


Learning As We Go

by Caera1996



Series: The Basics of Primary Ed. 'verse [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:30:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 212,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Chapter 40 Summary:</b> Eight months after the trip to Seattle.</p><p><b>Chapter 39 Summary:</b> Jim and Leonard go to Seattle for their anniversary. (With a companion one shot, entitled "06 - Anniversary")<br/> </p><p>"Learning As We Go" is a continuation of the story that was started in "The Basics of Primary Ed." Leonard and Jim continue to grow as a couple, as each learns to entrust the other with more of himself, both physically and emotionally. Leonard, Jim and Joanna grow as a family as they deal with the prejudices of people within their family and without, and as they settle into a family life, through holidays, vacations, job changes, school, and health issues, they grow stronger with the support they get from each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 Summary: Hannah McCoy's visit has Jim feeling out of sorts. His brother, Leonard, and Hannah herself help.

"So what's she like?" Sam asked, the brightness causing him to squint as he turned his head to look at his younger brother.

Jim shrugged, keeping his eyes closed.

"She's been very…polite," he replied.

"Polite, huh?" Sam said.

He kept his eyes on his brother, seeing the tension in the lines around his mouth and his eyes. Sam sighed and closed his eyes. It was quiet at the Kirk's pool today. Aurelan and the girls were camping with Kim's Girl Scout Troop. They'd be back tomorrow. Today, Jim was taking advantage of having his brother to himself. They'd spent most of the day building Aurelan's new office desk and moving her old one into the room the girls used for arts and crafts, and now they were relaxing. It was just good to be together; joking, laughing, not having to worry about every word coming out of his mouth. These last couple of days were exhausting, and Jim knew he was doing it to himself – that he should just relax around Hannah McCoy and just be who he was – but he couldn't help it, and he needed a break.

Sightseeing was on today's agenda for the McCoys, and though Bones had invited Jim to come, he'd begged off. He felt bad for the flash of disappointment in Bones' eyes, and had nearly caved when Joanna started with the " _Please, Uncle Jim – I want you to come with us!_ " But then he'd briefly caught Hannah's eyes as she braided Joanna's hair…and that had made it a little easier to smile and make up an excuse. It wasn't anything in particular – she wasn't glaring daggers at him or anything like that – but he could see that soft disappointment in her eyes…the look that mothers seemed to have down pat.

"She's only known about Bones for a couple of days," Jim said. "She's trying – she's polite, and civil, and interested in my work – and I can see she just doesn't like me."

Sam was quiet for a moment, considering. Jim had always been a sensitive kid, caring a lot more about what people thought of him than he'd ever admit. And though he probably did intellectually understand Mrs. McCoy's side of things, Sam knew that Jim couldn't help but take her attitude personally. It was just the way he was. The fact that their own mother had subscribed to the "don't ask, don't tell" culture of the military, something she was familiar and comfortable with, had hurt Jim, and caused a rift in their relationship that they never quite managed to bridge. She ignored that part of Jim, and it made Jim feel like she was ignoring him. Sam also knew that there was probably nothing he could say to make him feel any better about it, but he said it anyway.

"It's not you, Jim. I'm sure she likes you well enough. It's the fact that you and her son are together that she doesn't like. And like you said, it's only been a couple of days. She'll come around."

Jim snorted softly and looked over at his brother.

"I thought I was supposed to be the optimistic one," he said. "You're the down-to-earth, overly serious one."

Sam shrugged, a small smile on his face.

"Well, you were coming up a bit short there, so I thought I should step in," he said.

Jim sighed.

"Can't help it. Besides, there's not much difference between not liking me, and not liking my relationship with Bones, and I really don't think that's going to change for her any time soon."

Sam glanced over at his brother at that. They'd not really talked too much about the state of his relationship with Leonard…more out of respect for Leonard than anything else. He had a private personality, and while Sam had no problem needling his younger brother, he didn't feel the same nonchalance when it came to the other man. That would probably change, he knew, as they all got to know each other better. But for now, he'd maintained a polite distance.

"So, is this relationship as serious as that sounds?" Sam asked.

Jim smiled slightly.

"What do you think?"

"I think Leonard is the type of person who does serious, or does nothing at all."

"That about sums it up," Jim agreed, nodding slightly.

"And…you're okay with all of this?" The careful tone of that question made Jim chuckle.

"A little late to be asking that, don't you think, Sam?"

Sam shrugged.

"No. It's not too late to make sure you're where you want to be. You're young," he said. "And I know how you've felt about things being long-term, and not only is this long-term, it's long-term with baggage, and…"

Jim sighed, cutting him off. This was starting to sound like the conversation he'd had with Bones a while ago about whether or not he was going to change his mind.

"Bones and I have already talked about this, Sam. I'm young, I could change my mind, every other relationship in my life was just for fun – I know all that. But this, this is different. It  _is_  serious, and no, I'm not going to change my mind. And I'm very okay with it…and I'm, well, I'm scared to death I'm going to do something to screw it up because I've never felt like this before – like I can't be me anymore without him." Jim flushed and kept his eyes closed.

Sam was quiet for a moment, then in typical big brother fashion, couldn't help himself. "So – he completes you," he said.

Jim's coloring went a little darker at that and Sam chuckled.

"You're such an ass," he mumbled, embarrassed by how sappy he knew he sounded. The fact that Jim essentially agreed with him didn't help much. But then he rallied a little and met his brother's eyes, his flush fading. "He's so important to me, Sam. I don't know how that happened, but it did. And now, I just can't imagine not having him and Joanna in my life."

"I know," Sam said quietly. "I can see it when you look at him Jim. I see it in Leonard too, by the way. He looks at you the same way. Are you worried about how Mrs. McCoy's attitude might affect your relationship?"

Jim hesitated before answering, weighing the situation. Was he still worried about that, or was he just uncomfortable with it?

"A little, maybe," he finally admitted. "Bones made it clear that no matter how Hannah reacted, it wasn't going to change things between us, but she's his  _mother_ , Sam. You should've heard him on the phone the night he told her and she left for a while. He sounded so…hurt. And I gotta admit I'm kinda pissed at her for that. I mean, I get it – but, come on. He loves her. He's her  _son_. Why can't she just be happy that he has someone who loves him and Joanna?"

Sam could hear the frustration in Jim's voice, and he knew there was no good answer to this question, so he didn't even try. There was no changing peoples' minds for them…they had to do it themselves. And sometimes it was a slow process. And sometimes it didn't happen at all.

"Look, maybe she won't ever be able to completely accept Leonard, but whether or not she does has nothing to do with you personally. Or Leonard, himself for that matter. And, yeah, she walked out. But she  _did_  come back, and you said it yourself – she's trying. Which is a hell of a lot more than some people do. You've been down this road before, Jim. You know that at the end of the day all that you can be responsible for is your own conduct and happiness. As long as you two love each other, and have each other, what she thinks shouldn't matter all that much to you anyway. Also, you and Leonard always have us."

Jim smiled at his brother, grateful that he managed to say what he needed to hear.

"Thanks, Sam. I know all of that, but it's good to be reminded every now and then. I guess…I guess I just wanted it to be easier."

"Wanted what to be easier?" A third voice came to them from the other side of the gate to the pool area. Jim's face lit up when he heard him.

"Bones! What are you doing here?" Jim jumped up to unlatch the gate and let Leonard in, half expecting to see his mother and daughter in tow. He was alone, though, to Jim's quiet relief. Bones caught him in a tight, but brief hug. "How was the sightseeing?" 

"It was nice – we went downtown, took a trolley ride, poked around Chinatown a bit. Now Joanna and Mom are having some girl time so I needed to make myself scarce. Hey Sam – sorry for coming around to the back, but no one was answering the door, and Jim's car…"

Sam waved him off.

"No worries…you're welcome here any time." Sam glanced at his watch. "Speaking of time, I've got to get inside – working tonight," he explained at Leonard's curious glance. Sam picked up the few items he'd had with him. "I'm not usually at the hotel after 6:00, but I figured since the girls were out of town I may as well. But you guys are welcome to stay as long as you want. Good to see you Leonard," Sam said as he headed back into the house.

"Have a good night, Sam," Jim said. Sam waved and threw a smile over his shoulder. Jim turned back to Leonard. "How much time do you have, Bones? And how did you know I was here?" he asked as he moved to gather his sunglasses, water bottle and book, figuring they'd probably get going too.

Leonard shrugged.

"Well, you weren't at your place, so I took an educated guess. I've got a couple of hours, at least. I told them we'd be back in time for dinner."

Jim paused in what he was doing.

"We?" he asked.

Leonard pressed his lips together and took a moment to really look at Jim…and he looked stressed.

"Jim, come here," Leonard said, gently grasping his arm. He took the things Jim was holding and placed them on the patio table. Confused, Jim allowed it, and when Leonard leaned in and kissed him, it took a moment for him to respond. Leonard deepened the kiss, holding Jim to him, losing himself in the feel and taste of him. After a moment, he felt Jim's body relax as his hands came up and gently carded through Leonard's hair. Breaking apart only when the need to breathe won out, Leonard still didn't let go, hugging him tenderly, gently rocking where they stood in place, swaying to the sound of the wind chimes in the breeze. "It's been too long since we've done that." Leonard said softly.

Jim chuckled against his shoulder.

"Bones, it's been, like two days."

Leonard pulled away to look in Jim's eyes.

"Like I said, too long. And yes, we have to be back to my place in a couple of hours. You're part of my family, Jim. Being part of the family means coming to dinner."

"But…don't you think your mom might want to have you to herself?" Jim asked, trying to keep his voice light.

Leonard gave him a small smile and brushed his hair away from his forehead. Despite Jim's efforts at keeping his discomfort to himself over the last couple of days, Leonard was very well aware of it. Jim wasn't acting like himself, whether in the presence of his mother or not. Leonard knew it was his anxiety over the situation, and he loved Jim even more for going along with everything and being so supportive despite the fact that it was obviously difficult for him. Jim had never said anything about it outright, but Leonard wondered how much the relationship he had with Winona before she passed away was affecting him now. It didn't take a genius to figure out that dealing with Leonard's mother was almost more stressful for Jim that it was for him.

"I don't intend to leave you out of family activities, Jim," he paused for a moment. "Or keep who you are hidden away like some family secret."

Jim winced slightly…very slightly. But Leonard still saw it.

"And anyone who ever made you feel like that was something you should expect and tolerate was an idiot," Leonard said.

Jim looked away, unable to think of anything to say to that. The fact that Leonard seemed to be able to read him so thoroughly was a little disconcerting.

Leonard hugged him again, and Jim held on tightly. "Sometimes the people we love are idiots," he said softly into Jim's hair. "And then we have to choose to ignore it, and love them anyways, you know?"

"Yeah…I do," Jim replied hesitantly.

Leonard nodded slightly, suspicions confirmed. He didn't know why Jim hadn't talked to him about this before – about the way his mother had reacted to finding out her youngest son was attracted to men – but it didn't matter. Maybe they'd talk about it later. For now, Leonard just wanted to make sure Jim knew he was perfect and loved just the way he was. He knew he could only do so much – the insecurities he still had were personal ones – but he would do his best.

Leonard glanced at the house, feeling a little self-conscious as he wondered if Sam was watching them. He shook it off. Jim needed him. Sam had made it clear they were welcome here, and Jim obviously felt comfortable here.

"Let's sit," Leonard said. He settled on one of the chaise lounges and Jim joined him, resting against Leonard's chest, sitting between his legs. Jim pulled his knees up slightly and let his head fall back to rest against Leonard's shoulder. "Do you want to tell me?" Leonard asked softly, drawing his hands up and down Jim's arms before wrapping his arms around Jim's chest. Jim sighed.

"You're handling this so much better than I am, and she's  _your_  mother," Jim said.

Leonard shrugged slightly.

"Mom is…an interesting person. She grew up in the Deep South, but she never really subscribed to a lot of the cultural proclivities common to that community. She was kind of a black sheep in that respect, you know? She always did things her own way, never minding what was "proper" for a girl back then. I knew she was going to have a hard time with this because of the whole religion thing, but I was also pretty sure she would be able to…work around it, so to speak." He paused. "Though I did think she'd take it a little better than she initially did. I know she'll never look at me the same way again…and I think she's going to spend a lot of time wondering what she could've done differently to keep this from happening…but I can't be responsible for her. I can only be responsible for myself, and my own happiness. And I'm happy with you."

Jim chuckled and turned his head to kiss Leonard's jaw.

"Sam said almost the same thing to me earlier. He said 'in the end I'm responsible for my own conduct and happiness'…or something like that. I'm happy with you, too, by the way."

"Sam's a smart guy," Leonard said.

Jim huffed.

"Yeah, yeah…you two are geniuses." He paused and shifted a little. "My mom – well, we just didn't talk about it. I know she knew about me – she just pretended it wasn't there."

Leonard nodded, thinking back to when Jim had told him that their relationship was okay as long as they stuck to what was okay to bring up and what wasn't.

"That must've been hard," Leonard said.

Jim shrugged and nodded, his body showing his inner conflict about the situation.

"Sometimes," he said. "I think it hurt because she basically denied who I was by not acknowledging it. Like I would be less my father's son, less her son, if it were true, so just pretend it isn't, you know? And it was like that right up to the day she died."

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that, Jim," Leonard said. 

"What are you gonna do? Can't change peoples' minds for them," he said, again echoing Sam's earlier words. "I think I…I just wish things with your mom were different."

"Easier," Leonard said, repeating what he'd overheard when he first arrived.

"Yeah," Jim sighed.

And then Leonard got it. He understood why Jim seemed so stressed; why he wanted Leonard's mom to like and accept him. He was looking for what his own mother didn't give him. Leonard nodded and held him a little tighter. That might never happen, but he would hope. After sitting together for a little while longer, Leonard drew his fingers though Jim's hair.

"Did you want to get going?" he asked.

Jim took a deep breath in and shifted slightly, turning his body so that he was lying more on his side, cuddling against Leonard's chest. It was a cloudy 72 degrees today, and if not for the fact that they were wrapped around each other, it would've almost been chilly in the breeze.

"Nah, too comfortable. Let's just stay here," Jim said.

Leonard smiled and poked him in the side, making him squirm a little.

"Lazy bum," he said fondly.

Jim grunted at that, but Leonard made no move to force him up, so he allowed his eyes to close, listening to the steadiness of the heart in the chest of the man he loved.

 

* * *

 

Jim and Leonard parked in the lot in their separate cars a short while later. Leonard stood and waited for Jim to exit his car so they could walk into the house together. The time they were able to spend together had done Jim good, Leonard decided. He didn't look nearly as uncomfortable. He was still being more subdued than usual, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Hey," Leonard said, giving Jim's wrist a gentle squeeze. "You know, there's a reason I fell in love with you…I mean, aside from your good looks and obvious intellect," he added, teasingly. Jim chuckled slightly and gently bumped Leonard's shoulder with his own. "Just be yourself, okay?"

Jim nodded, and made a conscious effort to relax, feeling his face smooth out into what was probably a less-pinched expression. Leonard opened the door, noting that it wasn't locked. He rolled his eyes and Jim grinned at his exasperation.

"Mom?" he called, moving through the apartment. "Are ya'll here?"

"We're in my room Daddy!" Joanna called.

He and Jim headed down the hall to find Hannah and Joanna sitting on her bed, playing a game of Candy Land. There were more than two game pieces on the board though, indicating that they were playing Joanna's version of the game…the rules of which changed irregularly and without warning.

"Hi Daddy…oh, hi Uncle Jim!" Joanna said, catching sight of him in the hall. She slid off her bed and ran over to him, throwing her arms around his waist. He was caught off guard a little by this enthusiastic greeting, but he reached down and swung her up into his arms, giving her a quick hug.

"Hey there, Joanna. Did you have fun with your dad and gramma today?" Jim asked, feeling the familiar curl of self-consciousness in his stomach as he resisted the urge to glance at Hannah.

"Yeah! We took a trolley ride and saw some pretty things. I think I like the train better though," she added after a moment. "It's like a fast ride. I'm beating Gramma at Candy Land," she informed him.

Now, he did look over at the board and smiled at Hannah. He set Joanna down and she hurried back over.

"Is this the special Joanna version of the game?" he asked her.

"The very same," Hannah replied.

Jim nodded knowingly.

"She manages to beat me every time," Jim said. "I don't know how she does it!"

Hannah looked over her glasses at him, and then at her granddaughter who was giggling.

"It's because you don't know the rules, Uncle Jim! I'm winning against Gramma too – she doesn't know the rules either."

"Well," Hannah said, standing up. "Why don't you see if your daddy is any better at it than I am. Jim and I are going to go get dinner started."

"Okay! Daddy…come sit down!" Joanna said.

Leonard gently squeezed Jim's shoulder as he went to join his daughter. He met Jim's eyes briefly. He didn't know what his mother was up to, but he hoped she wouldn't say anything to hurt Jim. He didn't think she would…she knew how he felt.

"Leonard, she could do with a wash-up too, we did some playing in the garden. How are you in the kitchen Jim?"

"Uhh – I'm really good at microwaving things," he said, shooting an uncertain glance at Leonard. Jim didn't find any help there, just a helpless shrug and shake of the head. Jim scowled at him and Leonard smiled slightly. He was on his own.

"Really?" Hannah was saying, as she headed out of the room, assuming Jim would follow. "I can never get those things to do anything properly." Jim moved to follow her to the kitchen. "Well, dinner won't be difficult to slap together. I just really wanted a moment with you. We haven't really had much opportunity to talk." Jim stayed quiet as he watched her pull some ingredients out of the refrigerator. "Let's see…can you find the cutting board? I don't know where Leonard keeps it."

"Sure," he said. Retrieving it, he moved to the counter, looking at the materials Hannah had pulled out. "What's on the menu?"

"Cheeseburgers and baked fries," Hannah replied. "It was a favorite fun meal. Leonard never allowed it often, but it's always a favorite and since I'm not here long I don't think he'll object. Can you cut a potato into French-fry shapes?" she asked, peering up at him.

He smiled, relaxing slightly at her easy demeanor.

"I think I can handle that," he replied.

"Great. I'll peel, you wash and cut."

They worked in silence for a few minutes. Jim wanted to ask so many things…about Leonard as a child, about their life in Georgia, how she was handling not having them close by…but he held back, feeling reticent and unsure how that would be received.

"Joanna missed you today," Hannah said after a couple of minutes, keeping her eyes on the potatoes she was peeling. She was conscious of the pause in Jim's movements beside her as he cut the peeled potatoes into shapes suitable for French fries.

"I – uh – thought you maybe wanted some time alone with B- Leonard and Jo," he said quietly.

Hannah looked up at him over the rims of her glasses.

"And I thank you for that. I just want to make sure you know you are always welcome to join us, Jim," she said, going back to what she was doing. Jim felt an uncomfortable flush rising up his neck and face.

"Thank you," he replied, really not sure what else to say. He was annoyed at himself at how uncomfortably awkward he still felt. Hannah had been nothing but polite, and tonight she seemed to be making a special effort, and Jim knew there really was no reason for his discomfort. He was sure it was probably a combination of how he knew she felt about his relationship with her son and his conflicting desire to have her like him…he rolled his eyes at himself. Chris Pike would have a field day with this.

Hannah, for her part, was rather openly observing the young man beside her. Joanna had excitedly talked about him in the context of being her teacher – about how he had a classroom lizard that she was in charge of taking care of during the summer months, about the welcome book, about the states project, learning multiplication, about having her read to the class, and many other things that had stood out to her during the short time she'd been a kindergartener – and she'd been impressed. He was young to have such a command over the concepts of a "successful classroom". Most kids his age were still hung up on creating ever-more complicated rubrics and sliding scales to best represent their students' ability levels. Most don't figure out until later on that success is sometimes less concrete than percentiles on a perfect Bell curve. But Jim seemed to get it, to Joanna's benefit, and Hannah admired that about him.

Something else Joanna had mentioned was how reserved Jim had been recently. What she'd actually said was, "Usually, Gramma, Uncle Jim talks more'n me! And he laughs a lot. I like that he makes Daddy laugh, too." But the Jim Joanna had described was not the Jim Hannah had seen, and she was aware that she was probably the reason for that, unintentional though it was. She'd been careful to be as neutral as she could, and she'd thought she'd done a fairly good job at it, but apparently they had some air to clear, 'cause the boy was avoiding looking at her, and he looked like he was choking on something. Rolling her eyes, she set her knife down and turned to him, taking her glasses off.

"Jim, why don't you drop those pieces on the baking sheet, then come sit out in the garden with me for a minute."

"Uh – what about dinner..."

"Leonard's a smart boy. He'll come in here, see us sitting outside, and get on with things. I want to talk to you, and I don't want to worry about little ears." Hannah rinsed her hands and headed out the backdoor that led to the garden area.

Jim dithered in the kitchen, desperately wishing that Bones would come back with Joanna and get him out of this. He could only imagine what Hannah wanted to talk about, and he really didn't want to have that conversation.

Finally, though, he took a breath, gave himself a quick and stern pep talk, and joined Hannah in the garden. She was sitting on the little bench, and Jim gingerly sat beside her. There was silence for a moment – which Jim was happy to let continue – then Hannah sighed.

"I imagine Leonard has told you about my less-than-thrilled response to his… announcement," she said.

Jim glanced at her, feeling like he was on very shaky ground here. She didn't sound upset or embarrassed or anything like that…just very matter-of-fact. Well, he could do that, too. But he didn't intend to betray Bones' confidence, either. Just because she happened to guess correctly didn't mean he had to confirm.

"When we originally discussed telling you he shared his concerns," Jim replied carefully.

"Hm. I'm sure," she said. "Well, whatever he told you, it wasn't correct." She held up a hand to forestall Jim's next words. "Let me explain first, please."

Jim nodded, even though he was quite sure she wasn't waiting for his go-ahead.

"What I mean by that is that Leonard is incapable of completely understanding my reasons for the way I feel. The philosophies that shape our views are very different, and he will never see things through the same lens I do, and he never has. Because of that, whatever he told you wasn't completely correct." She paused, and Jim turned to look at her fully.

"You're initial reaction seemed pretty in line with what he was concerned about," he said, a little coolly.

Hannah nodded slightly.

"Yes. However, it is the  _reason_  for the way I reacted that Leonard will likely never understand. And if he can't understand the reason, he can't understand the reaction," she said.

Jim wasn't sure he agreed with this, but he held his tongue on the matter. He supposed it was true enough in that he understood that the basis for her objections were religious, and he really didn't get that.

"What you need to understand, Jim," she continued. "Is that I am doing my best in a situation that is difficult for me. And I make no apologies for that. I also want to make sure you understand that the way I feel about this development in Leonard's life is not a reflection of how I feel about  _you_. You seem like a very nice, intelligent, polite young man. Joanna has benefited from your skills as a teacher – which are impressive, by the way – and she obviously is very fond of you. Leonard is…well, he's happier than I've seen since in quite a while. And that leaves me in a very…confusing position. I'm grateful to you for making my son a happier person, and for being someone who was able to see how extraordinary my granddaughter is, but I'm struggling with what you are to each other."

Jim was quiet for a moment, thinking about everything Hannah had just said. It was…refreshing…to be able to talk about it, even knowing her position. It was something his own mother had never been willing to do. And, in that context, he had a lot of respect for her. She didn't have to make this effort with him – Jim wasn't anything to her – yet, here she was, trying anyway. He cleared his throat and looked over at her.

"Thank you for saying all of that, Hannah. It was…good to hear. And I appreciate the effort you're making." He paused and looked away. She'd been honest with him…he should return the favor. "My mother wasn't…she died before we were able to talk like this. I know how much it hurts to have a parent not accept who you are…and I never wanted that for Leonard. I, uh, I didn't want him to tell you because of that."

Hannah took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sorry about your momma, Jim," she said. "But I can guarantee you it was only her love and concern for you that made it hard for her to accept that part of who you are. It may not have seemed that way, but mothers are funny like that. Concern, anger and disappointment all look very much alike when they're amplified by love. We all do the best we can."

Jim swallowed and nodded. They sat there for a couple of minutes longer, her hand warm around his. Presently, they heard the door open, and the smell of hamburgers wafted out to them.

"Mom? Jim? Dinner's just about ready," Leonard said.

"Be right there, Son," Hannah answered. Jim heard the door close, and Hannah patted his knee. "Come on, then. Let's have dinner – and I want to hear about how you got Leonard to walk on that bridge."

Jim smiled and stood, feeling so much better about this whole situation than he had since Bones had first brought it up.

"It wasn't easy," Jim said, moving to open the door for her.

"Well, that seems to be the way, doesn't it? Things that are worth it rarely are," Hannah replied.

Silently, Jim agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a one shot, entitled "02 - Reaching for Acceptance", that delves more into Hannah's personal struggle to reconcile wanting her son to be happy with her personal beliefs, as well as how Jim handles her quiet scrutiny. The scene takes place between Chapters 1 and 2, and it is available on this site.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah meets the rest of the Kirk family, and her visit draws to a close.

Leonard shifted restlessly, slowly coming awake as the pulsing arousal got more difficult to ignore. Struggling to hold on to sleep and the incredible dream that had him sweaty and gasping, he turned over, pushing his face into the pillow and pressing his lower body against the mattress. But it wasn't enough…and he was too close to wakefulness by now anyway. With a quiet groan, Leonard turned back over on his back and flung an arm over his eyes, waiting for his arousal to subside.

This was ridiculous. It had been years since he'd woken up like this…and it was extremely inconvenient that it was happening  _now_ , with his mother and daughter down the hall. It was like he was a teenager again, hiding behind a locked door, guiltily listening for his parents' footsteps.

Of course, he couldn't help the little thrill at  _why_  it was happening now. _Jim_ , he thought with a small smile. Jim was the reason for this. He'd grown accustomed to sleeping with Jim and…doing other things with Jim…and since his mother's visit, he'd not slept nearly as well as he had over the last few months. He loved his mother and was happy to have her visit, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't looking forward to the end of her visit, only so that he could get Jim completely back in his life, and his bed, where he belonged.

After a couple of minutes, he sat up, rubbing his eyes. A quick glance at the alarm clock confirmed what he'd suspected…it was very early – just before 5:00 am. Today Leonard was going to the hospital and then had a group of graduate students to meet with. His mother was going to be on her own with Joanna, and he was fairly certain that Jim was going to be spending the day with Chris, going over the final touches on his dissertation. And then tonight, well, he supposed they would just play it by ear. Maybe they'd go to the Sassafras Tree…the restaurant Jim had introduced them to a few months ago. That kind of thing was right up his mother's alley. Hell, she'd probably sing if they had karaoke.

Leonard got up and pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt, a small smile on his face as he remembered the shenanigans around the table during dinner the other day. Jokes and funny stories (mostly about him as a child, but it made his mother and Jim laugh, so whatever) accompanied cheeseburgers and fries, had made for a good, light-hearted time. And he hadn't had the opportunity to ask Jim what he and his mother had talked about, but it seemed to have made a significant impact on both of them. For the most part, Jim had been more himself in her presence, and his mother seemed less painfully polite, and more like the woman who refused to be defined by anyone but herself.

Even Joanna had picked up on the more light-hearted, less forced atmosphere, and she'd entertained them all by reading a selection of stories out loud. That had been fun…Joanna on the couch, with the three of them sitting in a semi-circle around her on the floor, pretending to be her "class." It had been especially gratifying to see his mom's reaction to the way Joanna read the story and Jim's obvious pride in the ability he'd done a lot to foster over the last few months.

Leonard found himself looking forward to tonight with his family, too…all of his family. And it warmed his heart to think of it that way.

Quietly, Leonard opened the door and made his way into the kitchen, snagging his laptop on the way. He wasn't going to be sleeping anymore, so he may as well get some work done. Depositing his laptop at the kitchen table and switching it on, he poured himself a glass of milk, looking longingly at the coffee maker. He didn't dare, though. Not this early. He knew the smell of it brewing would wake his mother, and he wanted her to sleep. She'd looked tired when she finally turned in last night, and she was going to have a long day today. He knew firsthand how exhausting Joanna could be, and she was a little out of practice.

Leonard settled himself at the kitchen table and logged into the network. He was in the process of going through his email when an instant message notification popped up.

**JKirk@mckinley.edu is inviting you to chat.**

**Do you accept?**

Smiling, Leonard immediately hit "accept", thinking back to the first time they did this…months ago, now.

**JKirk:**  Hey, Bones! What are you doing up?

**LMccoy:**  Couldn't sleep. You?

**JKirk:**  Same. I don't sleep nearly as well by myself anymore. You've ruined me.

**LMccoy:**  I was thinking the very same just a little while ago when I first woke up.

**JKirk:**  Oh, yeah? I kinda like the thought that I've ruined you for anything else but sleeping with me. So…have any  _interesting_  dreams last night?

**LMccoy:**  No.

**JKirk:**  Really? Not one? I find that hard to believe. You're lying, aren't you?

**LMccoy:**  No I'm not.

**JKirk:**  You are! Lying and probably turning red. So…how was I in your dream? Was I amazing? Did I make you come?

**LMccoy:**  Jim, that's really not appropriate.

**JKirk:**  Picture me rolling my eyes at your right now. So…Bones…what are you wearing?

**LMccoy:**  Jim – my mom could wake up at any minute.

**JKirk:**  I miss you, you know.

**LMccoy:**  You just saw me yesterday, and we're having dinner tonight.

 

Leonard waited, but there was no quick return, so he relented, recognizing what Jim wanted to see.

 

**LMccoy:**  I miss you, too. When mom leaves, let's get Aurelan to take Joanna for a weekend.

**JKirk:**  That is the Best. Idea. Ever! How about the Sassafras Tree tonight? I think your mom will like it.

 

Leonard smiled and shook his head.

**LMccoy:**  That sounds good. You still coming to get me this morning?

**JKirk:**  Absolutely. I'll be there at 8:30.

**LMccoy:**  Come earlier and have breakfast with us.

**JKirk:**  Awesome. 7:30?

**LMccoy:**  Perfect. See you then. Love you.

**JKirk:**  Love you too.

 

* * *

 

"Please Mommy? Please? Please?" Janie was jumping up and down in front of Aurelan, blocking her path around the kitchen and threatening to trip her as she darted from one side to the other.

"Janie, sweetie, please. Just give me a second okay?" Aurelan said, exasperation and amusement warring for their places in her voice as she hoisted the supermarket bags up on the counter.

"But Moo-oom," she said, making the one-syllable word two with the ease of a practiced whiner. "I'm bored!"

"Janie, my love, my darling, my little monster – we _just_ got back from the store. How can you already be bored? And I told you…Joanna's grandmother is visiting. They're probably busy. Do you want to call someone else to play?"

"Can't we even just ask? Let's just call and ask! Please?" Janie insisted.

Aurelan rolled her eyes and finished putting away the groceries. There was going to be no appeasing the girl, she knew. And really, what harm could come from asking? It was probable that Mrs. McCoy and Joanna weren't even home.

"Okay, okay! I'll call!" Aurelan gave in with a smile, ruffling Janie's hair as she reached for the phone.

"Can I talk?"

"Sweetie, let me talk first, okay? Now…shh. It's ringing."

"McCoy residence."

"Mrs. McCoy, hello. My name is Aurelan – I'm Jim Kirk's sister-in-law."

"Oh, yes dear. Joanna has told me all about your Janie and Kimberly. How has the child been, with her head?"

"Perfect. She's been perfect. Your son was truly amazing."

"Well I am just so happy to hear that, dear. Now, Leonard is at the hospital today, but can I help you with anything?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but Janie is just about climbing the walls here and she wanted to know if Joanna wanted to come over for a while." Aurelan thought fast and decided she would extend a full invitation, despite the fact that she could practically picture her husband's look of disapproval. This wasn't meddling. Not really. This was a play date. "I did tell her you were visiting and you probably had plans for the day, but if you are available, I'd like to invite you over for lunch and the girls can spend some time together."

"Well, thank you so much, Aurelan. I'm sure Joanna would love that, and I would love to meet you in person…I've heard so much about you from my son and Jim."

"Oh, fantastic! Now, Mrs. McCoy, did Leonard leave you his car, or shall I come pick you and Joanna up?"

"Please, call me Hannah. That's very sweet of you, dear, but Jim picked Leonard up today, so I have the car. But if you could give me directions…"

"Of course. We're just a few minutes away…"

 

* * *

 

Aurelan and Hannah sat next to each other at the pool area, watching the two little girls playing in the water. They'd been so happy to see each other, any misgivings Aurelan might have harbored about doing something she knew her husband wouldn't necessarily approve of evaporated in the summer sun. And getting to know Hannah had been great. She was a quick-witted, sharp, good-humored woman, and Aurelan liked her instantly.

Sam had shared a bit of what Jim admitted to him that day they spent together, but Aurelan couldn't see any of the stiffness she expected to after hearing that, to her relief. She knew she was walking a thin line here, because she wasn't sure how she would take it if anyone said anything against Jim, even if that someone was Leonard's mother. He was like a little brother to her, and she felt extremely protective of him. But the only comments Hannah made were centered around Jim's work and studies, and she didn't seem bothered by their relationship at all.

The rest of the conversation was really about Aurelan's girls, her work, Sam's job, their home…Hannah was a skilled conversationalist, and Aurelan was surprised at how much she was talking about her own family and life.

It didn't make her feel defensive, though, or like she was being pumped for information. Not at all. On the contrary, she was actually quite glad that she had this opportunity to tell Hannah all about her family, including Jim. She was proud of each and every one of them, and she thought that if maybe she could give Hannah a good picture of them, it might be a little easier for her to accept them as part of Leonard's family.

That was the thought, anyway. She hoped it worked out like that.

"Gramma, I'm going to jump! Count for me!" Joanna called.

"Okay, ready? One…two…three!" Hannah yelled back. On "three" Joanna took off running and made a flying leap feet first into the deep end. She surfaced and Aurelan and Hannah clapped for her.

"My turn! Count for me, Mama!" Janie called. The girls took turns until they were tired of that game. After a few more minutes, Hannah called the girls out and reapplied sunblock and then sent them running back to the water. Checking her watch, she was surprised at how fast the afternoon had passed.

"Do you have plans tonight?" Aurelan asked, taking a sip of her lemonade.

"Leonard mentioned going to a restaurant called the…oh, what's the name?" Hannah tapped her finger against the table as she tried to remember. "The something Tree…starts with an 's'…"

"The Sassafras Tree," Aurelan supplied. "That place is really cute and a lot of fun."

Hannah looked over at the younger woman.

"Would you and your family like to join us tonight? I'd love to meet your husband and Kimberly, and I know Leonard wouldn't mind – I can't imagine Jim would either."

"You know, Hannah that sounds like a great idea. Thank you. If you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on them, I'm going to call Sam and Jim, get Kimmie home, and make a reservation. Sassafrass Tree can get crowded…it's better to call ahead for such a large party."

"Not a problem, dear."

 

* * *

 

Jim pulled into the Faculty Parking Lot, looking for the west exit to Building E.

"Thank god Bones gave me directions," Jim murmured. The campus was huge, and though he was somewhat familiar with the layout, some of the buildings were new and he wasn't completely sure of where he was going. Pulling up to what he thought was the right entrance, he parked and waited, deciding to give Bones a few minutes.

In the meantime, he tilted his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. He really was tired…he hadn't been kidding when he said he wasn't sleeping well without Bones next to him. While he rested, he tried to decide whether or not to be pissed at Aurelan. Sam obviously hadn't been sure how Jim was going to take the news that she'd spent the better part of the afternoon with Hannah. He didn't necessarily mind that…but he still wasn't quite sure how he felt about the way she just kind of inserted herself into the situation. Sighing, he decided that it didn't matter. It's not like she could say anything that would be more upsetting to Hannah than what Leonard had already told her. He hoped.

A few minutes later, Jim started and shook himself out of the light doze when Leonard rapped on the window. He hit the button to unlock the doors and Leonard slid in, reaching to place his briefcase and computer bag in the back seat.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked. Jim smiled and leaned forward. He didn't miss the way Leonard took a quick look around before giving him a quick kiss hello. "Sorry about that," Jim said. "I kinda forgot."

Leonard smiled and shook his head.

"Just wanted to make sure there weren't any gossiping know-it-all med students around," he said.

Jim raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

"Difficult class?" Jim asked.

Leonard shrugged.

"They just have so much to learn and no idea how much they don't know. I don't remember ever being like that."

Jim rolled his eyes and smiled, squeezing Leonard's knee affectionately.

"I'm sure you entered med school knowing exactly everything you needed to know already," Jim said playfully.

Leonard shrugged again, knowing he was being a little ridiculous.

"I'm just a little tired. Early morning."

"Yeah," Jim replied. "I know the feeling."

Leonard nodded sympathetically as Jim started the car.

"So…your sister-in-law and my mother. What do you think?" Leonard asked. "Take a left out of the lot and a right at the stop sign."

Jim did as directed and glanced over at him.

"I think I've decided that the more your mother can get to know my whole family, the better. Maybe it'll make it easier for her to accept me as part of yours if she sees how "normal" the rest of us are."

Leonard sighed and took Jim's hand.

"You're normal, Jim," he said seriously. "My mom doesn't think you're not normal."

Jim glanced at him and offered a small smile.

"I know, Bones. Just a figure of speech."

"Mm-hm. How's your dissertation going?"

 

* * *

 

Oh, this place is adorable!" Hannah exclaimed as they all filed in. Leonard put his arm around his mother and smiled at her youthful excitement. Aurelan gave her name to the hostess and came back over to them.

"Daddy?" Joanna pulled at his other hand and he leaned down slightly to hear her. "Is Uncle Jim going to sing tonight?"

"I don't know, Baby. I'm not sure if they're having karaoke tonight."

"What's karaoke?" Joanna asked. Jim chuckled and Leonard was just about to answer when the hostess came to escort them to their seats. They trailed through the restaurant single file, winding through the tables in the main seating area. She led them to a table set for their party of eight. Jim met Leonard's eyes in concern over Joanna, but though it was loud in the restaurant right now, it didn't seem to be bothering her very much. Jim raised his eyebrows in a silent question before they sat. _Should we ask to be outside?_  Leonard glanced at Joanna happily chatting with Janie and silently shrugged and shook his head.  _She seems to be okay for now._  Jim nodded and they all sat as the hostess placed menus in front of them, and little packets of crayons in front of the three kids.

Leonard watched as Jim looked happily around the table. They were sitting across from each other, with Aurelan on one side of him and Kim on the other, with Sam next to her. Hannah sat next to Leonard, across from Aurelan, on his left. Joanna was next to him and then Janie, directly across from her father. The girls were giggling together, playing a game of tic-tac-toe on the kid's menu that doubled as a placemat.

To the girls' disappointment, there was no karaoke tonight. But they did have live, interactive music that started just as everyone was finishing their dinners and before they ordered desert. The children were invited to join a guitarist and singer, picking up various handheld instruments, like tambourines, maracas, and cowbells, and accompany them. Leonard supposed the resulting cacophony could loosely be called music, but the children had fun, and that was really the point anyway. Joanna didn't participate in that, shrinking against her father and shaking her head when one of the friendly waitresses came up to the table to gather the children. Leonard put his arm around her as she watched Janie and Kim, and he happened to glance at Jim over the table. Jim's eyes were fixed on Joanna, and Leonard was struck by the tender look in his eyes…the love. He knew that Jim cared for her, but to see it so clearly in his eyes in an unguarded moment like that…it was breathtaking. Glancing at his mother, he saw that she was quietly observing Jim, too.

Leonard was distracted from his train of thought when Joanna moved restlessly under his arm. He looked down at her and frowned slightly as she put her hands over her ears and winced slightly. He leaned down and quietly offered to take her outside to the garden until this part was over. She looked up at him and nodded. Glancing at Jim again, who was watching them with understanding, he stood and led Joanna out. Aurelan got up and went to sit next to her husband, taking Kimmie's place. Hannah moved one seat over, so that she was directly across from Jim in the seat Leonard had just left.

"Jim, I understand you were the one who noticed about Joanna's hearing issue," Hannah said over the table, catching Jim's attention and talking loudly enough to be heard over the din. Focusing on her, Jim nodded and shrugged slightly.

"I noticed some things in the classroom that indicated there might be a problem. Leonard got her tested and in therapy right away, though, and she's gotten much better. Even just a couple of months ago we probably couldn't sit in here at all," Jim replied.

"Well, thank you for taking such good care of my grandbaby, Jim. She's Leonard's world, you know."

Jim nodded.

"I know."

"She seems to really care about you," Hannah said, eyes on his face.

"I really care about her," Jim said simply. "I really care about both of them."

Hannah nodded. "I can see that."

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Joanna was sitting on Leonard's bed with Hannah. They leaned against the headboard together while Hannah read aloud. Joanna had been melancholy all morning, and now she was cuddling against Hannah, eyes not really following the words as Hannah read.

"Do you have to go, Gramma?" she asked when Hannah paused to turn the page. She sighed and gently cupped Joanna's head, pressing a kiss to Joanna's forehead.

"Yeah, I do, Baby. Your great auntie Charlotte is waiting for me at home. Do you remember Charlotte?" she asked. Joanna nodded. "Well, we share a house together now, and she's waiting for me. You have your Daddy and all your friends…and Jim…and I don't want Charlotte to be lonely. Can you understand that?"

"I guess so. But I'm going to miss you, Gramma," Joanna said, sniffling a little as she pressed her face Hannah's shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you, too, Baby. But I'll visit again, and maybe next time you can come on out to Georgia and see me and your cousins. How's that sound?"

"Good."

"Okay, then. Should we finish this story?"

"Yeah."

"Am I gonna keep reading or do you want a turn?"

"Um, you please."

"Okay…where were we…" Hannah continued the story –  _Amelia Bedelia_ , and tried to ignore the clock counting down the last few minutes she had with her grandbaby. When they were finished reading, Hannah gathered Joanna in her arms, stroking her hair and back.

"I've had a great visit with you and your daddy, Baby. You gonna come with us to the airport?"

Joanna nodded and waved at her father who came in just as she was sitting back up to pull on her shoes.

"Got everything packed Mom?" Leonard asked.

"I believe I do, Son," she replied, indicating the single duffle bag that she, somehow, managed to repack just as efficiently as the first time around.

"Jim's here. Would you mind if he came to see you off?"

"Of course not, Baby. He's more than welcome to come."

Leonard smiled at his mother and tried to put a lid on his own downcast feelings. Joanna was having a hard enough time, there was no reason to add to it. He was always glad to spend time with Jim, no matter what they were doing, but it was for Joanna's benefit that he was especially happy to have Jim along. He was almost always able to get Joanna in a better mood.

"Okay, well…we should probably get going. Security lines can be really long here," Leonard said as he lifted the duffle bag. "You ready, Jo? Did you go to the bathroom?"

"Yes, I'm all ready, Daddy," she replied.

"Okay, Baby. Why don't you go out and say hi to Uncle Jim so I can talk to Gramma for a minute."

"'Kay," she said. He watched her go, and then turned back to his mother.

"Mom, thank you for – well, for everything, I suppose. For coming all the way out here, for being so great about me…and for being so great to Jim, especially. I don't know what…"

"Of course, Baby, of course," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him down so she could kiss his cheek. "You and Joanna are healthy and happy. And I can see that Jim is a big part of that. And I like him…smart as a whip, that boy," she said.

Leonard smiled warmly at her, pleased at her conclusions about Jim.

"It's also very obvious that he cares deeply for the two of you. I'm not going to be any less than truthful with you, though, Leonard. I still think what you're doing is a mistake. But, you're a grown man – free to make your own decisions – and as long as you're happy, and Joanna's happy, well…" she shrugged, and Leonard understood. As long as they seemed to be okay, she'd keep her opinions to herself and appreciate Jim for the person he is, but not for who he was to Leonard. Not yet, anyway.

He could live with that. They both could.

"Thank you, Mom," he said again, again wrapping her in a hug. "I know it's hard for you, and I can't tell you how much it means to me, and to Jim, to have you in our lives anyway."

"I understand," she said patting his back. After a moment, she pulled away and looked him in the eye. "You need to be careful with Jim, Leonard. He's been hurt in his life and I don't want you adding to that. If you ever do decide to…move on…do it carefully."

_Ma, if you only knew,_  Leonard thought. It wasn't on his mind so much anymore, but he'd often felt sure that Jim was going to be the one to come to his senses and "move on". He didn't want to get in to all that, though, so he simply promised to be careful, and they headed out to the kitchen to collect Joanna and Jim.

 

* * *

 

"Okay kiddos," Hannah said, turning to them. "The TSA says you can't come any further with me, so I need all my hugs and kisses here."

Joanna flung her arms around Hannah's waist first, and she knelt down so that they were on the same level.

"Love you Baby. You make sure your daddy sends me some of the wonderful pictures you draw and paint in school, okay?"

Joanna nodded.

"Okay, Gramma," she agreed. She sniffed as she started to tear up.

"Don't cry Jo," Hannah said. "Remember what we talked about? We'll get to visit again."

Joanna nodded as Hannah wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, gently tweaking her nose and making her smile. Hannah gave her another squeeze, then stood up to hug and kiss her son as Joanna caught and held Jim's hand.

"Proud of you, Baby," she said quietly. Then louder, "You be good, hear me? Joanna's got her eye on you."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, rolling his eyes at Jim over her shoulder. He smiled in response, blue eyes twinkling with mirth. After a couple of moments she released him and turned to Jim.

Leonard watched in suprise as Jim seemed to suddenly become almost shy, a small smile on his face as he glanced away from Hannah, down to Joanna as she swung their hands.

"Jim has something for you, Gramma," Joanna piped up, pointing to the small, nondescript white bag he'd been carrying. Leonard had noticed it and wondered what it was, but figured it was maybe just something he had to throw away.

"I…it's nothing really. I didn't even…"

"Let her see, Uncle Jim," Joanna prodded, completely unaware of Jim's embarrassment as he flushed slightly. Hannah exchanged gently amused glances with Leonard. "He showed me in the car…you'll really like it Gramma!"

"Is that what you two were whispering about back there?" Leonard asked.

Rolling his eyes at Joanna, Jim held the bag out, watching as Hannah pulled out something wrapped in tissue paper. Jim bit his lip as she folded the tissue paper back. Curious, Leonard peered over his mother's shoulder, and then looked back up at Jim, eyebrows raised in surprise. He met Leonard's eyes, then glanced away, his flush darkening slightly.

It was a black frame that held two pictures. One was a slightly smaller version of the one of Leonard and Joanna sound asleep together. Jim had taken that one months ago, when he arrived at the apartment early before they'd woken up. The other picture was more recent. It was of Hannah and Joanna when they all went to the Botanical Gardens the day before yesterday. It was a close up of grandmother and granddaughter facing each other, a monarch butterfly perched in Joanna's palm between them. Joanna had just glanced at the camera, and the picture caught the delight in her eyes. They were both smiling, dark hair framing their faces. A bright day, the sunlight seemed to have a presence all its own in the picture, as well. It was a beautiful snapshot.

Hannah's eyes flooded with tears she firmly kept in check as her fingers gently traced the images. After studying the pictures for a moment, she looked up at Jim, her eyes shining.

"This is beautiful, Jim. I love it," she said, moving to wrap one arm around him. He bent slightly to meet her and she kissed his cheek. "This was so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome Hannah. Thank you for letting me get to know you," Jim said, just barely loud enough for Leonard to hear him. He didn't hear his mother's response, but Jim's content expression was enough for him.

"Well…I better get myself in line…thank you, Baby," she said as she accepted her bag from her son. "Next time, you all come to me. I'm getting too old for this."

They all waved to her as she headed to the area restricted to ticket holders.

Leonard and Jim each took one of Joanna's hands and they retraced their steps to the where they'd left the car. Jim met Leonard's eyes as they both realized how quiet Joanna was, probably because she was a little down about Hannah leaving.

"So, Joanna…what do you want to do today?" Jim asked, keeping his voice upbeat and light. She just gave a one-shouldered shrug.

"Want to go to the park?" Leonard offered. She looked up at him, obviously considering the offer.

"Umm…Can Janie come?" she asked. Leonard glanced at Jim.

"I think she's free…I can call Aurelan and ask."

"And can we play in the fountain?"

Leonard nodded.

"It's warm enough, so sure."

"And can we get some ice cream?" she continued, smiling now.

"Well…" She'd just had ice cream with lunch not long ago.

"For dinner?"

Jim laughed and Leonard shook his head in amusement. "Don't push your luck, munchkin."

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim enjoy that weekend to themselves with a dinner party, and some quality time alone together helps Leonard take a big step.

"Tell me again why we're going to this," Leonard said, shifting slightly in the passenger seat, the plate of brownies Jim had cajoled him into making on his lap.

Jim glanced at him briefly before refocusing on the traffic. He sounded…less enthused about their plans for the evening than Jim had hoped. On the other hand, Bones had agreed to this…so whatever. Maybe he was just a little anxious. Jim hadn't missed the fact that outside of casual acquaintances at work, himself, and his family, Bones didn't really have friends. Joanna really had been his whole world.

"Because they're our friends, Bones, and it'll be fun. Besides, Nyota's an amazing cook and you and I will kick ass," Jim replied, casting an eye over him again.  _God, he looks good_.

"Jim, they're  _your_  friends," Leonard said. "I don't know Nyota Uhura as anything other than my daughter's principal, and I don't know the others at all," Leonard said, scowling a little.

Except that he found it more than a little ridiculous for a bunch of adults to be sitting around playing board games like children, he didn't necessarily have anything against having dinner and a game night with a group of friends. But he didn't know these people and he hated being thrust into situations that made him feel awkward and out of place. On the other hand, he _had_  agreed to go, and it's not like he'd told Jim any of what he was feeling about the situation. He really didn't have anyone to blame but himself. That just annoyed him more.

Tamping down on the mild annoyance he was starting to feel, Jim decided to give it one more try. They were nearly there, and he definitely didn't want to show up fighting or in a bad mood and ruin the night for everyone else. If Leonard really was going to be an ass about it, they'd call from the car with an excuse and go do something else.

He really didn't want that though. This was the first time since Hannah had left that they were able to have some time together. True to his word, Leonard had asked Aurelan to take Joanna for the weekend, and they had tonight, and all day Saturday and Sunday to themselves. Jim wanted to take advantage of every minute, and this had seemed like a good idea – something different from just going out to a restaurant – but not if it put them at odds with each other.

"Yes, they're my friends, but you're my  _best_  friend…and that makes them your friends by association. Look, I really don't know what the issue is here, so either tell me, or let's just go enjoy dinner, have fun, and relax a little," Jim said, reaching with his right hand to gently grasp Leonard's knee. "Okay?"

Leonard sighed slightly and covered Jim's hand with one of his own. Jim asked for so little from him, and gave him so much. And Jim was right – they both did need to relax. His mother's visit had been a rollercoaster for both of them. Jim was obviously looking forward to tonight, so why couldn't he just go along with it and try to enjoy himself, too?

"Best friend, huh?" Leonard said. "I don't think I've ever had a best friend before."

Jim looked over at him, blue eyes shining in amusement as he smiled brightly.

"Me either," he replied. "So…you okay with going? 'Cause this is her neighborhood, so..."

"Yeah, let's go. Let's see how this 'friend by association' thing works. Who's going to be there again?"

Happily relieved, Jim gave him a quick description of the others who usually participated in Nyota's game nights. It was something they'd gotten into the habit of doing a few months ago, and now it was a tradition. Always at her house, sometimes dinner was pot-luck, sometimes they ordered in, and sometimes, like tonight, Nyota wanted to cook.

Pulling up to Nyota's house, Jim maneuvered the car around the driveway, noting a car he didn't recognize. A huge smile broke out on his face as he realized whose it could be.

"I knew it," he murmured to himself as he opened the door and stood. Leonard looked at him over the hood of the car, plate of brownies balanced on one hand as he shut the door.

"Knew what?" he asked.

Jim shrugged and set the alarm.

"Well, I don't actually  _know_  anything, but I don't recognize that car," he indicated the gray car parked on the other side of the circular drive, "and I had a strong hunch that they didn't need to meet that many times over the results of the kids' hearing screenings," Jim said as he led Leonard around the car to the front door.

"Wait – you mean she's seeing Dr. Spock?" he asked incredulously. Nyota Uhura was a strikingly beautiful and extremely intelligent woman. Spock seemed nice enough, but he was so…staid. "Why?" Leonard asked, completely unable to quite picture it.

Jim shrugged. "I guess there's just no accounting for tastes, Bones," he said, a teasing smile on his face. "I mean, look at us." His grin widened as Leonard's brow furrowed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, catching and playing along with the banter.

Jim just quirked an eyebrow at him, knocked on the door and let himself in without waiting for a response.

"Okay, I'm here! We can get started now!" Jim called as he moved through the entryway.

Leonard followed, rolling his eyes at Jim's announcement.

"Like we'd wait for you!" Nyota's voice called back.

Jim just grinned as he moved to take his shoes off, leaving them in the entryway in line with several other pairs.

"Why're you taking your shoes off?" Leonard asked quietly. "Do I have to?"

Jim paused, his head cocked as he considered.

"Well, it's something Nyota always asks us to do…there are house slippers, though, if you want to wear something," Jim replied, indicating the slippers of various sizes on the other side of the entry way.

Leonard grimaced, not comfortable with the thought of wearing slippers that were available for general use.

"Socks are okay?" Leonard asked, looking down at Jim's covered feet.

He nodded.

"Yeah, socks are fine. Let me hold those for you." He took the brownies as Leonard untied his sneakers, placing them next to Jim's.

"Is there a specific reason for this?" Leonard asked, more curious than anything else. When he straightened, he saw their hostess coming towards them from the direction of the kitchen.

"Hey, Jim…" Nyota gave him a quick one-armed hug. "Good to see you. I got that soda you like, and there's water in the fridge. Ooh, brownies. They look fantastic."

"Thanks! The brownies are all him," Jim said, pointing to Leonard. "I can't make anything that requires more than two steps."

Nyota chuckled and held a hand out to Leonard.

"It's good to see you again," she said shaking his hand. "And thank you for providing desert. I'm glad you could come tonight."

"Well, thank you for having me. You have a beautiful home here…" he said, trailing off as a cue for permission. His mama did teach him manners after all.

She smiled and took it gracefully.

"Nyota, please. Thank you. As for the shoes…" she shrugged. "My family is Muslim. I'm not very traditional about a lot of it, but removing shoes is a custom that stuck with me. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Leonard replied, concealing his surprise. "And, please, it's Leonard."

"It smells great in here, Nyota," Jim said, moving past them to follow his nose. "I'm starved. What're we having?"

She rolled his eyes at him and Leonard found himself relaxing at their easy familiarity.

"You're always starved," she said. They followed Jim into the brightly lit kitchen. "Let me introduce you to everyone, Leonard. Of course, you know Spock."

Despite his earlier misgivings, Leonard found that he really enjoyed the people who came together for this dinner and game night. The fact that Jim was right, and Nyota really was a fantastic cook, was a bonus to the evening.

It really was a very eclectic group – Leonard and Spock the only two not from McKinley. Coach Montgomery Scott – who liked to be called Scotty – was there. He was endlessly entertaining…as recently from Scotland as he sounded…with stories of his professional soccer days and his issues with adapting to a new culture and country. Hikaru Sulu – "McKinley's IT guy," as Jim introduced him – had a very dry sense of humor that closely matched Leonard's. He was also more than just an IT guy…he taught a computer graphics elective to the higher grades, and he was charged with keeping the computers in McKinley's two computer labs up and working. He also was a police dog trainer, working with K-9 academies during the summer months and freelancing as a guard-dog trainer on the weekends during the year.

"Why'd you get into that?" Leonard asked as they lounged around the dining table. Hikaru shrugged.

"All of the men in my family are in law enforcement in one way or another. One night my dad was responding to a burglary in process and his K-9 partner saved his life by launching at the guy and grabbing his arm before he could get a shot off. I liked the idea of training K-9 partners to give other officers the same advantage."

Leonard had a lot of admiration for that, and he found himself easily drawn into the conversation, reacting to everyone's open and friendly demeanors.

Shortly after, Jim jumped up to help Nyota clear off the table and then the group moved into the family room.

"What're we playing tonight?" Nyota asked.

"Wits and Wagers – with teams!" Jim suggested. "I got dibs on Bones."

 

* * *

 

Hours later, after several rounds of the game that combined trivia with placing bets, they were back in the car, on their way back to Leonard's child-less apartment, with his plate, sans the brownies.

"So, did you have fun?" Jim asked, looking over at him. He definitely seemed more relaxed than he did on the way over.

"Yeah," he said after a moment. "I did. Tonight was a good idea. And you were right…we did kick ass." Leonard paused for a moment. "I…I'm sorry I was such a pain earlier. I don't go to things like that often."

Jim shrugged slightly and shook his head.

"You weren't a pain. And I kinda figured there was something else up. But I'm glad you had a nice time. It's good to get out every now and then...do something different…meet some new people."

"It's just not something I ever really thought about or made time for," Leonard admitted. "That's quite an interesting group of people you got over at McKinley," he said, abruptly changing the subject.

Jim didn't comment on that and grinned easily.

"And who you saw tonight is only the smallest of pictures. There's this third grade teacher…really sweet, totally hot, and awesome with the ESOL students, who does the craziest things with her hair. Some of her 'do's must take  _hours_."

"Remind me to keep Joanna away from her, or I'm going to have to learn to copy those hairstyles."

Jim chuckled at the mental image of Bones trying to do Joanna's hair in some of Janice's more…creative…styles and nodded.

"I'll make a note of it," he said.

They arrived at Leonard's place, tired and content. Neither had slept all that well the past week, and just being comfortable in each other's presence – uncaring of the small touches and not having to watch what they say – made a much bigger difference than either one had originally realized. It was exhausting, constantly being on guard like that.

Taking a few minutes to get ready for bed, they easily moved around each other. Leonard lay down, watching as Jim finished putting his things away in the closet. He felt a little thrill at the sight…that real, physical reminder that he had Jim in his life.

"Hey, come here," Leonard said, holding an edge of the blankets up.

Jim extinguished the light by the bed so that the only illumination came from the partially open closet. Leonard still might prefer darkness, but Jim liked to see him. Jim smiled as he slid into the bed, pressing close to Leonard, skin on skin except for the underwear they both wore. Jim sighed contentedly as he wrapped his arms around him. His eyes traveling over Bones' face until he leaned to gently nuzzle and kiss that spot on his neck that Jim knew drove him crazy. Bones made a noise low in his throat and tightened his hold on Jim, using his leg to draw them closer together.

This… _this_  is what he'd missed so much the past week, Bones realized. This closeness, this connection. Jim knew him like no one else ever did. Knew him and still stuck around. Knew him, stuck around, and most amazingly of all,  _loved_  him. It was a heady feeling, knowing that he had someone in his life who really knew who he was and loved him anyway.

"Mmm…missed you," he murmured, the sensation of Jim's mouth and tongue on his neck making him squirm slightly.

Jim released him to look up and capture Bones' mouth in a tender kiss. Slow and gentle, hands gripped and stroked, legs tangled together. They separated to breathe, so close they were breathing each other's air. Jim found he couldn't stop looking at Bones, cataloging every nuance in his eyes, every emotion on his face, until Bones lowered his eyes, a flush just barely visible in the low light of the darkened room coloring his face. Jim smiled and drew his fingers through Bones' hair. He found it incredibly endearing that after all these months he could still make Bones blush like that with just a look.

"I had no idea I was going to miss you, and Joanna, as much as I did," Jim admitted. "My apartment doesn't even feel like home anymore."

Bones pulled back at that, studying Jim with as much attention as Jim had studied him. That particular sentiment was something he'd realized he'd been feeling too…that his home didn't quite feel like his home anymore when Jim wasn't there. He'd shied away from that thought, though, unsettled by it. Up until then,  _home_  was him and Joanna. It still was, of course, but Jim had become such an integral part of his life…it just wasn't completely home if he wasn't there.

That was new. He'd never felt that way before. About anyone.

Leonard kissed Jim again, one hand on the side of his face, his thumb gently stroking Jim's cheek. His heart sped up a bit at the thought of what he could do about it, and he paused for a moment, really trying to think it through. It sounded good…it felt right…but, god, it was a huge step. Leaps and bounds over a spare key and some closet space. Before he could get his brain in agreement with his heart, Jim spoke.

"Bones?" he asked after a moment, a slight frown on his face. "You okay?"

Leonard let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd taken, and smiled, kissing him again to smooth it over. It sounded good…but maybe not yet.

"Definitely. Just can't believe how lucky I am."

Jim grinned, his smile turning suggestive as he moved his lower body against Bones, feeling his hand tighten in his hair.

"How lucky do you want to get?" Jim asked in a whisper, his lips barely brushing Leonard's, tongue coming out to teasingly lick. Jim rolled his hips again and reached one hand down between them, reaching into Leonard's underwear to cup him, feeling him harden as he gently squeezed.

Leonard's groan seemed to go straight to his cock, and Jim bucked slightly in response. Not intending for Jim to be left out of this bit of homecoming, Leonard looked right at him as he sucked his own finger into his mouth. Jim held his gaze, lust darkening his eyes. Knowing how sensitive Jim's nipples were, Leonard grinned at the first jolt his body gave as he used that wet finger and his thumb to gently roll the little nub of flesh.

Jim thrust against him as he hardened, trying to get friction as a counterpoint to the intense sensations racing through his body at Leonard's touch. Using his other hand, Leonard pushed Jim's underwear down enough to free him, and moving his leg between Jim's gave him something hard to rub against. Jim panted and stroked Leonard in time to his thrusts, firmly thumbing the cockhead, spreading the moisture collected there.

Their world shrunk to just the two of them, cocooned in each other's arms and warmth. Soft cries and moans of their unhurried and drawn out pleasure were caught in kisses and against skin. Bones pressed his forehead to Jim's shoulder, panting as the sensations from Jim's gentle handling got to be too much for him to take. Jim was trembling with every thrust against Leonard…he could feel wetness spreading on his thigh as Jim rubbed against him. Their movements got less coordinated and more frantic, gasps and drawn out groans getting louder as they strained towards release from the tension winding through them, pulling muscles desperately tight, making their limbs shake.

Leonard's hands were all over Jim's body, reaching down to fondle his balls, gently encircling his cock as he thrust. And then, without even thinking about it, Leonard pulled Jim closer to him, hands squeezing his ass as he did. That touch was so unexpected and felt so good it was enough to push Jim over the edge. With a cry of relief, he was suddenly coming, his hips jerking against Leonard, breath a hot rush of air over Leonard's neck and shoulder. Leonard felt pulses of cum hit his thigh and hand as he continued to stroke Jim through it, pulling all he could out of him. Breathing hard, Jim abandoned the slightly loose, teasing stroke he'd been using on Bones for a more firm touch. With both hands, Jim stroked and reached behind his balls to massage the sensitive area there, remembering how Bones had responded to that before. It worked this time too, and it didn't take long for Leonard to let out a strangled moan and go still as his hands clenched on Jim's arms. He bucked once, twice, and as Jim gently rubbed his cockhead, Leonard let out a sound almost like a sob as he came hard, spurting between them on Jim's hands and stomach.

Breathing hard, sweaty, and completely sated, they went limp against each other. Too content to worry about anything beyond the most simple ways to clean up, they helped each other completely out of their underwear. They wiped themselves off on the fabric as much as they could, and Jim bunched them up and tossed them on the floor. Leonard grunted, a small smile on his face as he pressed a kiss to Jim's temple.

"So glad to have you back," he murmured.

Jim hummed in agreement, rubbing a foot along Leonard's leg.

"Me too."

Sleep pulled them both under quickly, and for the first time in a week, once again wrapped in the comfort of each other, they slept well.

 

* * *

 

Jim woke slowly, in pretty much the same position they'd fallen asleep in. Between being so tired from not sleeping well the previous week and the extremely cathartic experience of being together for the first time in just as long, Jim had been completely knocked out. And, it seemed, so had Leonard. He blinked, his eyes focusing on Bones' face mere inches from his own. Limbs still tangled together, they were close enough to share a pillow.

Gently stroking Bones' dark hair, watching him sleep, Jim bit his lip as he thought back to a conversation he'd had with Chris Pike a couple of weeks ago as the memory of Bones' hands on his ass the night before came back to him.

_"We seem to be…stalled," Jim admitted, unable to completely squash the urge to shift slightly in discomfort. He talked to Chris about everything – including his sex life – but talking to Chris about his sex life with Leonard was…different. And may be questionable, ethically speaking, since Chris was Leonard's therapist too. But he was more than just a therapist to Jim. He was a mentor, a friend, and the closest thing to a stable father figure he'd had since he was about five. So, yeah…he talked to him about everything, and Jim trusted Chris to keep his sessions, and his sessions with Leonard, completely separate._

_"Stalled? As in…not having sex at all?" Chris asked, eyebrows raised in surprise._

_"No…no. We're…doing stuff. Which is great," Jim added quickly. "But, it's always the same stuff lately." He paused, chewing nervously on the edge of his thumb nail. Chris stayed quiet, waiting him out. "It's just…for a while Bones was willing to try some things…even suggested some of it…that he'd not done yet. And even though he started out a little unsure, we worked through it, and it was always great, for both of us." He paused again, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "And I feel like a real asshole for even feeling this way, because I know what he went through, and the lasting effects that has on a person…but he won't even talk about real sex…uh, penetrative sex…" he elaborated, glancing at Chris. He nodded to indicate his understanding. "And he says he trusts me…but I'm worried that he doesn't. Not really. Or…not enough. And I don't know what that would mean for us…you know…going forward." Jim sighed as he finished, leaning back against the couch cushions in his more relaxed, more typical, sprawl._

_Jim was trying hard to come across as casual about this, but Chris easily saw past that. He knew Jim well enough to know that it really wasn't the sex issue that concerned him most, but the underlying trust, or perceived lack thereof, in the relationship. Trust was a major sticking point for Jim. He didn't grant it to others easily, yet he expected it almost unconditionally from anyone he let close. Jim had grown and matured emotionally quite a bit since they first met, and his studies did a lot as far as helping him to develop a better understanding of his own psyche. But some things were just too big to step back from. And this relationship with Leonard, this was one of them._

_"Do you recognize that you're talking about two separate issues here?" Chris asked, trying to gauge where Jim was in his own head._

_"Yeah, I do. That's why I haven't said anything to Leonard. I don't really care all that much about what kind of sex we have – never thought I'd say that, by the way – but I want him to trust me. And I know that's more about me than him."_

_Chris nodded, pleased that Jim was self-aware enough even in this situation to recognize the complicated dynamics._

_"But it doesn't change the way you feel," Chris said._

_"No, it doesn't."_

_"And the way you feel is understandable. What you're experiencing is normal. It's normal for the loved ones of abuse victims to feel like they're not trusted when it comes to things like sex and intimacy. And sometimes that is the case, and it takes a while for the abuse victim to be able to trust again. Does that sound like what's going on with you and Leonard?" Chris asked._

_Jim thought about that for a minute before answering. He thought about everything they'd done together – some of which Bones had suggested on his own. And then he thought back to that night when he'd been triggered into a panic attack. He'd said the only reason he was able to come out of the bathroom was because of Jim's presence. That didn't sound like something someone who didn't trust him would say. Not then, when he was feeling so emotionally vulnerable._

_"No, not really. I mean, the few times we have talked about it, he'd said he refused to do it because he didn't want to hurt me. He doesn't trust himself not to hurt me accidentally." Chris nodded, encouraging Jim to finish the thought. "But he should know he won't hurt me…I even told him as much." He paused again, realizing what Chris had been leading him to. "I have to show him he won't hurt me," he said._

_Chris shrugged slightly._

_"That might help," he said. "But he might also just need more time. Either way, Jim, it's important for you to remember that the issues Leonard has aren't with you, or because of you. You two are obviously good for each other. Just take it slow and…demonstrate."_

He bit his lip as he thought about "demonstrating." He hadn't acted on his own realization or that suggestion so far, putting it off for a time that seemed right while he tried to figure out how to go about it. He didn't want Bones to feel like he was dissatisfied, he didn't want him to feel pressured, and he definitely didn't want him to get freaked out.

And…there was his own discomfort about the whole thing to consider. Not much embarrassed him, but for some reason touching himself while a partner watched, and didn't actually participate, punched all his self-conscious buttons. He'd never…"demonstrated"…for anyone before. Never wanted to. That wasn't the case anymore. Maybe…maybe it would be better to just do it – not talk about it beforehand or offer any explanations about why. Just treat it as something that was a normal part of sex for him.

Suddenly, Bones snorted a little in his sleep, and Jim chuckled quietly. He leaned forward and kissed him softly. Bones hummed against his lips.

"Sorry…" he said, voice rough with sleep when Jim pulled back. "Did I wake you with my snoring?"

"No," Jim answered. "If you snored at all, I didn't hear you. I was down for the count."

Bones opened his eyes and smiled, taking a moment to stretch the stiffness out of his limbs that came from lying in one position for so long.

"Me too. Finally felt like I got a full night's sleep." He pulled away a little and turned on his back, putting an arm around Jim as he rested his head on his shoulder, one of his own arms around Bones' middle. "Wonder what time it is," he said around a yawn.

"Why? Have somewhere to be today?" Jim asked, idly stroking his thumb back and forth over one of Bones' nipples.

"No, but we can't just lay in bed all day, Jim."

"Why not?" Jim asked, raising his head to kiss him. "I kinda like the idea of keeping you in bed all day."

Leonard was quiet for a moment, trying to come up with an answer to that, then chuckled and shrugged.

"I guess there's really no reason we  _have_  to get up," he said. "No kids to worry about, no classes or work, no visiting out-of-town-guests."

"Nothing to distract us," Jim said, sliding his hand down Leonard's body to gently fondle him. "From doing whatever we want." The sensations from Jim's attention made Bones shiver slightly. "You're so responsive," he observed. "You like that?"

"Mmm…feels so good, Darlin'." He opened his eyes when Jim's hand stilled. He was staring at Leonard with an expression he couldn't quite place.

"Jim?" he asked. Jim smiled then, a dazzling, full smile that reflected so much. "What is it?"

"That's the first time you've called me anything other than Jim," he replied.

Leonard searched his eyes for a moment, and then shifted position, pulling away and turning so Jim ended up lying flat on his back on the bed with Leonard and propped up over him. He leaned down to kiss him, hand coming up to cup his face tenderly. He pulled back and smiled, surprised that a simple term of endearment could obviously mean so much to him. Well, if that all it took to get Jim to smile like that, he'd say it more often.

"Darlin'," he whispered, nuzzling that spot on Jim's neck that made him close his eyes and sigh every single time. "I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Jim swallowed around a suddenly suspiciously tight throat, not trusting himself to try and speak. Leonard seemed to get it, though, because he didn't wait for him to say anything, but started kissing his way down Jim's body, pushing the blankets off of them as he went.

He was more than half hard by the time Leonard placed a kiss on his lower belly, hands stroking Jim's hips. Jim groaned and pressed his head back into the mattress when Bones took him in his mouth, the wet heat and suction and the feel of Bones' tongue circling and stroking him overwhelming. One of Jim's hands settled gently on his head, fingers tangling in the dark strands, the other twisting in the sheet. Breathy, panting whines came from somewhere deep in his chest as his hips twitched, the sensations too intense to stay still. It was so, so good…there was only one thing that would make it even better. Now was as good a time as any to demonstrate.

Trying to gather enough brain cells to get his limbs to cooperate with him, Jim forced his eyes open and scanned the bedside table. There, behind the lamp, was what he was looking for. Straining to reach, he managed to get hold of it. He slicked his fingers and pulled one leg up, forcing Leonard to shift slightly to accommodate his new position. Hesitating, giving himself time to get over the twinge of embarrassment he felt, he reached down between his and Leonard's bodies, and slid his fingers along his ass to his hole. He circled the ring of muscle, teasing the sensitive skin there, before gently pushing in just slightly, carefully. It had been months, and he was tight. He shuddered and moaned, the feel of Bones' mouth on his cock and his own finger in his ass incredibly intense, especially since it had been so long since his body had been touched that way.

Jim opened his eyes when Bones pulled off of him. Jim watched as Bones watched him finger himself. His eyes flicked to Jim's face, and he flushed slightly but didn't look away or stop what he was doing. Leonard licked his lips nervously, watching as Jim's finger sank deeper into his body.

"Bones," Jim said. He waited until he met his eyes again. "God, I need you to make me come,  _please_." Bones wrapped his hand around Jim's length and sucked at the head, then stopped to run his tongue around the ridge and tease the sensitive underside. Jim's hips bucked and he cried out. He forced his eyes open when he felt Bones touch his hand between his legs.

"Jim…you like that…being inside like that?"

Jim stilled his motion and forced himself to focus – not an easy task given the circumstances.

"Yeah, Bones," he said, shivering a little under the onslaught of sensations rushing through him. "It feels good…especially with your mouth on me." Leonard seemed to hesitate for a moment, studying Jim's face, before gently pulling Jim's hand away. "Bones?"

"Let me," he said.

Jim smiled slightly and handed Bones the bottle of lube. Jim pulled his other leg up so that Bones could sit between. He watched as Bones coated his fingers and Jim could see that his hands were shaking slightly. He almost said something, but decided to keep his mouth shut. Bones might be nervous, but Jim wanted him to have the chance to work through it on his own. He'd done so before.

Bones' first touch was tentative and soft, and torturous for Jim in his current state. He was already so aroused he felt like his was seconds from coming, but he knew he wouldn't be able to without more stimulation than this. What he really wanted was Bones' mouth back on him. Bones circled the ring of muscle gently, watching Jim's reactions. He squirmed slightly, clutching the sheets in white-knuckled fists. Finally,  _finally_ , Bones pressed inward slightly, freezing when Jim grunted and bucked his hips slightly.

"Bones," he gasped. "Please, I need more!" He groaned in relief as he felt Bones ease his finger deeper, gently stroking his insides. Jim shuddered and felt himself clamp and release rhythmically with the slow motion of Bones' single finger. Wanting to encourage, he didn't try to check his moans, panting hard. When Bones crooked his finger and pressed right on the right spot, Jim cried out and bucked. Bones chuckled slightly and Jim looked down the length of his body at him.

"Bones…" he said between breaths. "How…?"

"I  _am_  a doctor, Jim," Leonard answered the unarticulated question. "I know my way around the human body." He pressed again, and Jim's eyes rolled up in his head as his body jerked in response. He almost sobbed in relief when Bones' other hand closed around his straining, leaking cock. Between the relentless stroking of his prostate and his cock, Jim only lasted another minute. He came with a shout, feeling his cum hit his upper chest and chin, as he bucked uncontrollably, head thrashing from side to side. It was so intense, he nearly blacked out.

Trying to catch his breath, his body twitched as Bones eased his finger out. Bones reached for the box of tissues on the bedside table, and Jim jerked when Bones gently wiped his spent cock. He plucked a couple others out of the box, wiped his hands and Jim's chest and chin. Tossing them on the floor, Bones moved to lie alongside Jim, resting his head on his chest, listening as Jim's heartbeat slowed as his body calmed down. Jim wrapped his arm around him and held him tightly. They lie quietly for a minute until Jim realized that moisture was hitting his chest. Jim raised his head to try and get a look at Bones' face, concerned.

"Bones?" Leonard shook his head and wiped at his face.

"I'm fine. It's just – thank you," he whispered. Relieved, Jim didn't respond but held Bones a little tighter, stroking his other hand through Bones' thick hair.

Words weren't necessary.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lazy mornings, vacation plans, a movie, and news about the kidnapper all make for a full Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) The medical information about ALS and the TNF-a molecule, as well as the information about the drug is all real, if somewhat outdated. I got it from "Dartmouth Medicine" online journal, Fall 2007. If you are interested in reading the article send me an IM and I will send you a proper link.
> 
> 2) This part contains some very, very slight spoilers for the movie Inception.
> 
> 3) I've gotten a lot of requests for specific things to happen, and I've tried to address them in this part. That said, this chapter does contain a lot of set up. Hope it's not too boring.

After waking up the second time that day, they did eventually get up. Biological imperatives demanded it. But also, and more persuadingly, Leonard demanded it.

"You smell, Jim. We both smell. We need to take showers, and we need to eat and rehydrate. And…" he paused, stretching his arms above his head as Jim ogled him from where he still lay, half covered by the blanket. He eyed the bed as he pulled on a pair of boxers. "I want to change the sheets."

Jim sighed dramatically and pushed himself up, idly scratching his belly. He didn't particularly care about the sheets, seeing as how they were just going to mess up the next set anyway. But, whatever. Not about to concede so easily, even though the rest of it sounded pretty good, Jim let himself flop back down, gripping a pillow that Bones was trying to wrest away from him.

"Rehydrate Bones? Really?" Jim said with a roll of his eyes. "Just grab a couple of water bottles from the fridge. I'm not all that hungry yet…for food." He leered playfully at Leonard who simply rolled his eyes and abandoned trying to get the pillow out of Jim's grasp for yanking the blankets off of the bed.

"Hey!" Jim protested, grabbing for them and failing entirely.

"That could work," Leonard said, with a shrug, ignoring Jim's antics. "Then I wouldn't have to waste time making French toast and bacon."

Jim held out for a moment before caving, as Leonard knew he would. French toast was recently one of Jim's most favorite foods…at least it was the way Leonard made it. Jim's own version of buttered toast sprinkled liberally with cinnamon and sugar didn't even come close to the sweet, rich McCoy recipe that included eggs, milk, vanilla, a splash of orange juice, and a bit of nutmeg with the cinnamon. It was more like a dessert than a breakfast, especially the way Jim liked it, doused in maple syrup and sprinkled with powdered sugar, and as such it wasn't eaten very often in the McCoy household. But once in a while never hurt anyone.

"Right…shower, laundry, rehydration and your awesomely fantastic French toast. What's the occasion for the special breakfastly deliciousness Bones?" Jim asked.

Leonard shrugged, watching Jim fondly and not a small amount of lust and admiration as he did a full body stretch, completely at ease in his own skin in front of him.

"No special reason. I just like cooking for you, and you like it, so…"

Jim smiled, feeling a little thrill at the simple, but expressive, gesture.  _God, I love him_ , Jim thought.

"Let's shower together," Jim said, standing. "So I can give you a preemptive thank you for breakfast."

He wrapped his arms around Leonard from behind, kissing his neck. He tipped his head to the side automatically, giving Jim more access. A small smile played on his lips. They'd only done that once before…months ago now. He'd not particularly enjoyed himself all that much then…not because of Jim, though. His own self-consciousness and insecurity were too much for him to overcome and though he wanted to be there, the stress of the situation was enough to detract any pleasure he could have gotten from it. But now…now he felt like a different person from the man he used to be.

Now, things that he'd pretty much had to force himself to do, like share a shower, weren't a cause for trepidation, and were actually  _fun_. That was a totally new concept for Leonard – that sex wasn't something that was done because it was expected, or something that he should be wary of…that it was fun, and loving, and a physical and emotional connection that he hadn't experienced before. And he knew that he owed this new understanding to Jim. He wouldn't have ever discovered this part of life if it wasn't for him. Leonard was sure of that. It kind of boggled his mind that he could go this long without knowing this part of life…and that it would've continued had it not been for Jim.

Leonard smiled at his suggestive smirk and leaned in to kiss him. He felt Jim's body twitch in renewed interest as he pressed against him. He pulled away after a moment.

"Let me just start a wash with the bed stuff, and I'll join you," Bones promised.

"Awesome!" Jim exclaimed. "Don't take too long…I'll be waiting."

Making quick work of stripping the bed and the pillows, he threw a new set of linens on the mattress to be dealt with later. Moving through the kitchen to the small washer and dryer tuck in the back corner of the pantry, he quickly checked the time…a little after noon. No wonder he was hungry. They would deal with that later.

In the shower, Jim and Leonard took their time, enjoying the feel of the hot water loosening stiff muscles. Lazily, they soaped each other, running slick hands over sensitive parts, following with soft kisses across wet, heated skin. Leonard used a cloth to clean Jim of the lube left between his cheeks from earlier, and then gently ran his fingers over the sensitive skin there. Jim gasped and bucked slightly, and Leonard wrapped an arm around his midsection, not wanting him to lose his footing on the tile. Jim turned his head, to look at Leonard over his shoulder.

"My turn. Okay?"

Leonard hesitated, then nodded slightly, and Jim turned completely, glancing down before wrapping his arms around Leonard, pressing their bodies together in a tight hug.

"Need to make sure you're nice and clean for later," he whispered in Leonard's ear, gently biting at his earlobe.

He smiled at the resulting shiver that coursed through Bones' body. Taking the washcloth from Bones, he rinsed it out and then resoaped it. Jim was happy to try this as long as Bones was, but he wanted to stay in front of him because he was unsure how this was going to be received. Reaching around Bones' slim waist, he started by rubbing the cloth over his lower back, paying close attention and looking for any reactions that indicated what he was doing wasn't welcome.

Gently drawing the cloth lower, over the flesh of Bones' ass, he paused when he felt Bones arch his back slightly, pushing his pelvis against Jim…effectively moving away from what Jim was doing. Bones didn't say anything, but rested his forehead on Jim's shoulder, one hand squeezing Jim's bicep. They stood together like that – Jim waiting for some indication of what Bones was thinking.

"I'm fine, Jim," he said after a moment. "If I need you to stop, I'll tell you."

Jim smiled.

"Okay, Bones," he said. Jim pressed a kiss to Bones' neck, sucking and tonguing him. He continued to clean Bones, carefully pressing the washcloth between his cheeks, waiting for the muscles to relax when Bones tensed reflexively. Eventually, he did relax and Jim continued, murmuring tender encouragement. After a minute or so, Jim let the washcloth fall to the shower floor, and used his fingers to swipe over Bones' opening. He gasped and bucked forward at that, and a quick glance at his face confirmed what the fully erect cock pressing against his hip was telling him…Bones wasn't uncomfortable, wasn't scared, wasn't trying to suppress nerves. He was enjoying himself.  _That_  was awesome.

Eventually Jim backed away from Leonard, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before using his hands to guide Bones into turning around.

"You may want to brace yourself against the wall," Jim said, and then he was on his knees behind Bones, holding his hips tightly while gently spreading his cheeks.

"Jim, wha-  _oh!_ …" Leonard couldn't stop himself from bucking at the first touch of Jim's tongue against him. "God, Jim..." Balling his hands into fists, he leaned his head against his arms. Breathing harshly, he did his best to still his movements, grateful for Jim's firm grip. Squeezing his eyes closed, it didn't take long before he was reaching down, desperate for a firm grip on his cock. Stroking himself, he grunted in time to the swipes of the teasing tongue and it wasn't long before he came with a shout, his hips jerking against Jim's grip.

Jim stood up and hugged Bones from behind, providing support waiting for him to come down and be firm on his feet once again. He listened to the gasped breaths as he ran his hands soothingly over Bones' torso. Eventually, he turned and kissed Jim deeply.

"I thought you said later," Leonard said. "What was that all about?" Jim smiled and shrugged, kissing him again and running his hands through Bones' wet hair.

"It was later," he replied. "Think of it as…positive reinforcement."

It took a second, but Jim saw the moment of comprehension, and his smile became a wider grin as Bones chuckled. He reached down and wrapped his hand around Jim's erection, squeezing firmly. Jim gasped and bit his lip, closing his eyes as his cocked throbbed.

"I don't think I can get on my knees on the tile without doing some damage, so think of this as a rain check," he said. He stroked Jim quickly, catching the resulting moans in a deep kiss. Bones claimed Jim's mouth firmly, stroking his tongue. He felt Jim clutch his shoulders, digging his fingers in as he held on, trying to deal with the friction that was driving him to the edge swiftly. "Come for me, Darlin'," Bones whispered, when Jim pulled away to breathe, panting harshly.

He stiffened, actually rising up on his toes as he thrust into Bones' grip…once, twice…and then he was coming with a shout and allowing his head to fall back and thump gently on the tiles behind him. Leonard kept his eyes on Jim's face, drinking in the expression of complete abandon and ecstasy. That he was the one to do this to him…to bring him this pleasure, to see him like this…it was overwhelming and gratifying and just…amazing.

After Jim came back to himself, they quickly finished up, taking turns washing each other's hair and rinsing off before stepping out of the shower and drying themselves. They idly talked about plans for later in the day…maybe a movie, maybe dropping by a bookstore and losing themselves in the aisles for a while…as they finished dressing and remaking the bed.

Moving into the kitchen, Jim fetched the eggs, milk, orange juice and bacon from the fridge while Bones gathered the other ingredients and materials.

"This is like, the best breakfast ever, Bones," Jim said enthusiastically. He was carefully measuring out the dry ingredients, not wanting to mess the treat up.

"You're a pretty intelligent guy, Jim," Bones said as he beat the wet ingredients in a bowl. "And this is a really simple recipe. You could learn how to make it if you wanted to."

Jim didn't answer right away, and seemed to keep his full attention on what he was doing, reaching for the cinnamon and nutmeg Bones had put out for him to add to the little bowl.

"Nah," he said eventually, tipping the spices into the mixture. "I kinda like that you cook for me. It's…it's not something anyone else ever really did for us…for me and Sam...when mom was always busy."

Leonard let that sink in for a second, and he felt an echo of the melancholy he heard in Jim's voice at the memory of the simple things he really didn't get to experience growing up – things Bones took for granted.

"Well, give the bowl to me, then. Let's get this done...I'm gettin' hungry."

Leonard poured the egg mixture over the triangle cut pieces of bread he'd arranged in the loaf pan and stuck it in the oven. Turning his attention to the bacon, Jim grabbed plates and silverware, feeling very domestic and very content.

"So…" Leonard said, sitting down to a plate of something he considered just one step below cake for breakfast. "I have some news."

He described the studies he'd been doing on ALS in his research, and how he'd written and submitted a paper on the effectiveness of using thalidomide to block the pro-inflammatory molecule TNF-a in patients with ALS. It wasn't nearly a cure, but it looked like it slowed the process of redistributing the mitochondria in motor neurons that were cultured in the lab. So…not a cure, but maybe a treatment. Definitely a step in the right direction, and a pretty big one at that.

"Isn't thalidomide that morning sickness drug that was banned because it caused birth defects in babies back in the 60s?" Jim asked, pausing between bites to ask with interest.

"Yes, but it's been approved to treat some cancers, and we're also testing another one, lenalidomide – that's related to it, but doesn't have as many side effects. But anyway," Leonard continued, getting back on track. "The news is that I've been invited to present my paper at a neurology conference down in Orlando in Florida in a couple of weeks."

"That's fantastic, Bones!" Jim said enthusiastically. "Congratulations!"

Leonard smiled.

"Thanks. So…I was thinking I would turn this trip into a little vacation, maybe take Joanna to Disney World. I think she's old enough to enjoy it now. And I know it's short notice, but I want you to come with us."

Jim stared at him for a moment, then broke out in a huge grin.

"Bones, seriously? I would  _love_  to come with you guys! Can we stay on Disney property? We  _have_  to get to all four parks…this is going to be so much fun! I've never been to Disney World before!"

Leonard chuckled at Jim's exuberance. It  _was_  going to be fun.

 

* * *

 

After their breakfast that was actually late enough to be lunch, Leonard insisted that they get out…do something.

"Why?" Jim asked. "We could just go back to bed…take a nap. Or…not. I do have a rain check to cash in."

Leonard smiled and shook his head.

"Because when my daughter and your very nice, but somewhat nosey, family asks us what we did this weekend, I want to have something that I can tell them," he replied.

"Fine," Jim agreed – awfully quickly, Leonard thought. "Let's go see a movie."

Jim used Bones' laptop to look up times and theaters and settled on something that looked good to him. He wouldn't tell Leonard, though, saying that it was a surprise. Shrugging, he let Jim have his secret and they headed out.

Disney was the topic of conversation on the drive, with Jim enthusiastically eking out as many details about the parks as he could, when he found out that Bones had been.

"Jim – I was 12. I haven't been to Disney World in years. Besides, as a boy I wasn't interested in the castle as much as the rides," Leonard said, reminding him once again that he had no idea if it were possible to go inside the Magic Kingdom castle. "You do realize, by the way, that there's going to be a lot of stuff Joanna can't go on yet. You'll have to do the rollercoasters by yourself."

"No way, Bones!" Jim exclaimed. "Whatever we can't do is just a reason to visit again, when the munchkin is taller. Besides, it's no fun to do those things by yourself."

Bones conceded the point with a shrug, thrilled at the thought of the years to come…that Jim seemed so sure they would future summer vacations together. He loved that.

"We'll have to do some online research," Jim said seriously. "Joanna would  _love_  it if we could get in the castle." Leonard huffed a laugh at that, and made a decision that he was relatively sure he would end up regretting later, but also knowing it was the completely right thing to do.

"Okay, you're in charge," he said. Jim looked over at him as he was fiddling with the radio, looking for a station that played something they both liked.

"In charge of what?" Jim asked.

"Planning the Disney part of the trip, and the travel. Fly us in the day before my talk. Pick a good hotel, because the first day you and Jo will have to hang out at there while I give my presentation…but then after that…it's all Disney. Handle the parks, plot our destinations…whatever you want that you think Joanna will like…you said there were four parks, right? Plan for one park per day, and fly us home the day after the last park. That's a full week and should give us plenty of time to see and do everything we want to, whether or not we spend the whole day at a single park. Maybe get tickets that allow us to go to as many parks as we want in the time that we're there. Okay?"

When he didn't get a response from Jim, he looked over at him…and smiled at the look on his face.

"Really?" Jim asked, obviously thrilled. "This is going to be so amazing…I've never been on an actual, honest-to-god vacation before!" His enthusiasm was infectious, and Leonard felt himself responding to it, a smile spreading across his face. "I cannot wait to tell Jo."

"And Jim…this is something  _I_  want to do for us. You understand me?"

Jim bit his lip, and looked over at him, hesitating. He wasn't sure exactly how comfortable he was with that.

"Bones, I can pay for my own flight and park ticket, and we can split the hotel…" Jim trailed off as Bones shook his head.

"No…this is the first vacation I'm taking too…and what good is all the work I'm doing, all the time I put in away from Jo at the hospital, if I can't enjoy what I can do because of it with the people I love. Just…let me. Please?"

And how could he put up a fight when Bones put it like that. Very simply, he couldn't.

At the theater, Leonard stopped Jim from buying tickets when he heard what movie he was asking for. Excusing them from the ticket window, Leonard pulled Jim to the side.

" _Machete_ , Jim? Seriously? What possible reason could you have for wanting to see something like that? You like to watch people getting hacked up?"

"It's the action, Bones! Besides, it has some good names in it…Cheech Marin, Stephen Seagal, Don Johnson…"

"Not really doing much to convince me, Jim."

"Umm…Robert De Niro…" Jim continued. Leonard sighed. "Fine, Bones. What do you want to see?  _Eat, Pray, Love_?"

Leonard made a face at that, and scanned the movies and times on the screen above the heads of the ticket salesmen.

"How about  _Inception_? That looked interesting."

Happy with the compromise, Jim bought the tickets and led them to the concession stand. Apparently, it was impossible to watch a movie without popcorn. As they stood in line, Jim noticed a couple of women checking Bones out. Jim couldn't exactly blame them…Bones did look totally hot in jeans…but it rankled him nonetheless. Bones, bless his single-minded heart, was completely oblivious, grumbling about the amount of sodium in movie theater popcorn and how it was possible to still be hungry after practically having just eaten. Moving closer to him, Jim made eye contact with the women and slipped his hand into Bone's back pocket, smirking as their eyes widened and they whispered to each other. Leonard glanced at Jim, and then followed his eyeline to where he was looking. He rolled his eyes, but smiled, feeling strangely smug that he could engender possessive feelings in Jim – particularly since Leonard still had the occasional doubt about what Jim saw in him that made him want to stay around.

"They weren't looking at  _me_  Jim…you're the good-looking one," he said.

Jim just gave him a look.

"You completely underestimate yourself, Bones," he said seriously, moving forward in the line. "But you just go on being oblivious to it…I like that you don't see anyone else."

Leonard leaned over, close enough to gently brush his ear with his lips.

"No one else worth seeing, darlin'," he whispered.

Finally it was their turn, and Leonard moved forward to order the popcorn Jim wanted without waiting for a response. Making their way into the mostly empty theater – apparently the movie had been out for several weeks by now – they chose seats in the back, well away from the few other patrons.

At the end of the movie, they agreed it seemed okay, but neither one had paid quite enough attention to what was happening on the screen to completely get what happened.

"So, did everyone end up waking up at the end?" Leonard asked, tossing their garbage in the trash on the way out. He definitely hadn't paid enough attention to follow the story line.

"No idea," Jim replied. "But this was one of the best times I've ever had at the movies."

Leonard smirked and flushed faintly, a little embarrassed that they'd basically acted like a couple of stupid teenagers on a date. Stepping back out into the parking lot, Jim pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and realized he had a voicemail.

"Nyota and Spock are going to a little coffee place not far from here, and then they're going to the open air market…she called to ask if we wanted to join them for a while," Jim reported, checking his watch. "Her message said they'd be there at four, and it's four-fifteen now. What do you think, you up for it?"

"Sure," Leonard replied, shrugging. It was a beautiful day…it would be a shame to not take advantage of it at least a little. Besides, he could get some of the grocery shopping done here. "Where is it?"

Jim pointed him in the right direction and called her back, letting her know they were on their way.

"They just got there a couple of minutes ago…they'll wait for us."

Leonard nodded and followed Jim's quietly spoken directions. In a couple of minutes they were in the right area.

"Park anywhere you can…it's crowded here today," Jim observed.

After a couple of minutes, Leonard found a spot at a meter. He fished around in the center consol for change, and Jim fed it enough quarters for a couple of hours, and then they headed down the road to the coffee shop. Making their way inside, Jim scanned the crowded, popular Café Bean.

"Nyota, hi!" Jim said, spotting them at a table for four. Nyota waved back and Jim weaved his way through the tables. He bent to kiss her cheek. "Been a while, huh?" he teased. "Hey, Spock, how are you?"

"Quite well, thank you. And yourselves?" he asked. Leonard settled himself in the chair across from Spock and Jim took the other.

"Fine, thanks," Leonard replied. "Thanks for giving us a call…I've not been to an open air market here yet. I've missed them since moving here."

"No problem," Nyota replied. "It's just a couple blocks away…I figured we'd walk there afterwards. And they are the best places to get some really delicious produce." She started to hand a menu to Leonard. "Spock and I ordered a snack…did you want anything?"

Jim opened his mouth, but Leonard cut him off. There is no way Jim could possibly need anything else to eat before dinner…a much later dinner.

"We just had popcorn at the movie theater," Leonard answered. "We're stuffed." Jim rolled his eyes at Leonard, but only asked for two cups of coffee when the waitress came around.

"So, what did you see?" Nyota asked. "Spock and I were thinking of going to the movies later on."

" _Inception_  – the one about stealing information from people while their dreaming," Leonard replied.

Spock glanced up and nodded slightly.

"Several people have recommended that movie as having an interesting plotline that relies heavily on ambiguity and allegory to create a layered, interwoven story. Was it enjoyable?" he asked.

Jim glanced at Leonard and smirked slightly.

"We actually don't really know," he replied dryly.

Leonard flushed and choked slightly on a sip of coffee. He glared at Jim as Nyota chuckled. Spock quirked an eyebrow.

"Indeed. Then if Nyota and I make the decision to patronize the cinema this evening, we will endeavor to pay slightly more attention and offer our review," he said. Nyota rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly, and Jim hid a smile behind his coffee cup.

"Speak for yourself," she said lightly, throwing a wink at him.

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, Jim sat sideways on the couch, Leonards' laptop resting on a lapdesk balanced on his thighs, his feet propped in Leonard's lap. Leonard watched him as he surfed the internet, reading reviews on Disney hotels, checking out available ticket packages, and researching flights. He was taking this very seriously…Leonard found it incredibly adorable. Gently squeezing the sock-clad feet in his lap, he refocused his attention on the local news station, thinking about what they could do tomorrow if the weather was as cooperative as it was today. He was feeling lazy and content and more than a little drowsy…and he wouldn't change a thing right now. At a commercial, he turned back to Jim, curious about what he was learning.

"Find anything that looks good?" he asked.

Jim glanced up and nodded enthusiastically.

"They've got these tickets called Park Hoppers…they let you go to as many different parks as you want as many times you want during your stay," he replied.

"That sounds like a good way to go. We can be flexible and do what we want without having to try to stick to a schedule; repeat a park if we want," Leonard said.

Jim nodded.

"Yeah, and one of the hotels has a monorail station  _inside_  it…it goes right through the lobby of one of the main buildings!"

At Bones' questioning look, he explained what he'd learned about the monorail system…about how they connected to Epcot and the main bus, monorail, and ferry hub called the Transportation and Ticket Center.

"That means we'd never have to take the car once we were there. Between the Disney busses and the monorail system, we could get anywhere."

"That sounds like a major selling-" He cut himself off as his attention was caught by something a reporter was saying on the news station. "Jim," he said, gently tugging his foot to get his attention. "Listen."

_"…brought this story to you first when it broke a month ago. The man accused of trying to abduct a child from McKinley Elementary during the last day of school has been charged with an additional three counts of sexual misconduct with a child, and police are crediting a brave young man who was willing to come forward and tell his story with giving other victims the courage to do the same. The names of abuse victims are typically withheld, but as the young man is nearly eighteen, and the statute of limitations has passed for his particular case, he and his parents have given permission for him to be on camera. Mark Taylor has the story."_

The scene cut away to an interview set up, and they watched as a reporter talked with a young man. His features were still softened by childhood and he had a mop of curly hair, making him appear younger than he was. He had a surprisingly thick accent, as well. They listened as he told his story of attending piano lessons as a seven year old, how the instructor started by having him sit in his lap on the piano bench because he couldn't reach the pedals…and how something that had started off as a seemingly innocent interaction escalated to more disturbing acts with each lesson, and how it had kept happening until he moved. He'd been too afraid to tell anyone, believing the abuser when he said he'd hurt his parents if he ever told.

Feeling sick as he listened to how this boy's innocence was taken from him in such a way, Jim's eyes flicked to Leonard, noting the pressure on his foot where he gripped him had increased. He was staring at the screen with an unreadable expression on his face, and the guilt Jim had felt when it happened came flooding back.  _Thank God for this kid,_  Jim thought.  _The more they have against this scumbag, the better._

"Bones," he said quietly, when the story came to an end. Jim gently pulled his foot free of Leonard's grasp, and leaned forward to place the computer on the floor. He changed his position, turning so he could press up against Leonard's side, and was completely relieved when Leonard's arm went around him automatically, holding him tightly as Jim wrapped an arm around his midsection. "They're going to have enough on him to put him away for the rest of his life," he offered, hoping that if Leonard knew that, it would help.

"I thought predators stuck to a specific type," Leonard said. "He's switched from boys to girls…or at least he did for Joanna. Why?"

Jim sighed slightly and shrugged.

"There are two main types of child predators," he said. "Preferential predators are very specific when it comes to the type of child and will go to great lengths to find the one that fits what they're looking for. Opportunistic predators are more concerned with  _how_  they get their-" he cut himself off before saying "victims". He didn't want to associate Joanna with that term. "…with how they find what their looking for," he said instead.

Leonard nodded distractedly.

"That's what Detective Carmichael said. That they were experts at finding the kind of child who looked like they would be easy to take."

Jim remained quiet, listening to the television. He knew what was bothering Bones…that someone had recognized Joanna as an "easy target," and the concern that if it happened once, it could happen again. Jim licked his lips nervously, going over what he was about to suggest.

"Maybe…maybe we could look into putting Joanna in some type of class, Tae Kwon Do, or something like that, to help her gain some confidence…give her some extra skills to help her deal with…things," he said. Jim practically held his breath, waiting to see how Bones would take this suggestion. He was silent for a moment, and then urged Jim up. Jim sat, searching Bones' eyes for some indication of what he was thinking. Seeing the concern in his face, Bones leaned forward and kissed Jim firmly.

"That," he said. "Is a great idea, Jim. Thank you."

He was rewarded with a bright smile as Jim's body relaxed, releasing the tension in his frame.

"I'll look around and see what I can find that would be good for her," he said.

"Thank you," Leonard said again. "This is just one of the many, many reasons I love you." Jim smiled and leaned forward to kiss Leonard, controlling it this time, pressing Leonard back into the couch cushions.

"Why don't you take me to bed and show me," he said. "I believe I have a rain check to collect."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard takes another significant step forward with Jim and contemplates another. Joanna and Jim spend some time together, and Jim gets to experience the ickier side of being a parent.

Leonard captured Jim's moans in heated kisses, gently nibbling on his bottom lip, humming in response to Jim's panting whines. Wrapped around each other, Leonard could feel the tremors coursing through Jim's body with every shift of his fingers inside of him. Completely focused on Jim, Leonard experimented with what made him react, drinking in each expression, every whispered curse or plea or endearment. A firmer, focused stroke produced a sharp twitch and thrust; moving away from that spot and stroking softly made Jim shiver and clutch Leonard tighter, wordlessly begging for  _more_.

And it felt so good, being held so tightly in Jim's arms as they moved against each other, achingly hard and slippery with lube, teasing Leonard deliciously and driving Jim towards completion. So intent was Leonard on cataloging Jim's every expression, catching his lips between gasping breaths for demanding kisses, he didn't notice when Jim slid one hand between their bodies until he was grasping them both in his hand. Leonard pressed his mouth to Jim's shoulder, biting gently as a groan was wrung from him at the intensity of the contact. Jim arched his neck, pressing his head into the pillow hard, bottom lip caught between his teeth. Taking his mouth again, Leonard focused his attention on that spot within Jim, making him cry out and shake and buck and writhe as he came with a shout, brows drawn tightly together, as he gasped. 

 _He's so beautiful_.

After wringing every bit of pleasure from Jim as he could, Leonard carefully eased his fingers from Jim's body and wiped his hand on a towel he brought with them. He settled beside him, watching his features relax as he caught his breath. Leonard hadn't come yet, and he couldn't help the small thrusts he made against Jim's hip. After a few moments, Jim caught his breath and opened his eyes, turning on his side to face Leonard, a small, contented smile on his face. Jim kissed him deeply and reached down to grasp Leonard, and he could see the love in the blue eyes, and compassion, and the promise of everything to come…and before he even knew what he was saying, Leonard was speaking.

"I want to try it," Leonard said, a flush creeping into his face. Jim stilled his movements and looked at him for a moment, searching his eyes. He knew exactly what Leonard was talking about, and taken aback by it, even as his heart leapt in his chest.

"Are you sure?" Jim asked, careful to keep his voice level. He brought one hand up to cup Leonard's face, tracing the line of his eyebrow, holding his gaze steadily. Leonard swallowed, closed his eyes to hide the nerves he couldn't quite control, but decided he didn't care about, and turned his head to press a kiss to Jim's palm.

"I'm sure. I love you. I trust you." He sighed and opened his eyes, reaching to wrap his arms around Jim. Jim moved into his embrace, placing one of his legs over Leonard's hip to draw him in as close as possible. "And I want to be with you…share this with you. I – I'm tired of being held back. I'm tired of denying myself what I want. You…all of you."

Jim stroked Leonard's back and carded his hand through his hair, thinking. It did sound as if Leonard wanted this for himself…which was exactly where he needed to be. Pushing himself to do this for Jim's benefit, if he didn't feel ready, would be a mistake. But it didn't sound like this was for Jim's benefit. Pulling back enough to kiss Bones, Jim reveled in the pride he felt for him…for coming so far in such relatively short time…and sent a silent thanks for this incredible man he was so lucky to have in his life.

"I love you, too, Bones," Jim said. He waited until Leonard was looking him in the eye. "I love that you want to do this with me…but if you need to stop at any time, just tell me, okay? I only want what you want."

Leonard took another breath and nodded.

"How should I...?" he started to ask as he tried to pull away. Jim stopped him with a shake of his head and kissed him again.

"You're fine just like that."

Jim looked around them and reached for the bottle of lube. He coated his fingers liberally and looked back at Bones, who had gone still and quiet beside him. Lying on their sides, facing each other, Jim could hear Bones' breath… quickened by the nervousness that was visible in his eyes. But Jim didn't mention it. He trusted that Bones would tell him if he wanted to stop, and he didn't want to cause him more stress by calling attention to nerves that (he hoped) would pass.

Jim withdrew his leg from across his hip, and urged Bones to place his leg across his hip instead. That way, lying on their sides face to face, Jim could reach around his body without having to let him go. Bones' arms tightened around Jim, and he felt his hot breath hit his shoulder where he kept his head down, hiding his face against him. Jim gently let his hand pass over Bones' ass, letting him get used to this particular touch he'd only really experienced with Jim a couple of times before, and then slightly pressed between, stopping when he felt Bones tense.

Trying to regulate his breathing, trying to get his muscles to cooperate with him, Leonard focused on the sound of Jim's voice as he murmured softly to him. Inhaling deeply, he focused on the scent of Jim that he's come to recognize as  _safe_  and  _love_  and  _home_. He focused on the feel of him, running his hands over the now-familiar body. His heart was pounding in his chest – a result not only of the arousal still thrumming through him, but also of the reflexive fear he was doing his best to ignore. Biting his lip, he focused on everything that was  _Jim_ , and as he felt him stroke slick fingers over his opening, Leonard clung to him, clung to  _now_.

As Jim gently massaged around the tight ring of muscle, not pressing inward just yet, he talked to Leonard. Keeping his voice low and calm, he urged Leonard to relax, to let himself be loose. He paused when he felt a tremor pass through Leonard, who was being very quiet except for the sound of his harsh, quickened breathing.

"Shh…relax for me, Bones," Jim said, bringing his other hand up to grasp and gently squeeze the back of his neck. "I love you. I've got you." He stroked Leonard softly, urging his body to let him in. After a couple of minutes, Leonard took another deep breath and on the shuddery exhale, he finally was able to let the tension go.

His face still pressed against Jim's shoulder, he felt him turn to kiss his temple as his finger breached his entrance. A strangled, cut-off sound forced its way out of Leonard at the unfamiliar feel of it. He gasped when Jim turned his wrist, twisting his finger inside of him carefully, slowly easing it further inside. Squeezing his eyes closed, hands balling into fists against Jim's back, Leonard fought the urge to pull away, even as his muscles tightened again to do just that. He clenched his jaw, trapping the  _no_  in his throat.

"Breathe, Bones," Jim said against his hair as he gently stroked Leonard inside. "Don't hold your breath; breathe and try to relax." He felt that Bones was quickly losing his erection, and he could feel that his nerves were starting to get the best of him. Jim did not want that to happen. Turning his wrist again to change the angle, Jim brushed over the sensitive spot within him, tightening his hold as Bones' body jerked against him.

" _Uh!_ " Leonard grunted, surprised by the intensity of the sensation. "Oh, god…do that again."

Smiling slightly, Jim complied, relishing the sounds that Leonard was making as he gasped against Jim's shoulder. Jim focused on wringing as many of those delicious whimpers as he could from him, gratified to feel that Leonard was becoming hard again.

Leonard jerked with each pass of Jim's finger over his prostate. He never expected it to feel like  _this_. Dimly, he was aware of the sounds that were forcing their way out of him, but he couldn't focus enough to be embarrassed by it. He couldn't think enough to be embarrassed…all he could do was react. Jim was working him to climax quickly, without even touching his cock. Each swipe of the fingers inside of him made him buck his hips, rubbing his cock against Jim, until Leonard started thrusting rhythmically. Jim matched his movements, and soon he was completely lost in pleasure so intense he couldn't keep himself from crying out. Jim pulled back just enough to kiss Leonard as he groaned.

"Come on, Bones," he said against his ear. "Want you to come for me." Leonard was clutching Jim tightly, desperately. He strained, teetering on the edge for forever. And when he finally,  _finally_  was pushed over, he came with a hoarse shout, almost sobbing with relief as the contractions coursed through him. Jim held him through it, whispering something that he couldn't even understand, caught up as he was in the wave of release.

Slowly, his body and his grip on Jim relaxed and he worked to catch his breath. He calmed enough to start feeling just the tiniest bit self-conscious about how he'd reacted, but the feel of Jim gently stroking his back, and the whispered  _love you so much, you're so beautiful, so amazing_  alleviated that uncertainty. Completely sated and feeling like he had at least a tenuous control on his emotions, he eventually opened his eyes and met Jim's as he watched him. Smiling, Jim kissed him and Leonard responded, lips meeting gently, softly now, breathing into each other, luxuriating in the shared bliss and warmth and love.

"Hey," Jim said, when they broke apart. "How are you?"

Not quite willing to trust his voice, and still feeling like he may start crying like girl, he had to look away. He swallowed hard and took a couple of steadying breaths. Jim watched him for a few moments until he was sure that the emotion on Bones' face was not distress. Then, he reached behind himself for the towel, wiping his hands and then taking a couple of moments to clean them up so they wouldn't be uncomfortably sticky…giving Bones a little while to collect himself without feeling like he was under scrutiny.

"Good…I'm good," he said, softly. "It's-" His voice cracked and he stopped. Jim stroked Bones' hair and used his thumb to wipe the moisture from his lashes.

"It's overwhelming," Jim murmured.

Leonard nodded. It was overwhelming. All of it. Not just the act itself, or its result (as mind-blowingly fantastic as that was)…something that, just a few months ago, Bones was sure he would never be able to do because of what had been done to him. Not just that…but also the sense of  _freedom_. And not just knowing, but also having proof that the memories that had held such power over him before were really just memories now. And now, he was free to make new memories with someone he loved. It was overwhelming, and much too much for Leonard to be able to articulate right now. Fortunately, Jim wasn't the kind of person who needed things spelled out for him.

"I understand," he said. He brushed his lips against Bones' cheek, taking one of his hands and lacing their fingers together. Bringing their linked hands up between them, Jim pressed a kiss to the back of Bones'. "I understand."

 

* * *

 

Sometime later, Leonard woke to the sound of Jim snoring quietly. Turning over so he was facing Jim, there was just enough light for him to be able to see him in the darkness. He smiled softly, a rush of affection making him want to touch. Gently, so as not to wake him, Leonard passed his hand over Jim's hair, down the side of his face. Even asleep, Jim responded to his touch, turning his head to keep the contact, murmuring something unintelligible. Jim looked so much younger when he was asleep. Turned on his side, he was curled up slightly, one arm under his pillow, the other curled against his chest, an edge of the sheet clutched loosely in that hand. Leonard stared his fill, the memories of their earlier activities playing over in his mind. Being able to share another intimacy with Jim was another victory that he relished and owed to Jim's patience and devotion to him. He just didn't have the words to express how much that meant to him.

After lying there a few more minutes, Leonard was pretty sure he wasn't going to be sleeping any more. Sighing, he turned to look at the clock. A little after six. He may as well get up. He had class today, and he could go over his notes and get some other things done before he had to leave. Pushing back the blanket, he slowly edged his way off the bed, doing his best to not jostle Jim. He was a fairly light sleeper, and it didn't take a whole lot to wake him. Quietly, he pulled on sweats and a t-shirt and padded out of the room to go to the kitchen.

Once there, he paused. He didn't really  _want_  to work right now. He didn't think his head would be in it. Turning on only the light over the stove, he set about making a cup of tea for himself, using the stove to heat the water. Waiting for it to begin to boil, Leonard let his mind just drift, thinking about Jim and his daughter and what his life was becoming. Life with Joanna had always been good, but sharing their life with Jim…it was so much more than he ever thought he would have – so much more than he ever thought he would want…and now, now he couldn't imagine life any other way.

Taking his tea, he settled on the couch in the family room. He snapped on the reading light and its soft glow was enough for him to be able to look around. Little touches of Jim were visible all over the apartment. A few of the photographs he took during their day on the Bridge were displayed in frames. One of his textbooks was on the coffee table. A pair of sandals were lined up with his and Joanna's shoes by the front entrance. He was here all the time, and it felt right. It felt…natural. He closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like if they officially lived together.

 _Probably exactly like it was now. He's here all the time anyway_ , Leonard thought. Except it would be easier for Jim. Easier financially, easier on his day to day… especially when school starts again. He couldn't think of any possible detriments to Joanna beyond the complications of having a parent in a same-sex relationship. And they would have to deal with that anyway, whether or not they were living together.

They'd been together for almost five months now, and it was strange how that could seem both so fast, and as if he'd known Jim forever. Five months…and they were very much a part of Jim's family already, Jo and Janie more like cousins than just friends. Aurelan and Sam had made it clear to him that he was part of their family. He'd taken the risky step of introducing Jim to his mother…and he knew she was doing her best with that. And true to his word, Jim had not once wavered; had not once given Leonard any inkling that he might be changing his mind…might be getting bored with the day to day of the very domestic life of a single parent.

On the other hand, it had only been five months.

He knew what  _he_  wanted. He wanted a full and complete life with Jim…a permanent life with Jim. But, what he wanted wasn't the governing force in his life anymore. What was best for his child was. Joanna was already very attached to him. He was aware that asking Jim to move in would mean a lot to Joanna. And if something happened a few weeks or months later, and he moved out, it would be devastating to her…would probably set her social development back, because now there would be a second person in her life who walked away. Of course, he knew that risk would exist no matter when they moved in…now, or another five months from now. But still, five months was pretty quick.

On the other hand, maybe he was way off base here, and Jim didn't want to move in completely. Maybe he liked having someplace to go – or just liked knowing he had someplace to go – that was still his own. Maybe everything he'd said he wanted with Leonard he wanted as long as he had the ability to go home later.

Maybe he should just talk to Jim about it.

 _After Disney,_  he thought.  _After that trip I'll talk to him about it._  Feeling a little better now that he had a timeline in place to deal with potential next step, Leonard put the tea on the side table and turned the tv on low. He had a few minutes to watch the news before having to start the day.

 

* * *

 

"Hey guys! Anyone home?" Jim called as he let himself into his brother's house.

"We're in the family room," Aurelan called back. Depositing the McDonald's he'd picked up for lunch in the kitchen, he followed the sound of the tv, smiling at the sight. Joanna and Janie were sprawled out on the floor with blankets and pillows, watching  _The Princess and the Frog_. Aurelan was curled up on the couch, a book in her hands.

"Hey, Jim," she said as he leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi Uncle Jim!" Janie said brightly, poking her head up from the blankets. Her fine, blonde hair formed a frizzy halo around her head. She smiled hugely, and Jim noticed what she was showing him right away.

"Hi there munchkin!" He walked around to her and crouched down to poke her belly, making her giggle. "You lost a tooth!"

"Yup! Last night. And guess what the Toothfairy left for me?" she asked excitedly

"Um…did she leave you a frog to kiss?" he asked, glancing at the movie.

"Eeewww! No, Uncle Jim. She left me a silver dollar!"

"Oh, wow! That's so cool!" Janie nodded happily, and Jim looked over at Joanna who was being uncharacteristically quiet.

"Hi Jo…" he frowned, looking at her eyes closely. "You okay, there, Joanna?" he asked, gently touching a hand to her little face.

"I'm not feeling so good," she said quietly.

He looked up at Aurelan questioningly. She nodded.

"She's been a little quiet all morning, but was happy enough waiting for you to get here. No fever or anything like that, so we're just taking it easy."

"Uh-oh," he said, looking back down at her. He reached out for her and she sat up, letting him pull her into his arms. She didn't feel particularly warm against his body. Settling down on the couch with Joanna in his lap, he stroked her back soothingly. "What's the matter? Is it your tummy?" She shook her head. "Your head?" She hesitated and shrugged. "Just kinda feeling a little yucky everywhere?"

"Yeah," Joanna said, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Do you think I should call Leonard?" he asked Aurelan. He was teaching today, and though he didn't want to bother him in the middle of a class, he wasn't sure if this was the kind of thing that warranted a call. Aurelan shrugged.

"Of course you could call him to let him know if you want, but it's probably just a cold or some minor bug. There's not much anyone can do for that except for rest and fluids," she said. Jim nodded, having thought as much himself.

"Well, Jo, I brought McDonald's for lunch. Do you want to stay and try to eat, or do you want to just go home?" Jim asked.

"Maybe just go home," she said quietly against his shoulder.

"Okay, sweetie. Let's get your stuff."

Aurelan smiled sympathetically. "She's all packed…it's by the door."

Jim got Joanna home and made her comfortable on the couch, her head resting in his lap, an apple juicebox within easy reach if she wanted it. They watched Joanna's own dvd of  _The Princess and the Frog_ , picking up from where they'd left off at Aurelan's. After watching the movie for about fifteen minutes, Joanna raised her head suddenly to look at him, her face pale.

"My stomach doesn't feel good," she said. And that was the only warning he got before what little she ate and drank that day made a messy reappearance – mostly on his lap.

"Oh, shi- okay, Jo, it's okay," he said, gathering her hair and supporting her head with a hand on her forehead, overcoming the urge to jerk away. Better on him than on the couch. His own stomach rolled uncomfortably making him clench his jaw and swallow as Joanna gagged and the smell of sick reached his nose. When she was done, she pushed herself up weakly, tears dripping down her face. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and sniffed.

"I'm sorry," she said, crying a little. "I made a mess."

Jim looked over at her…she looked truly miserable, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body.

"It's okay sweetie. We'll just get cleaned up and then we'll give your dad a call, okay?" Joanna nodded. "Do you feel like you're going to throw up again?"

"Not right now," she answered.

"Okay…" he paused, trying to figure out how to stand up with a lapful of vomit. Grimacing slightly, he looked around for something that could help him. His stomach rolled again…this was truly disgusting. His eyes landed on Joanna…he hadn't been able to gather her hair quickly enough and there were strands that were slick with throwup. There was some on her nightgown, too. She needed a bath, and it might help her feel better.  _Oh, whatever,_  Jim thought.  _She's not my student anymore. She's family._

"Jo, why don't you take off your nightgown and then go into the bathroom and I'll meet you in there for a quick bath. We'll wash your hair and it'll make you feel better, okay?" Joanna nodded. "Do you need help taking it off?" She shook her head and with that complete lack of self-consciousness of the very young and innocent, she stood and undressed, taking off the nightgown and handing it to Jim. "I'll be right there," he said. "I'm just going to change my pants."

"Okay," Joanna replied, and headed to the bathroom clad only in her pink underwear. Using the night gown to mop up as much of what hadn't already saturated his jeans as he could, Jim stood gingerly. Checking the couch, he was relieved to see that it was clean. He walked quickly to Bones' bathroom and took off his soiled jeans. Infinitely grateful that he had some of his clothes here, he cleaned up quickly and pulled on another pair, leaving the soiled clothes on the floor in the shower. He'd deal with it after Joanna was all set.

"Alright, sweetie," he said, walking into her bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up."

By the time Jim called Leonard, he was already done with his classes for the day, so instead of going to the hospital for a while as he'd originally planned, he headed home. He stopped to pick up plain crackers and ginger ale, a remedy for an upset stomach that he grew up on and always worked for him. It didn't sound like Joanna was very sick …probably just a 24-hour bug…so hopefully it would work for her, too.

Entering his house, he deposited his bags in the kitchen. Walking quickly through the apartment, he noted that it was quiet. Joanna had probably fallen asleep.

He pushed open the door to Jo's room and smiled at the sight. Jo was lying in bed, breathing as if she was sound asleep, her stuffed dog clutched against her chest. Jim was sitting on the floor against the side of the bed, surrounded by a deep bowl, a box of tissues, a cup of ice water and a damp washcloth…the tools of the trade for anyone sitting with a sick child. His head was tipped back and his eyes were closed. And, most endearingly, Joanna had one hand resting on top of his head, her little fingers gently clutching his hair.

Quietly, Leonard moved into the room and Jim opened his eyes, smiling at him. Leonard crouched down to kiss him hello, and gently felt his daughter's forehead. 

_No fever. Good._

"Hey," Jim said in just above a whisper. "Just so you know, I may throw up on you."

Leonard looked at him in surprise, studying his face.

"Why…are you sick too?" he asked.

Jim shook his head, a small smile touching his lips.

"Nah…I'm just not used to the more disgusting aspects of parenting. My stomach's felt a little off since she threw up on me."

Leonard gave him a sympathetic look and gently worked his daughter's hand free from Jim's hair.

"I can fix that," he replied. "Fool-proof remedy of crackers and ginger ale." He stood and offered a hand to Jim.

"Sounds good," he replied, standing. Leaving Joanna's door wide open so they could hear her if she called to them, they left her room and headed to the kitchen.

"Thank you for taking such good care of her," Leonard said. "I'm sorry I wasn't here." Jim waved him off, settling at the kitchen table while Leonard poured him a drink and put a few crackers on a plate.

"No problem. I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner, but at first it just seemed like maybe she was coming down with a cold."

Leonard shrugged and sat down across from Jim.

"It's fine, Jim. You did everything right…there's nothing I could've, or would've, done any differently. She didn't even feel like she had a fever – she'll probably be fine tomorrow. Did you give her any Tylenol or anything?"

Jim shook his head.

"No…didn't want to risk making her throw up again."

Leonard nodded. "You feeling a little more settled?"

Jim nibbled on a cracker and took a sip of the ginger ale.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Think I'll probably skip dinner tonight, though."

 

* * *

 

"Uncle Jim…Uncle Jim…" Joanna reached up to gently poke his shoulder. Surfacing slowly from a fairly deep sleep, Jim opened his eyes, squinting in the darkness.

"Jo…what're you doing in here?" he whispered, still half asleep. "Did you throw up again?"

Joanna shook her head.

"No, I feel all better. But I'm bored. And hungry," Joanna whispered back, automatically mirroring his hushed voice. Jim rolled his eyes and squinted at the bedside clock. One in the morning.

"You're supposed to be asleep," he said. Glancing over his shoulder to check on Leonard, he was happy to see that he was still sleeping soundly.

"I'm not tired anymore," she said. "Can I have some cereal?"

Jim smiled at her and caved. She'd been sleeping since about three, hadn't had lunch or dinner, and wasn't all that sick to begin with. She'd never even gotten a fever. It was really no wonder she was awake and hungry.

"Okay, Jo. Go on into the family room and I'll be right out." She nodded and turned to go. He waited until she was gone and then carefully pulled away from Bones. He turned over in his sleep, and Jim pulled the blanket up around his shoulders. Leaving quietly, he shut the bedroom door behind him.

Dressed in a t-shirt and some sweats, he met Joanna in the kitchen. She was at the opened cupboard, staring at the cereal boxes. Jim turned on the kitchen lights and pulled a couple of bowls down. He'd skipped dinner, too, and cereal suddenly didn't sound like such a bad idea.

Sitting across from each other, they talked about what she and Janie had done together over the weekend, and what the plans were for later today. They were planning to go back to the ranch that Aurelan took the girls to a number of weeks ago. But this time, Leonard and Joanna were taking Jim.

He was looking forward to it, mostly. Despite the fact that he'd grown up in Iowa, the extent of his horse-riding was limited to the ponies that were led around a paddock by their handlers during school fairs and birthday parties. Joanna had found that inexplicably funny, laughing that free, unrestrained, delighted laugh as he described how he'd felt so unnatural on a horse as a child that he'd leaned all the way forward, flattening his body along the pony's back to wrap his arms around its neck. As an adult, he wasn't sure he felt any more confident, but he was looking forward to spending the day with Leonard and Joanna, if only to see them ride. He was reserving the right to stay on the sidelines if he chose to.

"Do you think you could fall back asleep?" Jim asked after a while as Joanna yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"Maybe. Will you read to me for a while?"

"Sure," Jim replied. He put their bowls in the sink and snapped off the lights as they made their way back to her room.

"What do you want to read?" Jim asked, as Joanna settled back in bed.

"You choose," she said. Jim looked at her affectionately for a moment, then turned his attention to her bookshelves.

"How about a little bit of  _A Horse Named Dragon_?" Jim suggested. Joanna nodded happily.

"That one's my favorite."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Joanna introduce Jim to a new activity, and Jim has an…interesting day. Later, a night out comes with highs and lows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may become painfully obvious fairly quickly - I have absolutely no equestrian experience whatsoever. I've never even see a horse except for in a parade. Please feel free to correct me if I've written something incorrectly.

"Bones," Jim said nervously. "I'm not so sure this is such a good idea. It's so…  _big_!"

Leonard looked over at Jim, amusement and sympathy in his eyes. He'd never seen Jim look so uncomfortable before. It was kinda funny.

"Not an it, Jim," he said, tapping the brim of his hat to push it back on his forehead a little. "She's a she…and her name is Marta. And she's the nicest, calmest girl here, isn't she?" he said, stroking the horse's nose. "Aurelan rode Marta, and she was fine."

Marta whinnied softly, brushing her velvety lips over his fingers gently, looking for a treat. He looked back at Jim who was watching the horse warily.  _Damn, he actually looks a little scared_ , he thought, amusement melting away.

"Jim," he said quietly, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder comfortingly. "If you don't want to, you don't have to do this. I can take Joanna for a ride, and you can hike the shorter trail to the picnic area to meet us there. She'll understand."

Jim bit his lip and looked over at Joanna, already sitting astride the same horse she rode almost every time she came here, a young mare named Belle. Jim was still surprised at how natural Joanna seemed on the horse…she was so  _tiny_ , but she wasn't intimidated at all. Frankly, he was surprised Bones was okay with this. If it were up to him, there's no way she'd be on a horse – till she was older. And bigger. But, there was no denying she was in her element, quietly talking to Bella, looking relaxed and happy. Leonard followed Jim's gaze and watched as he grimaced slightly, knowing what his decision would be.

After a moment, he looked back at Leonard and jumped slightly when Marta bumped his arm with her nose for a pet. He looked up into her deep brown eyes fringed by long lashes and hesitantly reached out to stroke down the center of her nose. She did seem like a really sweet animal. Jim sighed, biting his lip. He  _really_  wanted to share this with them…but he just…didn't think he could. He was too jumpy. He didn't trust horses, and didn't like feeling out of control. And yeah, okay…he was a little scared.

"Yeah…yeah, you go," Jim said, trying to keep the dejected tone out of his voice, smiling to hide his disappointment. "Have fun. Be safe."

Leonard looked at him carefully for a minute, and then rolled his eyes. He gathered Marta's reins, and then also Butch's, the horse that he was going to ride.

"Alex," he said, addressing the ranch hand who was assigned to their group. "Keep an eye on Jo for me for a second. I'll be right back."

"Sure thing," she replied.

Leonard nodded and walked away from them back towards the stable with both horses in tow.

"What's wrong? Where's Daddy going with Butch? Don't you like Marta?" Joanna asked, watching her father lead the horses away.

Jim came around to her, gently squeezing her knee affectionately. This was gonna suck.

"I'm not sure what he's doing with Butch, and uh, yeah, Jo. I like Marta fine. But, uh, I'm going to follow the walking trail to the picnic grounds and meet you guys there instead of riding. Okay?"

"What? No, Uncle Jim! Why aren't you riding? You have to ride with us!" she exclaimed, looking down at him.

Jim shifted uncomfortably and glanced at Alex. She was busying herself with checking the tack on Belle one more time, but he thought he saw her hide a smile.  _No help there,_  he thought, a little annoyed. He looked back up at Jo, squinting slightly in the bright late morning sun.

"I don't know how to ride, Jo. I'd just hold you and your dad back. But it's better this way," he continued quickly, heading off the argument he could see coming. "I'll take the backpack with lunch so your dad doesn't have to carry it, and we'll meet there and still do everything else together. How does that sound?"

Jo pouted a little.

"It's not the same," she said. "I wanted you to ride with us."

"He is going to ride with us," Leonard said, coming back over to them. He had a different horse with him…a much bigger horse than Butch.

"Bones…what…?"

"This is Tank. He's big and solid enough for us to ride double."

"You can say that again," Jim muttered, not feeling any better. The horse was  _huge._

"Yay!" Joanna exclaimed, bouncing in her saddle. "You do get to ride!"

Jim looked skeptical.

"Ride double? How?" he asked.

"I'll mount first, and sit in front. You come on behind me. I'll be in control of the horse, Jim…all you'll have to do is hang on," Leonard replied, trying to sound reassuring.

"I don't know Bones…"

"Please Uncle Jim?" Joanna cajoled. "It'll be fun! Can you please just try?"

He sighed. Joanna was rapidly learning how to make him do pretty much anything. And it really wasn't fair that she was using his own line against him…"Can you please just try" had resulted in many small victories for Joanna in Jim's classroom – everything from sitting with some friends during lunch instead of by herself to standing up and talking to the class for show and tell. And now, apparently, getting someone to ride a horse.

"Okay," Jim reluctantly agreed. Leonard smiled at him encouragingly and looked over at Alex and Joanna. Knowing Jim would prefer not to have an audience for his first few minutes in a saddle, he suggested they go on over to the paddock for a while, to do a couple of rounds.

"But no more than a slow trot, Jo," Leonard cautioned.

Alex nodded and led Joanna and Belle away, throwing an amused glance at them. Leonard turned back to Jim who was watching them go.

"Okay, Jim…I'm going to get on, then you. Watch how I do it, use the step if you want. He's a tall boy, and he isn't going to be the easiest horse to mount for a beginner."

  
"Bones…wait," Jim said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Tank switched his tail and chuffed, as if annoyed by the interruption. Leonard turned to face Jim, one hand holding Tank's reins. "Are you sure…I mean…how long has it been since you've ridden?"

Leonard looked confused for a second, but then quickly realized what Jim was asking.

"I found this place when we first moved out here, Jim. I didn't want Joanna to lose the ability or confidence to ride, so we started coming here right away. She almost always rides Belle, and I've taken Tank out a few times, though," he leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Butch is my favorite." He continued in a normal voice, "This place has a ton of qualifications, Jim. Joanna had to qualify to be able to ride single…we both had to qualify in order to be able to take a horse on a trail. Tank's a big boy, but he's very even-tempered. Trust me, if I didn't think this was relatively safe, I wouldn't be doing it." Jim looked like he was going to say something else, but instead just nodded. Leonard gave him a quick hug. "We'll take a couple of laps around the paddock first. If you're still uncomfortable, we'll just forget it, Okay?"

"Okay," Jim replied, trying to inject more confidence in his voice than he was actually feeling. "Show me how it's done cowboy."

Leonard threw him a cheeky grin as Jim stepped back, giving him room to maneuver. He watched as Leonard used the stirrup and his grip on the saddle to easily swing himself up. It was pretty impressive.

"I think I can do that," Jim said as he settled in the saddle. "I'll give it a try."

Leonard raised his eyebrows in surprise, but nodded.

"Okay…get a grip here…your left foot in the stirrup…and you're gonna have to kind of give yourself a boost with your other foot."

Jim fit his sneaker-clad foot into the stirrup and grasped where Leonard indicated. He stood there for a second, gathering himself for the effort. One…two…three! He pushed himself off the ground, arms and left leg straining to lift his body weight in the awkward, unfamiliar position.

"That's it Jim…just a little higher…get your leg over the saddle and use it to help pull you up," Leonard said. He was surprised Jim was able to get as far as he did on his first try, but he wasn't surprised when he gave up and let himself plant his right foot back on the ground. "You almost had it, there. Want to use the step?" Jim looked up at Leonard and shook his head.

"Let me try one more time. I didn't put enough force into the lift off the ground," Jim said. Taking a breath, he tried again, and though it was a bit of a struggle, Jim did manage to seat himself properly on his second try, right behind Leonard. "Whew! Getting down is going to be fun," he observed.

Leonard smiled and looked at him over his shoulder.

"Let's worry about that later," he said. He put his foot back in the stirrup and directed Jim to wrap his arms around his waist and hold on to the horn at the front of the saddle. Sitting snugly against Bones' back, Jim did as he was told, turning his head so that the brim of Bones' hat didn't bump him in the face. "Okay…let's go join Jo."

With that, he made a clicking sound with his mouth and gently bumped Tank's side with his feet. As the horse headed in the direction of the paddock, Jim reflexively clamped his legs tighter around its body, tightening his hold on the horn. The feel of the horse moving under him was one of the most curious sensations he'd ever experienced. It definitely took a bit to get used to.

Leonard glanced down at Jim's hands as Tank ambled along. He was clutching the horn so hard his fingers were turning white. Leonard frowned, wondering if there was something else going on here. He could understand a beginning rider being a little nervous, but this seemed out of proportion, and very out of character, for him. He hadn't said anything to indicate there was something in his past to make him as wary of horses as he was, but that didn't mean there wasn't. If there was, Leonard wished Jim would have said something about it. That was a discussion for later, though. They were already here…maybe Jim would gain some confidence after a couple of laps in the paddock.

"How you doing back there, Jim?" Leonard asked as they reached the enclosure and Alex came around to open the gate. He glanced over his shoulder, trying to see him.

"Doing good, Bones," Jim replied. "Your hat keeps bumping me in the head, though."

"Oh, sorry…didn't think of that." He plucked the hat off his head and dropped it on a post as they entered the paddock. He'd get it later. Together, they watched Jo guide Belle in a slow trot around the ring. Leonard grinned as Joanna waved to them enthusiastically. Jim didn't relinquish his grip on the horn, but Leonard waved back.

"She looks so happy," Jim said. Leonard nodded, enjoying the bright smile on her face.

"She's a natural," Alex added from where she sat on the fence. "In a few years, she could work here helping to teach the younger kids to ride. Or if she put some effort into training she could be an exhibition rider."

"Don't say any of that too loud," Leonard said, glancing down at her. Jim smiled at the note of pride he could hear even in the slight admonition. "This place is too far from the city to make it easy to come out here very often." He sighed, though, knowing Alex was right. "Leaving her horse in Georgia was the hardest thing for her. She loves to ride, and she loved that horse." They watched her go around a couple more times.

"She makes it look so easy," Jim said after a while. "Let's give it a try."

Happy that Jim's interest and desire seemed genuine, Leonard urged Tank to a quick walk, circling the paddock opposite from Jo and Belle, so they were always across from each other. After a couple of minutes, he upped it to a trot, and Jim gasped as his hands left the horn to wrap his arms around Leonard's middle, holding him tightly.

"Jim…" he said. This wasn't helping his balance, or his breathing, any. "If you're going to hold me instead of the horn, hold on a little looser, okay?"

"Sorry," Jim mumbled against his neck. "I just don't feel very secure. These things should come with seatbelts. And how do you stop yourself from bumping up and down?"

"You have to move with the gait of the horse," Leonard replied. They spent another few minutes in the paddock, helping Jim get a feel for the movement of the horse, until he seemed to be more comfortable with the situation. They motioned Joanna in and Alex handed the backpack to Jim. He took it and settled it on his back, adjusting the straps so that they fit comfortable around his shoulders, then Alex handed a walkie to Jim that he clipped to the backpack.

"You're on the Deergrass Trail today," Alex said. "First aid kit's in Jo's saddlebag. Check in when you get to the picnic area, and when you leave. And of course, use the walkie if you need anything."

"Thanks," Leonard said. "We'll be back by three."

"Have fun."

It was a beautiful day…and after a while of walking the trail Jim finally felt like he could relax a little. He'd eventually found his center of gravity and didn't feel like he needed to hold on as tightly anymore, as long as they weren't moving too quickly. The tendons and muscles in his thighs had started to ache because he hadn't realized how tightly he was squeezing his knees to Tank's body. When he relaxed a bit, he felt so much more comfortable, and it was nice to have an excuse to be up against Bones, of course.

Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, relishing the sweet scent of the air. It was much different from the city. The combination of soft perfume from the flora, the unmistakable scent of horse, the pleasant temperature, and the gentle rocking motion of their movement was making him feel comfortably lazy. He hummed to himself in amusement, realizing that Jo may have had a point when she'd called him a city-slicker. He didn't do the nature thing very much, aside from the beach. That might be worth changing…especially if Bones was with him. He entertained himself with thoughts of a camping trip…just the two of them…until he heard Joanna's voice from up ahead.

"Daddy, can I?" Peering over Bones' shoulder, he saw that they were at the beginning of a fairly straight stretch of trail, and they were the only ones on it. They'd passed a few riders on their way back, and the majority of the Deergrass Trail was pretty twisty, so they'd kept it at a relatively slow pace, which suited Jim just fine.

"Stop at the curve and keep it to a slow canter, Jo." Leonard said. No sooner were the words out of his mouth before Joanna took off. Belle responded perfectly to her, as if she were just waiting for permission to use her legs like she wanted to. They watched as Jo came to the end of the stretch, expertly guiding Belle to turn around.

"Come on Daddy!" she called, gesturing. "I can see the picnic area…it's right here!"

"Hold on Jim," Leonard said. Jim gripped the horn with one hand, wrapped his other arm around Bones' waist, and squeezed his knees, ignoring the ache in his legs.

"Bones…" he said uncertainly, shifting slightly so that he was sitting more securely.

"Just hold on…it'll be fun."

And before Jim could form a response, they were off. Too surprised to do anything but gasp, Jim clutched Leonard and tried to concentrate on moving with the horse to save his ass. He registered the wind in his hair and a delighted laugh from Bones, and after a few seconds the horse slowed and came to a stop.

"Isn't going fast fun, Uncle Jim?" Joanna asked.

Taking a breath, Jim raised his head from where he'd pressed his forehead to the center of Leonard's back and opened his eyes. He hadn't even realized he'd closed them.

"Yeah," he said, trying to muster up the appropriate enthusiasm. "That was great!" Leonard laughed at him softly. He pulled away from Jim, and tucking his leg in so he didn't kick him in the head, dismounted smoothly. "Bones! What are you doing?" Jim asked, sliding forward in the saddle slightly, again clutching the horn of the saddle.

"Relax Jim. I just wanted to get Joanna down," he said, doing just that.

Leonard then turned his attention back to Jim, talking him through the process of dismounting, and steadying him with his hands around his waist as his feet hit the ground. Jim winced slightly and Leonard smiled sympathetically.

"Sore?"

"No," Jim answered quickly. Leonard smirked, and Jim relented. "Maybe a little."

Leonard took a quick glance around…they were the only group at the picnic area right now. He leaned forward to kiss him softly, lingering for just a moment.

"I love you for doing this," he said. Then he brought his mouth closer to Jim's ear. "I'll give you a massage later." Smiling, he walked away from Jim, leading Tank and Belle to the watering station. Joanna had already pulled off her boots and socks and rolled up her jeans so she could crouch at the edge of the lake, poking around in the mud. "Radio the ranch, would ya, Jim?" Leonard called. "Let them know we're here."

A couple hours later found the three of them back on the trail, heading towards the ranch. Joanna kept pace with Leonard and Jim, walking alongside, and kept glancing up at them.

"I'm really sorry, Uncle Jim," she said, for the tenth time. Leonard pressed his lips together, in an effort to stop himself from smiling, or – god, forbid – laughing. Again. Because it really wasn't funny. Jim was embarrassed enough, and he really could've been hurt. Behind him, Leonard heard Jim sigh.

"It's okay, Jo. It's not your fault I tripped over my own feet."

"But it's my fault that I scared you," she said. "I really didn't mean to. I didn't know you were standing right there."

Letting go of the saddle horn, Jim reached out his left hand over the trail towards Jo. Shifting her hold on the reins, she stretched out her hand too. They were riding just close enough together that he could grasp her fingers.

"Listen to me, sweetie. I know you didn't mean to scare me, and it wasn't your fault I fell over and hit my head. It was an accident, and I should've said something so you knew I was there. And I'm fine, anyway…it was just a little bump. I don't even have a headache anymore."

"Really?" she asked, peering up at him.

"Really," Jim confirmed firmly with a smile. "It wasn't your fault and I'm fine. And I don't want you worrying about it anymore, okay?"

"Okay," Joanna agreed. "Uncle Jim?"

"Yes Jo?"

"You hurt my ears when you screamed like that."

Jim flushed and pinched Leonard's side when he felt his body shaking with repressed laughter. Leonard took a gasping breath and wiped his eyes, valiantly trying to get himself under control. But honestly…that was the funniest thing he'd seen in quite a while.

 

* * *

 

After they'd eaten, Joanna went back to the edge of the lake.

"Tadpoles!" she exclaimed. "And minnows. If I catch something can I take keep it?"

"No, Jo…we don't have any containers with us," Leonard called back.

"Oh, yeah," she murmured, completely engrossed in the microenvironment swimming around her toes. "Oooh…look…"

Amused by her curiosity, Jim got up and joined her, standing right behind her. Suddenly, Joanna stood and turned around, a thin, juvenile king snake in her hand. Not realizing Jim was right behind her, she effectively thrust it into his face, intending to show her father. And that's when it happened.

Surprised to suddenly find himself face to forked tongue with a snake, Jim let out a startled scream, and tried to scramble backwards. The bank of the lake was inclined slightly, and tripped over his own feet, falling hard and smacking the back of his head against the hard ground. Pretty startled herself, Joanna dropped the snake, which immediately went for cover in some brush near where Jim fell. Screaming again when the snake disappeared heading towards him, Jim did a frantic crab walk on hands and feet backwards away from the edge of the lake.

When Jim was finally able to get to his feet, Leonard noticed that the blonde hair was darkened by blood in one spot. It wasn't a serious injury, easily taken care of by a bottle of water and the supplies in the first aid kit and (thanks to the genetic hard-headedness of Kirks) didn't even need a bandage. A little goose egg did develop, but Jim hadn't even felt it with all the adrenaline flooding his system. They left soon after Leonard finished tending to him, needing to be back to the ranch by three anyway, which was a relief to Jim who residually jumpy.

Now, on the ride back, Jim was trying to convince Joanna that his injury wasn't her fault.

 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry, sweetie," he said sincerely, pinching Leonard's side in retribution as his body shook with laughter.

"It's okay," she said. "I'm fine now."

The rest of the ride passed quietly, and Joanna showed Jim how to take care of Belle while Leonard handled Tank and Alex switched back and forth. He watched as Leonard murmured to Tank, feeding him a piece of an apple.

"Do you want to give him a piece Jim?" Leonard asked, holding another piece out to him.

"Uhh…sure." Jim came to stand by Leonard and took the apple.

"Just hold in your hand…keep your hand flat." He put his hands on Jim's shoulders. "And relax. He isn't going to hurt you."

Tank plucked the apple off of Jim's open palm with such delicacy his lips barely brushed his hand. Smiling, Jim stroked down his nose.

"Thanks for the ride, buddy," he said. "Maybe I'll see you next time."

 

* * *

 

The city of Santa Rosa, home of the Oakridge Horse Ranch, had a great little downtown area. The development of it encouraged leaving the car and walking along wide sidewalks, window shopping, people watching, and there were restaurants for all appetites as well. As it was close to dinner time, and home was a little over an hour away, they decided to take a walk and choose a place to eat.

Walking between them, Joanna held both of their hands, swinging her arms.

"Make me jump! One…two…three!" she counted. On three, she pushed off the ground with her feet and they pulled up on her hands, making her "jump" and swing into the air. She laughed delightedly, and they indulged her a couple more times.

"Okay, Darlin'," Leonard said. "That's enough…there's too many people around."

They passed a few restaurants, looking for something that struck their fancy. Joanna was always happy with pizza, so they settled on a little Italian place. They were seated right away and placed their orders with the server.

"So, Joanna…we have some big news for you," Leonard said, glancing at Jim with a smile. He was practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. Joanna glanced up from the children's menu she was busy coloring.

"What Daddy?" she prompted when Leonard paused. He tipped his head at Jim.  _You tell her._

"Next week your daddy has to go to Florida for a conference, a big meeting, for his work," Jim said.

Joanna looked up at him, obviously puzzled as to why this was "big news".

"So are you going to take care of me?" she asked.

Jim smiled, immediately warmed by the fact that she automatically made that assumption.

"Even better," he said. "We're all going to go…and after your Daddy is done with his meeting on the first day, we're all going to Disney World!"

"Disney World?" she repeated in a hushed voice, eyes wide, looking back and forth between Jim and her father. "Where all the princesses live and Mickey Mouse? We're going there?"

"Yup, we are…for a whole week," Jim said.

Joanna was silent for a second, the crayon in her hand completely forgotten, as she processed this.

"Yay!" she exclaimed, loudly enough to turn heads at nearby tables. "I can't believe it! I've wanted to go there my  _whole_  life! Oh, thank you! Thank you Daddy!" She reached for her father and he leaned towards her so she could wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. "Thank you Uncle Jim! Thank you so much!" She reached for Jim and hugged him just as fiercely. She hesitated for just a second, then gave him a kiss, too. "I can't wait! When are we going? Are we going to see the all the princesses? Are there lots of rides?"

Food was an afterthought for the rest of the night. Jim told them about the arrangements he'd made so far, what he was still working on, and even pulled out a map of the Magic Kingdom that he'd downloaded so that he could show her some of the things he was talking about. Leonard watched them fondly, reminding Joanna to take a bite of food every few minutes. He shook his head in amusement when he found he had to remind Jim too.

They left the restaurant a while later, and it was already getting dark. The downtown area was as busy as ever, though, and they kept Joanna between them as they navigated the crowded sidewalk. A storefront caught Joanna's eye and she stopped walking, pulling on their hands.

"Look at the dollies, Daddy. Can I look at them?" she asked, pointing to a lighted window display of extravagantly dressed and beautifully crafted porcelain dolls.

They moved to the window and Joanna pressed her nose to the glass examining them. Standing just behind her, Jim slipped his hand into Leonard's back pocket without even thinking about it. He glanced at Jim with a smile on his face, and moved closer to him, leaning into Jim's side slightly.

When Joanna was ready to go, Leonard backed up, and bumped into someone who was walking behind him. Leonard turned to apologize and got a whiff of alcohol. The guy was about his size, and he was with a woman who'd stopped to glare at them.

"Hey, watch it!" he said, tone and stance aggressive.

"Sorry, man," Leonard said quickly. He turned to go, not wanting to engage this individual at all with his daughter right there.

Jim had removed his hand from Leonard's pocket, but the guy gave them both a dirty look, completely ignoring Joanna.

"Fucking faggots," he said angrily. "What, San Francisco isn't enough for you freaks?"

"Hey," Jim said sharply. "Have a little respect. There's a kid here."

The guy stopped and shook off the woman who was pulling on his arm.

"Fuck you! I didn't realize faggots liked little girls," he sneered.

Leonard felt Jim stiffen beside him.  _Shit,_  Leonard thought, glancing down at Joanna. She was starting to look frightened.

"Jim…let's just go," Leonard said quietly, his arm around Joanna as he pulled on Jim's shoulder.

"Take Joanna to the car, Bones," Jim said.

"Jim-"

"Go to the car, Leonard," Jim said sharply.

His heart pounding, the shock of hearing his first name got him moving. Stepping back, he swung Joanna up on his hip and walked away quickly.

"Daddy – wait…what about Uncle Jim? Why was that man so mad?" Joanna said, voice tight with tension. He cupped her head and kissed her cheek.

"It's okay, Baby," he said, soothingly. "Jim will be here in just a minute. And don't worry about that man. Sometimes when adults have too much alcohol to drink they say mean things." They were going to have to deal with this more completely later, but that would do for now. Joanna clung to him, looking over his shoulder. He was nearly to the car, and praying that what he'd told Joanna turned out to be true, when she patted his back.

"Daddy…wait. I can see Uncle Jim. He's coming," she said.

Relieved beyond words, he turned. Seeing that they were waiting for him, Jim jogged the rest of the way to them. Leonard took a quick visual inventory of him…he seemed completely unharmed.  _Thank god._

"Hey guys," he said as Joanna reached for him. He hugged her and smiled, trying to alleviate the concerned expression on her face. "Everything's fine. That man said some mean things, but he apologized. Are we ready to get going?"

"Definitely," Leonard grumbled. He was rapidly moving from worried to pissed off. Jim couldn't pull that shit when Joanna was with them. He shouldn't be pulling that shit at all! Getting angrier the more he thought about it, he helped Joanna with the buckle around her booster seat in the back and shut the door.

"What the hell, Jim?" he said, keeping his voice low as he turned to look at him. "What were you thinking? You should've just walked away!"

"I  _did_  just walk away, Bones," he said. "The guy was getting aggressive…balling his hands up, leaning forward slightly…I didn't want us both to turn our backs. Especially with Jo there."

Leonard softened, an uncertain look coming into his eyes.

"I didn't notice any of that," he said, feeling unsettled by his first brush with such overt bigotry.

"Of course not. You were concerned with getting Jo away from there. Which is exactly what your concern should've been." He held Leonard's gaze for a moment, seeing the unease there, and the realization of some of what they may have ahead of them. This wasn't new to him…and sometimes he forgot that it  _was_  new to Bones. He smiled gently, giving him a quick, tender hug. "Let's get Jo home and in bed," he said. "My legs are killing me and you owe me a massage."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard, Jim, and Joanna prepare for their Disney trip, and Leonard makes a move that follows his heart.

"I think she's finally asleep," Leonard said, entering the bedroom.

Jim glanced up from the binder containing all of their trip details…flight information, hotel information, park information, even checklists for the luggage. He'd taken to carrying it around with him over the last couple of days, intent on making sure that every detail was in place, that everything went as perfectly as possible. He looked over at the bedside clock…eight pm.

"She's so excited," he said. "I'm amazed you got her to sleep at all."

Leonard came over to him, gently tugging the binder out of his hands as he observed Jim's slightly bloodshot eyes.

"Yeah," he murmured, wrapping his arms around Jim and holding him close. "I can't even tell who's more excited…you or her."

Jim chuckled and squeezed Leonard affectionately.

"Can you blame me? It's  _Disney_  Bones! Tomorrow! We should probably try to get to bed soon, too," Jim said. "Though, I don't want to go to sleep just yet." His grin grew wider as Leonard rolled his eyes. Jim gently pulled away and picked his binder back up, intent on finishing the check of things in the suitcase, just one more time. He wanted to make sure they had everything. Leonard watched as Jim absentmindedly rubbed his eyes.

"You've checked our luggage three times tonight, and gone over all the plans, and confirmation numbers and everything else so much, I'm sure you know it by heart."

Jim nodded and threw him a smile.

"Nearly," he agreed.

"So put that away and let's call it a night. We've got an early flight, as you know, and all you're doing is straining your eyes. Why aren't you wearing your glasses?" Leonard looked around the room, finding the black-framed reading glasses on the bureau. Jim just got them yesterday – mostly for reading and work on the computer. "They're not for decoration, you know."

Jim scowled slightly, finally closing the suitcase and pulling the zipper around it.

"I don't like wearing them," he said. "Joanna said they made me 'look like a smart person.'"

Leonard rolled his eyes and began undressing for bed.

"Seriously Jim? And what the hell's wrong with looking like a smart person?"

"Nothing! But that's five-year-old speak for 'like a nerd'. It's the frames. I think I'm going to return them and get something else."

"I think they look sexy," Leonard said, disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Jim eyed the glasses speculatively for a moment then looked back at the closed bathroom door. Working quickly, he moved the suitcase off the bed, stripped, grabbed his glasses and threw back the blankets on the bed.

In the bathroom, Leonard washed his hands then spent a couple of minutes getting himself ready for bed. Tomorrow, they were getting on a plane and flying back across the country. He took a steadying breath at that thought. It wasn't a fear of flying, per se. More a fear of crashing and dying, really. It was controllable though. He didn't want to pass his fear along to Joanna, and when she was traveling with him, she was often enough of a distraction to keep his mind off the fact that their lives were in the hands of a couple of people he'd never met.

Didn't mean that he was looking forward to the flight though. Everything else… definitely. Just seeing how thrilled Jim has been planning this trip made all the rest of it so very, very worth it. The fact that they were going to do this together…as a  _family_ …was amazing…was beyond anything he'd ever dreamed about even less than a year ago. It was…well, it made him anxious for the trip to be over so they could talk about making their little family unit even more cohesive by having everyone all officially under one roof.

Smiling to himself, Leonard exited the bathroom…and stopped short. Jim was lounging on the bed, idly flipping through his binder, glasses on…and completely naked.

"Oh, hey Bones. I was starting to wonder if you'd drowned in there," he said casually, glancing up at him. A smile spread across Jim's face as he met Leonard's eyes, loving the heat he saw there, even as a surprised flush worked its way up his neck. Jim closed the binder and set it aside, stretching himself out fully. Leonard swallowed and tried to get his brain to engage as he took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the man in front of him. "So…" Jim said after a couple of moments. "You going to join me?"

Leonard was just about to answer when the bedroom door opened slightly.

"Daddy?..." Joanna's voice hesitantly called and Leonard reacted instantly, rushing to reach the door, as Jim scrambled to grab the blankets and cover himself.

"Jo," he said, stopping her from opening it any further and blocking Joanna's view of the room. "What did we say about closed doors?" He looked down at his daughter, so adorable in her Sleeping Beauty nightgown, clutching her stuffed dog.

"If it's closed, to knock first," she recited, looking appropriately chagrined. "I forgot. But I can't sleep! Can I lay down with you?"

Leonard suppressed a smile as he looked over his shoulder to Jim, where he was now lying cocooned in the blanket, his face pressed to the pillow in embarrassment. He turned back to Joanna and gently urged her back, edging into the hall and pulling the door firmly closed behind him.

"Baby, you need to be in your own bed. We have to get up so early tomorrow. C'mon… I'll read you one more story, and then that's it. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, turning to head back to her bedroom. Leonard spent another half hour with her, reading, lying down next to her to rub her back, trying to get her to relax enough to fall asleep. After a few minutes of that, she murmured sleepily and he kissed her head, gently running his hand over her hair. Getting up from her bed carefully, he quietly left her room, pulling the door closed behind him.

"I'm so sorry," a red-faced Jim said from where he lay under the covers when Leonard entered the bedroom. "I forgot to lock the door."

He chuckled and waved the concern away, making sure to do exactly what Jim had forgotten before moving to join Jim in bed.

"Don't worry about it, no harm done," he replied, snapping the light off. He pulled the blankets back, noting that Jim had put his t-shirt and sleep pants back on, glasses off and folded on the bedside table.  _Damn,_  Leonard thought.  _Nothing like being interrupted by a five-year-old to kill a mood._

"No?" Jim asked quickly. "She didn't…see anything?"

Leonard paused and looked back at him in the dim light from the window, and realized that Jim was really concerned. He smiled softly and lay down next to him, drawing the sheet back over them and moving to wrap Jim in his arms. Jim shifted and leaned into him. Once they were comfortable Leonard focused his attention on alleviating Jim's worry.

"I didn't ask her specifically, but she didn't mention seeing anything. And she would have, trust me." Leonard replied. He paused, passing a hand affectionately through Jim's hair. "Stuff like that happens some times when there's a child in the house." Jim made a noncommittal noise. "Once, she walked in on me going to the bathroom. I couldn't get her to sit down on the toilet for a week because she wanted to 'be like daddy'."

Jim laughed and turned towards Leonard, kissing him and pulling their bodies together by hooking his leg over Leonard's.

"I just…being responsible for a bunch of little ones as a teacher is nothing like being responsible as a par-" Jim cut himself off, feeling a little embarrassed by what he'd almost said. Joanna was Leonard's child, and loving Leonard didn't make Jim Joanna's parent…no matter how he felt about her. And no matter what he thought in the privacy of his own mind.

Leonard ran his hand up and down Jim's back, hearing the insecurity in his tone, knowing what he'd almost said. And it pulled at his heart to know that Jim thought of Joanna that way, as being an active participant in her life, as being a parent to her. Because he knew what it meant to Jim…knew that it was something that concerned him. The question of if he would be a good parent. If he would know how to be.

"Jim, Joanna is lucky to have you in her life. You give her confidence and help her learn to express herself more openly. She loves you, and I know that you love her." He paused and traced the line of Jim's eyebrow. "After Jo's mom and I decided that she'd be better off with me, I always thought it would just be the two of us. And I was okay with that because nothing was worth the risk of putting her through anything that might not work out. But then I met you. And you're worth it, Jim – you're  _so_  worth it…to both of us. And…you've been a great parent to Jo."

Leonard paused again, taking in the expression on Jim's face – how open and loving and relieved and…happy he seemed. And this wasn't what he'd planned at all, but it felt right, felt natural. This whole relationship had just kind of…happened, and Leonard had recognized the benefit of learning to just go with it when it seemed like he should. Leaning in, he kissed Jim deeply, hands running through his hair while Jim gripped his shoulders. When the need to breathe won out, they parted, but not completely. Lying there, holding each other so closely, Jim felt Leonard take a steadying breath.

"So…move in with us," he said.

Jim blinked, the surprise in his eyes clear. He opened his mouth to say something and realized his voice was stuck. He saw and felt Leonard pull away slightly.

"I mean…only if you want to…"

Jim nodded and pulled Leonard in for another kiss, letting his actions speak in place of the words.

"So, is that a yes?" Leonard asked, smiling against Jim's lips.

"Yes! Yes…I – really? I mean, absolutely! Is this…it's kind of all of a sudden, isn't it?" Jim asked, happiness and a bit of confusion present in his expression as he tried to reign in the rush of emotion that had stolen his voice and was making him semi-incoherent. Leonard laughed, relieved at his enthusiasm, and shrugged.

"I'd planned to talk to you about it after the trip," Leonard said. "But…I don't know. This felt right. Everything about you…about us…feels right."

Jim held Leonard's gaze, his eyes softening with the love and affection and…just amazing luck he felt at finding and having Leonard in his life. Jim used his weight to push Leonard onto his back and shifted so he was laying over him. He bent to kiss him, slow and deep, reveling in the way Leonard opened to him, the way he arched into the pressure of Jim pressing against him. Leonard closed his eyes and groaned, clenching his hands in Jim's shirt.

Jim pulled back a little to look at him, a smile playing around his lips. "Everything about us feels perfect," he said.

Leonard opened his eyes and hooked an ankle around the back of Jim's leg, trying to get him to move against him again. Jim stayed still though, leaning down to kiss him again, moving lower, gently sucking and licking at Leonard's neck, one hand moving under his shirt to find and rub at a nipple. Leonard tried to push his hips up again, wanting more contact.

"We should go to sleep," Jim mumbled against Leonard's skin. "Early morning."

Leonard huffed out a laugh that was more a gasp than anything else. "Sleep later," he said breathlessly.

Jim chuckled and moaned when Leonard pushed his hand into his pants, squeezing his cock gently, making him buck slightly into his grip.

That sounded like a good plan.

 

* * *

 

Jim yawned as he turned on the tv and dropped down on to the couch, immediately turning the sound down until it was almost unintelligible. It was early…way early. The flight wasn't until eight am, which meant they were supposed to be at the airport by like, six. Which meant they should leave by 5:30. Which made being up three way too early.

But he couldn't help it. They'd fallen to sleep fairly early…and he was just too excited by everything to sleep for long. By the upcoming trip that he meticulously planned, wanting everything to be perfect for Bones and Joanna, and – especially – by Bones' unexpected, but longed for, invitation to move in.

Jim felt a thrill at the thought of it and couldn't help but grinning like a fool. That Bones was taking the next step of inviting Jim into his life, his daughter's life…it was amazing. It was exactly what he'd been hoping for, but hadn't dared to say out loud – didn't want to impose himself on Leonard that way. He could still hardly believe that he'd made room for him in the closet and dresser draws. This just seemed almost too good to be true. But  _right_. Like Bones said, everything about them felt so right.

"Uncle Jim?" Joanna's voice interrupted his train of thought and he turned to look at her, a warm feeling spreading through him at the idea that Bones thought he'd been a good parent to her. Now as he turned to look at her, all dark hair and big dark eyes, skin paler than normal in the bluish light cast by the tv screen, he felt a rush of protectiveness and love, and reached his arms out to her.

"Hey Joanna-banana. Whatcha doin' up?"

She moved to him quickly, holding her stuffed dog. He pulled her onto his lap, cuddling her little, warm body close to his chest. He smiled when she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I can't sleep anymore. Is it time to go yet?"

"Not for a few more hours, Jo. You really should go back to sleep…we have a big day today…lots of traveling…and you don't want to be tired when we get to Orlando do you?"

"But Uncle Jim…" Joanna said, a whining tone coming into her voice. "I don't want to sleep anymore."

"Okay…welll…want to lie down with me here? I'll find something to watch on tv as long as you're resting quietly, how's that sound?"

"Good," she replied, nodding.

"Yeah? Okay…" Jim grabbed a pillow and put it against the arm rest, lying down on his back. He helped Joanna climb up and get comfortable, lying on him, her head resting on his chest below his chin. The scent of her strawberry shampoo reached him as he pulled the throw blanket off the back of the couch, covering her with it. "So…let's see what we can find to watch at three in the morning."

 

* * *

 

Leonard groaned and reached blindly for the alarm clock, his hand hitting the bedside table, registering that he'd knocked Jim's glasses to the floor, before he managed to silence that annoying, intermittent buzz. Opening his eyes, he squinted at the clock… quarter to five in the morning. They had about 45 minutes before they needed to be on the road to the airport.

Stretching, he realized that he was alone in bed.  _Jim must already be up,_  he thought to himself. He pushed himself up and headed to the bathroom, snagging the t-shirt and boxers that'd ended up on the floor last night. Once done in the bathroom, he headed to the family room.

Passing Joanna's room, he realized that her bed was empty as well, but peering down the hall, it didn't appear there were any lights on. Coming up behind the couch, he saw that the tv was on, sound almost completely off, set to a channel that was running an infomercial for some type of knife.

And there they were. On the couch, Jim lying on his back, Joanna lying on her belly on top of him, tucked beneath his chin, her stuffed toy held securely under her arm, the throw blanket over them both. They'd fallen asleep like that, one of Jim's hands pressed to her back, the other gently holding her arm, to keep her in place. His heart fluttered a little at the sight, and he rolled his eyes. Two peas in a pod, Jim and his daughter were, both so excited they could barely sleep. As he stood there taking in the beautiful sight of his daughter and his…he didn't even know what word best described what Jim was to him…and he was struck by inspiration.

Hurrying back to his bedroom, he grabbed is own little digital camera. He didn't want to use the flash, and the lighting wasn't that great, and he really wasn't as good a photographer as Jim was, but he figured he'd get the picture, and then see what he could do to doctor it up a bit. Returning to the family room, he knelt down in front of them, unconsciously mirroring exactly what Jim had done a few months ago, and snapped the picture. Lowering the camera, he stared a little longer, wanting to commit this picture to his memory, all the details, all the emotion that it evoked in him. He wanted all to keep all of it.

Putting the camera away, he decided to let them sleep as long as possible. Being as quiet as possible, he dressed and then began to load the car with their luggage. Jim had made it so easy, it was the work of moments to load the three suitcases. Three bags, plus one carry-on item per each of them seemed like a bit of overkill, but Jim had insisted that he knew what he was doing and to trust him, so Leonard had. Jim was in charge after all, and it was better to make sure they had everything they needed than be away from home for a week and wish they had something. As he moved through the house, he smiled every time he glanced at Jim and Joanna. They looked so peaceful together, and were sleeping so soundly. He was glad that they were able to get in a few extra minutes.

Leonard then assembled the things they would need right away – a change of clothes for Jo, some boxes of cereal and fruit, bottles of water and juice for breakfast in the car, and other odds and ends – before going to wake up his sleeping beauties. He smirked to himself to think what Jim would say about being called a princess.

Crouching down next to them, Leonard passed a hand over Jim's head tenderly.

"Jim – it's time to wake up," he murmured. Jim stirred and his eyes blinked open, confusion in them as he got his bearings. "Jo, baby…c'mon Darlin'. It's time to wake up. We have to go soon."

Jim frowned at that, squinting at the vcr clock under the television, trying to orient himself to what was going on.

"What time is it?" Jim asked. Joanna stretched and pushed herself up. She reached for her father, and Leonard wrapped her in his arms, pulling her to him as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"About 5:15."

"What?" Jim exclaimed, shoving himself upright. Leonard put a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Relax…I woke up earlier and loaded the car. I even already put the things you'd set aside for breakfast in the car, along with clothes for Jo. We're all set. All you need to do is get dressed. I put your binder on the kitchen table…and other than that we're ready to go." Jim relaxed back against the couch, his heart slowing as he exhaled a deep breath and smiled at Leonard. Supporting Joanna's head with his hand, Leonard leaned down to kiss him.

"Did…did last night really happen?" Jim asked, not bothering to hide the wonder he still felt at the way Bones was including Jim in his life. Leonard kissed him again, knowing exactly what Jim was referring to.

"Oh, yes," Leonard answered. "Without a doubt."

 

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, the three of them were in Leonard's car, heading to the airport. Jim and Leonard were each eating an apple, and Jo was dozing in the backseat, still in her nightgown. Jim was fidgeting with his binder, his glasses perched on top of his head, while they talked about plans for when they got back. Jim's lease wasn't up for another few months, but neither of them really wanted to wait for him to officially move in.

"I could sublet it," Jim suggested.

Leonard shrugged.

"It might be hard to find someone for just four months. What about just breaking the lease?"

Jim shifted and shook his head after a moment.

"That's really expensive. I'd be better off just paying the rent for the months that were left."

Leonard didn't respond to that. They would need to discuss this further, but he didn't want Jim to have to worry about it. He'd happily pay for Jim to break his lease, but he wasn't sure how Jim would react to that suggestion. He decided to leave it for later.

"Well, we can work it all out when we get back." He looked over at Jim, catching his eyes and smiling at him, nodding to the binder in his lap. "Tell me about the hotel you chose."

Jim's face lit up and he flipped to the right section.

"It's really cool, Bones. This one also has a monorail stop right there, and wait until you see the kind of room we got. It's not actually a room…more like a guest house. It even," he said, voice dropping lower as he rested a hand on Leonard's thigh. "Has separate sleeping areas." Leonard smirked and looked over at him out of the corner of his eye, eyebrows raised.

"So…that line about last night being the last time we'd have the chance to be together for a week…"

Jim chuckled and shrugged. "Eh. It was just a line. Worked though, didn't it?"

Leonard snorted and rolled his eyes.

"You're ridiculous," he said. Jim squeezed Leonard's thigh.

"You love me for it."

"Yeah, I absolutely do," Leonard replied, his tone serious despite the light bantering. He looked over at Jim when there was no witty comeback to see that he was flushed and very studiously keeping his eyes on the binder in his lap. Leonard smiled to himself. He'd say it over and over again until Jim completely got it. That Leonard loved him just the way he was…all sides of him. Even the ridiculous one.

After that, they drove in companionable silence, listening to a morning news show on the radio while Joanna dozed in the back seat.

"What airline again?" Leonard asked as he followed the signs to the airport off of the highway.

"American," Jim replied. He twisted in his seat to look back at Joanna. "Hey, Joanna," Jim sing-songed. "Time to wake up sleepy-head. We're almost at the airport." He reached back to gently tug on her ankle. Joanna stirred and kept her eyes closed, but she wasn't able to keep the smile off her face. "I see you…I see you smiling there…c'mon…"

Joanna giggled and opened her eyes.

"I'm hungry!" she announced.

"Well, you're in luck. I have a box of Cheerios, or a box of Apple Jacks and some juice. Which one do you want?" Jim asked, fishing around in the Publix bag Bones had thrown in the car so they could eat something on the road.

"Apple Jacks, please!"

"Apple Jacks it is," Jim said, handing the box back to her.

"So, Joanna…did you wake up Jim last night?" Leonard asked, curious to know how they both ended up on the couch.

"Nah," she said, in between bites of the cereal. "Uncle Jim was already awake. I came out because I woke up and saw the light from the tv."

"Why were you up?" Leonard asked.

Jim shrugged.

"I was too excited to sleep."

"Ridiculous."

"But you love me."

 

* * *

_"…we recognize that you have a choice when you fly, and we thank you for choosing us. After we reach our cruising altitude, flight attendants will be moving through the cabin, offering drinks and snacks. Please remain seated with your seatbelt buckled until we indicate that it's safe to move about the cabin, and then only do so if necessary. We ask that while you are seated, you remain buckled. Flight time is about 5 and a half hours, putting us in sunny Florida at about 5:00 pm east coast time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."_

"Relax…right," Leonard muttered, his grip on the armrest not loosening at all since take off. Jim looked over at him, obviously concerned.

"Why didn't you mention you were afraid of flying?" he asked, sparing a glance at Joanna. She was completely ignoring them, staring intently out of the window. Jim sat between father and daughter, Leonard insisting that he wanted the aisle.

"Because it doesn't matter. It's not like there's another viable option to get from one side of the country to the other in the space of a day," Leonard said, concentrating on relaxing his grip and trying to slow his heart by focusing on his breathing. "Besides, it's not the flying that bothers me," he mumbled quietly, not wanting Joanna to hear. "It's the crashing and dying part that freaks me out." Jim gave him a sympathetic look, realizing he was right – knowing about this ahead of time wouldn't have really changed anything. Except…

"If you'd told Chris he could've prescribed something," Jim said, more thinking out loud than anything else. Leonard gave him a look.

"Jim, I'm a doctor. I do know that. I just…never liked to take anything like that…with having Jo and not having anyone like I do now. I always wanted all my wits about me, you know?"

"I know," he said. "But you've got me now." Jim urged Leonard to loosen his grip on the armrest and threaded their fingers together. Leonard gripped his hand tightly, feeling himself flush with embarrassment – at the fact that he was afraid, at how much it helped to be able to hold on to Jim. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, resting his head against the seatback.

Jim traced Leonard's profile with his eyes, wanting to kiss him and reassure him, but settled for the single point of connection between them for now. One of the flight attendants walked past and Jim watched as her eyes fell on their hands and then met his. He looked back, daring her to react in any way. She didn't at all, and Jim went back to watching Bones for another couple of moments, seeing the tension around his mouth, and in the furrow between his eyebrows. A fear of flying, Jim knew, was actually about a fear of the loss of control, and that was a familiar one for him.

But, Jim knew, he would be okay.

"Uncle Jim?" Joanna said from the other side of him.

"What's up sweetie?" Jim asked, focusing his attention on her and smiling at the excitement in her eyes.

"How does an airplane stay up?" she asked, completely innocently. The timing of the question left a little to be desired, though. Jim winced slightly when he felt Leonard's hand tighten convulsively on his. He got the message loud and clear.

"You know, that's a really big question that has a really big answer. Why don't we talk about that later, and maybe do some reading or coloring for now…or we could play a game. What do you think?"

"Um…let's play…no, let's color. Can I have my Disney coloring book? Not the princess one, the other one."

"Sure, Jo." Jim reached for Joanna's backpack and put her tray table down, one-handed. The other remained occupied, and luckily Bones was sitting to his left. Joanna chose a page to color and Jim worked on the facing page.

"Tell me what we're going to do when we get there, Uncle Jim," Joanna said. Jim smiled and began to describe how they would drive to the hotel, get their rooms, unpack, do some exploring…

Joanna listened while she colored, occasionally asking questions about Disney, about the hotel they were staying in. Some Jim knew the answers to…some he said they'd find out together.

As they talked, he remained aware of the grip Bones had on his hand, and he looked over when he felt it lessen slightly. He didn't look quite as tense, and there even was something that was almost a small smile on his face.

Jim gave his hand a squeeze that he answered, and focused his attention back on Joanna.

Time flew.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney World! Fun at the pool, going to Magic Kingdom, and after Joanna goes to bed, fun at the hotel. ;-)

"Wow…" Joanna whispered, stopping in her tracks at the entrance to the lobby. Leonard echoed her sentiments. The expansive room was unlike anything he'd ever seen…lush tropical flora surrounding a waterfall feature that stretched the height of the open, four story building was the center attraction, and the sound of falling water was all around them. The dominating colors were rich browns and reds and golds and greens – the beautiful furniture a mixture of dark and light colored rattan and wicker…all of it was reminiscent of the island nation the Polynesian Hotel was designed to evoke. The soaring ceilings had huge glass panes that let the reddish light from the setting sun flood the space. It was amazing…one of the most beautiful hotels he'd ever been in.

"I'm going to go check us in," Jim said coming up behind them, "and then we can take a look around at everything, okay?"

Jo nodded, and Jim led them to the long desk where enough people were working that they didn't have to wait in line. Leonard appreciated that efficiency. While Jim dealt with check-in, a young woman with carmel-colored skin, dark hair and eyes and a bright smile, dressed in a colorful top and grass skirt, came up to them. Joanna looked up at her with wide eyes, pressing close to her father and reaching for his hand. Seeing the way the child pulled back, the young woman stopped and crouched down, so that she wasn't standing over Jo, but at her eye-level.

" _Ia orana_ , Princess, and welcome to the Polynesian!" she said. "Would you like a wreath of flowers? I made it myself."

Shyly, Joanna nodded and moved closer to her. The young woman reached out to place a wreath of small white flowers and twisted stems on her head. Joanna's eyes were huge as she looked up into her smiling, friendly face. Jim looked back at them, catching Leonard's eyes with a smile. Leonard gently tapped Jo's shoulder, and that seemed to remind her of her manners.

"Th-thank you," she said, returning the smile.

The woman talked with her for a couple more minutes, and Leonard took the opportunity to look around. This place really was amazing. After a couple of moments, she said goodbye and wished them a pleasant visit. Joanna watched as she approached and greeted another family, and looked up at Leonard with excitement in her eyes, the wreath of white flowers standing out against her dark hair.

"Daddy, she called me Princess!" she said. Leonard smiled, loving her excitement so far at such simple things. He couldn't wait until she saw the rest of it.

"I heard! I guess in Disney World you're a princess!" he said. Joanna paused at that, then looked up at him, a twinkle in her eye that he was learning to be wary of.

"Does that mean I'm in charge and you have to do what I say when we're here?"

Leonard chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Don't you wish," he said. He leaned down to pick her up, gently poking her sides, making her giggle. "Let's go see if Uncle Jim is almost done." He settled Jo on his hip so she could see over the counter and walked to Jim's side.

"Beautiful flowers!" Jim exclaimed when they reached him. Joanna nodded, reaching up to gently touch the wreath.

"The lady who gave me it called me Princess!"

Jim smiled and gently tugged on a lock of her hair. The young man working behind the counted glanced up at them and smiled at Joanna.

"That's because while you're at Disney, you are a princess!" he said. He looked back down at his computer screen, then between Jim and Leonard. "Sir, I just want to confirm the reservation we have for you…one king-sized bed and one twin in a two-room guest house…is that correct?"

"Daddy and Uncle Jim share the room and sleep in the same bed," Joanna announced before Jim could answer. "And I sleep in my own bed."

Jim chuckled at her matter-of-fact statement as Leonard flushed. Since that incident in Santa Rosa, Leonard had become hyper-aware of how people reacted to them when they were in public, and it was exacerbated when Jo was with them. Jim knew that despite Leonard's discomfort at his personal life being announced in such a manner, he'd be very vocal if anything untoward was said or insinuated. The agent was very professional though, and kept a carefully straight face, even as his lips twitched in amusement, as he looked between the two adults.

"Yes, that's right," Jim replied, laughter in his voice as Leonard kept his eyes cast to the side. He leaned closer to the counter, and dropped his voice to a conspirative whisper. "And I'm not actually her uncle."

Joanna nodded. "That's just what I call him – he was my teacher," she added helpfully.

" _Now_  you want to be talkative?" Leonard grumbled, embarrassed, but amused at her timing. The agent just nodded sagely as if he completely understood the situation, his own growing amusement at the way a child could make even a simple check-in humorous, obvious.

"Well, okay then!" he said brightly. "If I can have your autograph here…" Jim signed where he indicated. "You're all set. Here are your card keys. You can use them as charge cards anywhere on Disney property and the charges will be added to your room." He went over a couple of other points, and then a porter came over with their luggage to show them to their room.

The porter led them outside of the main lodge and through the gardens, talking about the tropical plants and occasional exhibits of tropical birds, lizards, and other animals. Jim visibly recoiled as they passed an exhibit housing a Pacific tree boa that was wrapped around one of the branches in its habitat. It was a short walk, but the humidity was intense, and though the sun was nearly down at 7:30, it was still well into low 90's.

"Is it always this hot?" Jim asked.

Leonard looked over at him, unsurprised that the heat was bothering him more than he or Jo.  _Have to make sure we have plenty of sunscreen and water with us_ , he thought.

"It's summertime!" The porter exclaimed, a huge smile lighting up his face. "It's either hot and humid, or raining. I love it. Reminds me of home."

Arriving at their lodging, which as Jim said earlier, was actually a guest house, Joanna clapped her hands excitedly.

"It looks like a treehouse!" she exclaimed.

Leonard agreed and looked over at Jim, who actually also looked a little dumbfounded. It was much more than what he'd originally budgeted for, but when the hospital administrator learned that Leonard was bringing his little girl and his significant other, he'd generously picked up the cost of the flights for all three of them. When Leonard called his mother to let her know that he would be on the East Coast, just a few hours from her, she'd begged off the invitation to join them with good grace.

_"I'm writing curriculum for the school board that I gotta have ready in just a few weeks. Ya'll go and have a fantastic time. Make sure you take pictures for me. Now, what exactly are you planning on doing?"_

At the end of that phone conversation, Hannah had insisted that she pay for their Disney tickets, and she absolutely wouldn't take no for an answer, citing once again her God-given right to spoil her grandchild, and by extension her son and Jim. Grumbling, but grateful, Leonard accepted the gift from his mother.

Between not having to pay for the park tickets or the flights, Leonard gave Jim an altered budget for the hotel…and he'd chosen well.

Dinner had been a simple affair. Jim asked that they stop at a grocery store between the airport and Disney property where he picked up some things that could be easily prepared in the small, but quite serviceable kitchen. Leonard didn't realize how brilliant an idea that was until he realized how tired and cranky Joanna was. It had been a very long day for her, and sitting through a meal at a restaurant would not have worked well.

"We've got all week to try anyplace we want," Jim had explained. "Let's have a nice, relaxing night in so everyone is fresh for tomorrow." He smiled and winked at Leonard. "I don't know what you're up to, but Jo and I have big plans!"

Joanna giggled and was quite happy with the idea, with the compromise that they explore the hotel grounds first. They toured the gardens, stopped by the white-sand lakeside beach, and gazed at Cinderella's castle visible in the distance from the dock. All in all, it had been a great day…a great start to their vacation. Now, Joanna was tucked into bed, sleeping soundly, and the adults weren't far behind.

"You nervous?" Jim asked quietly.

Leonard looked away from his laptop screen showing his presentation and looked down at Jim, lying beside him on the bed. The really, really comfortable, king-sized bed. Leonard smiled slightly. Jim looked drowsy and cozy, but his strikingly blue eyes were focused unerringly on Leonard.

"Nah," he replied. "I've given talks like this before." He hesitated and looked back at the screen. He'd sent this presentation to the organizers a week ago, and tomorrow it would be up on the screen, and printed in booklets, distributed to other specialists in his field, and those researchers would be listening to him talk about a discovery _he'd_  made. So…nervous? "Well…maybe a little," Leonard amended, and Jim smiled slightly.

"You're going to be great. I know it," Jim said. He said it so confidently, with such complete conviction, that Leonard felt some of the tension he'd been feeling dissipate. Jim reached up from where he lay and brushed his fingertips over Leonard's cheek. "Lie down with me?"

Wordlessly, Leonard nodded and shut his laptop. He placed it on the bedside table and snapped off the light, a yawn taking him by surprise. He was tired…it'd been a long, exhausting day.

Leonard eased himself down, sighing as he relaxed on the bed. Jim moved over slightly to make room for him, and then curled around his body, head resting on Leonard's shoulder. Both were too tired to do anything but hold each other and trade gentle, lingering kisses. Leonard stroked Jim down his back, hand traveling over the fabric of his sleepshirt. Jim sighed softly and let his eyes fall closed, lulled by the soft touches, comfortable bed and the warmth of the solid body beside and around him. Leonard fell asleep listening to Jim's deep, steady breaths.

 

* * *

 

"I don't know…" Joanna said, peering down the waterslide as she clutched Jim's hand tightly. They were standing in the well at the beginning of the slide, water swirling around them. Jim glanced at the lifeguard who was watching them with a politely interested smile on her face.

"Lots of kids go down the slide every day," she piped up. "They always have so much fun and they go again and again!"

Jo bit her lip and looked from the lifeguard back to the slide. They'd been standing there for a little while, but the pool area wasn't all that crowded, and so far every time someone came up for a turn, they'd simply stepped out of the way. Jo watched kids her own age, and some a little younger go down the waterslide, shrieking with delight.

"Can we go down together?" Jim asked her.

"No, sorry…this is single slider. But you could wait for her at the bottom."

Jim nodded and looked back at Jo.

"What do you think about that Jo? I'll go down first, and then I'll be waiting for you at the bottom. Wanna give it a try?"

Joanna looked like she was about to answer when a couple of kids came up behind them. Jim guessed they were an older brother and little sister. The boy looked to be a bit older than Jo, and the girl a bit younger. They moved out of the way and watched them go, no hesitation at all, and Jo finally nodded.

"Okay…but you're going to wait for me, right?"

Jim smiled brightly, proud that she was going to give it a try.

"Right. Okay…I'm going to go…you come down right after me!" Jim glanced at the lifeguard who nodded slightly in understanding. Jim sat at the edge of the slide waiting for the okay. The lifeguard gave him the go ahead and he flashed one more smile at Jo. "Here I go!" he cried, pushing off. "WHOO HOO!" Mere seconds later, he splashed into the pool at the bottom. Pushing his wet hair back, Jim stood in the waist-deep water and turned towards the slide, waiting.

He didn't have to wait long…Jo hit the water just a few seconds later and swam over to where he stood, a huge grin on her face.

"I wanna go again!" she exclaimed, beaming with the thrill of it.

They spent most of the morning going down the two slides and playing in the pool, taking breaks only to apply more sunblock and get something to drink, Leonard's warnings about the strength of the Florida sun and the dangers of dehydration embedded in his head.

Now, resting on one of the lounge chairs, Jim pulled off the t-shirt he'd been wearing while they played, wanting to get a little sun on him. He was fair enough that even with sunblock he knew he was going to gain some color on his arms and face, and the last thing he wanted to take away from his time in Florida was a farmer's tan. He watched as Joanna played in a shallow part of the pool, exploring the interactive water feature, thinking about what they could do next. There was a whole schedule of activities for children, and he thought that she might enjoy trying some of them. And they were going to need to eat lunch at some point. They had plenty of time, though. He wasn't expecting Bones to join them until around four or five, depending on how interested he was in the rest of the conference, and how interested the other conference attendees were in him. For dinner, they had reservations over at the Contemporary Hotel. Jim smiled to himself… Jo didn't know about this yet, but they were going to take the monorail to the hotel and eat at Chef Mickey's, a restaurant that boasted kid and adult friendly food, a Disney party atmosphere, and an appearance by Mickey, Minnie, and some other Disney characters. That should be a lot of fun, though he did wonder how she would react to the come-to-life cartoon characters.

He sighed to himself as he watched another little girl try to draw her into whatever game she was playing with a little boy. He recognized the pair as likely the brother and sister they'd seen on the slide. He observed the way Joanna shook her head and pulled away from the girl who tried to take her hand. Joanna had come far in the time he knew her, but she was still more on the shy side than he wished for her. It should be easy for her to join in and play, but she still almost always opted to play alone. The thing was, Jim often observed her watching other children play together, like she wanted to be there. She just didn't…couldn't…engage in that carefree way other kids her age could. It made him frustrated on her behalf, wishing he could do something else to help her. He made a mental note to remind himself to seriously look into the local Tae Kwon Do classes in the area when they got back.

"She's really cute."

Distracted watching Joanna as he was, it took a second for Jim to realize he was being addressed. He turned to see a woman had settled herself on a lounge chair near him. Behind his sunglasses, his eyes traveled over her quickly…pretty, blonde, petite…no ring. 

_Great,_  he thought.

"I'm sorry?" he said politely.

She nodded in the direction of where the three children were playing, two together, one separately.

"Pink bathing suit, dark hair…she's adorable. She's - she  _is_  yours, right?"

Jim smiled and nodded quickly, hearing the first notes of uncertainty color her tone. Not that Jim blamed her. He'd been watching Jo pretty intently…if she wasn't "his," it definitely would be creepy of him to have his attention on her like that.

"Yeah…she's with me. And thanks. She actually looks a lot like her father; she got his coloring and features."

"Well, she got the good parts, obviously. Those are my two," she indicated the two children playing together near Joanna. "And it really must be the magic of Disney, because they're actually getting along for a record stretch of time."

Jim smiled.

"They look like great kids...and fearless too. We watched your daughter go down the slides by herself without a second thought."

She smiled and nodded.

"She's always been like that. No hesitation whatsoever – I had to teach her to swim before she was three because she had no qualms jumping into the pool whether or not she was wearing her water wings. I think it's because she's always in competition with her older brother."

Jim nodded. That probably was exactly what made her so daring - living up to her older brother. It definitely was what made him daring when he was a child. The woman introduced herself as Alissa and continued to chat. Jim didn't want to be rude, but he didn't want to inadvertently encourage either. He also didn't want to just announce that he was with someone on the chance that wasn't her intention and she was just a chatty person. So, Jim stayed politely distant, not ignoring her, but not actively engaging her in conversation, either.

"So," Alissa said after a few minutes. "Are you here with anyone?" Jim looked over at her and she hurried with her explanation. "Because we're probably going to get something for lunch pretty soon, and you're both welcome to join us. If you're...free."

"Thanks for the invitation, but I'm not free," Jim said, hoping he was being perfectly clear. Alissa studied him for a moment, and took off her sunglasses, looking back over at where the children splashed and played in the water, making connections.

"Her father?" she guessed. Jim hesitated, but there didn't seem to be any animosity there. After a moment, he inclined his head and smiled slightly.

"Yeah."

The conversation tapered off then, and Jim waved as Joanna looked over at him. She waved back, and ran over to him.

"Uncle Jim," she said, as she climbed up onto the chair. "I'm hungry."

He lifted her so that she was sitting on his lap and shivered slightly as her wet body touched his now dry and warm skin. He wrapped a towel around her and proceeded to squeeze water out of her braided pigtails. She'd wanted to take them out, but Jim heeded Bones' warning of how tangled her thick hair would end up, and looking at the result of being in the pool for the better part of the day, he was glad he followed that piece of advice. Before he even realized what he was doing, Jim dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

"Well, let's go do something about that."

 

* * *

 

It was hot. Like, really hot. But it was the humidity that was really unbearable. Jim wiped the sweat from his forehead and glared at Leonard, who looked entirely too comfortable for the temperatures they were currently experiencing.

"How are you not dying, man?" Jim asked. Leonard smirked at him and handed Jim the rest of his water. "Thanks."

"Grew up in Georgia, Jim. This isn't a big deal to me."

"Or me!" Joanna piped up.

Jim smiled down at her – she didn't look hot either. She looked like she was having a ball…and that made waiting in ninety minute lines in ninety-three degree heat and humidity completely worth it.

They were in the Toon Town Fair section of the Magic Kingdom, and they were in the kiddie-rollercoaster Barnstormer line…for the second time. She insisted that they all go together, despite the fact that they had to sit two to a seat. The first time, she'd sat with her father. This time, she planned to sit with Jim.

It had been a very full, very fun day. They'd made their way through Adventureland, Fantasyland, and Frontierland – doing every ride that Joanna wanted, and was tall enough for, and didn't think was too scary. Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion would have to be saved for another trip, as would Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, and Space Mountain. They'd had lunch at the Crystal Palace, then took the train around the park a couple of times, staying on it just for the fun of it, and getting off at the back of the park, at Toon Town Fair. They'd explored Mickey and Minnie's country houses, had a quick dinner at the Friar's Nook in Fantasyland, and waited in line to meet the Princesses.

That was quite the experience. Jim got some great pictures as Joanna sat first with Princess Aurora (who, Jim learned, was Sleeping Beauty), then Cinderella, and finally Princess Jasmine. Jo had been completely star struck, but each of the princesses were fantastic. This character meet and greet wasn't a rushed thing…they each spent time with her, talking with her, staying very much in character, and getting her to respond by encouraging her to ask them questions about their lives. That was definitely a highlight of the day.

When they were done with their second ride, Leonard checked the time…nearly nine at night. Referring to the map he'd been carrying around all day, he read that the fireworks were at ten, and people were already lining up for choice spots to see the Main Street Electrical Light Parade before the fireworks.

"Daddy, will you hold me?" Joanna asked. They were headed in the general direction of Cinderella's Castle, and the exit. Because as far as Joanna's come, Leonard thought that fireworks might still be a bit too much. He paused to lift Joanna, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Tired Baby?" he asked, rubbing her back gently.

"No," she replied immediately. Jim smiled and caught Leonard's eyes. They'd been going all day…of course she was tired. "Where are we going now?"

"Well, I thought we should head back to the hotel…"

"Daddy…noo!" Joanna exclaimed, raising her head to look between her father and Jim. "I don't want to leave!" Tears gathered in her eyes, and she looked like she was going to start crying.

"But Jo," Jim said. "We're going to go to Animal Kingdom tomorrow…and remember what they said at the hotel? That we should go early in the morning, before the animals all try to hide from the sun. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah," she said, wiping her eyes and sniffling.

"Well, if we head back to the hotel and get a good night's sleep, we'll be able to wake up early to see all the animals!"

"But I don't want to go yet," she whined, too overtired to be reasoned with.

"We can come back, Baby, but it's time to head back to the hotel," Leonard said, realizing the futility of trying to convince her and opting for the more definite "we're doing it because I said so" approach. Joanna fussed a bit more, but never really made it to a full fit, simply putting her head back down on her father's shoulder and crying a bit. Leonard just held her, knowing it wasn't going to keep up and that she wouldn't even make it to the hotel before falling asleep.

A short while later, they settled themselves in a monorail car, Leonard cradling Joanna in his arms. Jim had been carrying the backpack that held their supplies for the day, and Leonard caught him wincing as he took it off his shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked in a low voice.

"Hm? Yeah Bones, I'm fine. Just tired."

"And a little burned," Leonard said, running his finger across Jim's cheek over his nose and across the other. Jim smiled and shrugged.

"Just a bit. I'm fine." The customary tone warning of imminent departure sounded, and the pleasant, bland masculine voice came over the intercom.

_"Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas."_  A moment later they were on their way. Joanna was asleep in her father's arms, and Jim rested his head on Leonard's shoulder. The ride was soothing and, thankfully quick.

"Did she wake up at all?" Jim asked when Leonard joined him in their bedroom. Leonard shook his head and started pulling his clothes off, feeling pretty desperate for a shower.

"She didn't even twitch. I'll probably give her a quick bath tomorrow morning, but I gave her a good wipe down, so she's fine for the time being. She was so sound asleep, it would've been a bad idea to wake her."

Jim nodded and yawned hugely. He'd already taken a shower, and was wearing only an old pair of thin sleep pants that rode low on his hips. He gave Bones a kiss then let himself fall across the bed, face first. Leonard chuckled.

"Don't tell me you're tired out just by walking around a park, Jim?" Leonard teased as he headed to the bathroom.

"It's the heat," came the muffled reply. "Walking around in that heat just sapped the energy right out of me."

Leonard stuck his head back in the bedroom.

"You're probably a little dehydrated. Have some water, Jim. I'll be out in a minute."

"'M not thirsty," he replied.

"Jim…have another bottle of water. Don't want you falling asleep on me, now."

Jim pushed himself up and looked at Leonard with interest.

"Oh yeah? How come, Bones? Got something in mind?"

Leonard just smiled and gave him a casual shrug, and went to take his shower in the single full bathroom down the hallway.

Jim got up and headed down to the kitchen to do as he was told, slowly rotating his arm, the uncomfortable tightness he'd been feeling since sleeping on it funny last night starting to turn into a familiar, deep ache. Sighing, he grabbed a couple of ibuprophen to swallow with his water. Moving to the sitting room, Jim picked up the remote control and turned on the tv, switching it to the local news with the hope of catching a weather report for tomorrow. So far, they'd been incredibly lucky, and the afternoon thunderstorms that were apparently so common for this time of year hadn't happened so far. No luck though, in seeing a weather report because as soon as he heard the water turn off, Jim headed back upstairs.

Leonard joined him, rubbing the water out of his hair with a towel, as Jim was turning down the bedcovers. He straightened when he felt Bones come up behind him, wrapping his arms around his chest and pressing a kiss to Jim's neck. He sighed and let his head tip to the side, giving Bones more access even as he squirmed slightly at the attention on that spot that always got to him.

"How are you feeling?" Leonard asked. Jim smiled, turning in his arms so they were face to face.

"I'm good Bones," he said. "I'm really, really good."

Leonard looked at him, raising an eyebrow at the uncommon ineloquence, and Jim huffed a laugh, head tilting to the side as he glanced down. Leonard felt a tug at the shy pleasure on Jim's face.

"I'm just…really happy. I love this…being here with you and Jo, being a  _family_  ."

Leonard smiled and leaned in to kiss him, one hand moving to the back of his neck, the other arm wrapped around his waist.

"I love  _you_ , and that you're a part of my family, too," Leonard replied. They stood there together like that, trading kisses that got more demanding as their bodies pressed together, feeling the effect they had on each other. After a couple of moments, Leonard backed them up a couple of steps so that Jim's legs touched the mattress. Taking the hint, he sat and made room for Bones, moving to lay down at the gentle direction of Bones' hands on him.

Jim felt a thrill at the possessive nature of Bones' embrace as they lay together, and the way he was leading what they were doing. He didn't know what had instigated this change…this more bold attitude Bones had right now, but he wasn't about to expend a whole lot of energy trying to figure it out. Not when he was torn between the desire building within him and the desire to remain passive, letting Bones take the lead in this.

Jim gasped when Bones released his mouth to move down his neck…not sucking, so as not to leave marks, but using his tongue and lips to drive Jim crazy. One of his large, warm hands was splayed across Jim's chest, fingers rubbing over Jim's nipple, making him pant as his cock hardened further and strained for attention in his sleep pants.

Being willing to stay passive didn't mean he wasn't going to reciprocate though, and Jim let his hands wander all over Bones' body, wrapping a hand around the back of Bones' neck and gently squeezing, the other mapping the contours of his back as he moved over Jim, dropping kisses down his throat, and coming back up to claim his mouth. Jim slid a hand between their bodies in front, slipping his hand in the waist band of the boxers Bones was wearing. Jim's fingers brushed Bones' erection, making him jerk against him and groan.

Bones pulled back to look at Jim, holding himself over his body by keeping his weight on his arms. Jim's lips were red and swollen, spit-slicked…half-lidded blue eyes dark with lust looking up at him. He was panting, his body trembling slightly with the force of his arousal.

"Bones," Jim said, voice raspy and strained. "You have no idea how amazing you look right now."

Leonard snorted slightly.

"Right back at 'ya, Darlin'." He hesitated for a second. "Do we have anything…"

"Bedside table, first draw," Jim said immediately.

Bones chuckled lowly, reaching where Jim indicated.

"Always prepared, huh?" he teased.

Jim smiled, watching as Leonard squeezed some lube into his hand.

"Boyscouts," Jim said, straight-faced. Leonard laughed, and leaned down to capture Jim's lips in another kiss that he had to turn his head from when Leonard's hand finally,  _finally_  closed on his aching erection – feeling cool and slick with the lube. Unable to control himself, Jim thrust his hips, groaning. Leonard followed his movements, keeping his hand still on Jim, making him whine in the back of his throat as his hands clenched on Bones' shoulders.

"Uhh…ohhh…please, Bones...pl – aahh!" Jim gasped and grunted as Bones stroked him firmly, the slick slide of flesh on flesh setting off sparks of intense sensation. Not to be outdone, Jim managed to get some lube in his own hands and pulled the waist band of Bones' boxers away from his body, gently grasping his erection and stroking, taking up the rhythm Bones set, making him drop his head to rest against Jim's shoulder.

Stroking and gasping, muscles tense and trembling under the onslaught of exquisite pleasure, they brought each other closer to completion. Breathing hard, and straining up into Leonard's grasp, Jim opened his eyes as he reached his peak, and found dark hazel eyes gazing back and he couldn't concentrate enough to name what he saw there, but he  _felt_ , and with a hoarse shout he was coming, thrusting hard into Leonard's grip.

The beautiful sight of Jim reaching his peak was enough to send Leonard over, too, and he bucked against Jim. He felt Jim's arms tighten around him and hold him through his orgasm, and gentling him with light kisses brushed across his face and lips as he trembled through the aftershocks, ragged breathing the only sound he made.

After a few moments of breathing hard against each other, hearts slowing, languid contentment taking over, Jim shifted slightly and Leonard followed his movements so they were lying side by side. Leonard reached over and grabbed the slightly damp towel he'd been using earlier and without a word, they took turns cleaning up a bit. Settling down together, holding each other securely, neither needed to interrupt the quiet sleepiness with words…they knew what they felt.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the Disney trip, and Leonard realizes that Jim has something in his past that is affecting him today, and they look forward to the next stage in their relationship.

"I'm not wearing that shirt," Leonard said, eyeing the offensive item.

"But Bo-ones!" Jim whined, stretching his name out to two syllables expertly. Leonard rolled his eyes. "It's a luau! You have to wear a Hawaiian shirt!" he insisted.

"Yeah, Daddy!" Jo chimed in from where she sat on their bed, flipping through one of her books. "I'm wearing a Hawaiian outfit, and so is Uncle Jim, and you have to too!"

"Oh, I do, huh?" he asked. He looked at the shirt Jim had chosen and bought for him (without his knowledge). The very loud, very colorful, parrot and palm frond-adorned shirt – and sighed. There was no way he could deny them when they were  _both_  looking at him like that. He threw up his hands dramatically. "Oh, all right. You win."

"Yea!" Joanna exclaimed, standing on the bed to give Jim a high five. "I'm gonna go get my flip-flops. Hurry, Daddy – it's almost time to go! Get me down, Uncle Jim," she said, holding her arms out to him. Smiling, he swung her down and placed her lightly on her feet, wincing slightly at the movement and weight. "Can I call Janie to check on Samantha? Please?"

"Go ahead, darlin'. Use my cellphone – it's on the counter. You remember her telephone number?" Leonard asked her. He watched as Jim rolled his shoulder as if it were stiff.

"415-302-7614," she rattled off as she skipped out of the room. Jim turned towards Leonard, a question on the tip of his tongue that never made it any further when he saw the way he was looking at him.

"What?" Jim asked, smiling as Leonard put on the shirt he'd packed for him, just for this night. It really wasn't "Bones" at all…he'd have to remember to get a good picture of him. Possibly for blackmailing purposes.

"I've been watching you wince and pretend nothing is wrong since we first got here. And, seriously Jim, did you actually think I wouldn't notice you taking Advil at evenly spaced intervals? What's wrong with your shoulder?" Leonard demanded.

Jim rolled his eyes in fond exasperation as he fiddled with his camera. "Nothing, Bones. It's just stiff – and sometimes it bothers me a little more than others – maybe because of the humidity, and I slept on it wrong. It's no big deal. Are you – ow! Hey!" he exclaimed. Leonard surprised him by coming to stand in front of him and Jim flinched as Leonard palpitated his shoulder. He tried to pull away, but Leonard was persistent, holding him in place and frowning slightly as his strong fingers probed the joint, focusing in on where it felt the most tender. "Bones… _ow_ , man. Stop it." Jim pulled away and this time Leonard let him go.

"I can feel that there's inflammation, Jim. You been to the doctor for it?" Leonard asked, but already fairly certain of the answer. Feeling slightly annoyed, Jim did his best to keep it off his face and out of his voice and shook his head.

"Nah…it's not a big deal, Bones. C'mon," he said, heading out of the room and effectively ending the conversation. "I'm going to make sure Jo's not actually talking to China, and then let's go! I've never been to a luau before and I don't want to miss it. Hey, Jo…you ready?"

Leonard grabbed his wallet and made sure he had a room key before following Jim out. He may have managed to deflect his questions for now, but he wasn't going to let this go. Jim wasn't a complainer, and he wasn't really one to take medication…even when his allergies were flaring up…and the fact that he'd been making his way through a bottle of Advil was a pretty good indicator that the pain he was experiencing wasn't "nothing."

He resolved to revisit this with Jim later. For now, there was a Polynesian luau to attend.

Following the path from their guest house to the Main Lodge, Joanna walked between them, holding their hands and taking skipping steps. She was chatting happily about how much fun they had today. They'd gone to Animal Kingdom, getting there early enough to open the park, get to the Kilimanjaro Safaris ride and see a wide variety of African savannah animals before the heat of the day made them seek shelter. Jo had loved it, pointing excitedly to the animals as the driver narrated the story of the trail, and asking that Jim take a picture of everything they saw. He obliged her, even letting her hold the camera and take her own picture when the driver stopped to give them all a good view of a mother giraffe with her calf. The walked the Maharajah Jungle Trek, taking pictures of the tigers they saw. They also caught the train to the Conservation Station, and ended up spending more than two hours there, unable to pull Joanna away when she discovered the petting zoo – completely taken with the lambs and goats.

It started out as a perfect park day, the sky full of clouds that helped mitigate the sun, and though it was very humid, it wasn't as hot as it was the day before. That lasted until about two and then there was a sudden temperature drop, and it got windy, and moments later the skies opened, and it  _poured_. "Monsooned" was probably a more apt description. They took shelter under an overhang of a snack shop, crowded in with everyone who'd had the same idea. Leonard stood there for a couple of minutes, with his two favorite people wishing the rain would stop, and shrugged. The rain had lessened slightly, and there was no lightning or thunder that he could see or hear. And contrary to popular belief, you could not catch a cold simply by getting wet.

Pulling away from them, Leonard left the shelter of the overhang.

"C'mon!" he said, laughing at their surprised expressions. "It's just rain – I want to see the show in the Tree of Life, and then we can check out Dinosaur!"

Jim and Joanna looked at each other, clearly wondering if he'd lost his marbles. After a moment, after Jim secured his camera in a plastic bag that he buried in the depths of the backpack he was carrying, they darted out into the rain with him, obviously deciding it didn't matter. The weather hadn't stopped their fun, and Joanna felt bad for the kids stuck under the overhang, with parents who didn't know rain couldn't make you sick.

It did eventually stop raining, of course as they were boarding a Disney bus that would take them to their hotel. The driver was friendly and engaging, asking Disney trivia questions during the ride back, and they kept score among themselves, each managing to answer three or four questions.

Now they were heading to the Polynesian's Luau dinner. The rain had cleared some of the humidity out of the air, and though it was still warm, it was no longer stifling. They chose their seats at a long wooden picnic-style table, Joanna sitting between Jim and Leonard, swinging her feet inches off the ground, and they settled in to watch the show and enjoy the dinner.

 

* * *

 

"You want an ice pack?" Leonard asked. Jim sighed and felt a surge of annoyance.

"Leonard – I'm  _fine_ ," Jim insisted, hoping the emphasis and the first name would get the point across. "Could you please just drop it."

Leonard eyed Jim as they got ready for bed. He didn't get it. He didn't understand why Jim was being so resistant to him.

"I just don't like to see you in pain. Especially if it's something that can be fixed," Leonard said quietly, turning away from him and trying to keep his tone even and unaffected. He pulled down the blankets, and slid into the bed waiting for Jim to join him. Jim sighed, hearing the note of discontent in Bones' voice, and immediately felt bad for acting like such a jerk. He didn't mean to dismiss Bones' concern in a way that made him feel like he was being shut out. He just…didn't want to dwell on it. But he also didn't want to fight, and he really didn't want to spend the rest of their vacation dealing with sidelong glances and concerned eyebrows.

Jim snapped off the light and lay down, fitting himself snuggly against Leonard, wrapping an arm around his midsection. He was relieved when Leonard unhesitatingly put his arm around his shoulders and held him tight to his side. Jim sighed and stretched up to kiss him before settling back down.

"I'm sorry…I don't mean to be an ass," Jim said quietly. "It's just…there's nothing I can do about it, but it's not crippling or anything, and I just don't want you to worry about it."

"But Jim…do you  _know_  there's nothing you can do about it? Because pain that's persistent enough for you to be taking ibuprophen regularly is usually pain that has a specific cause. Has your GP referred you to an orthopedist? Or have you had an x-ray or a scan?"

Jim was quiet for a couple of seconds, knowing there really wasn't a way out of this. He certainly wasn't going to outright  _lie_  to Bones.

"No, I haven't," Jim said. Leonard was quiet, waiting for more of an answer. He felt like he was missing something here. Why was Jim being so evasive about something so simple? It just didn't make any sense.

"You haven't…what?" he asked, when it became obvious that no other information was going to be volunteered. Jim sighed and shifted against him.

"I haven't been to an orthopedist about it. I…well, I haven't really been to a GP either."

"Why not? Don't you have insurance? Are you telling me you're working under a fixed salary contract for seven years at a private school and they're not providing insurance?"

"Bones…no, that's not it," Jim said quickly, amused and touched by the quick spark of indignation on his behalf. "I have coverage. I just…don't use it."

Leonard absorbed that, thinking it through. A while ago, Jim had made Leonard his medical contact and gave him access to his medical records by officially listing him as his doctor. At the time, it was for a fairly practical reason…Leonard wasn't willing to involve himself with someone who wasn't completely healthy…but beyond the results of the blood test that he'd drawn himself, he hadn't delved into Jim's medical history. There was no reason to, and he never looked to see how complete, or incomplete, the records were. But hearing this now, Leonard felt he could probably guess. And to his reckoning, there was probably only one reason an insured adult wouldn't go to a doctor about something that was obviously giving him a hard time. As surprising as it was, it made sense.

"You afraid of doctors, Jim?" Leonard asked gently, careful to keep his voice neutral and sure of the answer. He wondered how long it'd been since he'd had even a basic physical.

"No," he replied quickly. "I'm not afraid of you," he said teasingly, looking up to catch Leonard's eyes, smiling slightly. There was no answering mirth, just obvious concern, so he gave up, putting his head back down. "I'm not  _afraid_  of doctors. I just…don't like them…or trust them. And I don't like going for medical procedures. Especially if I don't really need it."

Leonard's brow furrowed in confusion. He could understand, and hell, even wholeheartedly agree with, not wanting an unnecessary medical procedure, but to not even get something checked out? "But Jim…don't you want to know what's wrong? What if it's something simple that has a simple fix? Isn't the possibility of not having to live with pain, even if it is only a periodic issue, worth at least getting your shoulder looked at?"

Jim bit his lip and couldn't bring himself to answer. Because yeah, while it might be good to know what was causing his damn shoulder to ache like it does, that wasn't enough to make it worth it to him. It didn't hurt all the time, and it didn't stop him from doing the things he wanted to do, so why worry about it? Bones seemed to get it, though, because after a couple seconds of very telling silence, he tightened his hold around Jim, the one-armed hug comforting and comfortable.

"Would you go if I arranged it with someone I know and trust?" he asked after a few moments. Jim made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat and shrugged slightly. That was a little better…he may be marginally more inclined to go if it was to someone Bones knew. But he was still reluctant to commit himself, knowing if he did he'd be held to it. So Jim didn't respond, extremely glad for the cover of darkness as he felt himself flush, embarrassed because he was sure Bones must think he was being such a wuss. "Would you go if I went with you?"

"You'd go with me?" Jim asked lifting his head to look at Leonard, the surprise clear in his voice. Leonard smiled slightly and brushed a thumb across Jim's cheek.

"Of course, Jim," Leonard said. "Of course I would go with you if you want me there." Jim put his head back down, reaching for Leonard's hand. That was something that he might be more willing to do. Having Bones there with him was a pretty comforting thought. "So…can we make an appointment when we get back?"

"Yeah," he said eventually, sounding very put-upon. "I guess. But if I don't like something, I'm not doing it. And the guy better not try to force me into anything."

Leonard blinked, frowning slightly. He felt taken aback by not only what Jim was saying, but  _how_  he was saying it. As if…almost as if he were speaking from experience. "No one is going to force you to do anything, Jim. You don't have to worry about that." Leonard replied, wanting Jim to really believe that. He wondered what had happened to make Jim so…distrustful, and obviously fearful, no matter what Jim asserted...of doctors. Maybe something when he was a kid…maybe it was just a personality quirk. And wouldn't that being the pot calling the kettle black if Leonard were to call him out on a personality quirk. But whatever. If his being there made Jim feel secure enough to go get evaluated, then he'd be there. They'd deal with the rest as it came.

 

* * *

 

Something was up. Leonard didn't know what, but the longer Jim and Joanna sat on the couch watching cartoons, the more suspicious he got. He could not, for the life of him, figure out why on this…their last afternoon at Disney…Jo seemed okay with staying in the hotel room at two o'clock in the afternoon, when it was beautiful and sunny outside.

Today they'd gone to Epcot, getting there as soon as the park opened, and spent a leisurely morning touring the front of the park, spending  _a lot_  of time in the Imagination Pavilion, trying out the interactive science stations, watching the shows and playing in the Kodak "What If" Labs. Jim had as much fun with that exhibit as Joanna did, and by the time they were done she had amended her birthday wishlist to include her own camera… "Like Uncle Jim's!" They'd done almost all of the other exhibits and rides there, too, and by three, they were done with the front part of the park.

"You guys want to take a walk around the lake? Visit some of the countries?" Leonard asked. Jim and Joanna glanced at each other before answering.

"Not really, Bones. Not my thing, you know?"

"I'm tired, Daddy. Can we go back to the hotel to relax?" Joanna asked.

That stopped Leonard in his tracks, because  _Joanna_  wanting to go relax? Yeah, right.

"You're not getting sick on me, are ya Baby?" he asked, looking at her carefully. She didn't seem sick…but still.

"No, Daddy. I'm fine. Can we maybe go to the pool again?"

So, they'd come back to the hotel, Leonard feeling a little put out that they didn't walk around the lake to see the country exhibits, but willing to let it go and put it in the "on our next visit" list. At the hotel, he was expecting to go to the pool, or play on the lakeside beach, or do any number of the activities the hotel hosted for children and families throughout the day. He  _didn't_  expect to end up having Jim and Joanna sacked out in front of the TV.

Eventually he gave up on trying to figure them out, and set to the task of packing. Their flight home was at four, and they didn't need to check out until noon tomorrow, so there was plenty of time, but he figured if they were going to hang around the room, he may as well make use of the time.

Half an hour later, he joined Jim and Jo in the sitting room, determined to get them out and doing something, when there was a knock at the door.

"Would you get that Bones?" Jim said, sparing him a glance.

"You order something?" Jim gave a half-smile, but kept his eyes on the TV screen, totally engrossed in an episode of  _Phineas and Ferb_.

"Kinda," he answered vaguely. Leonard looked at him suspiciously, but got up to get the door as whoever it was knocked again.

"Hi Mr. McCoy!"

Leonard blinked in surprise, trying to make sense of who was standing on his doorstep, across the country from where she lived. Jim chuckled, and got up with Jo to come to the door.

"Bones, let her in," Jim said, coming up behind him and pulling the door open wider. "Hi Sarah! How are you?"

"Hey Jo!" Sarah said as Joanna flung her arms around her waist. "Oof…quite a grip you got there kiddo. Hi Jim…I'm great. I'm not late am I? How are you guys? Having a fun time?"

"Nope, you're right on time. And it's been a blast…hasn't it?" Jim said, looking at Leonard and Joanna.

"Yes! Yesterday we went to Hollywood Studios and we saw a show of the Little Mermaid! And it looked like we were under water because of lasers. And then we went to a playground with huge grass and bugs! Everything was big to make it look like we were shrunk and you could slide down a piece of grass and crawl through ant tunnels…and come to my room…I want to show you…" Joanna led a laughing Sarah out of the family room by the hand, keeping up her running commentary on what they've been up to while they were here.

Leonard turned to Jim, a bemused expression on his face. "Jim…what…why is Sarah here?  _How_  is Sarah here?"

Jim smiled, thrilled that he'd managed to pull this off. "Well, she's on vacation too, and she'd mentioned that she was planning to be here for a week, meet up with some family and friends and do Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure – turns out our days overlapped by a couple, so I asked her if she'd mind coming to us for a few hours so she and Jo can have some girl time…and we can hit a park for a bit." The smile on his face faltered slightly when Leonard didn't respond right away. "That – that's okay, isn't it? I asked Jo and…mmph-" Leonard cut him off by stepping up to him and kissing him, gently holding his face between his hands. He pulled back and smiled.

"You're amazing, you know that?" He said. "How did you manage to get Jo to keep it a secret?"

Jim smiled and shrugged, pleased at the success of the surprise. They stepped apart slightly when the girls came back in the living room.

"Sarah, thank you so much for taking time out from your vacation to spend some time with Jo," Leonard said.

"Oh, no problem Mr. McCoy. I'm always happy to spend time with Joanna," Sarah said. "We're going to have a lot of fun swimming, maybe take a hula class, and I think there's a beach party for the kids tonight…right Jim?" she asked, looking at Jim for confirmation. He nodded, having chosen tonight because there was so much to do here, knowing that Leonard wouldn't feel comfortable having a good time separate from his daughter if she wasn't having fun, too, and certain that he wouldn't want them to leave the hotel either.

"Yeah," Jim said. "And guess who's going to be there?"

"Who?" Joanna asked, wide-eyed.

"Lilo and Stitch!"

"Oh, yea! I don't have them yet! Sarah…want to see my autograph book? I have so many autographs, and tonight we can get them too!"

Leonard smiled at his little girl's excitement. The autograph book was his idea, as an attempt to get Jo to interact with the characters they saw, and it worked like a charm. At first, when a character came over to her, she'd shrink back and hide behind her father's legs, pressing her face against the back of his thigh. But when given the autograph book, and the challenge to get as many characters to sign as possible, Joanna had become more daring. Now she had quite the collection…everyone from Mickey and Minnie to the princesses to Rafiki and Simba.

"That's so cool, Jo! Let me just talk to your dad and Jim for a minute, okay? Why don't you go put on your bathing suit?" Sarah said, gently tugging on one of her pigtails.

"Okay!" Joanna said, and ran off to her room. Sarah turned to them.

"So," Jim said. "I thought we'd take the car so we can get around quicker. He paused as Leonard nodded, on board with that idea. "And I think we'll be home around eleven-ish, if that's not too late?"

"Nope, that's fine," Sarah said. "Even a little later would be okay. I drove myself, so it doesn't really matter to me."

Leonard frowned, worried about the idea of Sarah driving around Orlando by herself. Universal Studios was just a few exits up I-4, but this was an unfamiliar area.

"You could stay tonight, if you wanted to, Sarah. This couch is a pull-out," Leonard offered, but Sarah was shaking her head.

"No thank you…I'm going to be meeting up with some friends at City Walk. You guys take your time, and have fun!"

A short while later, Sarah and Joanna were on their way to the pool, and Jim and Leonard were waiting for the rental car to be brought to them at the front of the hotel.

"So, what's the plan, Jim?" Leonard asked as they slid into the car, Jim driving.

"Well, I thought we'd take that walk around the world at Epcot, and then I made reservations for us at Jiko's, an African restaurant in the Animal Kingdom Lodge…all the reviews say it's awesome…and we can check out what the hotel itself is like," Jim said. "You know…for next time."

Leonard smiled and squeezed Jim's knee.

"That sounds absolutely fantastic, Jim. Do we have the time to add one more thing?" Leonard asked. Jim looked over at him and shrugged.

"Sure, Bones. We can do anything you want. Our dinner reservation isn't until nine…it was the only thing they had open…so we've got a good five hours."

"I'd like to go back to the Magic Kingdom first. There's one ride I want to do that we weren't able to." Jim glanced at Bones out of the corner of his eye, a slightly puzzled expression on his face, but nodded and followed the signs that led to the Magic Kingdom instead of Epcot. Bones hadn't expressed any real interest in any of the rides, excited about them only because Joanna was. He, on the other hand, had several rides on his to-do list…saved for when the munchkin was taller.

"Which one?" Jim asked, curious to know what had piqued Leonard's interest. He declined to answer, though, and it wasn't until they were in the Magic Kingdom, headed to Tomorrowland, that it clicked.

"We're going on Space Mountain!" Jim exclaimed. "This is the one ride I've  _always_  wanted to do! I didn't know…" he trailed off, taking in the expression on Leonard's face. "This is just for me, isn't it? How did you know?"

Leonard slung an arm around his shoulders to give him a quick hug as they took their place in (a thankfully relatively short 30-minute) line and looked at him fondly.

"When we were waiting in line for the Barn Stormer you couldn't take your eyes off this building," Leonard said. It was dark inside the building, designed to look like a space station, and no one was paying them any attention as the line slowly moved forward. Jim slipped an arm around Leonard's wait, and leaned against his side, a smile on his face and feeling so lucky and content. They rode Space Mountain twice – and though Leonard really found it quite frightening, Jim's obvious excitement and whoops of joy as the cars hurtled down the tracks made it completely worth it.

 

* * *

 

"So how do you think we should tell Jo?" Jim asked, leaning close to Bones over the table for two. They were enjoying a quiet dinner, sharing the meals they ordered…Jim the steak and Leonard the halibut…and were thoroughly enjoying everything about their experience at Jiko. It was a beautifully decorated restaurant, with a quiet, romantic atmosphere. Their server was knowledgeable, polite and efficient, and the food was delicious.

"Well, I don't think we should make too big a deal out of it. I can't imagine she's going to have any problem with the idea…she loves you, and you two get along so well," Leonard said. He looked up at Jim, studying the expression on his face. "Why? Are you worried?"

Jim shrugged and kept his eyes on his plate.

"No, not really," he said. "I just don't want…" he stopped and glanced up at Leonard, and Leonard understood. He pressed his lips together and reached to take Jim's hand.

"Listen to me, Jim. We've been together for nearly six months. You've become a part of our lives – and we are…I am…better because of it. Jo loves you. I love you. And I _know_  you love us…both of us." He paused, holding Jim's gaze steadily, trying to make sure Jim was really hearing him. "I don't think she's going to have a hard time adjusting to the idea of you living with us. But she's always been a little more perceptive and sensitive about things, especially when it comes to families, and if she does, we'll deal with it together, okay?"

Jim smiled and squeezed his hand, grateful that Bones had understood his concern without making him spell it out.

At the beginning of this relationship, way back when they had that first date and Leonard was too nervous to even look him in the eye, Jim had known that if Joanna didn't accept him, then he really wouldn't have a chance. It was just difficult to believe that they were beyond that point now. That he had a secure, and apparently permanent, relationship with both of them…and more amazingly, that he actually, really  _wanted_  that. Still.

But he did. More than he'd ever wanted anything when it came to sharing his life with someone else. Despite the fact that it was counterintuitive to everything else he'd felt or known in his previous relationships. And that was still pretty damn scary if he thought about it hard enough.

Leonard watched the play of emotions across Jim's face, and frowned slightly. Jim had seemed genuinely excited and happy at the prospect of moving in with them, but maybe he was having second thoughts about it, and just didn't know how to broach the subject. "You look like you're got something on your mind Jim," he said. "You know you can tell me whatever you want, right? If…if you're not sure about moving in, if you think it's too fast…"

"No…no, Bones. That's not it at all. I-" he cut himself off, looking up at the server with a polite smile as she came over to their table.

"How was everything, gentlemen?" she asked, picking up the two empty plates.

"Hated it," Jim deadpanned, and Leonard chuckled.

"Obviously," he agreed.

The server smiled and played along.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to try harder next time," she said with a defeated sigh. "We have a selection of freshly made desserts, excellent coffees and teas, and a wide variety of after-dinner drinks. Would you like to see a menu?"

Leonard glanced at his watch. They were still had some time. "Yes, please," he said, answering for both of them. She brought them a menu and they made their selections.

"I'm not having second thoughts about us moving in together," Jim said, picking up the thread from before the server came over. "It's just still so…I don't know…" he paused, looking for the right words. Leonard waited patiently. "I guess I just feel like I should ask someone to pinch me," he said.

Leonard nodded.

"I know exactly what you mean," he said.

 

* * *

 

The next day everyone got up early and headed down to the cafeteria-style restaurant for a quick breakfast. They had some packing to do, and Joanna wanted to go to the pool one more time. They decided that Leonard would take her, since he'd not been to the pool yet, and Jim would finish the packing that had been started the day before.

The trip had been a success…for everyone. Leonard's presentation was so well-accepted by the attendees at the conference that he'd been asked to make his findings and write-up available for wider review, something that he was going to start working on when they got back to San Francisco. Joanna's autograph book was almost full. She'd managed to collect eighteen character signatures, and she'd had so much fun she decided to wanted to write it down in a story that she could share with Janie and Kim. Jim took her to the hotel gift shop and bought her a notebook so she could start working on it during the flight home. And Jim…Jim had never felt so much like he _belonged_  with them. That he was a part of their trip not as the fun uncle, or the friend tagging along, but as a member of the family, taking part in a family trip.

"You ready to head home Baby?" Leonard asked, looking at her in the rearview mirror, as he pulled the car away from the hotel for the last time.

"I guess," she said. "Can we come back some day? And can Janie come with us? I think she would have fun with me here." Leonard and Jim glanced at each other with a smile.

"I'm pretty sure we can arrange another trip. Maybe next summer…you'll both be taller then, and able to ride some of the rollercoasters," Jim said, turning in his seat to look at her. "How's that sound?"

"Good!" she said. "I can't wait!"

"Me either," Jim answered.

Silently, happily, Leonard agreed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Joanna get ready for the new school year; Leonard and Jim make their announcement to Sam and Aurelan, and talk about what this change means to Jo.

Jim sat silently and still, not wanting to do anything that might distract Joanna. She was working her way through a three-page story, her lips moving slightly as she read silently. Jim's eyes flicked to his wristwatch that he'd laid on the table for easy viewing. She was being timed, but he didn't announce that fact to her, knowing that children sometimes get too distracted with racing the clock, lessening the accuracy of the evaluation. He smiled slightly at the expression of intense concentration on her face. She looked a lot like Bones…the same furrow between her brows that her father got when he was very focused on something. A few moments later, she looked up at him with a smile.

"I'm done!" she announced, closing the booklet and looking up at Jim expectantly. He nodded and made a quick note on the form in front of him before looking up at her.

"Very good, Jo. Let's talk about what you read for a couple of minutes, okay?"

Joanna nodded and he continued with the assessment, making taking a few notes as they talked. They had been working for almost an hour, the first thirty minutes spent on math and this second half spent on reading ability, comprehension and writing. Now, as they neared the end of the formal assessment, Jim engaged her in a conversation about the characters in the story, the story line, asked her to extrapolate possible conclusions and give support for her answers with details from what she read, without looking back at the story.

Leonard's idea for Jim to do this official assessment of Joanna had been a good one. He didn't think she would have been able to work as well with another teacher at the school, especially the way this assessment was structured. It required a back-and-forth with the student in question, evaluating not only their ability to perform mathematical equations, read, and answer questions, but the ability to communicate ideas and verbally manipulate information. If they'd put Jo with another teacher, she'd probably do fine at the written parts, but that would give them only a partial picture. So that's what they were doing today. With school starting again in just over a week, Jim wanted to get Jo's results to her first grade teacher before the year started, and make sure they had a chance to talk.

The school's guidance counselor, Elizabeth Dehner, had expressed concern about Jim being the one to work with her, worried that he may inadvertently give her an advantage. But there was a reason Jim had asked Nyota about it first, before informing Dehner; because while she was good at her job, she was also very by-the-book. Jim was all for throwing the book out the window when the situation called for it, and Nyota was savvy enough to recognize when the situation called for it. Not really happy with being overruled by Nyota, Dehner had insisted that she observe the assessment process, to satisfy her concern, and to also go over Jim's results. Nyota also knew how to choose her battles, and while it rankled Jim to know that he and Joanna were being observed from and listened to from the other side of the one-way window, and that his results were going to be evaluated for "inconsistencies," he figured as far as compromises went, this wasn't a bad one. He knew that she could go over his report with a fine-toothed comb, and there wouldn't be anything questionable, so she may as well have at it.

"Okay, Joanna-banana…and we're done!" he said, closing his book and smiling at her.

"That was pretty fun!" she said, pushing he chair back and standing up.

"Yeah?" he said, reaching out to gently push strands of hair that escaped her ponytail behind her ear. "What was your favorite part?"

"Um…I liked the last story. And I liked figuring out the numbers. Did I get a good grade?"

Jim looked at her as he gathered the materials they'd used, slightly surprised. Neither he nor Leonard had given her any real information about the assessment, and had certainly not told her that she was being formally evaluated, something that they recommended to all parents. There was no reason to give children information like that, and run the risk of triggering test anxiety. They just said it was an activity to see what she liked and what she didn't, and all she had to do was her best…simple as that.

"Well, it wasn't really a test with grades, Jo. I just wanted to see what you liked best about math and reading," Jim replied. "Okay?"

"Okay," she said shrugging, completely unperturbed. "Are we going home soon?"

"Pretty soon. About 10 minutes…do you want to draw on the board until we go?"

"Sure!" she replied, pushing away from the table to head to the chalk board.

Jim smiled to himself as quickly expanded on some of his short-hand notes, not wanting to forget what he'd been trying to convey while they were talking. He needed some time to go over everything, assign values to the quality of her work and the way she processed ideas, but his initial opinion was really no different from what he already knew. Joanna was an extremely intelligent little girl with a highly-developed number sense and an advanced ability to reason in an abstract manner. Now they just had it down on paper. It would be good to be able to hand that to her new teacher, in the event that Jo had a hard time adjusting to the new classroom, so that her inability to express herself wasn't mistaken for an academic issue. And, it was something they could use later, if a switch in schools or educational plans became necessary.

Jim was very pleased with the teacher Joanna was going to have for this year. While both first grade teachers were experienced, well-liked and effective, Jim felt Christine Chapel was especially well-suited to work with Joanna. She had an undeniable talent for nurturing the individual abilities of the students in her class. She also had a daughter a few years older than Joanna with a moderate case of Asperger's Syndrome, and while Joanna did not have that challenge, Christine was uniquely qualified in dealing with children who have a hard time connecting with others. She had already met Joanna and Bones at the open house, and while that initial meeting had gone pretty much par for the course as far as Joanna was concerned, Bones came away impressed and relieved.

Just as Jim was finishing up, the door to his classroom opened.

"Hello Mr. Kirk," Elizabeth Dehner said as she entered his classroom. Checking a sigh, he turned to her, noting that Joanna kept her attention firmly on the pictures she was drawing on his board. "Hi Joanna. How are you?" she said, voice friendly.

"I'm good, thank you," she replied politely, though she didn't stop what she was doing or turn away from the board to face her.

"Hi Liz," Jim said with a smile that grew wider as her eyes flicked to Joanna and her lips tightened. He knew it was juvenile, purposely pushing her buttons like this, but it was just too easy, and it was harmless.

"I'd like to see your notes, please," she said. Jim managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes in annoyance, barely, as Joanna looked over her shoulder at them.

"I need a day or so to flesh them out," he replied, keeping his tone even and light. "But I'll have them for you on Monday." He stood, forcing her to take a small step back. "Jo and I are just about to head out, but it was good to see you."

He held her gaze as she very obviously weighed whether or not to argue with him over this. Jim Kirk was a constant pain in her neck. Apparently, he thought that having an extra academic degree made him more qualified than her 19 years of experience. Unfortunately, their principal was under the same misapprehension, and Elizabeth just knew the day Uhura was appointed by the board that she would receive no support from the administration. So far, that had turned out to be true, and she had no doubt that would hold for this situation with the girl…the child of Kirk's current boyfriend, if what she's been hearing is correct. The situation was so obviously inflammatory…she could hardly believe Uhura was allowing it.

"Fine. Monday morning, please," she said finally.

Jim smiled tightly, unable to completely quell the irritation he felt, sure that she could see it in his eyes and not particularly worried about it. Politics and diplomacy weren't his strong points.

"Of course," he said. "First thing."

Elizabeth nodded and shifted her attention to Joanna.

"Goodbye Joanna. Have a good weekend," she said, lightening her voice quite a bit.

Jim watched as Jo glanced at her over her shoulder, and knew that Dehner could make her voice sound as friendly as Minnie Mouse, and it wouldn't matter now. She didn't seem to understand that just because you weren't addressing a child directly didn't mean the child wasn't listening.

"Thank you," she said quietly, turning back to the board.

"Jo, why don't you erase the board for me, and go ahead and put the chalk back in the container, so we can get going, okay?" Jim said, giving Dehner a big clue.

"See you Monday, Mr. Kirk," she said, obviously getting it, and with that, she headed out of the classroom. Joanna didn't turn around until she heard the door to his classroom close.

"I don't like her," Joanna said, coming back over to the table. "She's not very nice."

"Nah," Jim said, picking her up and holding her at his eyelevel. "She's very nice to kids." He chuckled at the look she gave him...so like her father. "Really," he insisted, shifting her slightly in his arms to take some of the pressure off of his shoulder. "Sometimes she could be a little nicer to adults…but Ms. Dehner is very nice to kids."

"Do I have to see her on Monday?" Joanna asked, reaching out to pull Jim's glasses off him. He let her, having forgotten he was even wearing them. He crossed his eyes, making her giggle.

"Nope, you don't have to come back here until school starts," he replied. "Do you remember when that is?"

Joanna nodded.

"Not this Monday after this weekend, but the next one," she said.

Jim nodded.

"That's right! Are you excited?" he asked.

Joanna unfolded his glasses and put them back on, settling them crookedly on his nose. She shrugged and bit her lip.

"I wish I could be in your class. I'm going to miss Samantha," she said.

Jim smiled at her, knowing what the real problem was, and that Samantha was just a convenient excuse.

"Well," he said, gently setting her back on her feet, ignoring an uncomfortable twinge and click in his shoulder. "You can come see her every morning and every afternoon, and you can take her home on weekends and days off…okay?"

"I guess so," Joanna said. She looked up at Jim. "Are you taking me home now?"

He ruffled her hair and grabbed his bag.

"We have one stop to make first…your dad asked me to pick up some things from the supermarket." He held his hand out to her that she took unhesitatingly and he led her out of the room, flipping the lights off. "You're going to help me find all the right things, right?"

"Right!"

"Awesome."

 

* * *

 

"Leonard," Sam said, as he followed him into the kitchen. "Can I do anything to help you?" He looked around at what Leonard had on the counters and on the stove, and set his beer down on the breakfast table. Leonard looked over his shoulder at him with a smile as he finished rinsing a couple of dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

"Nah, I think I'm pretty well set…just want to get the worst of it cleared away. The girls doin' okay?" Leonard asked, grabbing another pot and letting it fill with water and soap to soak for a bit. Sam nodded, leaning on the counter near the fridge.

"Yeah. Cathy read them a couple of books, and she said Joanna was almost asleep before she was even finished. I wish Janie went to bed that easily."

Leonard smirked. "Trust me…that is not usually the case…but running around with Janie and Kim seems to do the trick for her. You want anything? Another beer?"

Sam shook his head and eyeing Leonard speculatively. There was a reason he and Jim had invited them to dinner tonight – and made it clear that this was an adults' dinner only…they had news to share. Consequently, the girls were having a sleepover at his house with their sitter Cathy.

Their news wasn't necessarily news that was a huge surprise, but it did touch off some concerns. And now, Sam was wondering how much he should say. He had no doubt about his right to say it…he was the older brother, and he'd always looked out for Jim the best he could, but there was the matter of what was acceptable…and what was pushing it.

Jim was moving in with Leonard and Joanna.

Aurelan reacted instantly, happy for them, asking Jim if he needed help packing – and basically being the loving, sensitive, accepting, caring woman Sam fell in love with. He was happy for them, too…happy that Jim seemed to have found someone who was a good match for him, but he was also a little…concerned. He kept it to himself, resolving to wait for a better time than around the dinner table to voice his reservations, smiling and asking when they were planning to do this. Despite his best effort, though, he was fairly certain he didn't do a very good job of hiding what he was feeling. And now, Sam thought, might be the best time for he and Leonard to talk.

Earlier, Jim had hooked up his digital camera to the tv, and now he and Aurelan were looking at the pictures from their Disney trip. He could hear Jim explaining them as they scrolled through the shots and Aurelan's light, happy exclamations at what she was seeing. They were occupied, and he and Leonard could talk privately.

"Leonard," he said, crossing his arms over himself. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Leonard sighed slightly, the sound of the running water in the sink covering for him. He'd wondered when this was going to happen…he'd seen the look on Sam's face when Jim announced he was moving in. And while he may not be a psychologist, he  _was_  very familiar with the desire to protect, and he recognized what he saw in the older brother's expression. Turning off the water, he turned to Sam, drying his hands on a dishtowel.

"Sure," he said. He nodded toward the back door. "Want to go outside?"

Sam inclined his head and Leonard led them out. Summer here was very different from summer in Florida, and after the heat and constant humidity, it felt especially nice out now. Leonard settled himself in one of the lawn chairs left out earlier and Sam lounged on the bench. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, each wondering if the other was going to start the conversation. Leonard stretched out his legs and laced his fingers behind his head.

"Somethin' on your mind, Sam?" Leonard asked. If they were going to talk about what Sam didn't say earlier, they may as well get to it.

"I think you already know what I want to say," Sam said mildly.

Leonard shrugged, keeping his eyes on the sky.

"I saw the way you reacted at the table, Sam. And I do know a bit about wanting to keep someone safe." Sam sighed, relieved that Leonard seemed to at least understand where he was coming from.

"I just…I want to make sure you understand how much this means to him – how much  _you_  mean to him. Because, Leonard, I know you're always going to put your daughter first…and it should be that way…it has to be that way. But I've watched Jim deal with being different since he was old enough to have an inkling of what it meant. I don't know what your history is, and it's not my business, but this life you're choosing with Jim, it's not easy. And Joanna's probably going to be at the receiving end of some ugliness somewhere down the line because of the two of you. And I want to make sure that you understand that even if that happens, and even though you have to put Joanna first, if you and Jim are going to do this, you have to find a way to put him first too. Because that's what he's going to do for you and your daughter…and my brother deserves  _nothing_ less. I don't want him to get hurt, Leonard."

Leonard listened quietly, letting Sam say his piece. He was actually quite impressed with Sam, and how vehemently he was standing up for his brother. Leonard was an only child, and never had the benefit of a sibling looking out for him, or having the opportunity to look out for someone else. He didn't think he'd really been missing much, but now, he wasn't so sure. Now, after seeing through an adult's eyes what he was missing, he almost wished Joanna would have the same opportunity. She did have Janie and Kim, though, and "cousins" was going to have to do.

"I love him, Sam," Leonard said. "I've never loved anyone…not even Jo's mama…the way I love him. And I'm gonna be honest with you here…I have no idea what it means to love someone the way I love Jim. Everything about it, about having him in my life, is a surprise. And most of the time those surprises are great. But yeah, sometimes the surprises come in the form of a challenge – I expect that. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change how I feel about him. You're right…you don't know my history. You have no idea how much it means to me to have Jim in my life, when for  _years_  I truly believed I would always only have Joanna. He…Sam, he saved me. I will  _never_  do anything to hurt him. Because I love him." Leonard stopped, feeling uncomfortably flushed – he really wasn't very good at this kinda thing with other people. With Jim was one thing…but talking about feelings with anyone else made him uncomfortable. But he wanted Sam to understand, and he looked over at him, trying to gauge his reaction. Sam was quiet for a moment, letting Leonard's words sink in. That was actually exactly what he was looking for.

"Well, okay then," Sam said.

Leonard sighed and relaxed slightly, glad for the acceptance. The last thing he wanted was to cause strife between the brothers.

"Okay."

 

* * *

 

Jim and Aurelan wandered into the kitchen, wondering what Sam and Leonard were up to. It was late, and they were both tired. Also, the prospect of not having kids in the house made Jim look forward to getting Bones alone. They could actually sleep in tomorrow morning. Or whatever. The smile Jim had been wearing slowly slid off his face as he caught sight of Bones and Sam.

"Uh, Aurelan…" Jim said, looking out the window over the sink. She walked over to him, peering out into the darkness. She could just make out the outline of the two men by a lamppost on the path. "What do you think they're talking about?"

She threw a glance at Jim.

"C'mon…you really have no idea?" she said, gently bumping his side with her body.

Jim grimaced and rolled his eyes. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the fact that his brother cared about and wanted to look out for him…but he wasn't a child anymore. Aurelan smiled at the expression on his face.

"You could be 76, Jim, and you'd still be his little brother."

Jim sighed, conceding the point. He looked around the kitchen. Bones had done most of the clean up…there were just some leftovers that needed to be put away. Jim glanced out the window again, wondering if he should go out there.

"Jim," Aurelan said, correctly reading the possibility of intent in his expression. "Help me put this food away. Where does Leonard keep his Tupperware?"

Rolling his eyes at his sister in law, he moved to the cabinet that held the items she wanted and pulled a couple down.

"How come you're allowed to be all nosy and get in my business, but I can't go stick myself in business that actually concerns me?" Jim asked.

Aurelan looked up at him, a small smile on her face.

"Because, Jim-dear, you're not a girl. It's one of the privileges," she said. Jim rolled his eyes and snorted. "You guys have anything for dessert?"

"Um…" Jim pulled open the freezer. "Ice cream?"

"Perfect."

Sam and Leonard found Aurelan and Jim a few minutes later, Aurelan curled up on the couch, Jim on the floor, with bowls of ice cream, watching a rerun of The Office.

"Hey babe," Sam said, leaning down to kiss Aurelan. He settled himself next to her, and she leaned into his side tucking her feet under her. Leonard took the other end, of the couch, and Jim pressed against his legs, resting his head on his knee. Leonard absently drew his fingers through Jim's hair, and they finished watching the show.

 

* * *

 

"So what were you and Sam talking about?" Jim asked as they were getting ready for bed a while later.

Leonard paused, floss in hand, and looked over at Jim as he tossed his chocolate ice-cream stained shirt in the hamper.

"What do you think we were talking about, Jim?" Leonard responded. "He was just being a big brother…looking out for you. Reminding me how lucky I am…not that I don't already know that," he said with a smile that Jim returned. He went back to flossing, finishing quickly and heading out of the bathroom. Jim followed him out, turning off lights as he went. Leonard pulled the blankets back on the bed and lay down. Jim joined him, sighing happily as he relaxed on the mattress.

"But what did you say to him?" Jim asked when they were lying together comfortably.

Leonard wrapped his arm around Jim and drew him close.

"That I love you," he said.

Jim smiled and kissed him softly.

"Mmm…I love you too." Jim said.

Leonard lips quirked upward, eyes traveling over Jim's face.

"And I told him that you saved me." Jim pulled back slightly and looked at Leonard, eyes a little puzzled.

"Saved you?" he repeated, the question obvious.

Leonard nodded and Jim chuckled quietly.

"What's funny?" Leonard asked, gently tracing Jim's lips.

"I told him the same thing about you…a while ago…that you saved me," Jim replied.

Leonard smiled and kissed him, hand cupping his face.

"That must be why we're such a good match," Jim said when Leonard pulled away to breathe. "We saved each other."

Leonard made a sound of assent and shifted slightly, adjusting the way he was resting against Jim's side so as to not put extra pressure on his shoulder.

"So…we've told Sam and Aurelan. We've negotiated an exit on your lease…which is still too much, in my opinion…we still need to tell Jo," Leonard said. "Just wondering when you want to get to that. Cause I have a feeling she'll notice when we start movimg your things in here."

Jim sighed and shifted, turning so he was lying on his side, knees slightly drawn up. Leonard mirrored his position, so they were facing each other, barely a twelve inches between them. Jim kept his eyes down, and Leonard waited patiently, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on Jim's hands, clasped between them.

Jim felt himself flush as he avoided looking up at Bones. It was true, he had been putting off telling Jo...and so far Bones had let it go. First it was "let's make sure I can even break the lease." Then it was "I want to do her assessment before telling her." His last stall tactic was, "I want to tell my brother first." Leonard had agreed to all of them, seeing the logic, even as he saw the stall tactic. But as of tonight, the last condition was met, and he was going to start moving his things in Monday, with the idea that they'd do it slowly over the course of the last week of summer, so that by Friday he'd be completely out of his own place. After a couple of minutes, Leonard squeezed his hands and leaned in to kiss him, hating that Jim was concerned about something that should be nothing but good, and concerned that he was either reluctant to talk about it, or worse, unable to put whatever it was into words.

"What are you worried about, Jim?" Leonard asked softly, trying to project calm acceptance, wanting Jim to know he could tell him anything…that he could be for Jim what Jim was for him. "I'm so thrilled that you're moving in…and I think you are too…"

Jim looked up at that, a small smile on his face. "Yeah, Bones…I am. I really am so happy about it and I can't wait. I love you so much." He paused and glanced away again. "I guess I…I mean, she likes me well enough now, because I'm not always here. But what if she ends up resenting me taking a place in your life?" he asked, his voice sounding a lot smaller to than usual. "What if…what if she doesn't want me as anything other than a friend to have around on weekends? And…and what do  _you_  want me to be to her? What am I supposed to be to her?"

Leonard furrowed his brows together, listening to Jim question his place in Jo's life, in their family, hearing that note of self-doubt that was rare enough that it still managed to surprise Leonard. Knowing how he grew up, though, gave him not necessarily an understanding of where Jim was coming from, but an appreciation for it. Leonard stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about the best way to handle this. He knew what a big step this was for Jim, and he didn't want to make light of his concerns – not that they were small concerns anyway. He just kinda thought Jim was much more concerned than the situation called for.

"Okay…first of all…you've been so much more to us than someone who just hangs around on the weekends, Jim. You have dinner with us, you've brought Jo home from school at least as many times I have. You sleep here more nights than not during the week. And, most importantly, when you're not around, Jo wants to know where 'Uncle Jim' is. You are _always_  here, and Jo wants that.  _I_  want that. And I think you've been in our lives long enough that she is not going to resent you having a place in my life. I don't think she's thinking that way anymore. I think she thinks you are her's as much as you are mine." Leonard paused and looked at him with such compassion and love, it left Jim breathless. And, god, did he like the sound of being described like that.

 _Belonging_ , in the most powerful way.

"And you be to Joanna exactly what you already are. You don't have to change anything. Love her, put her in her place if she deserves it, be someone else she has to turn to and learn from and…and grow up with. Be exactly who you are. And…if something comes up, if Jo has a hard time with something, we'll handle it together."

Jim felt something relax inside him, hearing how certain Bones was of all of this; of him, of Jo, of their relationship to each other. Bones made it sound so simple…and it was, really.

He was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an additional h/c short, one-shot that takes place between Chapters 10 and 11, entitled "03 - Peace and Rest and Comfort in Sorrow"", and it is available on this site. In it, Jim has a bad dream, Leonard is there to keep it at bay.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard have a talk with Joanna about families, work on moving Jim out of his apartment, and then Leonard and Jim discuss his upcoming doctor's appointment.

"Daddy, put some on my hand," Joanna said, patting his elbow. Leonard glanced down at her, pausing as he spread shaving cream over his face. Joanna was sitting on the counter in just her underwear, having wandered in his bathroom, distracted from getting dressed and looking for her father. She held her hand out expectantly and he obliged, wiping his foam-covered palm along her fingers.

"Make sure you keep your mouth closed…it tastes really yucky," Leonard said. "And try not to get it in your hair." Little good the warning would do, he knew, but he had to try.

"Okay," she replied, turning to look at herself in the mirror. He met her reflection's eyes and smiled as she spread the shaving cream over her cheeks and chin. When Leonard was ready, he turned on the tap and rinsed his razor. "Daddy, what am I going to use?" she mumbled, barely moving her lips so as to keep the foam off of them. Leonard looked around and picked up a comb.

"Use this side," he said, tapping the smooth edge. "And rinse it off when you get a lot of foam on it."

She nodded, and copied his movements, rinsing her comb when he held the razor under the water. Movement in the doorway caught his eye, and he smiled at Jim in the mirror as he watched them, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorjamb, a smile on his face.

"Uncle Jim, look at me!" Joanna exclaimed, catching sight of him. "I'm just like Daddy."

Jim nodded and moved fully into the bathroom, coming to stand behind her.

"I see…you're doing a real good job Jo! Got a little in your hair…" he gently gathered her hair, pulling it back and holding it out of her way. Looking around, he opened the top drawer and found one of her ponytail holders, using it to secure her hair out of the way.

"Guess what I made for breakfast," Jim said, steadying her with a hand on her hip as she rinsed her comb again.

"Umm…cereal?" Joanna guessed. She rinsed the comb off again and brought it back to her face, dripping water down her chest and legs, and all over the counter.

"Cereal? No…I didn't make cereal. I cooked you something!" Jim said.

"What?" Joanna asked, absently wiping at the water and foam dripping down her neck.

"Okay, Jo…finish up. I'm done," Leonard said.

"'Kay, I'm done." She dropped the comb on the counter and turned to Jim, letting her legs dangle off the counter.

Jim pulled a towel off the rack and wiped her face of the remaining foam and dried her body off as Leonard rinsed the sink and finished what he was doing, patting on some aftershave. He glanced over at Jim and Joanna, a smile on his face, loving the way they interacted. So completely naturally, as if they'd always known each other.

"What'd you make, Uncle Jim?"

"Scrambled eggs, toast, and cheesy grits!" he said. He expected a good reception to that news…that, aside from pancakes, was Jo's favorite breakfast. Instead he got a skeptical look that rivaled Bones'. Leonard looked between Jim and Joanna and chuckled.

"What?" Jim asked. "I didn't know what I was doing the first time I made them. How was I supposed to know it would stick together like that?" Jim asked. He was referring to his first attempt at making the Southern breakfast food, which he was wholly unfamiliar with. Too little liquid and not enough stirring had resulted in a pasty texture that had to be thrown out. But Bones had walked him through the recipe, and this try looked and tasted just like the ones Bones made. Or, well…almost, anyway. Joanna giggled and held out her arms. Leonard lifted her down. "Will you at least try them?" Jim asked.

"Of course, Jim. We'll eat them. I bet they're delicious and perfect this time. Right, Jo?"

"Umm, right," she reluctantly agreed. "Can I eat like this?" she asked, skipping into the bedroom.

Jim chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

"Darlin', you can't just sit around in your underwear, silly," Leonard said. "Go get dressed in the clothes I put out, and come eat. And don't take too long, okay?"

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Joanna rolled her eyes with the skill of her father.

"Fine," she said. She went to her room, closing the door behind her and Leonard looked over at Jim.

"Scrambled eggs and cheesy grits, huh?"

"They're good, Bones, I swear. I tried them first."

Leonard smiled and drew Jim into a hug that he returned, his arms slipping around Leonard's waist.

"I can't wait to try them," Leonard said. He paused, holding on to Jim. "We're telling Jo this morning, right?" he asked.

Jim lifted his head off Leonard's shoulder and kissed him, smiling a little when he pulled back.

"Yeah," Jim said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. Leonard didn't say anything, but the gentle look in his eyes let Jim know that he knew Jim wasn't quite feeling the confidence that he was doing his best to project. Leonard didn't say anything, but kissed Jim again, conveying as much comfort as if he'd said it aloud.

Joanna joined them in the kitchen moments later, dressed in a Tinkerbell shirt that was a memento from their Disney trip and a pair of shorts. The shirt was predominately a soft green, and it brought that color out in her eyes. She'd pulled the elastic out of her hair, releasing the temporary ponytail, and it fell in soft, dark waves around her face. Jim was struck again by the similarities between father and daughter, and tried to imagine what she would look like as a ten-year-old, and then a teenager. He could hardly believe he was going to have a chance to find out.

 _God, I hope this goes okay,_  Jim thought. He served them and they sat around the table, enjoying the breakfast.

"Good grits Uncle Jim!" Joanna proclaimed, after taking the first hesitant bite, and Jim gave a triumphant fist-pump, spoon clenched in one hand.

"Yes! I am redeemed!" he exclaimed. "What do you think Bones?"

Under the watchful eye of the two of them, Leonard took an exaggerated bite, making a show of it.

"Nearly as good as mine," he announced, a teasing smile curling his lips. "Not bad for a city boy."

Jim rolled his eyes and waved him off.

"Whatever. Miss Joanna says they're good, and hers the opinion that matters," Jim said. Joanna smiled around a mouthful of scrambled eggs and Jim wrinkled his nose. "Okay, but that's gross."

Jo giggled and swallowed.

"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all.

As they finished their breakfast, Leonard caught Jim's eyes and raised his brows slightly, setting his coffee cup down. Jim knew what he was asking…who was going to start the conversation? Jim swallowed, forcing a bite of toast and eggs down, glad it was the last as his stomach tightened with nerves. Leonard got up and cleared their plates, leaving them in the sink with the pan. He rejoined them at the table, giving Jim an encouraging smile.

"So…Joanna. We, uh, we have something we want to tell you," Jim said.

Joanna focused on them, swinging her feet back and forth.

"A surprise?" she asked.

"Well, it's news, Jo. Not really a surprise," Leonard answered quickly, not wanting her to be expecting something akin to the announcement about going to Disney.

"What's the news?" she asked, looking between them.

Jim hesitated, and Leonard gave him a second to get started by pushing his chair back slightly.

"Come sit with me, Baby," he said. Jo slid off her chair and walked around to her father. He pulled her into his lap, and she settled sitting sideways against him, so he could see her face and she could see both of them. "Go ahead, Jim," Leonard said.

Jim took a breath and went for it.

"You know how much I like playing with you, and spending time with you," Jim said, pausing when Joanna nodded.

"You're my friend," Joanna said, and Jim smiled, warmed at the core by the simple, heartfelt description.

"Yes I am. And you know that I really like your Daddy, too."

"You're Daddy's best friend!" Joanna said. "Like Janie's my best friend."

Jim hesitated at that, eyes going to Leonard, unsure of how he wanted to handle explaining their actual relationship to her.

"Not quite, Darlin'. It's true that Jim's my best friend, but I also love him, and he loves me back," Leonard said.

"That's why you…kiss…like a mommy and daddy kiss…you're boyfriends," she said, wrinkling her nose and pulling her shoulders up slightly.

Leonard smiled and nodded.

"That's right. Because we love each other," Jim confirmed. "And because we love each other, and because I love you, I'm going to move in, and live with you and your dad…here." Jim said, finishing a little awkwardly.

Joanna sat quietly for a moment, looking between Jim and her father. Leonard could see that Jim was practically holding his breath, waiting for a reaction.

"What do you think about Jim living with us all the time, Jo?" Leonard prompted after a couple of seconds. She didn't look upset, but she didn't look all that happy either. She actually looked a little unsure, and he really wanted to know what she was thinking.

"He's going to live here all the time?" Joanna asked her father.

Leonard nodded.

"Yeah, Baby. Jim's going to live here all the time," he replied.

Joanna looked up at Jim, who smiled slightly, still nervous.

"But…I thought I was going to get a new mommy," Joanna said, obviously still trying to understand the relationship.

Leonard saw Jim's smile slip as he glanced away from her, and under the table, he gently squeezed Jim's knee. Jo didn't sound upset…she really just sounded confused. As far as Leonard was concerned, this was still a good conversation. But he was very used to the way Joanna thought and processed information. Jim didn't have that familiarity quite yet, and he was nervous to begin with.

"Did somebody at school tell you about getting a new mommy?" Leonard asked, wanting to know where she was coming from.

Joanna nodded.

"Well, sometimes that happens, but there are a lot of different types of families. Sometimes there will be a new mommy. Sometimes there will only be a daddy and a daughter, like we were – just you and me. And sometimes, a daddy meets someone else, like Jim."

"So, there are two daddies?" Joanna asked, looking back at Jim, a small frown on her face.

"Jim loves you and is going to play with you and be your friend, and you have to listen to him like you have to listen to me, and he'll be your Uncle Jim, and I'm your daddy, just like always. Does that sound okay?"

Joanna shrugged.

"I guess," she said. "But I never heard of there being two daddies who love each other like a mommy and daddy," she said, obviously still trying to understand the dynamic of their relationship, and not drawing the connecting line between "boyfriends" and the more permanent relationship.

Feeling a little better now that it was apparent to Jim that her hesitance wasn't about him specifically but about the situation in general, he reached out to gently squeeze her foot.

"It is different," Jim said. "But all that matters is that we love each other, we love you, and…"

"And I love you, and you," she said, pointing to each of them as she finished Jim's point.

"That's right, Baby. So, this week we're going to help Uncle Jim move in, okay? Want to help pack some boxes?"

"Okay – but I have a question," she said. Leonard nodded encouragingly. "Can I maybe have a little sister still, even if there's no mommy?" Joanna asked, looking at Jim.

His eyes widened comically at that. He opened and closed his mouth, really not sure how to respond, and looked to Leonard for help. He smiled and shook his head.

"For right now, there's not going to be a little brother or sister. It's just going to be you, me and Jim," Leonard answered simply, not feeling the need to get any further into that.

"Oh. Okay," Jo said. Then she visibly brightened. "How 'bout a puppy?"

 

* * *

 

Leonard downloaded the charts of a couple of new referrals to his study from the hospital's secure docket management system. Because there was a rolling entry, he typically had one to two ALS patients referred to him every couple of months. Immediately following his presentation at the Orlando Neurological Conference, several referrals were made by physicians who had heard him speak. This was a fantastic development, because the more people involved the more concrete his results. Today he had quite a few charts to go through, and he was going to actually meet with one of the patients and her adult daughter.

That was a bit unusual. Participants in his study were located throughout the country, and he typically didn't interact with the patients directly, working through the physicians who referred them. But this particular patient was local to the area, and her daughter had insisted that they meet. He really wasn't looking forward to this. After watching his father waste away to this disease, he found it difficult to hold onto that professional detachment that was imperative in situations like this. He had a feeling the patient's daughter was under the impression that there might be positive results for her mother as a result of the study, and that just wasn't the case right now. At this stage, he was really still just information gathering…cataloguing the breakdown of motorneurons and at which stage the damage can still be halted with safe doses of thalidomide. Very few patients were currently taking the doses of thalidomide, and though this patient was one of them, her deterioration was so far along that there was almost no chance that she would experience enough improvement to suspend the deterioration.

All of this had been very carefully explained several times, to both the patient and her daughter. He knew the patient understood, but Leonard could relate all to well to how the daughter was feeling…knew all about the urgent, compelling need to  _do something_  even in the face of overwhelmingly bad odds. So…he had a meeting with them, and he would do his best manage the daughter's expectations.

Reviewing the patient's chart, Leonard sighed and rubbed his eyes. This was really going to suck. Rebecca Sayer…only 52. Diagnosed 2 years ago. She was completely wheelchair bound, and was on total nursing care. Persistent dysphagia required a feeding tube be inserted three months ago, and over the last month her ability to talk had declined sharply. She was one of the late stage patients in the study, and Leonard knew she was close to needing to be put on a ventilator.

This was the hardest, worst part of this insidious disease...her body was shutting down, but her mind was still intact. Inside the shell of the late-stage ALS patient was a vital, intelligent woman who had written code for Google. And there still was nothing Leonard could do to really help her.

This was really going to suck.

Gathering himself behind the shield of "professional detachment" as best he could, Leonard headed out of his office and to the neurology wing of the hospital. Leaving early enough to not have to rush through the huge facility, he took a rather circuitous route, grateful for the time to go over what he wanted to discuss with them, and more personal things he could share with the daughter. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the older man trying to get his attention, and he started slightly when a hand fell on his shoulder from behind.

"Mark," Leonard said, when he turned. "I'm sorry…I was in another world."

"No problem," he said, falling into step beside him. "I'm glad I ran into you. So, you know that friend you asked me to see tomorrow? With the shoulder issue?" Leonard nodded.

"Yeah. We'll be there at two o'clock. And, hey, thanks again for fitting him in on such short notice."

Mark waved the thanks away.

"Happy to do it, but that's what I wanted to talk to you about. My office manager updated my calendar this morning, and she'd removed the appointment, with the note that the patient had cancelled without rescheduling."

Leonard stopped in his tracks, and Mark went a couple of steps beyond him before realizing it.

"What?" Leonard asked. "He  _cancelled_? What the hell?" Leonard muttered, annoyed that Jim would do something like that without at least letting him know. Especially since he knew there was no real reason for him to have cancelled the appointment.  _Not afraid of doctors…my ass_. Leonard caught up to Mark and they continued down the hallway.

"Do you still have that time slot available, Mark?"

"Yes…I told Lisa to hold the time…should I put him back on?"

"Please. Do you want me to call your office?"

"Nope, not necessary," he replied, pulling out a phone that looked much too slim to be anything of any use. "I can do it from here." They paused at an intersection of hallways, needing to go in different directions from there.

"Mark, thanks," Leonard said, shaking his hand firmly. "We'll be there. I owe you."

 

* * *

 

Jim sat back on his heels, capping the Sharpie he used to mark the box with his psychology textbooks. After breakfast, he and Joanna had headed to his place and started the task of figuring out what to bring and what to give away. It'd been a while since Jim had cleaned out his closet and drawers, so he was using this opportunity to separate the clothes he wanted to keep from the stuff he was going to donate, and he'd given Joanna the simple task of separating the pile of stuff to giveaway into types of clothing – jeans, pants, shorts, t-shirts, and so on – and put each of the smaller piles into garbage bags. He planned on taking a quick trip to Goodwill to drop off as much as he could later on.

He watched her work as she picked up and sorted item after item. They'd talked and joked at first, but she got quiet pretty quickly, and Jim couldn't help but worry. He wondered how much of what they discussed this morning was the cause for this less- gregarious version of the little girl. Bones had tried to assuage his concern the best he could, but Jim kept playing her comments over in his head. Though by the end of the conversation she'd seemed okay, it was obvious, to Jim at least, that Joanna was having a hard time understanding what was happening to her family.

As Jo stuffed the last few pieces of clothing into their correct bags, she turned to Jim, a smile on her face that made him smile back. She was being quiet, but her mood seemed to be pretty upbeat.

"I'm done!" she announced. "What else do we have to do?"

Jim looked around…they'd managed to finish quite a bit today. His bookcases were packed, clothes sorted, and he'd started to go through the storage closet that held bits and pieces acquired during the course of his life, most of it leftover from him mom's house in Iowa that was sold after she passed away.

There really wasn't all that much more to do…Jim had never been one to collect stuff for the sake of having it, and this apartment was really the first place he'd been settled without a roommate for longer than a semester or two of school since he left for college at eighteen. His life had been pretty free…of things, of people, of responsibility to anyone except for himself…and as a result he didn't have many material things he cared a whole lot about. Firmly quelling a little spike of panic… _Oh, shit…what the hell am I doing?_ …he turned to Joanna, who was looking at him expectantly.

"We worked so fast, I think we're done in here for today," he said. "Let's go get some lunch, and then we'll drop off the clothes that we're giving away. Sound good?"

Joanna nodded, pulling her flip-flops back on.

"I'm hungry," she said. "Where are we going to eat?"

Jim stood and gathered the bags of clothes to give away.

"I don't know…where do you feel like eating?" he asked.

"Umm…how 'bout Chik-Fil-A?" she suggested innocently.

Jim paused in what he was doing to look over at her with a knowing smile. Joanna loved the indoor playground, and because of that the fast-food restaurant was a once-in-a-blue-moon treat. Leonard didn't like for her to eat food like that very often, which she very well knew. But if there ever was a good day for a treat like that, today was it.

"That sounds like a good idea to me!"

 

* * *

 

As the sun was setting, Leonard pulled into his designated spot, noting that Jim's car was there, too. He sighed and leaned his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. He needed to take a moment to shake off the low mood that had clung to him since this afternoon. He didn't want to bring it into the house. Today had been a hard day at the hospital…seeing Mrs. Sayer and her daughter had brought back a lot of the painful memories and emotions he associated with seeing his father go through that, and watching his mother suffer too, as she watched the man she loved waste away before her eyes.

And Jim had gone and cancelled the appointment…without telling him…when he knew he'd asked Mark as a favor to fit him in. That rankled Leonard, and he knew he was more annoyed about it than he normally would be because of everything else. He took a deep breath and focused on the two people waiting for him…his daughter and Jim…the two best things he had in his life. He and Jim obviously needed to talk, and he wanted to see how Joanna was doing…make sure everything was still sitting okay with her, and her biggest concern was still whether or not she was ever going to get that puppy.

Gathering his briefcase and the couple of grocery bags, he headed into the apartment, setting the car's alarm over his shoulder. Pausing in the entryway, he listened for a clue as to where Jim and Joanna were. The house was quiet, but he could hear water running in the tub. Jim must be giving Joanna a bath.

Smiling to himself, he headed to the kitchen to deposit the bags, and took in the set table. Apparently, they were waiting for him to have dinner. It smelled good…Jim had a couple of pots on the stove, and a quick peak confirmed his suspicions. Some of the spaghetti sauce Leonard kept in the freezer was simmering quietly, and the water in the other was just coming to a boil over medium heat. Leonard pulled some ravioli out of the freezer and dumped it in the pot, leaving the cover off so it wouldn't boil over. Checking the oven, he saw that Jim had put some garlic bread on a baking sheet that was just waiting for the oven to be turned on. With everything for their dinner working, he went to say hello and change into clothes that didn't have the hospital's scent clinging to them.

"Hey guys," Leonard said, leaning against the doorway, a smile pulling at his lips. Joanna was giggling in the tub, a mound of bubbles piled on her head and others all around her, and Jim was wiping water from his face.

"Hi Daddy!" Joanna said brightly. "I accidentally splashed Uncle Jim."

"Accidentally my foot, you silly goof," Jim replied, laughter in his voice. He stood and leaned towards Leonard, giving him a quick kiss. "Hey Bones," he said. "How was your day?" Jim studied his eyes and could see he was doing his best to leave something behind.

Leonard shrugged.

"Eh. About what I expected it to be. How are you doing? I saw some boxes in the library…did you get a lot done?"

"Yeah, Daddy," Jo piped up from the tub. "Uncle Jim said we did really good."

Jim nodded, confirming.

"Should be done before Friday," he added.

Leonard smiled fully. That was great news. As far as he was concerned the sooner the better.

"Fantastic. Well, I finished what you started in the kitchen, so everything's cooking. Let me change, and we'll eat."

Later that night, after they had eaten, the kitchen was cleaned up, and Joanna was put to bed, Leonard eyed Jim as he sat at the end of couch. They were watching an episode of The Mentalist…or, Jim was. Leonard was brooding. He hadn't wanted to bring it up while Joanna was around, but he still hadn't said anything about canceling the appointment, and he was starting to really get annoyed about it again. He didn't want to let himself get worked up about it…because they really  _did_  need to talk about this, and that wouldn't happen if they were arguing.

"Jim," he said, waiting for him to look over at him. "We need to talk."

Jim swallowed and nodded, having a good idea about what. He'd been planning to bring it up…but with the talk with Joanna this morning, and the fact that Leonard had looked stressed earlier, made him put it off. He sat up and snagged the remote control, turning the TV off. Jim sat facing Leonard and started to apologize, but Leonard was quicker.

"So, I bumped into Mark – Dr. Garrett, the ortho guy, today…"

"I know, I'm sorry," Jim said quickly. "I meant to tell you earlier, but I forgot about it this morning, and I didn't want to bother you at work."

He paused, and Leonard simply looked at him, eyebrows raised as he waited for an explanation. Jim squirmed slightly and looked away before making himself meet Leonard's eyes again.

"I just figured we should get through this week…with the move and everything…and make an appointment later on."

Leonard kept his eyes on Jim, and recognized that he was hearing a half-truth here. Jim couldn't even hold his gaze – and he was a terrible liar. There was something else going on, and whatever it was, Jim didn't want to share it.

Leonard wasn't sure how he felt about that. He could easily understand the desire to keep certain things private, but this could have a direct impact on Jim's health, and he just couldn't let that go. "Jim," he said after a moment. "Whatever it is, I hope you know you can tell me. I love you…nothing is going to change that." He paused and reached for Jim, moving closer to him on the couch. He took Jim's hand and squeezed it gently. "I told Mark to put the appointment back on the books. You and I both know there's really no reason to put off going, unless there's something you're not telling me. And in that case, I want to do whatever I can do to help. I love you, I care about you. I don't want you to be in pain, and I don't want you to feel like you can't share something that is obviously… important…to you. So…can you tell me what's up?"

Jim sighed and looked back up at Bones. He was looking at Jim with such love and such concern. And Jim knew that he'd had a hard day because of meeting with a patient, and here he was, worried about why he'd cancelled an appointment. He squeezed his eyes closed, and sagged back against the couch. His mouth was suddenly very dry, and he found he practically had to force the words out. But he was going to. After everything that Bones had trusted him with, it was stupid to feel like this was something he had to hold on to.

"I don't like to talk about this," Jim said lowly, keeping his eyes focused on a point in front of him. "I'm not that kid anymore…I know you understand that, though." He paused and flicked his eyes to Bones, who nodded. Yeah, he could definitely understood that sentiment.

"When I…remember I told you about driving the car off the cliff?"

Leonard nodded.

"Yes, I do," Leonard replied. It was actually something he'd wondered about often…how he'd managed to escape that little stunt without being hurt. But Jim hadn't offered any other information, and Leonard had gotten the distinct impression that further inquiry was not welcome.

"I came this close to not bailing in time to save myself," Jim said, holding his thumb and forefinger less than half an inch apart. "And I was hurt pretty badly. Broken fingers, a fractured wrist, ruptured spleen, smacked my head, cracked a rib, a couple of other things." He paused and took a deep breath. Leonard tried to control his reaction to that news, but it was difficult. The head and spleen could have been devastating injuries.

Needing to do something, Leonard moved closer to him, and Jim immediately leaned into him, grateful for the strength he was sharing. He took a breath and continued. "Mom was out of the state, Frank was in no condition to do anything, and a cop had just watched me nearly kill myself. I don't remember much, except waking up and there being all these people around me, and I hurt so bad, and at the time I didn't remember why. They cut off my clothes, held me down when I struggled…I think I was screaming…" he paused again and shuddered, remembering feeling absolutely helpless and terrified. "I really just remember people shouting, then people in surgical masks. And then I woke up somewhere I didn't recognize. They'd put me in restraints because of how much I'd struggled before, and they were keeping me slightly sedated to keep me calm. But I wasn't calm…I was so scared and angry."

He stopped again and Leonard wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. "Jim, you should never have gone through that. They should never have treated you that way…of course you were scared. How long was it before your mother was able to get to you?"

Feeling secure in Leonard's embrace, Jim rested his head on his shoulder, and shrugged slightly.

"I didn't know it at the time, but I was Baker Acted because the cop reported what I'd done as an aborted suicide attempt. But it really wasn't Bones. I didn't intend to kill myself. I just…wasn't thinking about anything except how much I hated that Frank kept drinking. I didn't want to die, I swear."

"I believe that Jim, I absolutely do," Leonard assured him, letting his hand stroke gently and comfortingly over Jim's back. Obviously this point was very important to him, and he wanted to make sure that Jim knew he didn't doubt that the child he'd been wasn't suicidal. They sat quietly for a moment until Jim was ready to continue again.

"Recovery took a while…about a week before I could stand without having vertigo or being in pain. Then, when I was off the pain meds and more lucid, I was stuck on a thirty-six hour hold for observation and counseling. I don't really remember when my mom finally got there. Sometime in the first three days, I think – everything was so foggy for so long." He pulled back and met Leonard's eyes. "I understand everything that was happening now, but back then, I had no idea what was going on. The pain meds made me loopy and confused, and I didn't remember what the nurses were telling me. And then I refused to talk to anyone…and they wouldn't let me out until my mom could prove that we would be looked after properly, that she would be around, since Frank wasn't fit to be a caretaker. Everything was such a mess for such a long time…it's just hard to leave all that behind, you know? And…I guess I still feel a little…scared."

Jim pulled back and Leonard let him go, understanding better now where Jim was coming from and his extreme reluctance and lingering fear towards anything medical. But that was then, and this was nothing like that, and Jim needed to be able to move forward so that he could take care of himself.

"That was a terrible experience, Jim. So much shouldn't have happened the way it did, and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. But you're not that child, incapable of making medical decisions for himself. You're an adult, who has to give consent for medical procedures, or they won't happen. Nothing like that will ever happen to you again. And I'll be there, whenever you want me to be. Okay?"

Jim nodded, leaning forward into Bones again, wanting the security he felt when they were together. He still felt trepidation about the upcoming appointment, but as long as Bones was there he would get through it.

"Okay."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's doctor appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a doctor, nor do I play one…anywhere. I did my research, but I also took some liberties. And, if it wasn't obvious that this was a fiction story before, the expedited trip to the doctor will drive that point home. Again, liberties. Finally, there is nothing too graphic, but there is some description of a medical procedure that may be a bit uncomfortable for some people (hence the rating). Read carefully please.

At a red light Leonard took a couple of seconds to look over at Jim. When he got nervous, he got quiet…and so far the car ride had been pretty quiet. He wasn't still, though…he was a ball of barely contained energy, bouncing his knee nervously and when he wasn't fidgeting with his phone, sliding it open and closed over and over again, he gnawed on his thumbnail.

The role reversal wasn't lost on Leonard, and he was reminded of that car ride to his first visit to Chris Pike. Having been in Jim's place, he understood how he was feeling, and he really wished he could help. He really didn't want Jim to stress over this, but what Jim was feeling wasn't rational, and it would be an exercise in futility to try to reason it away, and he didn't want Jim to feel like he was downplaying what he was experiencing either. So, he did what he could. Sighing, Leonard reached over to Jim, pulling his hand away from his mouth and holding him tightly, bringing their joined hands down to rest on Jim's knee, stopping its motion. Jim looked over at him and Leonard gave him a reassuring smile, hoping to alleviate some of his tension by projecting calm.

"Try to relax, Jim. I'll be with you the whole time, and Mark isn't going to do anything you're not completely okay with," he said.

Jim took a breath and let it out slowly, turning to look out the window. He was having a hard time meeting Leonard's eyes, embarrassed at how…juvenile…he was acting. He knew Leonard was trying to make him feel better, and he appreciated it, but it was ridiculous for a grown man to be this worked up over going to a doctor, especially for nothing but a simple ache.

"Sorry," Jim muttered, voice soft enough that Leonard almost didn't catch it.

"No…hey," Leonard said, giving his hand a squeeze and glancing over at him again as the light changed. "You have nothing to apologize for – and there's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. Jim…" he squeezed his hand again and waited until he was looking at him. Glancing away from the road, he caught Jim's eyes briefly and smiled. "Mark is a good guy. I trust him. He knows his stuff and he's always in high demand. Even sports teams send their players to him pretty often."

"Oh, yeah?" Jim said, interested despite his discomfort with the situation.

"Yeah," Leonard answered, happy to have caught his attention. "Mostly baseball players …some football. He's got quite the collection of signed baseballs and a couple of mitts, stuff like that. Says he never asked for it, but gets them as thank you's."

"Popular guy. His kids must love that," Jim said.

Leonard shrugged.

"Well, he's got two daughters in high school, and they're not really into sports, so it's kinda lost on them."

Jim shook his head with a smile. "Figures." Jim paused, and bit his lip uncertainly. "Does he…know about me? Whoa…that was a déjà vu experience. Only, reversed."

Leonard chuckled and nodded. He'd been experiencing that for a while.

"Yeah…role reversal, huh? Just the medical stuff. I described your symptoms, when you seem to hurt, stuff like that. You'll have to provide him with more information when he asks. Is that the arm you broke when you were a kid?"

"Yeah, it is actually. But that was so long ago, it can't still matter?"

Leonard shrugged.

"Well, I'd think it was possible – especially if it was something that wasn't caught with the imaging technology they had back then. Most hospitals didn't have MRIs, and that's one of the best ways to see if there is soft tissue damage."

"Do you think he's going to want to do that?" Jim asked. He wasn't sure if his insurance would cover an MRI. He never really looked at what the plan provided. It never mattered before.

"Maybe. It might help see what's the problem. But only if you're okay with it," Leonard added quickly.

Jim nodded, recognizing that Leonard was doing what he could to make him feel better about this, and really, really appreciating it. Jim gently stroked the back of Leonard's hand with his thumb, another consideration coming to mind.

"So, does he know about us? That we're together? Either way is fine, but I don't want to do or say anything that's going to cause you any problems."

Jim had a valid point, and Leonard thought about that for a moment. He wasn't sure if Mark realized he and Jim were in a relationship…he didn't remember mentioning it to him, but he wasn't sure.

"You know, I don't think we talked about that," Leonard answered. "But don't worry about it. He knows I'm attending the appointment with you, and he knows that we're close. If he doesn't know or suspect about our relationship I'm sure he'll figure it out."

Jim peered at him questioningly, surprised that he hadn't given this more thought. Leonard had always been pretty unconcerned about the way people reacted to his relationship with Jim, and he found that both incredibly awesome, and a little confusing.

"You're not concerned about the people you work with finding out?" Jim asked.

"Not one iota. First, it's no one's business. Second, it has absolutely no bearing on my effectiveness as a doctor at all."

Jim smiled and shook his head at his matter-of-factness.

"Is there a third?" Jim asked.

Leonard brought their joined hands up and kissed the back of Jim's.

"Third, I love you, and I don't care who knows."

Jim smiled and settled back in the seat, feeling a little calmer, and a lot better. They drove the rest of the way in silence, but it was a comfortable silence, absent of the tension from earlier, and when Leonard pulled into the parking lot of the medical association buildings affiliated with his hospital, Jim found that he still wasn't quite as nervous as before.

 

* * *

 

Jim crossed his arms, leaning against the exam table, eyes traveling over the diagrams that decorated the wall. He wondered if the doctor actually thought the posters made good décor, or if he used them as reminders. He hoped that he just had no decorating sense. Leonard sat in a chair, flipping through an old magazine.

"Here's something I wondered whenever I went to a doctor…" Jim said. Leonard looked up, waiting. "If they're going to make you wait in the exam room just as long as you waited in the  _waiting_  room, why bother putting you in the exam room? Why not just leave you in the waiting room – where there's at least better magazines?"

"Because when they stick you in an exam room, you stop pestering the receptionist, asking how much longer it's going to be," Leonard answered, going back to his magazine.

"Really?" Jim asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

Leonard nodded.

"That's what my dad said," he replied.

"What about you?" Jim asked curiously.

Leonard shrugged.

"I never had an office like this, so I never had to deal with impatient patients," Leonard replied. "But it sounds like a good plan to me."

Jim shifted and tried to sit on the table without putting too much pressure on his arm.

"I'm not impatient. I'm bored," he replied.

Leonard rolled his eyes.

"Infant," he said, happy to distract with the bantering. Jim was about to answer when the door to the exam room opened and Mark Garrett entered.

"Hello there," he said. "Leonard." He turned to Jim and shook his hand. "You must be Jim Kirk. I'm Dr. Garrett – feel free to just call me Mark. So sorry to keep you waiting. The day always seems to start off on time and goes down hill from there."

"Hi," Jim said, reacting to Mark's naturally affable character. "No problem. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice."

"Of course, of course. So, having a problem with your shoulder?"

Leonard sat quietly, watching and listening as Mark and Jim interacted. So far, it was going a lot better than what he thought was going to happen. Jim answered Mark's questions fully, and the nervousness he'd been struggling with wasn't evident at all. He wondered at the change, and how much of an effect his presence was having. Everything seemed to be going just fine.

Until the physical part of the exam. Mark put his hands on either side of Jim's shoulder and guided him through some specific motions that were obviously uncomfortable, if the expression on Jim's face was any indication. As Leonard watched Mark work Jim through specific motions and positions, it was actually obvious that Jim was in quite a bit more pain than he'd ever let on. Leonard was exasperated by the fact that Jim had obviously been playing down how much his shoulder was bothering him, but he was also relieved that they were at least doing something about it.

Jim tolerated the exam fairly well, until Mark asked him to remove his shirt so that he could see the way the joint was moving. Leonard knew Jim didn't have any problem being seen shirtless, so he could only imagine that it was the memory of being removed from his clothes as a child that was making him uncomfortable. Mark had his back to Leonard, and as Jim pulled his shirt over his head, he met Leonard's eyes over Mark's shoulder. Leonard stood and moved closer to him, leaning on the edge of the exam table, out of the way, but within touching distance of Jim's non-injured side. Mark gave him a questioning look, but didn't say anything, so Leonard didn't feel any need to give an explanation.

Jim moved as Mark directed as he palpitated the joint, pressing into specific areas as Jim shifted his position. He was hurting, Leonard could see, by the tight line of his lips, but he held Jim's eyes throughout the exam, and soon Mark was stepping back, finished with what he was doing.

"Well," Mark said, making a note on Jim's chart. "It doesn't appear to be a muscle issue, and nothing feels obviously wrong with the formation of the joint, but it's obviously tender – sorry about that, by the way, I know it was uncomfortable." He moved to a diagram on the wall and pointed to various parts of a shoulder as he continued to talk. "So, it could be either a tendon issue, a bone spur somewhere along here, a problem with the cushioning bursa, or some combination of the three. The best way to tell is to get an MRI done so we can see the bone and soft tissue that makes up the joint." Leonard nodded, not surprised. Jim was impassive. "There's an MRI in this medical complex, and normally it wouldn't be something we could do so quickly, but you know the right people, so I'll go see if we can get you in today. Sit tight for a minute, I'll be right back."

Jim carefully pulled his shirt back over his head as Mark left, throwing Leonard a glance.

"Glad that's over," he said, wincing. "He's a helpful guy."

Leonard nodded.

"I met him when I was first figuring out whether or not moving here was a good idea. We hit it off, and I did him a favor by consulting on his mother-in-law's case when I first moved out here. But he also is genuinely a good guy. If he can help you, he will. Are you okay with having an MRI?"

Jim shrugged and winced at the movement, annoyed at how sore he was feeling after the exam.

"I don't know if my insurance will cover an MRI. I never really looked at it," he said.

"It does," Leonard replied. "I read through the booklet. Your copay for a specialist is a little higher, because Mark is out of your network, but if a specialist prescribes an MRI, it's covered."

"Oh," Jim replied, not sure how he felt about that. Insurance had been a convenient excuse to not have something like that done, without the need for awkward explanations. Leonard raised his eyebrows at the expression on Jim's face.

"Just because you  _can_  have one, doesn't mean you have to," he reminded Jim. "Though, since we're here, and Mark recommends it, I tend to think it would be a good idea to go ahead and do it so we know what's up."

Jim nodded, knowing that he was right. "Yeah, I-" Jim was interrupted when Mark came back into the room, followed by a nurse carrying a tray and a gown. She set the materials down on the counter and excused herself.

"Good news – we can take you today. Have you ever had an MRI scan before?"

Jim shook his head, eyes on the covered tray the nurse left. Leonard had a feeling he knew what was coming and realized there was a very good chance Jim may not have one today either if that was what he thought it was.

"Okay, well, it's no big deal at all. You'll just lie still on the table that will move you into the tube. There will be an occasional loud knocking sound when the magnet is working, but we can give you earplugs for that. It'll probably take about twenty minutes, and that's it. Do you have any questions?"

"No," Jim said, shaking his head, but then stopped. "Well – yes." Jim glanced at Leonard, a slight flush coming into his face. "Can Bo – Leonard be in the room with me?"

Mark hesitated for just a second, before smiling slightly and nodding.

"Sure," he said. "That's fine. Now, one more thing. There's a lot of soft tissue that makes up a shoulder joint, and while an MRI can provide a pretty clear picture, it can be hard to tell if there's a tear, especially if it's a small one, so we use a contrast dye that we inject into the joint so that a clear, detailed picture is shown." As Mark spoke, he washed his hands, put on a pair of gloves and uncovered the tray, picking up a packet containing a sterile wipe. "So, if you'll remove your shirt again…" Leonard watched as Jim stiffened and the color drained from his face when his eyes fell on the hypodermic needle. It was a little longer than a typical needle in order to get deep enough into the joint, and Jim swallowed hard, throwing a desperate glance at Leonard.

"Actually, Mark, Jim's got a lot of allergies – and since there's really no way to test for sensitivity, I don't think we should risk it if we can avoid it," he said. Mark looked at Leonard, obviously surprised.

"I saw that on his intake, but those types of allergies aren't generally related. Very few people react to…"

"I know…but all the same – I think we'd rather not risk it," Leonard said evenly.

Mark looked over at Jim for confirmation. He nodded quickly.

"I'm with him on that," Jim said.

Mark shrugged and pulled off the gloves.

"Okay, then. Let's see what the scan tells us without it."

 

* * *

 

Both Leonard and Jim changed into a set of scrubs – metal on clothing, like zippers, couldn't be worn near an MRI – and they headed to the correct floor of the medical offices. They sat in the waiting room, assured that the tech was on her way and would be with them shortly.

"See…what Mark tried to do with the dye.  _That's_  what I don't like. He wasn't even acting like I had a choice – it was just a given that I would have to do that," Jim said, tapping his foot without even realizing it.

"Well, it is the best way to get a real clear picture, Jim. That's all Mark wanted to accomplish. But I see what you're saying…you always have a choice about things like that, even if the doctor doesn't offer that information. You should always ask. Didn't think you had a problem with needles, though. You didn't flinch when I drew blood from you."

Jim snorted and shook his head. "I was still trying to impress you…trying to make sure you didn't end up thinking I was a wuss. You have no idea how much self-control it took for me to sit still while you did that. I went home and threw up afterwards."

"Really?" Leonard asked, surprised.

Jim nodded.

"Yeah. And I don't know…the thought of him sticking a needle into a joint…" he squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head. "Just …no."

Jim looked so genuinely distressed at the thought of it, that Leonard couldn't stop himself from reaching over and grasping the back of Jim's neck, squeezing gently. Jim looked over and smiled at him, his color a little better now. The tech stuck her head in the waiting room and asked them to follow her. Ten minutes later, Jim was positioned and the platform was moving into position.

"Remember, Mr. Kirk," the tech's voice sounded tinny through the speaker. "Please be still. We're going to get started now."

Jim almost nodded, but then simply replied with an "ok". He didn't like this. He was lying on his back, in a pair of scrubs and covered by a blanket. The sides of the MRI tube were barely four inches from each of his shoulders, and though there was more clearance than that between his face and the top of the tube, it didn't feel that way. The platform was cold, he was uncomfortable, and he realized he was trembling slightly. The only thing that helped at all was that he knew Leonard was in the room with him, though he couldn't see him at the moment.

Then the banging started. Jim squeezed his eyes closed. A "knocking sound" his ass. It set his teeth on edge and he hardly even realized it when his hands clenched into fists. His jaw clenched and he came within a second of telling the tech to forget it and to let him out when the sound stopped. He let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, knowing he was allowed to talk now before the next round started.

"How are you doing Mr. Kirk?" the tech asked.

Jim ignored her and lifted his head slightly, trying to catch sight of Leonard.

"Bones?" 

Leonard frowned, concerned. He'd seen the way Jim had balled his fists, and his voice didn't sound quite right.

"I'm here, Jim," he replied, hoping to calm him.

"I really don't like this," Jim said, putting his head back down.

Leonard motioned to the tech behind the window to hold for a moment, and moved to the foot of the table, he pushed the blanket back and gently grasped Jim's sock-clad foot. He peered into the machine, and smiled slightly. They could see each other if he stayed down here. He snagged the chair he'd been sitting in and pulled it down near Jim's feet.

"Not too much longer and you'll be done. Okay?"

"Yeah," he replied. Leonard gently rubbed Jim's foot, and looked back over at the tech, nodding.

"Okay, Mr. Kirk. We're going to get started again. Very still, please," she said.

Jim sighed, and stayed very still, concentrating on the feel of Bones' warm grip on his foot.

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, they were back in Mark's office. Waiting. Again.

"Let's go," Jim said, standing. He'd had just about enough today. He appreciated Mark going to all the trouble of trying to get everything done, but he was finished.

"Don't you want to get your results?" Leonard asked. "He should be back in just a few minutes."

"I want to get out of here," Jim said. "Let's go get Jo from Aurelan's and do something fun for the rest of the day."

Leonard rolled his eyes. Figures they'd spend a good two hours doing this, and Jim would want to leave in the last fifteen minutes.

"We'll have plenty of time to do something with Jo, but I want to know what's wrong with you. You were obviously in pain earlier, and it's not like Mark was having you hold weights or do anything stressful. You should be able to raise your arm straight over your head without it hurting enough to make you wince," Leonard said.

"But Bones…"

"Jim…come on. We're almost done. Do I need to bribe you with ice cream the way I do with Jo?"

"No," he said, pouting a little. But then he perked up, catching Leonard's eyes with a wicked grin. "I can think of something I like licking a lot better than ice cream, though. You can bribe me with that."

Leonard's eyes widened and he flushed brilliantly, making Jim laugh. Mark came back into the office, and looked between the two of them, Jim laughing and Leonard now feigning a cough to hide his embarrassment. Leonard composed himself quickly and Jim smirked.

"Okay," Mark said, moving to the light box. He put a couple of films up to illuminate the images. "So, what it looks like we have here is rotator cuff tendonitis that has led to shoulder impingement syndrome." He went on to explain that the rotator cuff passes through a small space between a part of the shoulder blade and upper arm. When it becomes inflamed, there isn't enough room between the bones and it gets squeezed, and that, in turn, irritates the tendon more.

"It looks like this has been going on for a while…see the slightly ragged edges of the tendon?" He pointed it out with his pen and Jim and Leonard nodded. "It's supposed to be smooth. That's the result of years of intermittent friction, when it becomes too inflamed to fit properly in this space." He looked over at Jim. "Most people get to a doctor long before this level of damage – you must have been in pain for quite a while." It was a statement, but Jim heard the question there, and he shrugged slightly.

"It came and went…I always just thought it was just something to deal with," he said, a little defensively.

Leonard rolled his eyes.

"So what's the treatment?" Leonard asked.

"Well, I'd like to start with a shot of cortisone, to bring the inflammation down and stop the damage from getting any worse. It will also relieve your pain, for six to eight weeks. During that time, while you're not hurting and the flare-up is controlled, I'd like to get you in physical therapy to strengthen the rotator cuff and the muscles that support it. We'll try that regimen for a few about two months, and then we'll reevaluate."

"And do you think that will do it?" Jim asked. Two months of physical therapy and that was it? He'd be willing to try that.

"Possibly. The damage is long-term, but it's not too severe…there are no tears or anything like that. I do believe that one cycle of a cortisone shot and therapy will help tremendously. It may take a second round to really get you pain free, but I don't think anything more invasive is going to be needed."

"Can I do the physical therapy part without the cortisone shot?" Jim asked, really not thrilled with the prospect of that part of the treatment plan.

Mark shook his head.

"No – I wouldn't refer you to a physical therapist without the benefit of a cortisone shot right now. You need to be able to move your arm and shoulder in a variety of positions. As inflamed as the tendons are now, you'd probably be in too much pain to do the exercises you need to do, and even if you forced yourself through it, you may just do more damage," Mark explained.

Jim nodded. That made sense to him. Still didn't like it though. His stomach clenched painfully.  _Really_  didn't like it.

"What do you think Bones?" Jim asked, looking over at him.

He shrugged.

"I think you should do what Mark suggests. Now. Before it gets any worse and does need surgery to correct," Leonard said honestly.

Jim looked back at Mark.

"Well, I guess let's get it done," Jim said.

Mark nodded and made a note on Jim's chart.

"Okay. If you'll remove your shirt, I'll be right back." Mark left, likely to get the medication, and Jim slowly pulled his shirt back over his head. Leonard moved to stand across from him, leaning against the counter as he crossed his arms over his chest and crossed his feet at the ankle.

"This is really going to suck, isn't it?" Jim asked, trying to sound less concerned than he was.

Leonard shrugged slightly. He couldn't imagine it was going to be comfortable, but he also knew it was necessary. Mark joined them again, holding a capped, loaded syringe. Like the first one that had Jim ready to bolt, this was a longer-than-usual needle so it could get deep enough into the joint. He went over the side-effects, explaining it may actually be more painful for a day or two before getting better, but stressed that the good effects would last for weeks. Jim still didn't like it, but a shot and a couple of days of pain for weeks of being better off was still a good trade-off in his book.

"Okay," Mark said, after he had carefully sterilized the area of Jim's shoulder. "Go ahead and lay back."

Jim swallowed hard, watching as Mark picked up the syringe. He squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep breath – and then Leonard was there. He came around to Jim's other side as he lay back, and took Jim's hand.

"Look at me, Jim, okay?"

Too nervous and not trusting his voice, Jim nodded. Mark watched the two of them interact for a moment, the intimate way Leonard cradled Jim's head with his other arm, his hand resting on Jim's forehead, as Jim gripped his hand tightly.

"I'll be as quick as I can. Just try to keep this arm and shoulder relaxed and still," Mark said, not unsympathetic.

Positioning the needle was the most painful part and he'd seen some pretty tough guys lose their lunch over things like this. Jim didn't answer, but Leonard glanced up and nodded slightly. Carefully grasping the needle with one hand, Mark used the other to press firmly, to keep Jim from accidentally moving.

Leonard kept his eyes on Jim's face, peripherally aware of what Mark was doing. Jim jerked slightly, clenching his hand painfully tight as Mark advanced the needle into position. Jim went white around his lips, and he broke out in a clammy sweat as he squeezed his eyes closed. A small sound of pain forced itself out of him, even through clenched teeth.

"It's okay…almost done," Leonard said, keeping his voice pitched low and soothing.

Moments later, Mark announced it was done, and he gently treated the area with another antiseptic wipe. The whole procedure had taken less than 45 seconds. Leonard stayed just like that with Jim until he moved to sit himself up. He still looked a little green around the gills, but didn't look like he was going to throw up.

"That hurt like a bitch," he announced.

"I'm not surprised. You've got a lot of inflammation going on in there right now. Now, like I said, you may hurt more tomorrow, but that'll pass quickly. Tylenol and ice packs will help with that. Stop at the receptionist desk and Carla will give you the information for the physical therapist. We'll make the initial appointment for around a week from now."

Jim slid off the exam table and stood, holding out his right hand – that arm was fine at least. "Thanks for everything Mark. I do really appreciate everything." They shook.

"Not a problem at all," he said. "Call if you have any questions. Leonard knows how to get hold of me."

 

* * *

 

Hours later, after picking up Joanna from Aurelan's, Jim was starting to feel the temporary side effects of the cortisone shot. He'd changed into a tank top and sweat pants, trying to be as comfortable as possible.

"Hurting?" Leonard asked.

Jim breathed out through his nose, obviously trying to keep himself from tensing up.

"Yeah," he admitted, leaning back against the pillows Leonard had used to prop him up and support his arm.

"Well, you took the Tylenol and we've got an icepack on it. Hopefully that'll help a bit."

"Daddy?" Joanna's voice came from the behind the partially closed door.

"Come in, Baby," he said.

Jo pushed the door open further and padded into the room, looking concerned.

"Is Uncle Jim okay?" she asked.

Leonard leaned down and picked her up, bringing her over to the bed.

"I'm okay, Jo," Jim said. "My shoulder is a little sore, but I went to the doctor today, and he said it should feel better in a couple of days."

Joanna looked down from her father's hold, a concerned expression on her little face.

"Put me down, please," she said. "On the bed."

Leonard hesitated, but Jim nodded. Leonard set her down with a warning.

"Be real careful, Jo. We need to keep Jim still."

"I will. I'll be very careful," she said. She positioned herself on her knees, right next to Jim and looked at him seriously. "When I hurt myself, Daddy fixes it and gives me a kiss and then I feel better," she said. Then she leaned over and pressed her lips, petal-soft, to the top of Jim's shoulder. Jim smiled as she pulled away, peering up at him. "Did it work?"

"I feel better already."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the night of their six-month anniversary, Bones decides he's ready. He and Jim are together. Finally.

Leonard didn't talk about sex.

It's not that he was a prude…he  _was_  a doctor, after all. He had no problem talking about sex in medical terms. It also wasn't difficult for him to talk about what Jim liked. He  _wanted_  to know what Jim liked done to him…and then do them, pulling soft cries and pleas and curses from him, driving him to completion. There was nothing better than that, and despite his initial hesitance, he was quite good at it now, according to Jim.

What was difficult for him was talking about sex in more personal terms. What things felt like to _him_ , what he liked, what he wanted to try or was still a little wary of. Leonard was still a little uncomfortable when the focus was on him. And, okay, maybe in that way he was a bit of a prude. But he was trying, and Jim was always commenting on how much he had changed in the six months they'd been together. More importantly,  _he_  felt like he'd changed…he wasn't the same man Jim had met months ago. He was better. More complete. He wondered if Jim had seen who he could be, not just who he was, when they first met, took those first hesitant steps together, those months ago.

Six months ago, to be precise. Today.

Leonard looked over at Jim, watching him brush his teeth as he stood at the sink in their bathroom, smiling slightly. It had been a fantastic day. Leonard was crap at remembering dates of importance, beyond his daughter's birthday, but Jim hadn't forgotten. And not only had he not forgotten, he'd planned the day and night for them. It seemed kind of silly to Leonard, to celebrate a six month anniversary, but Jim was so enthusiastic about it ( _"Six months ago today, Bones, we had our first real date at that restaurant. Remember how nervous you were?_ ") he didn't have the heart to protest beyond a token eye-roll. And actually, he found it incredibly sweet.

So, they'd dropped Joanna off at Janie's for one last sleepover before the end of the summer. It was Sunday, and though school didn't start for the kids until Wednesday, Monday and Tuesday would be spent at home, getting back into the swing of a slightly earlier bedtime and much earlier mornings. Jim had to go back to McKinley for the start of two days of teacher planning starting tomorrow, but he didn't have to be there early.

They'd mostly spent the day at home, just being together. They arranged Jim's things that had sat in boxes until the cortisone had kicked in and his shoulder had actually stopped hurting all together. It gave Leonard a thrill to know that Jim was actually  _home_  now…that this was Jim's home with he and Joanna…and he knew Jim felt it too, that same thrill of being complete with him, and at home.

Jim had made reservations for an earlier dinner at the same restaurant they'd had their first date, and they spent the evening reflecting over everything they'd experienced together for the last six months. How so much had changed, for both of them. How so much had changed for Joanna. And everything that was still in front of them…Jim's completion of his Ph.D., Leonard's more widely-accepted research, Joanna's upcoming need for more…creative ways to keep up with her educational needs. It was an exciting time for all of them, and Leonard knew how lucky he was to have someone to share it with…and he knew Jim felt the same.

But now, dinner was over, and they were back at home, and Leonard was watching Jim brush his teeth, wondering how to breech a subject he still wasn't all the comfortable talking about…even though by now he felt like he should be over it.

Six months, and they still hadn't actually had sex. They'd done other things…lots of other things…lots of really, really  _good_  other things…but not that final, complete act. And Leonard wanted that to change. He'd wanted it to change for a while, actually, but tonight seemed like the perfect night. If he could just get up the nerve to talk about it. Because after all these months, Leonard knew that if was going to happen, he was going to have to be the one to bring it up. Jim had made it perfectly clear to him that he had an open invitation, but he never pushed. He never asked about it and was always quick to reassure that it didn't matter to him that they hadn't done that yet. He was willing to wait.

Leonard loved Jim for that…for that easy acceptance of what he was comfortable doing, for always making sure that he never felt pressured or rushed. It was because of that, he knew, that he'd been able to do some of the things he never thought he'd have any interest in doing. But he  _wanted_  to do them with Jim, even if he wasn't able to right away. And now, he  _wanted_  to do this, too.

Jim finished up and headed out of the bathroom, turning off the light. He smiled at Leonard, and crawled onto the bed with him. Leonard rolled onto his back as Jim settled over him, kissing him deeply, his hands supporting most of his weight. Leonard could feel Jim against him, already getting hard in his underwear, and he drew his hands up and down Jim's bare back, feeling him shudder slightly at the ticklish sensations. Jim, he'd discovered to his delight, was very ticklish. The kiss turned demanding, their tongues meeting and pressing together, before withdrawing and giving in to the need to breathe. Jim pulled back slightly, and dropped gentle kisses on Leonard's lips, gently rolling his hips against him, feeling that he was responding to the sensual touch now, too. Jim captured Leonard's lips again, harder this time, making it clear this kiss was his to control, and Leonard moaned, eyelashes fluttering as Jim moved over him, causing delicious friction in the right place.

Jim smiled when Leonard turned his head, panting a little. He looked so perfect right now…full lips red and a little swollen, eyes dark with lust, skin flushed. Jim lowered his head and gently nibbled where his neck met his shoulder, knowing that spot was particularly sensitive. Leonard had been clutching Jim's shoulders, holding him tightly, but after a few moments, he became aware that Leonard was actually gently pushing. Letting up, Jim slid to the side, settling and looking at him with a question in his eyes. Leonard kissed him quickly, wanting to reassure that everything was fine. He pulled back, and Jim smiled slightly.

"What's up, Bones? Besides the obvious," he added cheekily, passing a hand over the front of his boxers.

Leonard gasped and thrust slightly, smiling at him as they both caught their breath, settling. Talking to Jim about intimate things was so much easier now than it had been even a couple of months ago, but Leonard still found it easier to look away from those unbelievably blue eyes. He took a breath.

"I want to have sex with you," he said, looking back up at Jim and quickly looking away again. He swallowed nervously, and found he had to clear his throat. "I-I want to have real sex with you," he clarified, feeling his face heat. After an incredibly self-conscious moment, Leonard was able to meet Jim's eyes again. "Tonight."

Jim held his gaze, placing a hand on the side of Leonard's face, his thumb gently stroking a dark eyebrow. His heart was pounding in his chest – the love for this man almost more than he could contain; definitely more than he could articulate.

"Are you sure, Bones? Because I want this too…so, so much…to be with you like that – but only if you're sure that you want it," Jim said, his voice shaking a little.

"I'm sure. I'm ready." He paused, glancing away again. "I think I've been ready for a while…I was waiting to see if you were going to say anything. You've been so, so patient with me, and I know you say that's the way it's supposed to be, but still…"

Jim cut him off, kissing him gently, pulling Leonard to him so their bodies were pressed together, and Leonard could feel the effect he had on Jim, thrilled that he could make Jim respond like that.

Jim held him securely, understanding the enormity of what Bones wanted to give him tonight and relishing the love and trust implicit in that gift.

"Bones, I love you so much, and I want what you want. So, tell me, how do you want to do this?" Jim asked, smoothing his hair back.

Leonard flushed, actually having thought about the logistics of the act quite a bit. And he'd done his research – the internet was a wealth of information. Still, he hesitated, not really nervous, but still struggling with self-consciousness.

Jim smiled slightly, his eyes gentling. "Don't be embarrassed, Bones. Tell me what you want…I promise I'm going to be okay with whatever you decide." He paused, considering. It was very possible Bones really didn't know  _what_  he wanted. It wasn't as if he had a lot of experience at this. "Do you want me to describe how…things work?" he asked.

Leonard huffed a laugh and looked up, eyes twinkling in amusement.

"I  _am_  a doctor Jim…I know how things work," he said.

Jim's smiled widened, and he quirked an eyebrow, happy to see that he wasn't overly nervous or too timid to be light-hearted.

"I know you're a doctor…but you know…the theoretical versus the practical, and all that," Jim said lightly.

Leonard nodded, actually very much appreciating Jim's common sense approach. It made him feel a little less awkward.

"Well, I've actually…done some research," Leonard admitted. Jim raised his eyebrows and chuckled. Of course he did. That was just so _Bones_.

"Oh, yeah? And what did your research come up with?" Jim asked.

Leonard shrugged, slipping one of his legs between Jim's.

"That I want you to be the one…on – on top," he said, flushing again and stumbling over the unfamiliar term slightly. Jim bit his lip, wondering at that choice. Leonard read his expression correctly and explained. "I still – I don't want to accidentally hurt you…and I trust that you won't hurt me."

Jim looked at him for a moment, wanting to see certainty in those hazel eyes, and relaxing when he did. He kissed him, rocking his hips against the leg Leonard had pushed between his, and held him tightly.

"Okay," he whispered, pulling back to drop little kisses along Leonard's jaw. "Tell me if you change your mind, okay? Promise."

"I promise, but I won't," Leonard murmured, panting a little as Jim squeezed a nipple.

Jim nodded, taking his word. He urged Leonard to lie flat on his back, following him down with another kiss, drawing his hands up and down his sides.

"Let me take care of you," Jim said, hooking his fingers on the waist band of Leonard's boxers. He tugged gently, and Leonard lifted his hips, allowing Jim to draw them down and off. Jim kneeled up, pushing his underwear off as well. Both naked, Jim stayed sitting up for a moment, straddling Bones' lower stomach, most of his weight on his own legs. Bones rested his hands on Jim's knees, rubbing up his thighs, massaging the strong muscles. His eyes flicked over Jim's body, taking in the beauty of the man above him. Jim gazed down at Leonard, watching him for signs of nervousness or second thoughts. He wanted this,  _god,_  he wanted this…but he wanted Bones to never feel anything but love and trust and safety more. Holding his eyes, Jim smiled…he saw nothing but certainty and desire.

Leaning down, Jim dropped kisses over Leonard's face, his hand closing on the bottle of lube that had been placed within easy reach. He pulled away for a moment to squeeze some out on his finger, and then paid persistent attention to Bones' nipples. He wasn't as sensitive as Jim was, but he knew that barely rubbing over them with his thumbs while kissing that spot on his neck would get him worked up in short order.

Leonard panted, turning his head and trying to stop himself from squirming as the sensations Jim was creating seemed to be wired directly to his cock. He felt himself twitch as his length hardened, and he squeezed his eyes closed. Jim could feel Leonard responding to his ministrations, and he eased downward, his fingers tracing delicate lines across Leonard's chest.

Jim latched on to one nipple, exerting gentle suction, relishing the sighs and little gasps that he forced out of him as he flicked his tongue quickly over the little nub of flesh, still rubbing the other with his thumb. After a couple of minutes, Jim switched sides, circling Leonard's other nipple with his tongue. Leonard groaned, pressing his hips up as the sensations got to be just this side of too much. One of his hands went to Jim's hand at his nipple, squeezing gently, silently asking him to stop…or to give him  _more_. Jim chuckled against his chest and pulled away with a final lick, letting go and gently tugging his hand out of Leonard's grasp. Jim looked up at Leonard's face, taking in the furrowed brows, the flush that made its way down his neck to his chest that rose and fell quickly with short breaths quickened by arousal. 

_Beautiful._

Jim moved lower, kissing Bones' lower belly, avoiding his cock that rested full and heavy against his abdomen. He rubbed his face against the soft hair there, humming contentedly when he felt Bones gently place his hands on his head, carding through his hair. Leonard sighed softly as Jim nuzzled his belly. The feel of Jim holding him, drawing his hands up and down his sides, occasionally reaching up to let his fingers drag over his nearly-painfully sensitized nipples, was just all so amazing, so…a little whimper escaped his throat as Jim kissed the underside of his penis, making him twitch and his fingers tighten reflexively in his hair. Leonard pressed his hips up as much as he could with Jim's weight on him, trying to urge him to pay more attention there.

Jim smiled and chuckled, moving lower lick and suck at Bones' testicles. He jerked at the initial sensation, his head coming up off the pillow as his stomach muscles tightened.

" _Oh,_  god…Jim! Uh…" Leonard breathed hard as Jim focused on teasing the sensitive skin there, and below. To Jim's delight, Leonard drew his knees up, placing his feet flat on the bed, without having to be urged to do so, and seemingly without any reservations. Jim moaned in response, incredibly turned on by Bones' obvious comfort and ease with him. Leonard could hardly contain himself, the feel of Jim's tongue playing over his balls making him shiver. He moved his hands from Jim's head to the sheets, twisting them in his grasp. "Jim," he whispered hoarsely. " _Please_."

Jim pulled away, looking up at Leonard.

"Please what?" he asked, eyes playful. Leonard forced his eyes open and looked down the length of his body. "What do you want me to do?"

Leonard let his head fall back down as he panted, trying to catch his breath as he thrust his hips slightly, unable to articulate what he wanted. He felt Jim chuckle, the vibrations making him twist slightly in his grasp. Jim took pity on him, and flattening his tongue took a long, slow lick up the underside of Bones' cock, lingering at the head. Bones hips jerked and Jim did it again, this time sucking gently on the tip as he massaged the lower shaft, occasionally gently squeezing his balls and rubbing the sensitive spot beneath them. He listened to Bones gasp and whimper, not letting up even as Bones' legs squeezed around him, reacting to the intense pleasure.

When Jim finally released him, Leonard didn't know if he should feel relieved or ticked off. He felt like he was two seconds from coming and he shook as his Jim kissed his way back up his body. Jim captured his lips as he panted against his mouth, and Leonard tasted himself in the kiss. Mindful that Jim had been doing all the work, Leonard reached down and grasped his erection, stroking him and making Jim strain against him and clench his fists in the pillow beneath his head.

"Lube?" Leonard asked. Jim scrabbled for the bottle that he'd left to the side of the bed and handed it to him. Squirting some in his hand, Leonard reached back down and grasped Jim firmly.

"Ah! Uhh…Bones…oh…" Jim breathed hard against his neck as he stroked him rhythmically.

Leonard twisted his wrist at the top, dragging his palm around and over the sensitive head, knowing that drove Jim crazy. He was thrusting against him, in time to the strokes, his face pressed against his neck. Leonard could feel his hot breath against him, and he craned his neck to try to see his face. After a couple more strokes that had Jim crying out and shaking, he reached down and gently grasped Bones' wrist, stilling his movement.

"Too much more," Jim said, trying to get his body back under control, "and I'm not gonna be able to stop myself from coming." He kissed Bones again and looked into his eyes. "And I have other plans…as long as you still want it."

"I want it," Leonard replied quickly. He cocked an eyebrow, trying to affect a cool manner despite the sensations rushing through his body. "You gonna get on with it, or what?"

Jim smiled, kissed him again, and cocked his head to the side, a pose of consideration.

"I think I'm gonna 'or what' for a bit longer. It's just too much fun," he said teasingly. He moved back down Bones' body, taking the time to lick at his nipples and over his stomach, and then tease his cock a bit, making it twitch as he ran his tongue over the head, worrying the ridge and the indent at the underside. The he pulled away and urged Leonard to lift his legs, pressing his knees to his chest.

Leonard hesitated, resisting for a moment before allowing Jim to position him that way. He'd never done this before, and he felt very open…very exposed.

"You okay there, Bones?" Jim asked, having felt his hesitance.

"Fine," he answered quickly.

Jim looked up at him, noting the way his fingers pressed into his knees with much more force than was necessary as he held his legs. Jim smiled encouragingly at him, taking a moment to reassure.

"I'm not going to do anything without telling you first, okay?" he said, quietly, gently rubbing his hands over and down Leonard's legs. He'd been doing so, so well…he didn't want him to start getting nervous now.

"I'm fine, Jim," he said. He paused and really took stock of the situation. Even knowing they were heading towards something Leonard had no experience in, he wasn't nervous. "I really am fine," he said again, a note of surprise in his voice. "I trust you."

Jim smiled, hearing the truth there, and gently squeezed his thigh in recognition of that.

"Hold your legs up for me, okay?" Jim said.

Leonard nodded and Jim moved to lie on his belly, gently parting his butt cheeks to expose his hole. Jim softly placed his lips over it, feeling Bones jerk at the first touch. Jim moved his tongue over him, teasingly circling the muscle, occasionally pressing inside. Bones groaned and pulled at his legs, needing to hold on to something to ground himself. Jim kept it up, urging the muscle to relax slightly with his lips and tongue as he reached for the bottle of lube again. Pulling away, he liberally coated his fingers.

"Gonna use my fingers now Bones, okay?" Jim said, wanting to give him some warning. They'd done this a few times, and each time it took Bones less time to loosen up, but still, Jim didn't want to startle him.

"Yeah," he sighed, concentrating on keeping his muscles relaxed as he felt Jim start to gently press inside. Jim moved his finger in and out, pressing deeper each time, feeling the resistance give way as Bones' body accommodated his presence. It happened quickly this time, and in moments he was able to brush over Bones' prostate, feeling his body jerk in response to the stimulation. He did it again, and again, and Bones started to whimper with each pass of his finger over the gland. After a few minutes, Jim used his other hand to massage the lower part of Bones' hard shaft, and while he was squirming under that touch, Jim carefully introduced a second finger. He didn't think Bones even noticed under the intensity of the other stimulation.

Leonard gasped and raised his head as he felt Jim start to use another finger inside of him. How many was that? Two? Three? He had no idea. All he knew was that his he felt like he was going to fly apart in a million pieces, the feel of Jim pressing in and out of him, carefully stretching him, grazing his prostate with his fingertips on almost every pass, making him shake and moan. And as Jim massaged his penis, too, bringing him right to the brink of orgasm, he didn't think he could handle much more. Chest heaving, Leonard thrashed his head from side to side.

"J-Jim," he gasped. "Gonna c-come. Please, please," he ground out.

Immediately, Jim let up on what he was doing.

"Oh, no…not yet," Jim said. "I want you to come when I'm in you."

Bones arched his back and hissed at the sudden loss of stimulation. His body shook and he felt like a breath across his cock would make him come right now.

"Oh  _god_!" he cried out. "Please, come on Jim, I have to come."

Jim hadn't wanted to rush, and Bones was pretty well stretched out…three fingers had worked to loosen the muscle with plenty of lube. He seemed ready. Jim was still rock hard, had been for a while, and leaking. He quickly spread some lube over himself and gently pressed against Bones.

"Bones," Jim said hoarsely. "Push out as I push in, okay?" Leonard nodded, opening his eyes to watch as Jim started to sink inside of him. Leonard groaned, arching his neck back to press his head against the pillow. This was unlike anything he'd ever felt before…the stretch, the burn…he panted shallowly and grasped Jim's arms, struggling with the urge to tense up against the unfamiliar sensations.

Keeping his eyes on Bones' face, Jim paused, gritting his teeth, as he waited for him to adjust. He could feel Bones clamping down on him, and he fought to stay still. When he had enough breath to talk, supported over Leonard on shaking arms, he leaned down and kissed him.

"Try to relax, Bones. Push out." Jim said, aware that he Bones was losing his erection with the discomfort of initial penetration.

Leonard kept his eyes squeezed shut, but nodded in understanding, grunting with the effort of doing as he was told. The burn was lessening, and he just felt the uncomfortable stretch as Jim sank another couple of inches inside of him. Jim paused again, again waiting out the feel of Bones' muscles fluttering around him. They continued like that for a couple of minutes, until Jim was pressed completely inside, surrounded by tight heat that took his breath away. Laying over him, Jim looked down into Bones' face, noting the tension there, and for the first time feeling the iron grip Bones had on his arms. He kissed him, urging him to unclench his jaw. Slowly, Bones' features relaxed and he opened his eyes. Jim smiled at him, kissing him again.

He could feel Jim shaking, could see the strain of being so still on his face, but he wasn't moving….wasn't going to move until he gave him the okay. Leonard turned his attention to what he was feeling. No pain…not really. He felt uncomfortably stretched, and very, very full. Nothing horrible…nothing great, either.

"Bones," Jim groaned out, "Can I move?"

"Yeah," he said through clenched teeth. "Move, Jim. Just…slow."

With a small whimper of relief, Jim started to pull out slowly, and Leonard closed his eyes against the strange feel of it. Jim thrust back in carefully, and Leonard grunted in surprise as he pushed past his prostate. Jim paused, gasping, until Leonard's hips twitched.

"Jim…god, do that again!"

He obliged, pulling out again slightly, and thrusting back in. Bones groaned again at the feel of it, and Jim didn't wait this time, repeating the movements. Jim settled into a slow rhythm that was both torturous and exhilarating, his gasping cries mingling with Bones'. When Bones started to meet him thrust for thrust, trying to urge Jim in deeper and harder, Jim felt his control start to slip and he grunted with every breath. 

Forcing himself to use every ounce of self-control he had, Jim moved steadily, even as he balanced that edge, until he just couldn't take it any more.

"Bones…gonna come," Jim gasped, forcing himself to still his movements. Bones clamped down around him and grunted, pulling Jim into him as hard as he could with his legs wrapped around Jim's waist and crossed at his ankles.

"Come…come…Jim," he gasped, tightening himself around him, urging him to let go.

With a shout, Jim spurted deep inside Bones. He quickly reached between them and stroked Bones firmly, wanting to bring him off with him. Leonard arched his back, the position forcing Jim's cock against his prostate. That and the feel of Jim jerking his cock had him coming in seconds, messily between their sweaty bodies. Bones cried out in relief, bucking against Jim, his body tightening mercilessly around him, making him shake with oversensitivity. Bones came so hard he saw stars, and he was pretty sure Jim blacked out for a second there, his body going limp against him as he rode out his own orgasm. It was minutes before real awareness returned to either of them.

Breathing hard, their breaths echoed each other. Slowly, Leonard lowered his legs to rest on either side of Jim's body, and Jim pushed his face against Leonard's neck, his hot breath rushing out across his collarbone and shoulder. Bones held him, bringing his hand up to gently cup the back of Jim's head, feeling his sweat dampened hair. They lay there, shaking against each other, both to overcome to do anything for a little while.

After a couple of moments, Jim raised his head and kissed him, slow and deep, relishing the closeness and tangible love. Catching Bones' eyes, he fell into the warm hazel gaze and lost himself in everything he saw there. Jim gently pushed Bones' hair off his forehead, and shifted minutely, wincing with slight discomfort. They were still connected, and Jim was rapidly softening, but he was incredibly sensitive. He didn't move though, not wanting to cause Bones any discomfort, and waited until he could slip easily from his body. Bones grimaced at the wet, sticky,  _squishy_  feeling he was left with and Jim chuckled slightly.

"I'll get a cloth," Jim offered. Bones shook his head, tightening his hold on Jim, and he acquiesced quickly, happy to stay securely in Bones' arms…for now. For ever.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up where Jim and Bones left off on the night of their 6-month anniversary. Later, Jim deals with some school issues before the start of the year.

Sometime later, Jim was drifting. Not asleep; yet not all that awake either. Breathing softly behind him, Bones was pressed up against his back. His arm was draped around Jim's waist, holding him securely against his body; nothing separating them. The fan, making a soft, rhythmic  _click click click_  sound in the room cooled him, evaporating the sweat from his bare skin, while the heat at his back kept him comfortably warm. Jim inhaled deeply, the heady scent of them detectable, and Bones murmured softly in return.

Jim wasn't sure how long they lay together like that, quiet, content in their rest. He may have dozed a bit, but he didn't want to fall completely asleep. Didn't want to miss one second of this night with Bones. Because as big a deal as Jim knew this was for Bones, it was a pretty big deal for him too. Not because of the sex – he'd had sex in many of its possible permutations before – but because this wasn't just sex. It was making love. And he'd never done that before. He hadn't even really realized there was any difference. And while the other things he'd done with Bones before now were all just as special, none of it had been quite like this.

Amused at his half-awake ponderings at how sappy he'd so easily become because of Bones, Jim snorted softly.

"Mmm?" Bones hummed questioningly behind him, and Jim squeezed his clasped hands.

"Nothing," he whispered, gently trailing his fingers over Bones' forearm. After another moment, Jim shifted, turning around to face Bones. He wanted to see and kiss and touch, and he wanted to make sure Bones was…okay…too. Jim settled on his other side and smiled as Bones drew closer to him, pressing their bodies together. They kissed softly, Bones' strong hands stroking down Jim's flank and over his hip, then back up over his shoulder and back. Jim shivered, goosebumps raising on his skin, delighting in the feel of it, and his hand tightened on the back of Bones' neck, squeezing gently.

After a couple of moments of gentle kissing and caressing each other, Jim felt his body begin to respond, and Bones felt it too, making a small sound that Jim caught with his lips, before pulling away to breathe. Jim kept his eyes on Bones, and when his hazel looked up and met Jim's blue, he had to catch his breath at what he saw there. So clear, in the small, still slightly shy smile and the look in his eyes…like Jim was something precious to him. Like he was someone to be treasured. Like he was cherished.

No one had ever looked at him like that before.

Feeling himself get embarrassingly choked up, Jim covered, feeling more than a little foolish, by widening his smile and leaning in to kiss Bones again.

"So," Jim said, lightly. "How'd you like it?"

Bones' eyes widened in surprise as he flushed slightly and chuckled, glancing away for a moment, before meeting Jim's eyes again. "Amazing," he replied. "You were amazing…you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that with you. It was…so much more than what I was expecting. Thank you for waiting for me."

Jim found he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. "Bones, you are always worth waiting for. And you were pretty fantastic yourself. No one's ever made me feel the way you do, and that just made everything so much better than I ever realized it could be."

Bones stared at him for a moment, the weight of those words settling between them, and he drew Jim to him again, holding him tightly, tangling their legs together. Jim squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his face to Bones' neck. He felt oddly exposed, but it wasn't uncomfortable, and he was content to stay there, cocooned in Bones' arms, surrounded by his strength.

And content though Jim was, his body was becoming interested in the fact that because they were pressed so tightly together, every shift amplified the feelings against bare, sensitive skin. After a couple of minutes of just allowing the sensations to wash over him, Jim became aware that Bones was responding as well, and had started to move very slightly, in a more rhythmic fashion. Jim smiled against Bones' neck and kissed him there, making him squirm in ticklishness as he latched on to that sweet spot, tasting the slightly salty tang of Bones' skin.

"Jim," Bones panted a moment later, "ohhh – you feel so good."

"Mmm…wanna go again?" Jim asked, thrusting his growing hardness against Bones.

"Yes...but…" Bones trailed off and Jim pulled back to look at him.

"Sore?" he asked. Bones flushed again and nodded slightly. Suddenly concerned that he'd been too fast, or not prepared Bones enough, Jim asked, "You're not hurt, though, are you?"

"No," Bones answered, flashing him a quick smile. He didn't want Jim to worry needlessly, especially since he'd been so careful and so gentle. "I'm fine. I know what I'm feeling is normal."

Jim gave him an understanding smile. Reaching around Bones' hip, he slipped his fingers between Bones' cheeks and gently massaged the ring of muscle, still slippery with lube and come, with the pad of his finger. Bones jumped, squirming until the feeling of the careful touch went from just this side of too much to almost comfortable. After a moment, he closed his eyes and groaned, his grip tightening on the pillow beneath his head.

"That will go away in a day or so," Jim said quietly over the sound of Bones' heavier breaths. "And every time will be easier and the soreness will be less and less."

Bones grinned and opened his eyes as Jim withdrew his fingers, keeping his arm draped comfortably over Bones' hip. "So, you're telling me practice makes perfect?" he asked, playfully letting his fingers trail down Jim's side, making him convulse with ticklishness.

Jim chuckled and grabbed Bones' arm, stopping him from tickling him any further.

"Can't tell me it's not a good excuse," he replied, kissing Bones again. "We can do whatever you want, then. Or…we could try it the other way, with you on top, if you're up for it."

Leonard considered that briefly, holding Jim's gaze. Nothing but love and trust was in those eyes, and he felt himself responding to that. After his experience with Jim, he found that idea didn't make him feel quite as squeamish about accidentally hurting him. He was still worried, but Jim had been careful, essentially showing him what to do. But still…

Jim saw the conflict – saw that he wanted to, but was still hesitant about it. So Jim pulled away slightly and reached down to grasp Bones' nearly completely firm erection, making him arch and gasp. Jim stroked him slowly, keeping his unlubricated grip loose.

"We can do it so I'm in control of the penetration," he said, stroking again. "If you want to, Bones, only if you want to. I'm just as happy getting you off like this," a teasing smile on his lips as he let his fingers rub over the head, causing Bones to jump at the feel of it.

"God…Jim…" Bones thrust into his loose grip, trying to keep his wits about him enough to think.

"Do you want to try it, Bones? Tell me…whatever you want," Jim said, kissing Bones' neck as he kept his touch too gentle to be satisfying. He felt Bones' hot breath as he panted, and then he was pulling away, unable to take it anymore. He looked up at Jim from under his lashes.

"I want to watch you get yourself ready," Bones said. He looked around for the lube, reaching for it and handing it to Jim. "Will you?"

Jim flushed slightly, but nodded, thrilled at the boldness he was seeing in Bones.

"Lie down," Jim said. Bones did as he was told, shifting so he was lying on his back. Jim knelt to his side, and slicked his fingers up. The flush worked its way down Jim's neck and chest, suffusing his fair complexion with becoming color. He bit his lip and closed his eyes as he sank a finger into himself. Bones watched as Jim worked himself open, adding another finger before too long. Jim groaned as he teased himself, groaned again as Bones sat up and leaned forward to take the tip of Jim's already hard cock into his mouth. He shook as Bones circled the head with his tongue and was left gasping, supporting himself on trembling legs when Bones let him go after just that brief touch.

"You're so beautiful," Bones said, kneeling up to reach Jim's mouth, taking his panting breaths in. Jim kissed him back hungrily, and added a third finger. Bones felt the full body shudder as he reached down and circled Jim's fingers and the stretched skin with his thumb. He wound an arm around Jim's waist, providing support and relishing the heat of him against his skin. He kissed him, thoroughly exploring Jim's mouth, mimicking the thrusting motions Jim was making into himself with his tongue. Jim whined as Bones drew his fingertips softly up and down Jim's cock, teasing him.

Unable to take it anymore and satisfied that he was ready, Jim removed his fingers and pulled back, urging Bones to lie down again with his body weight. Bones did as directed and Jim squirted some lube into his palm, reaching to thoroughly slick Bones' erection. He thrust into Jim's grip, clenching the sheets in his hands.

"Bones," Jim said, sounding breathless. Bones opened his eyes to focus on him, any lingering worry or nervousness he may have felt dissolved completely into arousal. "I'm going to lower myself on to you, okay?"

"Yeah," he replied, sparing a thought to appreciate that even in the middle of all of this, Jim cared about him so much, he still had the presence of mind to explain and ask, before doing something that they hadn't done before. "Love you so much," he said.

Jim brushed a lock of dark hair off Bones' forehead and smiled. "I love you too," Jim replied. Then he straddled Bones, crouching above him. Grasping the base of Bones' erection in one hand, he balanced with his other hand on Bones' tensed stomach muscles. Carefully – it'd been a while for him – Jim lowered himself onto Bones' cock. They both gasped at the breach of the tight muscle, and Jim stayed still for a moment, adjusting.

Leonard couldn't keep his eyes off Jim's face, taking in his expression of tense concentration as he slowly allowed more of his cock to sink into him. Leonard groaned, fighting to stay still and let Jim do this at his pace, the tight heat of Jim's body more intense than he was expecting. Jim leaned forward slightly, sinking down another inch and planting both hands on Leonard's stomach. Leonard reached up to him, running his hands over Jim's body, stroking his cock, tweaking his nipples, before letting his hands settle on Jim's hips, squeezing as Jim moaned and panted harshly, sweat beading on his forehead. He rocked himself slightly, working more of Leonard into his body, and Leonard pressed his heels into the mattress turning his head restlessly as he tried to deal with this new, exquisite sensation and stay still, when all he wanted to do was thrust up.

He could feel Jim's legs shaking against his body with the strain of holding his own weight, and they both groaned when Jim finally took the last of Leonard inside him, and was seated directly on his hips. Leonard stroked Jim's body, murmuring to him as Jim's chest heaved, tremors running through him. Leonard stroked Jim's cock with one hand and tweaked his sensitive nipples with the other, his breath catching as he felt Jim's muscles fluttering around him in response to the additional stimulation. Jim bit his lip and rotated his hips, crying out as he made Leonard brush against his prostate. He did it again, this time raising up slightly before letting himself sink down again. Leonard keened, the tight, hot, slick slide of flesh on flesh making him grip Jim's hips so tightly he was sure he was bruising him.

They fell into a slow rhythm then, Jim setting a torturous pace, and it wasn't long before Leonard started thrusting his hips up to meet Jim slightly, unable to keep still. Jim grunted with each breath, alternately leaning down to kiss Bones and sitting up to lift himself nearly completely off of him. Their harsh breathing and panted curses and pleas getting louder and more urgent the longer Jim forced them to draw it out, keeping a stubbornly slow pace, despite the shaking in their limbs. Finally unable to take much more, Leonard began stroking Jim firmly, forcing a yell out of him and making him lose his rhythm.

"Jim, Jim…I'm gonna come,  _uh, oh!_ …please-" Leonard groaned, pressing his head back and thrusting up as hard as he could as Jim pushed himself down.

"C-Come for me, Bones. Come on, want to feel it in me," Jim gasped out. He stilled, pressing down hard on Bones and rotating his hips again, clenching at the same time. Leonard grunted and arched, and then bucked as his orgasm washed over him.

"Jim! Oh – yeah…oh, uh…" He grunted and thrust, Jim unbelievably tight around him. The feel of Leonard hitting his prostate as he bucked threw Jim over the edge and he came moments later, shooting cum over Bones' stomach and chest. Bones closed his fist over him and stroked Jim firmly sthrough his orgasm, pulling every pulse of come out of him until he was nearly sobbing. Shuddering hard, Bones still pressed deeply inside him, Jim concentrated on breathing, his breath choppy. After a couple of minutes, he slumped down, shifting carefully, holding his weight above Bones' body. Shaky himself, Bones reached up to Jim, winding his arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss that stole the breath right out of him.

"Oh, god, Bones…so good…" Jim groaned as they parted to breathe.

Leonard winced as Jim shifted again, carefully freeing him from his body. Totally spent, Jim lowered himself down further, unable to support his weight any more. Bones' arms came up around him, holding him tightly. Jim rested his head on Bones' shoulder, his breath hitting Bones' neck, and he closed his eyes, letting himself rest.

"Am I crushing you?" he asked Leonard after a couple of moments, aware that he was no lightweight and he was still lying on Bones.

"No, Darlin' I'm fine. Very comfortable," he replied, gently drawing his hands up and down Jim's back, raising goosebumps as he went.

"Mmm…love it when you call me Darlin'," Jim said with a contented smile, doing a fair impression of Bones' drawl.

Bones grinned. "Darlin' - that was…I don't even know how to describe it. Incredible comes to mind."

Jim huffed a quiet laugh and pressed a kiss to his neck. "Told you. Hey!" he jumped slightly when Bones gave his ass a pinch.

"Yeah, yeah…you know everything," he said.

"'S right – and don't you forget it," Jim replied, raising his head to give him a proper kiss, loving how responsive and open Bones was to him, more than ever before. They rested in silence then, their bodies relaxing into the comfortable lethargy, allowing it to wash over them as they held each other.

After a few minutes, Bones roused himself enough to take stock of their situation. "You know," he said. "If we fall asleep like this, we're going to be all stuck together." He shifted slightly, feeling the uncomfortable itch of drying fluids on his stomach and chest. He grimaced and gently patted Jim's back when he didn't answer. "We should wash up at least a little. Jim…"

Jim hid a smile against his skin and gave an exaggerated snore. Bones rolled his eyes and poked his sides, knowing how ticklish he was. Jim convulsed and laughed, squirming off of him and settling back down at his side. They held each other's gazes and kissed again, the thought of getting up to wash a bit gone again.

Turning into Jim's embrace with a contented sigh, Leonard found he was surprisingly okay with that.

 

* * *

 

There was something about the beginning of a school year that Jim just loved, and Monday morning found him happily in his element. Putting the finishing touches on his classroom, reviewing the new materials just one more time, getting his new roster and reading through the student files – that was all part of it. Each new year held such potential and excitement, and the energy that buzzed through the halls as colleagues greeted each other and everyone worked on making sure things were ready to go for the students' first day was nearly tangible.

Having done the deep cleaning and organizing at the beginning of the summer, Jim found there wasn't a whole lot to do beyond opening the windows to get the air circulating and giving flat surfaces a quick wipe down. Sitting at his desk, he went through his email, reading notices about scheduling library time, Sulu's general emails about IT issues and a tutorial on a new program that teachers were expected to use for their grades, a reminder from Jean about the faculty meeting today…all the normal, beginning of the school year stuff. Done with that, he tabbed through the student files, reading up on his new group of 15 munchkins. Nothing jumped out at him as needing special attention. It looked like this year's group was going to be a good one.

Glancing at the clock, he saw he had about twenty minutes before that faculty meeting, and he wanted to check just one more thing before heading out. Using his Student Guidance login, he called up Joanna's screens. After he'd handed his student assessment of Joanna over to the school's Guidance Counselor, Elizabeth Dehner, he hadn't heard anything about it, so he'd assumed that it had been entered with no problem. Quickly reviewing the information on the screen, he was happy to see that was the case...until he got down to the comments section. His comments were there, but so were Elizabeth's.

_Student displays signs of social underdevelopment, consistent with the documented possible effects of children from single parent households, a situation that is further complicated by the mother's abandonment and the father's alternate lifestyle. Further, the student's inability to establish and maintain appropriate social contacts within a classroom setting has the potential to retard intellectual development, as well as slow the classroom process because of extra one-on-one attention needed throughout the day._ _**Action:** _ _It is recommended that student participate bi-weekly in the social development group activities and reassess after the first nine weeks. Parent to be informed._

Anger built in Jim as he read her note, at her unilateral decision to enroll Joanna in a program that was generally reserved for students with much more serious developmental issues than Joanna ever displayed. She simply didn't belong in that group, and she was smart enough to realize that she didn't belong there. It would probably make her feel uncomfortably singled out. And the way Elizabeth characterized Joanna's classroom needs were totally off base. Jim's classroom was never slowed down – usually she was the one waiting for them to catch up to her. But what really pissed him off was the way she described what had happened to the McCoy family, Leonard's role in her life, and by default, his role as well. She knew they were together, and she had the audacity to all but accuse them of causing Jo distress because of their "alternate lifestyle".

Fuming, and with a sinking feeling in his stomach, he flipped screens to see Jo's assigned teacher for this coming year.

"Son of a  _bitch,_ " he muttered. Printing out the screen with Elizabeth's comments and the screen with the teacher assignment, he stood abruptly, shoving his chair away from the table. The date of change was a little less than a week ago, which meant that a form notice about the change in first grade teacher would probably be arriving at the house today. He wanted to be able to assure Bones that the situation was handled before the first day of school. No one needed the stress of trying to deal with that kind of administrative issue – Joanna would be anxious enough as it was. And so would Bones, probably.

As he made his way to the Media Center for the faculty meeting, Jim thought about how to handle this. Elizabeth was the head of the Guidance Department, and she'd been doing her job for upwards of twenty years…there was no doubt she was good at what she did. But, Jim also knew that she was very conservative with the way she approached student care, always erring on the side of extreme caution. Also, Jim was well aware that she didn't care for him. He didn't  _think_  it was personal, though, but more of a professional jealousy. Maybe.

Nyota likely didn't know about the situation yet…the principal of course did not sign off on every student – teacher change, and the assessment had been signed off by the K-2 Assistant Principal Ben Finney. While Jim had the really strong desire to confront Elizabeth and bring this right to Nyota, Jim recognized going over Ben's head would be in very bad form. And so would trying to talk to Elizabeth. Ben was a fair guy – he and Jim got on very well, and he'd never had any trouble with him over student issues before. So, he decided that was the best route. Bring his case to the AP, and try to get things resolved that way.

And if that didn't work, then he'd go to Nyota. Because he'd be damned if was going to let Elizabeth get away with this.

As he chose a seat in the Media Center, Jim let his eyes rove over the crowd of his colleagues, smiling a friendly "hello" to people he hadn't seen in a while. He located Ben and decided to catch him as soon as the meeting was over. Didn't see Elizabeth, though, and he wondered at that. Attendance at faculty meetings was mandatory, but if she wasn't on campus today, then the probability of getting this straightened before the end of the day was a lot lower.

Focusing his attention on the matters at hand, he listened as Nyota ran through the agenda for the meeting. Pretty standard stuff for the beginning of the year, and nothing that was a real surprise to him. One major change was the policies concerning school security. There were now tighter regulations in place, especially on days when the campus might be more open than usual, like field days. There was some grumbling about the added minor daily inconveniences, but remembering the stress of that last day of school, the panic and fear over what had nearly happened, Jim was ready to embrace all the changes without a second thought.

At the end of the faculty meeting, Jim made his way through the tables to where Ben Finnegan sat and took a seat, waiting for him to finish the conversation he was having with another teacher.

"Ben," Jim said with a smile a few minutes later. "Good to see you. Have a good summer?" They shook hands and Ben nodded.

"Yeah, it was great…the boys enjoyed camp, the wife enjoyed visiting her sister in Colorado, and I enjoyed the house to myself. How 'bout you?" he asked. Jim engaged him in small talk for a couple of minutes before steering the conversation to the situation at hand.

"Listen, I was checking up on some student files from last year, and I came across something that was…unexpected. If you have some time, I'd like to try to get this worked out before the child's first day."

"Uh, yeah. Can you meet me in my office in about 30? I'm going to grab some lunch."

Jim smiled and nodded. "Sure, thank you."

 

* * *

 

Thirty minutes later found Jim waiting patiently as Ben reviewed Joanna's assessment, Jim's recommendations, and Elizabeth's additions.

"I do remember this – Joanna McCoy. She's got some of pretty high achievement scores."

Jim smiled, proud of the little girl. "Yeah, she's something else," he agreed. Ben looked up at Jim over his reading glasses.

"So, basically, what I'm seeing here is a difference in opinion over the severity of the lack of social development," Ben summed up.

Jim nodded. "Well, that, and the course of action to take, including whose classroom she should be in this year."

"And you think that should be Chapel because…"

Jim shrugged slightly and leaned back in his chair. "Chris is good at getting her students to open up, intellectually and otherwise. She's got a very nurturing character, and kids respond to that. Joanna isn't developmentally delayed or challenged in any way. She's introverted and shy, and not very talkative in social situations, but it doesn't rise to the level that constitutes enrolling her in the group program Elizabeth suggested, or shifting her to a Special Ed. track. She doesn't always choose to, but she is  _capable_  of interaction," Jim said, stressing that important, decisive point.

Ben didn't answer, but nodded, flipping back to the page with the additional comments.

"And the concern Elizabeth has regarding 'the father's alternate lifestyle'?" It was phrased as a question, and Jim hesitated. He wasn't sure if Ben knew that he and Leonard were together, and further, he wasn't sure if the fact that they were would matter to him.

"Leonard McCoy is completely devoted to his daughter. His life has been built around hers. There is no way he could have a negative impact on Joanna's development. On the contrary, he has taken great care to make sure that she is raised with every possible advantage," he replied, certainty firm in his voice.

"And…you know that because you're part of Mr. McCoy's lifestyle, right?" Ben asked, glancing back up. Jim was careful not to react, but he felt his insides pulling tight in annoyance. It was obvious that Ben wasn't really asking, but looking for confirmation. That was just the proof that Elizabeth had already told the AP all about it, including Jim's relationship. That pissed him off. His private life was his. She had no right.

"I am," Jim said evenly, holding Ben's gaze without allowing the slightest bit of concern or ire enter his expression.

"And you don't think that compromises your judgment?"

"No, I don't," Jim said sincerely. "As a matter of fact, I think it makes me uniquely qualified to offer an opinion. I've had the opportunity to observe Joanna in social, classroom-based and familial situations, which is why I believe I have a better grasp of things. To my knowledge, Elizabeth has never even interacted with Joanna for more than a few sentences and is basing most of her opinion on passive observation." Jim paused, taking stock of the vibe he was getting. Still positive, all things considered. "You know my background, Ben. I may not have as much practical experience as Elizabeth, but I'm no slouch in the area."

"I know that Jim," Ben said, setting the papers down and removing his reading glasses. "And honestly, I tend to agree with you, for the most part. But I can't make a change like this, against Elizabeth's recommendation, without at least talking to her first."

"Is she here today?"

"No – she's at the district office today. I think she'll be here sometime tomorrow, though. I'll talk to her when I see her and we'll go from there."

Jim checked a sigh. So much for getting it taken care of today. But at least he'd have some pretty good news to pass along to Bones.

"Great, thank you." Jim started to stand, but Ben motioned that he should stay seated. Jim lowered himself back down, looking at the older man questioningly. He looked a little uncomfortable, which made Jim wary of whatever was coming next.

"Jim – you've always struck me as a "cards-on-the-table" type guy. And I get the sense that, like me, you have about zero tolerance for office politics – especially when we should all be working together towards the same things…the best for our students."

Jim nodded his agreement with those sentiments. "That's right."

"Thought so. So, I'm not going to beat around the bush, here," Ben continued. "Personally, I couldn't care less who people decide to spend their time with – unless the line between personal and professional gets too blurry. And this…your relationship with the McCoys, and acting on her behalf here…this is too blurry for my comfort. To be frank, you shouldn't have done Joanna's assessment, and I'd like to recommend that you take a little more care to keep things at home and things at work separate. You're one of the good ones, Jim, but it doesn't take a lot to get people up in arms, especially considering your relationship with her father – even here. I would hate to see your hard work and opportunities get buried under personal details that shouldn't matter, but will if people think you've used your position."

Apparently, Elizabeth hadn't seen fit to share a bit of actually  _relevant_  information.

Jim was going to rectify that immediately. "I appreciate that Ben – especially the potential conflict of interest. Which is why I talked to Nyota about it first. I had her clearance to do Joanna's assessment," he said, keeping his voice level. He spared a thought to feel a twinge of guilt for putting Nyota out there like that, but she was the principal. She could handle any disagreement an AP might have with one of her decisions, especially over something as innocuous as this.

There was a pause as Ben considered that, surprise crossing his features. "Really," he said finally.

Jim nodded. "Yes. We talked about that, as well as which teacher Jo should have this year, and whether or not she should stay in kindergarten or advance a year."

"Did Elizabeth know that?" Ben asked.

Jim's eyebrows raised. "Oh, yes. We discussed it via email before Jo came in."

"Can you forward me the trail – I'd like to have the full picture here."

"Sure." Jim stood, and this time so did Ben. "Thanks for your help," Jim said gratefully, shaking Ben's hand.

"Of course. And Jim – to go along with what I said earlier – I would ask that you keep confidential work product confidential, and consider what you would tell any other parent in this situation."

Jim nodded, understanding the message, and took his leave.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of first grade starts off a little rocky at home; Leonard and Elizabeth meet.

"Daddy, do I  _have_ to go to school tomorrow?" Joanna asked, reluctantly climbing into her bed. Leonard snapped the light on her bookcase off, and considered her for a moment. This had been a theme over the last couple of days. It wasn't a complete surprise, but he had thought the excitement would eventually take over the trepidation.

"You're going to have so much fun, Jo," he said, sitting on the edge of her bed and reaching to turn on the sound machine. "Stephanie is going to be in your class. And so are some of the other kids you already know. And Miss Chapel was so nice, wasn't she, when we met her the other day?"

"I guess," she said with a shrug, fiddling with the floppy ear of her stuffed dog. Leonard stroked her hair and urged gently shifted her over so he could sit beside her, stretching his legs out the length of her child-sized bed. Abandoning the toy, she clambered onto him, snuggling into his chest, her little legs tucked on either side of his hips. Propped up on her headboard, Leonard looked down at the dark head resting at his sternum and then bent to drop a kiss on her. He stroked down her back, giving her a squeeze.

"Can you tell me why you don't want to go to school tomorrow?" Leonard asked. It wasn't the first time he'd asked, but beyond a simple shrug and a 'I don't know', no real reason seemed forthcoming before. Joanna shifted slightly, staying quiet for a few moments.

"What if no one likes me?" she finally asked, raising her head to look up at him.

Leonard quelled the immediate response of 'Of course everyone will like you', that was on the tip of his tongue. Because as sure as he was that his little girl was the sweetest thing and practically perfect, of course not everyone was going to "like" her. That's just not the way things worked.

"You already have some friends in the class," he said instead. "Stephanie likes you and Christy likes you too. And you played with other kids in the class sometimes too, didn't you?"

"Yeah. And Janie and Kimmie, but they don't go to my school," Joanna said.

Leonard smiled at her and tapped her nose. "See – lots of people like you. I bet you're going to make some new friends tomorrow."

Joanna lay her head back down on her father's chest. "But what if no one talks to me?" she asked, still not ready to let it go.

This was something that Jim had noticed and brought to his attention early on last year. Basically, because Jo wasn't really all that responsive to most of the kids, opting to play by herself or with only a couple of kids in the class, the other children reacted in kind, and stopped trying to get her to engage with them. Leonard hadn't worried about it very much at the time, given the circumstances and the timing – it was always hard to join a new school so late in the year anyway. But Jo was going to be with this group for a full year, and he wanted her to have a good one. He didn't mind the fact that she was introverted and on the shy side, and he was never going to be the kind of parent who incessantly pushed and nagged his child to be and act more like everyone else. But he didn't want her to end up isolated, either.

"Well, Darlin', you have to do some talkin' too, if you want other kids to talk to you. If you show them how friendly and nice you are first, they'll be friendly to you back. Can we make a deal?"

"What's the deal Daddy?" Joanna asked, raising her head to look at him again, her interest peaked. Joanna could never resist a deal or a challenge. He smiled at her, and pushed her hair behind her ear, smoothing it down.

"If you talk to someone at school tomorrow who you don't know yet, we'll go out for dinner to celebrate the first day of first grade. What do you think?"

"Umm…do I get to pick where we go?" Joanna asked, not so easily played.

"Okay," Leonard agreed. "You can pick. Think about where you want to go and we'll talk about it tomorrow when I get home. Sound good?"

Joanna nodded. "I'll try, Daddy," she said. "Promise."

"That's my girl. Come on…" he sat up and gently shifted her to lie down. "Got your Benji?"

"Yup." She held it up and he dutifully kissed the well-loved stuffed animal. She tucked him to her side as Leonard pulled up her blanket. He leaned down to kiss her and she wrapped an arm around his neck, hugging him tightly. "Love you Daddy."

"I love you too, Baby, so much. You have sweet dreams and I'll see you in the morning." He stood and moved to the doorway where weak light from the family room provided more illumination than the nightlight in the corner.

"Daddy?" Joanna called as he was pulling her door closed.

"Yes?" he said, sticking his head back in the room.

"Can Uncle Jim come say goodnight too?"

Leonard smiled, knowing that he'd love that. "Sure. I'll tell him to come in." Leaving her door ajar, he headed back to the kitchen, where he could hear Jim finishing cleaning up from dinner.

"Hey," Jim said, looking over his shoulder at Leonard from the sink when he heard him come in. "She asleep?"

Leonard joined him at the counter, their shoulders brushing as he reached for a dishtowel to start drying some of what was resting in the dishrack.

"Nope – she wanted you to go in and say good night to her first."

"Yeah? Okay…" he snagged the dishtowel and dried his hands, obviously happy that Joanna had asked for him, if the smile on his face was anything to go by. Leonard gave him a quick kiss.

"Don't let her talk you in to stories, or anything like that. And she's already been to the bathroom and had a drink of water," Leonard said, very familiar with the stall tactics of the five year old.

Jim smirked. "Got it," he said, squeezing Leonard's shoulder as he left him to finish the clean-up.

 

* * *

 

Leonard tried not to be annoyed. Really, he did.

He liked to be as ordered as possible – clothes laid out the night before, bags packed and waiting by the door, lunch made and stored in the refrigerator…and anything else he could think of to make sure that mornings that had the possibility of being stressful were as stress-free as possible. And for the most part, he was pretty successful. But there was one thing that could render any part of his preparation inconsequential, at any time, and her name was Joanna.

He was currently wiping the floor of spilled milk and Lucky Charms ( _"The perfect cereal to give us both luck for a good first day!" Jim had said._ ) while both Jim and Joanna were changing into dry, clean clothes. How Jo managed to douse them both with her spilled breakfast was completely beyond him.

"C'mon guys!" Leonard called. "Let's go!"

"Coming Daddy!"

"Be right there, Bones!"

Amused despite himself, Leonard made Jo a new bowl of breakfast and finished pouring he and Jim mugs of coffee.

"And…take two," Jim said, coming back into the kitchen, followed closely by Joanna. "Thanks for the coffee, Bones." He sat at the table and picked the mug up gratefully.

"Sorry Daddy," Jo said. "I didn't mean to."

"I know Darlin', it was just an accident. Eat up…and let's try to keep your bowl on the table this time," he said, glancing at his watch. They were still okay timewise. As they were finishing the second try at breakfast a few minutes later, the phone rang. Closest to it, and wondering who would be calling at seven in the morning, Jim reached for the handset.

"Hello?"

Leonard raised his eyebrows in question, and Jim shrugged, waiting for whoever was on the other end to speak.

"Hello?" he said again.

"Jim? It's Hannah. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to hear you and thought I had the wrong number," Hannah McCoy said, her voice reflecting her confusion.

Jim glanced at Leonard. "Oh…hi Hannah. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. I'm sure everyone's in a hurry over there, but I just wanted to wish Jo good luck on her first day. Can you put her on please?"

"Sure, one moment." Jim handed the phone to Joanna and met Leonard's eyes again.

"Hi Gramma!" Joanna said brightly. Leonard and Jim listened to her end of the conversation. "Yes, I'm ready. I got a new backpack and lunchbox. They match." A pause while she listened. "Miss Chapel…yes…okay. I'm gonna draw you a picture and ask Daddy to mail it…No, Daddy's taking me. Uncle Jim was already here. He lives here," she said matter-of-factly.

Jim cringed slightly and Leonard rolled his eyes. They hadn't told Hannah about their new status yet. Not because they were trying to keep anything from her purposely. He'd only been moved in for about a week, and Leonard just hadn't really thought about it. Now, though he wished he had. He had no doubt that she wasn't going to be thrilled about it, and finding out by accident was not going to help.

"Okay, Gramma. Love you too. 'Bye!" Joanna finished her conversation with Hannah and held the phone out to her father. "She wants to talk to you."

Leonard sighed and took the phone, giving Jim a significant look.

"Jo, let's go get our teeth brushed. C'mon," Jim said, standing and waiting for her to follow him. Watching them go, Leonard gave Jim a small, comforting smile.

"Hi Mom," he said.

"Son," she said, and then nothing else, simply waiting. Leonard squirmed slightly, annoyed at himself that although he was an adult, his mother could still make him feel like a teenager.

"Uh…so…I asked Jim to move in with us, and he did."

"When?" Hannah asked.

"A week ago," Leonard replied.

She sighed on the other end of the line, her exasperation coming through loud and clear. "Leonard, what are you doing?"

He hesitated, unsure what she meant by that. He thought he'd been clear with her…that he loved Jim, and didn't see that changing. Ever. "This morning I'm trying to get everyone out the door on time, Mom," he said, a little edge coming into his voice. "Thank you for calling Jo – I know she was excited to talk to you."

"Leonard," she said, her tone stopping him from hanging up. She sounded…sad. "I'm just concerned, Baby. I'm concerned for you, and for Jo. You can't really expect to build a life for her like this, can you? Have you thought about what kind of effect it's going to have on her, to have Jim living there – to see you two playing house? Is that the kind of example you want her to grow up with?"

Leonard took a steadying breath, doing his best to keep the volume of his voice down, even as the anger twisting through him made him want to yell. "You're out of line, Ma. Jo is part of every decision I make. And having Jim as an example of the kind of person she should grow up to be is nothing but good as far as I'm concerned. You know what, I'm not having this conversation with you now," he said. "We've got a school day to get to."

"We'll talk later, Son," Hannah said, her voice a little harder than before. "I do love you, you know."

"I know that, Ma, and I love you too. But that doesn't make everything okay. I have to go. Good bye." And he hung up. Replacing the handset, he did his best to quickly shake off the low mood the conversation had put him in as he moved the dishes to the sink, leaving them to deal with later.

Apparently, his mom could handle the abstract idea of her son being in a same-sex relationship, but making it concrete – by doing something like having Jim move in – made it too real for her. That was disheartening, though not entirely unexpected.

"Hey…" Jim said, coming into the kitchen. He pressed against Leonard's back as he stood at the sink, wrapping his arms around him to give him a squeeze. "Everything okay?"

Leonard sighed and turned around, putting a slight smile on his face. "Everything's...ok. Really," he added, seeing Jim's skeptical expression. "Where's Jo?"

"Putting on her shoes and getting her backpack," Jim replied, studying Leonard's face, taking in his expression. "Hannah's not happy, huh?"

Leonard gave him a quick, reassuring kiss. "She's just being an over-concerned parent. She'll get over it." He wasn't completely sure about that, but that's what he was choosing to believe. Joanna joined at that moment, overhearing that last exchange between them.

"Did I say something wrong to Gramma?" Joanna asked hesitantly, perceptive as ever, as she stood in the entryway to the kitchen. Leonard looked over Jim's shoulder.

"Nope, not at all Baby. So…got your stuff?" Leonard asked brightly.

Joanna nodded. "Yup."

"Your lunch?"

"Yup."

"How 'bout Uncle Jim? Does he have his lunch?" Leonard asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Jim grinned and rolled his eyes, retrieving the brown paperbag containing the lunch Joanna had insisted they make as they were making hers last night.

"Now I do!" Jim said with a smile.

"Okay…let's go!" Leonard said, herding them out of the kitchen.

At the school, Jim turned his car to the faculty parking lot, and Leonard turned his to the visitors' lot. Because Leonard was going to be going in late, he was going to have a later day, and Jim was going to bring Joanna home after school today, hence the separate cars. Stepping out of the car and freeing Jo from her booster seat, he shivered a little. It was a typical, foggy morning, and though he'd made sure Joanna had a sweater and was warm enough, he hadn't been as careful with himself, and found that his long-sleeved shirt and tie weren't enough to ward off the damp chill. He had a suit jacket in the front seat, but couldn't be bothered right then. They'd be inside soon enough.

Smiling a little, he helped Jo settle her backpack in place. It was nearly as wide as she was and covered her whole back, but it was the one she wanted…featuring none other but the main Disney Princesses. Taking her hand, they joined the other parents and kids streaming into the school for their first day. Leonard noticed the presence of several teachers and AP's, keeping a close eye on those coming and going. The first day was always hectic, and he appreciated their caution.

Miss Chapel was standing outside of her door, greeting parents and students as they walked in, checking the names off her list.

"Good morning Joanna! It's so good to see you!"

"Hi," Jo said quietly, tightly holding Leonard's hand.

She smiled brightly at the little girl and looked up at Leonard.

"Jo's name isn't on my roster, but I'm sure it's just because the change back hasn't gone through yet, since it was put in after noon yesterday," she said.

Leonard scowled slightly. Jim had explained what had happened, and the final result after speaking with the AP.

"So Joanna, why don't you and your dad go on in and see your desk and get settled, and then, Dr. McCoy, if you have a few minutes, drop by the Main Office on your way out."

"Sounds good to me," Leonard said, and Jo nodded. Thanks to Jim, he'd been prepared for this, which is why he'd made sure to arrange his day so that the morning was free. Heading into the classroom, he nodded to other parents. They found Joanna's cubbyhole, depositing her lunchbox and sweater, and then found her desk, pointing to the handmade sign that said "Joanna M." taped to the edge of it.

"Look Daddy!" Joanna said, pointing to the desk next to hers. He smiled – Stephanie was her neighbor. He helped her settle in, putting her crayons, a notebook, pencils and other supplies in the enclosed shelf built into the desk. All around them, children chattered excitedly, some with their parents, some without. Leonard crouched next to Joanna's desk – she was still clutching his hand, keeping him close. Deciding he would stay until Stephanie got there, he looked around the classroom with Joanna from the safety of her desk, pointing out things of interest and talking quietly and calmly to her.

He looked over at the door just as Stephanie came in the room, waving goodbye to her mother as she separated easily.

"Look who's here," he said, nudging Jo's shoulder. He smiled as her face lit up.

"Hi Joanna. Hi Mr. McCoy," Stephanie said happily.

Leonard stayed for another minute, then turned to say goodbye to Jo.

"Okay, Darlin'. You have fun today and I'll see you tonight," he said, giving her a hug.

"Daddy, do you have to go?" Joanna asked, her eyes getting wet as her lower lip trembled slightly.

_Damn,_ Leonard thought. Just as he was starting to think they were going to be able to avoid this. Cupping her head, he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"You know I do, Baby. Remember our deal?" he asked, brushing away a tear that slipped down her cheek.

"Yes," she said, sniffling a little.

He smiled encouragingly, wishing that she didn't feel nervous and could just enjoy her day. He was thrilled, though, that she was doing so, so much better than last year.

"Well, I can't wait to hear where we're going to dinner tonight, so don't forget, okay?" He looked up at the sound of another child crying, and saw a woman comforting her daughter a few desks over. Joanna looked over too, wiping her eyes. "Maybe you can make her feel better by saying hello. What do you think?"

Joanna shrugged. "Maybe," she said. "I just want to sit here for now."

"Okay Baby." He glanced up at the clock…they'd been there about ten minutes, and school was going to start in about three. He gave Joanna another hug. "See you tonight, Darlin'. Bye Stephanie. Have a good day."

"Bye Daddy."

"Bye Mr. McCoy."

And with one more wave, he headed out of the classroom. He stopped to talk to Christine on his way out.

"Joanna looks like she's doing well," she offered, looking over her shoulder into her room. "Oh…Rachael," she said, as another woman headed into her room. "Dr. McCoy, this is Rachael Boleg, my right hand in here."

They exchanged pleasantries, then Leonard turned back to Christine. "So, I'm going to head to the office. What was the guidance counselor's last name again?"

"Dehner," Christine answered. "But if she's not available, try Ben Finney. He's the Assistant Principal for K through 2."

"Right," Leonard said. "Jim gave me his name." He glanced back at his daughter, smiling as he saw her chatting with Stephanie. "Have a good day today, Ms. Chapel."

He headed down the hall as the bell rang, signaling the beginning of the day. Curious, and completely unable to help himself, he headed to Jim's classroom. The halls had cleared quickly when the bell rang, and he only passed a couple of adults and kids on his way there.

Stopping outside the window at Jim's room, it took a second to realize what he was doing, but then Leonard broke into a huge smile. The kids were sitting on the red rug in a semi-circle, their eyes riveted on Jim. Carefully holding his beloved bearded dragon, he was moving on his knees from child to child, encouraging them to gently pet the lizard. Crossing his arms over his chest, he watched for a few minutes, completely enamored with the way the Jim interacted with his young charges. He was so good at what he did…again, Leonard had a hard time imagining him giving up teaching to pursue the career he still thought he wanted. He watched for a couple of minutes, then continued to the Main Office, ready to get this taken care of once and for all.

It'd been obvious that Jim hadn't told him everything, and as someone bound by doctor/patient confidentiality laws, Leonard was able to understand and accept that, even if he wasn't happy with it. Basically, the situation as it stood was a disagreement between Jim and the Guidance Counselor over what type of learning environment is best for Jo. Apparently, Dehner was caught up on the fact that Jo tended to be on the quiet side, and she was giving that more weight than her intellectual capabilities. Which, as far as Leonard was concerned, was ridiculous. Jim had also carefully explained that she may have had a bit of a professional issue with Jim doing the assessment, and that could have been the cause for her dissension. Leonard was capable of reading between the lines, and he realized that there was more going on than what Jim had disclosed to him. And as protective he felt of his daughter, he was also feeling quite protective of Jim, and didn't want to do or say anything to put him in an uncomfortable spot.

So, as annoyed as he was, and as tactless as he tended to be, he was aware that he was going to have to tread lightly here, regardless of who he spoke to. Both individuals, Finney and Dehner, were people that Jim had to work with and answer to, in some capacity, and Leonard certainly didn't want to make his job harder by burning bridges.

Arriving at the Main Office, he waited to speak with the receptionist, Jean, and experienced a bit of déjà vu. It wasn't so long ago that he was in here, ready to pull Joanna from the school because of having Jim as a kindergarten teacher. The situation was a bit different now, but just a bit.

"Dr. McCoy, Ms. Dehner is available, if you'd like to speak with her," Jean said.

Leonard stood. He'd asked for either Dehner or Finney, whoever was available first. "Yes, thank you. Is Ms. Uhura here?" he asked, just in case it became necessary to involve her, or just to say hi, depending on how this meeting went.

"She's out on campus somewhere…she'll probably be back in a little while. Do you need to speak with her?"

Leonard shook his head. "No, thank you. If she was around I wanted to say hello. Maybe I'll catch her on the way out."

"I'm sure she'll be here soon. Ms. Dehner's office is down the hall, around the corner, and then the first door on the right."

Following her directions, Leonard knocked on the open door of a very orderly office, and an older woman looked up from her computer screen.

"Mr. McCoy?" she said, standing. "Please come in."

"Thank you for meeting with me," Leonard said, closing the door behind him. He crossed the small room in just a few steps and shook Elizabeth's hand. He sat, and didn't wait for the guidance counselor to start talking. He wanted control of this conversation from the start. "When I dropped Joanna off at Ms. Chapel's room, her name was still not on her roster. I'm sure it's just an administrative hold-up, but I wanted to make sure Joanna was officially where she belonged…and I also want to make sure that her classroom time isn't interrupted by any…extracurricular group meetings…that her whole class doesn't participate in."

Elizabeth blinked, slightly taken aback by the tone of voice. Usually parents were willing to work with her, taking her suggestions or coming up with alternate arrangements that she was still satisfied with. Leonard McCoy didn't sound like he was willing to work with her, and she was sure it was because of Kirk. He thought he knew a lot more than he did, but Elizabeth knew better. A degree didn't equate to the years of experience she had. And the fact that McCoy was simply…expecting that because they were…together…he would be treated differently, and get exactly what he wanted, whether or not it was what was best for Joanna, irked her.

Elizabeth was seriously annoyed by the situation. Being second-guessed by Jim Kirk, and being all but ordered by Ben Finney to do as Kirk said, because it was what the father wanted...and it was perfectly clear to her that what McCoy thought he wanted wasn't necessarily good for Joanna. The home situation illustrated that without question. How could he expect to raise a well-adjusted child given the circumstances – abandoned by the mother, moved across the country, away from family and the support system of her grandmother in place of any other female role model, and then asking her to accept the confusing situation of having a father be with another man…her teacher, nonetheless! It was no wonder the child, intelligent though she obviously was, couldn't relate to her peers. And if it were up to her, Jim Kirk would be dismissed for unprofessional conduct. But it wasn't up to her. Not yet anyway.

Keeping her face carefully blank of anything that might be construed as disapproval or annoyance, Elizabeth smiled slightly and took her glasses off.

"Mr. McCoy, first let me assure you that Joanna's well-being and education are our most pressing concerns. This school was built on the idea of nurturing the whole child, and helping our children to grow into well-rounded, responsible, and well-adjusted young adults. Everything we do is to work towards that, and we can only be successful by partnering with the parents. Although I have agreed to change Joanna's assignment back to Ms. Chapel, I wanted to talk to you first about some concerns I have."

Leonard pursed his lips and bit back his automatic response. He was here. She was the guidance counselor with many years' experience, and she sounded sincere enough. He may as well listen. But first…

"Ms. Dehner, I want to be perfectly honest with you. I am happy to hear you out, but I want to make sure you know that no matter your opinion, whatever I decide about what's best for Joanna will be what happens here today. As long as we have that understanding, then, please, go ahead."

 

* * *

 

Joanna stood to the side of the parent pick-up area, looking for her Uncle Jim. Her new teacher told her that he would meet them there, since he had to bring his class to parent pick-up too. She watched as the parents, mostly mommies, came and got the kids.

"There's my mommy," Stephanie said. She stood on her toes and raised her hand. Mrs. Wei saw her and headed over. She gave Stephanie a hug and kiss and looked down at Joanna.

"Hello Joanna. Did you have a good day today?" she asked kindly.

"Yes, thank you," Joanna replied.

"Are you waiting for your father?"

"No," Joanna said, feeling oddly self-conscious. "Uncle Jim is going to bring me home."

"Oh, okay. There he is…right there. You see him?" she asked, pointing him out.

Joanna nodded, then looked over Tracy, who was still holding her hand. "We're going to wait for Tracy's mom to come first."

Mrs. Wei smiled at her. "Okay, Joanna. See you later."

"Bye, Jo! Bye Tracy!" Stephanie called.

"Bye!" the girls waved and Tracy went back to looking for her mother.

"Do you see her yet?"

"No, not yet," Tracy replied, sniffling.

Joanna looked over at her and smiled. "Don't worry, she'll be here soon," she said. Tracy had been crying off and on all day. Her daddy had been right though, talking to her did make her feel better. Joanna liked being able to help someone like that, like Stephanie helped her last year. Tracy cried way more than she did, though.

A few minutes later Tracy's mom came, and they said goodbye. Joanna then turned her attention to finding her Uncle Jim again, and saw him right away.

"Hi, Uncle Jim," she said, coming up behind him and taking his hand.

He looked down at her and smiled. "Hey Joanna-banana! How was your day?"

"Good!" she said. "I made a new friend."

"Yeah? That's great! I want to hear all about it…there's just two more kids who are waiting for their parents, then we'll go back to my room and you can tell me all about your day and your new friend, okay?"

"Okay," she said happily, swinging their hands.

"Is that your daddy?" one of the kindergarteners asked Joanna.

She shook her head 'no'. "He's my Uncle Jim," she replied.

Jim waited to see if that would be enough of an answer for the little boy, and apparently it was because the next topic of conversation, that lasted until both kids were picked up, was whether the bearded dragon was a boy or a girl.

A few minutes later, they were back in Jim's room, Joanna reading the names on the cubbyholes.

"So, Jo, tell me about your day. Did you have fun?" Jim asked.

"Yeah. We have our own desks, and Stephanie sits next to me. We don't have the same kinds of work stations as you do, but we do have a Reading Rug – kinda like your red rug. And Miss Chapel has a hamster named Alfonso. And Tracy was the girl I talked to, and Daddy said if I did that I could choose where we have dinner tonight, and…"

Jim listened with a fond smile on his face as Joanna happily chatted away. He asked questions when appropriate, and the more Joanna talked, the more he was sure that he'd been right about where she belonged this year. He'd talked to Christine during lunch, and he knew that Jo wasn't on her official roster this morning. He hoped that Bones hadn't had any trouble with Elizabeth or Ben, but he hadn't wanted to ask either one of them before speaking with him, just in case.

A little while later, he and Joanna left his room and headed out to his car to go home and wait for Bones, before heading to Chik-Fil-A for dinner - Joanna's choice.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones is still dealing with his mother, and Jim is starting to worry that everything that is happening is going to have an effect on them. Jim and Joanna try something new with an unexpected result and a new direction.

By the time they got home, Jo was happily exhausted. The first day of school, topped by a fun hour and half at the indoor-playground at Chik-Fil-A, had completely wiped her out. Now, Leonard was intent on making sure she had a quick a quick bath, indulged her with a couple of stories, and then got her tucked into bed…and by a little bit after eight she was already sound asleep. The house was quiet, and Leonard worked on his laptop, having to pause the evening to finalize his class syllabus for the last time before submitting it for the next semester that was starting in a few days. Jim was using the time to quietly read through the final version of his dissertation, ready to just submit the damn thing already – he was so sick of looking at it; but he wasn't really concentrating, paying more attention to the television on low than the laptop propped in his lap.

Jim was feeling too keyed up to really concentrate on his work, happy with the way the year had started, anxious over what Bones had discussed with Elizabeth, and still concerned about the phone call from Hannah this morning (neither of which they'd had the opportunity to discuss yet). He was feeling at loose ends and restless, and he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. Before Bones, when he felt like this, he'd go do something. Maybe go hang out at Barnes and Noble and get lost in the aisles until closing time, drinking hot, sugary, caffeinated concoctions way too late. Or go see a movie, indulge in some buttery popcorn; or meet Scotty or Sulu for a drink – more to get out than drink, and Scotty was always a hoot with a couple of drinks in him.

He supposed that he could still do any of those things if he wanted – he didn't think Bones would mind, though really, they hadn't talked about it. Obviously they were exclusive to each other – and had been since the beginning – but what that meant for Jim's social life, separate from his relationship with Bones, hadn't come up yet. Anyway, none of that was all that important because Jim found that didn't really want to go out if Bones wasn't there too – he was his best friend. But Bones had a five year old…which meant Jim now had a five year old. Which meant no going out after bedtime on a school night.

Jim looked over his shoulder towards the kitchen and sighed in relief when Bones closed his computer a few minutes later. If he was done, Jim could stop pretending he was working. He heard Bones moving around in the kitchen, water running and cupboards opening and closing.

"Want a cup of tea, Jim?" Bones said from the kitchen. Jim made a face. Tea wasn't really his thing.

"How 'bout hot chocolate?" he asked, only half kidding. Bones snorted a laugh and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like " _infant_ ". Jim smiled to himself, flipping through the channels to find something less depressing and more entertaining than the news. He settled on Law and Order something…he couldn't keep them all straight.

Leonard joined him a few minutes later, carrying two mugs. Surprised – he wasn't really expecting anything – Jim took his. It was hot chocolate with marshmallows, just the way he liked it.

"Wow…thanks Bones," Jim said sincerely. Leonard just gave him a fondly exasperated look, clearly saying  _don't be ridiculous_ without saying a word. They settled down, Jim curling contentedly against Leonard's side.

"So…what'd Dehner say?" Jim asked over the low sounds of the television set.

Leonard sighed and rubbed his hand up and down Jim's arm. He took a sip of his own tea, and rested the mug on the armrest, holding it loosely, taking a moment to organize his thoughts.

"Nothing that doesn't already keep me up at night. That a lack of a strong female role model in her life is going to be something that she misses as she grows up, and that when she's old enough to understand why she doesn't have a mother it could have a negative impact on her self-esteem. That her intelligence and different family circumstances could cause her to be more isolated as she gets older, especially if she isn't able to come out of her shell a bit more. That by the time she's ten or eleven, she could be at additional risk for bullying…and not as able to handle it effectively."

Leonard paused when he felt Jim flinch against him, and squeezed his arm comfortingly. He knew Jim was thinking about his childhood friend Chrissy, and how she had succumbed to that very situation. Jim didn't respond for a moment, taking in everything that Leonard had said, and the way he had said it, feeling the heaviness of those concerns in his own heart.

"And what do you think about all of that, Bones?" Jim asked quietly, grateful for the silent support.

"Well, I have no doubt about the call to advance her a grade, and I think you were completely right about Christine Chapel being a good teacher for her," Leonard paused, long enough for Jim to raise his head to look at him with concern.

"But?" Jim said, prompting him to continue. Leonard looked down at him, tightening his hold around Jim's shoulders, as if bracing him for what he was going to say next.

"But…I wonder if Dehner was right about some things. Like, because Jo tends to keep to herself, she'll be an easy target for bullying. Especially considering…us. And I worry about how not having a mom is going to affect her as she grows up – that she's going to feel different, and that'll feed the way she keeps to herself. And I realize she's still so young, and how can I really know how she's going to adapt as she grows up, but…I don't know," Leonard said, frustration and worry in his voice. "I just want her to be happy and healthy, and hearing someone else list all the things that she might have to deal with as she grows up makes everything seem more…real."

Jim threaded their fingers together and squeezed Bones' hand comfortingly. Jim didn't like Elizabeth, but she seemed to have touched a nerve or two in Bones, echoing concerns that he already had, and it would be stupid, irresponsible and careless of him to just dismiss what he was saying because of his personal feelings about who brought them up.

"So…did she have any suggestions for helping Jo to deal with everything?" Jim asked.

Leonard looked at Jim with such fondness and leaned down to kiss him, struck by how selfless Jim was being right now. He knew Jim didn't care for Dehner, and honestly, he didn't very much either – something about her just rubbed him the wrong way. But Jim was willing to put those feelings aside, and put him and his daughter first. Again. Jim met him, pushing himself up a bit, and then smiled as he pulled back.

"What was that for?" he asked, searching Bones' eyes.

"Just because," Leonard replied. "You're really something else, you know that? I love how much you love and care about Joanna."

Jim smiled and shrugged slightly, leaning forward to put his mug on the coffee table and straightening to more fully face Bones. "I guess I'm just a sucker for McCoys," Jim said teasingly, leaning in for another kiss.

Leonard smirked and wrapped his arms around Jim again, kissing back. "Lucky for us," Leonard murmured.

"So what did she suggest?" Jim asked again when they separated. Just as Leonard was about to reply, the phone rang. Groaning, Jim leaned the other way, stretching toward the other side table, to snag the handset off the side table, and glanced at the screen. "Your mom," he said. He raised his eyebrows when Leonard didn't reach for the phone. "Let her leave a message?"

Leonard seriously considered it, but he knew if he didn't talk to her she'd just call again and again until he did, and that would just make everything worse. "No…I'll take it," he said, resigned. Jim handed over the handset and Leonard pressed the button to answer it. "Hello Mom. Hold on a sec, okay?" Standing, Leonard ran a hand through Jim's hair and Jim gave him a puzzled look. He stood as Leonard headed out of the living room into the kitchen, and followed until he saw that he was heading to the back door that led to the little communal garden, leaving his mostly-empty mug on the counter.

Realizing that he wanted to talk to her in private, Jim stayed standing in the middle of the kitchen for a moment, a little surprised. He didn't have to stretch his imagination about what they were going to be talking about given the call this morning. He did wonder what Leonard didn't want him to hear. Doing his best to tamp down his lightly hurt feelings – which he realized he had no reason to have. Leonard could have a private conversation if he wanted – Jim spent a couple of minutes in the kitchen washing their mugs. Then, leaving the light on in the kitchen, he turned off the tv and headed to their bedroom.

Letting himself fall gracelessly on the bed, Jim chewed his bottom lip, any contentment he finally felt while being held by Bones on the couch gone again. Now he was just worried. He was worried about all of the things Bones was worried about regarding Joanna, and he was worried about what those concerns would mean for them. Because he knew Joanna would come first. As she should. And then his mom…Jim sighed and ran a hand over his face. It was a lot, he knew that. It was a lot of pressure on a single father with a disapproving family living in a society that wasn't nearly as accepting as people tended to believe. And yeah, Jo was going to have to deal with that…probably sooner rather than later. Of course Bones was worried about her.

He should've known. He should've realized that things were going too well. But he'd been so happy, all the little things that he knew were there were easy to ignore. Until they all seemed to demand attention at the same time. Now they didn't seem so little anymore.

Pushing himself up, he glanced at the clock…Bones had been on the phone with his mother for about ten minutes. That was a long conversation. Or argument. Sighing, he stood and pulled off his pajama pants, more comfortable in just boxers and a t-shirt. He pulled the blankets back and lay down, not really tired, but not sure what else to do with himself, and quietly waited.

A few minutes later, Leonard let himself back into the house. Turning off the light in the kitchen, he moved through the family room and replaced the handset in the base, then continued down the hall. After peaking in on Jo, he pushed the door to his room open and quietly stepped inside. At first he thought Jim was sleeping, lying on his back with his head turned away from the door.

"Hey Bones," Jim said.

Leonard smiled. "Thought you'd fallen asleep," he said.

"No…just waiting for you," Jim said. He watched while Bones moved around the room, getting ready for bed.

"Jim, the hamper is less than five feet from where you dropped your pants," Leonard said, amusement and slight annoyance in his voice. He picked up the offending garment and dropped it into the hamper with his own clothes. Jim smiled slightly, getting the point.

"Sorry," he said. "So…is everything okay?"

Leonard shrugged slightly, taking off his watch. He turned towards the bed and gave Jim a careful look, the hesitance in his voice more telling than the simple question.

"It's not great," Leonard answered truthfully. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed where Jim was lying on his side, and he scooted back a bit to make room for him. Leonard looked at Jim, tenderly brushing his hair back before letting his hand travel down Jim's body, stopping on his hip where he gently squeezed. "She's not happy with me about not telling her. Which  _was_ stupid of me. I should've let her know right away."

Jim shrugged noncommitantly. He didn't really think Leonard should have to report his every move to his mother. But on the other hand, Jim hadn't had anyone in his life who wanted to keep close tabs on what was going on with him. Well, his brother. But that's not the same.

"And…well…she's still…not…" Leonard stumbled over what he was trying to say, frustrated from trying to talk sense into her, and embarrassed on his mother's behalf. He'd taken the call outside because he didn't feel any need to subject Jim to her narrow-mindedness, and he really didn't want to deliver a blow-by-blow on their conversation either. It just wasn't worth it.

Jim reached for his hand and tugged, moving back more and urging Leonard to lie down with him. Moving onto the bed, Leonard lay against Jim, resting his head on his shoulder, Jim's arm around him, gently stroking his back.

"It's okay, Bones. You don't have to protect me. Your mom doesn't like that we're together…I get it," Jim said quietly.

Leonard wrapped an arm around Jim's midsection and held him tightly.

"But I  _want_  to protect you, Jim. She's my mother. I'm biologically obligated to take her idiocy until she comes around,"  _If she ever does._ "But you shouldn't have to. I can't protect you from most things, and I can't take back things that have already happened in your life, but this…I have some control over this. And nothing she says to me would ever change my feelings about you, and what we have, anyway. You know that, right?"

Jim felt something in his chest loosen with that statement, and the worry he'd been harboring since Bones headed out to the garden to take her call finally dissipated a little.

"It…it's good to hear you say it," Jim admitted, a little embarrassed that he'd let his concern and insecurities get to him as completely as they had, but unable to hide his relief. "I know you're worried about Jo, and after meeting with Elizabeth today, and then talking to your mom tonight…it's just really good to hear it."

Leonard's heart went out to Jim at that, hearing the vulnerability in his voice as he really got a sense for the extent of Jim's needless worry.

"Hey," he said, leaning up to look directly into Jim's eyes. "You're not a whim, Jim. You're not someone I'm going to walk away from because of someone else's opinion, or because things get a little tough. And I'll say it as often as you need to hear it…what I feel for you is real and tangible and so important to me.  _You_ are so important to me." He kissed Jim, and felt him gently squeeze the back of his neck as Jim closed his eyes and gave himself over to the comfort and love and assurance he'd needed. They parted to breathe, and Leonard pressed another kiss to Jim's lips before pulling back to look at him again.

"Are you hearing me, Jim?" Leonard asked. "Because I mean it…and I want you to be able to believe that."

Jim smiled a little, feeling a bit sheepish. "Yeah, Bones. I hear you. But, what about Joanna, and everything Dehner talked about?"

Leonard regarded Jim for a moment, realizing for the first time that he wasn't quite getting it. Jim wasn't part of the problems that Joanna might have to deal with as she grew up in their unconventional family. He was part of the solution, no less than Leonard himself was.

"All that stuff is worst case scenario…and sure, it worries me. But who knows how she's going to end up? She's growing so quickly, and changing so much…the difference between four and five, and five and nearly six is incredible. Whatever ends up happening, we'll deal with it.  _We'll_ deal with it, Jim. Together. And you're always thinking like that anyway…don't you guys have your first Tae Kwon Do class this weekend?"

Jim nodded – they did. It was his suggestion as a way to help her build personal confidence, and he was looking forward to it being something that they could do together…they're special time together.

"You and me, Jim – I love what we have. And us with Joanna – well, as far as I'm concerned, that's just about perfect."

 

* * *

 

After calling around to a bunch of places, Jim settled on the HRK Martial Arts Center because of the types of classes they offered. There were "kids" classes, but there were also classes based completely on the level of ability, and within that class participants were separated by age when appropriate. Jim liked that option a little better…he and Jo could be in the same class and she would still be interacting with children her own age. He thought it was a good solution for what he wanted these lessons to accomplish.

Now…if only he could convince Joanna of that.

Jim led them to the main office of the center, to meet the owner and lead instructor, Li Immamura.

"Good afternoon, welcome," Li said, shaking Jim's hand and smiling down at the little girl. "My name is Li Immamura. Most of the students call me Mr. Li or Teacher – whichever you prefer."

"It's good to meet you. I'm Jim…this is Joanna," Jim said.

Clutching the edge of his shirt with one hand and his hand in the other, she seemed to be feeling particularly shy today. Standing slightly behind Jim, keeping him between herself and Immamura, no amount of coaxing could get her to interact at all. She kept her eyes fixed on the ground and wouldn't talk, ignoring even Jim's gentle prodding that he'd seen Bones use with success when reticence was getting the best of her.

Giving Jim an understanding look, Immamura gestured to one of the classrooms across the hallway where people of all ages were gathering. They all wore white  _dobaks_ , and they all had white belts, indicating their beginner status. Jim hadn't purchased their uniforms yet, instead taking Bones' advice and accepting Immamura's offer of observing first, and possibly trying a class before investing in materials for it.

"We are about to get started. There is room for you to sit and observe if you would like."

Glancing back down at Jo, Jim nodded. It was obvious that she wasn't going to participate right away, and though he wasn't completely surprised about that, he was a little disappointed. He really hoped that this would be an activity that she would take to, but Bones had reminded him that she'd never been interested in any type of sport before.

"Thanks, that would be great." Following Immamura out, he led Joanna to the studio. There were about twenty students of all ages waiting there, talking amongst each other, and some of the younger children were horsing around. Jim watched as they all fell into lines without being told when Immamura entered the room and took his place at the front.

"Come on sweetie," Jim said, leading her to a set of low-rise bleachers. There were a few other people, parents waiting for their children, sharing the bleachers with them and he smiled and nodded to them. Choosing a place to sit a bit away from the other people, hoping that would get Jo to open up a bit more, Joanna followed him, pressing close to his side as they settled. "See the exercises they're doing Jo?" Jim said. She peaked up and watched the class. "They're stretching – just like you do the stretching in P.E. with Coach, remember?"

"Yes," she replied, her eyes following the students on the floor. Jim smiled, happy that she seemed to be coming out of herself a little more. "How come there's kids there?"

"Because this class is for kids and adults. See how they're all wearing white belts?" Jim said. Jo nodded. "That means that everyone is just learning how to do Taekwondo. You and I would wear the white belt and be in this class, too."

"We'd be in the same class together?" she asked, seeming a little more interested.

"Yup. See how the teacher is showing the class how to move in the different positions? We would learn how to do that too."

"Why?" Joanna asked, now watching with interest and puzzlement.

Jim shrugged. "Because it would be fun to learn something new, and it would help us to be confident and strong," he replied, giving the little girl a squeeze. They watched for a few more minutes, and then the Immamura had everyone split into groups of four by age.

"What are they doing?" Joanna asked.

"I don't know…let's see…" Jim explained the concept of sparring as chosen pairs did some basic moves, simple punches, kicks, and blocks, under the watchful eye of the instructor, who corrected form as they worked.

"But why are they fighting?" Jo asked, not quite getting the concept.

"Well, they're not really fighting," Jim said. "They're just pretending to learn the right form."

"Pretending," she repeated quietly, watching intently. The class ended shortly after that, with another round of stretching for cool down.

"So, Jo…what do you think? Do you want to try a class?" Jim asked, smiling at her encouragingly.

She looked up at Jim and then back at the class on the floor, then slowly shook her head.

"No? How come?" Jim asked, familiar with the routine. More often than not, they'd start with a "no" and slowly move to an "I'll try". And each time that was the result, he'd felt like he'd won. And sometimes it didn't happen, and the no stayed no. And that wasn't a loss…it was just something to work on a little later.

"I don't like it," Jo said. "Can we go now?"

"But how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?" Jim asked gently, ignoring her request for now.

"I don't like fighting," she replied seriously. "Even just for pretend."

"Oh…well…it's not really about the fighting Jo," Jim explained, slightly taken aback by her response. "It's about learning the movements and feeling good about yourself as you get better and better and earn different color belts. Could you just give it a try maybe once? I'll be doing it with you."

Joanna looked up at Jim, considering him, and then glanced down. "Will you be mad at me if I don't want to do it?" she asked.

Surprised at her question, and at how certain she seemed about not participating in a class, Jim was quick to reassure. "No, sweetie. I won't be mad at all. We'll just find something else to do."

"Okay," Joanna said, nodding. "I want to find something else to do with you. Is that okay?"

"Of course, Jo. That's fine. Should we go say goodbye to Mr. Li?"

They climbed off the bleachers, and Jim made his way around the main mat to where Li was conversing with the few students who had stayed around after the end of the class.

"Thank you for letting us watch," Jim said. "It was very interesting."

"You are very welcome. So, Joanna, will you be joining us for a class next time?" he asked.

Jim glanced down at Jo who, while at least not hiding behind him anymore, was still not being responsive when spoken to.

"I don't think so…we're not quite ready yet," he replied, gently giving Joanna's hand a squeeze.

"Well, when you are, we'll be here," Li said.

Jim and Joanna headed out of the facility, back to Jim's car, their joined hands swinging between them. Leonard was working today, and Jim had some vague ideas about what to do with the rest of their Saturday. It was a really nice day, temperate, not too humid, and spending it outside seemed like a good idea.

"How 'bout we go get something for lunch and have a picnic at the park?" Jim suggested. "And we can call Aurelan and see if she wants to meet us there with Janie. How does that sound?"

"Good!" Joanna said brightly, smiling happily.

"So, Jo…we have to find something else to do together," Jim said, as he helped her into her booster seat, reaching around her small body to fasten the seatbelt. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Umm…" Jo furrowed her brows as she thought about it. Leaving her to it, Jim closed the door and slid into the driver's seat. "I like to color and read. We read together already though."

"Yes we do…I mean we need to find something that we can go out and do. Maybe with some other people," Jim added, keeping in mind the real reason for this in the first place. "We'll have to think about it."

"Yeah," Joanna agreed.

 

* * *

 

Aurelan and Jim sat together on a bench shaded by a big, leafy tree on the outer edge of one of the playgrounds that made up Sugarsand Park. This park was a favorite of the girls' and Janie and Joanna were currently happily playing some hybrid game of tag and hide and seek with a couple of other kids. Jim watched, keeping his eyes on Jo as she stuck to Janie's side and ran in, around, through, and climbed up and in the wooden play feature. They were laughing and screaming as they tried to avoid the other kids who were also part of the game.

"How 'bout K-Kids? Does your school have a club?" Aurelan asked. They'd been talking about the visit to the HRK studio, and the need to find an alternate activity that would accomplish the same thing.

Jim shook his head, looking over at his sister-in-law. "Never heard of it. What is it?"

"You've heard of Kiwanis? K-Kids is the K through 5 branch. Janie's school has one that she's a part of. They do simple community service work. Sometimes just their group will do an activity, like cleaning up a park, and sometimes they'll partner with the middle school or high school branch of it, Builder's Club and Key Club, and do something a little more involved, like visit a nursing home or put together carebags for soldiers," Aurelan explained.

Jim nodded, thinking she was on to something. Though not a part of it now, he was familiar with Key Club, having joined for a short while in high school because Chrissy wanted to. He hadn't stayed in it, though, and didn't realize there were branches for every grade.

"McKinley doesn't have one," Jim said. "But I like the idea of community service work. It's something we can do together, we can do different things that have her interacting with others, and I think it would build her confidence to see that what she does has real results."

"You know, Jim, our church has a youth group that focuses on service work," Aurelan said, referring to the Methodist church her family went to on occasion. There was a period of time that Jim attended as well, mostly to be with his family more than anything else, and he'd found them…surprisingly welcoming. Not that they knew anything about him – he hadn't involved himself in church life at all, but they were Methodists growing up, and it was nice to get back to that sometimes, especially around the holidays. "You guys could have the benefit of a group and other kids, and I know they'd be happy to have you."

Jim shrugged slightly. "Not sure Bones would be okay with that," he said. "He doesn't hold with any type of religion at all, as far as I know."

"Well, I'm not suggesting you go to Sunday services, Jim – though I know Pastor Robbins would be happy to see you again – I'm just saying use the group as a way to get into activities like that, and surround Jo with new people in a setting that she'll probably enjoy. She's a really sweet kid, Jim. I can see her liking the idea of helping other people."

Jim smiled. He could see it too. He'd already seen it, in small ways. Joanna would sometimes read to the kids in his classroom, and to Janie. He'd seen her help Stephanie with her work, and she'd shared that talking to Tracy this year had made her feel better when she was uncomfortable, and she liked being able to make the other girl feel better too.

"I  _really_ like that idea Aurelan, thanks," Jim said. "See – I knew you were good for something."

Aurelan snorted and punched him in the arm lightly. "Ass."

"Mommy said a bad word!" Janie announced, giggling. Jim laughed as Aurelan rolled her eyes. Her daughter had impeccable timing, as always.

"C'mere, you. You're looking a little red. Jim – you should put some more sunblock on Joanna too."

Joanna and Janie stood still and let the adults fuss over them, smearing sunblock. Afterwards, Aurelan insisted that they sit and have some water. Jim took that opportunity to run the community service idea by Joanna, enlisting Janie to explain some of the things they did in her club.

"What do you think about that Joanna? McKinley doesn't have a K-Kids, but we could do community service activities together, like some of the ones Janie's group does."

"I like that idea," she said. "And Uncle Jim, maybe we can start our own club at school too."

Jim smiled, happy to see her excited, and pleased with the way this had turned out. The little girl had a special place in his heart, and he was looking forward to spending time with Joanna on their new project as their relationship developed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has to deal with his fear of doctors again. Later, Bones gets a scare, Joanna turns six and she gets a big surprise!

Jim shifted in his seat again, picked up a magazine, flipped through it for a few seconds before putting it back down, looked at his watch…Leonard reached over and, without a word, took Jim's hand, giving it a squeeze. Surprised, Jim glanced around the waiting room quickly – no one was paying them any attention at all. He was still always surprised at these little gestures that Bones had no problem with in public. Jim  _loved_ that. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to get himself to calm down. Tightening his grip on Leonard's hand, Jim looked over at him as he felt the warmth of a flush over his face.

"Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly, glancing away from the hazel eyes, full of compassion and without a hint of ridicule.

Leonard shook his head slightly and offered Jim a sympathetic smile. "No reason to apologize Jim. It's understandable. It's okay that you to feel this way."

"It's stupid."

Leonard sighed. "It's not stupid. It's really, really common."

"Yeah, among five year olds."

"Jo would take exception to that," Leonard said, keeping his voice light and gently teasing.

Jim huffed a quiet laugh. That was true. Jo's fearlessness in the face of her required school vaccinations put Jim to shame. Focusing on the feel of Bones' hand in his, he managed to settle down for a few minutes, concentrating on breathing evenly. Obviously affected by his nerves, his stomach gurgled and Jim winced at how loud it sounded to him.

"What's taking so damn long?" he muttered, shifting again.

Leonard wondered the same thing, actually. The longer they cooled their heels in the waiting room, the more anxious Jim was becoming. And that was something Leonard wanted to avoid, if possible. There was still a good chance that Jim was decide it wasn't worth it after all and walk out.

A little over two weeks ago they received a letter from the McKinley HR representative with a notice that the school's insurance provider was changing and everyone had to have a current physical on record, or the new insurance provider's rates would be substantially higher, and the employee would have to either pay the difference or opt out of coverage. Jim, who wouldn't have thought twice about going without coverage previously, needed insurance to cover the cost of the physical therapy sessions he was doing for his shoulder.

"I'll just pay the higher rate," Jim said with a shrug as he set the table for dinner.

"That's ridiculous, Jim. It's just a simple physical…" Leonard paused, taking his attention off the dinner he was preparing to turn and regard Jim thoughtfully. He had his back to Leonard as he arranged plates and cups, but he could still see discomfort in his posture, an unnatural stiffness to his frame. "Jim…when was the last time you had a physical?"

Face burning, knowing how ridiculous it was, Jim kept his back to Leonard, and before he could get himself to admit that he was such a wuss he hadn't been for a "simple physical" since the last time his mother made him go before school, Joanna came into the kitchen, announcing she was hungry.

Later that night, after Jo was sleeping, while they lay in bed side by side, Leonard calmly described the process of an adult's physical exam to Jim, so that he'd know what to expect.

"Why can't you do it?" Jim asked, feeling the anxiety over just the thought of it rising in him.

"I'm a neurologist, Jim, not an internist. Do you know how long it's been since I've given a physical? Not since med school, I think. Besides, you  _should_ have a steady doctor – even if you only see him once a year. I want you around for as long as I can keep you…preventative medicine is always better than reactive," Leonard replied.

Jim remained quiet, and he could see that he wasn't on board with this yet, so he reminded him about the promise he'd made before.

"I'll stay with you the whole time, Jim, if you want me too," he said, moving to wrap his arms around Jim and draw him to his side.

The solid comfort of being held like that helped.

The next day, with Jim's go-ahead, Leonard tapped some people at the hospital and got a reference for a G.P. he thought Jim would like, and now, here they were. Waiting. Still.

"James Kirk?" A nurse at the door to the offices looked around the room expectantly. Jim jerked in surprise slightly, but didn't seem to be making any move to stand up. So Leonard took the initiative, cupping Jim's elbow and urging him to his feet.

The nurse gave them a puzzled look as they approached together, but Jim forestalled any questions with a simple, "He's with me."

It was obvious to Leonard that Jim was uncomfortable, but Dr. Russ Auphrey, who was maybe a little older than Leonard, was proficient and professional. He asked questions about the information Jim provided on the questionnaire and took a good history. Jim squirmed and exchanged a glance with Leonard when the doctor asked about his sexual history and if he was currently sexually active. Looking up, Auphrey noticed of Jim's hesitance and asked Leonard to step out of the room.

"No," Jim said quickly. "Bones already knows everything…it's just…" Jim looked at Leonard again, obviously feeling awkward. The doctor nodded understandingly. It was difficult to divulge such personal information to a stranger. He smoothed the moment over, doing a good job of making Jim feel a little more comfortable about it.

The exam itself went fairly easily for Jim, until Dr. Auphrey asked him to lay back so he could palpitate his abdomen. Something about that didn't sit well with him, and Leonard watched as he paled and his posture stiffened slightly.

"I don't think I want to do that," Jim said slowly, shaking his head. Auphrey had been very patient and very accommodating, but he had other patients waiting, and Leonard could see in the set of his mouth that he was starting to get slightly annoyed.

"Doctor…can you give us just a minute?" Leonard asked.

Auphrey hesitated, but then nodded.

"Sure…how about this…I'll go get started on another patient, and in a few minutes I'll have one of the nurses come in to draw some blood, and then we'll finish up."

"Thanks, that's great," Leonard said sincerely.

"Yeah…thanks. Sorry for…" Jim trailed off with a vague gesture, meaning to encompass everything about his visit thus far.

"No problem, Jim," Auphrey said. "I do understand."

Jim doubted that, but he appreciated the sentiment. Auphrey let the door close behind him and Leonard moved from his spot near the counter to hoist himself up on the table, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Jim, the paper gown he was wearing rustling with his movements. Jim let himself lean against him, but didn't seem inclined to explain without some prodding.

"So…what's up?" Leonard asked after a moment.

Jim sighed. "I don't know, Bones. I just…don't want to," he said, unable, or too embarrassed, to articulate the reason for his hesitance. Leonard regarded Jim for a second before shrugging.

"Okay, well, if that part doesn't get done he may not sign off on the physical," Leonard said. "But if you don't want it, that's your choice."

Jim was quiet for a moment, thinking about that. "Then this whole thing is for nothing, and we may as well just leave now," he said, seeming too ready to do just that.

Leonard kept his expression and voice carefully neutral. "Or, since we're already here, you could let him do it, and just be done with it," he said reasonably.

Jim sighed, but ultimately gave in. "Fine," he said shortly. Knowing he was being ridiculous actually made it easier to give in, though he was no happier about it.

"Jim, he's still also going to need to do a testicular exam on you, too…is that going to be a problem? Because he probably won't sign off on your physical without that."

"Strangely, that doesn't bother me as much. I mean, I don't like the idea of it, but it's not as…distressing…as the other," Jim replied.

"Alright," Leonard said, putting his arm around him.  _Must be something to do with having to lie down,_ he thought. "I know you didn't want to do this at all…thank you for doing it anyway."

Jim gave him a small smile, grateful for the easy understanding. "Yeah, well, apparently I can't say 'no' to you for anything," Jim said lightly. "Besides, you promised me a night out, and I'm holding you to it!"

Leonard smiled and nodded in agreement. "I would hope so. I've been looking forward to it all week," he said.

Since the start of the school year, they hadn't had a whole lot of time to themselves, just trying to adjust to the new demands of new schedules. Leonard had a class that ran until 5:30 two nights a week, something he was only able to do because of Jim's help with Joanna, and those nights he didn't get home until close to 6:30 – making a busy week feel even more hectic. But they'd cleared this Friday afternoon for the doctor appointment, and Jim dropped Jo off at Aurelan's after school for a sleepover…and now they had the night to themselves.

The nurse came a few minutes later, and the blood draw went easily. "After that cortisone shot, this is nothing," Jim said.

When the doctor returned, Jim settled back on the exam table, looking supremely uncomfortable. All of his muscles were tensed, and Auphrey had to ask him more than once to relax his abdominal muscles so he could feel the soft tissues underneath. Jim squirmed and kept his eyes on the ceiling as the doctor put his hands on him and pressed, as he obviously struggled to do as he was told.

"Jim," Leonard said, from his position behind Jim's head, his hands on his shoulders. "Breathe. Take some deep breaths, and try to relax. The more relaxed you are, the quicker it's done."

Jim nodded slightly and did his best to follow Leonard's advice. It took slightly longer than usual, but Auphrey was eventually able to feel what he needed to and Jim was able to sit up again. The rest of the visit was quick and it wasn't long before they were done. The doctor left the room so Jim could dress, and then they headed out to the receptionist desk. She gave him his information and let him know that he could expect the results of his blood tests in about a week or so.

"Thank god that's over," Jim said sincerely as they made their way to the car. "Three hundred and sixty-four days before I have to go through that again. Now…where are we going?"

"Well," Leonard said, "I thought first we'd finish picking up the supplies for the party…"

"Oh good…I found another experiment activity that we can do pretty easily, so I've got a few more things I need to get."

Leonard shook his head in amusement. Ever since Joanna had announced that she wanted a "scientist birthday party", Jim had been coming up with simple experiments that the kids could do that were fun and produced some interesting results, completely taken with the idea.

"And then after that, I thought dinner at that Italian place you like, and then…I don't know…maybe a movie?" Leonard said.

Jim looked over at him with a suggestive smile. "Or…we can take advantage of the fact that Jo is at Sam's and have an early night in," he suggested, leaning over the center console of the car to kiss him.

Leonard grinned, turning his head to meet Jim's lips. "That works too," he said.

They pulled into the parking lot of an outdoor shopping center that had everything from an Office Depot to a Michael's, and several smaller shops; Jim directed them to this place because he was certain he'd be able to find everything he needed here.

Leaving the car, they walked from place to place, picking up the pieces of what they needed along the way, discussing Jo's birthday present.

Jim wanted to get her a pet, like a hamster, to help her begin to understand the responsibility involved in taking care of it, as a lead in to something bigger and more slobbery sometime in the future. He'd been campaigning for it pretty convincingly, but Leonard still held some reservations about it. He didn't like hamsters – he thought they were messy and smelled – and didn't want to deal with the inevitable heartbreak when the thing died.

"But that won't happen for, like, two years, Bones," Jim said. "They're not like the goldfish you win at a carnival that die the next day."

Leonard was quiet for a moment as they walked down the sidewalk in the shopping center. They weren't holding hands, but they were so close their shoulders brushed. A breeze ruffled his hair and the sun was just starting to set, painting the sky brilliant orange and pink. He looked over at Jim's profile as they walked, feeling a familiar tug at his heart over how much he loved him, and how grateful he was that Jim loved both of them. And…he knew he would give in.

"Is there a pet store in this plaza?" he asked.

Jim grinned. "Yeah…right there, at the end. Are we buying a hamster, Bones?"

"Well, I thought we could just look," Leonard said. "Her party's not for a week…how would we hide a hamster for that long?"

Jim choked back a laugh. He'd thought they'd give it to Joanna right away, and was excited to have her come home to it tomorrow. But if Bones wanted to wait, that was fine too. Jim slung an arm over Bones' shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Good point," he said. "So let's look, and we'll come back later."

In the pet store they looked at cages and bedding and tubing for the hamster to run through and supplies and food… "It's a damn hamster!" Bones exclaimed. "How many things does it need?"

"Well, we'd want it to be a happy hamster," Jim said, spinning a running wheel.

Leonard just rolled his eyes and moved on to the actual animals, watching them scamper around their cages.

"Which one do you think Jo will like?" Jim asked, joining him.

Bones smirked. "I think she'll like any of them," he said.

After browsing around the shop for a while and making note of things they'd come back for, they headed out. It was dark outside now, and Leonard was getting hungry.

"So, to the Italian restaurant?" Leonard said as he unlocked the car door.

"Want to try something new?" Jim asked.

"Sure."

"How about that Greek place across the intersection?" Jim said. "Taverna Kyros? We haven't eaten there yet."

"Sounds good to me."

A few minutes later, they settled at a small table and picked up their menus. Leonard looked around the small restaurant, appreciating the homey feel to the main dining area. There was a constant buzz of conversation in the air punctuated by the occasional loud laugh or exclamation.

"I like this place," Jim declared, also looking around.

"I thought you've never eaten here?"

"I haven't, but look around…there's no way it's not going to be good. Oooh….I want a piece of baklava later."

Leonard looked back up, smiling at Jim's enthusiasm, and his eyes caught the flash of a familiar face across the room.

Everything stopped.

Jim looked up from his menu when Leonard didn't answer him and saw the expression on his face…as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Bones?" Jim asked uncertainly. Growing concerned, Jim glanced over his shoulder but didn't see anything that made sense for the way Bones had lost all the color in his face. "Bones," Jim said firmly, reaching across the table to take his hand. "What's wrong?"

His eyes flicked to Jim then back to whatever had caught his attention and he swallowed convulsively. His hand clenched on Jim's, and the one word he muttered stopped Jim's heart.

"Michael," he breathed.

Jim's eyebrows raised and he turned to look back over his shoulder. This place was so crowded…he had no idea who Bones was looking at. Taking a breath, Jim turned back to Bones, trying to think clearly. What were the chances that Michael, that  _bastard_ who had hurt Bones when he was in college, would be here, in this restaurant? Infinitesimal, Jim knew. But not impossible.

"Who?" Jim asked, keeping his voice calm. "Bones…point him out to me. Who?"

Leonard swallowed, trying to get some moisture in his mouth. It was dim in here…there was no way. No way.

"Table near the wall, under the picture of the, of the tree. Guy in the red shirt," Leonard managed to get out.

Jim found the man Bones was referring to and felt both a rush of relief and a new concern. Jim turned back to Bones, and took both his hands, gripping them tightly.

"Are you ready to order?" a waitress asked, before Jim could say anything. He glanced up at her and gave her a small smile before turning back to Bones. He looked like he was going to be sick.

"Give us a few minutes," he said.

"Sure," she said hesitantly. Jim waited until she moved away before saying anything else.

"Bones," he said, giving his hands a squeeze. "That can't be Michael. He's too young. Michael is about thirty-nine now, right? Seven years older than you? That guy is too young."

Jim watched as Bones' eyes flicked from the guy to him. They cleared a little, his color getting a bit better and he swallowed again.

"Six years…he's six years older than me," Bones replied. He let out a breath and slumped slightly, feeling overwhelming relief mingled with embarrassment. "That's not him."

"No," Jim agreed. "It's not."

"It looks like him," Bones said, squeezing his eyes closed. "He looks like Michael at that age."

Jim reached out to gently cup Bones' cheek. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly. "Do you want to leave?"

"Pike said something like that might happen again," Leonard said.

Jim nodded silently. It wasn't unusual for trauma victims to experience something that brought the trauma itself to the forefront of their minds. A sound, a smell, seeing something, or someone, who reminded them of what happened in a very visceral way, triggers brought those fears back up as if the trauma had just occurred. It was always unexpected, and it could happen for years after the event. Bones had experienced a few triggers…the first and most notable, as far as Jim was concerned, was when his actions caused Bones to lock himself in the bathroom. That was a while ago now...Jim remembered it as if it were yesterday.

Bones sat back in his chair, rubbing a hand over his face. Of course it wasn't Michael. Looking at him now, it was obvious that it wasn't.  _God, I am such an idiot,_ he thought.

"Bones," Jim said again, still holding one of his hands. "Do you want to leave?"

Leonard took another breath. Did he want to leave? That felt too much like a step backwards. Like defeat. Well fuck that.

"No," Leonard said, focusing on Jim and forcing himself to stop dwelling on it. He'd made a mistake. That was it. "I'm fine. And I'm starving. Let's order."

"Are…are you sure?" Jim asked, picking up his menu slowly.

"Yes. Completely."

So they stayed, and Bones seemed to be okay through the rest of dinner, his eyes only flicking past Jim to the table beyond once or twice. Jim kept up steady conversation with him, mostly about Jo's birthday party and the service activity they'd done recently, and by the time they were done…after the baklava Bones insisted on ordering for them to share…it was as if nothing had happened.

"So," Leonard asked as they settled back in the car. "What do you feel like doing? A movie…or an early night in?"

"Let's have an early night in," Jim said. Originally, he'd had ideas of getting Bones in bed – and not for sleeping. But now, he just wanted to get home and make sure that he really was okay and completely past the event at the restaurant.

"Sounds good to me," Leonard replied. Then, with a directness that he usually didn't display all that often, he threw a lascivious grin at Jim that had him squirming in his seat. "The sooner we get home the sooner we can get to bed."

Jim grinned, Bones' tone of voice definitely not suggesting sleep.

 

* * *

 

"Okay scientists!" Jim called. "Everyone ready?" He looked around at the kids gathered at the table, each with a 2-liter plastic soda bottle, sans product label, half filled with vegetable oil and a big measuring cup of water that was dyed each child's color of choice.

"Yeah!" six little voices called back to him.

"Okay…when I count to three, pour the water into the funnel…make sure you use the funnel, Alex…and let's see what happens. Okay, here we go…one, two, three!"

Leonard listened with half an ear and a smile on his face, as he set up the pizza lunch with Aurelan. It was Joanna's sixth birthday, and Aurelan had generously offered the use of her house for the party – which was a huge help. Joanna had decided that she wanted a "scientist birthday party," and they could've pulled this off in the apartment, but it would've been a lot more cramped. This was much better.

"Okay…plates, cups, napkins…I think we're ready," Aurelan said.

She watched as the kids "oohhed" and "ahhed" over their current science experiment with oil and colored water, turning the sealed bottles upside down and back, watching the two liquids separate as Jim gave them a basic explanation of liquid density. That was one of three simple experiments Jim and Leonard had devised, and the kids, all wearing labcoats purchased from a costume store that they'd labeled with each child's name and protective goggles borrowed from McKinley, were having a ball. "This is a really great idea, Leonard," she said. "They're having a blast."

Leonard smiled as Jim wrapped up their latest activity. "The theme was all Jo's idea. She came up with it after she discovered Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Thank you again for letting us use your house. I can't imagine orchestrating this at the apartment."

"No problem," she replied. "We're happy to be able to help."

"Okay, guys!" Jim said. "Everyone put your bottles here…Stephanie, make sure you put your name label on it…and I think we're – Bones, are we ready for lunch?"

"Yup! Everyone come line up to wash your hands, and we have pizza," Leonard said.

There were a few moments of minor chaos as kids washed hands, helped themselves to pizza, had drinks passed out, chose seats…Leonard gained a new, healthy respect for what Jim did all day. They were only two hours into this party and he was already exhausted. But Joanna looked so happy, laughing and talking, it was all completely worth it.

A "Five-Senses Scavanger Hunt" was planned for after lunch, and then swimming and cake. The guests, a couple of kids from Joanna's class, a couple from the youth group that Jim and Joanna did some service activities with, and of course, Janie and Kimmie, did seem to be having fun. Leonard was very happy with the way it was going. He and Jim had spent a lot of time devising the activities and gathering the materials for them – Jim especially. He wanted this first birthday party with him to be one that she had good memories of. Leonard too…this was her first in California, away from family and the people Joanna had grown up with. He didn't want that to be what she remembered about it.

And so far, so good. The only thing that was a little worrisome was that they were one party guest short. Tracy, from Joanna's class, had been invited. And originally, her mother had RSVP'd that Tracy would be attending. But since then, she'd canceled a play date with Jo that she'd declined to reschedule, and yesterday she called back to let them know that Tracy would not be attending. Leonard didn't want to believe that it was anything other than scheduling issues, but it was difficult to ignore the niggling concern that Tracy's unavailability was because of them. He hadn't talked to Jim about it, and Joanna hadn't said anything about Tracy not interacting with her at school, so he figured to just let it go for now.

Leonard sat at the table and took a bit of his pizza. He chuckled as Jim leaned over to allow Janie to put on the conical birthday hat that Joanna was a little too self-conscious to wear.

"Ow!" he exclaimed as Janie allowed the elastic to snap against his cheek. He scrunched his face and rubbed at the stinging spot dramatically as the kids all laughed at him. Just as Leonard was about to take another bite, the doorbell rang. He stood, motioning Aurelan to keep her seat.

"I got it," he said, pretty sure he knew who it was. They hadn't mentioned to Jo that there might be another guest, just in case she couldn't make it. He opened the door and happily greeted the new arrival.

"Sarah, glad you could make it," he said warmly.

"Sorry I'm late," she said. "I got of work as soon as I could," she said. "This is for Jo."

Leonard took the colorfully-wrapped present and deposited it on the table before leading Sarah into the house.

"Oh, no problem. You're just in time for some lunch, and Jo's going to be thrilled to see you."

"So…who's house is this?" she asked.

"Aurelan and Sam Kirk – Janie's parents; Jim's brother and sister-in-law. Sam had to work today," Leonard explained as they headed to where the kids were set up for lunch.

Sarah stepped quietly up to the table behind Jo, motioning to the kids who saw her to keep quiet with a shushing finger to her lips. Joanna froze as Sarah put her hands over her eyes.

"Guess who?" she said.

"Sarah! I didn't know you were coming!" Jo exclaimed, turning in her seat to give Sarah a hug.

"I wouldn't miss it, Jo!" Sarah said laughing. She never failed to be taken aback by the enthusiasm the little girl greeted her with.

"We're having lunch…can you sit next to me?" Jo said, looking around. Jim brought over another chair and they made room for her at the table. Aurelan and Sarah introduced each other, and then everyone settled back down, six little kids all talking at once, Sarah answering their questions and asking about the "experiments" between bites of pizza.

Lunch wrapped up fairly quickly, and there was another flurry of activity as they got ready for the scavenger hunt, Jo declaring that Sarah was going to work with her. The rest of the afternoon went by quickly, ending with swimming and then cake and ice cream near the pool, Joanna blushing at being the center of attention while everyone sang Happy Birthday to her.

They opted to open presents at home, so the kids spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool, Jim and Sarah joining them, while Aurelan and Leonard gathered the results of the kids' experiments to take home with their lab coat and their goody bags. Parents started coming shortly after, and Sarah took her leave as well, promising to see Joanna soon.

When the last guest was gone and Jim and Bones put Aurelan's house back in order, over her protests that it was no big deal and she'd finish the rest, they packed up Janie for a sleep over with Joanna and headed home.

"So, Jo," Leonard said, looking in the rearview mirror at her. "Did you have a good birthday party?"

"Yes! It was the best birthday party I've ever had!" Jo said happily. Jim and Leonard exchanged glances. There was still a big surprise for her at home, too.

"Well, good," Leonard said. "How 'bout you Janie? Have fun?"

"Yeah!" she said bouncing in her seat. "I like the 'speriments!"

"Me too!" Joanna agreed.

"What were your favorites?" Jim asked. That conversation occupied them for the rest of the drive home.

When they got there, the girls ran into the house and Leonard and Jim worked at unloading the car of the materials they'd brought back.

"How long do you think it's going to take before she notices?" Jim asked with a smile. His eyes were shining with excitement.

"Not long, once she gets in her room," Leonard replied with an answering smile of his own. "But let's have her open her other presents first, cause once she sees that hamster, I'm sure she's not going to be interested in anything else."

Jim had dropped Leonard and Joanna off at Aurelan's early today, with the excuse that he had some work he needed to take care of while they set everything up. What Jim was really taking care of was getting the hamster and its supplies, and setting it up in her room.

When they got into the house, they found the girls sitting in the family room, examining the titles of the movies.

"Jo, want to open your birthday presents?" Jim asked as he and Leonard carried them in to her.

"Yeah!" Joanna exclaimed. They all sat on the floor as she opened them, Jim making note of who gave her what for the thank you cards, and they spent a good twenty minutes opening presents and examining the gifts. She got everything from books to a pretty necklace with an angel wings charm from Sarah.

"Can you put this on me, Daddy?" she asked, standing to hand it to him.

"What did you get her, Uncle Jim?" Janie asked. "I didn't see your present!"

Jim and Leonard exchanged a smile. "Well, actually," he said to Jo. "Your dad and I did get you something…it's in your bedroom."

"What is it?" Joanna asked.

"Well why don't you go see?" Leonard said.

"Okay. C'mon Janie…" They got up and headed to her room, Jim and Leonard following behind.

Joanna turned the light on in her room and looked around…and screamed.

"A HAMSTER! I GOT A HAMSTER!" she ran to the set up Jim had arranged on a low table near her bookcase and fell to her knees, her nose pressed to the plastic, Janie right behind her. A blonde and white hamster was in a fairly large cage that had a couple of tubes and a smaller vestibule, and of course, a running wheel. It had been busy, already creating a nest for itself in a corner. "She's so beautiful," Jo whispered. Jim and Leonard exchanged grins.

"Happy Birthday, Baby," Leonard said. Joanna stood and threw her arms around her father. Leonard reached down to pick her up, holding her tightly.

"Thank you, Daddy," she said, giving him a kiss. She hugged him again, then reached out to Jim. He took her in his arms and she hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Uncle Jim."

It was a very happy birthday.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard have to deal with some tough questions from Joanna because of a conversation that takes place at school.

_What color?_ Joanna contemplated the picture in front of her. Her and her daddy are easy. Brown-ish. Dark brown. A little darker for Daddy. Uncle Jim was harder. Not yellow. But kinda gold…

The Art Room was loud, but Joanna was totally engrossed in her picture, experimenting with the colors on a scrap of paper like Ms. Patel told them to do. As she tried to get the shade of Uncle Jim's hair right, she heard the teacher talking to some other kids sharing the activity table with her, telling them to finish up…class would be over soon. She didn't know them all…art class had two first grade classes in it at the same time. On one side of her, Stephanie was busy finishing her own picture and Tracy was watching her finish her picture.

"Who's that?" she asked, pointing to the tall figure with the dark brown hair.

"My Daddy," Joanna said. She looked at the color of Uncle Jim's hair and decided it was pretty good. "That's the hamster I got for my birthday," she continued, pointing to the little light brown and white critter at her feet.

"What's its name?" Stephanie asked, looking over at her picture.

"Minnie," Joanna replied. "Because she's little. And she's a hamster, but kinda like a mouse."

"Is that…is that your mommy?" Tracy asked, pointing to the blonde in Joanna's picture. Stephanie giggled.

"That's my Uncle Jim," Joanna replied.

"But I thought we were s'posed to draw our family," Tracy said. "Where's your mommy?"

"I don't have a mommy," she said. "I have my Daddy, and now we have Uncle Jim."

"You have to have a mommy," a boy from the other class piped up. "Everybody has a mommy."

Joanna just shrugged, not looking up, unsure how to explain and not wanting to anyway. She had a mommy…but she didn't at the same time. She didn't really know why.

"Are you gonna get a mommy?" the boy asked.

"No," Stephanie answered for her. Stephanie did that a lot, when she wasn't talking. And usually it was okay, but now Joanna wanted them to stop talking. "Joanna's daddy doesn't want a mommy. He likes Mr. Kirk and they live in the same house."

"Your daddy kisses boys!" he giggled and pulled a face. "That's why you don't have a mommy. Joanna's dad and Mr. Kirk kiss!" He said that loud enough that other kids heard, and some of them laughed. Someone said, "ew, gross".

"Boys aren't s'posed to kiss boys," Tracy said definitively. "Boys kiss girls!"

Joanna's face felt hot and she couldn't look up – and she felt like she wanted to cry, but she bit her lip and tried not to. She wanted the class to be over…she wanted to go home. Folding her picture up, so no one else could see it, she sat quietly. Soon enough, when she didn't respond, the other kids stopped talking about her daddy and Uncle Jim.

"Okay, class," the teacher said really loud. "It's time to start cleaning up…and I'm going to walk around to see your pictures, so keep them out!"

There was a flurry of activity for a while. Joanna put the crayons she'd been using back in the basket and pushed the basket to the center of the table where it was joined by two others. Stephanie was in charge of the paper and she walked around their table, picking up the extra pieces and bringing it back over to the cabinet.

The teacher made her way to their table, but Joanna left her picture folded up.

"Joanna, where's your picture?" she asked, coming to stand beside her. "Didn't you do one?"

"Yes," she said quietly, pushing the folded paper to her. She opened the page and smiled.

"Joanna, this is a very nice picture. I like the way you combined brown and gold to get the hair color here. And I see this is you…and this is your dad?" she asked, pointing to a figure on the page.

"Yes," Joanna said quietly.

"And who's this?"

Joanna bit her lip and didn't answer. She didn't want to answer. Turns out, she didn't have to.

"That's Mr. Kirk! Joanna and her daddy live with him!" Tracy piped up, her eyes wide.

The art teacher hesitated for a moment before simply smiling and setting the picture down. "Well, I think it's a lovely picture, Joanna. I like the way you mixed the colors and I like the way you put everyone on the same level so that we can see who is the tallest here. Good job," she said.

She moved on to the next students to look at their pictures and Joanna folded her own back up. She sat quietly, listening to the other kids at her table describing their pictures. All of them had a mommy in their picture. Sometimes only a mommy, and not a daddy. And none of them had a daddy  _and_ anyone like her Uncle Jim.

Art class was over a few minutes later and Miss Chapel came to get them and they walked in a line back to her classroom.

Joanna was happy school was almost over. She really wanted to go home. She wanted her daddy.

Everyone sat at their desks and started putting together their backpacks with everything they were going to take home today. Joanna finished hers quickly and looked up as Miss Chapel crouched by her desk.

"Joanna? Are you feeling okay?"

Suddenly, the urge to cry came back so strongly her lower lip trembled and she almost did. Looking down, she twisted her hands together, taking a breath before managing to answer.

"No I don't feel good. Can I go to Uncle Jim's room?" she asked.

"Did something happen in Art Class?" Christine asked.

Biting her lip, Joanna just shrugged, keeping her eyes down.

Christine hesitated and glanced up at the clock. There was about fifteen minutes left in the day. They finished up each day by reading a chapter of whatever book they were on, but she had no doubt Jo could read the chapter she missed today easily on her own. And it did look like something was wrong.

"Sure, Jo. Why don't you get your lunchbox then come up to my desk, okay?"

Joanna nodded and sniffed. "Okay," she said.

Christine wrote a quick note to Jim and stapled it closed, then handed Jo the note with a hallpass.

"Okay, Joanna. Have a good day and we'll see you tomorrow." She walked Joanna to the door and watched as she made her way down the hall. Jim's room was at the other end of this wing, and she was able to see her until she entered the room. Satisfied that she was where she was supposed to be, but still concerned about whatever had upset the little girl, she turned her attention back to the rest of her class.

Inside Uncle Jim's classroom, Joanna stood still by the door, the note and the hallpass clenched in her hand, not quite sure what to do. Uncle Jim was just having everyone settle on the Red Rug for the story.

"Joanna!" Jim exclaimed, making her jump a little. She waited for him to come over to her, first handing the book to Miss Kelley. "Hey, Sweetie," he said, kneeling in front of her. "You okay?"

"Miss Chapel gave me a hallpass to come here and wanted me to give you this note," she said, handing both out to him. Jim took the note and pulled it open, reading it quickly, a slight frown on his face. Christine was concerned that something happened in Art Class to upset her, and she'd looked like she was close to crying for no apparent reason. She'd simply said she didn't feel good and had asked to go to his room. Looking back up at Joanna, he studied at her a little more closely. Something was obviously wrong.

"You want to sit and listen to the story?" Jim asked. Joanna nodded. "Okay, why don't you leave your backpack here…" He led her over to the Red Rug and settled them on the edge, behind and away from the other kids. He kept a gentle hand on her back, and Joanna leaned onto him slightly, resting her weight against his thigh as they listened to Miss Kelley read  _Green Eggs and Ham_.

When the story was over, everyone got up and Jim sent Jo to sit at his desk while his students collected their belongings and lined up at the door. Finally, the bell rang indicating the end of the day and Miss Kelley walked the kids out of the classroom, each child getting a high five from Jim as they left.

Once the door closed behind the last kid, Jim headed to his desk where Joanna sat cross-legged in his chair.

"So…how was your day today Jo?" Jim asked, holding his arms out to her. She reached for him and he pulled her off the chair, settling her against him in his arms.

"It was okay," she said. As she took a breath he felt it hitch in her chest as her eyes watered.

"Oh, Jo…" he said, pushing her hair away from her face and gently cupping her chin. "What's the matter sweetie?"

"Can we go home now? Is Daddy going to be there?" Joanna asked, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Jim pressed his lips together as he tenderly wiped her tears with his fingers. He really wanted to go talk to Nadia and try to figure out what happened, but he wasn't going to drag Joanna along with him if she was feeling this badly about something.

"Today's Tuesday sweetie. He's not going to be home until later tonight…right before dinner," he said.

Joanna's face crumpled. "But I just really want my d-daddy," she said tearfully.

"Aw, Jojo…I don't like seeing you so upset," Jim said, concern coloring his voice. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

She put her head down on his shoulder, and he just held her like that where he stood, rubbing her back. After a moment, he started shifting his weight back and forth, from one foot to the other. Swaying gently, he kept the motion constant, soothing – he wasn't even thinking about what he was doing, it was just instinct.

He felt her calm after a few minutes and he shifted her slightly so he could look at her face. She was tear-streaked and a little sweaty. Her breath was still a little choppy, but she was calming down. Sniffing, she rubbed a hand over her eyes.

"Feel a little better?" he asked gently. She nodded and he kissed her forehead. Settling in his chair, he held Jo on his lap facing him. "Let me see that face," he said, plucking a couple of tissues from the box on his desk. He wiped her tears and then held it to her nose. "Wanna blow?" he asked. She did, and Jim made a face.

"Sounds like snot!" he said brightly. Under the tissue, he saw Jo smile a little and he hammed it up more. "Feels like snot too! Got any more in there?"

Smiling more fully now, and with some of the shine back in her eyes, Joanna shook her head and pushed his hand away from her. "You're gross Uncle Jim!" she said.

He smiled at her, relieved to see that she seemed to be getting over whatever had her so upset. "There's that smile I love," he said warmly, giving her a hug. "I'm glad it's back. Can you tell me what made you feel so sad?"

Joanna looked down and shook her head.

"No? You need to talk to your dad?"

"Yeah," she responded.

Jim nodded.

"Alright, sweetie. Let me get my stuff, and then we'll head home…and your Dad will be home tonight. Okay?"

"Okay," she said.

 

* * *

 

"And Miss Patel said for us to draw a picture of our family, and I did," Jo said, telling her father what had happened in school today. Leonard cuddled her close, sitting on the couch with Joanna cradled in his lap.

"Yeah? What did you draw?"

"I drew you and me and Uncle Jim and Minnie. Do you want to see it? It's in my backpack."

"I'd love to see it. Can Uncle Jim get it and bring it over here?"

"Yeah."

"Okay – Jim?" Leonard said, raising his voice just a little. He knew Jim wasn't far.

"Coming," he replied.

Joanna's backpack in hand, he came into the family room and pulled the picture out. Leonard watched as Jim took it in – a soft, fond look coming over him. Jim held the picture up so Leonard could see it, and he smiled. Settling into the chair by the couch, Jim stayed unobtrusively in the room. Joanna had wanted to talk to Leonard, but he wanted to be part of this conversation to, and he was pretty sure that now that she had her father there, she wouldn't mind his presence either.

"That's a great picture, Jo. We're gonna put it up on the fridge."

"Do you like it Uncle Jim?" Jo asked, twisting slightly in her father's arms to look at him.

"I love it, Jo," he said sincerely.

"Well and then Stephanie and Tracy and another boy I don't know started talking about my picture," she said. "And I didn't like what they were saying."

His brows furrowed together in concern, he and Jim exchanged looks before he urged her to continue.

"What were they saying, Darlin'?" Leonard asked.

"The boy and Tracy said that I had to have a mommy, that everyone had a mommy and how come I didn't have one. And all the other pictures had one, and mine didn't…" Jo trailed off and she squirmed slightly.

"Is that all they said?" Leonard asked, knowing there was something else there.

"No…"

"What else did they say?"

"They said boys don't kiss boys," she mumbled, turning to press her face against Leonard's chest. He frowned and stroked her hair, throwing Jim a look that clearly said  _What the hell?_

"Hey Jo, what did Ms. Patel say?"

Jo turned her head to look at him, a small smile on her face. "She said she liked the colors I mixed to get your hair, and that it was a good picture."

Jim nodded enthusiastically. "She's totally right - it is an awesome picture. I love it. And like your dad said we're putting it up on the fridge so everyone who comes over can see it. Did Ms. Patel say anything about what the kids were saying?"

"No, she didn't really hear them say that stuff. She only heard when Tracy said that me and my dad live with you."

"So, Uncle Jim said you were pretty sad earlier," Leonard said. Jo nodded. "Can you tell me why?"

Joanna bit her lip and shook her head no. Leonard sighed slightly and pressed a kiss to her cheek, meeting Jim's eyes. He was pretty sure what the problem was. "Remember we talked about how every family is different?" He paused when she nodded again. "Well, not every family has a mother, so that boy made a mistake, and you can tell him your daddy said so."

"They said I'm not gonna get a mommy because you like kissing boys," Joanna said, a slightly accusing tone in her voice.

Leonard cringed slightly and glanced at Jim, hoping he didn't take that the wrong way. He was pretty sure Joanna didn't equate having a mother with not having Jim, and if asked, he knew she would say she didn't want Jim to go away. But it was confusing for her – he could understand that. She knew what she didn't have, and she knew that most kids in her class did. And it made her different. At somewhat of a loss, he raised his eyebrows at Jim, who was sitting quietly, unsure if he should interject, and slightly tilted his head – trying to get  _"feel free to chime in, Ph.D. in child psychology"_ across to him.

Jim heard him, and got up from the chair to sit next to Leonard and Jo on the couch. Joanna sat herself up on her father's lap so she could see both of them clearly.

"Jo, you do have a mother," Jim said, feeling that he needed to give her something a little more…connected to her…that she could understand. He just hoped he didn't tick Bones off. "Every person has a mother. But not every mother lives with her kids. A lot of kids have only one parent. And sometimes that parent meets someone new, and sometimes they don't. Your father met someone new…he met me. So the next time someone says you have to have a mother, you can tell them that you do, and then like your dad said, you can just tell them that not all families have a mother who lives with them, and that your mother doesn't live with your family."

"But how come my mother doesn't live with my family?" Joanna asked.

Leonard had answered this question a few times, and it never got any easier. How do you explain something like that to a child? So, he didn't. Not really.

"Your mother doesn't live with us," he said, "because she and I decided we didn't want to live together. And she wanted you to have the best life, so we also decided you were going to live with me. And I love you so, so much."

"And then I met your daddy, and I met you – and I decided you two were just so awesome, and now I love you both," Jim said.

"But he said that boys kissing is gross," Jo said.

"But Jo, don't you think boys kissing girls is gross?" Jim asked.

Joanna scrunched her nose. "Yes," she giggled.

Jim smiled and reached over tweak one of her cheeks. "So, there's no difference, then, huh?"

Joanna hesitated, then shook her head. "All kissing is gross," she said definitively. "But…is it the same as a daddy kissing a mommy?"

Leonard adjusted her in his arms and held her close. He felt like apologizing to her…for putting her in that situation, for not being able to give her what everyone else had, for not being enough for her…but he held back, realizing that it was his own guilt and insecurities that made him feel that way, and Jo wouldn't benefit from an apology for something that shouldn't need an apology in the first place.

"I love Jim and Jim loves me…that's the same. But some people, adults and kids, don't understand that, and so sometimes they say things that sound mean, because they don't understand," he said instead. "And…when that happens, the best thing to do is to tell us…me or Jim, and that'll help. Okay?"

Joanna nodded. "Okay."

"Okay," Leonard said, giving her a hug and holding her tightly. "Do you feel better?" he asked against her hair.

"Well, mostly I'm just hungry," she said, words muffled against his shoulder.

Jim chuckled and Leonard smiled. That was very much his daughter…affected strongly by something for a while, and then she was able to move on to whatever caught her attention next. He was totally on board with that for now.

 

* * *

 

"I'll talk to Nadia, the art teacher," Jim said as he helped Leonard pull down the blankets on the bed.

"Well, it sounds like she didn't hear anything, and Joanna didn't seem to mind anything she said. I kinda like that she didn't even mention who was in her picture at all, you know? Just acted like it's completely the same as anyone else's."

"Yeah, but she needs to know to watch out for that stuff. She has thirty kids at a time for an hour, and she doesn't have a classroom assistant. If she's not aware of it, she won't know to take preventative measures against it. Ultimately, she's responsible for what goes on in her room."

Leonard looked up at Jim curiously. "Okay…" he said, unaccustomed to hearing Jim so…stern.

Jim caught his expression and shrugged slightly. "It's a hot-button topic for me," he said, slipping into the bed. "And especially about this…and especially with Joanna. She's a smart kid, but she's the youngest one in the room. That doesn't matter so much now, but it will when the other kids are old enough to realize it."

Leonard nodded in understanding. Of course it was.

They settled down, Leonard wrapping an arm around Jim as he fit himself against his side. Jim heard Bones sigh as they relaxed on the bed together. The rest of the night had gone okay. After talking with her father and Jim, they had dinner, Joanna did some "homework" – which meant Jim gave her some pages from a math workbook to try – and they watched a recorded episode of Bill Nye while she sat on the floor with Minnie, watching her run around in her exercise ball. Bedtime went easily, and Joanna seemed like she was fine by then. She didn't bring anything up – her mother, their relationship, or what the kids at school said – again.

But, man…that had been a rough conversation – harder on the two of them than on Joanna, Jim thought. Bones had told him that sometimes Joanna brought her mother up, but this was the first time he'd heard it. And it broke his heart a little to hear her obvious confusion over why her mother wasn't part of her life. He knew that was going to be something they came back to as she got older and asked more pointed questions. Jim wondered if Bones would always stick to his answer, or if he would give her a more clear picture of what the situation actually was eventually.

Jim absently drew his fingers over Bones' chest, thinking. They never really talked about Jocelyn McCoy or the how and why of the way things worked out, and he was curious. Did he have any contact with her at all? Had she ever seen Joanna? Would she be willing to see her if, when she was older, Joanna wanted to meet her?

They'd never talked about any of it…but even more importantly, Bones never offered any information either. Jim lay quietly for a few more moments, and then made a decision. If he didn't want to talk about it, he could certainly say so.

"Bones – can I ask you a question? It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

Bones glanced down at the top of Jim's head, pretty sure he knew what Jim was going to ask. "Of course," he replied. "You can ask me anything."

Jim hesitated before speaking. "You never talk about her."

He felt Leonard shrug.

"There's not much to say – you already know the overall situation. I was on a fast track to finishing my residency and I'd already selected my specialty when we met. We got married pretty quickly, and everything was good for a while. She liked the life I could provide for her, liked the prominence my family had in the community, but I don't think either of us were ever really…happy. And then…"

"Joanna," Jim supplied.

"Yeah – Joanna," Leonard said softly. He sighed. "Jocelyn didn't want to have her. We hadn't really talked about kids. I was working all the time. Joce was enjoying the social life – and she had her work too – and she just didn't see a baby fitting in to our lives. She said she didn't see herself as a mother."

"What changed her mind?"

"I did. I talked her into having the baby. I didn't even know I wanted a child until Joce got pregnant…and then it was all I could think about. And the thought of terminating the pregnancy…a pregnancy that really shouldn't have happened in the first place because of the birth control she was on…just seemed wrong."

"So how was Jocelyn after Joanna was born?"

"Distant," Leonard replied immediately. "I mean, she took care of her when I was at work, but she wasn't really bonding with her. And then when she was about six months old, she called me at work and said we had to talk, and I needed to get home right away. She'd never done that before. So we talked. And then that was it. She left two weeks later. A year later, she sent me executed documents officially terminating her parental rights. And that…was that. I got my beautiful baby girl, and she got her life back."

Jim lay quietly, trying to wrap his mind around the concept of a  _mother_ so completely abandoning her child like that. And then he found himself marveling at everything Bones was. Of course Jim knew that he raised Joanna on his own, but to hear him tell it really put everything into perspective. A young, single father working crazy hours, relying on his mother to help fill in the gaps. He was amazing. Jim wondered if he had any idea how amazing he actually was.

"Jocelyn never wanted to see Joanna at all?" Jim asked incredulously.

"I don't understand it either. Obviously not everyone is cut out for parenthood. I feel like I  _should_ feel bad for pushing her to have a baby I knew she didn't want, but I really thought that once she had the baby she'd fall in love with her. I never thought she wouldn't. But even though she didn't, I can't feel bad for that, Jim. I just can't. How can I, when I wanted her and love her as much as I do?"

"You can't, Bones. Of course you can't. Jocelyn carried her, but you created her too. She was  _your_ baby just as much as she was Jocelyn's. You're a fantastic father and Joanna is one lucky little girl. I hope that I do even half a good a job for her as you have."

"You already are. Thank you for caring about her so much. You're the best thing that ever happened to us."

"You don't have to thank me for that, Bones," Jim said seriously. "I love her. I love  _you_. You're my family." He hesitated, closing his eyes. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me…sometimes I can still hardly believe it."

Leonard shifted then, urging Jim to lie completely down on the bed with him, and then turned so that he could face Jim. He kissed him softly, one hand cupping Jim's cheek. Pulling back, he smiled slightly, holding Jim's gaze. "Believe it, Jim. And trust it. You're the best thing that ever happened to  _me_." They lay together, trading soft kisses and tangling their legs together, pressing close. Jim's arm was around Leonard, his fingers combing through the hair at his temple.

Leonard smiled slightly and skimmed a hand down Jim's bare torso, his fingers skating along the waistband of his boxers, causing his muscles to tighten in ticklishness. Jim pulled back to grin at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What happened to 'man, I'm beat. All I want to do is sleep'? You seem pretty awake to me," Jim observed, leaning in to kiss Leonard again.

He chuckled against Jim's lips, shivering in delight as he felt Jim slip his hand into his shorts and trail his fingers over him gently.

"'M never too tired for you," Leonard said. Using his weight to urge Jim onto his back, he lay over him, kissing him deeply. He rocked slightly against Jim, teasing him with the feeling of slight friction. Breaking the kiss, Jim and Leonard breathed heavily, so close they shared their breaths. Leonard moved down his body, kissing his neck, moving his mouth over Jim's chest, pausing to listen to his strong, slightly quickened heartbeat. Moving to the left slightly, he let his lips close over Jim's nipple and sucked lightly, quickly flicking his tongue over it.

Jim gasped and arched slightly, his hands coming up to hold Bones' head, winding his hair through his fingers. Without letting up at all, Bones gently pinched the other nipple with his fingers, circled the darker skin with his thumb, and then pinched again, a little harder. Jim closed his eyes and as his breath quickened, feeling like his nipples were wired directly to his cock.

He whimpered when Bones switched sides, his eyes crinkling with a smile as he looked up at Jim.

"God, Bones," Jim said, shifting his hips restlessly. His cock was rubbing against the fabric of his boxers as he moved, making him want to move more. "Such a tease."

Bones hummed in agreement, drawing his free hand down Jim's side, gently settling over the growing buldge in his boxers. Jim moaned and bucked slightly, turning his head as his hands tightened in Bones' hair. Finally, when he thought he couldn't take it another second longer, Bones released his nipple and raised his head, stretching to kiss him again.

"You're so beautiful, Jim…so perfect like this. Love you so much."

Jim shifted restlessly, the feel of Bones' hand on him through his boxers making him tremble with anticipation. Massaging him, he felt Jim's cock grow harder. Jim panted and raised his head, catching Bones in another kiss, moaning into his mouth as he continued to gently squeeze and rub.

"Bones…" Jim panted. "Please…need you… _ohhh_ "

Jim trailed off as Bones pushed his boxers down, bucking at the feel of skin on skin. Holding Jim in his fist, he lightly rubbed the pad of his thumb around Jim's cockhead, using the moisture gathered there to lubricate the way. Jim gasped and whined, grabbing Bones' arm reflexively at the intensity of the stimulation. Bones chuckled and latched back on to one of Jim's nipples, making him cry out…the dual sensations too much to take quietly.

Jim thrust his hips, trying to get some friction, but Bones just held him…only his thumb moving continuously. He rubbed back and forth along the underside of the ridge, he circled the Jim's slit, and he kept his touch light and gentle enough to tease him mercilessly.

Jim shifted as much as he could, his ass and leg muscles tightening and releasing. He could hear himself panting and whining, completely unable to control the sounds Bones was pulling from him.

"Oh, please, oh, please…Bones…oh, it's so, so good… _uhh_ …" He arched as much as he could, and then tightened his stomach muscles and hunched his shoulders as if he was trying to sit up, what Bones was doing to his nipples between his mouth and his fingers getting unbearable.

Hearing Jim whimper, feeling him try to move away from him, Bones finally let up on him. Letting go of his cock and giving his nipple one more lick and pinch before backing off. Jim lay on the bed gasping and trembling with arousal. He shifted his hips restlessly and eagerly helped Bones pull his boxers off. Bones dropped them off the side of the bed and then pulled his off as well, letting them also fall to the floor. He moved to lay over Jim again, settling himself between Jim's legs, and kissed him. Jim wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly, letting Bones control the kiss. Bones was thrusting slightly against him, the moisture they were both producing the only lubrication, and not quite enough to make it easy for them to slide against each other. It was good, and it was frustrating, and before long Jim couldn't take any more.

Pushing on Bones' shoulders, he sat up and reached for the lube on the bedside table. Kissing Bones again, he turned them around and urged Bones down with a hand on his chest.

"Let me," he said against his lips. Bones nodded, and then moaned as Jim slicked them both up. Bones gasped as Jim stroked him a couple of times, urging him to full arousal quickly, gasped again when he felt Jim's fingers sliding slickly between his cheeks to tease the ring of muscle gently. Bones' cock twitched, the gentle, tickling touches making him grunt and want to clench. Jim simply pressed his thighs apart.

"Bones," he said, his voice husky. Leonard opened his eyes and focused on Jim. He was right there, watching him with no small amount of lust in his eyes. "Can I fuck you?"

Bones flushed, but nodded. "Yeah, want you to," he said. His hips bucked as Jim slid a finger into him, gasped and bucked again when he prodded that perfect spot within him. Jim moved his finger in and out, easily adding a second before too long, and then a third, stroking Bones every now and then, just to keep him on edge.

Satisfied with the stretch, Jim eased himself in, pausing frequently as they both panted. It still felt tight, but not nearly as uncomfortable as it was that first time, and the burn of the stretch passed much quicker. Jim held still though, not moving until Leonard writhed underneath him, bringing his legs up to wrap around Jim's waist and pull him further in. Jim obliged, moving slowly, until he was pressed flush to Bones' body, their chests heaving as they moved together.

Bones had worked him so expertly Jim knew he wasn't going to be able to last very long, so he stroked Bones as a counterpointe to his thrusts, trying also to hit that perfect spot within him every time. Bones arched and writhed beneath him, hands scrambling for purchase on the mattress, grasping the sheets as each thrust drove a grunt out of him. Sweating, breathing hard, Jim felt his own orgasm approaching and he cried out with the effort of holding it back, looking almost pained.

"Let go, Jim…come for me," Bones gasped.

Jim thrust once, twice more than stilled, his orgasm crashing over whim with such force he wasn't able to hold himself up, his whole body quaking. Slumping down, his full weight on Bones, Jim sobbed out the relief of the release. Bones held him through it, murmuring something that Jim could hardly hear over the sound of his own breathing.

As he came back to himself a little, he realized that Bones hadn't come yet and that he was moving in a desperate rhythm against him. Gently pulling out, Jim replaced his cock with his fingers, finding his prostate and rubbing over it firmly. Bones clenched around his hand, his hips jerking uncontrollably. Jim grasped his cock and stroked, then leaned down to take him in his mouth, his tongue lashing the underside before he pulled back to do the same thing to the head.

Caught between Jim's fingers and his mouth, Leonard shook as he cried out – his hips jerking as he tried not to thrust too hard, not wanting to hurt Jim. Pressing on his prostate hard, Jim sucked – and that did it. Giving a stuttering cry, Leonard came. Jim sucked him through it, prodding his prostate the whole time, until he was empty.

"Stop, stop…too much…" Leonard moaned. Jim eased his fingers out of him and released him with a kiss that made his whole body twitch. Coming back up to settle down beside him, Jim pulled the sheet over them and wrapped his arms around Bones and held him as he shivered, listening as his breath slowly regulated as his body relaxed.

After a few minutes, Leonard sighed, and turned more fully into Jim's embrace and kissed him, moaning as he tasted himself. Holding each other, wrapped around each other, they eased from languid contentedness into sleep.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim each deal with some personal worries, but while Leonard leans on Jim, Jim keeps his concerns to himself. Meanwhile, Elizabeth gets some ammunition.

Leonard stirred, turning over and mumbling, flashes of that day playing over in his sleeping mind…

 _"I never wanted this, Len. It was enough for me to just be your wife. But that wasn't enough for you._  You  _wanted it. But you're never here; always at work."_

_Holding the baby._

_Jocelyn crying._

_Arguing in their kitchen, the sound of a baby crying in the background…_

Rising slowly from the dream into an edgy wakefulness that becomes second nature to parents, Leonard shifted restlessly and opened his eyes, listening. It took a moment to convince himself that the crying he thought he heard was just an echo of a memory. Joanna wasn't that baby any more. They were all way past that.

Lying there, Leonard took a few minutes to look over at Jim, smiling softly at the sight of him. Deeply asleep and breathing steadily, he loved the sweetly innocent way Jim lay curled on his side, full lips parted slightly. Reassured that his waking hadn't disturbed Jim, Leonard carefully and gently pushed the blanket back, shivering as the cool air swirled around his bare skin. Easing his way out of the bed, he pulled the blankets back in place, making sure that Jim stayed covered and warm.

Very much awake, Leonard found his boxers and grabbed a t-shirt off the dresser. He knew that talking to Jim about the situation with Jocelyn had brought everything to the forefront of his mind, and waking from that memory's dream left him feeling restless and uncomfortable. That had been an incredibly stressful time in his life; plagued with doubt about his ability to raise his daughter, the hurt of having someone he'd believed he loved so easily walk away from them, the confusion over the slow realization that he'd made a huge mistake, and possibly ruined more than one life with what he thought he'd wanted...he'd been so young and so inexperienced, and so confused about what his life was going to be. Back then, he had his work, and his little girl. And when he didn't know anything else, he knew he'd be getting up in the morning to be a doctor, and coming home at night to be a dad. That simple truth got him through.

And now life was so much…more.

Taking a deep breath, he centered himself in what was  _now_. Now was very different from what he was back then.  _Now_ was good. It was just…difficult…though, to know that to some extent his happiness was at the expense of normalcy for his daughter.

Quietly unlocking and opening the bedroom door, he padded down the hall to Joanna's bedroom. He opened her door carefully, the noise of her sound machine covering any noise he might've made. By the dim light of her nightlight, he could see that she was curled up in bed, clutching her stuffed dog. Leaning against the doorjamb, he just watched her for a few minutes. He couldn't get her earlier confusion out of his head. They'd tried to explain things simply, and at her level. The problem was her intelligence and maturity level didn't match. She was a lot smarter than the average six year old, but emotionally, she was like any other child. She knew things were different, probably realized it in a more profound way than the simple "I don't have a mom and everyone else does", but she didn't have the ability to truly understand the situation for what it was. Not yet anyway. Soon enough, though…and then what? How would she handle that?

He hoped that what they discussed with her tonight would be enough to provide some reassurance that would stick. And he hoped that the kids she was interacting with would be willing to overlook those things that were different from what they were used to. She'd come so far so quickly…all he wanted was for her to continue to develop and grow, unencumbered by doubts or issues surrounding them.

Slipping into her room, he made his way over the stray books and toys to kneel by the side of her bed. Shaking his head at how tangled she managed to get herself, her nightgown rucked up, the sheet wrapped around her waist, he spent a few careful moments straightening her clothes and blankets, pulling them back up and pushing her away from the edge of the bed. She murmured and turned her head, but stayed asleep, not waking at all. Gently stroking her hair, he leaned down to brush a kiss across her forehead, swept a thumb over her cheek. She was so beautiful, and perfect, and the best decision he ever made.

As Leonard was looking in on Joanna, Jim shifted in bed, reaching for the warm, solid body that was supposed to be lying beside him and finding only cold, empty sheets. Even asleep, that registered with him. He'd become accustomed to being tucked against Bones, or at least having him within reach, and he missed him when he wasn't there. Opening his eyes, Jim squinted in the dark of the room, the light filtering in from the window the only light in the room, and could see that the bedroom door was open.

Rolling onto his back, he decided he'd wait for a couple of minutes, figuring Bones may just be getting a drink of water or maybe checking on Joanna. Letting his eyes close, he drifted comfortably between asleep and awake, listening.

After a few minutes, Jim heard a door close and then the door to their bedroom creaked slightly and then snicked closed as Bones came back into the room. Jim heard him moving around the room, to the side of the bed with the window. The blinds clacked together softly as he pushed them aside to look out into the night. Opening his eyes, he watched Bones' outline against the dim light, not having to wonder too hard about what was keeping him up. He let Bones have that silence for a few moments, but not long. He didn't want him to be alone with his concerns for long. They were both done with that.

"Bones, come back to bed," Jim murmured, voice raspy with sleep.

Leonard turned to look at him, caught by how beautiful he was, lying there bare chested, arms resting above his head. The moonlight played off his skin and highlighted the definition of his muscles. Beautiful and precious and just…amazing.

"Sorry," Leonard whispered. "Didn't mean to wake you." He slid into the bed, settling next to him. Jim turned on his side, resting his head on Bones' shoulder and moving a leg on top of him. Leonard wrapped an arm around Jim's shoulders and tugged the blanket up a little higher. He was dressed. Jim wasn't. He didn't want him to get cold.

"You okay?" Jim asked, snuggling into Bones' side further.

Leonard made a sound of assent. "Everything's fine," he said. "Just had a dream that woke me. Wanted to check on Jo."

"Is she okay?" Jim asked.

"Sound asleep. I was just…I don't know. Reassuring myself, I suppose," Leonard said.

Sensing the tension in him, Jim raised his head and kissed him, his fingers drawing patterns over Bones' chest before moving to grip his arm, holding him tightly. Bones let his eyes flutter closed, one hand coming up to gently cup Jim's head, threading his fingers through the short hair at the nape of Jim's neck. It was slow and comforting and incredibly sweet, and allowed Leonard to let everything he'd been holding in him since he came home to a teary-eyed child go, and long after the kiss ended he just clung to Jim, taking the comfort he was being offered, that was part of what he had with Jim. The comfort of knowing he wasn't alone, and even when he was hit with doubt, it wasn't something that would suffocate or paralyze him.

After a few minutes, he realized that Jim was murmuring to him, quiet reassurances and endearments; promises based in the strength of the two of them together. Leonard responded to him, to the soothing touches and relaxing and sinking back into that twilight right before sleep.

Jim felt Bones' body relax, felt him give himself over to his quiet ministrations until he was nearly asleep again. Bones was warm and solid against him, and it felt so good to hold him, so comfortable, so right. Lulled by the sound of Bones' even breath, Jim slowly sunk back into sleep with him.

 

* * *

 

"Normally, I wouldn't bring it up, and I really wasn't going to say anything. But when she ever told me what the kids were saying…I just…I don't know."

Elizabeth sat back and observed Mrs. Caswell with a carefully neutral expression on her face. She looked nervous, and embarrassed. Whatever had brought her in here had to do with the child she had in Christine Chapel's class, and that was surprising. Christine had never had any complaints in all the time she'd worked there. Indeed, she was one of the most requested teachers.

"Did something happen with Tracy in Ms. Chapel's class?" Elizabeth asked, trying to get the conversation going. She was busy.

"No, no…we love Ms. Chapel. This happened in art class a few days ago. Well, the first part anyway." Mrs. Caswell looked down at her hands and then back up again."Here's the thing…I don't want you to think I'm a bigot. I'm not. People can do whatever they want. It's not my business and I don't care."

 _Okay…_ Elizabeth thought. Out loud she said, "Mrs. Caswell, let me assure you that whatever concerns you have, I want to hear them. Every individual child at McKinley is important to us, and if you are not happy with something, we will take what measures we can to correct it. So please, tell me what brought you in today."

"Okay…thank you. Tracy kind of attached to Joanna McCoy the first few days of school, and she seems like a very sweet girl. At first, I was very happy that Tracy found a friend in someone so quickly…you know that we still struggle with separation anxiety…" She paused while Elizabeth nodded. "Well, when Tracy made friends with Joanna that seemed to help. But…I was talking with a friend whose son was in Jim Kirk's class last year, and she told me that she saw Mr. Kirk out with Joanna, and that Mr. Kirk and Joanna's father are… _involved_."

She was flushed slightly, obviously uncomfortable. Elizabeth managed to control the urge to roll her eyes. Barely. Of course. It seemed like, lately, if there was a problem it had to do with Jim Kirk. The fact that Joanna McCoy was caught in the middle of the issues her father's selfishness caused was unfortunate, but not unexpected. That's what happened when you put yourself before your child.

"I don't care what people do, but I don't want my child… _indoctrinated_. And to be told that it was normal for Joanna's father to have Mr. Kirk living with them…and that boys kissing is the same as a man and a woman…that's not okay with me. I don't allow Tracy to play with Joanna outside of school anymore, but for the kids to be talking about these kinds of things…"

"They were talking about Mr. Kirk and Mr. McCoy?" Elizabeth asked, trying to understand how this came about.

"Apparently the art teacher asked them to draw pictures of their families, and Joanna drew what she thinks of as her family…her father and Mr. Kirk. And then the next day, she came to school and informed everyone that her family was the same as families that have a mother and a father. And, I'm sorry, but that's just not true. Like I said, I don't care what people do. But I don't want Tracy to be exposed to that way of thinking before she's old enough to understand what that means. I don't want her learning about that kind of thing  _here_. It's inappropriate."

Elizabeth nodded in understanding. She did get it. It was one thing to have opinions about such matters as an adult, but to influence someone else's child – she could understand Mrs. Caswell's issue with that. But this was going to be a huge headache, she could tell already. They were wading into a very tricky area, a minefield absolutely littered public relations and equality issue bombs on hair triggers.  _Exactly_ the kind of thing the Board didn't want to deal with.

"I've done what I can," Mrs. Caswell continued. "Like I said, I stopped allowing Tracy to play with Joanna outside of school when I first found out about her father. But I think I'd prefer it if they weren't together during the day."

"So…you want Tracy to move to a different class," Elizabeth said.

"Well…as I said earlier, we really like Ms. Chapel. But if there's no other way…then yes."

"Mrs. Caswell, I can't change Joanna's classroom assignment. Nor can I ask that Ms. Chapel keep them separated…classes are kept small to encourage cooperative learning, and that would defeat the purpose."

"I figured as much. So then, yes, I'd like Tracy moved. As soon as possible."

Elizabeth sat back, thinking. That was a problem, and it was a dangerous precedent to set. Generally, class changes were not made this far into the school year. It was disruptive to all involved. And then there was always the problem of raising the ire of that particular community. Not to mention the issue of alienating Joanna because of this. It wasn't Joanna's fault, but it was she and Tracy who would suffer because of it.

"To be honest Mrs. Caswell, I need to speak with an administrator about this. I'm not certain that I can make a change like that this late in the school year. But perhaps we can alert Ms. Chapel and the other teachers to the nature of the conversations and ask that they be vigilant in keeping the topic of conversations…appropriate."

Mrs. Caswell was silent for a moment, not completely surprised. It seemed like everyone was always willing to bend over backward to make sure fringe groups felt "normal" at the expense of the majority. She saw it all the time, and it was very frustrating.

"Fine, you do that," she said, her voice taking on an icy quality. "In the meantime, I feel I should let you know that some of the parents are uncomfortable with the idea of a teacher being involved with a student's parent. When Joanna talks about her father's…boyfriend…" she colored slightly at the word, "…the children know exactly who it is, and it starts to become – normalized. That's a problem, Ms. Dehner. Frankly, I'm surprised that the principal didn't see fit to put a stop to it immediately."

Elizabeth stayed impassive, keeping the fact that she happened to  _agree_ with Mrs. Caswell completely under wraps. What she was hearing would have a much bigger impact on the board coming from parents than it would coming from her.

"I hear you, Mrs. Caswell, and I understand your concerns," she said. Now was the time to make sure she was as objective as possible. "I will have to speak with the administration here, but I feel relatively certain that there is nothing  _we_ can do."

Tracy opened her mouth to protest, ready to insist that Jim Kirk should have the decency to leave if he was going to be living with a student's parent,  _especially_ a male parent, but she hesitated, going over what Ms. Dehner just said. After a moment, she nodded, stood and offered her hand.

"Thank you for your time," she said, shaking Elizabeth's hand. "I do want to pursue putting Tracy in another class, and I'll wait to hear from you about that."

"Thank you for bringing your concerns to me," she replied.

Elizabeth saw her out of the office, closing the door behind her.

This presented an interesting possibility. Anything she did or suggested on her own regarding Jim Kirk and this whole situation would, at best, undoubtedly be construed by Uhura as professional jealousy. At worst, as a bid to get someone fired because of his sexual orientation. Despite her personal feelings about Kirk's relationship with McCoy, neither of those were true. She thought Kirk was inappropriate and unprofessional, and she was well-aware that when he was finished with his Ph.D. program there was a very good chance she would be pushed out of her position at McKinley. The buddy-buddy nature of Kirk's and Uhura's relationship pretty much guaranteed that. But she couldn't bring up any of the very real concerns she had about someone like Kirk holding the position she had now without looking like she was out to get someone.

However. To have  _parents_ say that, of their own accord, and demand that the situation be rectified in a way that she knew Uhura would never allow – that would lead to louder voices of discontent eventually reaching the ears of the Board members.

And if Elizabeth was right, and the other parent Mrs. Caswell was referring to was Tracy Keefe, that would happen sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, she would go about handling the situation normally, and picked up her phone to call Ben Finney. She'd start there…and she was sure this would end up in Uhura's office soon enough. Finney was happy doing just what he could to get by…he wasn't going to want to deal with a situation as potentially volatile as this one.

 

* * *

 

Jim stood back, leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest…a ridiculously happy grin on his face. He didn't think he'd ever been as proud as he was right now. Which was still more than a little amazing to him…Joanna wasn't even his, and all he wanted to do was tell everyone he saw, "Look, see that girl? She's mine."

They were spending some time at a local Community Childcare Center, volunteering in the daycare program with the children too young for school, and they spent most of their time with the three year old groups. This daycare ran until six at night, and Joanna and Jim were getting into the routine of staying there until five-ish on Thursdays, since that was a later day for Leonard with the class he taught.

It was the type of place that ran by being funded with Head Start money and donations. It was neat and clean, but it was always in need of help. The neighborhood it served had more kids that needed a place to be than it could handle, and though the number of children accepted was regulated, there were more than a few more there than what was strictly allowed. But that was almost always the case. The staff relied upon United Way volunteers to fill in some of the personnel gaps, and were always grateful for donations of time and materials. Jim had a friend who had a community tie to the Center, and she'd arranged it so that he and Joanna could volunteer there.

At first, Jim wasn't sure how Joanna would take to this activity. There were  _a lot_ of kids. A lot of very loud, young kids. Most of them were so excited to play with someone new, and they weren't shy, coming right up to Jim and Joanna. She'd been pretty hesitant at first… clutching Jim's pants and pressing close to him, overwhelmed by the children's interest in them. Deciding to lead by example, Jim gently disengaged from her and sat on the floor to play with them, immediately going for the blocks…everyone loved blocks. Jo watched for a few minutes from the safety of a desk, hiding behind a book that he could see was much, much too simple for, and that she wasn't really reading anyway. But despite her initial discomfort, and as he'd hoped, it didn't take long for Jo to follow suit, coming over to join them where Jim sat, and then garnering her own little group of younger children, working to put together one of the puzzles.

And now, this was their third time here, and Jim was touched by the way Joanna responded to the children. Some of the little girls gave Joanna a hug which she returned happily, and she even reached out to the one or two kids who hung shyly back, taking their hands and leading them to play with her. Jim gradually pulled away from the activity over the course of the visits, letting Joanna be the main attraction, and now, she had a group of about six kids sitting with her and was reading a book to them.

And he loved how she didn't balk at the fact that most of the kids were of a different race from her, either. McKinley was overwhelmingly white, with only a small percentage of minority students. And Jim didn't think that Jo had had much of a chance to explore diversity in Georgia either, mainly because of how rural the area where she'd lived was. Neighbors were few and far between anyway. He hadn't really expected her to be wary of children because of their race, but kids were funny like that. Sometimes they had preconceived notions that parents aren't even aware of until the child is faced with a situation that was new to them. Despite the fact that Joanna had not had the opportunity to interact with many black and Hispanic children before now it didn't seem to matter to her at all.

Watching as Joanna organized some of them into a game of Duck, Duck, Goose, Jim pulled his cellphone out of his pocket when he felt the buzz indicating an incoming call. Not recognizing the number, he let it go to voicemail, and then accessed the mailbox.

_Mr. Kirk, this is Shelly from Dr. Auphrey's office. We have received the results of your blood test and Dr. Auphrey would like to set up a time with you to come in for some follow-up work. Please give us a call as soon as you can; our num-"_

Swallowing around a suddenly dry mouth, he disconnected the call and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

 _Fuck,_ he thought. Nothing in that message sounded good. And nothing in that message made him feel like he wanted to call them back, either. What kind of 'follow-up' work could they possibly need to a blood test? And why couldn't they just tell him what it was on the message?

Taking a breath and blowing it out slowly, he tried to regulate his respiration. His heart was beating like he'd just run up two flights of stairs. Bones had explained that his reactions to medical situations were phobic, and as long as he recognized that he could work on controlling it. That bit of information wasn't helping now, and he frankly thought that was a bit rich coming from the person who'd clutched his hand so tightly during the plane ride, it made his fingers tingle with the lack of blood flow. What the fuck did they find?

He decided to call back, hoping they'd give him more details over the phone so he could at least stop freaking out.

"Hey, Jo," he called to her as she was turning a page. She looked up. "I'm going to step into the office to make a call. I'll be right back okay?"

"Okay, Uncle Jim."

"And we've got ten more minutes then we have to go."

"Okay," she said again, before turning back to her story and the children who were waiting for her to continue.

Stepping into the office, he smiled at the woman sitting at the desk and quickly called up the last number to call him. He nervously chewed the edge of his thumbnail as he waited for them to pick up.

"Dr. Auphrey's office. Please hold." And before he could even take a breath to say anything, he was listening to bland hold music. Shifting impatiently, he decided to give them two minutes before hanging up.

"Thank you for holding, how may I help you?"

"Uh – this is Jim Kirk…Shelly called about my blood work a few minutes ago…"

"Jim Kirk…let me just look that up…" There was a pause and he could hear her tapping away at a keyboard. "Yes, I see here that Dr. Auphrey would like to schedule you to come in for some follow-up - "

"I, uh – excuse me…I was hoping you could tell me why? I'm a teacher, and I really don't have a lot of time during the week."

"Dr. Auphrey would like to discuss it with you in person Mr. Kirk. He does have Saturday hours, if you'd like to schedule an appointment for this weekend."

Feeling his anxiety ratchet up another notch – why wouldn't they just tell him over the phone? – Jim asked, "Is Dr. Auphrey available to talk to me briefly?"

"He's in with patients all afternoon Mr. Kirk. He does want you to come back in, though, so would you like - "

"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll, uh, call back," he said, and disconnected the call quickly.

Closing his eyes and taking a breath to calm his racing heart, Jim firmly shoved his worry aside. He was fine. He felt fine. He had no problem when he went running in the evenings, he had no unexplained aches or pains, his appetite was as good as ever. He was fine. Doctors were always convinced they found something; they just wanted to be able to charge the insurance company for whatever tests they wanted to run. There was nothing wrong with him.

He went back into the playroom to collect Jo, to find she was standing by the bookcase, perusing the books. She was the only person in the room.

"Jo?" Jim asked. "Where'd everyone go sweetie?"

"A teacher came to take them outside," she said, waving towards the door that led to the playground. "I said I'd just wait for you here. They don't have very many books, Uncle Jim," she said. "And a lot of them have a lot of ripped pages."

Joining her at the bookcase, he knelt down and placed an arm around her thin, strong shoulders. She leaned into his side comfortably.

"Well, they don't have a lot of money for extra books, Jo. They usually use what other people give to them," Jim explained. Joanna was quiet for a moment, considering that.

"I have a lot of books," she said. "I don't read some of them anymore because I'm too old."

Jim smiled, having a pretty good idea of what was going through her little head, and took her hand as he stood up.

"C'mon sweetie. Let's head home."

Later that night, after Joanna had gone to bed, Leonard was watching Jim over the kitchen table. He'd tried hard to play it down, but it was obvious to him that something was on mind. When he asked about it though, Jim just gave him a quick smile and shook his head, brushing his inquiry aside.

"Nah, it's nothing…I think I'm going to upload my dissertation tonight. I think it's ready," he replied. That was nearly an hour and a half ago. They'd each settled at the kitchen table with their work, just enjoying the quiet companionship.

Leonard finished what he'd been working on, and gently closed his laptop. Gathering up the files he'd brought home with him, he peered at Jim who was still staring intently at his laptop screen. Jim absently pushed his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose and bit his lip as his eyes moved quickly over the text.

It was done. It looked done…his shifted his gaze to the four bound copies in front of him, hardcopy versions of what was on his screen, all paired with the administrative paperwork as well. He was pretty sure it was as perfect as it was going to get.

So…if he clicked on upload, that would be it. He would have forty eight hours to deliver the printed versions of his dissertation. All the work he'd crammed into the last few years, all the time he'd spent researching and examining the data he'd collected and writing and revising and working to bring this part of his life to a close so he could just get on with things already….

All of the work he'd done, and everything he still wanted to do, wrapped up in this single file that looked like it was ready to be uploaded and handed in and examined by the board determining the outcome of his Ph.D. candidacy.

All of it. Right here. Just waiting to be uploaded.

Jim's finger hovered over the mousepad as he stared at the screen.

"Maybe I should go through it one more time," he mumbled.

Across the table from him, Leonard sighed. "Jim," he said. "It's good. It's solid, it's well-written, well-researched and supported. It's ready. Send it."

Jim looked up at Bones, feeling sheepish for being so nervous about this when he seemed so certain. He'd read it, questioned him over it, applied his considerable intelligence and his own research experience to pressing the validity of it, and so if Bones said it was good, then it was good. But so much was riding on this one last paper – his career, his future in a field he'd wanted to be a part of for so long, how he'd identified himself for so long…so much.

Leonard quirked an eyebrow, lips curving upward in a little smile.

"Trust me."

Looking back at the screen, Jim took a deep breath…and left-clicked.

Sitting back against the chair, Jim let out a breath, squeezing his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger tiredly. "It's done."

Jim opened his eyes when he heard the chair Bones was sitting in scrape back as he stood.

"Congratulations, Jim," he said, and leaned down to give him a kiss.

Jim smiled when he pulled away. "Don't congratulate me yet. I still have to defend it."

"That's the easy part," Bones said. He searched Jim's eyes, and felt that there was still something bothering him. Taking Jim's hand, he gently tugged. "C'mon. You're tired, I'm tired…let's call it a night."

Jim stood with a sigh and followed Bones out of the kitchen to their bedroom. Closing the door behind him, he turned to Jim and wrapped his arms around him. Jim did the same, winding his arms around Bones' waist, resting his head on his shoulder. He felt Bones run his hands up and down his back, one hand coming up to gently massage his neck, feeling the tightness there.

"What's wrong?" he murmured. "I know it's not just your dissertation. Tell me what it is."

Jim swallowed. If he told Bones about the call from the doctor's office, there was no way he'd let it go. He would push and prod, and quite possibly make the appointment for Jim himself if Jim refused to do it.

And he didn't want to do it. He didn't want any more follow up work. He was fine. He was sure he was fine.

Gently pulling back, Jim kissed Bones again. He let his hands wander down Bones' body to his ass, holding him firmly and making his desire clear.

And he did something he hadn't done in their relationship yet.

He lied.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris Pike ruminates on what makes Jim who he is, and gives him some insight into what he's been doing. That night, Jim finally admits to Leonard what's been going on for the past week.

Chris sighed and looked over his glasses at the young man sprawled across his couch. He and Jim had a semi-permanent standing time together once a week. Not always for counseling – it was nothing that formal – more often than not Jim had used the time to work on his dissertation, bouncing ideas off of him. Sometimes they would just visit, and sometimes they would each just work quietly in each other's company. And, yes, sometimes Jim needed him to be his psychologist again.

That was how their relationship started off, more than seven years ago now. Jim had been such a different person back then – an angry, withdrawn, hurt young man. Referred to Chris by his academic advisor at the university, he was just eighteen when they met. Eighteen, already a sophomore, due to the college credits he'd amassed in high school coupled with testing out of some of the basic requirement classes, and in completely over his head. The University of California was a long way away from Riverside, Iowa, and he'd been so young, and he'd felt completely alone. He'd had no idea who he actually was, or how to deal with who he'd been, and no one to help him figure it out…until he met Chris.

Jim's Resident Advisor in the dorm he lived in had flagged him as a possible issue when he and a couple of other students got into a fight over a carelessly tossed out comment. Despite being outnumbered and outmatched, Jim hadn't been willing to back down, and he'd ended up nursing a split lip and a black eye. It hadn't ended there, though. Some of his teachers called him argumentative, and he had a habit for blowing off classes he wasn't allowed to test out of and felt were a waste of time. Some of the professors complained about that, but as he handed in assignments and showed up for tests, and aced them, there was really no disciplinary action to be taken. But when they looked at him, the TAs and professors saw a problem.

Jim didn't necessarily have a self-destructive streak, but he was careless with himself and with his life. The pain of watching his stepfather succumb to alcoholism, and the abuse he'd suffered at his hands, was never acknowledged, but simply swept aside. He hadn't properly dealt with the death of his high school friend, and the guilt he carried for so long about that had settled so deeply in him weighed him down and made him question his own right to a happy life. Dealing with his mother's passive rejection of him because of his sexuality and then later her brutally short illness had further cracked an already shaky foundation.

The first year of knowing Jim, Chris was sure he was going to wash out. He just didn't seem to care enough about himself to be willing to put in the work. When Chris had plainly laid it out for him, Jim hadn't argued or disagreed or anything like that.

_"Yeah, you're probably right," Jim said, shrugging._

_"So why are you even here?" Chris asked, trying to get him to crack just a little more. Because if he could, then maybe he could help Jim rebuild himself._

_Jim hesitated for a long moment, his gaze off to the side, before answering. "I…hoped I could be different. Better."_

It wasn't much of an opening, but it was an opening. And Chris, recognizing the hope that was still there, despite the fact that it was broken, took it.

Jim was so very different now, and Chris couldn't help but feel a fatherly pride toward him, how much he'd accomplished, and the man he'd grown into. And over the last few months, he'd witnessed another incredible change in Jim, and now he was actually settling into a family unit with Leonard and his daughter.

Which made his presence here, in his office, lying moodily on his couch, so worrying. Chris hadn't seen him like this in a long time.

"Jim, are you here for something in particular?" Chris asked finally, taking off his glasses.

Jim looked over at him, a bland expression on his face. "Didn't realize I was bothering you. I'll just get going," he said, starting to push himself up from the couch.

Chris rolled his eyes at the attitude. It was like they'd slipped back a few years. "Sit your ass down. You know that's not what I meant. What's wrong with you?"

Jim sat back and tipped his head up, focusing on the ceiling, and bit his lip. "I lied to Bones," he mumbled, ashamed to even admit it. Chris watched as he brought a hand up to rub his eyes, sighing heavily. "It was a stupid thing to do."

Chris raised his eyebrows slightly. "Not to mention hypocritical," he said. "Or have you forgotten sitting here telling me you were concerned Leonard wouldn't trust  _you_ enough?"

Jim winced and gave Chris a sour look. "No, I haven't forgotten. Thanks for that, by the way."

Chris shrugged. "It's what I'm here for…perspective. So what are you going to do to fix it?"

"Don't you want to know what I lied about?" Jim asked, not sure what he wanted the answer to be. All he knew was that for the last week he'd felt sick to his stomach over it. What was worse, Bones had, of course, noticed. And he'd asked a couple of times. And Jim kept saying it was nothing, and every time he did, Bones looked a little more hurt, and over the last few nights, he'd slept a little further away.

And the damn doctor's office kept calling. And, oh, god…what if…what if it was something bad?

"Does it matter what you lied about?" Chris shot back. Whatever it was, it was eating Jim up…he could easily see that. Chris knew Jim well enough to be certain that he wouldn't cheat on Leonard or anything like that, but whatever it was, it was obviously significant to Jim.

"No," Jim muttered after a second. It didn't matter. He lied, and Bones knew he was lying. Every day he let it go on, the more it was hurting him. Hurting them.

After everything Bones had trusted him with – Jim had pushed Bones to trust him with – his past, his life, his child…Chris was right. He was a hypocrite.

But…he was scared. He hated to admit it to himself…probably wouldn't admit it to anyone if Bones didn't already know. Not even Chris, who knew practically everything else about him, knew exactly how averse he was to dealing with medical issues. But Bones…he'd been able to read him so easily. And he didn't judge him, or make him feel stupid about his fear, or do anything that he almost expected. He'd just accepted it, and then did what he could to help.

He was going to need Bones' help, he knew. He just hoped he hadn't screwed up too badly. He hoped Bones would forgive him.

"So, again," Chris said. "What are you going to do to fix it?"

Jim sighed, closing his eyes. They both knew there was only one answer.

"I know I have to tell him," Jim said.

He was inordinately anxious about it…but not just because he knew he had to fess up to Bones, but because he knew it also meant having to deal with whatever the doctor's office was calling him about. And that…that was the root of the real problem. His mind was caught up in a viscous cycle of "what ifs" – What if Bones was really angry with him? What if he didn't forgive him for this…especially about this. And worst of all, what if…whatever it was  _was_ bad, and he had to face it alone?

Jim took a breath and blew it out slowly, and Chris looked at him with sympathy. He was a little surprised at how distraught Jim was over this.

"Jim," Chris said, and paused, waiting for him to meet his eyes. "This isn't great, but it's not the end of the world. Leonard will forgive you. Just be honest."

And because Chris didn't know what the real problem was, and Jim wasn't interested in getting into it, he offered him a wan smile and nodded. Jim pushed himself off the couch. He needed to get home.

"Thanks, Chris," Jim said. Chris waived him off.

"I didn't say anything you didn't already know."

Jim made his way quickly to his car, cursing as his cell rang again. It was after five…couldn't be the doctor's office at least. Glancing at the display, he answered it as he slid into the driver's seat.

"Aurelan, hey. How are you?"

"Jim – I'm so glad I caught you."

"Everything okay?" Jim asked, concerned.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just in a bit of a bind. Sam's working late, I've got a dinner meeting with a prospective client, and my babysitter just canceled on me. Do you think you could come over and watch the girls? I shouldn't be out too late," Aurelan said.

Jim hesitated, checking a sigh. Normally, he wouldn't have to even consider helping his sister-in-law out…but now that he'd made up his mind, he really wanted to get home and talk to Bones. Apparently, he hesitated too long.

"You know what, I'm sorry…never mind. You're busy, I know…I can just-"

"No, no…of course I'll come over. I can be there in about half an hour," he said.

"Really? That would be so terrific. Are you sure?"

Jim could hear the relief in her voice, and smiled slightly. "Definitely. It's not a problem."

 

* * *

 

"Daddy, can I have a box?" Joanna asked, dropping her backpack on a chair at the table. Leonard looked over his shoulder at her as got her some goldfish and a juicebox.

"What do you need a box for Baby?" he asked. He set the bowl down on the table for her as she settled herself on a chair.

"When me and Uncle Jim go to the daycare tomorrow I want to bring them some of my books that I'm too old for," she said, crunching on the goldfish.

"You do, huh?" he said, pulling an apple out of the fruitbowl and sitting across from her. He took a bite and chewed. "What made you think of that?"

"Well, they didn't have a lot of books, and they had ripped pages and looked old. And Uncle Jim said they don't have a lot of money to buy new books, and they just have to use what people give them. And I have a lot that I don't read anymore because I'm too old for them and I want to give them some of my old books. Can I?"

Touched by her desire to share what she had with others, especially as an only child who grew up having pretty much everything she wanted without having to share, he smiled and got up to give her a kiss. "You're a real sweet girl, Jo. I'll find you a box and you can pack it up. I'm sure the kids will love reading some new books." He reached for her backpack and zipped it open, sitting back down. "Do you have anything in here to show me?"

"I have a note from Ms. Chapel," she said. "And some work. I have words I have to write and maybe I can do another page from my mathbook."

"Okay," he said, fishing out the parent folder. He looked at all of the pages Chapel had sent back with checks and smiley faces on them. They looked pretty simplistic for what he knew Joanna could do, and found himself wondering if she was being challenged enough. "Good job on all of these Jo," he said. "Do you like being in Ms. Chapel's class?"

Jo shrugged. "Yeah," she said. "I like the spelling tests and the reading time we have."

"Do you think the work is too easy? Are you bored in class?" Leonard asked curiously.

"Sometimes, when we're all doing the same thing and I'm waiting for everyone to turn in their work. But then I just read. And Ms. Chapel gives me other workbooks to do. I think there's a math page in the folder that I got some wrong. Can you help me with them?"

"Sure, Baby." He found the math page she was talking about…triple-digit subtraction with borrowing…and felt a little more confident that she was being challenged. But maybe he should set up a conference with Chapel anyway, just to make sure.

"Can I watch tv for a few minutes?" Jo asked, already slipping down off the chair. "I think Fairly Oddparents is on."

"Sure, then we'll go over your math and do the words you have to write, sound good?"

Jo nodded, and he followed her out of the kitchen to the family room. He put her juice box on the side table for her, reminded her not to spill the goldfish in the couch cushions, and found the right channel for her.

Leaving her to it, Leonard went back into the kitchen. Picking up the sealed envelope that was probably the note Joanna mentioned, he put Jo's lunchbox on the counter to be dealt with later. He opened the letter and skimmed it quickly. Then, hardly believing what he was reading, had to read it again.

"Oh, god _damnit_ ," he muttered. "You have got to be kidding me!"

It was a note from Dehner asking that he set up a time to come in and talk with her and Ms. Chapel regarding some remarks Joanna made in class about her family. It was a very polite note, and was clear that Joanna had done nothing wrong. It did say that in light of some concerns brought to the administration by other parents whose children were repeating what they heard in class, they wanted to meet "to discuss simple strategies to be sure that the classroom remains an encouraging, inclusive learning environment for all of the students".

Leonard felt his blood boil at the message within the letter itself. "Encouraging, inclusive learning environment" – that was the biggest load of bullshit he'd ever heard. What was really being said was that Joanna said something about her family that got back to another parent and ruffled their straight feathers. If Dehner really wanted to discuss how to be encouraging and inclusive, they wouldn't be calling him in, as if what Joanna had said was the problem. They'd be calling in those parents to give them a full and complete lesson in acceptance.

He sighed in annoyance, reading through the letter again, and couldn't help but remember some of what his mother had warned him about the night he'd told her about his relationship with Jim. That prejudices existed, and while it might be easier here for them here instead of Smalltown, Georgia, he was going to run into problems that a single father, or a man and a woman, just wouldn't. Apparently, this was part of it. If he was being honest with himself, he was a little surprised. He hadn't really expected…this. This passive-aggressive, somewhat roundabout way of saying his relationship with Jim wasn't okay, wasn't the same, wasn't accepted, like everyone else's. He'd expected more direct attacks against him. He didn't expect this attention on his daughter.

He wasn't about to let it become a serious issue for her, though. Especially not somewhere she should be safe and insulated from the prejudices of adults. So if they were going to have him in for this, they were going to get an earful. As a matter of fact, he thought it might be a good idea to include that assistant principal, and maybe Uhura as well. That thought brought him up short, and he found himself going back and forth over what was more disturbing – the thought that Uhura already knew about the fact that he was being asked for a conference, or that she didn't know about it.

It didn't really matter, he decided. There were problems with either scenario. Whether or not she knew about it didn't change the fact that this had to stop, and it had to stop now. He wasn't going to keep Joanna in a school that singled her out like this. So, as annoyed as he was, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. They were handing him the opportunity to set them straight. Damn if he wasn't going to take it.

Leaving her math and her spelling homework on the table, Leonard folded the note and stuck it in his pocket. He rummaged around in the fridge and freezer, pulling out the makings of dinner, his mind still on the troubling sentiment behind the note. He wondered if Jim knew anything about this, or if Dehner hadn't seen fit to clue him in. Most likely the latter, he decided. If they'd talked to Jim about it, he probably would've called Leonard to give him a head's up.

Leonard glanced at the clock. He and Joanna had run a couple of errands before coming home, and now it was a little after five…Jim should be home by now. He wished he was….he wanted to talk to him…he missed really talking to him.

Things had been different, this last week, between them. And Leonard, though he had done his best to let it go, was worried. He was pretty sure Jim had been lying to him about something. Something was obviously bothering him, and every time he asked about it Jim would paste a fake smile on his face and deny it, and then change the subject. And a couple of times, Leonard had seen him cancel a call coming in on his cell after glancing at the number. It looked like…like Jim was trying to avoid talking to someone. At least, not in front of Leonard.

He didn't consider himself to be a jealous or overly suspicious person…but there was that other shoe he'd been concerned about since the beginning, and the last week hadn't done anything to help. While he wasn't necessarily worried that Jim was seeing someone else, he  _was_ starting to get worried that he was just...tired…of dealing with the predictable day-to-day of being involved with someone with a child. He knew it wasn't a very exciting life. He knew Jim could do anything he wanted. He knew Jim could have…anyone he wanted.

And god, he hoped not. With the whole of his heart, he hoped that wasn't what was happening here. Just the mere thought of it hurt. But, really, what else was he supposed to think?

In the background, he heard the closing song of the cartoon Joanna was watching, and called her back into the kitchen to do some work while dinner cooked. She turned off the tv and joined him, and they went through the math questions she'd missed. While she was working on correcting her work, Leonard's phone rang. Checking the screen, he was surprised to see Jim calling. Getting up from the table, he headed into the family room to talk with him.

"Hey, Jim…on your way home?"

Over the line, Jim sighed.

"No, actually. Aurelan called – she's in a bind…Sam's working late, she has an appointment, and her babysitter canceled on her. She asked if I could stay with the girls for a while, so I'm headed there."

"Oh, okay," Leonard replied, disappointed. He'd really wanted to talk to him tonight. And not just about the letter.

"You don't mind, do you?" Jim asked.

"No, no…of course not," he paused, wondering if he should bring the letter up now. "Do you think you'll be late?"

"Aurelan didn't think so. It's a dinner meeting she's going to, so it shouldn't be too late."

"Okay, well, I have something I want to talk to you about when you get home. Nothing bad," Leonard added quickly, realizing how that probably sounded. "Chapel sent a note home with Jo asking for a conference."

"Really. Nobody told me anything about it."

"I figured as much."

"Yeah. Okay, well, I'm pulling up to her house, so I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see you later." Leonard paused. "And…Jim? I love you."

Leonard closed his eyes and swallowed when Jim hesitated.

"Love you too, Bones."

 

* * *

 

Jim opened the door quietly, quickly disarming the alarm and then resetting it. Bones had left a light on for him over the stove. Glancing at the microwave clock as he switched it off, he sighed. It was a lot later than he thought he would be getting home…after eleven already.

Making his way through the darkened family room and down the hall, he paused at Joanna's door, pushing it open slightly to peer inside, the bed and sleeping child in it barely illuminated by the soft glow of the nightlight. He could make out her still form on the bed, the sound of her breathing drowned out by the sound machine.

It was on its highest setting now, and the change in the way Joanna handled day to day noises was markedly different. The last time they'd been to see Dr. Spock, right before school started, her sensitivities were almost with normal ranges. It wouldn't be long before she had no need of the nightly sound therapy, though Jim wondered if, after so long, if she would be able to fall asleep without it.

Quietly withdrawing, he pulled the door mostly closed again and looked down the hall to the bedroom he shared with Bones. That door was slightly open, too, and there was the soft light of a bedside lamp on its lowest power spilling into the darkened hallway. He didn't hear anything, and wondered if Bones had waited up for him. Wondered if tonight was really the best night to come clean and tell him what had been going on, and why. Maybe he should just wait. Maybe he should call the doctor's office first and demand to know what they wanted him back for. Maybe none of that would matter and Bones would be so disgusted with him…Taking a breath, he cut off that line of thought. He'd just...see how it went. Maybe Bones wasn't even awake. To his shame, he could admit to himself that he kind of hoped he wasn't.

Stepping into the bedroom, Jim couldn't help but smile at the sight that awaited him. Bones was still up. He had waited for him. That meant surprising more than he'd realized it would.

"Hey," Leonard said, looking up when Jim quietly pushed the door closed.

He set the papers he'd been reading aside and really gave him a searching look…and he didn't like what he saw. Jim looked stressed…and worried. And that made him worry even more. Maybe they'd moved in together too fast. Maybe Jim had decided that this was just too much, and just didn't know how to say it. Leonard didn't doubt that Jim loved him, but maybe what he felt just wasn't enough, and that what was making him seem so distant.

He hoped not. God, he hoped not. But he had to know. The last thing he wanted was for Jim to stay in this with them – with he and Joanna – and always wonder if there was something better for himself. You can't build a life like that. He'd had to learn that once the hard way, and it wasn't a lesson he needed twice.

Getting up from the bed, he crossed the room to Jim. Standing in front of him, searching his eyes for a moment, he reached out to pull Jim into a hug with a sigh. He closed his eyes and held on a little tighter when he felt Jim put his arms around him in return.

"We have to talk," Leonard said quietly. "But it's been a long day…do you want to get settled in first?"

At that Jim seemed to snap out of the uncertainty and pulled back to offer Leonard a smile.

"Sure," he said. "Give me ten minutes."

Leonard smirked. "Oh, feel free to take at least fifteen."

Jim chuckled and leaned in to kiss him, feeling some of the tightness in his chest loosen a little. Chris was right. It would be okay. They would be okay.

Leonard stepped away from him and Jim made quick work of disrobing, dropping his clothing in the hamper on the way to the bathroom. Leonard settled back down as the water to the shower turned on, and though he tried to pick up where he left off with his paperwork, he found he couldn't. Giving up, he put them away and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and a cup of hot chocolate (with marshmallows), for something to do more than anything else.

Carrying the mugs back into the bedroom, he felt his heart pull at the sight that greeted him. Jim, dressed in a plain white t-shirt and blue plaid pajama bottoms was rubbing a towel over his head to dry his hair, messing it crazily.  _He looks so young._

"Made you some hot chocolate," he said, setting it down on the bureau. He took his tea and went to sit on the edge of the bed, rolling his eyes as he watched Jim now tried to flatten his hair by using his fingers.

"Thanks, Bones. So…you got a letter from school?"

Leonard pressed his lips together. Yes, they needed to talk about that…but that could wait. Sometimes other things came first.

"Yes…but that's not what I want…" he trailed off. "Jim…what's going on?"

Jim hesitated and covered that hesitation by taking a careful sip of the hot chocolate Bones made for him, keeping his back to the bed where he sat. He could deny it again. He didn't have to admit what was going on tonight.

"Please…tell me what it is," Leonard added after a moment, and Jim felt his shoulders slump. There was no way he could ignore that. Jim turned back around, but found he couldn't make himself look up at him quiet yet.

"Okay," Jim said quietly.

Leonard watched as he seemed to take an aborted step toward the bed, then still himself, as if he wasn't sure where to go.

"Come sit with me, Jim," Leonard said, deliberately moving over. Whatever this was, it was obviously hard for him. No reason to make it worse by pretending he didn't care about how he felt. Because he did…so much it hurt. Glancing up at him, Jim nodded and joined him, sitting cross-legged, facing Leonard. "Whatever it is, Jim, I want-"

"I've been lying to you," Jim interrupted suddenly. "All week. Which was stupid, I know…really stupid. But, you were right the whole time. There is something bothering me, and I've just been too much of a coward to be honest about it. And now I'm just afraid it's…too late for this. Too little, too late – but, I'm so sorry."

Leonard settled further back against the headboard, feeling an awful certainty settle deep within him, weighing him down. He swallowed, hardly even wanting to ask. But he had to know, so he did.

"What did you lie about?"

Looking up at Leonard for the first time, Jim seemed to be forcing himself to keep eye contact. "Auphrey's office has been calling me to come in for some additional follow up on my bloodwork," Jim replied.

Leonard raised his eyebrows, waiting for the rest of it. When it didn't seem like Jim was going to be offering anything else, prodded, "And?"

Pulling a pillow to him, holding it against his chest, Jim glanced back up at him. "And I lied to you. They've been calling – since last Tuesday – and I've been too chickenshit to call them back."

Leonard's brows drew together as he put together what was going on with Jim. And when he thought he understood it, it was all he could do to keep his voice down. It was a good thing there was a closed door and a sound machine between them and his sleeping daughter.

"Goddamnit Jim!" he exclaimed, ignoring the way Jim flinched. "They've been calling you for a week to come in, and what, you've just been ignoring them? Have you even talked to them at all?" He didn't even wait for the response. "I know you hate doctors and all things medical, but Jesus Jim…you can't just ignore it if there's a potential problem! Why the hell would you not at least make an appointment to find out what it was?"

Twisting the pillow in his hands, Jim shrugged slightly, still struggling to say it out loud.

"I kept telling myself it was nothing…that I'm fine. I just – didn't want to know if there was something wrong."

Leonard stared at Jim for a moment, and then it clicked. And he felt his anger dissolve into sympathetic exasperation.

"Jim…come here," Leonard said, sitting up and reaching to him. Jim set the pillow aside, but still hesitated before moving to join him.

"You're…not angry?" he asked.

Leonard sighed. "Well, I'm not thrilled. But honestly, I'd worked myself up to thinking you'd decided you wanted to break up. So…no…given the situation, I'm not angry. I am concerned, though."

Jim's expression went from slightly wary to apologetic in a split second at that. "Break up? Bones…no! Of course not…I told you…" Jim shifted up the bed to move into Bones' space. "I'm not going to change my mind. I love you…I just thought you'd be pissed at me for not telling you."

Jim fit himself against Bones and felt the knot of tension inside of him release for the first time in a week. He closed his eyes in relief as Bones wrapped his arm around him and held him tightly. They just sat quietly for a minute, each feeling relief that the situation was not they'd each feared.

"I trust you completely, Jim," Bones said, after a couple of moments.

"I know," Jim replied quietly. He knew what was coming.

"I just wish you'd trusted me with this when they first called."

Jim sighed, struggling to put his feelings into words. "I  _do_ trust you, Bones. I do. I just…I'm just really-"

"Scared," Leonard finished for him.

Jim blew out a tight breath and squeezed his eyes closed as he felt himself flush. "Yeah," he admitted. "What if…pancreatic cancer can be hereditary you know."

Leonard reached for one of Jim's hands, entwining their fingers together.

"It's hereditary in only ten percent of cases, Jim. And there's nothing that would've showed up on a regular physical's blood test to indicate that you have it." He paused, gently rubbing his thumb over Jim's hand. "This could be anything. It could be something as simple as your cholesterol level."

"Or it could be more serious."

"Yes, or it could be more serious. But Jim, we have to know. Whatever it is, if it's anything at all, let's fix it."

Jim didn't answer, but turned a little more into Leonard's side. Leonard reached over to the bedside table and snapped the light off, guiding them both down. It was late…they were both tired. Jim shifted around, pulling the blanket up and over them, and lay down. Leonard pressed against his back, wrapping an arm around his chest to catch one of Jim's hands.

"I'm sorry," Jim whispered, and Leonard knew he was apologizing for more than simply not calling the doctor's office back.

Holding him tightly, trying to show him with everything he had, Leonard quietly replied, "I know…It's okay. I love you, Jim. Please believe that. Believe  _me_."

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard prepare for the meeting with the school administrators, and Jim gets a partial diagnosis.

"You're sure you don't want me to be there?" Jim asked.

Leonard paused in what he was doing to look up at him. Everything about that question felt off.

"Jim – the only reason I think it'd be better for me to talk to them alone is that you have to work there. After this meeting is done, I get to leave, but you'll still have to deal with Dehner and Finnegan."

"I think you're burning that shirt," Jim said mildly.

"What? Oh – damnit." Leonard raised the iron quickly, and sighed. "I really liked this one."

Leonard removed the shirt from the ironing board and balled it up, tossing it aside. He turned his attention to Jim, who was sitting in the middle of the bed surrounded by laundry, some folded, most not.

"I appreciate that Bones, but I don't need help handling myself at work," Jim said.

He stopped, taking a moment to think of the best way to put what was on the tip of his tongue into a more cohesive explanation.

"This situation with Dehner and the other parents…it's not because of  _you_. And it's not because of  _me_. It's because of  _us_ , and I feel like I should be there. We should meet with them together, and deal with this together."

Leonard snagged another shirt from the pile and laid it across the board, thinking. Jim had a good point, and the idea of presenting a united front did appeal to him. But Jim was relatively new to the politics of an office workplace…especially in an organization that ruled by administration and board – something that schools and hospitals had in common. Leonard, however, wasn't new to it. He knew exactly how damaging just one vindictive person could be in a setting like that, and he didn't doubt for one second that Dehner could cause Jim trouble that extended beyond the walls of McKinley, if she wanted to. He knew that she was a well-established, well-respected member of the educational field. Someone like that had contacts and friends everywhere. Leonard knew that Jim knew this…he just wasn't sure he was taking what impact she could have on his future into account.

Before Leonard could figure out how best to articulate everything running through his mind, Jim sighed and said, "Look – I know you're the parent, and obviously if you prefer that I'm not there, then of course, I won't be there. I just…I think that's a mistake. It's also not what you said before, either…when you said that we would be the solution together."

Leonard looked up at Jim, pulling the ironed shirt off the board. He was busily folding a bath towel, and studiously keeping his eyes on that task, but Leonard could see and hear how strongly Jim felt about this. And it occurred to him, then, that there was more going on here. That Jim probably saw this as his first real test as a parental figure in Joanna's life. And Leonard knew what that meant to him.

"You know what, Jim, you're right. You should be there," Leonard said.

"Yeah?" Jim checked, looking up at him hopefully. "Really? 'Cause I don't want you to agree just for me."

"Really," Leonard confirmed. "You're right about all of it. I want you to be there. Now, I'm supposed to come in first thing after dropping Joanna off. Can you arrange that, or should we make the meeting for after school instead?"

Jim nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah, I can arrange that," he said. He looked down at the piece of laundry he had in his hands. "Thanks, Bones."

Leonard's lips quirked up in a funny half smile. "Don't thank me yet. I've had it, and they're gonna know just how fed up with all of this I am."

"I…actually can't wait to see that," Jim said, a smile spreading across his face. "I certainly won't stop you from letting loose. Some of them could use a good swift kick in the ass."

"Daddy!" Joanna's voice called from the hallway.

"Yes, Baby?"

"Me and Janie wanna do something!"

"What do you want to do?" Leonard called back.

A moment later, he and Jim smiled at the sound of two sets of little feet running down the hallway. Joanna and Janie burst into the bedroom.

"Can you take us to the park please?" Joanna asked, pasting as sincere a look on her face as she could manage.

"Pretty please?" Janie added, blue eyes wide and innocently pleading.

Leonard heaved a huge sigh and looked over at Jim. "I don't know," he said. "What do you think? Should we take them to the park, or should we put them to work on chores?"

"If we give them chores…then we can watch a movie," Jim suggested, a smile on his face.

"Uncle Jim!" Janie shouted, running over to where he sat on the bed and clambering up, knocking over a pile of folded shirts. "I don't want to do  _chores_! You can come to the park with us!"

"Please Daddy? Pretty please?" Joanna added. She shrieked happily as Leonard scooped her up and cradled her in his arms. He pressed his forehead to hers and kissed her nose. Joanna put her hands on her father's cheeks. "Will you take us to the park?"

Leonard smiled and set her back down. "Oh, okay. You've convinced me. Why don't you guys go put on your shoes, and Jim and I will pack some snacks, okay?"

"Okay!" they shouted together. They ran out of the room to go get ready and Leonard and Jim followed, them, leaving the rest of the clean laundry to be dealt with later.

It was a beautiful day, unseasonably warm, and Leonard was glad the girls could take advantage of the weather by being outside. Of course, the fact that it would help wear them out in time for bed was also a big incentive. Jim and Leonard chased the girls around for a while, then parked themselves on a bench, watching as they made up games and characters and adventures. Leonard noticed that Joanna was becoming more assertive with Janie, and more often than not, it was her story they acted out. It was good to see. That was more like the child he knew.

"Did you confirm with Aurelan for Monday afternoon?" Leonard asked after a few minutes of sitting quietly. Beside him, Jim shifted slightly and sighed.

"Yeah – we're covered. She's going to pick up Janie a bit early so she can make it to McKinley to get Joanna, and then we can get Jo on our way home."

"Great. So, I'll meet you outside the Main Office, okay?"

Jim didn't answer and Leonard looked over at him. "Jim…"

"What?" he asked irritably. "I made the appointment, I asked Aurelan to pick up Jo, you're going to pick me up to make sure I actually go…everything's arranged. Can we please just drop it?"

Leonard's eyebrows raised, a little surprised at the attitude. He knew Jim was nervous about going back to the doctor's office, but he hadn't realized how much it must be stressing him.

"Okay," he said, keeping the automatic  _don't be such an infant_ out of it. "It's dropped."

Shoulder to shoulder, Leonard felt it as Jim seemed to deflate a little beside him. "Sorry," he muttered. "I just don't want to think about it."

Leonard looked around quickly – there were just a few other people at the park, and none of them were paying them any attention. He wound an arm around Jim's shoulders and gave him a squeeze as Jim leaned into him slightly.

"It's okay," Leonard replied simply. They sat in comfortable silence after that, watching the girls play, until the sun started to set and the temperature dropped a couple more degrees. On the way home, they stopped to pick up a pizza for dinner, and the rest of the evening passed with pizza and movies, games and stories and, finally, bedtime. Jim seemed to be back in good spirits – or he was putting on a good show for the girls, Leonard thought.

Once the girls were finally asleep, and Jim and Leonard were alone together, Leonard pulled Jim to him and held him close, tenderly brushing his hair away from his face. Jim wound his arms around Leonard and held on, taking the comfort being offered and leaving everything else – the self-consciousness and the embarrassment over needing this comfort – behind.

For the first time, Jim thought he really understood why Bones was so grateful for his simple acceptance of his hang-ups about sex. It was…freeing…to be able to feel however he wanted and not worry about what someone thought about him – to know that he could feel worried or nervous and not be judged for it. Because Jim knew it was stupid and juvenile, but he couldn't stop thinking about what was waiting for him Monday afternoon – about what Auphrey was going to say, or worse, about what he was going to want to  _do_.

Leonard kissed Jim softly, gently rubbing his back, wishing there was something more he could say or do to help Jim deal with this. He knew, though, that this excessive worry about the upcoming appointment was a symptom of his long-ignored phobia. All he could do for Jim was be supportive and understanding, and he was more than happy to be that.

 

* * *

 

Dr. Russ Auphrey took a moment to gather his thoughts before going into the office where he was going to meet Jim Kirk and his friend…his partner…Leonard McCoy. He didn't know McCoy personally, but one of his friends had shared an article that had been published fairly recently about the man's work. It was out of his field, but he understood the medicine behind McCoy's research and the trial he was currently running. Pretty impressive stuff that could be the first good news about a devastating illness for the first time in a long time.

When McCoy had first contacted him, explained that he'd come recommended from a mutual acquaintance, he'd been slightly puzzled about why a neurologist was looking for a reference for a General Practitioner like himself, until he'd explained the situation about Jim Kirk and his almost pathological aversion to all things medical.

Except, it would seem, Dr. McCoy himself.

It was…unusual…for someone like McCoy – whose professional reputation was particularly important – to be as open about his relationship as he was. But the man was obviously confident in himself, in his profession, and in the belief that his personal life had no bearing on his professional life, something that Auphrey was on board with. He didn't care what McCoy did with his own life if his work could do something to help people afflicted with ALS.

So, he'd agreed to take Jim Kirk as a patient, and made a note to himself on Kirk's intake chart about his aversion to doctors. He'd seen what McCoy had warned him about right away. In everything from the way Kirk responded to him, to the way he flinched slightly from his clinical touch and his initial outright refusal to have a portion of the physical exam done. It had even manifested in a raised blood pressure rate. WCH – white coat hypertension – wasn't something he saw often, but it did happen.

Because of all that, because he knew Kirk had dodged his office's calls for a week, because Kirk had seemed to enjoy near-perfect health his whole life, he took a minute to make sure he had everything he wanted to say and cover firmly in mind, and was prepared to handle any response he may encounter.

While he was looking at the report one last time, Leonard and Jim were shown to his office.

"Bones…" Jim muttered, as he settled in one of the chairs at the doctor's desk. He swallowed. "Why are they having us meet him in here? It's bad…I know it."

"Jim, stop it," Leonard said, taking his hand. He threaded their fingers together and squeezed him reassuringly. "It doesn't mean anything. Maybe all the patient rooms are busy."

Jim nodded distractedly, trying to hold on to that reasoning and not let the disturbing thoughts that had been keeping him up at night from taking over now. Now, he needed to hold on to every reassurance Bones had tried to give him since he'd come clean and told him that the doctor's office wanted to see him again. He took a breath and let it out slowly…did it again, and then once more, trying to get his heart rate to slow. God he hated this.

"Jim?"

"Sorry, what?" Jim asked, dragging his eyes up from the hand he had clenched in his lap as he realized he'd missed whatever Bones had been saying.

Leonard gave him a small smile and searched his eyes. He could see how nervous and unsettled Jim was, and was trying to give him something that would distract him.

"I said, I was thinking maybe we could take a trip this weekend," Leonard repeated.

"Yeah? Where?"

"I was thinking Napa Valley. I've always wanted to go."

"Not really into wine tasting, Bones. And it's not really a great place for Jo – not much to do there," Jim said shortly, recognizing the tactic for what it was, and not really in the mood to play along right now.

"I'm not really into wine tasting either – but I heard they have some great restaurants, beautiful horseback trails – and I wasn't really thinking about bringing Joanna," Leonard replied.

Jim looked over at him, a little more interested now.

"Yeah?"

Before Leonard could answer, the door opened and Dr. Auphrey entered, carrying a file folder with him.

"Mr. Kirk, Dr. McCoy – thank you for coming in today. I'm sorry to keep you waiting," Auphrey said as he entered the room, chart in hand. He shook their hands, noticed that Jim's palm was a little sweaty, and immediately decided to leave off the admonishment about wasting his office staff's time calling him repeatedly. Now was not the time.

"Not a problem – we just got here," McCoy replied. Jim didn't respond, but offered a nervous smile. Auphrey took just a moment to really look at him. There was obviously tension throughout his frame and he looked pale.

"Okay, so let's talk," Auphrey said, as he settled into his chair. "Mr. Kirk - "

"Jim," he interrupted. "Call me Jim."

Auphrey smiled slightly and inclined his head. "Jim – when I palpitated your abdomen, I thought I felt something here…in your upper right quadrant," he said, placing a hand on his own body to illustrate.

 _Liver, ascending colon, diaphragm, ribs, external abdominal oblique muscle_ , ran through Leonard's head.

"Because of that, when I sent your blood work, I put an order for specific liver enzyme tests. Some of the levels are more elevated than they should be."

"How elevated?" Leonard asked, as he held his hand out Jim's chart out of simple habit. Auphrey hesitated, looking over at Jim. He knew they were close, but doctor / patient confidentiality was still important. Jim saw that hesitation and waved it away.

"Bones is still listed as my primary physician," Jim said.

Auphrey nodded and handed the chart to McCoy – he'd noticed that on the original paperwork Jim filled out, but had forgotten.

"So what does that mean?" he asked nervously, watching Leonard read one particular page, looking for any type of clue from his facial expression. "Elevated enzymes?"

"It means that there is some liver damage – probably being caused by what I felt during the physical exam," Auphrey replied, accepting the file back from McCoy.

"The levels aren't that high, Jim, so whatever is causing damage, it's not causing a lot of damage," he said calmly, taking Jim's hand again and trying to convey reassurance. This wasn't the best news, but it wasn't a cause for alarm. Not yet.

"So…what's causing it?" Jim asked, looking from Leonard to Auphrey, focusing on the feel of Bones' hand in his, anchoring himself to that.

Auphrey hesitated and exchanged a quick look with Leonard.

"Well, it could be a lot of things Jim. Some people develop cysts on their liver – just fluid-filled growths – that never cause any problems and don't need to be treated in any way. Sometimes those cysts grow big enough to cause the type of enzyme levels we see in your blood."

"But…you said you thought you felt something. Can you feel a soft, fluid-filled cyst?" Jim asked.

"It's really not possible for me to have any idea of what it could be, Jim, without taking a closer look. That's why we asked you to come back in," Auphrey replied, skating around the other possibilities, Leonard noticed…and appreciated. No reason to say something that panic him.

 _Or me,_ Leonard thought. He knew what the possibilities were, and he was making a concerted effort to stay completely calm. He knew that Jim was taking his cues, and he didn't want to do or say anything that would scare him more. He was already obviously frightened.

Jim swallowed. "And…how would you do that? Take a closer look?" he asked nervously, his hand clenching on Bones' tightly.

"Just a simple ultrasound – nothing invasive. I'd like to do an ultrasound today and then we can talk about what we see and if there needs to be another step. Does that sound okay?"

Jim nodded, his body sagging a little with obvious relief. "Okay," he agreed.

"Alright," Auphrey stood and Leonard and Jim followed suit. He led them to the exam room that had the ultrasound equipment, explaining that a radiologist tech would be right with them.

"Bones," Jim said when the door closed behind Auphrey. He sank weakly on a rolling stool, his complexion gray. Leonard took one look at him and realized right away that he'd completely underestimated Jim. Apparently, he knew more about the other possibilities than he'd let on.

 _Of course he does,_  Leonard thought.  _How could I be such an idiot?_

Leonard hurried over, crouching down in front of him. He grasped Jim's arms and held him tightly as he leaned close.

"What if I'm really sick?" Jim asked hoarsely. "What if it's can-"

"Jim," Leonard cut him off. "We don't know what it is. It could still be nothing. There's nothing to worry about yet."

Jim didn't respond, but let his head fall forward to rest on Leonard's shoulder. Leonard brought his arms up around him, holding him, bringing his hand up cup his head.

They stayed like that until the door opened again.

"Okay, Mr. Kirk, I'm-" the tech trailed off when she saw the way the two men were leaning into each other – one obviously comforting the other. "Everything okay?" she asked uncertainly.

They pulled away from each other and Leonard straightened up.

"Fine," Jim said shortly. "Everything's fine."

The tech, an attractive redheaded woman who looked to be about the same age as Jim, gave them an understanding smile.

"Okay. My name is Gaila…I'll be your ultrasound tech today. So if you could please remove your shirt…" she paused as she pulled down fresh paper to cover the exam table. "…and lie down, we'll get this done in no time."

Gaila was friendly, keeping up a running commentary of chatter, asking about Jim's work, how he got into teaching, who Leonard was…basically trying to keep Jim distracted as he lay down, positioning himself as she directed, with his right arm raised above his head.

"Okay," she said. "This is going to be a little cold…sorry about that," she said as she spread some gel on the target area of Jim's torso. Jim turned his head to look at Bones, watching Bones watch the screen as Gaila moved the transducer over Jim's skin. "Okay…" she murmured, to herself this time. She tapped a couple of keys, moved the transducer again. "Mr. Kirk, can you take a deep breath and hold it for me?"

Jim did as she asked and she tapped the keys on the keyboard again, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Great thanks. Now, take a couple of breaths and then blow out as much air as you can and hold that…"

Jim watched Bones' face the whole time, knowing that he wouldn't be able to make out what was on the screen anyway. Frustratingly, Bones kept his expression neutral – not even his usually expressive eyebrows giving anything away. After a moment, Jim had the thought that his persistently neutral countenance was actually pretty disconcerting.

"What do you see?" Jim asked him quietly.

Leonard's eyes flicked down to his face, but before he could say anything, Gaila was pulling away.

"We're all done," she said. "You can sit up now." She handed Jim some papertowels so he could wipe the gel from his skin. "I'm just going to give these a closer look, then Dr. Auphrey will be in to talk to you again."

"So should we stay in here?" Jim asked, pulling his shirt back on.

"No…I'll show you back to his office…someone else might need this room. He'll meet with you there as soon as I'm done."

"Is this going to take a long time?" Jim asked, and Leonard knew he was again getting to the point of just wanting to be done…just like when they were getting his shoulder looked at. But Gaila smiled reassuringly and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I know it's annoying," she said. "Everyone talking so carefully and examining you and not explaining what's going on with your own body in plain English. I know it's annoying, and frustrating…but I'm good at what I do, and no one wants to give you bad information, or tell you something that ends up being irrelevant. So hang in there, okay Jim?" She smiled at him encouragingly, and Leonard watched as Jim smiled tentatively back, and Leonard decided right then that he liked this young woman. She was one of the good ones.

Back in Auphrey's office, Jim was pacing around nervously, studying the books on the bookshelves, reading the various degrees hanging on the walls. Leonard watched him as he moved, thinking about what he'd seen on the screen, very firmly reminding himself what he'd already said to Jim – the didn't know what it was yet.

"So, Bones, what did you see?" Jim asked, as if he had a direct line to Leonard's thought processes. He hesitated, not really wanting to answer when he couldn't provide any real information.

"Jim, I'm a neurologist, not a gastroenterologist – I'm not sure what I saw," he replied, telling the truth without really saying anything.

Jim sighed. "You're a bad liar, Bones."

"Let's just wait for the doctor, okay?"

They didn't have to wait much longer. Auphrey came back into the office, and Jim sat back down, his knee bouncing agitatedly. He sat at his desk and accessed his computer, pulling up a program that allowed him to open the images from Jim's ultrasound. He turned the screen so that Leonard and Jim could see it.

"Okay, so," he said, picking up a pen. "This is your liver." He circled a mass on the right side of the screen using the capped pen as a pointer. "Can you see this area of white here? This is a solid bit of a larger cyst that's here."

"I thought cysts were just filled with fluid?" Jim asked, staring at the screen.

"Most are. Some, like this one, are partially solid."

"So…what does that mean?" Leonard asked.

"Well, it means that this is what's causing the damage to your liver cells, which is raising the enzyme levels in your blood. Additionally, while these types of partially solid cysts aren't usually cancerous, they can develop into a malignancy."

"So it needs to be removed," Leonard said, glancing over at Jim, certain that the prospect of surgery wasn't going to sit well with him. He was staring at the screen, unblinking.

"Yes, it does," Auphrey answered. "But before it's removed, we need to do another test."

"Biopsy," Leonard supplied, completely unsurprised.

"What? Why?" Jim asked, looking from Leonard to Auphrey.

"Usually, Jim," Leonard said, "these cysts aren't cancerous. But we need to check that, to be sure."

Conscious of the fact that his breath was starting to come faster as what he was being told sank in, Jim tried to focus. "But why do the test first? Why not just take it out and test it later?"

"Because we need to have a plan when we remove the cyst, Jim. We need to know if it's a simple removal, or if we need to remove part of the liver. We also need to know  _how_ to remove it, and if it's just a plain cyst, that's removed differently from one that…isn't."

Jim had focused his gaze somewhere on Auphrey's desk, and nodded his understanding. Leonard was watching Jim with concern, knowing that this outwardly calm demeanor wasn't an accurate reflection of what was going on behind those blue eyes. He knew that if Jim was feeling numb now, he would probably feel panicky soon.

"This is a fairly large cyst, so we do want to do the biopsy as soon as possible. I'd like to get it scheduled for next week. This practice has a gastroenterologist, so we can take care of the scheduling today," Auphrey continued. "It's an outpatient procedure that will be done at San Francisco General."

As Auphrey talked, Jim leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and propping his head up with his clasped hands. He didn't want to hear anything else…he felt like he was going to be sick.

 _I could have cancer,_ he thought, squeezing his eyes closed. He felt Leonard put a hand on the back of his neck and squeeze gently. After a moment, he became aware that the doctor had finally stopped speaking.

"I'll just give you a few minutes," Auphrey said, "and go get the procedure scheduled. This is the information about it, and I trust you know the protocol?"

Jim didn't know what he was talking about, and therefore assumed he was talking to Bones.

"Yes, thank you Dr. Auphrey," Bones replied.

"Sure. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to call the office."

Leonard nodded and waited until the doctor left the office, letting the door close behind him, then he leaned over and pulled Jim to him. Jim resisted for a moment, but gave in quickly, leaning into Leonard's side, his arms crossed tightly over his midsection.

"It's going to be okay, Jim," he said quietly. "Most of the time these things  _aren't_ cancerous, and once it's removed, it's gone. They don't come back, and there are no after-effects of it either. You're going to be fine."

"Unless I'm not." Jim looked up at him, fear in his eyes and voice. "Bones, how am I going to wait a  _week_ to find out if this is…something bad?" he asked, not even able to say it out loud, as if saying the word made it real.

Leonard took Jim's face in his hands, and looked into his eyes, making sure that he saw and felt his certainty. "We're not going to think about it," he said. "We're going to live our lives like nothing is any different – because nothing  _is_  different. There's no reason to think you're sick now, and more than likely you're not sick at all. So we're going to have that conference with Dehner, Finnegan, Uhura and put them all in their place, we're going to do that weekend in Napa – Aurelan has already agreed to keep Joanna, by the way. I wasn't kidding – and then, a week from now, we're going to spend a day doing a simple test. And you're going to be  _fine_. Understand me?"

Jim took a deep breath and smiled crookedly, trying to rein in his fears. Bones seemed so…sure. And he believed Bones. He believed in Bones.

"Yeah. Let's go home now Bones. Please?" Jim said. "I can't be here anymore. I want to go home."

Leonard nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Let's go."

Despite the slightly queasy, unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach, Jim did his best to put everything out of his mind for the rest of the afternoon. They drove to Aurelan's and had dinner there. By unspoken agreement, they didn't talk about what they'd learned at the doctor's. Jim was still assimilating and coming to terms with it. He just couldn't deal with explaining and answering questions just yet. And if anyone but Bones noticed that he didn't actually eat most of eggplant parmesan, but just push it around his plate, no one said anything.

It wasn't until they were alone, the noise of the day having dissolved into the quiet of night, that Jim really started thinking about what waited for him. Not the somewhat distant possibility of a serious illness, though that worry was still there, but the more immediate and fearful proposition of this upcoming test.

 _Liver biopsy,_ he thought, swallowing hard. While Bones was in the shower, Jim glanced at the informational packet Auphrey gave them to take home, the simply worded explanation of the procedure doing absolutely nothing to mitigate his rising fear of what was waiting for him, just seven days from now.

They were going to make an incision in his side, stick a needle in there – through the muscle and the connective tissue – right into his liver and suck out a little piece "about half the diameter of a spaghetti noodle". And it was an outpatient procedure, which meant he was going to be  _awake_ for it.

"Jim," Bones said, seemingly from out of nowhere. Jim had been so lost in his horror of what he was reading he hadn't even noticed that he was being spoken to until Bones squeezed his shoulder. "You're white as a sheet. What's wrong?"

Numbly, Jim held up the pages he'd been reading. Leonard took them and skimmed it, understanding dawning on him immediately.

"This...I can't. I can't do that, Bones. I can't. I-"

"Shh, hey…it's okay," Leonard sat next to him on the bed, wrapping an arm around him, surprised to feel the tension in him. "It's a ten minute procedure that only takes about six hours to recover from. You're going to be able to go to work the next day. The doctor is going to use an analgesic, and you'll be sedated-"

It was the wrong thing to say, Leonard knew immediately.

"No! No…I don't want to be sedated…to be lying there helpless while they stick needles in me…" Jim shuddered hard, his breathing getting shallow.

Leonard just held him, rocking them slightly. He wished he could tell Jim, 'sure, no problem,' but he didn't know if sedation was actually going to be a choice. He knew that patients had to be still, and any accidental reflexive movements could actually cause quite a bit of damage. And honestly, he sincerely doubted that Jim would be able to be still while they were getting the samples they needed.

"I need you to be there, Bones, or I'm going to cancel the appointment and just take my chances," Jim said suddenly, looking into his eyes, desperate for that reassurance.

Leonard hesitated. To be in the room during a physical was very different from being in a procedure or operating room while another doctor was working.

" _Please_ , Bones. Tell me you'll be there. I won't do it unless you're there," Jim pleaded, and Leonard knew there was only one answer. He'd work it out somehow.

"Of course. Of course I'll be there, Jim."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim have the meeting with the people from McKinley, and then have their getaway trip to Napa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They lyrics are from Mark Knopfler's song…the version I was thinking of is can be found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqHJWsgGx4g

 

 

Nyota looked around at the table of people in on this meeting, and barely contained a sigh. This was ridiculous. What should have been handled quickly, quietly and neatly had blown up into a meeting with an irate parent (who had every right to be irate, but she couldn't say that), one of her valued teachers (who was playing the role of irate significant other today), Nadia Patel, the art teacher who had inadvertently ended up in the middle of all of this, the K-2 Assistant Principal, and the instigator of this whole mess, Liz Dehner.

One of the main problems, Nyota knew, was that Liz was careful to not appear to be an instigator. She talked a good game of being aware of the concerns of the parents, and Nyota didn't doubt that she cared deeply for the children in this school. But there was another side to Liz Dehner. She was ambitious, and she was insecure regarding her employment here. When Nyota had interviewed with the Board for this position, she was warned that some of the older, more established members of McKinley's staff might see her as a threat. She'd been able to mitigate that somewhat, by being open and honest with her staff, making herself available, keeping her office open – and for the most part, it'd worked.

But the situation with Liz was different. She knew that Nyota had recruited Jim herself, and she knew what Jim's aspirations were, and that made her insecure in her ongoing position at McKinley. She wasn't vocal about it, and she was careful to always maintain an outwardly helpful appearance, but Nyota was aware of the tension between Jim and Elizabeth – though it was one-sided, for the most part. Jim had been surprisingly forgiving, and he'd done his best to work  _with_ her whenever they had to work together. It'd all come to a head, though, with this situation that had started off so innocently in art class during a conversation between a few first graders. Jim's involvement with Leonard McCoy provided her with a reason for her animosity that had nothing to do with her work, or Jim's perceived encroachment on her territory, and it had the added bonus of being a naturally divisive issue, that came with the potential for bad press that, of course, no one wanted.

Nyota knew that one of the biggest challenges in this situation was that there were people with differing viewpoints and differing ideas of what is acceptable and what was not. That was to be expected, but it didn't make mitigating these factors any easier. The concept of "family" was a touchy subject, and people were sensitive about protecting their beliefs, especially when it came to their children. Knowing that Elizabeth was trying to use this to her advantage was… disheartening, to say the least. To her chagrin, she hadn't realized how volatile the situation had become, and she knew she would have to deal with that later. For now, she had some damage control to do.

"Okay," Nyota said, calmly folding her hands in front of her and taking a moment to meet each person's eyes individually. "I think everyone at this table is acquainted with each other. Mr. McCoy, I believe you met Mr. Finney, the Assistant Principal, last year during Joanna's initial admission processes, and Nadia Patel, the art teacher, during Open House."

Leonard exchanged a nod with the other man and Patel, and Nyota continued, determined to keep control of this conversation.

"Mr. Finney and I have been briefed by Ms. Dehner on everything that has transpired so far, and I'd like to start by inviting Mr. McCoy…and Mr. Kirk," Nyota added after a brief pause. "…to talk about what their goals of this meeting are."

Jim briefly met Dehner's eyes, and raised his brows slightly in surprise at the outright insolence in her expression. He was sure it was because she didn't approve of his role in this particular meeting.

_Well, deal with it,_ Jim thought. He wasn't backing down on this. Jim and Leonard glanced at each other before Leonard focused on Nyota.

"The only goals I have – the only goals I'm interested in – is, first, ensuring that my daughter stays insulated from the bigotry that's been circulating around her. There should be no place for that in a school that's interested in 'a nurturing, inclusive environment'. And second, I'm not interested in  _any_ member of my family being pawns in the power play that's going on here. That is going to stop today."

Jim blinked in surprise, completely taken aback by the way Bones was obviously going to bat for him as well. Leonard's statement was met by an uncomfortable silence. Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something, but Nyota cut her off quickly.

"Okay, thank you. We'll discuss that in a moment. Jim, do you have anything you'd like to add?"

He hesitated. He did, but his concerns were so intertwined – both family- and school-oriented – that he wasn't sure how to express himself. Finney's warning about keeping personal and professional separate replayed itself in his head, and for the first time he thought he really understood the feeling of walking a tightrope. With everyone's eyes on him, he found himself doubting his role here…he wasn't Joanna's teacher, and he wasn't her parent…until he felt Leonard place his hand on his thigh under the table, and squeeze gently. That was the reminder, the connection, he needed. Of course he had a place here.

"Yes," he said. "Joanna has exceeded every benchmark we've held her to. Every single one of them – academic and otherwise. She's become a different child over the last seven months. I see it at home more and more, and I saw it in the way she was starting to relate to her friends and classmates at the end of last year. And anything that's done in the classroom to shut that down, to make her feel different or singled out, is a serious disservice to her, and it goes against everything this school is supposed to be."

"Mr. McCoy," Elizabeth said, focusing on him and completely ignoring Jim. "No one here wants to single Joanna out. Joanna is a delightful little girl, intelligent and well-behaved – but we have an obligation to all of the students here, and part of that is protecting them from being exposed to outside influences-"

Leonard felt a flush of annoyance that balanced on the edge of outright anger. He could not believe what he was hearing. "Unbelievable. Ma'am with all due respect, you need to review what you just said. Let me help you: part of the obligation to all the students here is to protect them from being exposed to outside influences. Does that apply to only the children of straight parents, or is Joanna entitled to that protection as well? Because I sure as hell want her protected from the outside of influences of bigots."

"Okay, Mr. McCoy, point taken. Of course that applies to  _all_ of our students here," Finney said, leaning forward and speaking for the first time. "Look, I know you're a sensible man. I'm sure you can understand that there are some parents who don't want to answer their child's questions about why Joanna's daddy lives with another man."

"That doesn't sound like Joanna's problem," Jim said coolly.

"Of course it isn't," Nyota said. "But you have to admit, it is a delicate balance. Just as an example, would you be okay with religion being taught in the classroom, whether or not you agree with that religion?"

"That's not comparable," Leonard replied immediately. "There's a world of difference between a teacher teaching about one religion, and a child explaining her drawing, or answering questions about why she doesn't have a mother living at home with her when she's being told she  _has_ to have a mother. How do you think that made her feel?"

"The balance," Jim added, without bothering to give any of them a chance to answer. "Is up to the other parents to maintain. It's not like Christine is teaching a lesson on gay relationships. Kids are going to be exposed to different ways of thinking all the time. It's their parents' responsibility to answer their questions in ways  _they_ feel are appropriate. There's no balance in expecting a child to understand that she shouldn't talk about her family because other people might not like it."

"I suggest you invite whoever it is who's causing the problem in to learn some techniques to help them handle their children's questions," Leonard added. He was pretty sure he knew who it was, especially considering that Tracy's sudden unavailability for playdates. "We're not going to ask Joanna to change  _anything_ she draws, or says, or writes about – and if I ever hear that someone else did, we're going to have a major issue with each other," Leonard said, his tone leaving no doubt and no room for argument. "That's the first goal. Let's move on to the second."

"Mr. McCoy, it's unacceptable to ask other parents to change the way they raise their children-"

" _No._ " Leonard said, cutting Dehner off with a tone that brooked no room for argument. "It's  _unacceptable_  to take other peoples' prejudices out on a six year old. She's  _six_ ," he repeated. "How can you allow other people to treat her differently for something she has no control over, and has nothing to do with her?"

Leonard stopped, cutting his rant off, knowing that it wouldn't help – not in this situation. He needed to remain calm.

"Look – I don't want to cause a problem, and I don't want to bring any negative attention to this school either. Joanna is happy, and I think that she could do well here. I can easily see her going all the way through the middle school program here – but not if this continues. So, really, the only thing left to discuss is what you're going to do to make the other parents understand that their personal beliefs do not belong in a first grade classroom."

"Before we do," Nadia said. "If I may…Mr. McCoy, I apologize for not intervening in the conversation the kids were having. I wasn't aware of the home situation, and I didn't realize the sensitive nature of what they were discussing. I know it's personal, but I would suggest," she continued. "That if there are other section teachers who don't know the circumstances of the living arrangements, that they should be made aware of them."

Leonard and Jim looked at each other, each asking the other if that was okay. Leonard shrugged slightly, indicating that it was Jim's call. He was the one who worked here.

"That's a good suggestion, Nadia. I'll make sure to do that myself," Jim said, and Nadia nodded. She was right, Jim knew. If she'd known about what could be a touchy subject, something as simple as enforcing a seating chart could've made a difference.

"That's great, and that'll help with the kids," Leonard said. "But I want to know what's going to be done about the adults who have a problem with us."

"Please believe me," Nyota said. "When I tell you that we are working on that. Individual meetings have already been scheduled, and we will address the issue with the parents who originally complained."

Dehner looked from Uhura to Finney, an expression of surprise on her face. She obviously hadn't expected the conversation to go in this direction.

"There's still the issue of what Joanna told her classmates," she said, trying to bring the meeting back around to why she wanted it in the first place.

"Maybe you're not hearing me, Ms. Dehner," Leonard said. "Joanna didn't say anything wrong. If other people think she did, other people are mistaken."

"I know you have a problem with me," Jim said quietly, addressing Elizabeth for the first time. "And I know you think this is a good way to get me out of here-"

"Now hold on just a minute," Finney said. "This is what I was talking about before Jim – you need to keep the personal and professional separate. That statement doesn't belong in this conversation."

"On the contrary, I think it does," Leonard said. "As a matter of fact, it's a perfect way to move on to the second of my two goals for this meeting. If you think we don't realize what's going on here, you're sadly mistaken."

"That is a different matter that I don't want to get into today," Nyota said, exchanging a glance with Finney. Elizabeth looked as if she was going to object to that, but Nyota cut her off. "Not today, Ms. Dehner," she repeated firmly. Refocusing on Leonard and Jim, she offered a small smile.

"I agree with you. What's happened so far should've been handled differently. And from now on, it will be." She paused for a moment as she glanced at Dehner who was now sitting in stony silence, her lips drawn tightly in obvious anger. "We will address the other parents' concerns individually, and nothing will change for Joanna in the classroom. You have my word on that."

Leonard and Jim looked at each other for a moment. Leonard cocked an eyebrow in question, and Jim nodded slightly in response. He wasn't surprised. Leonard knew Jim trusted Nyota, and if she was giving her word about something this important, he was going to believe her.

"Thank you Nyota," Leonard said sincerely. "We – Jim and I – just want to make sure Joanna isn't treated any differently."

"And I assure you, we feel the same way," Nyota said. "Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"If you are going to handle the other 'goal' I had for this meeting separately, then no. But if I get wind of anything else happening, any other requests to come in to discuss what Joanna can and cannot say about her family… _anything_ else like that, I'll be back with an attorney," Leonard said.

"Understood," Nyota replied.

She stood, and the others around the table followed suit. Dehner excused herself, saying she had another appointment, and walked out without waiting for any acknowledgment. There was an uncomfortable pause in the room, but then Finney reached to shake Leonard's hand, and then Jim's.

"I'm completely on board with Nyota – about everything," he added, leveling a look at Jim. They'd already dealt with some of Elizabeth's scheming at the beginning of the year and he was familiar with the subtle power struggle going on within the school. "Your family has my support, and Jim – if it comes to it, you have my support."

"Thanks, Ben," Jim said, shaking his hand, too. Ben and Nadia excused themselves, leaving just Nyota with Jim and Leonard.

"What the hell's going on?" Jim asked her, once the door had closed behind Ben. "Is Liz actually trying to get me out of here?"

Nyota offered him a small smile. "She's threatened by you, Jim. Being in the system as long as Liz has – it makes you paranoid. You're never really safe, especially in a school like this where the power to fire and hire lies with a Board of Directors – and she's been here since the beginning."

"It doesn't make it okay," Leonard said, moving protectively towards Jim, not even realizing he was doing it. Jim noticed, though, and smiled slightly, completely taken with him.

"No, of course not," Nyota said quickly. "Ben explained to me the issue from the beginning of the school year, and he had to step in earlier when a parent was demanding something that is against our school policy that Elizabeth basically agreed to…and he brought that to me as well. I won't tolerate what's been going on and I intend to handle the situation immediately."

Reassured, somewhat, Leonard and Jim said their goodbyes, and Jim walked Leonard out of the office to his car.

"So what do you think?" Leonard asked, leaning against his car.

Jim smiled slightly and shrugged. "In my experience, when Nyota says she's going to handle something, it gets handled. I don't think we're going to have any other problems."

"I hope not," Leonard replied, sighing. He checked his watch…nearly nine in the morning. "I gotta run. You've got Jo this afternoon?"

"Yup," Jim said, leaning forward for a quick kiss.

Leonard smiled, resting a hand on Jim's waist. "Three more days," he said, referring to their overnight in Napa Valley.

They were planning to leave Friday afternoon, after picking up Jo. Sarah had agreed to stay with her Friday night and all day Saturday until they got home some time Saturday night. It would a quick little getaway, but one that Leonard really wanted to do. Jim had his biopsy on that Monday, and he wanted to do what he could to keep his mind off of it, and keep him as relaxed as possible.

Jim smiled and gave him another kiss. "Can't wait," he said. He stood back as Leonard got into the car and moved away so he could back out and head to work. He waved one more time, and then headed back to the school, eager to get back to his classroom.

He'd meant it when he said that he believed Nyota's word was good, and he thought the meeting had gone as well as could be expected, though he was a bit surprised at the turn it had taken. It was good to know, though, that Nyota was on top of what had been going on between he and Elizabeth. Until today, he hadn't been sure.

And this weekend…Napa Valley, just the two of them. Sightseeing, relaxing, maybe a really indulgent meal at one of the fine restaurants…maybe not so much sightseeing as enjoying the sights and sensations in the bedroom…

He really was looking forward to it. It was almost enough to take his mind off of Monday.

Almost.

 

* * *

 

Jim stood barefoot on their room's private balcony. "Bones, this place is amazing!" Jim exclaimed. He smiled and turned slightly as he felt Bones' hands on his waist as he came up behind him. Together they looked out over the rolling hills of vineyards and mountains in the background, the light from the setting sun shining between the peaks. It was breathtaking.

After settling Joanna at home with Sarah, they'd made good time on the drive over, getting to the Napa Valley Lodge a little before six. Leonard had called when they arrived, just to check in with them, and give Sarah their room number, just in case, and instructions to not hesitate to call for anything.

When Aurelan and Kimmie came down with a stomach bug, Jim thought they were going to have to cancel their trip…and Jim hadn't been sure who was more down about that, him or Joanna. But then he'd suggested Sarah, and though Bones was hesitant at first, Jo had overheard them, and she had whole-heartedly seconded that idea. With some encouragement, Bones gave the okay to call her to see if she was even available. Luckily, she was, and their overnight trip to Napa was saved.

Leonard trusted Sarah, Jim knew, and they were only a little over an hour away, and Aurelan and Sam knew they were out of town and were available if there was a problem, but this was the first time he was leaving his little girl overnight, when he wasn't just ten minutes away. Jim was actually pretty impressed that he was able to do it at all. If he wanted to call every few hours, Jim certainly wasn't going to begrudge him that. Though, he might drive Sarah crazy.

"It is beautiful," Leonard answered. "I've never seen anything like this before."

Jim smiled and turned in his arms, pressing his body against him while winding his arms around his neck. Leonard smiled and held Jim firmly, leaning in for a kiss that Jim readily returned. They stood there, on the open balcony of their second-floor room, holding each other as a breeze ruffled their hair.

"Mmm…have I told you today that I love you?" Jim asked.

Leonard smiled again, considering the question with a playful look. "Not sure. Tell me again," he said. "Just in case."

"Love you," Jim said immediately, kissing him again. Jim laid his head on Bones' shoulder, relaxing into the feeling of just being held like that, feeling some of the tension he'd been trying to ignore seep away. "What do you want to do?" Jim asked. "Are you hungry?"

"A bit. Dinner is served here at seven…or we can check out one of the local restaurants," Leonard said.

"We should eat here…it's included, so why waste it?"

"We can do whatever you want Jim," Leonard replied. "I don't care if we eat here, go out, or order pizza in later. Whatever you want."

Jim raised his head from Leonard's shoulder and looked at him with a suggestive smile. "Whatever I want?"

Leonard cocked an eyebrow and nodded. "Anything."

Jim leaned in and kissed him again, and then started walking them back into the room. "I can think of one or two things I'd like to do," he said huskily. Leonard kissed him again, gently cradling Jim's face in his palms, and looked deeply into that intense blue that never failed to take his breath away.

"Anything," Leonard repeated. Jim paused, checking to make sure that he was hearing what Bones was saying correctly. Jim would never assume he had carte blanche to do whatever he wanted, and he always made a point of checking and asking whenever they were together. And there hasn't been a "no" or even a "not yet" in months, and even Bones' tendency to be more reserved when it came to what they did in the bedroom seemed to be disappearing. He still found it difficult to just let go, always trying to restrain his reactions, but that was changing too. He'd come so far so quickly, and Jim absolutely loved that he was the only person to get to have Bones this way.

"Yeah?" Jim said, moving his hands to the buttons on Bones' shirt, starting to undo them one at a time.

"Yeah," Leonard confirmed. 

Jim smiled and pressed up to kiss him again, finishing the buttons on Bones' shirt and easing it off his shoulders, pushing it down his arms to fall on the floor. Jim drew his hands up Bones' arms, tracing the muscles and squeezing his shoulders before passing his hands down his chest. He paused to gently squeeze his nipples, and then soothed the fleshy nubs with his thumbs, rubbing as kissed Bones again, stroking his tongue with his own.

Jim reached the waistband of his pants and quickly undid the buckle, button and zipper, anxious to get his hands on him. And when he did slip his hands into Bones' pants, pushing them down the slim hips, he gently caressed his hardening length outside of his underwear.

Bones pulled away from the kiss to gasp as Jim gently stroked him through the fabric. Jim smiled and used his other hand to cup Bones' head, guiding him back into another kiss. His eyes fell closed as he relaxed into the kiss, moaning slightly at Jim's touch. He panted when Jim finally released his mouth and tilted his head to the side as he moved to his neck, sucking lightly at the sensitive skin. Jim wrapped an arm around Bones' waist, holding him tightly as he used his lips and tongue to draw gasps and moans from him.

"Bed," Jim murmured, walking them back into the room by a couple of steps. Jim let go of Bones and turned to pull the bedspread down. Catching his breath, Leonard toed his shoes off and pushed his pants down his legs, stepping out of them and kicking them out of the way. When Jim straightened again and turned back to him, Leonard pulled up on Jim's shirt. He raised his arms, helping Leonard to pull the garment over his head. He smiled when Jim reemerged, hair mussed. Leonard dropped his hands to the button and zipper on Jim's jeans and worked them open, leaning in to kiss Jim thoroughly. His hands skated up Bones' sides and slipped his arms around him.

 

Jim felt a rush of affection and protectiveness, and he put his hands on either side of Bones' face, urging him to look back up. He smiled when their eyes met again, and Jim leaned forward, his forehead against Bones'.

"You'll tell me if that changes at all, right?"

"Right."

"Bed," Jim said again. And this time, he guided them down, their bodies relaxing onto the mattress and the soft material of the sheets. Pressing close to each other, Jim turned them so that Bones was on his back and he was supporting himself over him. Bones looked up into Jim's eyes, holding his intense gaze until Jim claimed his mouth again, and he completely let himself get lost in his touch, his taste, the feel of Jim's firm body pressing against his. He loved the feeling of security, of strength and warmth, that surrounded him as Jim held him. Leonard slid his legs open, allowing Jim's body to settle more fully against him. Jim kissed him again, and Leonard met him easily, happy to let him have the control of the kiss, and of whatever they did tonight.

Jim moved above Bones, his hips settling into a rhythm as he pressed against him and rubbed him firmly. Jim watched as Bones' eyebrows drew together and his eyes squeezed closed, the feeling causing him to arch up into Jim, looking for more contact, firmer contact. Chest to chest, Jim slid his hands up Bones' forearms, and threaded their fingers together, holding on to Bones tightly, pressing his hands into the mattress. Bones' grip tightened on Jim's hands as he continued to tease, doing his best to wring panting whines and gasps out of him, even as he breathed heavily, clenching his teeth around the noises trying to make their way out of him.

Opening his eyes, Bones forced himself to focus on Jim above him, and he raised his head to capture Jim's lips in another kiss.

"You're still wearing too many clothes," Bones said. Jim smiled and kissed him again. Moving back and sitting up on his knees, Jim left Bones to lie panting and sweaty, his hips twitching with the urge to give himself some relief. Jim quickly wriggled out of his jeans, letting them drop to the floor.

"Better?" he asked, looking down at Bones, taking in the beautiful lines and planes of his firm body.

"Much," Leonard replied. He watched as Jim's hands went to the waistband of his underwear, fingers sliding under the edge of them for a moment, giving him warning without asking to remove it. Leonard appreciated that, but it wasn't necessary – he'd meant it when he said anything. He wanted to give Jim whatever he wanted, and he trusted and loved Jim enough to know, really  _know_ that he could do that. And he was, finally, completely comfortable with it. He still dealt with sometimes feeling…less than confident…about himself, his body, and having Jim be so focused on him, but he was getting over it, and it wasn't as difficult to ignore any more. And that, he knew, was thanks to Jim.

Jim pulled on his underwear, and Leonard pressed his hips up, giving his tacit approval and allowing Jim to remove them. Drawing them down his legs, they joined the other items of discarded clothing. He sucked in a breath as Jim wrapped his hand around him, giving him just a couple firm strokes that had him thrusting into his grip before letting go and cupping his legs under his knees, urging them up. Leonard allowed Jim to position him, pressing his thighs to his chest, and he smiled wickedly as he lowered himself, hands firmly on the pale undersides of Leonard's thighs, helping to hold his legs in place.

"Jim," Leonard said, his voice rough with arousal. "I haven't washed." That wasn't strictly true...they'd each taken a quick shower before leaving for Napa Valley this afternoon…but he hadn't washed specifically for what Jim obviously wanted to do now since then, and though Leonard had said anything, and did mean it, there was still the issue of proper…preparation.

"You're fine," Jim said, rubbing his thumbs against Leonard's legs. "Will you let me?"

He couldn't help it…Leonard made a face that made Jim laugh.

"Okay, fine." He leaned up to press another kiss to Bones' slightly swollen lips. "Stay right here," Jim said. Leonard put his legs down and nodded, watching as Jim got off the bed and went into the bathroom. He heard water running for a few seconds, and then Jim came back into the bedroom, a wet washcloth in his hands. Sliding back onto the bed, he knelt in front of Leonard again, ignoring his attempt to take the washcloth from him. "No – I'll do it," Jim said. "Okay?"

Leonard flushed darkly, closing his eyes in embarrassment. This…this was almost too much. But after a moment, he nodded, keeping his eyes closed.

"You sure?" Jim asked, his gaze travelling over Bones' face. Bones opened his eyes and met Jim's, his blush slowly fading.

Leonard knew he shouldn't feel this embarrassed…he wiped plenty of people down when he was a lowly intern, doing whatever the residents told him to do…and did his best to put it aside. Jim wasn't squeamish about it, obviously. And considering what they were about to do, this was practically nothing. But still.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Want you to, Jim," he said, raising his legs again in clear invitation. Jim smiled slightly and didn't waste any time, gently using the warm cloth to wipe him down. It seemed like such a small thing, but this intimacy – this relatively simple act compared to other things they'd done together – the fact that Bones was allowing it was just…amazing.

Jim finished quickly, letting the washcloth fall to the floor as well. Bones lowered his legs again, feet planting on the bed, and Jim knelt between his upraised knees, leaning over him to catch his lips in a kiss that left them both panting. Jim glanced down and saw that Bones was still hard, his penis flushed and resting heavily against his belly. Jim reached down and cupped Bones' balls, gently rolling them in his palm. Bones dropped his head back, biting his lip as Jim kissed down Bones' body…his neck, his chest, his belly. Bones jerked slightly when Jim pressed his lips to the underside of his cock – groaned when he slowly dragged his tongue up and down the length, gently squeezing his balls.

"Jim…oh…" Bones panted. His shifted his hips slightly. "So good."

Jim looked up at him, smoothing his palms along Bones' legs, up his torso where Bones caught one of his hands in his, giving him a squeeze.

"When do I get to do this to you?" Bones asked, raising his head and smiling slightly. Jim shrugged, quirking an eyebrow up.

"When I'm done with  _you_ ," Jim said. "Now let me concentrate."

Bones snorted in amusement at the affected serious expression and tone.  _God I love him._

Jim moved down lower, grasping Leonard's ankles and urging him to raise his legs again. Leonard complied, and Jim shifted his hands to the backs of his thighs, helping him to hold his legs in place.

Leonard's stomach fluttered in anticipation, his cock twitching, as Jim leaned closer to him. The few times they'd done this particular act never failed to make him come undone, and pretty quickly at that. And at the first soft, teasing touch of Jim's tongue against him, Leonard knew that this time wasn't going to be any different. Leonard clenched reflexively and Jim waited for him to relax before leaning in again. He ran his tongue around the sensitive skin, making the muscle twitch. He was relentless, sliding his hands down to cup Bones' buttocks, holding them apart when the urge to tense got to be too much. Jim licked over him, up his perineum, and back down, focusing on his asshole.

" _Uh…_ " Leonard panted, biting his lip and shivering at the delicious sensations that were coursing through him. He shuddered in Jim's hands, writhing as much as he could and flinging an arm out to grasp the edge of the bed, his fingers clenching in the sheet and pulling it out from under the mattress. "Oh, god…Jim… _fuck_ …" Leonard turned his head from side to side, breathing hard as his muscles tensed and shook. He longed for firm friction on his leaking and achingly hard cock, and reached one hand to give himself some relief. Catching the motion out of the corner of his eye, Jim caught his wrist and pushed his hand to the mattress.

Jim paused and raised his head, giving Bones a moment to catch his breath. "Oh, no, Bones…no touching yourself."

"Jim –  _please_ …I can't take it anymore," he breathed, jerking as Jim lowered his head and continued what he was doing. Bones groaned and pulled on his legs harder, adjusting his sweat-slicked grip, needing to  _move_ and doing his best to resist the urge. His gasping breaths and panted whines sounded incredibly loud to him, but he didn't have any available brain cells to spare for self-consciousness…not with Jim driving him crazy like this. "Oh, god…Jim…Jim please!"

Jim pulled away and looked up at him, saw the white knuckled grip he had on the sheets and the edge of the mattress. Beautiful, perfect, and his. His to see like this. His to drive to ecstatic completion. His to love.

Tenderly, Jim urged him to relax his grip and threaded their fingers together. Settling above him, chest to chest, Jim kissed him deeply, thrusting his tongue in his mouth, parting to allow Bones to gasp for breath before taking his mouth again.

Looking over to the right, Jim stretched to snag the bottle of lube they'd left out on the bedside table. He thumbed the cap open and squirted some into his hand, letting it thoroughly coat his fingers. Looking into his eyes, Jim let his fingers slip between Leonard's cheeks, gently rubbing over that sensitized skin, easing a finger inside. He watched as Bones let his eyes fall shut.

"Jim," he murmured, gasping as he reached that spot inside of him. He opened his eyes and wound his arms around Jim's neck, his hands sinking into his hair. After a couple of moments, Jim gently added another finger into Bones, carefully stretching him, hardly meeting any resistance at all. Before long, Bones gasped, his hand tightening on the back of Jim's neck as he eased himself in, going slow and careful until he was completely sheathed in Bones' body.

Moving together, panting endearments and pleas, Leonard clutched Jim to him, wrapping his legs around Jim's thighs. He pulled Jim's body to him with every thrust, urging him deeper, even as his own body arched again and again with each peak of pleasure. Leonard cried out, his exhausted, trembling muscles contracting as his heart raced. Feeling Bones contract around him was enough to push Jim over the edge too. He groaned and grasped Bones' shoulders tightly, dropping his head down to rest on Bones' chest as strong arms came up around him.

They lay there, their hearts slowing, the sweat drying on their bodies. Bones stroked down Jim's strong back soothingly, feeling the rushed heat of his breath hitting his shoulder as his breathing evened out. Eyes closed, sated and comfortable, Leonard felt it as Jim dozed off. Holding him carefully, Leonard rolled slightly, urging Jim beside him instead of laying directly on top of him. Jim sighed and roused enough to help Leonard shift him. Curled around each other, using a leg to draw them closer to each other, Leonard drew his fingers through Jim's hair until he drifted off too.

 

* * *

 

The waitress set two plates down in front of Leonard and Jim, then placed a couple of condiments on their table too.

"Can I get ya anything else?" she asked.

Jim flashed her a grateful smile. "No, I think we're good. Thanks."

"Enjoy," she said, moving away quickly to stop by another table who was trying to get her attention.

"I'm starved – this looks delicious," Jim said. He added a few things to the burger before putting the top bun on, then carefully picked it up to take a huge bite. Leonard rolled his eyes at him and took a slightly more restrained bite. Jim was right – it was delicious.

Enjoying their food in silence for a few minutes, Leonard looked around at the patrons of the restaurant (that was actually more of a bar than a restaurant), and movement on the stage caught his attention. He watched as they set up for…probably karaoke, he thought. Under the table, he felt Jim nudge his foot with his own, and he looked back at him.

Jim smiled at him, his eyes crinkling. "We were lucky this place was close. Enjoying your dinner?"

Leonard nodded, swallowing. "Yeah, it's really good. I never eat this late, though…I'll probably end up with indigestion."

Jim's smile turned suggestive. "Well, we'll just have to keep you up. I'm sure I can think of something," he said, winking at Bones as he flushed.

"You're insatiable."

"Oh, you love it."

Well. That was true.

After their earlier activities, they'd both fallen asleep for a couple of hours. Jim woke first, and prodded Leonard into waking as well. As they showered, they made plans for the rest of the evening. It was already nearly ten, and they were both starving. Having missed the dinner that the bed and breakfast provided, and not really feeling like dressing up for one of the fancier restaurants – if they were even still seating this late – they'd used Jim's phone to find this place, the Norman Rose Tavern. One of the reviews had said "great burgers" – so that's what they'd gone with…and it turned out to be good decisions all around.

As they ate, the karaoke host's amplified voice caught their attention. They listened as he explained the process, and a couple of people got up to get one of the song catalogue books.

"You singing tonight?" Leonard asked, a fond smile on his face.

Jim shook his head. "Your turn," he replied, the dare clearly implied.

Leonard smirked. Obviously, Jim didn't think he'd do it. Shrugging, Leonard pushed his chair back and Jim watched, surprised, as he picked up a catalogue and request form.

"Are you really going to sing, Bones?" Jim asked curiously when he returned to the table.

"Maybe…if I can find what I'm looking for."

"What are you looking for?"

"None of your business." He glanced up, pulling the catalogue closer to him. "Eat your dinner."

Jim grinned and took another bite of his burger, watching as Bones flipped to a particular section, then skim a couple of pages. He watched as Bones seemed to actually choose a song, write it in on the request form, and then bring it up to the host.

"Really?" Jim asked when Bones came back to the table. "You're going to sing?"

Bones shrugged, and took a sip of his beer. "We'll see."

"Oh, you have to now…no chickening out!" Jim paused, looking at Bones speculatively. " _Can_ you sing?"

Bones shrugged again, not giving anything away, and Jim resigned himself to simply waiting.

In the meantime, they finished their late dinners, listened to some surprisingly good singers, and some truly awful ones. They clapped for all of them. At one point, Jim sent a text to Sarah, just to check in. Sarah responded back with a picture of Joanna sleeping soundly in her bed, her favorite dog tucked securely under her chin.

_Everything's good,_  Sarah texted.  _Joanna fed, bathed, asleep. Doors locked. Alarm set. You two have fun!_

Jim showed Bones the message and the picture, watching the way his gaze softened as he looked at his baby girl. Jim loved that look on him.

"McCoy! Your turn! Come on up!" the host announced.

"You're up Bones!" Jim said. "Are you going to go through with it?"

Finishing his beer, Leonard stood, and with a smirk at Jim's truly surprised look, he headed up to the stage.

"And there he is! Put your hands together for McCoy…singing  _Darling Pretty_. Take it away!"

Jim turned his chair so that he was facing the stage, folding his arms over his chest. Bones was standing on the stage area, looking a little nervous actually, as he clutched the microphone. The first strains of the song played over the speakers…something that sounded a bit Irish until it settled into more familiar country strains…and Jim realized he didn't know this song at all. Bones waited for a few bars until the intro was done, and then he raised the mic to his mouth, singing without needing to look at the screen, his eyes on Jim.

_It's time to come away, my Darlin' Pretty_   
_It's time to come away on the changing tide_   
_Time to come away, Darlin' Pretty_   
_And I need you Darlin' by my side_   
_Heal me with a smile, Darlin' Pretty_   
_Heal me with a smile and a heart of gold_   
_Carry me awhile, my Darlin' Pretty_   
_Heal my aching heart and soul_

Jim's mouth fell open in surprise – Bones' voice had a rich, smooth tone, enhanced by his Georgian twang – and he was  _good_.

_How did I not know this?_ Jim thought. He watched and listened, a bemused, silly grin on his face. Bones held his gaze, smiling a little at Jim's expression. Jim felt himself flushing as Bones sang to him, and he shifted slightly in his seat. They were in a crowded bar filled with the background noise of people talking and laughing, but right now, in this moment, it was just the two of them.

_Cast away the chains, Darlin' Pretty_   
_Cast away the chains away behind_   
_Take away my pain, my Darlin' Pretty_   
_And the chains that once were yours and mine_

_There will come a day, Darlin' Pretty_   
_There will come a day when hearts can fly_   
_Love will find a way, my Darlin' Pretty_   
_Find a heaven for you and I_   
_Love will find a way, my Darlin' Pretty_   
_Find a heaven for you and I_

Bones finished the song to a round of applause from the audience, but still had eyes only for Jim. Jim watched as Bones handed the microphone back and headed towards their table. Jim blinked quickly, the emotion the lyrics evoked, and what he heard in Bones' voice as he sang…the sincerity, the love…making him embarrassingly choked up.

Sitting back down at the table, lips turned up in a small smile, Leonard looked a little flushed himself as he kept his gaze averted. He reached for Jim's drink, and took a swallow before glancing up at him.

"So? What'd you think, Darlin'?" he asked.

Jim smiled and leaned forward, bringing his head close to Leonard's and taking his hand. "I  _loved_ it," he said, the full meaning of what he was saying conveyed in his eyes. He lowered his voice and brushed a knuckle over Bones' cheek. "And I'd like to get going now."

After settling their check they headed out and drove back to the bed and breakfast…and though they didn't see much more of what Napa Valley had to offer before heading home late the next afternoon, they still thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard helps Jim through the biopsy.

 

 

Leonard glanced at the clock again and shifted impatiently. They were supposed to check in to the outpatient surgical center by 6:30 am, and it was already a little after six.

"Jim," he said quietly, "We have to get going."

"Okay…one second Bones. I just need to make sure the sub got my plans," Jim said, deliberately not looking at him as he signed into the school's email system. Leonard sighed. He knew a stall tactic when he saw one – whether it came from a six year old or a twenty six year old, it looked exactly the same.

"Seriously, Jim," Leonard said. "Five minutes."

Exiting the kitchen, he headed to the family room, and gave Aurelan, who was curled up on the couch watching the news, a smile.

"How're you feeling?" he asked, sitting down beside her.

"Oh, I'm fine. It was just a twenty-four hour bug," she said.

"Well, thank you for helping with Jo. I'm not sure how we could swing this without you."

"No problem. Sam's off today, so this is really no trouble at all. Jo knows I'm here this morning, right?"

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, we talked about it last night. She's excited to spend the night with you guys. But if you're not feeling well later, give me a call – I can pick her up tonight."

Aurelan shook her head. "Nah, don't worry about it. Janie's excited to have a sleepover on a school night. How's Jim doing?"

Leonard shrugged slightly. "About as well as could be expected, I guess. It's just a minor procedure, but it's always a little nerve wracking," he replied, completely downplaying how Jim was feeling about what was going to happen today. Aurelan nodded in understanding.

Jim hadn't wanted to tell his brother and sister-in-law about the procedure he had to have, uncomfortable and embarrassed about the whole thing. But Leonard had gently insisted, wanting to be there for him, but still needing to consider how to make it work with Joanna. Sarah had class, and they just didn't have many options for help in situations like this.

Seeing the necessity, Jim had agreed – but only with the condition that Leonard not mention how much it bothered him.

"I don't want them to know, Bones," he'd said. "I don't want  _Sam_ to know that I'm…that I -"

"Okay, Jim. That's fine. It's your business. We don't have to tell them anything," Leonard had soothed, knowing that Jim was embarrassed by his fear. And, having been there, he understood. All too well.

Aurelan nodded in understanding. "You'll call once he's done?" she asked.

Leonard nodded. "Of course. Okay…we have to get going."

They both stood and headed into the kitchen. Jim was just closing the laptop.

"All set?" Bones asked.

Keeping his eyes down, Jim gave a half-hearted shrug. "Suppose so," he said. Aurelan stepped up to him and gave him a quick hug.

"I'll be thinking of you," she said. Jim hugged her back, and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks," he said, giving her a smile. "And thanks for helping with Jo so I can have my personal, private physician with me," he said, trying to inject some levity into his voice.

Leonard rolled his eyes and huffed. Aurelan smiled, and looked between them.

"We should all be so lucky," she said. "Okay…you guys have to get going. See you later."

Leonard and Jim settled into Leonard's car. Jim let his head rest against the seat and closed his eyes. He was exhausted – they both were. Jim hadn't really been able to sleep, waking when he did drowse off, arms and legs jerking against remembered restraints from his experience as a child. Over the course of the night, Leonard had listened as Jim tried to reason his way out of the test, and then he gently, but insistently, reminded him that this was not going to be the same as what he experienced as a child, that his health was important to not only him, but to Leonard and Jo, that Leonard needed him, and needed him to be healthy.

Glancing over at him, seeing the tense lines of his face, Leonard took his hand and gave it a squeeze. Jim didn't look up, but he did squeeze back. His palm was sweaty, and Leonard surreptitiously slipped his fingers down to his wrist, pressing on Jim's pulse point. It was faster than it should be, but that wasn't really a surprise.

"So am I freaking out?" Jim asked, opening his eyes and looking over Bones.

Leonard shrugged slightly. "You tell me. How're you doing?"

Jim took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I'm freaking out," he admitted. He swallowed, feeling thirsty and slightly nauseous simultaneously. It was very unpleasant. As per the instructions, he hadn't had anything to eat or drink since after nine o'clock last night, and he was pretty dry. "You cleared it with the doctor that you're going to be there, right?" Jim asked, voice wavering slightly.

Leonard hesitated. He'd tried. He'd called the office several times, left messages with a couple of different people, but he hadn't gotten a call back. On one hand, he wasn't really surprised. In his experience, doctors rarely returned calls that weren't actually of a medical nature, preferring to have patients come in for face-to-face consults. On the other hand, Leonard wasn't just another family member. He was a doctor too, had made that clear, and he'd expected a certain amount of professional consideration. Time had run out, though, and he was just going to have to deal with it today.

"I'm going to be there, Jim. You don't have to worry about that," he said firmly. He glanced over at him again. "You're going to be fine."

"Yeah," Jim said wearily. "I keep telling myself that."

They lapsed into silence then and completed the drive to San Francisco General in just a few minutes, the early hour and light traffic making the commute an easy one. When they arrived, Leonard parked in the lot reserved for doctors, and they headed towards the Outpatient Surgical building.

They sat in the waiting room with a clipboard of forms – insurance forms, releases, disclosures, and the like – that Jim worked through, filling out the requested information and signing everywhere appropriate. Leonard looked around as Jim worked…there were only a few other people waiting in the room as well.

"What religion am I? Why do they want to know that?" Jim asked, then grimaced. "Never mind. I can imagine."

"It's just a standard question, Jim. Most people don't even bother with this sheet," Leonard said.

"Whatever," Jim murmured, turning his attention back to what he was doing. "Okay, I'm done. I'll be right back." Jim brought the clipboard up to the receptionist's desk, and spoke to her for a couple of moments.

Returning to settle back into his seat, he leaned against Leonard, and he wrapped his arm around Jim's shoulders. "Becky said it shouldn't be too long," Jim said, referring to the young woman at the desk. "Apparently I'm actually only scheduled for eight, but there's some pre-stuff that they need to do first," Jim said. "What…what kind of stuff, Bones?" Jim asked.

"Well, they'll have you change into a hospital gown," Leonard said, keeping his voice pitched low. "They'll probably insert an IV line…" he paused and rubbed Jim's shoulder when he felt his body tense against him. "So they can deliver the meds they'll be using during the procedure. They'll put you on some monitoring equipment – heart rate, blood pressure…"

"Great, so everyone will be able to see what I'm feeling," Jim said bitterly. "Fuck, Bones. I  _hate_  this. I hate being so…out of control of what's happening and just being so… _exposed_."

"I know," Leonard said. "I know you do. But this'll be quick and we'll be home in a few hours."

"And you'll be with me the whole time," Jim said, needing the reassurance.

"And I'll be with you the whole time," Leonard replied, turning to press a kiss to his temple.

They sat quietly for a few moments before Jim spoke again.

"How long is it going to be before we know?" Jim asked.

"Before we know the result of the biopsy?" Leonard clarified.

"Yeah."

"It generally takes about seven to ten days, depending on how busy the lab is. Sometimes less than that, if there's a reason to put a rush on it."

"Is there a reason to put a rush on mine?" Jim asked.

Leonard shook his head. "Not really…this is just a precaution. There's nothing else that indicates what you have going on is a serious issue," he said, trying to give Jim some reassurance that he wasn't sick.

Jim nodded, and they lapsed back into silence. A few minutes later, a black man in green scrubs pushed through the double doors and looked around the waiting room.

"Jim Kirk?" he said, reading Jim's name off the clipboard he was holding.

Grabbing the duffel bag they'd brought with them, Leonard and Jim stood and headed over to him. He looked between the two men, a slightly puzzled look on his face.

"Mr. Kirk?"

"Yeah, that's me," Jim said.

The man switched his attention to Leonard. "Sir, only patients are permitted beyond this point," he said apologetically.

Expecting this, Leonard held up his hospital ID badge, identifying him as a doctor with privileges.

"Are you a relative?" he asked Leonard. Relatives were only allowed to visit with patients during visiting hours, and were not exempt from the "patients only" section of the outpatient surgical suites.

"Nope," he said, and left it at that, not bothering to offer any additional information.

"Okay," he said after another moment, and he held the door open for them. "My name is Marc. I'll be your nurse today, for during the pre-op time and during recovery. Let's get you settled in."

He led them to a curtained off area with a hospital bed. Jim stopped and looked at the bed uneasily. Marc didn't seem to notice his discomfiture as he pulled out a hospital gown.

"So, Mr. Kirk-"

"Call me Jim," he said. Marc smiled and nodded, and for the first time seemed to really look at Jim, and something in his expression changed. Leonard wasn't surprised. Medical personnel saw patients who were uneasy, frightened, or just downright panicked all the time. And though Jim was doing his best, it was obvious he was scared.

"Okay, Jim. So, I'll leave you to put this on…please go ahead and take off everything."

"Everything?" Jim echoed. "Why?"

"It's procedure, so that the doctor can set up a sterile surgical area," Marc replied.

Jim swallowed and glanced away, not bothering to argue.

"So after you've put this on, I'll put in an IV and then we'll move into the procedure room."

"Right away? I thought I wasn't scheduled till eight."

"Well, probably not right away. There's no reason to rush you in there…I don't think Dr. Sommers is even here yet."

Jim wasn't sure if that made him feel better or not, but he nodded, willing his heart to slow down. He felt a little out of breath and he was starting to feel sick to his stomach again. And he did  _not_ want to throw up now.

"Do you have any questions about anything?" Marc asked. Jim shook his head no. "Okay…I'll be back in a few minutes. You can put all of your clothes in here," he said, handing Jim a personal effects bag. "And Jim…this is an easy, quick procedure you're having done today. There's nothing to worry about."

"Thanks," Jim said, taking the bag, but looking away. Marc nodded and exchanged a glance with Leonard, obviously understanding a bit better about why he was there, and then excused himself, drawing the curtain closed to give Jim some privacy to change.

Jim hesitated a second, then pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it on the bed. Leonard folded it and put it in the duffel that had a book, Jim's Ipod, some papers Leonard needed to grade and some assessments Jim needed to review, as well as a few other odds and ends. He didn't think they'd actually use any of the things they'd brought to pass the time, but it had made Jim feel better to pack a bag, and there was no reason to not bring it with them.

"I'm not going around naked in this thing, Bones," Jim said. "That's ridiculous. I'm keeping my underwear on, and can you hand me my pajama bottoms?"

"Jim…" Leonard started.

"I'll take them off later," Jim said impatiently. "Not the underwear – the pajama pants. But I'm not going to sit here and freeze my ass off."

Deciding it wasn't worth arguing over, Leonard pulled out the pants Jim asked for and folded his jeans, adding them to the duffel bag, too. When he was done, Jim eyed the bed warily.

"Wanna sit down?" Leonard asked, gesturing to the only chair in the curtained area.

"What about you?"

"I'm gonna throw on some scrubs on and I'll snag another chair. Be right back," he said, pulling the curtain aside and moving out of Jim's view.

It was stupid, he knew, but Jim's heart jumped a little when Bones left. He knew he was going to be right back…but Bones was his security in this situation. He was trying so hard to keep his feelings under wraps, to not let on just how scared he was, and he wasn't sure at how successful he was.

_Probably not very,_ Jim thought. This is the first time he'd been in the hospital as a patient since the car incident when he was a child. The only other times he'd been in the hospital was to sit with his dying step-father and then his dying mother. So yeah, definitely not happy to be here.

He lowered himself shakily into the chair, squeezing his eyes closed and hunching forward a little as his stomach cramped uncomfortably. There was nothing in there to get sick over, it was just his nerves getting the best of him. He swallowed, trying to work some moisture into his mouth, wishing he could have something to drink.

He looked up gratefully when Bones came back, dressed in blue scrubs and carrying his folded clothes, one of the little plastic and metal chairs he'd seen against the wall when they came in to this area in his other hand.

"You okay?" Leonard asked, shoving his clothing into the duffel.

"Not really," Jim answered honestly. "I may throw up on you."

Bones set the chair down right next to him, and sat, again wrapping an arm around him. Jim leaned into him gratefully, shuddering a little.

"And I'm cold," he added, folding his arms over his chest.

Bones nodded. It was always a little chilly in hospitals – this one was no different. "You could get under the blanket on the bed," Bones suggested. Jim just shook his head. "Ok, let me just..."

Bones stood and took the top blanket off the bed and draped it around Jim's shoulders.

"Thanks Bones, that's better," Jim replied. Leonard sat back down and Jim closed his eyes, resting his head against Bones' shoulder, trying to relax. After a moment, Bones felt Jim take a handful of his scrub shirt, holding the material tightly in his fist. Tremors shook his body in waves, and Leonard had no doubt that it wasn't just the cold that was causing that.

"Shh," he said, pressing his lips to the top of Jim's head and holding him tightly. "You're okay."

Jim didn't answer, but he didn't have to. He wasn't feeling okay, and Leonard knew it.

They sat like that for a while, just waiting. After what felt like an hour but was probably not longer than a quarter of an hour or so, Marc pulled the curtain back. Jim opened his eyes, but made no move to get up, or let go of Leonard's top.

"Okay, Jim…" he trailed off, taking in the way Jim was dressed. Jim just stared back. After a moment, Marc simply shook his head. "We'll deal with that later. If you can sit up here, I'll put your IV in, and then we'll get you settled in the procedure room."

Reluctantly, Jim stood and eased himself onto the bed. Bones followed, standing to face him. Jim looked pale, the stress he was feeling visible to Leonard. He smiled a little, reaching out and taking Jim's right hand as Marc prepared Jim's left for the IV. Jim glanced over as Marc wrapped a length of rubber around Jim's arm.

"I used to sing in my school's chorus," Leonard said, wanting to distract him. Jim looked back over at him and smiled a little in surprise.

"Yeah?"

"Yup. Won an award for a solo in competition once, too," Leonard said.

"Just a little pinch," Marc murmured. Jim winced slightly, but kept his attention on Bones.

"How come you've never told me that?"

Leonard shrugged. "You never asked."

"I played the flute in the band for a couple of years," Jim said.

"Really?"

Jim chuckled. "Nah."

Leonard laughed and rolled his eyes at him.

"Okay, all done," Marc said, taping the closed off tubing of the IV to Jim's hand so it wouldn't get caught on anything. Jim couldn't resist a glance at the nurse's handiwork, surprised that he'd hardly felt anything. "We're going to go on back to the surgical room now, Jim…you can leave your things here and here are some slippers to wear…and you need to lose the pants."

Jim sighed and did as he was told, leaving his underwear on and ignoring Marc's pointed look.

"Marc," Leonard said as Jim was putting his pajama pants back into the duffle bag. "I intend to be in the procedure room during, so if you could let me know when Dr. Sommers arrives, that would be great."

"Uh…okay," he said. Dr. Sommers was not the type of person to make allowances like that. At all. But McCoy had his badge, and Marc had looked him up in the system earlier, just to confirm that he was an active doctor at the hospital, and he'd checked out. So if McCoy wanted to go head-to-head with Sommers, that was fine with him. Plus, it was obvious that Jim Kirk was not going to easily get through this without the benefit of a more personal support system, and if it was helpful to the patient, Marc had no problem with it.

He led them through the pre-op area into the surgical suite. Jim balked at the sight of the table, surrounded by equipment and another nurse, and Leonard nearly walked into him. He placed a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder and squeezed, conveying his silent support. Jim turned, facing Leonard, but keeping his eyes down.

"Bones," he said, his breath quick and shallow. "I can't...I can't do this. I changed my mind. Let's just go home, _please_."

Leonard pressed his lips together and put both of his hands on Jim's shoulders when he tried to push past him. This was the effect of the phobia…panic, unclear thinking…and his level of distress was the difference between normal feelings of fright about something like this, and a phobic response to the situation.

"Everything okay?" Marc asked when he realized they were still in the doorway.

"Can you give us a moment?" Leonard asked, looking over Jim's shoulder.

Marc nodded, and he quietly spoke to the other nurse, undoubtedly filling her in on the situation. Leonard refocused his attention on Jim, who, he noticed, was trembling.

"Jim," Leonard said, and waited until he looked up at him. Leonard's heart clenched at the fear in Jim's eyes. It physically hurt him to see Jim so upset. He grasped Jim's arms. "You're going to be fine. I'll be with you, and it'll be quick." He drew Jim closer to him, giving him a tight hug that he fiercely returned, pressing his face to Bones' shoulder as his hands clenched in the fabric of Bones' scrub shirt at his back.

"I can't, Bones. Please..." Jim murmured against him. 

Leonard held him tightly, his heart aching for him, wishing there was something more he could do to help. "You can, Jim. I'll be right there, and it'll be over before you know it." He looked up, catching the eyes of the nurse and Marc who were watching them sympathetically. "I know you're scared, but I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

After a moment, Jim nodded. Leonard knew Jim trusted him. He just hoped it would be enough to help him through this.

"Okay. C'mon," Leonard said, after a moment. "Let's go and get this over with, yeah?"

After another second, Jim pulled away, keeping his eyes averted. 

_God, I hate this,_ he thought, embarrassed, so scared, and wishing he were anywhere but here.

Feeling like he was holding on to his control by just the barest of threads, he allowed Leonard to lead him into the room. He swallowed hard, gripping Leonard's hand tightly, as they got to the table that somehow looked completely bland and menacing at the same time. The nurse, who introduced herself as Julie, instructed Jim to lay down on his back.

His movements feeling jerky, Jim did as he was told. He swallowed a couple of times in quick succession, his breathing quick and shallow as his fear twisted through him. Leonard covered Jim with a drape from the waist down, hoping it would make him feel a little more secure and a little less exposed. Julie had Jim slip his right arm out of the hospital gown sleeve, and tucked it out of the way, then attached the leads that would monitor his heart rate, and clipped a pulse oximeter onto one of his fingers, and she took a baseline blood pressure reading, noting it down on the chart. The monitoring equipment was necessary because of the sedation medication they were going to be using during the procedure, something that Jim had reluctantly accepted but still had serious misgivings about.

Leonard glanced at the monitoring screens…everything was elevated. His respiration, his blood pressure, his heart rate all showed how he was feeling, as clearly as the fact that he was clutching Leonard's hand, and was still shivering.

"Okay, Mr. Kirk…I need your left hand please. I'm going to start the sedation medication, and you'll start to feel a little calmer in just a few minutes," Julie said.

"Dr. McCoy?" Marc said from the doorway. "Dr. Sommers is here."

"Thanks, Marc," Leonard said. He looked down at Jim, needing to go talk to the doctor, but reluctant to leave him. Jim looked from Leonard the doorway and back again, his eyes wide.

"I don't want to be sedated without you here, Bones…please…" Jim said, pulling his arm away from Julie before she had the chance to hook him up to the IV bag hanging above him.

"Okay…it's okay, Jim," he said. "Julie will wait…right?"

Coming to where Jim could see her, Julie nodded and smiled. "Right. No problem. I'll just sit right here until Dr. McCoy comes back," she said, sitting on the rolling stool Leonard had just vacated.

Leonard gave her a grateful smile. He really, really appreciated how accommodating everyone was being, doing what they could to make the experience as stress-free for Jim as possible. Yes, he was a doctor here, but Marc and Julie didn't know him, and they were under no obligation to bend the rules for him as they had been doing. He was definitely going to have to do something for them in return, and he made a note to himself to find out who their supervisors were.

"I'll be right back, okay?" he said to Jim softly. He stroked Jim's hair with one hand as Jim clutched th other. "I'm just going into the hall, and nothing's going to happen to you before I get back."

"Okay," Jim whispered. "Hurry though."

"I will, Darlin'. Two minutes, I promise."

Reluctantly, Jim let go of him and Leonard hurried out of the room, knowing that Jim's eyes were on him the whole time.

"Dr. Sommers?" Leonard said, coming up to a desk where a middle-aged man was reviewing a film.

"Yes?" he asked, looking up over his glasses.

Leonard offered him his hand to shake. "My name is Dr. Leonard McCoy – I'd left a couple of messages for you at your office over the last week."

"Oh, yes…Dr. McCoy. Dr. Auphrey mentioned something about you and the patient. Sorry I didn't get back to you," he said, not really sounding sorry at all.

"No problem. I understand how busy it gets during the week. If you can give me just a moment, I wanted to fill you in about the liver biopsy patient this morning, and I have a rather unusual request, too."

"Yeah, Auphrey filled me in," Sommers said, looking back down at the chart he was reviewing. "Jim Kirk and his aversion to medical procedures. No worries, he'll be sedated, and I'm fast."

Leonard furrowed his brow, not liking the dismissive tone in the doctor's voice, though he could understand it. When a doctor does so many routine procedures, the patients stop being individuals. On the other side of it, though, as someone who loved the patient, he really understood the off-putting nature of such an attitude.

"It's a little more complicated than that, Doctor," Leonard said, ignoring the way the doctor was obviously trying to hint that he should be on his way. "Jim isn't just less than comfortable with medical procedures. He has a serious phobia that kept him out of doctor's offices for more than ten years. The physical he had that discovered the cyst was the first one he'd experienced as an adult."

"Okay, so he's afraid of doctors. So is half the population. Like I said, he'll be sedated. He probably won't even remember most of it, and I'll be in and out in ten minutes. I don't really understand what the problem is here."

Getting increasingly frustrated, Leonard forced himself to keep his tone civil. "The  _problem_ is that he won't go through with it…won't be able to go through with it…if I'm not in there with him. Sedated or not, he's going to be scared, and panicked. And the sedation may actually make it worse for him, depending on how he reacts to it. So, I wanted to clear my being in the room with him while you work. I tried to talk to you about it ahead of time, but I promised him I'd be in there."

"That's highly unusual. And why do you care so much? This seems way outside the job description of a neurologist," Sommers said, finally looking up and tapping his pen on Leonard's badge pointedly.

"Jim is…important to me," Leonard said simply. Sommers looked at him for a moment before understanding dawned, followed by something that he wasn't able to cover quickly enough before Leonard saw it…disdain, and possibly something uglier.

"Look," Leonard said. "I don't care what you think of me, and I'm not here to look over your shoulder. I'm a damn neurologist – I have no interest in critiquing your technique. I just want to get Jim through this. And I don't care if you've done ten of these per day for the last ten years. This is Jim's first, and he's scared to death. So have some damn compassion, would you?"

"Dr. McCoy, I understand the situation. I don't allow…loved ones…in the room when I'm performing a procedure," Sommers said. "You can wait for him in the recovery area."

Leonard bristled, anger rising in his chest at Sommers' attitude. He opened his mouth to argue with him, not willing to let Jim down, when Marc's voice called for him from the doors to where Jim was waiting.

"Dr. McCoy? Could you come in here please?" he said, his voice conveying calm urgency.

Leaving Sommers at the desk without a backward glance, he hurried to the room, and saw that Jim was sitting up, ignoring Julie's attempts at getting him to lay back down. It looked like he was in the process of disconnecting himself from the equipment.

"Jim," Julie said, as Leonard came into the room. "See? He's right here…it's okay."

Jim stopped what he was doing, his whole body sagging in relief. "Oh, thank god. Where the hell did you go?" he asked accusingly, even as he reached out to him.

"I'm sorry, Jim. I was talking to Dr. Sommers," he said. He looked up as Sommers entered the room, meeting his eyes defiantly. "And I was just explaining that I would be here with you, or we were leaving."

Sommers stared at him angrily for a moment, before Julie, bless her heart, piped up.

"I don't mind if he's here, Dr. Sommers," she said.

"Me neither! Hi Dr. McCoy," another voice added, coming from behind the ultrasound machine. Surprised, Leonard turned to look, the voice familiar.

"Gaila, right?" Leonard said. The red-head nodded. "Good to see you again." And he meant it. She'd impressed him at the doctor's office.

"I was just explaining to Jim that this was going to be an ultra-sound guided biopsy, and so here I am. Let Dr. McCoy stay, Dr. Sommers," Gaila said. "It's not a big deal."

"Fine. I want to get started in ten minutes, so…" he trailed off, and turned to leave, without even bothering to introduce himself to Jim or spare any time talking to him. Leonard fumed. He was pissed, but there was nothing for it now. After this was done, he and Sommers were going to have words. That was no way to treat a patient. There was no excuse for that at all.

"He seems pleasant," Jim murmured. Leonard focused on him gave him a smile as he urged him to lie back down with a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, don't mind him," Gaila said as she made some adjustments on her machine. "He can be a total ass, but he's excellent at what he does."

Julie made a sound that started as a laugh but ended up more a strangled cough to cover it, and Gaila grinned.

"Julie knows. Don't you?" she asked.

"That statement isn't wrong," Julie agreed, a slight smile on her face. "Okay, Mr. Kirk. If I could have your hand please. Do you have any questions?" she asked as she connected his line to the IV bag.

Jim shook his head. He didn't even want to know what they were doing…he just wanted it done.

Lying on the table, Jim kept his gaze firmly on Bones' and tried not to think about what was happening to him. Julie connected his IV to the bag hanging from the pole, and then positioned his right arm so that it was over his head. Bones took his right hand and held it firmly, and kept his other hand on Jim's arm, squeezing him comfortingly. He focused on those two points of contact, and Bones' eyes.

He jumped when he felt the nurse swipe something cold and wet over the right side of his upper torso, and she apologized.

"This is just to clean the area," she said. "How're you feeling, Mr. Kirk? Any calmer?"

"Not really," Jim murmured. He watched as Bones turned to look at the monitors that displayed his vital signs. He was still trembling, and though not quite as high as before the sedation medication was started, his heart rate and everything else were still elevated.

"Okay, we'll give the medicine some time to work before we get started." She sat down to monitor his sedation level and his vitals.

Leonard murmured to Jim, talking to him about their recent trip, leaning close to his head and watching as the fear left his eyes and his eyelids started to get heavy. His verbal responses were getting clumsy and he looked like he was fighting falling asleep.

"You can sleep if you want to Darlin'," Leonard said, keeping his voice pitched low. "I'll be right here, and you're fine."

Just when it looked like Jim was going to fall asleep, the sound of the doors opening roused him, and he tried to raise his head to see what was going on, his hand again clenching on Leonard's.

"'S okay, Jim," Leonard said. "It's just the doctor."

Knowing that did nothing to calm Jim, though, and his heart rate actually spiked a little, though it didn't get nearly as high as it was before. The sedation was doing its job.

"How're we doing here, Mr. Kirk? Feeling nice and relaxed?" Dr. Sommers asked.

"I guess," Jim murmured. He watched anxiously as another nurse brought a covered tray to him and set on a side table within his easy reach. Sommers looked at the monitors, and then inquired about the medication levels. Julie answered, and Sommers ordered a change to deliver a slightly higher dose. Julie made the adjustment, and Sommers moved to pick up the syringe that contained the lidocaine that would be used to numb the area before he made the small cut in Jim's skin where the biopsy needle would be inserted. Jim watched with wide eyes as he pulled the cap off of it.

"Jim," Leonard said. "Look at me, Darlin'." He smiled when Jim's gaze met his again, obviously not focusing very clearly any more. Unsurprising, considering the level of sedation they were using. Not that Leonard disagreed. The adrenaline flooding his system was counteracting the medication, and though the dose was higher than what would probably be used for most people, it was still well within the limits for someone of Jim's weight. At this point, anything to make this easier on him was fine with Leonard.

"Bones," he said, his shaking voice hoarse as his eyes flicked back to track the doctor's movements. Leonard felt and saw his body tense as the doctor gently touched the area, feeling for his entry point. "I'm scared."

"It's okay, Jim. You're fine. Just take some deep breaths."

"He's too tense," Leonard heard the doctor murmur. He ordered the medication be adjusted again. Everyone waited for Jim to calm...he needed to be still for this...and Leonard held his eyes, Jim's grip on his hand loosening as he stopped trembling.

"You look so tired…why don't you close your eyes," Leonard whispered. "Just close your eyes and relax. I got ya, Darlin'. I got ya. You rest." Too wrapped up in keeping Jim calm to be self-conscious, he hummed a few bars of the song he'd sung to him just two days ago. A small smile graced Jim's face as his heavy eyelids blinked sluggishly over unfocused blue eyes…until they finally closed.

 

* * *

 

There was dry, cool air rushing over his nose and mouth, and he could feel something covering his face. It was uncomfortable and Jim turned his head, trying to get away from it. "Mmm…"

"Hey," a voice said. It sounded so far away. Jim struggled to raise his arm, turning his head again, and felt like he couldn't. A disconnected feeling of confusion and budding panic came over him, and his stomach muscles tensed as he tried to sit up. But then there was a hand on his chest…pressing him down.

"No, stop," Jim mumbled.

"Jim. Jim…you're fine. Come on, open your eyes."

He was trying. He wanted to see who was talking to him. And his side…his side ached. And he couldn't move. There was a hard tap to his cheek, and he tried to force his eyes open, the panic starting to cloud his mind. He gasped weakly, vaguely aware that his hands were moving restlessly until he felt someone take hold of his hand and squeeze. He tried to focus on that.

"Jim," the voice said louder.  _Bones' voice,_ Jim thought…the first coherent thought that made any sense to what he was experiencing now that he'd had.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked, not sure if the question came out intelligible or not, and he finally managed to get his eyes open a little, the brightness of the room making him squint. He felt something be removed from his face, and the rushing air was gone, and then it was easier to hear.

"Jim, it's Bones. C'mon…wake up. You're fine – they're all done."

Leonard watched as Jim struggled towards consciousness, switching between his face and the monitoring equipment. He was having a hard time coming out of sedation, and Leonard was trying to stay calm about it. This wasn't an allergic reaction exactly…but it was a demonstrated sensitivity to the medication they'd used. His respiration was never compromised, but shortly after he'd finally succumbed to the soporific effect of the sedation, his blood pressure had dropped. Not dangerously low, but enough to cause a warning alarm to sound. Julie had immediately dialed back the sedative, and Jim stabilized right away.

Sommers had been quick, taking a biopsy of the solid part of the cyst and Jim's liver, guided by the images Gaila provided on the ultrasound. They were done just about twelve minutes later, the small incision needing only a bandage as it would easily heal on its own in a few days. They'd expertly transferred him to a gurney, and Leonard and Marc had been monitoring him closely for about an hour in the recovery area. And he was finally coming around, to Leonard's overwhelming relief.

Jim took a deep breath and weakly squeezed the strong hand holding his own. He felt like shit. His head was pounding, and there was a dull pain in his side, and his mouth felt cottony. He'd not experienced many hangovers in his life, but how he was feeling now was very reminiscent of that.

"Thirsty," Jim managed to whisper.

"Okay…I have ice chips for you. Open your mouth."

Jim did as directed and he felt Leonard place one on his tongue. It melted almost immediately, and he gave him another one. Leonard kept this up until Jim was finally completely awake and able to focus on him…then he held a cup with a straw up for him to sip from.

Gathering his wits about himself, Jim reached to take the cup himself, and Leonard made sure he would be able to grip it before letting it go.

"Thanks," Jim said after a couple of careful sips.

Leonard smiled at him, obviously relieved. "Welcome back," he said.

"What happened?" Jim asked, feeling the fog in his head recede so that he could think clearly.

"Nothing…you're fine," Leonard said, downplaying the concern he'd felt earlier. Jim didn't need to hear it. "Sommers took the biopsy, you have a band-aid over the spot."

"My side is sore – like…inside…not the cut, and I feel like shit," Jim said, raising a hand to his head and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Leonard nodded, unsurprised. "The soreness should be gone in a couple of hours," he said. "If it's bad, they can give you something…" Jim shook his head. He didn't want any other medication. "And the way you feel is an aftereffect of the sedation. As it clears from your system you'll feel better. Drinking water should help."

"Can I have something to eat?" Jim asked.

"I suppose so. Are you hungry?" Leonard asked, not expecting he would be.

"A little," Jim said.

"Okay, we'll see if Marc can bring you something in a few minutes."

"When can we go?" Jim asked.

Leonard rolled his eyes. Jim had just woken up, and he was already to hightail it out of there.

"In a while," Leonard said. "You need to just lay still for a couple of hours…maybe take a nap. You must be tired." He certainly was, and being under the effects of sedation was not the same thing as natural sleep.

"I can't sleep here," Jim said, looking around nervously. He shuddered. "I'm cold."

Leonard stood and pulled the blanket up on Jim, who was reclining, but not lying flat, on the bed. It only came up to his waist. Leonard looked around and snagged another blanket, partly unfolding it and draping it over Jim's upper body.

"Thanks," he said. He looked up at Leonard from under his lashes. "For  _everything_. I could never have gotten through this without you."

Leonard looked at Jim fondly, reaching to cup his face, rubbing a thumb over his cheek. He leaned close to him and just brushed his lips across Jim's tenderly.

"I would do anything for you."

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the recovery room, Leonard and Sommers talk, and Jim deals until they can get home. Nyota comes to a difficult decision and Spock is there for her.

Despite Jim's insistence that he wouldn't be able to sleep while in the recovery area, he did manage to doze off. It was never a deep sleep, though, and Leonard knew it wasn't the restful kind of sleep he really needed, but it was better than nothing. Awake, Jim was nervous and jumpy, and not the easiest patient, vacillating between terse and uncommunicative. Leonard didn't let it bother him, though, because no matter what Jim was saying or complaining about, he never stopped clutching his hand, and when someone came over to his bedside for anything, Leonard didn't miss the way Jim would press himself back against the pillows slightly, watching everything warily. When Leonard shifted and tried to gently disengage himself from Jim's grip while he was asleep (he had to go to the bathroom…he'd been sitting with Jim for hours), he jerked awake quickly, needing to know that Bones was still there.

"I just need to run to the bathroom. I'll be right back," Leonard said soothingly. Jim nodded and reluctantly let go, holding the blanket draped over him instead. "Do you want anything? Maybe some ginger ale and crackers or Jello?"

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Jim asked uncertainly. The breakfast of some toast with jelly and a small bowl of oatmeal had not gone over well, to everyone's surprise. An embarrassing mess, and a new hospital gown later, Jim was back to an empty stomach and just a few sips of water.

"Well, that was a while ago – probably too soon after you woke up actually – and I know that if you can keep something down you'll be cleared to go sooner," Leonard replied.

Truthfully, the fact that Jim had thrown up what he'd tried to eat earlier wasn't all that concerning, even though that wasn't a common occurrence for people who'd only had sedation and not anesthesia. Leonard knew he'd been struggling with a nervous stomach all morning. On the other hand, Jim hadn't reacted all that well to the sedative that had been used, and throwing up like that made Dr. Sommers a little more cautious.

"Okay," Jim agreed. "Ginger ale and crackers sounds good."

"Okay. I'll be right back." Leonard gave him a quick, gentle kiss before pulling away and hurrying towards the double doors that led to the rest of this section of the hospital.

Jim watched Leonard go through the parted privacy curtain, his eyes tracking him automatically as he tightening his grip on the blanket. He swallowed and took a breath, looking at the monitoring equipment he was still hooked up to in annoyance when it beeped, indicating an increase in his heart rate. It was like he was conditioned…when Bones was there, he was calm. Or, well,  _calmer_ anyway. When he left, he…wasn't.

He watched as Marc headed over to him, having been alerted that there was a change in his patient's heart rate.

"How you doing, Jim?" Marc asked, a friendly smile on his face.

"I'm fine," Jim replied. "Feeling very ready to go."

"Yeah, I bet. Soon, I'm sure. It's just part of the deal, after having a biopsy like the one you had today, to have to stay for a few hours. We gotta make sure you're not going to have any problems with the biopsy site. Mind if I check your bandage?" he asked, pulling on a pair of gloves.

"What kind of problems?" Jim asked instead, without relinquishing his grip on the blanket.

Marc hesitated before answering, not wanting to stress his already-stressed patient out further.

"Sometimes there can be a little extra bleeding from the site that we'd just need to monitor, so we keep you here until we're sure that's not going to happen. Where'd McCoy get to?" he asked, noting the way Jim was twisting the blanket in his hands.

"Bathroom…and getting me crackers and ginger ale," Jim replied.

"Okay, that's a good idea," Marc said. "That was my momma's remedy for an upset stomach too. Mind if I check your bandage?" he asked again.

"Oh…okay," Jim said, reluctantly letting go of the blanket. Marc gently pushed the hospital gown open, noticing, but not reacting to, the way Jim tensed at being touched, and peered at the bandage covering the small incision. He could see that there had been some bleeding, but not enough to be any cause of concern. It'd probably happened when he'd been straining to throw up. Marc gently ran his fingers around the edge of the bandage, pressing carefully.

"Any pain?" he asked.

Jim shook his head. "Not really. It kinda ached at first, but that's going away."

"Good. Everything looks just fine."

"Bones!" Jim exclaimed, his eyes brightening as he caught sight of the doctor heading back over to him.

"Found what I was looking for," he said, holding up the can of soda and a few packages of Saltines...the kind that the cafeteria stocked to go along with soup. The nurses had been very accommodating about sharing what was in their breakroom. "Everything okay?"

"Yes sir," Marc said, pulling off his gloves. "I think the next time Dr. Sommers comes around to check in, we'll probably get the okay to get you guys on your way. Course, it'd be great if I could tell him you managed to keep some food down."

"I'll make it happen," Jim said, taking a packet of crackers and tearing it open.

"Cool, man, cool. Just take it slow. I'm here if you need anything," Marc said.

Leonard nodded. "Thanks."

Turning his attention back to Jim, who was carefully nibbling the edge of one of the crackers, he opened the can of ginger ale and poured it into a cup, taking a second to stir the bubbles out before putting it on the tray table for him.

"Thanks, Bones," Jim said gratefully, taking a small sip.

Leonard sat back in the chair, quietly observing him. His color was better, he didn't look as stressed, and he seemed to be in better spirits.

"You look like you're feeling better," Leonard said.

Jim smiled wanly. "I am, but I'm frickin' exhausted, Bones. I feel like I could sleep for a week."

"That's normal. Between not sleeping last night, and being so worked up today…" he trailed off as Jim flushed, his fair complexion doing nothing to hide the blush that colored his face and neck. "It's okay," he said quietly, reaching to squeeze Jim's knee. "It's a phobia, Jim. It's not something you can just turn off. But…maybe…it's something we could work on."

Jim kept his eyes on his lap, absently brushing crumbs off himself. "How? Make myself go to different doctors and sign up for procedures and tests until I get used to it?"

Leonard smirked and shook his head. "Hell no. That would make anyone hate doctors and hospitals, even if they didn't already. But…maybe this is something Chris could help with. Have you talked to him about it at all?"

"No I haven't," Jim admitted, looking up at Bones finally. "I was too…"

"Embarrassed?" Leonard supplied.

"Yeah."

"I understand that, Jim," he said, squeezing his knee again.

"I know. I know you do. And…you're right. Maybe I will talk to him about it. Maybe…you could come with me…at first."

Leonard smiled. "Definitely."

"But even if I manage to get over it eventually, it won't be in time for the…the surgery," Jim said, having to swallow and take a breath just to get the word out. Just the thought of it got his heart racing again. The biopsy was bad enough…but at least Bones had been there with him. Jim wasn't under any illusions that that would be the case for the surgery. Even if Bones somehow managed to pull that off, the  _idea_  of the surgery itself was so daunting. And it wasn't going to be an outpatient procedure either…Jim knew he'd have to spend at least one night in the hospital. And  _that_ made it even worse.

Bones dragged his chair closer to the bed and rested his forearms on the edge of the mattress, taking Jim's hand again. "I will do whatever I can to make that experience as easy on you as possible, Jim," he said seriously.

"I am so lucky to have you. I just…I don't know how I could have done this without you," Jim said. Then he shrugged and shook his head. "I couldn't."

Leonard smiled, the sincerity in Jim's voice and his eyes touching him deeply. He'd felt that same way about Jim for so long, and he knew Jim felt it too…but to see it, and be able to help Jim the way he'd helped him…it just made him feel even more protective of him.

They sat and talked quietly for a while as Jim ate his crackers and sipped the ginger ale. To the relief of both of them, everything seemed to be staying where it was supposed to. As the time passed, the recovery area got a little busier. More patients were wheeled in and more nurses were around, checking on their charges. Marc was busier, too, but he was no less attentive.

After a little while, Jim squirmed slightly. "I have to go to the bathroom, Bones," he said. "Can you disconnect me?" He still had leads on his chest, the oximeter on his finger, and the IV hadn't been removed yet either, a bag of saline slowly being used to help hydrate him after his fast from eating and drinking for several hours before the surgery.

"Uh…we should really get Marc for that," Leonard said, looking around for the nurse.

"Okay, well…find him fast, Bones," Jim said.

"I could get you a bed urinal," Leonard offered.

"What? No!" Jim exclaimed, horrified at the prospect. "Just…please…find Marc. Or do it yourself."

"Okay…hold on." Leonard found Marc with another patient, and he stayed standing off to the side, out of the way, until Marc saw him and nodded.

"Find him?" Jim asked when he returned.

"Yeah, he'll be right over."

A few minutes later, Marc joined them and made quick work of disconnecting Jim. He closed off the IV, but left it in place, saying they'd remove it later, for expediency's sake. Jim wasn't complaining.

Jim sat on the edge of the bed putting the slippers Bones handed him on his feet. He eased himself off the side, grateful for Bones' steadying hands on him until he got his legs under him properly. This was the first time he was standing since he first lay down on the table for the biopsy – hours ago now. Marc stayed off to the side, watching but letting Leonard help him. Satisfied that Leonard had Jim, he left them to deal with another patient who was calling to him.

"You good?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah," Jim said, tugging at the gown and trying to make sure it was tied around him properly. "I wish these things covered more."

"Well, hold on then," Leonard said. He picked up the duffel bag that he'd stashed underneath the chair and fished out Jim's pajama pants. He stood in front of Jim to provide him with some cover as he quickly pulled the pants on.

"Thank you. That's much better," Jim said. "I'll be right back."

"You need me to come with?"

Jim smiled and shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

Leonard watched as Jim headed to the restrooms that were on the other side of the room, moving steadily and easily. When Jim closed the bathroom door behind him, Leonard turned to fuss over the bed, wiping away crumbs, straightening the sheets and shaking out the pillows.

"Dr. McCoy," a voice said behind him. "Has the patient made a break for it?"

Leonard cringed in annoyance, then took a breath and pasted a friendly expression on his face, turning to greet the other man. "Dr. Sommers," he said, keeping his voice neutral. "Jim's just using the restroom."

Sommers looked up from Jim's chart, meeting Leonard's eyes briefly.

"Any more vomiting?" he asked.

"Nope…he had crackers and some ginger ale, and probably a cup and a half of water...everything's stayed down."

"Good, good," Sommers said, looking back at Jim's chart. "No sign of bleeding or any excessive pain. His bp has been high. That a usual problem for him?"

"Only here. White Coat Hypertension," Leonard replied, referring to the colloquial term for blood pressure spikes that are experienced by patients whose stress levels are markedly higher around doctors and in medical situations.

"Right. His 'special circumstances.'" Sommers said. He looked up from the chart, folding his arms over his chest. "Unfortunately, for a lot of patients, a little fear is a normal part of a procedure or test. That's why we have nurses and sedation. None of the other adult patients get to have a significant other with them while being worked on. I don't understand what you think gave you the right to steamroll over the nurses and put the patient in a prejudiced situation by handing his  _doctor_ an ultimatum in the operating room," he said, his voice low, but obviously angry.

Leonard thought that was damn rich, coming from him. He never even bothered to speak to Jim, when he _knew_  that this wasn't going to be an easy thing for him. And it was obvious he had no concept of the difference between a phobia and the normal, expected feelings of trepidation and nervousness experienced by anyone with a lick of common sense before submitting to procedures and tests. Leonard clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared as he firmly clamped down on his first impulse to tell Sommers  _exactly_ what he thought of that, his disregard for his patient's whole well-being, and him personally.

But, Jim was still under his care, and might continue to be for a while. And Leonard knew very well that he wouldn't be any happier if someone invited himself in to his surgery.  _However_ , he'd tried to talk to him beforehand, he'd tried to explain the situation, and he damn well had not "steamrolled" over anyone. Using every bit of restraint he had, Leonard decided to take the higher ground, for now. In a manner of speaking.

"I do apologize for not making sure to talk to you before today. I should've taken the time to go to your office when you didn't return my calls," he said, very deliberately. "But Jim's situation is different from the normal nerves we usually see. It's a phobia, an irrational fear, an actual psychological condition, and it needs to be handled differently. The nurses, Marc and Julie, and your radiologist tech, Gaila, have all been terrific. They're understanding and empathetic, and allowed me to do some things that helped to keep him calm. And even with that, you saw how affected he was by everything." He paused, looking at the doctor pointedly. "The nurses also took the time to introduce themselves and just spend a few minutes talking to Jim, letting him know what to expect. I appreciated that, and I know Jim did too."

Sommers' eyebrows had raised on his forehead, and it was obvious he was gearing himself up for a response to that not-entirely-subtle commentary. Leonard wondered how far he would go with other patients around. Jim, though, had good timing.

"Hey Doc," Jim said, coming back over to the bed. He looked between the doctor and Leonard, picking up on the tension. "Everything okay?"

Sommers looked away from Leonard to focus on Jim and looked at him appraisingly.

"Mr. Kirk. You're looking better than you did earlier," he said.

Jim nodded and shrugged slightly. "I feel better," he said. "I haven't thrown up again, or anything like that. So…can we go?"

"Just a moment, Mr. Kirk. Please take a seat up on the bed. I just want to check you over one more time."

Jim did as he asked, swallowing the annoyance he felt the best he could. He knew that to get out of here he needed Sommers' blessing, so he sat through yet another check of the bandage, his vitals, his pupillary reflexes, and a couple of other things.

"Any dizziness?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Nausea?"

"Not anymore."

"Pain? Anywhere? Side, headache, anything like that?"

"No," Jim said, obviously pulling back on a sigh. "I'm fine," he said again.

Sommers picked up on his tone and looked up at him, a reproachful expression on his face.

"It's necessary for me to make sure you're not having any lingering side effects from the sedation, Mr. Kirk. I appreciate your cooperation."

Jim hesitated, a slightly confused expression crossing his features. "Why would there be lingering side effects?" he asked.

Sommers looked over at Leonard. "You didn't tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Jim asked. "Bones?"

"It was really not a big deal, Jim. I didn't want you to worry."

"Worry about  _what_?"

"Your blood pressure dropped – not dangerously low, but low enough that it was a cause for some minor concern until it stabilized – because of the sedative medication that was used during the procedure, and it was a little more difficult for you to come out of it than it should have been," Sommers explained. "But that sedative is short-acting. It cleared your system quickly enough, it seems, as you were coming around and talking about an hour after we were done. I didn't expect there to be any ongoing issues now, but we just wanted to be sure."

"Oh," Jim said. "That…actually sounds like kind of a big deal."

Leonard reached for him, grasping his arm and getting him to look into his eyes. "Jim, if it were a serious cause for concern, you wouldn't be getting ready to go home now. You have a sensitivity to that particular type of sedative. It's not an allergy, you were never in any real danger, and you're fine…ready to go home. Right, Dr. Sommers?"

"Right," he said, peering at Jim. He'd lost the color from his face. "As long as nothing changes…and you stay stable."

That seemed to snap Jim out of it, and he sat up a little bit straighter. "I'm fine," he said. "Just surprised."

Sommers looked at him carefully for a couple more seconds. "Okay," he said finally. "The nurse will be over to remove your IV and talk about the care of the incision. We should have the results of your biopsy in about a week, and at that time we'll discuss scheduling the surgery…so answer your phone please."

And with that, Sommers turned to go, and Jim rolled his eyes, annoyed at the parting shot about his reluctance to get back in touch with the office after the results of his blood test came in. Jim sat there, his hands loosely clasped in his lap. Leonard joined him, sitting on the bed, touching shoulder to hip.

"Jim, you're  _fine_ ," Leonard said again.

"I know I am Bones…but, what about the real surgery? What if…what if something happens and I don't wake up from that?" Jim said, his voice low.

"Sedation and anesthesia are two different things," Leonard said. "You'll be fine."

"But how do you  _know_?" Jim pressed, worry heavy in his voice.

"Okay, Mr. Kirk!" Marc said, interrupting them. "I got the okay from the doc, so let's get you out of here. I'll just remove your IV."

  
Jim grimaced, but held out his arm. He turned his head, clenching his jaw and squeezing his eyes closed, and Leonard took his other hand, rubbing a thumb over the back of Jim's hand as he gripped him tightly.

 

* * *

 

Once they were finally home, the only thing Jim wanted to do was sleep. He headed to the bedroom, Leonard following, but making a few detours. He stopped to get a cup of ice water to leave on the bedside table and lowered the temperature in the house by a couple of degrees. Joining Jim in the bedroom, he turned down the blankets while Jim went to the bathroom and undressed, deciding he'd be the most comfortable in a t-shirt and boxers.

"I wish I could shower," Jim said. "I feel like I can still smell that place on me."

Smiling slightly, Leonard came around the bed to wrap Jim in his arms, pressing his nose to Jim's neck and inhaling deeply, humming slightly when he felt Jim's arms come up around him.

"You smell good to me," Leonard said. He pulled back and pressed a kiss to his slightly chapped lips. "Today the incision has to stay dry. Tomorrow you can shower," he reminded him. He smirked. "I'll shower with you."

"Yeah? Is that my reward for being a good boy? I'll take that as positive reinforcement," Jim said, smiling and leaning in to kiss Leonard again.

"Mmm. In the meantime, let's get you in bed. You still look tired."

"I am tired," Jim admitted. "I feel like I could sleep for a week." He moved to the bed, sliding between the cool sheets and sighing as he relaxed, feeling his whole body lose the tension that'd been his constant companion for so long. Settling on his left side, he forced his eyes open, watching as Leonard closed the blinds, making the room comfortably dark despite the afternoon sun. "Hey," Jim said suddenly. "What time is it? Have you called Aurelan and talked to Jo?"

"Yup," Leonard said. "I called them on the drive home." He looked over at Jim fondly. "You were snoring against the window at the time."

Jim smiled slightly. "Will you lie down with me?" he asked, yawning.

"Planning on it, Darlin'," Leonard replied. He stripped quickly, also wearing a t-shirt and boxers. "You need anything?"

"Just you."

Leonard smiled and joined Jim in bed, wrapping his arm around him carefully, mindful of the bandage on his side, and hooked an ankle around Jim's leg, pulling him close. Sharing a pillow, they lay inches from each other, and Jim sighed contentedly. Eyes closing, he reached an arm over Leonard's shoulder, holding him with his hand pressed to his back. Leonard stayed awake for a few minutes, listening and feeling Jim's breathing change as he relaxed into sleep, succumbing to the exhaustion of the day and the night before it.

Slowly, Leonard felt himself also slipping into sleep too, and as he did, he whispered, "I love you."

Jim stirred slightly and Leonard heard him murmur, "Love you more."

 

* * *

 

"So he'd already sent two days' worth of lesson plans?" Leonard asked.

Nyota clicked through the school's account of shared documents on the network, opening the Jim's folder and scanning file names. "Yes. It won't be a problem to cover another day. Dianne will be there anyway, and Jean always has an extra sub come in, so there won't be any problems with that. Is he feeling okay?"

"He's doing just fine," he replied. "He's been sound asleep since about four this afternoon. And he could probably go in tomorrow, but I just thought another day of rest would be good."

"Sure," Nyota said. "Jim never takes any time off…if there was ever a good reason to, this is it. I won't even require a doctor's note."

"You mean I wrote this for nothing?" Leonard joked.

Nyota chuckled. "Anyway, if he decides he does want to come in, of course he can. We'll just reassign the sub…there's always plenty to do."

"Thanks, Nyota. I appreciate it."

"Of course, Leonard. Take care."

"You too."

Nyota hung up and handed the phone to Spock, who replaced it on the base for her.

"Is Mr. Kirk recovering well?" he asked.

Nyota smiled at him, resting her head back on the cushion. "Leonard says he's doing fine. I have a feeling that when Jim finds out he called him out for another day, he's going to be less than thrilled."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "There is no reason to rush recovery from an invasive test," he said sensibly. "And as working with young children can be very taxing when one is at optimal health, it would stand to reason that one should be certain of a complete recovery before attempting to return to work."

"Well, that makes perfect sense to you and me, but Jim is a bit more…impulsive than that."

Spock looked at her for a moment, then held an arm out in a clear invitation. Nyota smiled, appreciating the gesture. They were a couple of months into…whatever this was…Spock could still be pretty reserved and, well, polite with her. And Nyota was pretty okay with that. It was nice to be around someone who seemed to actually care about  _her_ , and not just about what was going to happen next. She shifted to set the laptop on the floor and out of the way, and then turned her body so that she could lean into Spock's side. She closed her eyes and sighed slightly as Spock curled his arm around her shoulders and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"You have been…not quite yourself…these last few days. Would you like to talk about it?" he asked, trailing his fingers up and down her arm comfortingly.

Nyota sighed and shifted slightly so that she could look into his dark chocolate eyes. His eyes were almost as dark as hers, and with his complexion they were particularly striking.

"I think I'm going to have to recommend the termination of an employee who's been with the school for years," Nyota said.

It was the first time she'd said it aloud. She'd been struggling with the possibility since Monday – it wasn't a decision she was thrilled with having to make, but she felt like Liz had created the problem herself, and Nyota just didn't know if there was a way to make everything work when it was clear that she wasn't interested in working on fixing the rifts she'd caused.

Spock nodded slightly. "That must be a very difficult decision to have to make," he said sympathetically.

"It really is," Nyota agreed. "I wanted to try to make everything work again, but…I don't know. It's like this person just doesn't even realize the severity of the situation she caused. Or, worse, she realizes it, and doesn't care."

After speaking with Liz privately on Monday, Nyota thought that might actually be the real situation. And that was unacceptable. She could understand someone letting personal beliefs momentarily cloud someone's judgment…they were human. Mistakes were made. But to be purposefully deceptive…that was a whole other issue. One that she wasn't happy to have to deal with. And Liz remained unapologetic, secure in her belief that the damage she'd caused, and been willing to cause, was worth it. That the end justified the means. And most hurtful for everyone, that the "end" was what was right…that Jim shouldn't have a place at McKinley; that the school should curb its culture of acceptance and inclusion to pacify a few narrow-minded individuals.

Nyota just didn't think someone like that could work effectively in a cooperative environment like McKinley.

Spock listened as Nyota explained the situation to him, feeling the relief of being able to share the burden of her position with someone who could be impartial, with someone she didn't have to be guarded around. So many of the people who made up her social life worked with her, she had to be careful all the time about what she shared.

That wasn't the case with Spock. It was…nice. And it was helpful to be able to talk it out. As she spoke and Spock asked questions, Nyota became more and more certain that while it wasn't the thing she  _wanted_ to do, it was what she  _had_ to do.

After a while, they fell silent. Nyota had shifted at some point, so that she was resting her head on Spock's chest, and she was lulled by the steady beat of his heart.

"It is nearly ten o'clock," Spock said after a little while.

"Already?" Nyota asked, lifting her arm to check her watch. "Wow. Time flies."

"Indeed," Spock said, his voice light. "Morning comes early for you. I should go."

"You could stay, if you wanted to, Spock," Nyota said.

Spock held her gaze, but looked tentative. "I would not want to overstay my welcome," he said, after a moment.

Nyota smiled and stretched her body to reach him, curling a hand around the back of his neck. He bent slightly to meet her, a hand coming up to cup the back of her head. Their lips met in a simple, gentle, passionate kiss. They parted, and Spock kissed her forehead before guiding her head to rest on him again, just beneath his chin.

Nyota closed her eyes, and reached a hand up to run through his short-cut hair.

"You could never overstay your welcome with me, Spock," she said.

 

* * *

 

Leonard looked up from the television as Jim made his way into the family room. He was blinking owlishly, his hair completely mussed, and his t-shirt slightly rucked up while his boxers rode low on his hips, exposing his firm stomach.

"Hey," Leonard said, tipping his head back on the couch. "How're you doing?"

"Okay," Jim said, joining Leonard on the couch. He turned so that he was leaning against Leonard, and he took the hint, wrapping an arm around his chest. "Thirsty. Kinda hungry. What time is it?"

Leonard nodded, unsurprised. Jim had been sleeping for about eleven hours, and he hadn't had anything to eat, aside from a few Saltines, since dinner the day before. "About three in the morning. I woke up earlier, and then couldn't fall asleep again. You were still completely out and I didn't want to disturb you. I was just wondering if you were going to wake up at all, or sleep straight through the night."

Jim sighed and rubbed his eyes, trying to get them to acclimate to the light in the room and from the television.

"Tomorrow is going to suck. I hate when my sleeping schedule gets messed up like this," Jim said.

"Well, I may have taken care of that earlier tonight," Leonard said.

Jim turned to look at him, craning his neck at what looked like an uncomfortable angle.

"What'd you do?" he asked, sounding curious, but not annoyed. Not yet anyway.

"I called Nyota earlier," Leonard said. "She mentioned that you'd sent two days' worth of lesson plans, and she said she'd reassign a sub to your room."

"Bones…"

"She also said that if you decided you wanted to come in, that'd be fine too," Leonard said quickly. "I just thought it might be good idea to give you the option of taking some extra time."

Jim turned to look into his eyes directly, bringing a hand up to cup his face, rubbing a thumb over the scruff that was starting to come in. "Thank you," Jim said. "For taking care of me like you have. I'd kinda gotten used to not really relying on anyone but myself. But I think I should go in tomorrow."

Leonard smiled slightly…cause, yeah. It was only eight months ago that he was saying pretty much exactly the same thing.

"Jim, there's no reason why you shouldn't take an extra day to recuperate. Especially because, like you said, your internal clock is off. You might end up feeling exhausted in the middle of the day. I think it's better to just take the time to…reset yourself," Leonard said.

"Yeah, but I don't know…I think I'll go crazy staying here by myself all day, and with everything that's been going on, I just don't know if now is the best time to be taking days off."

"Well, you won't be by yourself. I don't have class until tonight…it's Tuesday, remember? I was planning to do some subject write ups here, then I figured when you went to get Jo from school I'd head to the hospital for a couple of hours before the class. And as for what else is going on…you're a fantastic teacher. Your students love you, and you're excellent with them – and their parents love you because they see that. And most importantly, Nyota and Finnegan know exactly how good you are. I don't think you have anything to worry about. So…stay with me tomorrow?"

Jim sat up and leaned in to kiss him. "Well, okay…since you asked me so nicely," he said, a smile on his lips.

Leonard's mouth quirked up in a half-smile of his own. "Good," he said. "Now come on…let's get up. I didn't have dinner either. Time for a snack and then more rest."

Jim stood and stretched, pleased that there was no real pain beyond the little twinge of a cut that was still healing. Now that it was done, he really couldn't understand why he was so freaked out about it. He found, though, that thinking didn't apply to what he had coming up. The thought of actual surgery…he closed his eyes and shuddered. Better not to think about it at all.

Later, after Leonard had put together a snack of cut fruit, cheese, crackers and a couple of pieces of left over roasted chicken, they settled together on the couch. Leonard found a station with an early morning news show and left it on low. Jim lay on his left side, resting his head on Leonard's chest. Leonard had an arm around him and was rubbing his back, the gentle motion encouraging him to relax. With the throw blanket draped over them, comfortably warm and full, they both let their eyes close, falling back asleep as the sun slowly rose.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets a diagnosis that throws him into a panic attack, and then ends up with a medical emergency.

Leonard was still fuming as he pushed the doors open with more force than necessary. He still couldn't believe Sommers had the audacity to complain about him to his department head. Like they were children telling on each other, for god's sake. 

_Unbelievable._

He grumbled to himself all the way to his car, wondering what he should do from here. What he wanted to do was fire off an email that told Sommers exactly what he thought of him. But they weren't done dealing with Sommers yet, and Jim came first, no matter how aggravated he was.

Fortunately, Dr. Peter Yohe, head of Neurology, was a friendly guy, and he actually commiserated with Leonard over how…challenging…Sommers could be.

"But at the end of the day, Len, he was the guy in charge, and you undermined him in front of other staff members and the patient. You gotta know that wasn't okay," Yohe had said.

Leonard sat back in the chair, rubbing his forehead as he felt the beginnings of a headache coming on, contemplating the answer to that question. He knew what he  _should_  say. And then there was what he  _wanted_ to say.

He decided the best thing to do was settle for somewhere in the middle.

"It should never have gotten to the point it did," Leonard admitted. "But it could've been avoided. Neither of us would have been put in that position if there had been some reciprocal communication."

"Understood," Dr. Yohe said. He sat back in his chair. "You know he's not going to allow it again."

Leonard grimaced, nodding. He'd figured. "Well, hopefully we won't really need to deal with him again. He's not a surgeon, after all. I just need to find someone with a little more…flexibility."

"Well, you're in California. It shouldn't be too hard to find a doc into that touchy-feely, holistic way of doing things. Just…try not to upset any more of the staff, okay?"

Leonard smirked and nodded. Yohe was a transplant to California too, and Leonard was amused at his characterization of the type of disposition he was looking for in a doctor because he never thought that he'd be looking for it.

Despite the seemingly light-hearted nature of this particular conversation, Leonard knew (and appreciated) that Yohe was going a lot easier on him than what he probably deserved. But he also knew why.

"So, how's the trial going?"

"Very well," Leonard replied. "So far, there are no negative side effects that we weren't already aware of, and the preventative effects are holding the subjects within their first year of diagnosis."

"Excellent. I've been receiving emails and calls since your paper published from Neuro departments all over the country. Considered expanding your trial?"

Leonard hesitated. He had considered that. It would mean garnering additional monetary support from Pfizer, and enlisting the active work of another few doctors. None of that really bothered him. What did bother him was the fact that more hands meant more oversight…which meant longer hours away from home…away from Jim. And most importantly, away from Joanna.

On the other hand, a larger study with more funding could mean moving a little faster…or, well, "faster" in the relative way that applies to the FDA…but it could also mean a viable therapy for all ALS patients – not just those in his trial – sooner too.

And it never hurt to make the department head of a major hospital look good.

"I've considered it," Leonard replied. "I wanted to get through this first round before going through the logistics of an expanded trial."

Yohe nodded. "Keep me apprised. You've got my support."

"Thank you, Pete. I appreciate that." Leonard glanced at his watch.

"Have a class?" Pete asked.

Leonard smiled. "Not tonight. I do have an appointment to see a couple of people looking for a heart and a brain, though."

 

* * *

 

"Hurry Daddy! I don't want to miss it!"

"Okay, Baby, okay…hold my hand."

Joanna gripped her father's hand, and he led them through the parking lot. It was full, and there were quite a few people still making their way into the school's auditorium.

"Is Uncle Jim already here? Is he saving us seats?"

"He said he would, so I'm sure he is," Leonard replied, smiling down at her, enjoying her excitement. This was her first play.

Pushing through the double doors, he took a program from one of the student greeters.

"Daddy, can I have one too?"

"Sure, Baby," he said, accepting another and handing it to her. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

"No," she said.

"Do you want to try? Just in case, so you don't miss any of the show?" Leonard persisted.

"Okay, I'll try."

"Can you go into the girl's bathroom by yourself?" Leonard asked, always a little annoyed at the choice he has to make…bring her in the men's room with him, or let her go by herself. In this particular case, he didn't mind letting her go by herself into the ladies' room, but that's not always the case.

"Yeah," she said, pulling away from him.

"I'll be right here," he said. She nodded distractedly and pushed the door open. He got a glimpse of a bit of line, so he resolved himself to waiting for a few minutes without allowing the worry to kick in.

While he waited, he glanced through the program. The school that Kimmie and Janie attended put on an annual play, and this year, as a fifth grader, Kimmie had a part. Peering down the list of names on the program, Leonard saw that she would be playing…Munchkin Matilda and a member of the Munchkins of Oz.

"Hey, there you are!"

Leonard looked up and smiled as Jim came moved through the lobby towards him.

"Where's Jo?"

"Bathroom," Leonard said, resisting the urge to reach out to him and draw him into a kiss. He smiled at him. "She's gonna be pissed if we don't have good seats."

Jim chuckled. "No worries. Sam and Janie are saving prime spots for us."

"Aurelan?"

"Backstage – costume designer, remember?"

"Oh, for all of them? I thought it was just for Kimmie and a few others."

Jim shrugged. "Well, default costume designer. You wouldn't believe just how many parents either really don't give a shit or are perfectly happy writing a check and letting someone else deal with their child. How long has she been in there?" Jim asked, tilting his head towards the door.

"A couple of minutes; there was a line. I'm not worried yet."

"Okay," Jim said. He left to buy a couple of snacks and drinks for during the show, and while he was doing that, Joanna exited the restroom.

"Did you go?" he asked, already planning whether or not to try to get a seat near the aisle.

"Yup," she replied, happily taking Jim's hand when she realized he was there.

"Uncle Jim! How come you're not saving our seats?"

"Don't worry...I got it covered. Trust me?"

"Yup!" she replied immediately.

Jim smiled, giving her hand a little squeeze. He absolutely loved her certainty.

They made their way into the theater crowded with families, the buzz of excited conversation in the air. Jim led them to the row where Sam and Janie were saving four seats…the extra one for Aurelan, if she ever made it back from behind stage. Joanna and Janie greeted each other excitedly, and everyone settled down in their chosen seats. A few minutes later, fifteen minutes after the time the play was actually supposed to start, the opening music played over the loudspeakers and the curtains drew back on a drab Kansas right before a storm.

It was…cute, Leonard thought. He wasn't expecting much from a fifth-grade production of the Wizard of Oz, but so far they were doing a pretty good job. Janie and Joanna pointed and waved excitedly when Kimmie appeared on stage. Jim glanced over at Sam, then nudged Leonard's shoulder to get his attention. He nodded over at Sam, and Leonard smiled at the way Sam kept the camcorder trained on the stage, a half smile on his face as he watched his oldest daughter deliver her one line just like they'd practiced it… _"It's safe…the witch is dead!"_ Settling in to watch the play, Jim slouched down in his seat comfortably, leaning against Leonard's shoulder.

A little over an hour and a half later, they were giving standing ovations to the main characters, the lines of Munchkins, the witches, Dorothy, Lion, Scarecrow and Tinman…everyone had a turn to be recognized. After a few minutes, the crowd in the auditorium started to slowly disperse, and Leonard, Jim, Sam, and the girls made their way to the stairs by the stage to wait for Kimmie and Aurelan.

"You did such a good job sweetheart!" Sam exclaimed when Kimmie appeared, hurrying down the stairs to her family, and everyone echoed their agreement. Sam handed her a small bouquet of flowers and gave her a kiss and hug. Aurelan followed shortly after, carrying a few plastic bags of materials and odds and ends. Jim chuckled, and took the bags from her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You look exhausted," Jim said.

Aurelan gave him a slightly sour look. "I know Leonard isn't a vain person, but don't you know by now that you're never supposed to draw attention to things like that?"

"Eh. I'm a slow learner," Jim said with a smile. "Good job, sis. They all looked great. So…one down, two shows to go?"

"Oh, god…don't remind me," she replied.

They all went to Friendly's for dinner, which was a noisy, rambunctious affair. But the girls had fun, and that's what mattered. Aurelan and Kimmie entertained them with stories of all the craziness that preceded the opening night play, with Kimmie giggling and happily describing everything that had been going on backstage. Janie listened and interjected what she was going to do when she was in the school play, and Jo laughed along with them.

After dinner, everyone indulged in an ice cream desert…the kids' more…adventurous…than the adults', with toppings like gummi bears and crushed peppermints. Except for Jim. He could do toppings with the best of them and asked for some pretzels so that he could crush them and sprinkle them over his butter pecan.

Leonard looked around the table at everyone he considered family, and was struck by how incredible it was to have not only Jim, but his brother and sister-in-law, as well as Kimmie and Janie…it was like having an extended family, complete with in-laws and nieces of his own. It was…really, really great.

But, It was also a school night, and as much fun as everyone was having, Leonard didn't want to linger too long.

"Coming with us?" he asked Jim. At the end of the day, Jim had headed directly to Aurelan's who'd driven them both to the school so he could help her in the last minute craziness between the end of school and the beginning of the play. There had been so much still to do, and more than one last minute emergency of forgotten costume pieces, lines, and – for a few frantic minutes – the tape that was supposed to contain the soundtrack. Kimmie's teacher had been so appreciative of the help, though, and the kids were so adorable, it was all completely worth it.

It was also exhausting.

"Oh, with you," Jim replied. "Now…if you want. Sam'll drop my car off at the school tomorrow, as long as you can drop me off with Joanna in the morning."

Leonard chuckled, leaning close to him. "I think I can handle that. Long day, huh?"

"Very," he agreed, a note of something…not quite right…in his voice.

Leonard pulled back to look at Jim a little more closely. "You okay?"

Jim hesitated, glancing away. "I'm good," he said.

Yeah, that wasn't convincing at all.

"Something going on?"

"I'll tell you later, okay?"

Leonard nodded and slipped an arm around Jim's shoulders, giving him a squeeze. "Sure," he said. "Let's get going."

They left a few minutes later, to Joanna's dismay.

"I don't wanta go," she whined. "Can we stay for a few more minutes?"

"We gotta get going Baby," Leonard said. "You have school tomorrow…and we still have to get a bath."

"We're leaving too, Jo," Aurelan said. "Everyone has school tomorrow."

Mollified by the fact that she wasn't actually going to be missing anything, they headed out of the restaurant together, without any whining or tears or tantrums, and the two families separated in the parking lot, each going to their own car.

Joanna chatted about the play happily, her familiarity with the story more comprehensive because of her books, and she was currently discussing the differences between the literature and the play. Leonard rolled his eyes at Jim, who smiled indulgently.

"Hey, Jo…would you ever want to be in a play like that?" Jim asked when she stopped to take a breath.

The question was met with contemplative silence for a moment. "Does my school put on a play?" she asked.

Jim turned in his seat to look at her. "Not a play exactly…more like a talent show. Some kids do things in groups or with their classes, and some kids do things on their own."

"What kind of things?" Jo asked.

"Singing a song, putting on a little skit – a very short play," he explained. "Or…reciting a poem, telling jokes…almost anything. What do you think?"

"Umm…I don't think so."

"No?" Leonard asked, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

Joanna shook her head. "I don't know what I can do."

"Oh…there's a lot you can do, and you have some time to think about it. The talent show isn't for a while. Maybe you'll change your mind," Jim said, throwing a wink at Leonard as Jo silently shook her head, turning a cute shade of pink.

"I think it would be too scary," she admitted.

"Well," Jim said. "Maybe you'll change your mind later on."

"Maybe," she said doubtfully.

Leonard got Jo into the bath as soon as they got home, and into bed soon after that. Once Jo was squared away…had her stories, and her sip of water, and her hugs and kisses goodnight, Leonard turned his attention to Jim.

Heading back into the family room, he found Jim in the kitchen, drinking from the orange juice container.

"Jim, there are cups literally eighteen inches from where you're standing," Leonard said, pulling one out and holding it out to him.

"No need to dirty a cup, Bones," Jim said, shaking the carton. "Empty." He threw the carton into the garbage can and Leonard rolled his eyes.

"You're such a pain," he said, but pulled Jim to him, taking all the sting out of the words with an embrace that Jim readily returned. He smiled against Bones' shoulder, settling his hand on Bones' waist. He let himself relax into Bones' arms, loving the firm warmth pressed against his body.

After a moment, Jim pulled away to kiss him, smiling against his lips at Bones' enthusiastic response.

"Miss me today?" Jim asked playfully.

"Always," Leonard replied. "So…you gonna tell me what's going on?"

Jim sighed and nodded. "Yeah. I want to take a shower first, though. I'm gross from doing stage set up all afternoon. Do you have any work you have to get done?"

Leonard hesitated. He did. He always did…whether it was work for the classes he taught or reviewing information or writing reports for the trial, he always had something that had to be done. And today, as his time had been cut into by that meeting with Fohe, things he'd meant to accomplish hadn't happened.

And that had become their routine over the last couple of months. They always tried to have dinner together, and then after Jo was in bed, Leonard and Jim would each work for a while in each other's company. Then they would maybe watch the news, or a show they were both interested in…or Jim would watch and Leonard would read. And then bed…sometimes to sleep, and sometimes not. It was a good routine, one that Leonard had come to love everything about…from the dinners as a family to the comfortable intimacy of the few quiet hours together with just the two of them.

"Nothing that has to be done today," he replied.

"No? Good…why don't you join me then?" Jim suggested, taking Leonard's hand in his own, giving him a little tug.

"That sounds like a good idea to me," he said, completely taken with the expressive blue eyes, and everything reflected in them.

Jim led him to their bedroom, closing and making a point to lock the door, having learned that lesson a while ago. Facing Leonard, he reached out to untuck his shirt from his pants, leaning in to kiss him before turning his attention to the buttons. Leonard shrugged out of the shirt, and Jim pulled up on his undershirt as well. He raised his arms and Jim pulled the undershirt over his head. He traced the muscles on Leonard's chest and waist with gentle hands, settling on the waistband of his pants.

Leonard paused Jim's actions, taking a moment to undress him, too. He let his hands roam over Jim's strong shoulders, around his back, up to slide his fingers through his hair. He searched Jim's eyes, looking for insight into what Jim was thinking. Jim had something to tell him, and he was pretty sure he knew what it had to do with…it was about that time. He didn't think Jim was really trying to stall the conversation, and he wasn't necessarily getting the feeling that their activities were going to lead to sex tonight. No…this seemed more like a need for a comforting connection. Leonard could completely understand and appreciate that.

They finished undressing each other, dropping their clothes on the floor and leaving them where they fell.

In the shower, Leonard urged Jim under the spray first, tenderly running his hands through his hair. Jim stood there, head back and eyes closed, letting the hot water run over his body. Leonard leaned in and kissed him, then retrieved a washcloth and the soap. He took his time, washing Jim's body first, then tipping some shampoo into his hands.

"Mmm…you're going to make me fall asleep," Jim said, relaxing into the massaging touch from the strong hands.

"You better not," Leonard said teasingly. "I don't think I can carry your heavy ass out of here."

Jim laughed and moved to stand under the spray, letting the water sluice over him, rinsing away the suds with Leonard's help, running his hands over Jim's body and through his hair. He let his fingers slip over Jim's side at the site of the biopsy. There was hardly a mark anymore, just a small strip of lighter-colored, new skin. Wiping the water out of his eyes, Jim moved to the side and Leonard took his place. He took the washcloth and soap himself.

"Can I do it?" Jim asked, gently taking hold of Leonard's wrists. Jim knew that things like this, that shouldn't be hard for Bones anymore, could still sometimes make him hesitate. But everything was so different now,  _Bones_ was so different now…so much better as far as his comfort level was concerned…that there hadn't been anything in quite a while that he'd not been able to do with him…including everything they did during their awesome trip to Napa.

Leonard nodded, and handed Jim the cloth and soap, standing slightly stiffly. Jim ignored that, knowing that he'd relax before long, and after all this time, trusting that he'd say something if he was truly uncomfortable. Jim trailed the soapy cloth over Bones' body, and watching the play of muscle under the streaming water kept him in a state of light arousal, as he'd been pretty much since they started undressing each other earlier. Jim found Bones so damn sexy…and he was sexy without trying, or even realizing how hot he was. As he moved the cloth over Bones' body, he could see that he wasn't the only one who was appreciating the sensations. But he didn't pursue it…didn't want to interrupt this intimacy, this quiet affection, between them tonight.

Besides, they still needed to talk.

After running his hands through Bones' thick hair and down his body, rinsing all the suds from him, they finally stepped out of the shower and dried off. They dressed quickly, each settling for just boxers. Leonard glanced at Jim, wondering if he was going to have to bring up whatever Jim had to talk about again, or if he would do it himself.

"I know it's still early, but do you want to lie down?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, let's get comfortable. Did you want some tea or anything?"

"Nah, I'm fine," Jim said, moving to turn down the blankets. Leonard helped him, and they lay down, drawing together automatically, naturally. Jim moved to Leonard's side and he wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close. They kissed softly, and Jim held on to him tightly, closing his eyes and smiling as he felt Leonard shift them slightly, urging Jim onto his back while he propped himself up on his elbow, resting his head on his hand. Gazing down at Jim, Leonard drew his hand down Jim's chest, his touch light and tender.

Jim looked up at him, then sighed as Leonard leaned down to kiss him again.

"I love you," Leonard said.

"Love you so much," Jim replied.

Leonard smiled and settled down beside him, and Jim turned himself towards him.

"Will you tell me?" Leonard asked.

Jim sighed and closed his eyes and nodded.

"Yeah. I got a call from Sommers' office today. He wants me to come in."

 

* * *

 

Jim had a sick, swooping feeling of déjà vu, sitting with his elbows on his knees, his head down. He was going to pass out, he was sure of it. Or be sick. Possibly both.

The only thing that was keeping him grounded right now was the feel of Bones' hand on the back of his neck. Though, the more the doctor spoke, the harder Bones squeezed. It was actually getting a bit painful. But Jim didn't have it in him to ask him to let go. He was afraid if he started talking, he might give in to the panic bubbling beneath the surface.

And not here…in this cold doctor's office, with this cold doctor, reading from Jim's file like it belonged to some med school exercise, and not a living, breathing person right in front of him. No…he wouldn't lose it in front of Sommers. He clenched his jaw and tried to keep himself in check, as much as he could anyway.

Cancerous cells.

They'd pulled cancerous cells out of the solid section of the cyst currently sitting on his liver.

He swallowed hard, registering that he was starting to feel dizzy. He felt like he couldn't catch his breath, his heart pounding so heavily he couldn't hear anything else clearly. Squeezing his eyes closed, he wiped a shaking hand across his face, distantly registering moisture. He knew that Bones and Sommers were talking…could hear that they were talking, but nothing was registering with him. A painful lump was growing in his throat and he swallowed again, trying to get it to go away.

Sommers was saying something about a CT scan, the surgery…Jim couldn't focus on anything beyond those two words: cancerous cells.

"Bones."

"Jim? You okay?"

Bones' voice managed to push through the thick haze of disbelief and fear that had settled so thickly around him.

Had he said that out loud? He hadn't even realized.

Jim shook his head no, lowering his head even further, completely obscuring his face. Hiding, as much as he could.

Leonard looked up at Sommers, who actually looked like he was annoyed.

 _Well fuck you,_ Leonard thought angrily.

"We need a minute," Leonard said. "Please."

"I'd like to do that CT scan today, as it's already scheduled. I'll have one of the nurses in to prep you in a few minutes."

Leonard nodded…Jim didn't respond at all. As far as Leonard was concerned, whether or not that CT scan took place today was entirely up to Jim, but anything to get Sommers out of the exam room.

"Jim," Leonard said as soon as the door closed behind Sommers. He crouched in front of Jim, grasping his arms, trying to urge him to look up. "Jim look at me."

Jim shook his head, swallowing several times, breathing too quickly to really get a full breath. He was starting to hyperventilate.

"Bones," Jim said again, weakly. "I can't breathe."

_Panic attack._

"Okay…shh…you're okay," Leonard said, wrapping an arm around him. Jim's body was shaking, and he'd broken into a cold sweat.

"No…" Jim said. Then he was grasping Leonard's arm, pushing his face against his shoulder. Leonard held him, pressing his cheek against the top of Jim's head.

"Yes," he said, quietly. "You're okay. You're just hyperventilating. Try to slow your breathing. It's okay."

Leonard murmured to him quietly, calmly, waiting for the trembling to stop and his breathing to slow to a more normal rate.

It took a while, but Jim finally started to calm, the storm of emotion passing. He was still clutching Leonard, pressing his face to his shoulder.

"This is bad," Jim said shakily. "Oh, god…" He shuddered and gulped, his fingers tightening convulsively on Leonard's arm.

"Jim…listen to me." He paused, trying to get a look at Jim's face. "Are you listening?"

"Yes."

"'Cancerous cells' is not necessarily cancer. Your liver biopsy was clean. The cyst  _could_ develop into a problem, and it has to come out, but that was going to happen anyway. Once it's gone, you should be fine."

"Why the CT scan?" Jim asked. He swallowed, his throat aching as he tried to keep his emotions under check. "Why do I have to do that?"

Leonard sighed, rubbing Jim's back. He remembered the MRI wasn't all that easy for him to tolerate, and he felt bad that he was going to have to go through something like that again.

"It's just a good way to get a very clear picture of your organs. It's just precautionary…but it helps them to see any other…anything else that might be going on."

"Like pancreatic cancer," Jim filled in numbly. It was a CT scan that ultimately diagnosed his mother. And just a few months later she was dead.

"Jim…" Leonard said, feeling helpless in the face of Jim's distress. "At this point  _everyone_ has a CT scan. It's just part of the process. There is no reason to think that there's anything else wrong."

Jim picked his head up, looking at Leonard for the first time…so desperately wanting to believe that, and so afraid of what would happen if Bones was wrong.

Leonard gently brushed Jim's cheek with his thumb, wiping away the moisture under his eyes.

"You're going to be fine," he said. "I truly believe that. Okay?"

Jim nodded, tipping his head forward to rest forehead on Bones' shoulder again. Leonard felt bad about pushing him about this, but Sommers had said he'd be sending a nurse in, they'd made the appointment to meet in this imaging clinic that Sommers was affiliated with to get it done, and it was going to have to happen eventually anyway.

"Are you up for the CT scan?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah, I guess," Jim said. "You're going to stay with me, right?"

Leonard hesitated. "I'll try, Jim. A CT scan is different from the MRI you had before. Other people aren't generally allowed in the same room during a CT. They're also much shorter, and only take a minute or two. But I'll ask. And if not, I'll be in the control room, and you'll be able to hear me talking to you."

Jim looked distinctly uncomfortable at that possibility, but nodded anyway.

They waited for a few more minutes, then the nurse that Sommers promised came into the room.

"Mr. Kirk," she said. "If you'll follow me, we'll get you prepped for the CT. Now, you're going to have the CT done with contrast…with a dye…that will be injected into you. And then we need to let it circulate in your system for a couple of minutes, then we'll do the scan and you'll be on your way. Okay?"

Jim glanced at Bones, a distinctly disturbed expression on his face.

"The contrast is necessary Jim," Leonard said, knowing what the problem was. "It's the best way to get a clear picture…and that's what we want."

"Okay," Jim agreed quietly.

"Great," the nurse said. "So, if you'll follow me…"

 

* * *

 

Jim breathed slowly, trying to stop himself from tensing up. When he tensed, his body shook, and that was annoying and embarrassing. Lying on the table of the CT machine, in nothing but a stupid paper gown and his boxers, Jim was cold and anxious. Bones was still there with him, holding his hand tightly, and Jim turned his head away from the nurse, towards Bones, squeezing his eyes closed.

"Okay, if I could have your arm…"

Reluctantly, Jim held out his left arm. He felt Bones grasp him with both hands, holding him tightly. That helped a bit. Jim bit his lip at the sharp pinch of the needle, and Bones murmured something to him. It was quickly taped in place and he felt a gentle tug on the tubing as it was connected to the bag containing the dye.

"Now, you may feel flushed or get a strange taste in your mouth…those sensations will pass. If you feel anything else funny, or get too anxious, let us know, okay? We'll be able to hear you and you'll be able to hear us, okay?"

Jim nodded, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding until he needed to breathe again. He felt the flush she'd mentioned almost right away…kinda like he was blushing hard about something. It started in his arm, and spread outward, across his chest, down his legs…he looked down quickly…it almost felt like he'd peed himself.

"That's normal," the nurse said, noticing his discomfiture and Jim did blush at that.

"Coulda warned me," he said lowly, annoyed and not feeling all that great. He did have a funny taste in his mouth, and he swallowed. It didn't help though, he was completely dry.

"Doin' okay there, Jim?" Bones asked.

Jim took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to ignore the sick, dizzy feeling coming over him, writing it off as the side effect of the contrast.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I don't feel great, but I'm okay."

"Okay," the nurse said. "We're going to need you to stay still, and the radiologist may ask you to hold your breath at different points. The whole scan should take just a matter of minutes. So…we can get started anytime you're ready," she finished, giving Leonard a significant look.

He caught the hint and nodded.

"I have to go into the other room, Jim. I'll be right there, and I'll talk to you the whole time, okay?"

Jim opened his eyes and focused on Bones' face.

"Okay," he said quietly.

"Okay…you need to let my arm go," he said gently.

Jim smiled slightly and reluctantly let go. "Sorry…forgot."

Leonard stepped back and the nurse directed Jim how to position himself.

"Just stay just like that."

Jim nodded and she and Leonard headed across the room, to the control area. Alone, Jim swallowed hard again, licking his lips. He closed his eyes, feeling uncomfortably dizzy. The warm flush hadn't subsided…as a matter of fact, his arm felt much warmer now…the skin close to the IV sight felt a little itchy and tight.

Just a few years ago, Jim thought, his mother was laying on a table like this. Not looking for cancer, but that's what they found. Too late for the doctors to do anything, except try some truly horrific therapies that may have extended her life slightly, but at a terrible cost. She'd been so sick, in such pain. At the end she wasn't anything like the woman Jim had known, a mere shell…gaunt, skeletal, sick…that disease had taken everything from her…so, so quickly.

And it had started just like this.

In the control room, Leonard watched Jim carefully.

"He's moving," the tech said, sounding annoyed.

_"Sir, please hold still so we can get a clear image. Thirty seconds, okay?"_

Jim didn't respond, but his back arched slightly. Leonard pressed the button to talk, concerned that Jim was having another panic attack.

 _"Jim! Jim, can you hear me?_ "

Leonard had a really bad feeling about this…Jim's chest was heaving, and he was moving slightly, as if he wanted to curl himself up. Then he made a move as if to bring his hand to his throat, and Leonard's heart almost stopped.

"Something's wrong. Stop the scan. Now.  _Now!_ " Leonard demanded urgently. He vaguely heard the tech confirm before opening the door and running back into the room, the nurse right behind him.

Jim was gasping, turning his head agitatedly. Leonard ran up to him, quickly cataloguing everything he was seeing.

"Jim! Listen to me….focus. C'mon, Jim…what's wrong?"

"C-can't breathe…" Jim gasped out, managing to focus on Leonard as he cupped his face. His eyes were unfocused and frightened. "My throat…"

"He's having an allergic reaction," the nurse said briskly. "Move out of the way, sir."

Leonard tried to get Jim's attention again, moving enough out of the way so the nurse could work. They had to protect his airway.

"Jim…listen to me…listen!" Leonard shouted. Jim was struggling against his hands, desperate for a full breath. "You're having an allergic reaction, but you're going to be fine. We're going to sedate you, and when you wake up there will be a tube in your throat to help you breathe."

Fear bloomed in Jim's eyes, and he shook his head desperately, struggling harder. His gasping took on a pained, wheezing quality, the edges of his lips tinged blue. He tried to push himself up…

"No…no… _please!_ " he tried to shout. It came out a whisper.

"Your throat is swelling, Jim…that's why you can't breathe. As soon as it goes away it'll come out and you will be fine."

There was hardly any sound, hardly any air...so Jim shook his head frantically, his wide eyes broadcasting the terrifying feeling of being asphyxiated, of being sedated again. His eyes flooded with tears that spilled down his cheeks. His lungs were screaming for air and his heart and head were pounding painfully. He tried to yank his arm away with the IV away from the nurse, but she held him firmly. Bones held his shoulders, pressing him down, talking to him…but he couldn't hear…

Couldn't breath…

Darkness invaded the edges of his vision…

And then he was out.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim recovers from his allergic response and struggles to deal with being a patient despite his phobia. Later, Jim and Leonard discuss a professional development in Jim's life.

"I want him extubated  _before_ he regains consciousness," Leonard said, folding his arms over his chest, his tone firm and leaving no room for argument. He would do almost anything to spare Jim the additional trauma of waking up to the forced, unnatural breathing of a respirator.

"That's not your call," Sommers said. "That's a decision to be made by the respiratory therapist…"

"…and his attending physician. Which is  _me_ ," Leonard finished for him. "Dr. Sommers…I appreciate what you do, but I'm coordinating Jim's care."

"And who's decision is that? What about Auphrey? If anyone should be coordinating his care, it should be the GP…not a neurologist. Kirk was never even a neurology patient – forget the fact that it's completely unethical for a doctor to be  _involved_ with his patient."

"It's my decision," another voice said. Both doctors turned towards the doorway to the small lounge area where they'd been arguing, herded there by an irate nurse who would not abide two doctors having a pissing contest in the middle of the patient observation and recovery area.

"Leonard," Sam said, moving into the lounge. "What the hell happened? Is Jim okay?"

"And you are…?" Sommers asked.

"Sam Kirk…Jim's brother, and next of kin," Sam replied shortly. "It's my decision," he repeated. "I want Leonard in charge of Jim's care."

For a second it looked as if he were going to argue. But then, "Fine," Sommers said. "I'll leave you to it." And with that, he left. Presumably to confer with the radiologist about the hard-gained CT results. Leonard almost said something about it, but shook his head to himself. Sommers was an ass, but he was a doctor. He'd do his job.

"I got here as soon as I could," Sam said. "Where's Jim? Is he okay? I want to see him."

"Let's sit down for a second, Sam," Leonard said, keeping his voice calm. He guided Sam into the room with a gentle hand, and they settled in a couple of chairs. "Jim is okay. He had an allergic reaction to a contrast dye that was being used during a CT scan. It caused his throat to swell, so we had to entubate him…put a tube down his throat…to make sure he could breathe. We've given him medications to counteract the reaction and fluids to flush his system of the contrast material, and he'll be fine. That kind of reaction isn't common, and though it's scary, in a hospital setting where medical care is available right away, it isn't particularly dangerous."

"So, he's going to be fine," Sam said, needing to hear it again.

"I promise, Sam. He  _is_ fine," Leonard said sincerely.

Sam nodded, eyes trained on the floor somewhere. Then, "Why was he having a CT scan, Leonard? What's going on?"

Leonard hesitated. Of course Sam wanted to know what was happening with his brother. And as next of kin, Sam had every right to know the answer to that question. But he knew Jim didn't want everyone to know anything until there actually  _was_ something to know. Leonard didn't agree with that…he thought the more support Jim's family could provide for him the better. But it wasn't his decision, and if Jim wanted to keep what was going on as private as possible, then Leonard would respect that.

"Sam…" Leonard started. "I'm his doctor…"

"You can't say," Sam finished for him. He clenched his jaw and fist, struggling with that for a moment. Eventually he nodded tightly. "I understand. I don't like it, but I don't trust anyone else to be in charge of coordinating things, and I trust you."

Deciding not to contradict him, Leonard nodded. "Thanks, Sam. That means a lot. I'll take care of him, I promise you."

"I know you will. Can I see him?"

"Yeah, in just a few minutes. Let me see about getting him conscious and oriented. I don't want him to be overwhelmed right away," Leonard said. And, he knew, Jim wouldn't want Sam to see him unless he was in control of his reactions.

"Okay," Sam said. "Should I…"

"You can wait here. I'll come back for you."

Jim had been moved to a semi-private observation and recovery area, and Leonard joined one of the respiratory techs at his bed.

"He's starting to kick back on the vent," the tech said, listening to the function of his upper respiratory system with a stethoscope.

Leonard nodded. That was a good sign. About three-quarters of a saline bag had been emptied into his system via the IV, and he had good urine output through the Foley, too, effectively flushing both the sedation medication (a different, less potent type than what was used for the biopsy) and the contrast material from his system. He'd be waking soon, and he didn't appear to be reacting at all anymore.

"Okay, let's get him extubated," Leonard said. "Now…before he wakes up."

The tech was quick and efficient, and they watched Jim carefully for a few minutes, making sure he was breathing well on his own. The tech listened to his upper airways, and was happy with the sound of freely moving air. Fortunately, everything appeared to be fine. The only thing left that indicated Jim had an allergic reaction was a rash that looked like hives up his arm and across his chest. That would probably be uncomfortable and itch for a while, but it was nothing a couple of applications of cortisone cream couldn't take care of. The respiratory tech left, and Leonard debated removing the Foley catheter that was collecting Jim's urine now, also before he regained consciousness.

Jim had been terrified in those last seconds of awareness, and Leonard didn't expect those feelings to just have disappeared. He didn't want this to be more traumatic for Jim than absolutely necessary, and anything they could do while he was out, they should probably do.

Before he could call a nurse over, though, Jim started to show signs that he was coming around. Leonard pulled a stool over to sit by Jim's side, and took his hand, giving him a squeeze.

"Jim," he said, watching his face carefully. "C'mon Darlin'. Wake up and open your eyes for me."

Jim's brow furrowed and he turned his head slightly, towards Leonard, and took a couple of quick, deep breaths. Leonard brushed Jim's hair back from his forehead. He murmured to him continuously, and after just a few more moments, Jim's eyes slowly blinked open, clouded with confusion and the left-over effects of the sedation. Leonard noted that Jim's rise from unconsciousness was a lot easier this time, and he made a note to himself about the effects of this sedation medication. After a couple of seconds, Jim's eyes focused on him.

"Bones," Jim croaked, and then he grimaced in pain.

"Don't try to talk," Leonard said. "Your throat is going to be a little sore for a while. I have some ice chips for you. Want them?"

Jim nodded and moved to take the cup from Leonard. As he was recovering a lot more quickly this time than from his first experience with sedation, Leonard didn't hesitate to hand the cup to him. He used the spoon to feed himself ice chips, closing his eyes at the cool relief they provided to his sore throat. He looked around, getting his bearings, his confusion clearing as the memory of the last few terrifying moments of consciousness came back to him.

"Bones," he said again, his voice clearer now and conveying his rising distress as he took in everything he was connected to…again. Then he shifted his lower body, and his eyes widened as he flushed hotly, a hand reaching down to feel what his body was telling him was different.

Leonard grabbed his hand, and took the cup of ice from him, setting it aside. He glanced up at the screen displaying his vital information, watching as his heart rate shot up.

"Jim…I need you to listen to me-"

"No…I want to get out of here. Disconnect me – take everything – out – now. Now, Bones,  _please_. Please, now. I don't want tubes up my…my-" He shifted uncomfortably and glanced down. "Take it out, Bones, please. And the IV…"

Jim was moving restlessly, trying to sit up straight from his reclined position, trying to reach the IV in his left hand with his right, bringing his knees up slightly, protectively. His breathing was quick and shallow and his hands were shaking. He shuddered and Leonard saw a wave of goosebumps wash over his arms. He winced in discomfort as his movements made him acutely aware of the presence of the Foley, and he let out a choked sound as he tried to swallow a panicked sob. Leonard braced him with a firm grip on his upper arms, moving to sit on the side of the bed.

"Oh, Darlin'...you're okay. Jim, Jim…shh. You're okay, but you need to listen to me. Shh Darlin'…" Leonard leaned close to him, giving up on trying to keep eye contact, and just held him tightly. He could feel Jim shaking as he pressed his face to his shoulder, and Leonard cursed himself for not being sure that he was completely disconnected from everything he could be before he regained consciousness. Jim struggled slightly, trying to pull away from Leonard's grip. He pressed his lips together, not wanting to fight with Jim, but needing him to calm down.

He hated to see Jim like this…it was so uncharacteristic, and it was just wrong. Jim was confident and strong and his rock. It hurt him to see Jim so obviously afraid. Leonard was familiar with the clinical effects of a phobia. But to know it clinically was so very different from seeing it personally. He wished with all his heart there was something he could do to help Jim through this...this and what was still to come.

"Bones, please, don't make-" He stopped as his voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, swallowing hard. His body tense, Jim forced himself to take a deep breath and try to calm his thudding heart. "Please don't make me stay here anymore.  _Please._ "

"Okay, Darlin', okay. I don't want you to stay here either. And you can come home. You can come home with me in just a little while. But I need you to stay calm for a few minutes," Leonard said, keeping his voice soft and gentle.

Jim's hands gripped Leonard's shoulders after a moment, and he raised his head so that he could finally meet Leonard's eyes. He was still breathing too quickly and was in danger of hyperventilating himself again, but at least he was focusing.

"I want to go, Leonard," Jim said, trying to make his voice firm even as it shook slightly. "Now."

Surprised at hearing his given name from Jim, Leonard nodded. "I know. I know you do. Let me take care of you first, though, okay?"

"You're gonna do it?" Jim asked, pleadingly.

"Yes, I'll take care of you. Can you hang in there for me for a few minutes?"

Reluctantly, Jim nodded, swallowing a couple of times in quick succession. Leonard reached back over for the cup of ice chips and offered them back to Jim. He took them, his hands still shaking.

"What happened to me?" Jim asked after a couple of moments.

Leonard kept his hands on him, hoping that the constant contact would help to keep him calm.

"You had an allergic reaction to the contrast dye. It made it hard for you to breathe. We wanted to flush it from your system as quickly as possible, so we put in the IV for fluids, and that's why you have the catheter, the tube, in your penis…you were unconscious and your body was producing urine. But it worked. The allergic reaction is over, the dye and medication are flushed from your system and you're fine now."

Jim shook his head. "It fucking figures," he mumbled. "A month and a half ago, I was fine. Now, one doctor's appointment, and I've been scanned and holes poked in my liver, problems with sedation, an allergic reaction and cancerous cells. I think I was better off before."

Leonard smiled slightly, reaching to run a hand through Jim's messy hair. As far as coping mechanisms went, dark humor wasn't the worst way to go. "I know it feels that way, Darlin', and you've had some bad luck with things that most people don't have a problem with, but in the end, it's for the best. We can take care of what's wrong now before it gets to be a much bigger problem. So hang in there, okay? We'll be out of here soon."

"Just…promise me no one else is going to do anything to me. No more needles or scans or tests. Just disconnect me and I want to go home."

Leonard nodded. "Okay…we'll get you sorted out and get out of here. In the meantime though, Sam is here. He wants to see you. You up for that?"

"Sam's here? Why?"

Leonard shrugged. "He's your next of kin, and there was some disagreement over who was going to be in charge of your care from now on."

"Disagreement?"

"Nothin' you have to worry about. Sommers didn't think I should be the one making medical calls because of our relationship. I called Sam because I needed his backup."

"Is this going to end up being a problem for you, Bones?" Jim asked quietly.

"No," he said definitively. "It's fine."

Jim looked at him for a moment longer, and Leonard held his gaze firmly, wanting Jim to feel his certainty.

"So…can I bring Sam back to see you?"

"What does he know?" Jim asked, looking away and letting his eyes sweep over the equipment.

Leonard shrugged. "Nothing except why you were unconscious…allergic reaction. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to say anything else."

Jim nodded, biting his lip and looking back up at the equipment that still showed his vitals. Taking the hint, Leonard hit the button to turn the machine off and pulled open the hospital gown and to remove the leads from Jim's chest. Jim pulled the pulse oximeter off of his finger and handed it to Leonard.

"The IV," Jim said. "And the – the tube."

Leonard hesitated. He knew Jim didn't want anyone else to do anything to him, but it'd been a long time since he'd removed a Foley catheter.

"I'll do the IV right now, but the catheter is going to have to wait for a few minutes," Leonard said. He didn't give Jim a chance to question him, pulling on gloves right away, picking up a piece of gauze, and reaching for Jim's arm. To his surprise, Jim stiffened and seemed to pull away from him slightly.

"Jim?"

"Sorry," Jim said tightly. "It's just…you're…safe. I don't want anyone else to do anything to me, but I don't want you to do it either. I don't know…I'm being stupid."

"You're not," Bones said. "I understand. Do you want me to get someone else? One of the nurses?"

"No," Jim said after a moment. He held out his arm, forcing himself to relax his fists. "You do it."

"Okay." Leonard quickly removed the IV, pressing the gauze over the area and covering it with a band aid. "You're all done. That's everything, except for the catheter, and we'll deal with that after Sam has a chance to see you're okay. So let's cover you up good so he doesn't notice it."

Jim nodded gratefully, loving Bones even more for understanding and knowing what to do to make him feel better without making him say it. He shifted uncomfortably, unused to the feeling of the catheter threaded into his bladder and he had a brief flash of incredible self-consciousness that made him flush to the roots of his hair at the thought of who'd done that to him as he lay exposed and unconscious.

God, hospitals sucked. Nothing ever changed. Leonard could say things were his choice all he wanted, but in the end they still did whatever they wanted to you.

"You okay?" Leonard asked.

Jim couldn't meet his eyes, but nodded, silently cursing his fair coloring. He did his best to push those feelings away and focus. He didn't want Sam worrying about him and he knew he had to keep it together in front of him. He did not want his older brother knowing how much being here bothered him.

"Alright…I'm going to go get Sam. Be right back."

"Okay."

Thankfully, Jim didn't have to wait long before Bones was back, pulling the curtain open to admit them.

"Jim…man…you okay?" Sam asked, moving to Jim's bed as his eyes roved over his brother and the area, taking in the way he looked and silent, dark equipment, and something in him relaxed slightly.

"Yeah, yeah…I'm fine. Stupid allergy, that's all," he replied, pasting a smirk on his face and sounding like it was nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

"Leonard didn't tell me…why were you having a CT. Are you okay?" Sam asked. Jim could hear and see the worry, and he knew that Sam was remembering the way their mother got the news that she was sick.

Jim paused, actually not sure about the answer to the question about whether or not he was okay. He didn't even know if the CT scan was finished after he was unconscious. Jim looked at Leonard, and he understood the question in Jim's eyes.

"The CT is just a normal procedure when someone is going to have surgery, just to get a good picture of the area to plan the surgery. Everything else looked good," Leonard said.

"Yeah?" Jim checked, hopefully.

Leonard gave a small smile. "Yeah," he confirmed.

"So…wow. All this fuss to get a picture of your guts," Sam said, the worry in his voice lessening. "You always need to be at the center of attention."

Jim gave him a smile and shrugged. "It's what I do."

Sam shook his head in amusement. "So when are they letting you out?"

"Well, all the paperwork has to be processed…and there's a lot when someone has to go and have an allergic reaction like that. It'll be a couple of hours yet," Leonard said.

Jim rolled his eyes good-naturedly at his brother. "I'll talk them into hurrying up," he said.

Sam smiled. "Well…do you want me to stay?" he asked. "Aurelan's got the kids…I can wait here."

"Nah," Jim replied. "Bones and I will be going home and I'm fine. Really, just a bit tired."

"I can pick Jo up on our way," Leonard said.

"Or she can stay with us – that's perfectly fine, too," Sam said. "She could even stay over. We don't have any plans tomorrow."

"Thanks, Sam. I'll call and touch base when we're on our way, but I may take you up on that."

Sam said his goodbyes, leaning over to kiss his brother's forehead. "Alright. Love ya man. Don't cause too much trouble."

"I'll try," Jim said. He kept a smile on his face until Leonard walked Sam out of the curtained area, then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was grateful beyond description that Bones had disconnected him from the monitoring equipment. He hated having all the stress he was feeling displayed on the screen for everyone to see. He couldn't act like he was fine if he could hear the proof of how unsettled…scared…he was constantly beeping in his ears.

"Mr. Kirk," a female voice startled him out of his thoughts and he looked up quickly at the nurse who had come into the curtained area. "I see we're getting you ready to get out of here, so let's get that catheter out," she said.

"What?" Jim said, clutching the blanket and pulling it up slightly. "No…Bones, uh, Dr. McCoy is going to do it."

The nurse looked at him over her shoulder as she washed her hands at the sink and gave him a small smile.

"Doctors don't generally remove Foley catheters from patients, Mr. Kirk," she said. She dried her hands and pulled on a pair of gloves. "I know it's uncomfortable, but I'll be quick and then we'll be able to get you on your way."

Jim swallowed and felt his heart begin to race in his chest. "No," he said again. "Dr. McCoy is a friend of mine. He's just walking my brother out – he'll be right back." He pushed himself back against the pillow without even realizing what he was doing, pulling the blanket higher up on himself. He watched as she pretty much ignored him, gathering the materials she was going to need on a tray that she put by his bedside.

"Okay, we'll get this done so he can sign your discharge papers right away. So, Mr. Kirk, let's pull down that blanket-"

Jim felt a burst of anger and frustration that momentarily blanked out the embarrassment and discomfort. "NO!" Jim shouted, leaning away from her. "I said no! Are you deaf or just an idiot?"

"Hey!" Leonard said angrily, pulling the curtain back. "What's with the yelling? There are other people in here trying to rest!" He looked from the obviously irate nurse to Jim, who was sitting stiffly, his hands grasping the blanket tightly enough to whiten his knuckles. Jim looked simultaneously relieved and annoyed…not great, but at least he wasn't panicked. Apparently he was too annoyed to be panicked.

"Thank god," Jim said crossly. "Would you tell her that she is not going to be doing anything to me please. I don't seem to be getting the message across."

Leonard looked at Jim in surprise. He wasn't accustomed to this angry, aggressive side of his personality. It was a defense, he knew, against what scared him the most: having things done to him without his permission. The powerlessness of it, especially in this setting, where his unfamiliarity fed his fear.

Leonard turned his attention back to the nurse who was pulling off her gloves.

"I got this, Lisa," he said, pulling her name out of his memory of their brief introduction earlier. "Sorry."

The nurse rolled her eyes, still annoyed by Jim's attitude, but slightly mollified by the fact that Leonard took the time to learn her name and call her something other than "nurse".

"No problem," she said coolly. "I'm around if you need me."

"Thanks," Leonard said. He waited until Lisa left the area before turning back to Jim and sitting on the rolling stool near his bedside.

"You okay?" he asked, reaching for Jim's hands and urging him to relax his grip on the blanket.

Jim bit his lip and blinked quickly. "No," he admitted after a moment. "I  _hate_ this." He looked up at Leonard, and dashed a hand across his eyes. "Can we please just do this so we can get the hell out of here?"

Leonard nodded, eyes sympathetic. "Yeah. Let's get you lying down a bit more." Jim nodded and Leonard adjusted the bed, then went to wash his hands and pull on gloves. He pulled the blankets down, past Jim's waist. "Alright. This isn't going to be the most comfortable thing, but just relax and breathe and I'll be done in just a few seconds."

Jim didn't answer, but lay stiffly, one hand locked around a guardrail, the other gripping the pillow under his head, his fair complexion flushed as his body trembled in fits. Leonard could see the tension in his muscles in his arms, and he hesitated before pushing the gown out of the way.

"Jim, try to relax Darlin'," Leonard said, gently grasping Jim's hip.

"Bones, I can't fucking relax until this damn thing is out of me," he said, his shaking voice belying the angry words. Jim kept his head back, and eyes closed, refusing to look at Leonard as his flush became more pronounced.

"I know it's hard, but it'll be easier if you can make your muscles loose. Don't hold your breath…breathe deeply…that's it."

Leonard spoke quietly and calmly to him the whole time, letting him know what he was doing without giving him too much information, knowing that he didn't really want to hear it. Jim jerked slightly and grimaced in discomfort as Leonard began the process of removing the catheter.

He did his best to follow Leonard's instructions, but he tensed up automatically at the feel of the tube being drawn out of him. It didn't hurt all that much, just burned a bit, but it was uncomfortable and he couldn't stop himself from shifting his hips slightly.

"Almost done, Jim. Hang in there and stay still for me."

Jim nodded, biting his lip and turning his head.

 

* * *

 

Jim leaned his head back on the headrest, closing his eyes. The sun was low in the sky and the crescent moon was already visible.

Eleven hours.

They'd spent eleven hours in the damn hospital because of a scan that should've taken minutes. Scheduled for nine in the morning, he and Bones should've been done and on their home by eleven at the latest. Now, it was nearly eight at night. They'd lost a whole day. And on top of that, he still felt like shit. Oh, he said he was fine, and definitely acted like it, because he wasn't going to do or say anything that would make Bones even think about him needing to stay there any longer, but his head was pounding and his stomach – his whole body actually – still felt shaky.

This was ridiculous. He had to do something to get himself under control. A while ago, he'd told Bones he would talk to Chris about it. He hadn't been sure he really meant it then. But his experience today, and the memory of how…terrifyingly…out of control he'd felt – it was enough to make him think he really should get some help.

If only it was as easy as that.

"Well, Joanna's gonna stay at Sam's," Leonard said, opening the driver's side door and sliding in behind the wheel.

"Oh…I thought we were going to get her," Jim said.

"That's what I'd planned, but she didn't want to. She asked if she could stay. Apparently they're making cupcakes."

Jim smiled. "Well, us or cupcakes…that's a no-brainer."

"I'm just so grateful that Sam and Aurelan don't mind having her so often. I feel bad that we don't take Janie as often."

"Don't worry about it Bones," Jim said, reaching over and laying his hand on Bones' thigh with easy familiarity. "It's a lot easier for them. Aurelan's home all day, and her schedule is a lot more flexible, too. We can make a point to take Janie, and maybe Kimmie too, next weekend."

"That's a good idea," Leonard said. "Let's plan on that." He glanced over at Jim with a clinical eye. "How're you feeling?"

"I feel fine, Bones. So much better now that we're out of there. I can't believe we've only been there since this morning. I feel like it's been days. By the way, I am  _never_ doing anything like that damn CT scan again. Ever."

"It was the contrast dye you had a problem with, Jim. You will never have that again, that's for sure. But the CT scan itself wasn't the problem."

Jim shrugged, willing to let it go for now. Arguing over stuff like that never mattered. But he knew he was never doing that again. End of story. He changed the subject instead.

"So, what do you think I should do about the position?"

It took Leonard a second to make that leap in conversation. Jim had a habit of picking up a thread of discussion with no warning, but after all this time he was getting used to it. 

Jim had been offered a position with the San Francisco Unified School District as a specialized Guidance Counselor. He would travel to public schools within the district that needed extra help, either because of simple overcrowding or because of a more focused issue. The position would make use of the skills that came with his Master's and his Ph.D., and it was closer to what he wanted to do.

It should have been a simple "yes" – but nothing was ever simple. The position would start at the beginning of the new semester, after Christmas break – which meant he'd have to leave McKinley, his class, Nyota – in the middle of the year.

"It's a really good opportunity…and it's closer to what you want. And, I think you'd be amazing at it," Leonard said sincerely. He looked over at Jim, who was staring out the windshield thoughtfully. "What do you think you should do?"

"Professionally, I think I should take it," Jim answered immediately. "Personally…I hate the idea of leaving my kids in the middle of the year like that. I hate breaking my agreement. The Board agreed to it on Nyota's recommendation, and I hate leaving her in a lurch like that. And…I hate the idea of anyone thinking that I've left because of any of the shit they tried to stir up."

Leonard nodded. All relevant concerns. All things to consider. But there's was one thing Leonard didn't think Jim should worry about when making his decision.

"Those are all good points, except for the last one. You shouldn't ever have to leave McKinley because of the idiots who are trying to cause trouble, but you shouldn't decide to stay there because of them either. You do what  _you_ want. To hell with everyone else," Leonard said.

Jim looked over at him and smiled slightly, the feeling of having someone in his corner, no matter what, was really appreciated.

"Well," Jim said. "It's the first week of October. I have until the seventeenth to tell them one way or the other, and that'll give Nyota a little more than two months to find someone to replace me. That's long enough, right?"

"Oh, definitely. More than enough," Leonard said. "If you decide to go, what do you think will happen with the financial agreement you have?"

Jim bit his lip and shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose I'll have to pay it back somehow. Or maybe something can be negotiated with the School District….like, instead of benefits pay the financial assistance I've accepted back. I don't know. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."

Leonard nodded. He knew what he wanted to suggest. He'd pay it back for Jim in a heartbeat, so that he could be officially debt-free without sacrificing his benefits. Jim could pay him back over time. But he wasn't sure how he would take that suggestion, and there was really no reason to bring it up now, before Jim was really sure about what he wanted to do. There were more important things to consider first.

He reached over and took Jim's hand, giving him a squeeze. "It's your decision, Jim. Personally, I think it's a fantastic first step into what you want your career to be. And, like I said, I think you're perfect for it. And obviously, so do a lot of other people. And, honestly, I really think Nyota will understand. But whatever you decide, you've got my support."

"Thanks, Bones. That does mean a lot," Jim said.

They drove in silence for a few minutes, until Leonard turned onto the main surface road that would bring them to their neighborhood.

"Feel like eating?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah, I could eat," Jim said after a moment. He'd felt better and better the further they got from the hospital, and he hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. "What do we have at home? Or, want to stop somewhere and get something?"

"We've got the stuff for chicken and pasta with vegetables, or I can make soup and sandwiches, and we're also two minutes from that Chinese place you like so much. How's your stomach feeling?"

"Good," Jim said. "I feel much better than I did earlier. Let's just get home. If you cook for me, I'll do something nice for you later."

Leonard looked over at him and grinned at the suggestive tone. "I sincerely doubt you're feeling completely up to anything…strenuous…tonight."

Jim just shrugged. "Hey, I'm creative. It doesn't have to be strenuous for  _me_."

Leonard flushed and Jim chuckled, and it was easy to push everything else away and focus on them, together, now.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home from the hospital, Jim and Leonard talk about the upcoming surgery, and Jim takes the steps to get some help. He also makes a career decision, and it's Halloween!

By the time they got home, Jim was fading fast.  _And_ _no wonder_ , Leonard thought. After everything he'd been through today it was pretty amazing he'd been as awake and alert as he was the whole drive home.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Jim said as they entered the dark, quiet apartment.

"Okay. I'll make dinner and I'll bring it in to you," Leonard said.

Jim turned, smiling, and slipped into Leonard's arms and pressed against him, sighing in contentment against his neck. Leonard was surprised to suddenly find himself with his arms full, but he rallied quickly. He tightened his arms around him, bringing one hand up to Jim's head, his fingers sliding through his hair.

"You're going to bring me dinner in bed," Jim repeated.

Leonard wasn't sure if Jim was asking something or what, so he just shrugged slightly.

"Yeah, you're still hungry, right? And you're wrung out, so just go relax and I'll meet you there."

Jim raised his head and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Okay, thanks."

"Of course," Leonard replied.

Jim pulled away and Leonard watched him head down the hallway, slightly perplexed. It was always threw him when Jim acted as if he were surprised that Leonard not only cared for him, but would take care of him as well. He knew Jim grew up pretty independently because of the situation with his mother and stepfather, but he sometimes forgot how much of an effect that had on the adult he'd become.

He dropped his keys on the sidetable and toed off his shoes, and then made his way into the kitchen. He was pretty hungry too, so he set to work quickly. Jim really had looked exhausted, and he didn't think he'd be awake very long after the shower. Bypassing the suggestions he'd made in the car, he settled for making a couple of tuna melt sandwiches, split a pear between the two of them, and added a couple of chocolate kisses to their plates. Comfort food seemed like a good idea today.

Carefully carrying the two plates and their drinks, he pushed open the door to their bedroom. Jim wasn't out of the bathroom yet, so Leonard took advantage of the couple of minutes to turn down the bed and change.

"Hey, what'd you make?" Jim asked, coming out of the bathroom with a towel slung around his waist.

"Just tuna melts. Is that okay?"

"Perfect," Jim said sincerely, dropping the towel and slipping into boxers. "I love tuna melts."

They settled into bed, plates on their laps, propped up against the headboard. Leonard turned on the rarely-used television set and handed Jim the remote, not really caring what they watched. He found a channel with a cooking competition that made the contestants use weird and mismatched ingredients for each course of a meal, and they entertained each other by making suggestions and guess which contestant would be dismissed after each round while they ate.

When they were finished eating, Leonard took their plates and brought them out to the kitchen and turned off lights on his way back to the room. What he saw when he got there pulled at his heart and made him smile. Jim was still leaning against the pillows on the headboard, but was slumped down slightly, his eyes nearly closed as he stubbornly held onto consciousness till the end of the show.

Leonard turned off the lights so that the glow of the tv was the only source of light in the room, and he slipped back into bed next to him. That roused Jim enough to move close to Leonard, resting his head on his chest as Leonard slipped an arm around Jim's shoulders.

"Ready to go to sleep?" Leonard asked.

Jim shook his head. "Want to see who's gonna win first," he said.

Leonard rolled his eyes, but settled down, holding Jim tightly. He brushed his lips against Jim's head as he felt him inhale deeply and press further against his side, wrapping an arm around Leonard's midsection and giving him a squeeze. After a few minutes, Jim was so still and so quiet, Leonard thought he'd drifted off. He idly drew his fingers through the blonde hair, eyes on the tv, though he wasn't really watching it as the judges deliberated over the desserts the contestants made.

"Bones…" Jim said quietly, his hand closing into a fist in Leonard's t-shirt.

"You okay?" he asked, surprised to hear Jim's voice. "Do you need anything?"

Jim sighed and turned his head so his face was pressed against his chest.

"Jim?"

"I can't do it," Jim said, so lowly that Leonard almost didn't hear him.

Leonard closed his eyes for a moment, his hand stilling in Jim's hair, hoping that he wasn't referring to what he thought he was.

"Can't do what, Darlin'?" he asked.

Jim turned his head back, resting his cheek against Leonard's chest, silent for a couple of seconds.

"I – I just  _can't_. I can't let someone cut into me, and I can't be there and have people be touching me, sticking tubes in me…drugging me. Bones, I just _can't._ I can't do it."

Leonard sighed and bit back his immediate, nearly uncontrollable reaction of  _But you_  have  _to!_ Jim wasn't saying this to be obstinate. He wasn't being purposefully difficult. He genuinely felt like he could not do it. Leonard didn't understand, not completely, but he could empathize with some of what he was feeling.

"I know," Leonard said quietly. "It's hard for you to trust putting yourself in someone else's hands."

Jim shifted uncomfortably, unaccustomed to hearing the things he generally kept to himself spoken aloud.

"It's okay," Leonard whispered, feeling Jim tense against him. "I can understand that – you  _know_ I can understand that."

"Yeah," Jim replied after a moment. "I know."

"But you also know," Leonard continued, "that some of what you're feeling is irrational. Nervousness is natural. Hell, anyone with a modicum of sense is nervous about stuff like this. But, Jim, this isn't an option. That cyst  _has_ to come out," Leonard said, firmly but gently. "You're not sick now, but if it's left in you, you will get sick."

"You don't know that for sure," Jim said. "There's no guarantee."

"Yes, Jim, there is. That cyst has cancerous cells and it's sitting on your liver. It has to come out before your liver gets involved."

"Bones, you don't understand," Jim said, a pleading tone coming into his voice. He closed his eyes and sighed, resting his head against Leonard's chest. Jim tightened his arms around him automatically, for comfort, for strength. "I  _can't_. Please, Bones…can we just wait for a while?"

Leonard sighed and shifted to lie on his side, and Jim shifted too. They lay face to face, still holding each other, though Jim kept his eyes averted, not looking at Leonard. In the background, the tv continued to drone on quietly.

"It was so awful," Jim whispered. "So...terrifying. There's no way to describe how it feels to not be able to breathe like that. And I was so afraid I wasn't going to wake up again…and you held me down, Bones. By my shoulders. And then, when I was just laying there…unconscious…someone stripped me, shoved a tube where it should never go…" Jim stopped and swallowed hard, shuddering, even the memory of everything enough to make his heart race. "I can't do it again. I can't. I thought I could get through it, but I  _can't_."

Leonard sighed and rubbed Jim's back comfortingly, sliding his hand up to gently squeeze the back of his neck, and tenderly cup his head. Leonard pressed a kiss to the crown of Jim's head, and then gently urged Jim to look up with a hand under his chin. Jim raised his head, and Leonard kissed him softly. He pulled back and rested his forehead against Jim's.

"Darlin', I am so sorry you had to go through that. That everything had to happen so fast and without any warning or explanation, and without your permission like that. But you were in crisis. That's not how things are usually going to go. And Jim…god, please." He stopped and swallowed and Jim opened his eyes to look at him, surprised to see that Bones' eyes were wet. "I love you…I need you. And if we don't take care of this now, you  _will_ get sick. Now, it's no big deal. But if we wait…"

Leonard stopped again and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"I can't go back to the way it was before you came into my life. I need you to be healthy; I need  _you_. I know it's hard, and I know you're scared, and it's out of your control and you have to trust other people with your well-being…and I  _do_ know how hard that is. But Jim, if you don't…" Leonard's voice cracked, and suddenly it was Jim who was doing the comforting, instead of the one being comforted.

Jim wrapped his arms around Leonard, drawing his head down to rest on his shoulder. Leonard held Jim tightly, almost desperately.

"Please," Leonard said. "Please…I need you to do this, and then it'll be done and we can go back to our lives. But Jim, god, if you don't…"

Jim pressed his lips together, holding Leonard as he felt the emotion throughout his body. And something within Jim clicked. For the first time, he truly understood the concept of living his life with someone else in mind. Leonard had long ago come to terms with it…he'd been living his life for his daughter. But Jim…he was still living for himself. He loved Bones and Joanna, but he had no real responsibility to them. Technically, he could leave tomorrow…if he wanted to.

But in this moment, holding Leonard as he was being held, Jim finally got it. He wasn't living his life alone…the decisions he made weren't just about him anymore.

"Jim…please. I'll do whatever I can to help you…but… _please_."

Jim brushed his hands through Leonard's hair, and gently kissed him, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes.

And he knew that even if he couldn't do it for himself, he would do it for Leonard. For  _them_.

Somehow.

Jim kissed Leonard again, and he responded by tightening his arms around Jim, holding him close.

"Please, Jim," he whispered again.

"Okay."

 

* * *

 

"Hey Chris. How are you?"

"Jim! Good to hear from you," Chris said warmly. "I hear congratulations are in order…you did really well with the challenge to your dissertation. Dr. Kirk….has a nice ring to it."

Jim smiled, some of the tension he'd been feeling relaxing a little. He'd received word that he was being granted his degree just a couple of days ago – he hadn't even mentioned it to Bones yet; with everything that had been going on it seemed kind of inconsequential.

"Yeah, thanks. For everything. I couldn't have done it without you."

"You did it yourself," Chris said. "I'm really proud of you."

They talked for a couple more minutes, Jim filling Chris in on the job offer, and his concern over leaving his position. They talked about Joanna and how she was doing, and Leonard and his work, to the extent that Jim understood it. After a few minutes, Jim starting to bring the conversation back around to the real reason he was calling…and then Chris beat him to it.

"It's really great catching up with you," Chris said. "And I'm thrilled you called. But you don't usually just call. So, tell me, what's up?"

Jim sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. "I…need your help. Again." Reluctantly, Jim explained the medical issue he was facing, the surgery that was looming in his very near future, and why he needed Chris to be his counselor again.

Chris was silent for a moment when Jim finished. Then, "I'm sorry you're dealing with this now, Jim. But I'm glad that it was caught early enough that this is the conversation we're having."

Jim grimaced, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Chris, ya know, I know that's the right way to look at the situation, but…"

"But you're not there yet."

"Not even close."

"Well, let's see what we can do about that."

"When?"

The next day, Chris took a moment to observe the two men sitting together on the couch, and he couldn't help but be reminded of the first time he met Leonard. The feelings were the same…the nervousness, the defensiveness. The difference, though, was who the focus of this meeting was on. Not Leonard this time, but Jim…and for something that Chris had no previous idea of, to his surprise.

Another difference this time was the way Jim was so obviously leaning on Leonard for support, figuratively as well as literally. They sat on the couch together, Leonard's hand on Jim's knee. Jim looked tired, and stressed, and like he didn't want to be here – not something Chris had seen from him in a very long time.

"So…the surgery is scheduled for the beginning of November," Leonard said into the silence. "And we know that's not a lot of time, but it's as long as the doctors think we should wait."

 _Longer actually,_ Leonard thought. But this had been the compromise. Jim needed time to work through some of the issues he had with what was going to happen, and he could safely have about a month.

"Okay," Chris said. "Let's talk about what we can accomplish in the time we have."

Jim sighed and shifted impatiently. "C'mon Chris," he said. "I know as well as you do that this type of…thing…isn't going to go away in such a short time."

"First, let's call it what it is, Jim. It's a phobia. You have a medical phobia." He paused as Jim flushed and looked off to the side. "And you should know that's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Easier said," Jim muttered. Leonard squeezed his knee reassuringly.

"And you're right, it isn't something that can be completely beat in such a short time," Chris continued. "But we can work on some techniques to help you control some of what you feel. We can give you the tools to interrupt the cascade of physical symptoms that come along with, and feed into, the anxiety." His gaze softened, and he looked between Leonard and Jim again. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this at all, but I'm glad you came to me."

Jim looked up and offered him a small smile. "There isn't anyone else I would trust, Chris. I – I'm kinda embarrassed I let it get as far as I did."

Chris gave a small shrug. "You weren't ready."

"I don't feel ready now," Jim admitted in a small voice. Leonard's hand tightened on his and he squeezed back. "But…I don't feel like it's impossible either."

"That's a good place to start," Chris replied.

 

* * *

 

Joanna sat on the counter, her bare feet in the sink resting on either side of the pumpkin that she was currently pulling the guts out of. Reaching into the cavity she scraped along the side, enjoying the juicy squishiness in her hand. She pulled out a fistful of pulp and seeds, and dropped it into the bowl next to her. On the other side of the sink, Uncle Jim was sorting through the guts, pulling out the pumpkin seeds and dropping them in a colander to be washed before they cooked them in the oven for a snack.

Watching him for a second, Jo considered how quiet Uncle Jim was being. He wasn't acting normal…he wasn't joking with her very much, or asking questions, or telling a funny story. He didn't seem angry, and Daddy wouldn't let him out of bed if he was sick, so that wasn't it. He actually seemed kinda…

"Uncle Jim, why are you sad?"

Jim looked up at the little girl in surprise, and after a moment gave her a reassuring smile.

"I'm not sad, Jo. I'm just concentrating…I don't want to miss any seeds!" Jim said, making a goofy face to show how hard he was thinking about those seeds.

Joanna smiled back, playing along…but she thought he was fibbing. She bit her lip and pulled out more guts. Jim came over to her and peered into the pumpkin.

"Good job, sweetie. I'll use a spoon to scrape the sides so you can get the rest of it out easy."

She watched as he reached into the big squash and listened as he went around the inside, scraping the bits that clung to the sides off so she could pull it all out easily.

"There you go…get that bit out, and we'll be all set."

She reached elbow-deep into the pumpkin and pulled out the last few handfuls, dropping them in the bowl. When she was done, Jim took the bowl and started pulling the seeds out before dumping the rest of it in the garbage can.

Joanna waited, watching him for a minute.

"Are you sad about school?" she asked suddenly.

Jim froze for a second, then slowly looked up at Jo, his eyes narrowed slightly, barely containing a smile. She was an adorable, sticky mess, and she looked so concerned.

"Why do you think I'm sad about school?" Jim asked, having a pretty good idea already. He watched as her eyes widened and a flush colored her cheeks.

"Um…" she looked down, avoiding Jim's gaze, and he rolled his eyes.

"Were you listening to your dad's and my conversation again?" Jim asked, trying to catch her eyes. This eavesdropping in doorways was a fairly recent development, and they were trying to break her of the habit. "Joanna?" Jim prompted.

"I didn't mean to!" she said, looking up with eyes shining innocence. "You were in the kitchen and I was in the family room and I could just hear you."

"Hm," Jim said, going back to sorting through the guts. "Okay – but you know what we said about eavesdropping, right?"

"That it's rude," Joanna said quickly.

"That's right," Jim said. "It is rude, and you're not a rude girl are you?"

"No," she said. "I'm not. But I didn't on purpose this time. I promise."

"Okay," Jim said again, turning on the water over the pumpkin seeds and giving them a good wash. "There were a lot of seeds in this pumpkin, weren't there?"

"So are you? Sad about school?" Joanna asked again after a few seconds.

Jim sighed and looked over at her with a fond smile. She was proving to be just as single-minded and stubborn as her father. He took a cloth out of a drawer and wetted it, moving to wipe her down, starting with her hands.

"I'm not sad exactly," Jim said. "But sometimes when things change, even when it's a good change that you're excited about, you can feel a little…mixed up. Happy about what is coming, but a little worried about what's being left behind. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," Joanna said, nodding. "It's like when we moved. Mostly I was excited, but sometimes I was scared or sad at first. Not now, though. Now everything is good."

"Yeah?" Jim asked with a smile, urging her to turn on the counter so that he could clean her legs and feet of pumpkin juice. "You think everything is good now?"

"Yup!" she said, smiling at him. "Cause we found you!"

Jim smiled widely and blinked quickly, feeling how much he cared about the little girl in front of him so deeply it made him speechless.

"I think you're right about that," Jim said. He lifted her down from the counter. "Go tell your dad we're ready to carve the pumpkin, okay?"

"Okay! We're going to make it scary, right?" she asked as she headed out of the kitchen

"Really scary!" Jim promised after her.

Turning back to the hollowed out pumpkin, he lifted it out of the sink and absentmindedly wiped it down too.  _Joanna is one sensitive, perceptive little girl,_ Jim thought. He was a little sad, and worried…and undeniably excited. Because he'd finally made his decision, and yesterday he'd told Nyota. It was a difficult conversation, but Jim knew he was making the right choice, and Nyota was disappointed, but understanding. He'd told her a couple of weeks later than he'd intended, but she still had plenty of time – all of November and December – to find someone to take over his class at the beginning of the second semester.

It had not been an easy decision for him. He knew what he'd  _wanted_  to do, but he'd struggled with it. Bones had helped…so much. He listened to Jim go back and forth, rationalize one option and then the next. And for a while Jim would settle on one course of action, and the next day change his mind. He didn't know how he'd not driven Bones crazy. He drove  _himself_ crazy.

_"Whatever you decide, Jim, it's not going to be an easy decision. But what matters is that what you choose makes you feel-"_

_"Happiest," Jim said with a sigh. "Yeah, I know."_

_"No, that's not what I was going to say," Leonard said. "You need to do what's going to make you feel like you're doing what you're here to do." Standing in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, Leonard studied Jim for a second and then stepped close to him, drawing him into his arms. "Whatever you decide, I'm behind you completely. But make sure your decision is for you…not for anyone else."_

So…he was leaving McKinley. He was actually going to do it – and take the county job as a specialized Guidance Counselor.

And he was excited, and nervous, and a little sad…and completely sure that his decision was bringing him one step closer to doing what he was here to do.

"I hear we have a pumpkin ready for some carving!" Leonard said, coming into the kitchen. He carried Jo over his shoulder as she giggled happily.

"Yup!" Jim replied, setting the pumpkin down on the kitchen table. "Let's see how scary we can make it."

"Next we can work on our costumes," Joanna said. "I can't wait for trick-or-treating tomorrow!"

 

* * *

 

"I cannot believe I'm doing this," Leonard grumbled as Jim smeared green make-up on him. Leonard flinched reflexively away from the cold, wet feel of the applicator sponge against his skin.

Jim's eyes traveled over Bones, taking in his outfit and partially-done make-up, and didn't even bother to try to hide his amusement.

"Oh, come on. You're telling me you've never dressed up for Halloween?" he asked.

"Not since I was eleven," Leonard replied, grimacing at the feel of the make-up.

Jim smiled slightly and placed a steadying hand around the back of Leonard's neck. "Hold still, Bones. I want to make sure I do this right."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Like you can dress up as a fictional monster  _wrong_ somehow," he said, but stood still, closing his eyes.

Jim chuckled and finished spreading the make-up over his face, then used a make-up pencil to define some lines on his newly-green skin, and finally had him open his mouth so that he could apply the dark, dark red make-up to the inner edges of Bones' lips.

"Okay," Jim murmured, taking in a moment to observe the full effect of the make-up, the hair, and the slightly (purposefully) ratty clothes. "Take a look."

Bones turned to look in the mirror…and was somewhat surprised. Jim had done a good job of making him into Frankenstein's monster, and he quirked a smile in spite of himself.

"Not bad," Leonard said, and Jim smiled brightly…the effect somewhat ruined by his paled skin, darkly-lined eyes and blood-red lips with a couple of droplets painted down his chin. In his long-sleeved white shirt and dark-red cape, he made a good Dracula. "You look good too," he said, reaching out to tug on the edge of Jim's cape.

"We did a pretty good job pulling together costumes for about fifty bucks," Jim agreed. They'd taken Joanna browsing through second hand stores one afternoon, looking for cheap finds they could transform into what they each wanted their costumes to be, and the end result, with a little bit of make-up, was surprisingly effective. Leonard and Jim exited their room and headed to the family room. Leonard knocked on Jo's door as they passed.

"You two almost ready to go?" he asked.

"Almost, Daddy!" Jo replied.

"We'll be right out," Sarah added.

Tonight was Halloween, and this year it fell on a Saturday. It was Joanna's first Halloween that she was going to participate in with the full trick-or-treat activities, and she was beyond excited. Aurelan and Sam had invited them to join their family for trick-or-treating in their neighborhood, and then to their kid-friendly Halloween party. At Joanna's request, Sarah was going to join them for a while before leaving for her own activities. But first, Sarah was helping Jo with her costume. They knew what she was going to dress up as in general, but they weren't allowed to see her until she was all done. While they waited for the girls, Jim packaged up the brownies that Leonard had made while he brought some of the other things Aurelan had asked them to bring to the car.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Joanna called, skipping down the hall with Sarah following behind her. Jim broke into a smile when he saw her. In her black dress that was dusted with red glitter, purple tights, pointy hat and her lightly greened skin, she made the cutest little witch he'd ever seen.

"You look great Jo!" he exclaimed.

"Sarah did my hair and my make-up," she said, turning so he could see the teased out frizz. "Didn't she do great? And look…she's a black cat!"

"Yes she did," he said, catching Sarah's eyes with a wink. Sarah had chosen a simple ensemble of black clothes, a cat tail, cat ears, and make-up whiskers and prettily accented eyes. She smiled and shrugged slightly.

"You look great too, Jim!" she said. "Oh, wow…and you too, Mr. McCoy!" Sarah said, as Leonard came back into the house.

"Daddy?" Joanna said, obviously surprised at his transformation. "Wow…you're a monster!"

Leonard smiled and nodded. "Did Uncle Jim do a good job with my make-up?" he asked, coming over to her.

" _Yes,_ " she said emphatically. "I've never seen you dress up before!"

"Well, you guys convinced me. Are we ready to go?"

"Yes! Let's go! I don't want to miss the trick-or-treating! I'm gonna get so much candy!"

"Oh, good," Leonard muttered under his breath, following Joanna and Sarah out to the car while Jim chuckled beside him.

The Kirk household was transformed for Halloween, inside and out. They'd gone all out, decorating with everything from cobwebs and spiders to a fog machine and low lighting, creating an eerie ambiance. Aurelan greeted them at the door in her costume, causing Jim to blink in surprise.

"Hi everyone! Oh, my goodness! Wow…great costumes! I love them! Hi Sarah! I'm so glad you could come."

"Hey sis…" Jim said slowly, eyeing her, rendered almost speechless by the way she was dressed. "What…?"

Aurelan laughed as she stepped aside, inviting them in to the house. "Guess what I am!" she said.

Leonard, Jim, Sarah and Joanna considered her for a long moment, taking in the all-pink ensemble…pink shoes, pants, shirt, pink make-up on her face, her head was wrapped turban-like in a pink towel…and on top of the towel was a sneaker, secured by glue or some other means.

"Uh…are you…gum stuck on the bottom of someone's shoe?" Sarah asked uncertainly.

"That's it exactly! What do you think? Like it?"

Leonard shook his head in amusement and Joanna nodded enthusiastically.

"I really like it!" Joanna said. "Is Janie here?"

"Very creative," Jim agreed.

"Thanks! She's upstairs, Jo. Can you do me a favor and tell her and Kimmie to come on down so we can get going?"

"Yup!" Joanna said. "Daddy can you hold my broomstick and my pail please? C'mon Sarah."

Leonard took the items and Joanna hurried up the stairs, Sarah in tow.

"Can we do anything to help?" Jim asked. "Where's Sam?"

"Oh…um…yes, let me just…" she trailed off, and Leonard and Jim followed Aurelan into the house to help with last minute preparations before leaving to raid the neighborhood for candy.

Later on, walking together as a group through the Kirk's neighborhood, the adults watched as Janie and Kimmie, costumed as a ballerina and Hermione Granger respectively, happily ran up to each of the houses, knocked on the door, and loudly demand a treat at the threat of a trick. Sam, dressed as a court jester, hung back to watch them carefully as the group strolled along. There were a lot of families out tonight…kids everywhere, and not all of them were with adults. Leonard noticed how Jim stayed close to Joanna, and kept his eyes on her, even though she never strayed from the group.

Although initially excited about the prospect of going trick-or-treating for the first time, Joanna was overcome with shyness at the prospect of knocking on doors and asking strangers for candy, so she hung back with the adults, holding Sarah's hand as she watched the sisters run unhesitatingly up to door after door.

"I'll come with you," Sarah said quietly, bending to whisper to her and giving Joanna's little hand a squeeze. Leonard and Jim exchanged a glance over their heads, waiting to see what would happen. She bit her lip and shook her head. Sarah wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a little hug. "What if I say 'trick-or-treat' for you? Want to try that?"

Joanna considered that for a moment. "Not with Janie and Kimmie."

"No? Okay…want to try…that house? That looks like a good one," Sarah suggested. It took another second, but Joanna finally nodded. "Yeah? Okay…"

With a quick smile at Leonard, Sarah led Joanna across the street to a house that didn't have any other kids on the doorstep at the moment.

Jim leaned into Leonard and brushed his shoulder with his own. "She's so good with her," Jim said. "Is she sure she wants to be a marine biologist?"

Leonard looked over at him with a fond smile. "You want to try to recruit her into your ranks?"

"Maybe. Can't be too many of us."

"Mmm-hmm," Leonard replied, watching as Sarah knocked on the door and Joanna stood slightly behind her. Sarah and Jo rejoined the rest of the group as they continued down the street knocking on doors. Gradually, with Sarah by her side, Jo became slightly bolder, joining Kimmie and Janie at each house. She stayed quiet, but she had fun, and before the night was over all three girls had enough candy to guarantee sugar highs for a year.

 

* * *

 

"Oh, god, I'm never gonna get this stuff off," Leonard grumbled, rubbing at his face with a wet washcloth. He stood shirtless in the bathroom, studying himself in the mirror. He shifted his gaze to glare at Jim as he came in to the bathroom behind him. "I thought you said this would come right off."

"All the candy is sorted. I threw out everything that could've been opened. And it will…what are you using?" Jim asked, peering over his shoulder. He smiled at Leonard's streaky green face. "Missed a spot."

Leonard rolled his eyes and turned to level a glare at him. "Ya think? And how much did you eat? You've got chocolate on the side of your mouth."

Jim's smile widened and he tugged the washcloth out of Leonard's hands. His gaze softened as Leonard reached up to cup Jim's face, wiping a wet finger over Jim's lips and over his cheek through the white make-up that still paled his skin.

"You've got to get cleaned up, too," Leonard said, moving closer to Jim. Jim's eyes crinkled and he leaned forward to brush their lips together.

"Yeah, I do. But you should go first…you're dripping green water everywhere," Jim said, kissing Leonard again.

Leonard smiled and shook his head, reaching up to run his wet hands through Jim's hair, mussing it from the Dracula style. He kissed Jim again, moving closer to him, pressing their bodies together. Jim wrapped his arms around Leonard's shoulders pulling him close, and opened to him, deepening the kiss. Leonard slid his hands down Jim's body, stopping at the waistband of his pants and pulled on his shirt, untucking it and moving his hands underneath to find warm skin. He smiled when Jim grunted in ticklishness, his muscles rippling in response to Leonard's touch.

"You lock the door?" Leonard asked.

"Mmm-hmm." Jim responded, backing away slightly to unbutton and unzip Leonard's pants. He pushed them down Leonard's hips as he undid the buttons on Jim's shirt. Kissing, undressing each other, they dropped pieces of clothes on the bathroom floor as they moved towards the shower together. Jim broke the kiss and turned away from Leonard to adjust the water and remove the rest of clothes.

Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim's chest from behind and Jim reached back to hold his head, threading his fingers through Leonard's hair. Leonard pressed his face to Jim's neck, smearing him with green make-up. He closed his eyes, just relishing the feel of Jim's body pressed against his, the strength under his hands.

"C'mon," Jim said, after a moment. "Let's get this stuff off us. It's starting to make me itchy."

"You're not having an allergic reaction are you?" Leonard asked, turning to peer at Jim closely.

Jim chuckled and shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

Despite his denial, Leonard quickly stepped into the shower and moved out of the way so that Jim could be under the water first. Tipping his head up to let the water fall over his face, Jim felt Leonard moving around him, then and stood still with his eyes closed letting Leonard use a washcloth to clean his face.

"Okay, I think I got it all," Leonard said after a few moments. Jim wiped a hand over his face, opened his eyes and turned them, putting Leonard under the water and taking the washcloth from him.

Once the water ran clear, they took turns soaping each other up, running their hands over each other's bodies, the mood shifting from the quiet laziness as they cleaned up to more teasing touches meant to further arouse. Jim gasped against Leonard's shoulder when he took Jim's length in hand, gently stroking with a grip made slippery with the soap and water.

"Bones," Jim groaned. "So good." Jim raised his head to catch Leonards' lips in a heated kiss. "Let's finish up in here," Jim said after a moment. "And get to bed."


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up from where Jim and Bones left off, it is then Bones' turn to help Jim through a nightmare. Monday, Nyota deals with Elizabeth Dehner, and Jim finishes his preparations.

They stepped out of the shower, tender touches and tender kisses keeping them connected as they took turns drying each other off. Leonard's hands skated down Jim's sides to his hips, gripping him tightly as he kissed down Jim's neck. Closing his eyes with a sigh, Jim tilted his head to the side and squeezed Leonard's shoulders, sliding his hands around his back.

"Bones…" Jim murmured, a shiver going through his body as Leonard again gently gripped Jim's erection, precum moistening the tip as he circled the head with the pad of his thumb. Jim opened his eyes and smiled at Leonard, sliding a hand up to the back of his head, threading his fingers through the still-damp hair. Jim kissed him, a demanding, lust-filled kiss and Leonard responded to him. "Mmm…bed," Jim said. "Now."

Laying together, moving together, they held each other tightly. The world narrowed to the bed, and each other, the quiet of their space broken only by their gasps and soft moans. So overwhelmed by the intensity of feeling, Leonard closed his eyes and pressed his head against the pillow, arching his body as Jim stroked him slowly with a firm grip. Leonard shuddered, his hands tightening on Jim's arms as he groaned and thrust into Jim's grip. Looking down at Leonard, he drank in the expression on his face…kissed him, taking Leonard's gasped moans into himself.

"Jim," Leonard said hoarsely, arching against him again. "Please."

Jim thrust into him, keeping his movements slow and measured, drawing the intense pleasure out until they were both shaking and breathing harshly, the air between them warm and heady. Leonard arched again, holding Jim's shoulders and Jim dropped his head down to gasp against Leonard's neck, mouthing and kissing the sensitive area. Jim could feel that he wasn't going to last much longer, and gave in to the overwhelming urge to thrust harder. Leonard squeezed his eyes closed and keened, and came so hard he saw stars. Jim thrust again as Leonard's body shook through his orgasm, and then he stilled pressed deep inside him, his own orgasm hitting him hard and forcing a sobbing gasp out of him.

Breathing hard, his arms shaking, Jim carefully lowered himself down and kissed Leonard softly.

"Bones," Jim whispered against his lips.

Leonard opened his eyes and looked into the clear blue gazing back at him. He raised his head off the pillow to catch Jim in another kiss as he shifted slightly, moving to the side. Jim shifted with him and put his leg over Leonard's hip to draw himself as close to Leonard as possible. Wrapped in each other's arms, their breathing slowing and syncing together, languid sleepiness crept over them and gently pulled, taking them down.

 _Lights…bright lights. Lots of really loud voices yelling all at once, clamoring to be heard over each other, none of them saying_  anything  _he understood. Crying, screaming, struggling, pain ripped through his belly, his arm, his head and neck…and he was gasping and couldn't breathe, and something was holding him down and he struggled against it. The panic of not being able to draw a breath made him thrash desperately and someone kept calling him and all he wanted was to get away and…_

"Jim! Wake up – you're fine. Wake up," Leonard repeated, keeping his voice gentle, but firm. He pulled at the sheet that was tangled around Jim's waist and chest. He was struggling against its hold in the panic of his nightmare, and Leonard worked quickly to free him from it.

Jim woke with a broken cry, his arms and legs jerking spasmodically as his body reacted to his brain's urgent command to fight or run. Leonard dodged out of the way, catching a flailing hand and squeezing, hoping to ground him and get him to focus.

"Jim – you're okay. It was just a dream. You're okay," Leonard said quietly and calmly. He watched as Jim blinked tears away and his eyes slowly cleared of the fear and confusion. Finally focusing his gaze on Leonard, Jim let out a shuddering breath as his body relaxed, his muscles losing some of their rigidity. Still feeling constricted and trying to catch his breath, Jim kicked the blankets off of himself the rest of the way and pushed himself up, wiping a hand over his face.

Leonard hovered nearby, wanting to help, but unsure of what would be welcome right now. Jim had had some pretty vivid dreams before that kicked him out of sleep with a gasp and a start, but nothing like this. This seemed almost comparable to when Leonard had his nightmare – the one that sent him to Chris in the first place.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over, Jim folded his arms over himself defensively. Leonard placed a cautious hand on Jim's bare shoulder, and Jim flinched.

"Shh…" Leonard said, unsure if Jim was completely awake yet. "You're okay. It was just a dream." When he got no other reaction, Leonard moved to kneel directly behind Jim, pressing his front to Jim's back and wrapping his arms around him. Jim felt cold, and he was trembling. Leonard could feel and hear his hitched breaths. "Just a dream, Jim," Leonard said again. "You're okay." He left Jim for a moment to find their t-shirts and boxers. "Here, put these on – it'll help warm you up." Wordlessly, Jim took the items and slipped them on, Leonard doing the same beside him. "Lie back down with me?"

Jim nodded and let himself be guided back down. Leonard reached down to grab the blanket and pulled it over them. Jim sighed as he settled against Leonard, pressing as close to him as he could. His heart was still beating too fast in his chest and he didn't feel anywhere near close to being able to sleep. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Did it again. And again. He focused on the feel of Bones' arms around him, the hand holding his own against his chest. He heard Bones take a breath, felt it against the back of his neck.

"Want to talk about it?" Leonard asked quietly.

"Not really," Jim said. He knew exactly what the problem was…what caused this particular nightmare with this particular focus. The surgery that was right around the corner…just a week away. All the time he'd spent with Chris, working on strategies to mitigate some of the irrational panic and fear that even the mere thought of surgery caused in him, all of it seemed to be for nothing.

Leonard sighed again, and held Jim tightly. He knew what the problem was too, and he wished with all his heart there was something he could do to make Jim feel better about what was coming. He knew there wasn't, so he said the only thing he could. "Darlin' you  _are_ going to be okay."

Jim closed his eyes and did his best to relax his body, to let go of the tension and the remembered terror and pain of that horrible event in his life. He tried to concentrate on the division between  _then_  and  _now_ that Chris had been trying to help him build. He tried to keep his reasons for agreeing to even do this surgery – Leonard, Joanna, and the life he had with them – at the forefront of his mind.

Leonard's heart ached with the knowledge of Jim's fear. He hated that he was powerless to do anything that could help him except for hold his hand and reassure. He felt bad for pushing him so hard to go through with something that he wasn't ready for, but he wasn't sorry for it. Another month might make it a little easier on Jim, but the risks of waiting any longer outweighed the possible benefit. Jim would still be afraid. And frankly, Leonard would rather have him afraid now for a little while, than all the time, dealing with a serious illness, later on. He knew Jim understood that…hoped he did.

Leonard murmured comfortingly behind him, idly rubbing Jim's calf with his foot. He could feel that Jim was slowly relaxing again, and he did what he could to encourage that. Leonard let his hand trail up and down Jim's side, pressed a kiss to his neck, his presence and touches reminding Jim of everything that was waiting on the other side. After a few more minutes, with Leonard's solid, safe, comforting presence behind and around him, Jim felt himself starting to drift off again.

Leonard lay awake behind Jim long after he felt Jim fall back asleep. He pushed his face against the soft blonde hair, inhaling deeply. He smiled slightly when he felt Jim fold his own arms over Leonard's arm that was wrapped around him. He loved the feel of the strong body in his grasp, the simultaneously soft flesh and skin under his hands. There was nothing more perfect than holding Jim like this, feeling him relaxed and warm and fitting against him like two pieces of a puzzle. That's what they were to each other, he'd come to realize. They were more than just two halves. They were two puzzle pieces that interlocked. One didn't make sense without the other, but together they were a complete picture.

Jim shifted, and Leonard loosed his hold on him as he turned in Leonard's arms to rest his head against his shoulder, murmuring something unintelligible. Smiling slightly, Leonard sighed and closed his eyes, finally starting to fall back asleep too.

A few hours later, Jim woke again to the gray light of the early morning filtering in through the gaps in the curtains, and he blinked blearily. Under the blanket, secure in Bones' arms, Jim felt so warm and content and comfortable that for a few seconds he didn't remember the nightmare that woke him, shaken and frightened. But it did come back to him, and it came back slowly. He didn't remember much about when he woke up…but the memory of the nightmare itself was clear enough. A disturbingly realistic and seamless hybrid of what happened when he was a kid, and the more recent horrifying allergic reaction that stopped him from breathing and…

Jim squeezed his eyes closed and tried to stop the images from crowding out the content feeling he woke up with. He focused on the slow, steady breathing behind him, the weight of the arms encircling him. He focused on remembering  _that_ part of the night…the part when he woke up, and he wasn't alone, and Bones was there to hold him and comfort him back to sleep…a sleep that stayed peaceful because he felt safe. Now, though, he also felt a little embarrassed. And a little depressed, if he was being honest with himself. He was tired of this, of having this thing in his life that seemed to always be looming in front of and over him. He was just so fed up with how it could reduce him to something less than who he really was. He hated it and simultaneously wanted it to be over with and run away from it.

Bones inhaled deeply behind him, and Jim felt him start to stir awake. A small smile on his face, Jim turned to look at him, watching as he slowly blinked his eyes open, squinting a little in the gradually-brightening room.

"Mmm…morning," Leonard said sleepily.

"Morning," Jim said, leaning in to kiss him.

Leonard studied Jim's face for a moment, looking for anything that could indicate what was going on behind those blue eyes.

"How're you doing?"

"M'fine," Jim said. "A little tired still."

Leonard nodded and kissed Jim again, cupping the side of his face with one hand, his thumb gently sweeping over his cheek. Jim moved a leg to press against Leonard and smiled as he let out a little moan. Leonard slipped his hands under Jim's shirt, skating over his rib cage and around his back. Jim gasped as Leonard's fingers found his nipple and gently squeezed. Jim's hand wandered down to the waistband of Leonard's boxers…

"Daddy?" Joanna's voice came through the door as she knocked, and then tried the locked handle. "Are you awake? Can I have some of my Halloween candy? Just one piece before breakfast? Daddy?"

Jim chuckled and pulled away as Leonard huffed a sigh, rolling on his back and scrubbing a hand over his face.

"Daddy?" Joanna said, as she knocked again.

"I'll be out in just a minute, Jo," Leonard called. "Go ahead and wait in the kitchen for me, okay?"

"Okay!"

Leonard looked back over at Jim and smiled wryly, kissing him again before sitting up and pushing the blanket back. "You coming?"

"Apparently not," Jim replied dryly. Leonard rolled his eyes and affectionately ruffled Jim's hair. Jim looked away, settling back down on the pillow. "I'll be up in a little while."

"You okay?" Leonard asked, standing and stretching. He peered down at Jim curiously. He never stayed in bed like this. It wasn't like him at all. As a matter of fact, Leonard was kind of surprised it wasn't Jim asking for candy before breakfast.

"Yeah, just tired. I just need a couple more hours," Jim said, pulling the blanket up higher around himself.

"Okay, sure," Leonard said slowly. "You rest."

Jim nodded and closed his eyes, pressing down into the pillow under his head. Leonard stood there for a moment, considering him. This was so highly unlike Jim, it was actually a little concerning. But for now, Leonard had a six year old waiting for him.

Sitting at the kitchen table with Joanna, who was happily settled with a bowl of cereal and some milk – and one piece of Halloween candy – Leonard spent a couple of minutes writing a quick email to Chris Pike, asking him to check in with Jim. He was still worried about the fact that Jim was staying in bed the morning after he experienced a fairly intense nightmare. Leonard didn't think it was anything serious, maybe Jim really was just tired from not sleeping well, but his surgery was this Friday, and he wanted to do everything he could to make sure he went into it as calm as possible. Depression sometimes accompanied the other symptoms of a phobia, and if that was the case Leonard wanted Chris to be aware so he could address it this week. Jim didn't need anything else to make this more difficult than it actually was.

After getting that email out, he went back to reading through what was in his inbox. The only one that was of any interest to him was from his mother, asking about his plans for Thanksgiving.

 _I know we'd originally said you would come to me for Thanksgiving this year,_  his mother wrote.  _But seeing as how your situation has changed, I wasn't certain if that was still what you were planning to do. I would love for you and Jo to be here – I miss you both so much. But I'll understand if you decide to stay in California. If you decide to come, Jim would be welcome too._

Leonard read through the rest of the email, and then composed a response. He hedged on the question of Thanksgiving, deciding he needed to talk to Jim first. Leonard wasn't big on most holidays, especially religious holidays, but Thanksgiving he did enjoy. He appreciated there being a day when people were reminded to be thankful for who and what they had in their lives. Being a doctor, he'd seen it so often…people losing the very things they took for granted – their loved ones, their own health…he just really liked what Thanksgiving was for.

He  _had_ promised both his mother and his daughter that they would go back to Georgia for Thanksgiving, but his mother was right. Things had changed for him. The idea of bring Jim to his home to meet his family was both thrilling and a little intimidating. And he honestly wasn't sure if Jim would want to put himself in a potentially stressful situation like that. They needed to talk about it, but he wasn't going to bring it up until after the surgery. Jim had enough to deal with now as it was.

"Daddy, where's Uncle Jim?" Joanna asked, stirring the few bits of cereal left in the milk in her bowl.

"He's still sleeping, Baby. He'll be up in a little while."

"What are we going to do today?"

Leonard looked over at his little girl and smiled. "Let's wait and see if Jim has any ideas, okay?"

Joanna nodded, working on unwrapping her piece of Halloween candy. "Okay," she agreed.

After breakfast, Joanna went to her room to play while her daddy did some laundry. He'd asked if she wanted to help, but she wasn't good at folding clothes and she though laundry was boring. Singing one of the songs from her Disney Sing Along DVD, the closed door to Daddy's room at the end of the hall reminded her that Uncle Jim was still sleeping, so she quieted herself and closed her bedroom door behind her softly.

"Good morning Minnie," she said to her hamster. "Wanna come out for a while?" Joanna picked up the exercise ball and opened the end. Carefully, she opened the door and reached in, gently grasping the hamster. Minnie liked to be held and never tried to run away from her. She really was the best hamster ever. Joanna sat down and stroked the little body softly. "Such a pretty girl," she murmured to the hamster sitting contentedly in her hand. "Let's put you in your ball…" Talking to the hamster quietly, Joanna secured her in the exercise ball and set her on the floor so Minnie could roll around her room, exploring the area for a while. Joanna peered into Minnie's cage. Every weekend, Uncle Jim helped her clean Minnie's cage, so she could stay healthy and happy for as long as possible. They hadn't done it yet this weekend, and it was starting to smell a little bit. She wrinkled her nose.

"We'll clean your house today Minnie. Sorry we didn't do it yesterday. It was Halloween and we got kinda busy."

Joanna carried on talking to the hamster as it rolled the exercise ball around the room. She pulled out some of her dolls and started changing their clothes and lined them up to sit against her closet door so they could listen to her read a story like in school. When the story was done, she took out one of her coloring books and did a couple of pictures, one for Daddy to take to work and one for Uncle Jim to take to work, too.

After playing for a little while, Joanna decided to see if Uncle Jim was ready to wake up yet. She picked up Minnie's exercise ball and opened it. She carefully urged Minnie back into her cage and made sure it was latched properly. Daddy hadn't been happy when Minnie got out once. Certain that Minnie was secured, Joanna went to the bathroom to wash her hands and then stood still in the hallway. Daddy had the tv on in the family room, and the door to his bedroom was still closed. Joanna listened at the door and didn't hear anything, so she turned the handle slowly and cracked the door open, peeking inside.

It was still mostly dark in the room, and she could see that Uncle Jim was lying on the bed under the covers. Joanna slipped inside the room and stood by the door, biting her lip anxiously. If that were Daddy in the bed, she would just climb in there with him to wake him up. But it was different with Uncle Jim. Walking quietly towards the bed, Joanna contemplated whether or not she would get in trouble if she woke him up.

Jim lay still and quiet, his eyes barely cracked, watching the little girl uncertainly crossing the room towards the bed. He fought a smile, wanting to see what she would do. There had been plenty of mornings when Jim woke up first and Joanna went back to get her father, but she'd never come to get him and he wondered what she would do. She was looking pretty shy about it, so he didn't think she was going to crawl into bed with him like she would her father.

Joanna came up to the bed and reached towards him, her little arm not long enough to reach Jim where he lay.

"Uncle Jim?" Joanna whispered. "Can you wake up now?"

Jim stayed quiet and Joanna huffed a little. After a moment, she walked down to the end of the bed and used the frame and the footboard to help her climb onto the raised mattress. On hands and knees, she made her way to the head of the bed and sat beside him crosslegged. She leaned down and Jim opened his eyes to peer up at her, startling her slightly.

"You're awake!" Joanna said happily. "I was hoping you were awake now."

"Good morning Jo," Jim said, smiling at the little girl. Still in her pink nightgown and her hair messy from sleeping, she was a little cutie. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, and I already had breakfast. And Daddy said we had to wait for you to see what we are going to do today. And Minnie's cage needs us to clean it, too. So did you sleep enough yet?"

"Yup, I did," he said, pushing himself up on the bed. "So I guess I should get up and get started, huh?"

"Yes!" Joanna said, standing up on the bed to jump excitedly. "Can we go somewhere today?" He chuckled and reached out for her, catching her mid-jump and laying her down on the bed to tickle her. She shrieked with laughter and kicked her legs as she grabbed at his hand, trying to get away from him.

"Uncle Jim!" she gasped, laughing. "You're going to make me wet my pants!"

Jim laughed and let her up. She rolled away from him and slipped off the bed. Jim followed, rubbing a hand through his hair. This is what he needed, Jim decided. Being able to focus on Bones and Jo, and not what was going on with him, was what he needed to get over the funk that had settled over him. There was no time for that when there was a hamster who needed her cage cleaned, after all.

 

* * *

 

Elizabeth Dehner sat in Nyota Uhura's office, trying to reign in her annoyance as she waited for Uhura to make her appearance. It wasn't as if she didn't have plenty of things waiting for her attention, and she resented the implicit implication that her time and effort at her job wasn't worth the same as Nyota's. Nyota, after all, had assistant principals to help her. She was the sole Guidance Counselor for the whole student body – Nyota had no idea how important her work was. And, most annoyingly, she never cared to find out.

Elizabeth sighed and was contemplating leaving and just making an appointment with Jean, the secretary, for a later time when the sound of the door opening interrupted her musings. She resisted the urge to look over her shoulder. She had no idea why she'd been called in to speak with Uhura, and she certainly wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of asking, or acting like she was at all concerned.

"Liz, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting," Nyota said, coming to sit down at her desk.

"No problem," Elizabeth said in a tone that contradicted the words. Their relationship had been a little strained since the Nyota first took this position, and things had definitely taken a turn for the worst after that parent/teacher conference with Jim Kirk and Joanna McCoy's father. Nyota had made it clear then that Elizabeth could not count on her for her support about things that affected the students as a whole. She wasn't all that surprised, but she was completely disheartened. She didn't understand why Nyota and Ben Finney, the K-2 Assistant Principal, didn't see the problems inherent in simple acceptance of a "family situation" like Jim Kirk's and Leonard McCoy's. And she resented the automatic label that she got simply for trying to make them see the situation from the perspective of the other parents. They could insinuate that she was the bigot all they wanted. The fact that her point of view was so summarily dismissed told the true story, as far as she was concerned.

"So what can I do for you today?" Elizabeth asked, wanting to get things moving. She had a full day ahead of her. Nyota looked down at her folded hands for a moment before looking back up at her, her expression carefully neutral in a way that made Elizabeth immediately suspicious.

"Liz, you've been a part of this school almost since it began, and your work here will always be appreciated," Nyota said seriously. "You've helped the school grow, you've guided children and their families through everything from the application process to figuring out where to continue their education after McKinley, you've led the staff development and helped us get to the acclaimed status we enjoy today. This school would not be where it is without you."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said slowly. This wasn't what she thought it was…it couldn't be.

"While everything you've done will always be appreciated, some of the attitudes and actions we've seen over the last year has made the board feel that the relationship needs to change, and that it is time for you to separate from the school."

As Nyota spoke, a sinking feeling in the center of Elizabeth's chest made her swallow hard. She started at Nyota uncomprehendingly for a moment, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to figure out what to say. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"My contract…" she said, after a moment.

"Will of course be honored. As you know, there are two exit clauses that cover this particular situation, and how you would like to proceed is up to you."

Some of Elizabeth's disbelief hardened into anger and she sat up a little straighter, glaring at Nyota and firmly keeping her emotions in check.

"This is because of Kirk, isn't it? He's finished his degree, and now you're giving him my job," she accused.

To her surprise, Nyota sighed and sat back heavily. "No, actually, I'm not. He's leaving too."

Elizabeth blinked in surprise, and Nyota sat forward again. "Liz, this isn't because Jim wants your job, or anything like that. But I want to be honest with you here. It  _is_ because of the way you've handled things having to do with him and Joanna McCoy. Agree with his lifestyle or not, you must have realized the impropriety of the way you manipulated information and tried to corner him with Ben Finney and in other ways all year, and the way you tried to use the prejudices of other parents against him."

"I didn't do anything wrong," Elizabeth said stiffly.

"And I think you believe that…and  _that's_ why this decision was made."

Elizabeth bristled, but there was nothing she could do, and she knew it. This was a private school, a private business…there was no union to protect her, and as long as they followed one of the two clauses in her contract with dealt with being let go from her position, the board was under no obligation to keep her employed. There was no recourse.

But maybe this wasn't such a bad thing.

"When?" Elizabeth asked.

"The assistant principals are going to take over for now, and each one needs to meet with you to transfer everything for the students in their grades. We want this to be as smooth as possible, and we don't want to rush it, so as long as you're amenable..."

"Of course. The students shouldn't even be able to tell that anything's different," Elizabeth said, and Nyota smiled slightly in relief. She knew that Liz really did care about the kids, and she was counting on that to make this as painless as possible for all involved.

"Then we're looking at the end of the week," Nyota said.

"Fine." Elizabeth stood and walked out without another word, leaving without a backward glance, and shut the door behind her. In the privacy of her office, Nyota rested her forehead on her steepled hands. Now she was out a Guidance Counselor and a kindergarten teacher…both situations for the best, in their own ways, but still.

And she still had to figure out what to do about talking to the Board about Jim's contract, and find someone to replace both Elizabeth and Jim.

 _One problem at a time,_  she thought to herself.

 

* * *

 

Jim walked slowly down the hall of the school. His class was currently with Coach for P.E., and he was using the time to get everything in order for when he was going to be out of school, recovering from the surgery.

Diane was going to be there, and because Jim was able to plan with plenty of forewarning, he was able to secure his favorite, most trusted substitute teacher, Norma Tate. Norma was a teacher who was retired from the county school system. She'd specialized in reading, and Jim had met her at one of the symposiums he'd attended for reading teachers. She'd been leading one of the breakout sessions, and Jim had been seriously impressed with everything about her, and they'd struck up a friendship. She'd officially retired last year, but she was still young in that way shared by all good elementary school teachers, and she subbed on occasion. She'd been happy to take his class while he was out, and that was a relief for Jim…at least he wouldn't have to worry about his students. But there wasn't much time left to make sure that all the materials they would need were ready, and he still had some photocopies of worksheets to make, and one more day's lesson plans to write.

Four days. Four more days, and he'd be right where he absolutely  _did not_ want to be. The closer it got, the more anxious Jim became, and doing things like this – getting materials ready for the sub that would be taking his class with Diane's help while he had and then recovered from the surgery – didn't distract him from it. If anything, it brought what was waiting for him into sharper focus. He'd been meeting with Chris three to four times per week, talking, working on ways to control his reactions, basically cramming in as much "therapy" as he could before he had to go under the knife, and he honestly doubted any of it helped. He didn't know how he was going to get through what was coming.

Actually, he did know. If he was going to get through this without totally freaking out and running out of the operating room with his ass hanging out, it was going to be because of Bones. For the first time in his adult life, Jim was experiencing what it was like to have someone take care of him so completely. Bones was handling everything. He'd found a good surgeon, a woman, who was okay with Bones being in the operating room…at least until Jim was unconscious…and in the recovery room, so he wouldn't wake up alone. He'd arranged for someone to take over his college classes for all of next week, and had tapped another doctor who was very familiar with his work to be on call for anything that came up with his research and needed an immediate response. Bones was doing everything he could to be completely free for Jim's recovery time next week.

Bones also arranged for Aurelan to take care of Jo for the two nights and three days that Jim would be in the hospital. Recovery would take a bit longer, but would be done at home. Aurelan and Sam knew about the surgery and about why he needed the surgery, but true to his word, Bones had not let on at all about how Jim  _felt_ about the surgery. That was still extremely embarrassing to him, and though Aurelan had fished about why Bones wouldn't be home until Jim was, even overnight, he'd kept Jim's secret.

Jim wasn't happy with what was waiting for him, but he couldn't deny that Bones was going above and beyond to keep his promise that he would do anything he could to make this as easy on him as possible.

And through all of this…from the very beginning with that general physical exam to the follow up test to the preparation for this surgery…Bones never made him feel stupid or ashamed or like less of a man…even when he was on the verge of crying like a baby.

Unconditional acceptance and love from the person Jim loved. That was how he was going to get through this.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim goes in for his surgery, and Bones is there to help him through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no medical background at all, and I've never been hospitalized for an in-patient procedure, so while I did a bit of online research, a lot of what follows is my best guess. Please read it with a grain of salt. Of course, all corrections are always welcome.

"Okay, Jo…now you remember that Aurelan is going to get you after school today and you're going to stay with Janie until sometime Sunday, right?" Leonard asked, glancing in the rearview mirror to see her as he negotiated the busy parking lot at McKinley.

Since it wasn't going to be possible to hide the fact that Jim was going to be on bed rest while he recovered for most of next week, last night they'd talked to her briefly about why she was going to be staying with Aurelan and Sam for the next couple of days. She'd been full of questions about what was wrong with Jim, which they answered truthfully – and gently. Leonard was never keen on lying to her anyway. Soften the truth, absolutely – but not outright lie. Fortunately, she didn't appear overly concerned about the situation, and was mostly excited to be able to spend the time with her friend.

"Right!" Joanna replied from the backseat. "Uncle Jim?"

Jim turned around in the passenger seat to smile at her. "What's up sweetie?"

"You know my Benji?" she asked, referring to the favorite stuffed animal.

"Yes, of course. I believe I kissed him goodnight last night," Jim replied.

Joanna giggled and nodded. "Well, I put him in the bag under your clothes. He always helps me if I get scared, and I told him to help you in case you get scared, too."

"Aw, thank you so much Jo," Jim said sincerely, touched by her thoughtfulness.  _Just like her father,_ Jim thought. "But are you sure you're not going to need him?"

Joanna nodded. "I'm sure. I have someone else who's gonna stay with me, and I'm just going to Janie's house. I'm used to going there. You're not used to going to the hospital."

Leonard glanced at Jim and then in the rearview mirror to see his little girl. The empathy she displayed was really remarkable, and whether she was giving her books away to a daycare that needed materials, or secreting her favorite stuffed animal away in their overnight bag, she was proving to be a very caring little girl. He couldn't have been more proud of her.

"Well, thank you very much," Jim said again. "I know it'll help to have Benji with me."

"You're welcome," she said.

A moment later, Leonard pulled up into a spot and parked. He and Jim got out of the car and Jim opened the backseat door, reaching in to help her undo the buckle on her booster seat. Joanna clambered out of the car, and threw her arms around Jim's waist, squeezing him as tightly as she could. Jim wrapped an arm around her and gently smoothed down her hair.

"We'll call you, okay Jo?" Jim said.

"Okay," she said, letting go and looking up at him seriously. "Don't forget. Don't forget, Daddy," she added, turning to look at her father when he joined them, her backpack in hand.

"I promise, Baby," Leonard said. "I'm gonna walk you in to tell Miss Chapel that Aurelan is coming to get you today."

"Okay," Jo said, taking her father's hand. "Bye Uncle Jim. See you in a few days!"

"Bye Jo! Have fun with Janie," Jim said.

He watched as father and daughter made their way to the entrance of the school, then slowly sat back down in the car. He was kind of relieved that Jo was gone. He wasn't nearly as calm or confident as he'd portrayed, and frankly though it was kind of tiring to keep up the façade, he hadn't wanted to let on how he was actually feeling with her around. Now that his reason for acting like everything was fine was gone, he was decidedly  _not_ fine. He felt sick to his stomach, and he thought it was very possible he might throw up, despite the fact that he hadn't had anything to eat or drink since before nine the previous night.

Leaning his head back against the headrest, Jim closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, trying to calm himself. After a couple of minutes, Jim lifted his head and surveyed the covered walkway where parents, children and teachers still hurried about, looking for Bones. Jim didn't see him yet. Glancing over at the driver's side of the car, he saw that Bones had left the keys in the ignition. For a moment he entertained and distracted himself with the thought of sliding into the driver's seat and driving away. Though ridiculous, it was an extremely appealing thought.

His musings were interrupted as Bones came back into view, heading towards the car, sans daughter. 

 _Missed my chance,_ Jim thought.

"Thinking about taking off?" Leonard asked as he sat back down in the car.

"No," Jim said petulantly, a little annoyed at how easily and well Bones seemed to read him. Jim turned away from him to look out the passenger side window and Leonard rolled his eyes, reaching for Jim's hand, and giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"I know you're not feeling great," he said, "but thank you for being so casual about everything with Jo."

"Of course," Jim replied, keeping his eyes on the scene familiar playing out in the parking lot. "No need for you to have to deal with two hysterical people this morning."

Leonard shook his head and glanced over at Jim as he waited to be able to back out of the parking spot. "You're fine…you're not acting hysterical at all."

"Not yet," Jim mumbled.

This was another worry that had plagued him that he was finally able to express clearly to Chris after learning to identify the different aspects of his phobia. He was worried, and embarrassed, about how other people saw him, and what they thought of the way he acted. He'd been too freaked out to care or dwell on this in the beginning, but having time to think about it over the last month had brought it more to the forefront.

Leonard had helped Jim with that particular feeling as much as he could, talking about his experiences with patients, and what he thought about the way they acted, as a doctor. Jim had been grateful for his point of view, and hearing how utterly uninterested he was in the way his patients behaved, beyond the clinical implication inherent in their behavior, did alleviate some of his embarrassment. But it was still something he was worried about. He hated the feeling of being out of control…of the situation…of his reactions – it all made him feel vulnerable and weak, which exacerbated the feeling of being out of control. It was a vicious cycle that fed on itself, and eventually spiraled into a panic attack.

Chris had made it possible for him to step back enough to pick the process of the phobia apart, look at it clinically, ultimately helping him recognize how each of the aspects of the phobia fed on each other. Jim knew that would help somewhat, but he also knew that just because he could be clinical about it when he wasn't in the grip of a panic attack didn't mean he'd be able to talk himself down before making a complete fool of himself in front of people.

_"You have to remember," Chris had said, more than once. "That everything you're feeling – the fear, the panic, the embarrassment – it's all amplified in your own head. You may feel like you're close to losing it, and come off as just very nervous to someone else. So be honest when someone asks you how you're feeling. If they know what's going on in your head, they can help you with it."_

Well that was easier said than done, Jim had decided. He could tell Leonard what he was feeling, but he didn't think he could be that honest with strangers.

Jim had been staring out of the window, watching the city pass as they drove from the school to San Francisco General.

"Bones," Jim said quietly, swallowing around a lump in his throat as he hunched in on himself a little, feeling cold in a way that the jacket he was wearing couldn't help.

"Hey," Leonard said, hearing the distress in his voice. "It's okay…you're going to be just fine." Bringing the car to a stop at a light, he looked over at Jim in concern, squeezing his hand again and then reaching up to clasp his shoulder. Jim leaned as close to Bones as he could, his elbow on the center console and his knee bounced agitatedly.

"You're going to be with me the whole time," Jim said, trying to remind and reassure himself.

"Yes," Leonard said seriously, even though Jim hadn't really asked. "Dr. Martine has signed off on that, and let everyone know that where you go, I go. I'll be with you the whole time."

"Okay," Jim said. He stayed quiet for a few more moments, staring out the window without really seeing anything. "Hey Bones…I probably won't think of it later, so thank you…for putting up with me and helping me to deal with all of this."

"Jim, you don't have to thank me for anything. I love you – I will do anything I can for you."

Jim smiled slightly, feeling a little better to hear that. He knew it, of course. But hearing it…just made things seem a little less intimidating.

"So…when we get there…" Jim said, wanting to go over it again.

"When we get there we'll check you in at the main desk. Probably wait for a while, because it wouldn't be a hospital if they didn't make us wait for a while. While we're waiting for your room, they'll probably draw some blood and maybe go for an MRI or ultrasound, just to do one more check…"

Leonard continued talking through what their day was going to be like, as he'd done a couple of times before. If it helped Jim to hear it, he'd repeat it another ten times. Jim was scheduled for surgery at 3:30 today, and they'd told him to be there by 8:30 in the morning to get all the pre-op stuff done, and get him settled. Dr. Angela Martine was one of those surgeons who believed in a holistic approach to patient care, and she'd been extremely understanding and helpful when it came to making the arrangements that would help Jim get through this. She'd even met with them, along with Chris Pike, in her office one afternoon, explaining to Jim what to expect before and after the surgery that she was going to do laparoscopically.

She seemed to genuinely be warm and friendly – not some of the more common traits in surgeons – and she had an excellent record and came highly recommended. And, just as importantly, Jim seemed to like her. That was important because Chris had stressed more than once the need for Jim to communicate what he was feeling, and communicating with Leonard was all well and good, but he needed to communicate with his doctor as well.

A short while later, they were making their way into the hospital, Leonard leading them to where inpatient surgical cases checked in, got their requisite wrist bands, and inevitably cooled their heels as they waited for their room or their pre-op routine.

Jim balked at the doors when they automatically opened for someone else, and a gush of air that had that antiseptic, plastic, artificial smell that seemed to be common to all areas of a hospital flowed over them, slightly ruffling their hair. The smell of it took Jim right back to the last time he was here, and his throat closed up and he actually couldn't breathe for a second.

Suddenly a raw feeling of fright gripped him, and he was certain that if went in there, he was going to die. Something was going to happen and he was going to die.

Trying desperately to get a full breath and feeling dizzy, he took a staggering step back, pulling away from Leonard. Without really seeing where he was going, Jim turned and pushed past him. He was shaky and weak, and he couldn't draw a proper breath, but he also couldn't ignore the desperate feeling of needing to  _get away_. Somehow, despite the fact that his legs felt like jelly, he managed to stay upright and get himself out of there.

"Jim," Leonard said, alarmed as he tried to catch Jim's arm and stop him.

"No…no Bones," Jim gasped out. "I'm sorry…I can't."

Though taken by surprise at Jim's sudden change in direction, Leonard turned and hurried to keep up with him. Intent as he seemed to be to put as much distance between himself and the entrance to the hospital, Jim was walking fast, right across the parking lot. With his head down he obviously wasn't paying very close attention to what was going on around him, and the absolute last thing they needed at this point was for this hospital stay to be compounded by a run-in with a car.

"Jim," Leonard said again, trying to get his attention.

"Bones, please," Jim choked out. He was making a beeline across the parking lot, heading not back to the car, but to a grassy area that overlooked a lake and had some picnic tables and benches. There was a tree-lined walkway that followed the perimeter of the lake, and though the area was mostly obscured by fog in the early morning chill, it looked pretty and peaceful.

Leonard recognized what was happening here. It had happened to him before, months ago now…and he'd locked himself in the bathroom for a while until he could get control of himself. Keeping pace with Jim, hearing his harsh, fast breathing that was out of place for their current level of exertion, Leonard hoped that he would be able to help Jim come back to himself the way he'd done for Leonard when he needed that.

They made it to one of the benches and Jim sat down heavily, bending himself practically in half over his legs as he just tried to breathe. He swallowed a couple of times, trying to get some moisture back in his mouth and throat, and coughed for his efforts. Shuddering, he cradled his head in his hands. He didn't react when he felt Bones put his arm around him. He was grateful for the contact, it helped ground him and he definitely needed that, but he didn't make any move to sit up yet. He just stayed like that, his arms clenched to his body as he concentrated on not hyperventilating.

Leonard stayed quiet, just gently rubbing his back as he waited for Jim to calm, letting him have the time he needed to pull himself together. Jim was incomparably grateful for that. He recognized the benefit of talking things out – he was an actual psychologist now, for Pete's sake – but sometimes people just needed a couple of minutes to sort themselves out. Eventually, Jim leaned over enough that he could rest against Leonard, and he wrapped his arm around Jim's shoulders, holding him, feeling the last of the shuddering leave his body.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," Jim said wearily. "I'm sorry...I just..." He trailed off, unable to put into words the inexplicable feeling dread that had come over him. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. The solid warmth of Bones' arm draped over his shoulders and the way Bones held him did a lot to calm him down further. Jim inhaled deeply, the breath shuddery and cleansing as he really felt the cool morning air in his lungs for the first time since being overcome by the memories associated with the smell of the hospital.

"Sorry about that," Jim said, after another few moments of quiet passed between them. "It was that hospital smell. It just…"

"Overwhelmed you," Leonard supplied.

"Yeah," Jim sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Jim. I understand."

Jim looked up and met Leonard's gaze for the first time, realization in his eyes. Bones  _did_ understand.

"I'd almost forgotten about that," Jim said, both referring to the episode Bones had when Jim had accidentally scared him into a tailspin of awful memories about what had happened between him and Michael when he was a college student.

"Yeah? Good – you go on and forget it. Definitely wasn't one of my finer moments."

Jim smiled slightly, then rested his head on Leonard's shoulder.

"I  _am_ going to go through with the surgery."

"I know you are."

"Yeah? How do you know?"

Leonard shrugged and small smile graced his face. "Because you love me," he answered after a moment.

Jim sat up and turned his body to face Bones more fully, leaned in and kissed him softly.

"That's exactly right. Because I love you. So…let's go."

"You sure you're ready? We can sit here a while longer, if you want," Leonard offered.

Jim nodded. "I'm sure. That was a one-time freak-out…I'm ready for it now."

Leonard actually doubted that that was going to be the only time Jim "freaked out", but they'd deal with whatever came as it came. For now, Jim felt ready, and they were going to take advantage of that as much as possible.

"Okay," Leonard said, standing. He slung their bag over his shoulder and Jim stood as well, stretching briefly. They headed back across the grass, their sneakers getting wet in the morning dew, and Leonard took Jim's hand, holding him tightly, comfortingly. And this time when the doors opened for them, even though Jim's grip on him tightened, they entered the hospital, together.

 

* * *

 

"Wait…wait! Stop!" Jim shouted, starting to get a little frantic. "Where's Bones…I mean Leonard? I don't want to go in there unless he's here."

He sat up in the bed that was being rolled into the operating room, wincing as his movements pulled at the IV in his arm. He shrugged away from a hand that was pressing heavily on his shoulder, trying to urge him back down, as his heart pounding in his chest hard enough to make his head throb. Starting to shake because of the adrenaline flooding his system, he gripped the siderail of the bed, prepared to resist being moved to the operating table.

"Mr. Kirk – Jim. Hey, hi there…It's Angela Martine. Remember me?"

The bed halted in the hall just outside the doors at a gesture from the woman who came out to see who was raising his voice and why, and Jim managed to focus on the familiar, friendly voice of the person who was going to be his surgeon.

"I'm not doing this if he's not there," Jim said quickly, an accusing tone coming into his voice as a result of his rising stress. "You already agreed."

"I know I did," Angela said, keeping her voice calm and friendly. "And he's coming. He's just changing into some of these fashionable scrubs. He'll be here in just a second. We can wait for him, okay? I'll wait with you"

Shaking, flushed with embarrassment but too frightened to care, Jim nodded. Just a moment later Jim caught sight of Leonard in the hall.

"See – here he is," Angela said, glancing over her shoulder to see what Jim was looking at beyond her. She stepped out of the way, exchanging a quick nod with Leonard as she went to scrub in.

"Jesus Bones…you can't do that!" Jim snapped, his fear making him angry. "Where the fuck did you go?"

"I'm sorry…I thought they were going to park you in the hall while I changed. I'm right here, okay?"

Wordlessly, Jim nodded. Leonard registered how pale he was, the thin sheen of sweat on his brow and could see that he was trembling, and Leonard pursed his lips, leaning close to him to gather him in a hug. Jim held on to him tightly.

"I don't want to do this," he said suddenly, his voice shaking and thick with emotion. "I'm not ready."

Leonard looked up at the techs who'd been wheeling him into the O.R. from the pre-op room. Over Jim's shoulder, he scowled at them as they exchanged an annoyed glance, rolling their eyes.

"You are, Darlin'," Leonard said soothingly. "You're ready, and I'll be with you the whole time. Let's just...go in. And then we can take a few more minutes, okay?"

It took a second, but eventually Jim nodded and let Bones go. "Okay."

Leonard smiled at him comfortingly, and Jim gripped his hand, keeping him close. The techs pushed through the door, wheeling Jim into the operating room that was bustling with people in the familiar blue scrubs. Leonard asked for a few minutes before they doing anything else, and he held Jim, talking quietly to him and ignoring everything else. He whispered promises that he'd be there, that Jim would be fine, that it would all be over before he even knew it. And after a few moments, Jim took a deep breath and swallowed hard, then nodded his permission to get going. The nurses in the room then guided Jim to move from the bed to the operating table, positioning him properly on his back with his arms straight out from his body, palms up. A thin blanket was draped over his body, not substantial enough to stop the chill of the room that was seeping into him.

Jim listened to the beeps that corresponded with his heartrate, registering dimly that they were too fast to be normal. A voice he didn't recognize asked him something, but he couldn't hear clearly over the sound of his own heart and the rushing in his ears. Jim swallowed a couple of times, his eyes darting around the room, and his hands curled into fists as he resisted the urge to protectively bring his arms to his body. He didn't like being laid out like this. He felt too vulnerable.

"Jim," Bones said, and smiled comfortingly when Jim's eyes landed on him. "Look at me, Darlin', okay?"

"Okay," he murmured. Bones took one of his hands and put the other hand on Jim's head, over the blue cap covering his hair. He could feel that Jim was still shaking and he could see goosebumps on his arms.

"You cold?" Bones asked. Jim hesitated then nodded, licking his lips nervously. Bones looked up at one of the nurses. "Can we get another blanket here?"

Leonard knew that some of the chill Jim was experiencing wasn't physical, and that the blanket was nothing more than a token of comfort. Anyway, once they put him out it wouldn't matter…they would reposition him, remove his gown and drape him for surgery…but for now, while he was awake and waiting for the damn anesthesiologist to get here, if another blanket made him feel better, then he'd get another blanket.

Looking into Jim's eyes, he projected calm as much as he could, knowing that Jim needed to see him that way…calm, confident. They murmured to each other, Jim's responses getting a little less clear as the initial sedative dripped into him. Jim had steadfastly refused to have the sedative introduced to his IV before actually being in the operating room – he didn't want to be in that twilight phase while waiting in the pre-op room – but it had been working on him for the last few minutes, Leonard knew, as his heartrate came down and his eyelids got heavier and heavier. Despite that, though, Jim stubbornly held onto consciousness, forcing himself to focus on Leonard, too afraid to let himself fall asleep.

A couple of minutes later, the anesthesiologist joined them and introduced himself. He positioned himself behind Jim's head and brought the mask down, urging Jim's chin up with a gentle hand.

Jim looked at Leonard out of the corner of his eye, and squeezed his hand tighter than he had been for the last few minutes. With the mask over Jim's face, his expression was mostly obscured, but Leonard could see his eyes welling with nervous tears, and he realized that Jim was holding his breath, unable to not resist, even in this most passive way. Jim blinked and a tear tracked down the side of his temple and was absorbed by the blue cap near his ear.

"Breathe, Darlin'. It'll be okay. I'm right here," Leonard said quietly, placing his free hand lightly on Jim's chest.

Scared, but believing Bones...with all his heart believing him...Jim closed his eyes

…and breathed.

 

* * *

 

"Dr. McCoy."

Leonard looked up from the magazine he wasn't really reading.

"Dr. Martine," he said standing. "Everything go okay?"

"Everything went perfectly," she said, smiling. And something within Leonard, that he'd been carefully ignoring for the last two hours, unknotted and relaxed. "He'll be brought into the recovery room shortly, so let's get you there now, okay?"

"Yes, thank you," Leonard said. He'd asked, but Angela had preferred that he not be in the O.R. during Jim's actual surgery. Leonard hadn't been surprised about that, but before he left, after Jim was out, he'd reminded her that he needed to be there before Jim woke up. Angela had promised that she'd see to that herself, and, satisfied, Leonard had gone to wait in the surgeon's lounge.

Together they headed to the recovery area and Angela recapped what she'd done. The surgery had gone easily and well, the complete cyst removed, along with a thin slice of the liver that had been in direct contact with cyst, mostly for safety's sake. While Angela had been working, she'd taken another small liver biopsy and sent it to be analyzed right away, just to confirm what the earlier biopsy had determined – that there were no detectable cancer cells beyond the cyst. Leonard had tremendously downplayed that possibility with Jim, not wanting to give him yet another thing to obsess over. To his great relief, the results had come back with just good news.

Now, Leonard was standing beside Jim's bed, waiting for him to come out of it. He lay partially reclined, bare-chested, except for the bandages covering the three small incision points on his right side. He was covered from the waist down, but was otherwise naked. He was still hooked up to the monitoring equipment, and had an oxygen mask on, as well as the IV and Foley. Leonard had talked to Jim in detail about what he had to look forward to when he woke, very much wanting to avoid a repeat of what had happened after his allergic reaction to the dye used in the CT scan. He hadn't been happy to know that he'd wake up with a Foley catheter to collect urine again, but the fact that he  _knew_ about it beforehand seemed to make all the difference to him.

"Mmm…" Jim turned his head and grimaced slightly, a furrow appearing between his brows.

Leonard placed a gentle hand on top of Jim's head and removed the oxygen mask with the other.

"Hey, Darlin'," he said quietly. "You're okay. The surgery is all done. Can you open your eyes for me?"

Jim turned his head again, towards Leonard's voice, and squinted in the low light, trying to see.

"B – ones," Jim rasped, his voice hoarse and faint.

"Shh…don't try to talk. Your throat's going to be sore for a little while. The surgery's done, and you're doing just fine." Leonard grasped Jim's hand that he'd raised off the bed, looking for contact.

"Hurts," Jim whispered, swallowing painfully. Leonard wasn't sure if he was referring to his throat, or to the pain of the incisions in his side. Laparoscopic surgery was a lot easier on patients, but it was still surgery. The instruments had to go through layers of tissue and muscle, and though it was easier, it was still painful.

"Okay, hold on Jim," Leonard said. He straightened and pressed the button that would automatically deliver a premeasured amount of morphine directly to him through his IV. "You should feel better in a few minutes. Just try to relax." The system was designed to reset itself after a specific amount of time, allowing patients to determine how often they received a dose of pain medication. Hopefully, he'd be asleep before another dose could even be delivered.

Jim would only be on this medication for the rest of the day and night. Tomorrow, he would be switched to oral pain meds, though often, laparascopic surgery patients found that they didn't really need anything after that first day. Leonard was hoping that Jim would be one of those, and that his discomfort would resolve quickly. He hated to see him hurting.

"I've got some ice chips for you," Leonard said quietly, gently stroking Jim's hair. "Open your mouth a bit."

Still groggy, Jim kept his eyes closed and did as he was told, and Leonard carefully fed him a single chip at a time. He talked to him, keeping his voice low and gentle. After a couple of minutes, Jim seemed to be swallowing easier, and he definitely seemed more relaxed as the pain medication made him more comfortable.

"I feel sick to my stomach," Jim said, his voice sounding a little clearer now.

Leonard pulled a chair up to the bed and sat, being sure to keep physical contact with Jim. He'd realized early on in their relationship that Jim was an extremely tactile person, and that he responded to a comforting, familiar touch better than almost anything else.

"That'll pass, Jim…it's just a minor side effect of the anesthetic. Just try to relax, and let your body rest. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

It didn't take long for Jim to fall into a light doze. Unfortunately, he was easily roused, and he startled awake every time one of the nurses came in and either checked something or spoke. Leonard felt like snapping at them to leave them the hell alone, but he held his tongue. They were doing their jobs, and though he got a number of strange looks because he was in an area non-medical personnel weren't allowed, no one questioned his right to be there. Leonard was pretty sure they had no idea who he was, but the scrubs and badge afforded him a certain amount of credibility.

After a couple of hours in recovery, a doctor came by and checked in with them. Happy with Jim's progress, he signed off on moving him back to his room. Jim had been relieved to hear that. Although he was doing pretty well now that thing he'd been dreading was over, he wasn't completely comfortable with being in the open recovery area. He didn't like hearing the other patients, and he didn't like all the movement around him.

Now, they were finally back in Jim's room and Leonard sat beside Jim's bed, his laptop open, the only other light coming from a small, dim table lamp on the other side of the room. He glanced over at Jim as he shifted slightly in his sleep. And it was just sleep – restful, real sleep – at this point. His eyes traveled over him, taking in his relaxed expression, his mussed hair. He was so perfect…and he was going to be fine.

He took a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes and let that thought settle over him:  _Jim was going to be fine._  Leonard was finally able to let go of the worry he couldn't allow himself to acknowledge. He couldn't be worried…for Jim's sake, he had to be calm and logical and keep a lid on his tendency to overreact when the people he loved were threatened in some way…and finally being able to let the carefully contained worry go made him feel so relieved that there was an almost  _physical_ feeling to it.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Leonard yawned. He closed his laptop and stood, setting the computer down on the chair and then stretching his body, trying to work some of the stiffness out of his joints. At nearly nine at night, it was still relatively early. But he was tired, and a cot had been brought in to Jim's room for him. Looking over at Jim again, it did seem like he was down for the count. Deciding he may as well lay down too, Leonard turned to their bag and rummaged through it, pulling out his pajamas and toothbrush, he went into the bathroom to change and wash up, leaving the door open in case Jim should wake up.

Finished with an abbreviated version of his nightly routine, Leonard switched off the light and exited the bathroom.

"Hey," Jim said quietly.

"Hey yourself," Leonard replied, dropping his clothes on top of his computer on the chair and moving to Jim's side. "How're you doing? Did I wake you?"

"'M okay – and you didn't wake me. Had a dream."

"Yeah?" Leonard said. "A good one I hope." To his surprise, a little bit of color came into Jim's cheeks and he glanced away from him.  _That_ was not a reaction Leonard ever expected to see from him. All he'd meant was that he hoped it hadn't been a nightmare.

Jim cleared his throat. "Can I have a drink of water?" he asked, obviously skirting the question.

"Of course." Leonard poured some cool water into a cup from the pitcher on the side table and handed the cup to Jim. "Slow," Leonard reminded him. Jim rolled his eyes, but did as he was told.

He watched as Leonard shook out the provided blanket over the cot.

"Going to sleep?"

"Only if you are," he replied. "I was just getting the bed ready."

"I'm still tired," Jim said. "I think I can fall back asleep. But you don't have to sleep down there."

It took Leonard a moment to realize what Jim was obliquely suggesting.

"Jim that bed is not big enough for two people," he said. "And I'm pretty sure your nurse isn't going to take kindly to me jostling you around."

"Bones, we sleep in approximately the same amount of space every night anyway. And you won't jostle me. C'mon…I won't sleep well if you're not with me, and you said I need to get my rest. Please?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Damn it, Jim," he said. "I'm the one who's going to end up in trouble for this."

Realizing that he'd won, Jim smiled and slowly moved over a bit to leave more room for Bones as he pulled the blanket and pillow off the cot. He joined Jim on the bed carefully, settling in the slightly reclined position fairly easily. Jim couldn't sleep on his right side because of the incisions, so they arranged themselves so that Leonard could put his arm around Jim and he turned on his left side, into Leonard's body slightly, pillowing his head on Leonard's chest.

"Comfortable?" Leonard asked after Jim settled, warm and solid beside him.

"Mmm-hmm."

Leonard closed his eyes and kissed the top of Jim's head. He was glad Jim was comfortable, because sleeping like this was going to be a pain in the ass for him. As he lay there, he entertained the possibility of quietly moving to the cot once Jim had fallen asleep. They lay in silence for a couple of minutes, Leonard waiting to hear the slow, deep breathing that indicated Jim was deeply asleep enough to not be easily woken, but then Jim murmured something that Leonard didn't quite catch.

"Didn't hear that," Leonard said.

Jim tilted his head back to look up at him. "I said, 'this is what I dreamed'," he repeated. "This is why I woke up…And it was a really good dream."

Leonard smiled and gently tightened his hold on him, pulling him closer to his side. Suddenly the bed didn't seem too small or the position too uncomfortable anymore.

It was perfect.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets an offer from Nyota he's not sure he can refuse, they go out to celebrate some good news, and later, Jim and Bones reconnect with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an additional one-shot entitled "04 - A Special Place" that takes place between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one. It is available on this site.

"How are you feeling?" Nyota asked as she settled at Jim's desk with him, arranging her lunch in front of her. "Are you sore?"

Jim shrugged, leaning back in his chair with a sigh, his hand automatically moving his side to rest over where the incisions were made. "Nah, not really. I'm okay. I'm a little more tired than I thought I was going to be. I mean, god, I haven't done  _anything_ but rest for a week. I thought I was going to go crazy staying at home."

Nyota nodded. "Well, I can imagine that surgery takes a lot out of you, and then you have to just jump right back in – I can see how it would be difficult to get back in the swing of things – especially since you don't exactly have a desk job. I'll bet you're glad it's all over with."

 _That is the understatement of the fucking year._ "Oh, you have no idea how glad," Jim said aloud. "And yeah, thank god for Diane. I swear I could've kissed her when she offered to take the munchkins to lunch so I could just sit for a few minutes."

Nyota chuckled. "I don't think she, her husband, or Leonard would've appreciated that. I'm sure a thank you will suffice."

"Noted," Jim said with a smile. He opened the lunch he'd packed for himself and they spent a couple of minutes eating in silence.

"So," Nyota said, "I wanted to touch base with you about a couple of things."

Jim nodded, having expected as much. It was nice to have lunch with her every now and then, but she didn't often just stop for lunch, and he knew a lot of things were still up in the air as far as his leaving was concerned.

"Liz's last day is this Friday," Nyota said, looking up at him. Jim paused, his sandwich halfway to his mouth.

"What?" Jim said, too surprised to be articulate. That was not what he'd been expecting to hear. "You fired her?"

Nyota gave him a slightly sour look. "The Board decided that it was time for a change in personnel."

"At your recommendation," Jim filled in.

Nyota didn't respond, but inclined her head slightly. Jim took a bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly, considering the situation, and the timing of what had happened. He wondered if Nyota made the recommendation before he'd told her about that he was going to be leaving…and suddenly felt like he'd royally screwed her over. Now she was going to be down not one, but two employees who shared some of the same needed skill set.

"Did you make that recommendation because of me? Jesus, I'm sorry Nyota-"

Nyota stopped him before he could continue. "It doesn't matter, Jim. Really. I didn't make the recommendation to let her go because of  _you_. I made it because of her…and I would have regardless of the timeline. She just…she showed me that she doesn't belong here. I'm just sorry it took me as long as it did to see it."

"Not your fault either Nyota," Jim said. "It's not like you let a bad situation continue, and I never felt like I was being singled out. Well…not until recently anyway. I'm just sorry about the position I've put you in. Do you have someone to replace her?"

"Not yet. She actually thought she was being fired because you wanted her job." Nyota paused and looked up at Jim over his desk, her eyes narrowing as she contemplated that for a second.

"What?" Jim asked.

"Do you? Want her job?" Nyota clarified when Jim raised his eyebrows at her in askance. "You want to be a Guidance Counselor – you have the credentials for it now, and I've got an opening."

Jim chuckled and took another bite of his sandwich, then caught Nyota's eyes as she looked at him steadily, and saw that she wasn't kidding. He swallowed what was in his mouth. "Wait, you're serious? Be a Guidance Counselor here? You know the degree isn't exactly official yet, right?"

Nyota nodded. "It's as good as. And why not? You could finish your contracted time with us that way. I'm sure the Board won't mind the switch, especially if I can find someone to take your place in the classroom."

"Which shouldn't be too hard to do," Jim said.

Nyota nodded – that was true. She didn't think she'd be able to find someone quite like Jim, of course, but to find a kindergarten teacher for a school like this…Jim was right. It wouldn't be too difficult.

"Have you talked to the Board about my situation yet?" Jim asked after another moment of silence.

"Not yet. I had already brought them my concerns about Elizabeth before you let me know what was going on with you, and I wanted to deal with that situation first. I have another meeting with them tomorrow. Should I let them know that you're leaving?"

Jim had picked up his napkin and was now tearing it into shreds. He kept his eyes on what he was doing, but he wasn't actually seeing it. Should Nyota tell the board he was leaving….that was a good question. He could stay here, with the people who'd become his extended family. He could expand his role here…finish the year out in his classroom with his kids, and do double duty as an interim Guidance Counselor. Help Nyota find a new teacher for the next year, and then slide fully into the new role. That was an…interesting possibility. On the other hand, working for the county would offer him more opportunities for professional development and putting his shiny new degree to use. He needed more time to think about it.

"Can you hold off on telling the Board anything for a couple of days?" Jim asked.

"Sure," Nyota said lightly, and Jim could hear the optimism in her tone.

"I'm not saying anything one way or the other, Nyota," Jim warned. "I just…need to think about it."  _And I need to talk to Bones._

"Understood," she replied. "I won't get my hopes up."

"Okay."

"Much."

 

* * *

 

Leonard pulled up to the apartment and parked in a spot, noting that Jim's car was already there. He wasn't surprised. It was only a little after three – earlier in the afternoon than Jim usually got home with Joanna, and it was much earlier than Leonard typically made it home on a regular work day. But today was Jim's first day back at work since his surgery, and Leonard was worried that he'd be more wiped out than he anticipated.

They'd gone for a follow-up appointment, just to make sure that everything was healing properly, last Friday, and Jim had gotten a complete clean bill of health. The small incisions were hardly more than scabbed over scratches at this point, and there was no tenderness, no swelling, no redness – nothing to indicate the presence of an infection or some other problem. An ultrasound showed that the only things inside him were supposed to be there, and Jim had no complaints – aside from boredom. He felt ready to get back to work.

However, surgery was surgery, and Leonard knew part of the reason Jim felt so normal was because he'd been taking it easy. Something that Jim, in all his impatient exuberance, couldn't seem to fully grasp. Not a surprise, considering he had almost no experience with the concept of "recovering" from something like this in a normal fashion.

So, he'd made a point to arrange his day to get everything done he had to actually be in the hospital for early, and planned to work at home for a bit. He pulled his briefcase and laptop bag out of the car, then detoured to the mailbox kiosk to grab the mail. He flipped through the junk mail and then the envelopes of real mail…and stopped in his tracks. There was a letter addressed to Jim from the UCSF School of Psychiatry and Psychology, Postgraduate Division. Jim had done the defense of his dissertation about a month and half ago – this was probably the official notice about his degree.

Excitement surged through him for Jim, and he quickly walked to the apartment, letting himself in the front door. Dropping his things on the couch, and all of the mail except the letter for Jim, he paused to listen. It was quiet in the apartment, and he wondered if they weren't home after all. As he headed back to the bedrooms, he could hear the TV on in his bedroom through the wide open door.

Joanna and Jim were resting against the headboard, watching one of the cartoon shows she liked. Jim was propped up on a couple of pillows, legs crossed at the ankles. He'd changed into sweats and a t-shirt and looked pretty good, if a little tired. Joanna had only pulled off her shoes and socks, letting them fall on the floor by the side of the bed, and she was leaning comfortably against Jim's left side, his arm around her.

"Hey guys," Leonard said. "How're you doing?"

"Daddy!" Joanna exclaimed, sitting up. "You're home!"

Jim looked over at him and smiled. "Hey Bones. You're home early."

"Just wanted to make sure my two favorite people were doing okay. Whoa…whoa…be careful of Jim, Baby," Leonard said, reaching over Jim's body to lift Jo up as she started to climb over Jim to get to him.

"I'm fine Bones," Jim said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Leonard had been treating him like he was going to break for the past week. At first, he'd been pretty sore, and he hadn't minded, but that only lasted a day or two. Now he was fine…a little tired, but fine.

Bones looked at him with that expression of fond exasperation as he settled Joanna on his hip.

"I know you're fine. I just want to make sure that doesn't change. How was your day today?"

"Good!" Joanna said. "We have to write a book report."

"You do, huh? Which book did you choose?" Leonard asked, sitting down on the side of the bed. He handed Jim the envelope he'd been holding, watching his expression as he talked to Joanna.

"I haven't decided yet," she said. "Miss Chapel gave us a list. Can we look at it tonight?"

"Sure thing, Baby. Why don't you go change out of your school clothes," Leonard said, setting her down on the floor as he changed his mind about working anymore today. "And maybe we'll go to the park for a little while before dinner, okay?"

"Okay!" she said, heading out of the room. When she'd gone Leonard turned back to Jim.

"And how was your day?" Leonard asked, leaning in to kiss him. "How're you feeling?"

"Just a little more tired than usual. Otherwise, it was a good day."

"Yeah? Things weren't too crazy after being out for a week?"

"Nope. Norma did a great job. Everything was in order, as if I'd been there myself."

"That's good, I'm glad to hear it." He raised his eyebrows and looked down at the letter in his hands. "Could be it's about to get a lot better," he said pointedly.

Jim felt a pang of guilt for not telling Bones earlier that he'd already unofficially heard that he was being granted the degree. There'd just been so much stuff going on…and really there wasn't much to tell until there was something to tell for sure. This letter…this was the 'for sure'.

Taking a breath, Jim tore open the envelope. Leonard watched as he read the first few lines…and broke into a huge smile as Jim's eyes widened. He might've already heard unofficially – but now…now it was for real. He did it.

_James T. Kirk, Ph.D. in Psychology with a focus on Educational Development_

Jim let out the breath he'd been holding in a whoosh, and the next thing he knew he was being thoroughly kissed again, Bones' hands framing his face. Still holding the letter in his hand, he wrapped his arms around Bones and pulled him closer to him. Jim sat up, and Bones moved back to accommodate him. They parted and Bones hugged him, being careful not to squeeze too hard, one hand coming up to his head.

"I'm so, so proud of you," he said.

Over his shoulder, Jim closed his eyes, those words hitting him harder and meaning more than he'd ever thought they would.

"I'm ready!" Joanna said, skipping back into the room. "Can we go now?"

Chuckling, Jim and Leonard let go and turned to look at the little girl. "Go on into the kitchen and get yourself a juicebox to take with us out of the fridge. I just have to change, and then I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

"'Kay," she turned and headed to complete that errand and Leonard turned back to Jim, studying his eyes closely.

"Do you feel up to coming with us?" he asked. Jim hesitated, and that hesitation was answer enough. "Okay…why don't you stay here and take a nap, and then we'll all go out to dinner to celebrate. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect. Where are we going to go?"

"Wherever you want." Leonard leaned forward to kiss Jim again.

"I've got something I want to talk to you about, too, later on," Jim said.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's good. Just…Nyota and I talked during lunch today, and I just want to hear what you think."

Leonard nodded, wondering what it could be. "Okay, we'll talk about it tonight," he said.

"Maybe steak," Jim said thoughtfully, throwing Leonard off for a second at the quick change in subjects.

Leonard rolled his eyes and stood. "Wherever you want," he said again with a smile. He stood and headed to the dresser to pick out something more appropriate for an afternoon at the park. He changed quickly and used the restroom, then came back into the bedroom to see Jim still sitting up, staring mindlessly at the television set. "Why don't you go ahead and lay down," he said, picking up a throw blanket that had been brought in from the family room.

Jim smiled, but moved to comply. "You gonna tuck me in Bones?"

"Yup." He waited until Jim had made himself comfortable, then draped the blanket over him. Jim sighed in contentment and closed his eyes, his body feeling more tired than he'd been willing to admit to himself. He hummed when he felt Bones place a hand on his head and let it trail to his shoulder, squeezing him gently. Leonard picked up the remote control and turned off the TV. "We'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Okay," Jim murmured. Leonard paused at the door to turn off the lights, looking over at Jim for another moment before pulling the door closed slightly and heading down the hall to collect Jo and head to the park to let her burn off some energy for a while.

"Jo, you all set?" Leonard asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Yes! I got pink lemonade for me and I got water for you and Uncle Jim," she said, holding up one of the reusable grocery bags.

"Uncle Jim's going to take a rest while we're at the park, Darlin', and then we're all going to go out to dinner." Leonard started moving Joanna towards the door as they talked, taking the bag of drinks from her.

"Where are we gonna go?"

"I think we'll let Jim decide that. We're celebrating his new degree."

"What's that mean?"

 

* * *

 

By the time Leonard and Joanna got back from the park, Jim was up, looking and feeling much better, and was ready to go. Leonard took a quick shower while Jim helped Joanna clean up, shaking sand out of her shoes, using a washcloth to wipe her down, and carefully drawing a comb through her hair.

"Can you do a braid?" Joanna asked.

"Yup, I can. I had to learn for Kimmie and Janie, so Aurelan taught me. You want one?" Jim asked.

"Yes, please. I have an elastic," Joanna said, settling more fully in front of him. Jim spent a few minutes parting her hair and twisting the sections together. When finished, he smiled a little at his handiwork. He was out of practice, and it was slightly crooked, but it didn't look too bad. He'd just have to practice and learn how to do that again.

Following Jim's earlier suggestion, they did visit a steakhouse for dinner, though one that catered more to families so that Joanna wouldn't be out of place. She generally wasn't a particularly boisterous child, but Leonard was sensitive to the idea that a quiet restaurant wasn't necessarily the place for a six-year-old.

"Since this is a special occasion, because of his new degree, can Uncle Jim get dessert?" Joanna asked at the end of the meal.

Jim broke into a huge smile at that, knowing inherent in the question on his behalf was a slightly more selfish motivation. "Yeah, can I, Bones?" Jim echoed, mirroring Joanna's hopeful expression.

Leonard rolled his eyes at them, and played along. "Since this is a special occasion, Jim can get dessert," he said, exchanging a teasing glance with Jim.

"Just Uncle Jim?" Joanna asked hesitantly. Jim chuckled at her and ruffled her hair. "Hey! You're gonna mess it up!"

"I think, because it's a special occasion, we can get something big enough for all of us to share," Jim said. "How does that sound?"

"Good!" Joanna exclaimed. They spent a couple of minutes deciding which dessert to share, and finally settled on a brownie/vanilla ice cream concoction that satisfied everyone. While they ate, they talked about Joanna's book report, and they looked over the list that had been provided to her. Most of the books listed were bordering on simplistic for her, but Christine Chapel had provided another, smaller list of books that would be more challenging, and definitely more suitable to her reading level, though she wasn't going to require that Joanna choose a book off the supplemental list.

In the end, the decided a trip to the library was necessary and Jim promised to take her after school on Wednesday.

"Why not tomorrow?" Leonard asked.

"Tomorrow's Tuesday," Jim said. "And what do we do on Tuesday?"

"Volunteer!" Joanna said. "I think it's good we're going cause I didn't go last week cause you weren't feeling good yet."

Leonard met Jim's eyes over the table. "You sure you're feeling up to doing that tomorrow?" he asked quietly. "I have to teach, and won't be home until later, and you were pretty tired today."

Jim shrugged. "I should be fine. I don't do much but watch Joanna do her thing, right Jo?"

"Right. I help the teachers with the little kids Daddy. We read, and do puzzles and play games and sometimes play on the playground. Sometimes Uncle Jim helps with the puzzles."

"Okay, just…don't push yourself too much," Leonard said, automatically reaching for Jim's hand across the table. Jim smiled and squeezed back.

"I promise."

Back at home, they went through their nightly routine with Jo, and by eight she was settled in bed. Jim and Leonard changed into pajamas, with Leonard choosing a sweatshirt and pants. He checked the thermostat, feeling a little chilly, and adjusted the heat a bit. He knew Jim had a higher tolerance for cold than he did, and that he didn't like to be too warm, but it was dipping down into the low 50's tonight, quite a bit colder than Leonard or Joanna were used to.

"Jim, would you pull another blanket out of the closet and put it over Jo?" Leonard asked. "I'm going to make some tea. Hot chocolate for you?"

"Uh, you know, I think I'm chocolated out after that brownie. What kind of tea do we have?" he asked, getting the blanket that Leonard requested down. Knowing that Jim was not really a tea drinker, Leonard said he'd make him something he would like, and Jim went to cover Jo.

Now, they were settled in their bedroom, Leonard against the headboard, Jim sitting crosslegged, resting against the footboard. There was a single lamp providing soft light in the room and the chill Leonard had been feeling earlier was mostly gone, the hot tea warming him from the inside. Jim took a small sip from the mug Leonard handed to him and looked up in surprise.

"This isn't too bad," he said. Leonard smiled behind his mug. He'd made Jim a cinammon black tea, dosed liberally with milk and sugar. The result was something that he'd been sure Jim wouldn't mind the taste of, though it wasn't anything Leonard himself would ever drink.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked. "You looked like it was important."

Jim took another sip of the milky tea, then lowered the mug to his lap, cradling it in his hands, his eyes focused somewhere on the bed in front of him.

"Nyota talked to me during lunch today…Dehner is fired."

Leonard's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? Good. Someone like that is nothing but trouble. Her attitudes don't belong in a place with developing brains."

Jim smirked and nodded. "Yeah. Well, now there's a Guidance Counselor position open and…Nyota offered it to me."

Studying Jim's pensive expression, Leonard considered that information for a moment. He knew that as excited Jim was at the prospect of starting his new job as the Guidance Counselor with the county, he still had more than a few reservations about leaving the place and people that had become like a second home to him. Not to mention the fact that Leonard knew the idea of leaving his kids in the middle of the school year was especially troubling to him.

"So what do you think about that?" Leonard asked, keeping his voice and expression carefully neutral.

"I – guess I think it's worth thinking about. I mean – I could finish this year in the classroom and just add interim duty as GC, and then take over completely next year." Jim looked up at Leonard. "I could stay at McKinley that way Bones…finish out the contract I had with the Board, and still be getting the years in my field instead of as a kindergarten teacher. And…then I could find something else – or, maybe there will be another opportunity."

Leonard nodded. "Maybe there would be," he agreed. "And this could be a good way to get some experience under your belt. But – and I don't know the school system all that well – it seems to me the job you've been offered is a rare opportunity. I mean, how many specialized Guidance Counselor positions does the county have?"

"Not many," Jim acknowledged. "You're right about that…it is a rare opportunity."

"And…it's pretty telling to me that they wanted you right off the bat, Jim. Obviously," he continued, when Jim looked up at him questioningly. "Some big decision-makers think you already have enough experience, and have something you can bring to this position that the county needs."

Jim smiled a little at that, his eyes going back to the comforter in front of him. "Thanks."

"No reason to thank me – it's not just an empty compliment. My point is, I don't think this is the kind of job they'd offer to just anyone."

"So you think I should take the county job and leave in the middle of the year," Jim said.

"Well…I think the county job may be worth more professionally in the long run. What bothers you the most about leaving McKinley in the middle of the year?"

"Leaving the kids," Jim said automatically, looking up at him, his blue eyes earnest. "I mean, I know they would be fine – Nyota will be able to find someone else probably better at teaching kindergarten than me. It was never something I thought I'd be doing anyway. But…I feel  _responsible_ for them, you know? They're mine for now, and I promised them a great year. And what will they think if I have to tell them I'm leaving to do something else?"

Leonard nodded, thinking about how dedicated Jim was to his students, how much it meant to him personally to give them a good introduction to their formal schooling years, how sensitive he was to their perception of him.

"Maybe you should let…who is it that offered you the job?"

"Head of the Office for Student Guidance and Educational Psychology, Liam McInnis."

"Maybe you should let Liam McInnis know how much leaving in the middle of the year bothers you. I mean, they wanted you for the same reasons you don't want to leave the kids. If he has any sense, he'll recognize the benefit of letting you finish the year out, and start with them fresh."

Jim considered that for a minute, then shook his head. "He's not going to hold this job for me, Bones. There are plenty of more qualified people who would take the job tomorrow."

Leonard sighed and rolled his eyes. He wasn't getting it. "Jim – out of all the people who have various levels of qualification and experience in the whole Unified County of San Francisco School District, Liam offered this job to  _you_. He wants  _you_ \- the person who developed a curriculum program for gifted children, who ran workshops focusing on learning styles and disabilities, who did a full-fledged psychology Ph.D. instead of a Masters in psych with an education Ph.D. He wants you, for all of these reasons, and more that I'm sure I don't even know about. So…use that, Jim. Ask…sincerely…and see what he says. If he says no, then you have a decision to make. If he says he can make that work…then things get a lot easier."

Jim had been listening intently, and he stared at Leonard for a moment after he'd finished. He'd never thought of it that way. He never really thought he was anything all that special. But looking at the situation way Bones saw it – it was like finally seeing the picture hidden within a larger mosaic of colorful shapes.

Holding his cup of tea in one hand, Jim shifted his position, leaning forward and moving towards Bones on the bed. When he was close enough, he put his mug on the bedside table, and then took Bones' mug from him and set it on the table as well. Bones raised an eyebrow as Jim leaned over his body, his hands braced on either side of Bones' hips, a little smile on his face.

"Thank you," Jim said, inches from Bones' lips.

"For what?"

"For seeing me. You always see me."

Jim leaned forward and kissed Bones softly, pressing with his tongue and moaning when Bones opened for him. He sighed at the feel of Bones settling his hands at his hips, and lowered his body to make contact with him.

" _Uh,_ … Bones," Jim whispered against his mouth. Bones shifted under him, making Jim close his eyes at the sensation.

"You're still healing," Leonard whispered, feeling the intent in Jim's body as he reacted to the gentle pressure.

"It's been more than a week. I'm healed already," Jim said, a little impatience slipping into his tone. Jim smiled teasingly, settling himself more fully on Bones, feeling his reaction and seeing it in the heat of his eyes. "C'mon Bones…since this is a special occasion…"

Leonard rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I don't want you to strain yourself," he said.

"I won't…I'm fine," Jim said. Leonard shook his head and grasped Jim's arms, gently urging Jim over to the side. They shifted so that Leonard was kneeling and Jim was lying on his back.

"I want you to just lie back…and don't strain yourself," Leonard said, his voice low as he looked into Jim's eyes with a boldness that was becoming more and more familiar to him, and an undeniable heat that made Jim's breath catch. He swallowed and nodded, settling back on the pillow as Leonard shifted so that he was kneeling over him, straddling his hips. Jim's lips curled into a little smile, his hands sliding up Bones' strong legs, squeezing the muscled thighs.

Bones slid his hands up under Jim's shirt, skimming over sensitive skin, his thumbs rubbing over Jim's nipples. Jim raised his arms as Bones eased the shirt up and over his head and dropped it to the side. He leaned forward, reaching for the bedside table drawer and the bottle of lube inside. He smiled as Jim groaned and arched under him, trying for more contact.

"A little excited there, Jim?" Leonard asked.

"A  _week_ , Bones," Jim said, the beginnings of desperation in his voice.

"Oh, trust me, Darlin', I know."

Jim let out a little huff of laughter, his eyes twinkling. "Take off your sweatshirt, Bones," he said, tugging at the edge of the material. "I'll keep you warm."

Leonard smiled slightly and did as he was asked, kneeling up over him. Jim sat up enough to slide his hands up Bones' stomach and chest, and over those sturdy shoulders. He spared a moment to appreciate what he had with Bones now…that they were so comfortable together, that Bones was comfortable enough with  _him_ to be so free with his body, and that he got to see Bones this way. He did, and no one else.

Holding Jim's gaze with only a touch of the old self-consciousness in his eyes, Leonard leaned forward, easing Jim back down and kissing Jim thoroughly, and then moved down his body. Jim gasped as Bones tongued and kissed his neck, clenched his hands around Bones' arms when he moved down his chest, lips and tongue playing over one nipple as his fingers gently rubbed and squeezed the other.

Jim groaned again, panting as his body shivered. Bones looked up at him, a wicked look in his eyes as he switched sides. Each touch of Bones' fingers and tongue sent a line of heat straight to Jim's cock, and he twitched against the cotton of his pants. Bones finally, finally moved further down, pressing kisses over Jim's torso, his fingers ghosting over Jim's right side. The small incisions were nearly completely healed. Martine and her team did good work.

"Bones, man…c'mon," Jim said, shifting restlessly. "I thought you said you didn't want me to strain myself."

Leonard hummed, and then slipped his hands into Jim's waistband, but didn't pull them all the way down yet. Instead, he spent a couple of moments placing sucking kisses on Jim's lower belly, making the muscles jump with ticklishness as Jim gasped and squirmed, his breath coming faster and he had to bite his lip to keep from giggling. His hands settled on Bones' head, but he didn't push him away, though it was a close thing. Despite the ticklish sensation, every kiss and teasing touch on Jim's lower belly made him throb, and his hips jerked slightly.

Bones finally gave him a break and settled himself to the side of Jim's body. He hesitated for a moment, watching the rapid rise and fall of Jim's chest as he caught his breath and took a moment to just take him in and appreciate the beauty of the body in front of him, and even better, the beauty of the person Jim was. Looking down at him, Bones reveled in what they had with each other – this, and everything else. This life they had together now. Sometimes, it still seemed too good to be true.

He rubbed his thumbs in circles over Jim's hips, then pushed the sweats down. Jim lifted his hips to help him, and then eagerly took matters into his own hands, pushing them the rest of the way down his legs and kicking them off. Bones took the opportunity to sit back and squeeze some of the lube into his hand. Jim hissed, his hips thrusting uncontrollably a couple of times when Bones closed his hand around his erection, after being aroused for so long, the contact was almost overwhelming. Jim's breath rushed in and out of him as he dropped his head back down on the pillow, squeezing his eyes closed as he clutched at Bones' shoulders.

Leonard watched as a becoming flush of arousal worked its way up Jim's chest to his neck and face. Gradually, the tense muscles of his arms and stomach relaxed as Leonard just held him, not moving his hand over the sensitive flesh at all. He watched as the almost-pained expression on Jim's face slowly smoothed out. Leonard gave him a couple of gentle strokes, his hand loosely enclosing Jim's cock, barely giving him any pressure at all.

"Oh, god…Bones…" Jim's hips moved as if to thrust into his grip, and Leonard responded by slightly tightening his hand and stilling his movements.

"You let me do the work, Jim," Leonard said.

"Well then  _do something_ Bones!" Jim panted. Leonard smiled and kissed him deeply, leaning over the length of his body. He gave him a slow, tantalizingly firm stroke and caught Jim's moan in his mouth. He did it again, and again…and Jim arched under him, squeezing his eyes closed against the onslaught of sensation as Leonard fell into a excruciatingly slow rhythm. Kissing, breathing each other's air, Leonard stroked Jim base to tip and back down again and Jim moaned and clutched at Leonard, pressing up as much as he could as his hips rolled with Bones' movements.

As he stroked Jim, Leonard rubbed against his leg, the friction of the fabric of his sweatpants against sensitive skin as he moved teasing him and making his heart race. Gasping together, kissing, their chests and limbs slick with sweat, Leonard was relentless in the pace he set, and Jim grunted with each stroke, a heat and pressure coiling deep inside of him. Jim broke a kiss needing to breathe, each shaky breath carrying a plea for  _more_.

"Bones… _uh_ …so good," Jim shuddered hard as Leonard dragged a thumb over his cockhead. "Ooh, please, Bones." Clutching at whatever he could reach, Jim felt like he was going to fly apart in a million pieces. Dimly, he registered that Bones was thrusting against him, and he worked a hand down between their bodies, working the waistband of Bones' sweatpants down around his hips.

Leonard gasped against Jim's neck at the feeling of Jim's hand closing around him. Gathering enough brain cells to focus, Jim let his hand slide up and down Bones' cock, slick with precum. Bones' hips jerked and he thrust into Jim's grip.

They stroked each other, struggling towards release and relief from the hot tension pulling taut within them. Moaning, their lips meeting again and again in between uncontrollable cries, they worked each other to the edge. Feeling that Jim was close, his body trembling and arching, Leonard changed sped up slightly, and moments later, Jim's whole body clenched, hanging for measureless seconds in that space in between, until Leonard stroked up, and let the palm of his hand rub over Jim's cockhead. And then with a soundless cry, Jim's body was jerking spasmodically under Leonard as he spurted messily between them. Leonard murmured to him quietly as he rode it out, stroking him through it, following the movement of his hips and feeling the way his muscles shook with the force of his orgasm.

Gasping, spent, Jim slowly came back to himself, and realized that Bones hadn't come yet. Letting himself rest for a moment, he felt that Bones was moving against him, thrusting into his loosened grip. With an effort, Jim raised his arm around Bones' shoulders and held him close, feeling his hot breath hit his neck with every explosive exhale. Jim tightened his grip, and started moving his hand again, in counterpoint to the movement of Bones' hips, but the angle wasn't great, and after a minute or so, Jim gently pushed at his shoulders, urging him to change position.

They shifted, and Bones ended up on his back with Jim sitting beside him. He dropped kisses all over Bones' face – his eyelids, his cheeks, his mouth – while pulling the sweatpants down further until they were kicked off and discarded somewhere over the side of the bed. Hard and straining, Bones' cock curved up and rested on his belly. Jim grasped it at the base, leaned down, and dragged his tongue up and down the underside, stopping to pay particular attention to the sensitive head with his tongue, sweeping around the crown and over the slit to collect the drops of moisture that gathered there, making Bones groan and his hips jerk. Jim lay a forearm across his belly to keep him from moving too much, and took Bones in his mouth again.

Leonard gripped a handful of the blankets and held on, channeling his desire to start thrusting into Jim's mouth into that desperate grip. His body broke out in goosebumps and he shivered when Jim sucked gently at the head, and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He'd spent so much time on the edge already… Gasping, he reached down and threaded his fingers through Jim's hair, then gently gripped him as Jim worked to bring him to orgasm.

Jim could feel Bones' thighs shaking with the urge to move, and he sucked at the head, wrapping one had around the shaft and stroking – and that did it.

 _"J-Jim!"_ Bones cried out. His hips stuttered as he started to come, trying to stop himself from thrusting and not being entirely successful. He stifled a cry as much as he could, clenching his teeth, eyes squeezed shut as wave after wave crashed over him. Jim kept his mouth on him until the hot, slick slide of his tongue got to be too much on over-sensitized skin, then Leonard pulled the hair in his grip gently, shaking too hard to get an intelligible word out.

Jim understood, though, and finally released him with one more kiss that made him jerk again. Jim crawled up his body and collapsed down next to him, his head on Bones' chest, listening to his heart racing in concert with the breath rushing over his head.

As his breathing slowed, Jim raised his head and met Bones' lips. They kissed softly, with none of the urgency, but all of the passion, of before. Jim smiled, meeting Bones' hazel eyes that held so much, and brushed sweaty bangs back, his hand moving to cup Bones' face, a thumb rubbing over his cheekbone. Jim kissed him again, sighing contentedly as Bones wrapped an arm around him, holding him close.

They drifted, warm in each other's embrace, languid and boneless, until Jim stirred. He wanted them to be comfortable, and if they fell asleep like they were, they wouldn't be.

Understanding Jim's intent, Bones sat up with him, and with no need to interrupt the quiet that enveloped them now, they took a couple of minutes to clean up a little, stripping a sheet that was too messy to keep and rearranging the blankets, and finally turning off the single light in the room.

Settling back down together, Leonard drew the blanket up over their naked bodies. Lying in the darkness in their customary position, Leonard smiled when he felt Jim entwine their fingers and hold their joined hands against his chest. Moving a leg over Jim's, Leonard pressed close to him.

Their breathing slowed and matched, the sound and rightness of it comforting and familiar, lulling them into a deep, restful sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim makes a career decision, they discuss Thanksgiving plans, and Joanna surprises everyone.

"Jim – what are you doing?" Leonard asked, a bemused smile on his face as he came into their bedroom. Jim was sorting through about ten of Leonard's ties, and a few of his own shirts and some pants that were all laid out on the bed.

Jim looked up at him a little sheepishly. "Can I borrow one of these?" he asked, holding up a couple of the ties. "I think the only one I have is, like eight years old. And…I'm not really sure where it is."

"Well – of course. But why?" Leonard asked. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached to straighten one of the few button down shirts Jim owned so it wouldn't wrinkle.

"I took your advice and set up a meeting with Liam McInnis to discuss deferring the new job until the end of this year," Jim said. "We're going to meet tomorrow for lunch – Diane's going to cover for me - and I just…want to make sure he knows I'm serious. So I figured I'd dress the part. Just trying to figure out what that is."

Leonard nodded, registering that Jim had made a decision. He was going to try to make the job with the county work without giving up the rest of the year. He selected a blue tie that was a darker shade of Jim's eye color. "This one. With a white shirt and…these pants."

Jim picked up the pieces of clothing and eyed them with a certain amount of distaste, obviously imagining what it would be like to go through a whole day teaching dressed like that. And…it just wasn't Jim. It didn't fit him at all, Leonard knew.

"Or, you could go as  _you_ , Jim," he said. He stood and started putting the unselected clothes back on their hangers and draping them over the end of the bed. Jim gathered the ties and added them to the pile, leaving it all there to put away later. Leonard caught Jim's hand and urged him back to the bed. Still in jeans and shirts, they lay on top of the comforter, lounging against the pillows. Jim sighed and closed his eyes, feeling comfortable with Leonard's arm around him and his head resting on his shoulder.

"I just…really want this to work out," Jim said, voicing his true feelings about it for the first time. "Working at McKinley as a Guidance Counselor would be great, but it feels too much like a dead end. There's no place to move, and I want to make a difference to kids who  _really_ need it. I want this county job Bones. But, I don't want to leave McKinley in the middle of the year. I feel like this is my one shot to get it right."

"I know Darlin'. I know how much you want this. And you deserve it. And, I think you'll get it. But I don't think you have to change anything about yourself to get it. Just be the person Liam offered the job to. You don't have to be anything else."

Jim lifted his head and kissed him, pulling back with a smile. "How come you always know what to say for stuff like this?"

Leonard shrugged. "Practice. I've been doing it longer than you have. The world of academia isn't a whole lot different than the medical realm – and there's a lot of overlap. A lot of doctors exist with one foot in each pool."

"Like you," Jim said, referring to the fact that at this point in his career, Leonard was primarily a teacher and a researcher.

"Exactly. In any case, I really don't think whether or not you wear a tie is going to matter all that much to Liam. I doubt it was your sense of fashion that drew his attention in the beginning."

"Hey," Jim said with a chuckle. "Should I be insulted?"

"Nah – you've got a lot more going for you than that. I didn't care about your sense of fashion either."

Jim chuckled again and tightened his hold on Leonard in a one-armed hug.

"You think this is going to work out the way I want it to?" Jim asked, after another moment.

"Yeah, I absolutely do, Jim," Leonard said with a certainty so complete, Jim wondered how he could doubt.

"Maybe I'll just wear that blue shirt you like," Jim said. "I'd probably get paint or something on your tie anyway."

"Mmm. True. And you do look real good in that blue shirt," Leonard said with a small smile.

"Let me up," Jim said. "I'm going to put everything else away and take shower. Joanna's in bed right?"

Leonard nodded, knowing exactly where Jim was going next.

"Before you do, I wanted to ask you something," he said.

Jim settled back down, looking at him curiously. "What's up?"

"When I was putting Jo to bed, she asked why we don't say bedtime prayers and won't God be angry at her if she doesn't. I was just wondering where she got that from. I've never really talked to her about God or religion."

Jim heard the question in that statement… _"Was it you?"_

"I know that Aurelan has Janie and Kim say prayers at bedtime. She's slept over enough that I'm sure she's been a part of that. But no, I haven't said anything to her." Jim paused, looking at Leonard contemplatively. "Does it bother you?"

He hesitated before answering…that was a difficult question.

"My mother feels the way she does about us because of religion," Leonard said, instead of answering directly.

Jim inclined his head, acknowledging that point.

"I…I think it would kill me if Joanna ever looked at me with the…contempt…I've seen from other people when we're out together," Leonard admitted.

Jim pressed his lips together tightly, hating that Bones even had to be concerned with that…and that he even knew what that kind of bigotry looked like. Jim was…not necessarily used to it, but not surprised by it…he'd been dealing with it for much longer.

"And anyway," Leonard continued. "I personally don't believe in any of that. I believe in science."

"I believe in it," Jim said. "Some of it."

"I know you do, and I know your family does. I just…don't understand how you make that work. How do you reconcile a belief in a set of rules and moral codes that tell you what we have will be what seals the deal for eternal damnation?" Leonard asked.

Jim shrugged and thought about it for a minute. It was difficult to explain something that was so much more a feeling than anything concrete.

"I suppose it's the difference between believing in a religion and having faith. I pretty much consider myself Methodist, but I could go to a Lutheran, Protestant, Baptist or even a Catholic service and be fine with it. It's not the religion that I care about. It's the faith…that we're not alone, that there is a bigger picture, even if I can't see it. And nothing anyone ever says will ever convince me that love, real love, for another person is the result of something evil. As far as I'm concerned, the fact that we have the ability to experience selfless love for others is all the proof of God's existence that I've ever needed." Jim smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to Leonard's lips. "I don't think luck or coincidence landed Joanna in my classroom all the way from Georgia, Bones."

Leonard smiled and drew his hand through Jim's hair, cupped the back of his head gently, thinking about that for a moment.

"Well, I don't know if I'll ever change my mind to your way of thinking, Darlin', but I like your take on things. I was pretty vague with Joanna tonight, and she'll probably bring it up again. I…won't mind if you want to share what you believe with her."

Jim smiled, touched that Bones would trust him with something like this with Jo, especially considering his own lack of belief. That Bones would allow Jim to be so interwoven with Jo's life, especially in this way, was just…beyond words.

 

* * *

_I know we'd originally said you would come to me for Thanksgiving this year_ , Hannah McCoy wrote.  _But seeing as how your situation has changed, I wasn't certain if that was still what you were planning to do. I would love for you and Jo to be here – I miss you both so much. But I'll understand if you decide to stay in California. If you decide to come, Jim would be welcome too_.

"So…what do you think?" Leonard hesitantly asked. Jim looked up from the laptop's screen, meeting his eyes over the kitchen table, taking a second before answering. They were trying to decide what to do about Thanksgiving, which was just two weeks away. Leonard had explained how he'd originally planned to do Thanksgiving in Georgia – a promise made to his mother and daughter when they first moved to California.

"But Jim," Leonard said, after he'd explained the situation. "Mom and I talked about that more than nine months ago. Things were very, very different then."

Jim had then asked if he could read the email, to try to get a feel for what Hannah had been thinking when she typed it, and Leonard had hesitated, not wanting Jim to be hurt by the way the careless and dismissive way his mother had worded it.

"It's okay, Bones," Jim had said sincerely. "I understand your mom isn't happy about us. I know it's not me."

So, Leonard had showed him the email, and despite Jim's assurance, Leonard could see that Jim wasn't quite as unaffected as he'd said he was going to be. Leonard sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Can I call her?" Jim asked finally.

"You want to call my mom? Why?"

"I want to ask her how she would feel if I did come with you. I want to ask her directly. Cause this email doesn't really sound that bad to me. I mean, she doesn't sound thrilled, but she doesn't sound like it would ruin the holiday for her either. And…well…I'd kinda like to go. I think you and Joanna should go, and I -" Jim looked away for a second, his lips curling into a small smile. "I'd like to be with my family for Thanksgiving," he met Bones' eyes again. "But not if my being there is going to make your mom – and your time with her – miserable. And I need to hear it for myself."

Leonard sat back in his chair, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He hated that something as simple as Thanksgiving holiday plans were so complicated. It shouldn't be this way.

"Jim…of course you can call her. But…even if she were completely welcoming and accepting of us – of what we are to each other – there are going to be other relatives there. I've got a couple of cousins who have kids younger than Jo to older than Kimmie who always come. There's my Aunt Charlotte – Ma's sister – who's…less than wordly, and dinner usually includes some family friends, too. We're talking about 20 people…that's just a lot of people."

"So, a whole gaggle of McCoy's, huh? Any Hatfield's?" Jim asked with a smile. "Cause that could make dinner really interesting."

Leonard huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes. "Jim…"

"Bones-" Jim stood and walked over to him. He put his hands on Bones' shoulders and leaned down, looking into his eyes purposefully. "Let me talk to your mom, and then we'll figure it out. Okay?"

"Okay."

So, they'd called her, and Jim was as direct as he said he was going to be, his voice calm even as his knee bounced nervously…and it had gone as well as could be expected.

"Hannah, I appreciate that you've always been honest with me, and I want that to continue," Leonard heard Jim say. He was trying to give him privacy to make this call, but he couldn't help himself…he anxiously hovered outside the kitchen in the family room area. "I know you're not completely okay with what I am to your son, but I love him. And I love Jo. And I want them to be able to enjoy their time with you and the rest of their family. So, I guess I just want to make sure that my presence isn't going to take away from that."

Hannah made it clear that Jim was welcome because Leonard was welcome. She was also clear that she would expect them to downplay their relationship…if they were going to stay with her, it would be in separate rooms. And as they curbed their actions toward each other when Hannah was visiting Leonard earlier in the year, she wouldn't accept anything less than that in her own home.

"As far as the rest of the family goes, Jim…honestly I'm not quite sure what to tell you to expect. I reckon some of them won't bat an eye – aside being surprised by Leonard's change in…mind," she said, doing her best to articulate something she didn't understand at all. "And it's possible that some will be…not very accepting. But I won't tolerate anything less than civility towards my son, his guest, and my granddaughter. If you come, you will be welcome here."

Jim ended the call a few moments later with a sigh. Although not particularly surprising, he was honest enough with himself to acknowledge that he was a little disappointed with the way that call had gone. And he knew what he had to do.

Leaving the phone on the handset in the kitchen, Jim entered the family room and rolled his eyes at the deliberately leisurely pose Bones had struck on the couch, magazine in hand. He avoided Bones' questioning glance as he moved to join him, leaning into his side. He was quiet, trying to figure out how to say this without making Bones feel guilty. He wanted Bones and Jo to go to Georgia for Thanksgiving…but without him. It would be better that way.

The longer Jim stayed quiet, the more worried Leonard got. He never really thought that his mother would say anything to hurt Jim – especially because he'd made it clear to her how he felt about the situation, and that if it became a choice, the choice would be Jim until she could get her act together. But he also knew it was completely possible that distant, cool Southern gentility his mother relied on when unhappy with something, or someone, could be just as hurtful.

"Jim?" Leonard said after a few moments. "How did it go?"

"Fine…it went fine. I – um – " Jim paused and Leonard took his hand, absently rubbing his thumb in circles over the back of it.

"Tell me," Leonard said.

Jim sighed and looked up at him. "I think that you and Jo should go to Georgia for Thanksgiving – and I think that I should stay here."

Leonard's heart sank at hearing the carefully delivered words, and knew that Jim was trying his best to keep the hurt at bay.

"Did she say something – "

"No…no," Jim said quickly. "Hannah didn't say anything hurtful…nothing like that. She was just…very honest…about what things might be like, and your trip home shouldn't be…"

"Uncle Jim! Uncle Jim!" Janie banged through the back door to the apartment in the kitchen, yelling. Both men were on their feet in seconds, and met her at the doorway.

"What's wrong Janie?" Jim asked, looking her over quickly.

"Janie, where's Jo?" Leonard asked, the wide blue eyes on the little girl making his heart race.

"Come with me, to the pool area! Come on!"

Panic gripped Leonard and he sprinted out the backdoor, barely even registering that his bare feet were hitting the concrete painfully as he ran around the back, following the path from the back garden to the pool area, Jim right behind him. He didn't even think he was breathing as he realized he could hear Joanna shouting.

"HEY!" Leonard bellowed furiously. Two boys, who he didn't recognize, were tossing something back and forth between them, around a corner of the deep end of the pool. Joanna was yelling at one of them, and the boy pushed her away, causing her to stumble and fall backwards on her rear end. He couldn't tell if her head hit the cement or not.

"You two! What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled, pulling the pool gate open hard enough to make it bounce off the side of the fence. The boy holding the… _kitten,_  Leonard realized.  _It's a little kitten_ …tossed it into the pool's deep end, and he and his friend took off towards the back of the pool area. Joanna, who was already on her feet, realized that the kitten was in the pool and jumped in before Leonard could stop her.

"Oh, shit…" he muttered under his breath. Joanna could swim…she was an excellent swimmer. But it was fifty degrees today, and she was wearing sneakers, jeans, a sweater, an undershirt…a lot of heavy material…not to mention the fact that the pool wasn't heated. He could see she was already struggling as she tried to reach the kitten. The kitten was struggling too, weakly thrashing, its head barely above water. Joanna reached the kitten as Leonard jumped into the water after her, the shock of cold hitting with an almost physical force. Dimly, he registered that Jim was running after the boys across the pool area to the back gate. Trying to hold the kitten above the water in her hands, her head went under water despite her kicking legs.

Reaching her, Leonard hauled her up by the back of her sweater, and she sputtered as her head broke the surface. With Joanna holding the kitten, and Leonard holding Joanna, he made his way to the edge of the pool, and then Jim was there, pulling Joanna out of the water for him. Leonard hoisted himself up onto the edge right behind her.

"The kitten!" Joanna cried. "Is it okay? Daddy? I don't think it's breathing!"

"What were you two doing over here?" Leonard yelled angrily, looking from Janie to Joanna as his fingers explored the back of Joanna's head, making sure she wasn't hurt when she was pushed. "You were not to leave the backyard!"

"We saw the boys run by, and they were hurting it!" Janie piped up, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Daddy – the kitten!" Joanna sobbed around chattering teeth. "Is it dead? Can you save it?"

Jim stripped off his shirt and held it out in his hands.

"Put her here, Jo," Jim said. "I'll warm her up…I think she's just really cold and waterlogged."

Sniffling, Jo placed the kitten in Jim's hands. Gently, he rubbed the small body, trying to get some warmth back into it and silently willing it to breathe.

"They took off down the block…I don't think they live here," Jim said.

"Yeah, I didn't recognize them," Leonard replied.

"Is it ok-kay, Uncle J-jim?" Joanna asked. Leonard took one look at Joanna – soaked, teeth chattering, blue lips – and scooped her up in his arms.

"Come on…back to the apartment now," Leonard said shortly.

He was angry. He was angry with Jo and Janie for leaving the back garden without telling them. He was angry with Jo for confronting boys more than twice her age instead of coming to get him right away. And most of all, he was angry with himself for not watching her more carefully. For thinking that letting her play in the back garden with Janie was safe enough while he and Jim stayed in the house. For possibly almost losing her.  _Again._

And, under all of that, he was also proud. His daughter…his quiet, reserved daughter…had stood up to two older kids to protect something small and helpless. So, yeah, he was angry. But he was also proud.

Janie was sniffling beside him as they walked back to the apartment, Joanna was quietly crying against his chest, and Leonard felt a little bad for yelling them like that. Not that it was even really his place to yell at Janie, but whatever. He kissed Joanna's head and held her a little tighter as she started to shiver against him.

"Come on, kitty, come on," Jim muttered beside him. Leonard looked over at him, watching as he gently rubbed the little body, trying to stimulate it into a reaction. Another moment later his efforts paid off, and they heard a little meow. Jim met Leonard's eyes with a smile and opened his hands to show him the little orange tabby kitten. It was shivering, but its eyes were open and it was crying. Good signs.

"Hey girls, I think the kitten is okay," Jim said, wanting to stop their tears. "Hear it meowing? I think it's going to be fine."

"Jim, can you…"

"Yeah," he said. "Janie and I will find a vet, and then I'll drop her off at home…it was time anyway."

Leonard nodded. "Okay, thanks."

Once they were back in the apartment, Jim grabbed another shirt, leaving the kitten wrapped up in the other, and Leonard took Jo into her bathroom to strip her of her soaked clothing and put her in a warm shower. He left her briefly to go into his bedroom to quickly change, leaving his sodden clothing on the floor of the bathroom and went right back to her. She'd stopped shivering and her lips were their normal color again, so he turned off the water, wrapped her in a towel and brought her back to her bedroom.

"Are you mad at me Daddy?" Joanna asked, standing passively as he dried her off, her lower lip quivering again.

Leonard hesitated before answering, and then said, "I'm mad that you left the back garden. You know you're not allowed to do that, Jo. Arms up."

Jo raised her arms and he pulled a shirt over her head. Jo brushed her hair out of her face then pulled on the underwear Leonard handed her. "But Daddy, the boys -"

"No, Joanna," Leonard said firmly, kneeling in front of her and holding her around her waist. "You listen to me, young lady. You are not to leave the back garden. _Especially_ not without telling me. Understand?"

" _Yes_ , Daddy, but the stupid boys were going to hurt that kitten!" Joanna held her father's gaze defiantly for a moment, before looking away again. And Leonard decided that this flash of independence and strength should be acknowledged – and, hopefully, nurtured.

"Jo," he said. "I am very proud of you for the way you wanted to help when you saw something happening that was wrong. You're a good person, Baby. But, in the future, I want you to come get me or Jim, or another adult you trust, if you see something wrong and we'll help you take care of it, okay?"

Joanna nodded. "Okay, I will."

"Promise?"

Jo smiled and nodded again. "Promise."

"Okay. Give me a kiss." Leonard said. Joanna gave him a kiss, her little arms wrapped around his neck in a hug. "Love you, Baby."

"I love you, Daddy. I have a question."

"Yes?" Leonard asked, pretty sure of that the question was. He held a pair of pants for Joanna and she put her hands on his shoulders to keep her balance as she stepped in them.

"Can we keep the kitten?"


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A decision about Thanksgiving is made, a new family member settles in, and the Thanksgiving holiday begins.

"So what's the real deal with the cat? Is it going to be okay?" Leonard asked, looking at Jim's reflection. Jim carefully drew the razor up his neck and over his jaw, then met Leonard's eyes in the mirror.

"Well, like I said, it's a boy. He's about seven weeks old, maybe a bit younger. He's undersized right now, which means he wasn't being fed properly. He was slightly hypothermic and they wanted to make sure he didn't develop an infection from inhaling water, so they're gonna keep an eye on him."

"And then he'll go to a shelter?"

"They said they'd hold him for a week, in case his owner comes looking for him, and if no one claims him, he'll go to an animal rescue. But they don't expect anyone to be looking for him, Bones. He wasn't being properly cared for."

"Hm," Leonard said, hearing the opening, but not taking it. He went back to brushing his teeth, waiting for it…waiting…

Jim went back to shaving, moving out of the way so Leonard could spit and rinse his toothbrush.

"You know," Jim said nonchalantly a moment later, as he rinsed his razor. "Jo's been really, really good with the hamster."

_And there it is,_ Leonard thought with fond amusement.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, she has," Jim confirmed. "Usually she reminds  _me_ that we have to clean its cage. And you know she changes its water and food every night. She's extremely conscientious about it." He splashed water on his face and grabbed a towel to dry himself off, then turned to lean against the counter while they talked.

Suppressing a smile, Leonard decided to throw Jim a bone. He was trying so hard to get his point across. "Very true. You were right about it being good for her."

Jim visibly brightened at that and recognized the opening for what it was. "She already feels responsible for that cat," he said. Leonard nodded. It was true. The moment Jim returned from dropping Janie off at home and the cat at the vet, Joanna had fairly demanded that Jim tell her exactly what the vet said, asking again and again if she managed to get it out of the water in time, if it was okay…if it had someone to take care of it. "I think she's ready to be responsible for a cat."

"So do I," Leonard replied simply. He rinsed his toothbrush and put it away, turning to look at Jim who looked properly surprised.

"You do?"

"Yes. I think we should keep the cat. As long as no one claims it."

Jim broke into a huge smile and pushed off the counter to sidle up to Bones, leaning in to kiss him.

"You'd already decided to let her keep the cat, and you let me pitch it to you anyway."

Leonard shrugged, turning to face Jim and place his hands on his slim hips, kissing him again.

"I wanted to see if you could convince me," Leonard said teasingly.

"I was sure I could."

"Oh yeah?"

Jim nodded, giving him a cheeky smile. "Yup. So sure, I already bought supplies. They're in my car."

Leonard blinked, and then shook his head with a chuckle. "You're unbelievable."

Jim's smile widened and he kissed Leonard again, pressing close to him. "Oh, you love it."

"You know I do," Leonard replied.

"Wanna show me how much?" Jim asked suggestively, winding his arms around Leonard's neck.

Leonard smiled, reaching to brush Jim's shower-damp hair away from his forehead. "Definitely," he said. "But we need to talk first…we need to figure out Thanksgiving."

Jim's smile faltered, and he sighed, moving away from Leonard slightly. "Well that's a mood killer," he said.

"I know…I'm sorry, but we need to figure out what we're doing, and make the flight reservations soon – preferably by tomorrow, or we may not be able to get a flight at all without having to spend an arm and a leg," Leonard said, following Jim back into the bedroom.

Jim allowed himself to flop gracelessly on the bed, unhappy with having to revisit this subject, but understanding Bones' desire to. It's not like they actually decided anything before being interrupted by the cat rescue.

"I think you and Jo should go," Jim said, repeating what he'd said earlier. "And I think I should stay here. Simple."

"No, it's not simple Jim," Leonard said, joining him on the bed and nudging him out of the way. Jim moved over and sat up against the headboard. Leonard hesitated for a moment, observing Jim's body language. He seemed more…closed off…than usual. And unhappy. And it hurt Leonard to know that there was probably very little he could do to address the cause of his unhappiness. He couldn't control how other people acted. All he could control was what he did.

"It's not that simple," Leonard said again. "Thanksgiving is about being around the people you love…people you're thankful for. And for me and Jo, that's you."

"It's okay Bones. You've got family in Georgia, I have family here. We'll do Christmas together. That's my favorite holiday." Jim smiled – but it didn't reach his eyes, and Leonard wasn't going to be so easily placated.

"No," Leonard said.

"No?"

He shook his head. "I've got a family and you've got a family…but we – you, me, Jo – we're a family now. And I know that going to my mom's would be – " Leonard paused, searching for the right word. " – challenging," he settled. "And I don't think it's right to put you and Jo through that. So, we can stay here…or, maybe we can go somewhere and do our own thing. Have our own Thanksgiving."

Jim looked up with interest at that, his eyes bright with the possibilities of the three of them getting away together. "Like where?"

Leonard shrugged. "Anywhere. We can rent a timeshare condo or something like that, have a week's vacation, make Thanksgiving dinner…"

Jim reached out to Leonard, and he settled on him, relaxing easily into Jim's embrace and resting his head against Jim's chest. Jim was quiet for a moment, thinking of what Leonard was offering him. An easy solution, an easy way out of this problem. And it was tempting…very tempting.

But in the end, he would be running away from a situation that was inevitable. He couldn't avoid Bones' family forever…nor did he want to. And besides, if they never took the initiative, nothing would change. And, it might even get a little worse. Because right now, Hannah was only struggling with Jim in the context of what he and Leonard were to each other. If their relationship kept them away from her, then it was a very real possibility that Hannah would start to see Jim as the reason she didn't get to see her son and granddaughter. Definitely not a good thing.

And then there was Jo to think about. How could they really explain to her, in a way that would make sense to the six-year-old, why she wasn't going to get to see her grandmother. It wasn't as if she wasn't aware that Thanksgiving was right around the corner…she'd been telling Jim about the barn and the big house and the river that ran through the property for a couple of weeks now. She was excited to go back to Georgia for a visit, and it wasn't fair to her to make her miss out on that because it might be a little difficult for him and Bones.

"I love you," Jim said, gently carding his fingers through Bones' thick hair. Bones raised his head and kissed Jim, holding him close and reveling in the feel of having someone he loved, and who loved him, in his life in such an encompassing way.

"Love you, too, Darlin'," he said, a smile curling his lips and touching his eyes.

"We should go to your mom's," Jim said, after another moment. "I love you even more for being so willing to give that up for me, and if it were just us, I might take you up on it…cause I gotta say, you, me, alone on vacation for a week…I could have  _so_ much fun with that." He winked, his tone suggestive enough to imply exactly what he wanted it to, and Bones chuckled. "But it isn't just us. And Jo deserves to see her relatives."

Leonard looked into Jim's eyes, searching for any hint of reluctance. "You sure?"

"Yeah, Bones. I'm sure. We should go…all of us."

"Okay…but this is going to be my expense…No – " he said when Jim opened his mouth to protest. "This is because of my family, so this is my expense. We'll stay in a hotel, and I don't want to be there long…maybe fly in Tuesday night and fly out Saturday morning."

"That's…gonna be a big expense for a not very long visit," Jim said slowly.

"I don't care. The day before, the day of, and the day after is plenty long. Besides, school will start again that Monday, and I want to make sure Jo has enough time to readjust. I'll look at flights and hotels tomorrow."

"Okay," Jim said, knowing it was easier to just give in and do other things to contribute to the cost of the trip.

"Thank you for doing this," Leonard murmured. "I'm not sure how things are going to go…"

"It's okay, Bones. At this point, I can handle pretty much anything. But…" Jim trailed off and bit his lip. Leonard raised an eyebrow.

"But what Jim?" he prodded.

"Do you think it's a good idea to just…spring this on them? I mean, all your relatives…they all know you were married, that you have a daughter. And, unless your mom told them about me, they'll have no idea that anything's different with you now," Jim said.

"Hm. Good point." It was actually an excellent point. He was fairly certain that his mother wouldn't mention the fact that he was with a man to anyone – not when she was still struggling with it herself. "You're right. I'll take care of that."

"How?" Jim asked curiously.

"I got one or two people over there I trust. My cousin, Katie. She's a big-city girl, and liberal enough to cause one or two arguments over the dinner table herself. But she's also the kindest person you'll ever hope to meet, and everyone loves her. I'm gonna call her, fill her in, and I think that'll help."

Jim nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

Leonard paused, catching one of Jim's hands to thread their fingers together. "Thank you for doing this for us," he said quietly.

Jim nodded, gave Leonard's hand a squeeze. "It's worth it to me for Jo, and as long as I'm with you, that's all I need. Besides, you can make it up to me later."

"Oh, yeah? How?"

"I'm gonna hold you to that week away somewhere."

Leonard smiled and kissed Jim again. "You got it, Darlin'."

 

* * *

 

"What are you going to name him?" Jim asked quietly.

"Not sure. He hasn't told me what it is yet," Joanna whispered. She held the kitten in her lap, and gently stoked down his chest between his slack front legs to his belly. The kitten's blue eyes were mostly closed, and Jo could feel more than hear the quiet rumble in his body, indicating that all was right in his little world. Warm, safe, and comfortable, he was drifting off to sleep, completely exhausted by the constant playtime he'd enjoyed with Jo from the moment they walked in the door.

Jim smiled at her, watching as she was completely transfixed by the perfect little life in her lap. "He's going to tell you what his name is?" he asked.

"Well, it's gonna come to me somehow…like if he does something that makes me think of a name. For now I'll just call him kitty."

"Okay…you want to come out of there and get changed out of your school clothes?"

"No, I'm good, Uncle Jim," she said.

Shaking his head in amusement, Jim left her sitting on the floor in her bathroom, which was doubling as the kitten's residence when not being supervised by a bipedal member of the family. He was still so small that Leonard was afraid to let him have the run of the apartment when they weren't home, convinced he'd end up stuck behind the refrigerator or something like that.

When they got home, Jo made a beeline for the bathroom, as she did every other day this week. She'd even asked if they could skip volunteering because she didn't want the kitten to be alone that long.

_"It's all day, Uncle Jim! You can't leave a baby alone all day!" she cried, until Jim gave up trying to impress upon her the importance of following through on commitments._

_"All right, but just for two weeks. After that, we're back on schedule, okay? Those little kids miss you when you're not there, and you promised them you'd come once a week."_

_"Okay, just for two weeks," Jo agreed, tears stopping immediately. And Jim realized he'd just been played._

So did Leonard, who spent the next couple of days teasingly reminding him of that. But Jim didn't really mind. He loved that Jo and the kitten were taking so strongly to each other, and it really was no big deal to call out of the volunteer activity a couple of times.

Now, he went back to her bedroom and continued to pull things out of her drawers to pack in with his and Bones' stuff. They weren't going to be gone long, and the weather was going to be pretty mild, so Jim thought they could get away with one large suitcase for the three of them, plus whatever they wanted to carry on the flight.

Jim was doing his best to quash the nerves that had been plaguing him since the beginning of the week, but now, as he was packing for a flight that left tomorrow, he was starting to have second thoughts. There was just…so much that could go wrong. And this was nothing like when Bones' mom visited. Back then, at least she'd been the outsider. In this case, he was. And he was on the outside of a big group. It was more daunting that he thought it was going to be, or that he was willing to admit. Bones seemed confident enough, and Jim figured he should trust that. But still…

"Uncle Jim?" Joanna called from the bathroom.

"Yes Jo?"

"Please can we bring the kitty to Georgia? He can hide in my backpack, and I know he'll be real good."

Jim smiled and shut the drawer, satisfied with the outfits he'd chosen for her, with Bones' suggestions firmly in mind. "But Jo," Jim said, standing and making his way to the bathroom. "Janie is so excited about helping you by taking care of the cat and Minnie, and I don't think cats like to fly anyway."

Later that night, Leonard and Jim watched as the kitten circled a spot on Jo's bed, kneading the blanket with his little claws. Finally happy, he settled down, wrapping his tail around his body. Joanna kissed his head and lay down. Leonard pulled the blanket up over her and gave her a kiss.

"We have to get up pretty early, so you have a good night's sleep."

"Okay. Kiss the kitty, Daddy."

Leonard made a face that made Jo giggle, but did as he was told, deciding that the kitten was a step up from kissing her stuffed animal every night.

Jim stepped into the room and gave them a kiss goodnight too.

"I feel like I should do bedtime prayers," Joanna said as Jim straightened. He exchanged a glance with Leonard.

"You can Baby. You can say prayers like Janie and Kimmie do if you want to," Leonard said.

"I want someone to say them for me," Jo said shyly. "I don't know how."

Leonard hesitated, then looked over at Jim. He was really the better one to do this with her.

"Okay, Jo," Jim said. He knelt at the side of her bed. "You can stay just where you are. And all you have to do, is tell God what you want Him to know."

"Umm…I want to say thank you for letting the kitten be okay, and thank you for you and Daddy, and thank you for going to Georgia tomorrow…"

And Bones listened and watched as his baby girl thanked God for the things and people that made her life what it was, and though he wasn't going to encourage it, he decided that if she felt she should do things like this, he would go with it. And he was surprised to realize he didn't feel ambivalent about that.

Minutes later, they left Joanna and the unnamed kitten and retired to their own room. They spent a few minutes packing some last minute things, then, satisfied that everything was ready to easily leave tomorrow, they turned off the lights, folded down the blankets and slid into bed.

Moving towards each other automatically, they came together, holding each other. They kissed, tangling their legs together and pressing as close as they could. Sharing the same pillow, Leonard pulled back slightly and gave Jim a small smile and careful look.

"You ready for tomorrow?"

Jim's lips twitched and he kissed Leonard again. "Tomorrow's easy for me…just traveling. Are  _you_ ready for tomorrow?" he countered, referring to Leonards' uneasiness with flying.

"You know what I mean."

Jim lowered his eyes, looking away from Leonard's concern for a moment. "I'm…a little nervous," he admitted. "I've never done anything like this before…never cared to. And knowing I'm going into a situation where people are predisposed to have a problem with me is…particularly disconcerting."

"Jim," Leonard said, gently urging him to look back up with a hand under Jim's chin. "I truly believe everything's going to be okay. Maybe not great, but no real problems. And you know…you  _know_ that if someone is bound and determined to be an ass, then we're out of there. We're not going to take any crap from anyone. Okay?"

Jim nodded, touched by Leonard's vehemence. "Okay."

 

* * *

 

The flight from California to Georgia had not been a particularly smooth one. There'd been quite a bit of turbulence – enough that Leonard had felt sick for the majority of it, and Jim'd found himself wishing that they'd had a layover, just to give Bones a break.

Breathing deeply and taking small sips of ginger ale while nibbling on crackers, he did his best to ignore the churning nausea. Joanna seemed to understand that her father wasn't feeling well, and managed to keep herself busy, for the most part. She read, colored, watched the movie that played, and eventually lay down on her seat with her feet in Jim's lap and took a nap.

Jim, for his part, could do nothing but hold Bones' sweaty hand, and encourage him to lean against him, hoping the comfort he could provide would help with his obvious anxiety. Every time the plane bumped and rattled Bones' grip on him tightened, and Jim murmured soothingly.

After one particularly bad instance of turbulence Bones groaned softly.

"Oh, god…how much longer is this damn flight?"

Jim glanced at the screen embedded in the seat in front of him and pressed a button to bring up the track they were following.

"Almost there," he said. "We're right over the Alabama."

"Thank god. How's Jo?"

"Sound asleep."

Finally, to Leonard's immense relief, they landed. Jim gently gathered Joanna in his arms, and Leonard helped to wrap her in the thin airplane blanket they'd purchased. Leonard gathered their carry-on luggage and they filed off the plane with everyone else.

"You got her okay?"

"Yeah," Jim said, shifting her so that she was secure against his chest. He moved down the narrow aisle carefully, being sure to not catch her feet on the headrests of the seats.

It was late, a little after midnight, and the passengers from their plane were the only people in the gate area, with the exception of a couple of security guards and a janitor with a cleaning cart. They made their way to the concourse area, talking quietly.

"You feeling okay?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, almost back to normal. Just tired," Leonard replied. "I'll be glad to get to the hotel."

"Me too," Jim said. He looked down at Joanna, cradled against him and still sound asleep.

"Let's get the luggage and…" Leonard broke off, his attention drawn by a woman who was standing in the area where people were allowed to wait for travelers. Jim followed his gaze to where the woman was waving to them. She was pretty, with brown shoulder-length hair and brown eyes. Jim looked at Leonard who was smiling as he gave a wave back.

"Katie?" Jim asked.

"Yeah."

Katie was one of Leonard's cousins, and the person Leonard called in advance of their trip, in order to fill her in on the developments in his life, and engage her help in taking some of the surprise out of the initial introduction of Jim to the rest of his family.

"Lenny," she said, a huge smile on her face. She wrapped her arms around him, and he bent slightly so that she could reach to kiss his cheek. "Let me take something." She lifted one of the bags off his shoulder and settled it on her own, and then turned to look at Jo. "She got so  _big_ ," she said. "Jim – it's so good to meet you." He got a kiss and a careful hug as well.

"Good to meet you too, Katie," he said sincerely.

"So, come on," she said. "You guys must be exhausted."

Jim and Leonard exchanged glances. "Katie…thank you for meeting us here – it's great to see a friendly face – but you know we're getting a car and going to the hotel, right?"

"Of course," she said. "I just thought you could use some help. I know what it's like traveling with young 'uns. Besides, I brought some things with me for you to take to the hotel. So…I'll go with Jim who can point out the luggage, and you go get the car, and we'll meet. Okay?"

Too tired to pretend her help wouldn't be appreciated at this point, they agreed.

 

* * *

 

Jim pushed open the screen door and went out onto the porch, the delicious smell of cooking food following him before being pulled away by the fresh breeze. It was a beautiful day, not too warm, not too humid…perfect. And Jim was happy to be out of the house and in the relative quiet of the porch, looking out over the backyard and the rest of the property. Moving away from the screen door, he went to a corner of the porch and sat down. Unless someone was looking for him, or came outside and circled the house, he wouldn't be easily seen.

Which was exactly what he wanted. He needed a break.

They'd arrived at the hotel a little before two a.m., and they were all, including Joanna, who eventually woke, tired and cranky. Fortunately, the room was ready and waiting for them, and they managed to get in there, get changed, and get to bed.

Today, they'd woken late, showered, had a leisurely breakfast of fruit and breakfast pastry, courtesy of Katie, dressed and driven to Hannah's house, where she lived with her sister Charlotte. There were already other family members there, staying in the house, and helping with the preparation of the Thanksgiving dinner.

Everyone had been pretty welcoming – enlisting Katie's help beforehand had seemed to work – and Jim had nothing to say against Southern hospitality. But there had also already been a couple of instances of quiet conversations dropping off when he entered a room, and he'd heard Charlotte, Hannah's older sister, refer to him as "that boy Leonard took up with".

Still, so far the trip and visit had been less stressful than he thought it was going to be. But he was happy for a couple of minutes of quiet.

Joanna and Leonard seemed to be having a great time – she was reconnecting with the children in her family, and was now helping her dad and grandmother in the kitchen, making pie dough. Jim had been invited to help, and they'd all worked together for a while, laughing and joking. But then Jim caught sight of the expression on the face of Charles, another cousin of Bones', when he came into the kitchen, and Jim's smile faltered. He recognized that look. Though Charles had left without saying anything, Jim took his leave a few moments later, and came out here, wanting to get away.

Bones had a nice life here, Jim mused. Family, people he grew up with – the same type of community Jim himself enjoyed back in California, and he marveled once again at the strength of character Bones displayed by uprooting himself and his daughter, and moving across country for an opportunity – knowing he'd be out there on his own.

The sound of the screen door opening and closing caught Jim's attention, and he stayed quiet, waiting to see if whoever it was would come around to where he was sitting. He looked up as Bones came around the corner of the house and smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself," Bones said. He joined Jim, sitting down next to him. Jim glanced around, confirming they were alone, then allowed himself to lean against Bones, shoulder to shoulder.

"Everything okay?" Bones asked, bringing a hand up to gently cup Jim's face as he pressed a kiss to his head.

"Everything's fine," Jim said. "Just taking a break. How're you doing?"

Bones gave him a look, letting him know that he wasn't fooled by the deflection, but allowed Jim to do it anyway. "I'm fine. Ma is so happy, and Jo's fit right back in."

Jim smiled. "Here less than a day, and already that accent is coming back nearly as thickly as when I first met her."

"You want to get out of here for a little while?" Bones asked.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Jo's been asking to visit Buttons, and Cory's farm isn't far from here. You want to take her?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jim asked. "You don't think she's going to end up upset about leaving him again?"

Leonard had thought of that, and he'd taken the step of having a very direct talk with her about that. That they were leaving to go back to California on Friday, and they were going to leave Buttons with Mr. Cory on his farm, and that if he allowed her to see him, he expected that she'd act like a big girl, and remember that Buttons was helping other kids through the Horses for Handicapped program.

"We talked about it, and she assures me that she understands Buttons has to stay here. I don't think you'll have a problem."

"Okay, then…where is Cory's farm?"

Leonard wrote out some simple directions, and a few minutes later, Jim, Joanna, and Katie's son and daughter Shaun and Lila headed out to visit Buttons. He found the farm with no problem, and Mr. Cory was happy to have them.

"Uncle Jim!" Joanna said excitedly. "Come say hi to Buttons! Isn't he a pretty horse?"

Jim spent a couple of minutes listening to Joanna talk to and about Buttons, about how she learned to ride him, and about the work he did now, helping children. Jim nodded, and pet the horse's head, drawing a hand down the length of his nose, and now, he and Cory were standing together, watching the kids pet Buttons and feed him pieces of apples.

"So how do you know Jo and Leonard, Jim?" Cory asked. "Joanna calls you Uncle?"

"Leonard and I are…close friends," Jim said hesitantly, unsure of how much he should say. He didn't think Bones would care, but he didn't know how Cory would react, and there were kids here.

"Me and Uncle Jim and Daddy live together," Joanna said, overhearing them. Jim resisted the urge to roll his eyes and looked at the older man, waiting for a reaction.

"Do ya now? Never took Leonard to be a queer," he said quietly.

Jim looked over at Jo, but she didn't appear to have registered what Cory said, and Jim resisted the urge to bristle at the term, not hearing any malice behind the words. Cory's friendly demeanor seemed to close up after that, though, and he and Jim stood in silence for a few more minutes before Jim checked his watch and decided that they should get going.

"Five more minutes, Jo, and then we need to head back."

"Uncle Jim, can't we stay longer? Please?" Joanna asked.

"We have to get going, Jo. We're all going into town to see that movie tonight, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," she murmured. "Okay."

A few minutes later, they all said goodbye to Mr. Cory and piled back into the rental car, and headed back to the house. That night, a group of them did go into town to see a re-released showing of a popular Disney movie, and afterwards stopped for ice cream.

"Daddy," Joanna asked, in between licks of her ice cream cone. "I'm staying at Grandma's tonight, right?"

"Yup, as long as you still want to."

"Yes!" Jo said.

"Jo and me are gonna build a tent!" Lila announced. "No  _boys_ allowed!" She elbowed her older brother who just rolled his eyes at her.

"Hey, come on, be nice to your brother," Dennis, Katie's husband said.

The rest of the evening passed with a lot of laughter and joking around, and Jim for the first time, felt completely accepted. Bones had been right – Katie, who's family had been the recipient of some negative attention because Dennis was black, was accepting and helpful and genuinely nice. It was good to feel like they had an ally.

After they got back to Hannah's and Joanna was settled, Jim and Leonard headed back to the hotel that was just a few miles away. They drove in comfortable silence, holding hands over the console between them.

"Do we need anything?" Leonard asked as they came up to a Walgreen's. Jim hesitated, then smiled.

"Yes, we do," he said. Leonard nodded, and pulled into the parking lot. "Be right back," Jim said as he opened the car door. Leonard fiddled with the radio and looked up when Jim came back with just one small, single bag.

"What'd you get?" he asked.

Jim handed the bag to him and chuckled at his expression as he looked back up at Jim. "I didn't bring anything with me," he said, explaining the bottle of lube. "I didn't think we were going to have any time alone."

"Well," Leonard said, with a smile, as he turned the car back on. "Let's not waste any."

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their night alone, and Thanksgiving.

Leonard had barely shut the door to their hotel room when Jim suddenly turned and pushed him against it, leaning into his space and pressing against his body.

"I've wanted to do this all day," Jim said, and watched as the look in Leonard's eyes went from surprised to something softer. Jim kissed Leonard, just a gentle press of his lips, and he sighed happily when Leonard brought his arms up around him, stroking the length of his back before settling around his waist. They stayed like that for a few moments, against the door, exchanging soft kisses that deepened and got more demanding. Jim squeezed Bones' shoulders, then slid his hands down and hooked his fingers on the waistband of his pants.

"Yeah, I've wanted to do that, too," Leonard said, holding Jim against him, enjoying the feel of Jim's body against his.

"Bed?" Jim said hopefully.

"We rode horses today, Jim. And went poking through a creek. Let's shower first."

Jim smiled cheekily. "Together, then."

"Have you  _seen_ that shower?" Leonard asked.

"Hm. True," Jim said. It was pretty small. "Okay, you first." He gave Leonard another kiss, this one passionate and hungry, and left him panting when he pulled away. He jumped when he felt Jim's hand close over him, giving him a gentle squeeze. "Hurry up," he said, backing away and letting Leonard fully into the room.

Leonard shook his head with a small smile, but didn't argue. They were both quick, showering and making themselves comfortable, eager to be together. Jim wanted to touch and kiss and hold Bones – making up for all the time today that they had to stay physically apart. He never realized how much he loved those casual touches, the simple pleasure of exchanging a quick kiss, or even just a hug - and it surprised him how much he missed it. And now that they had some time together, he wanted to get his fill.

Leonard was already in bed when Jim got out of the shower, and he smiled at the sight of him, looking so comfortable there, with nothing but a sheet drawn up to his waist.

Bones raised an eyebrow. "You just gonna stand there, Darlin'?" he asked, the effect of being back in Georgia already evident in his speech. Well, either that, or he knew just what kind of what his voice did to Jim and wasn't above using it.

"Definitely not," he said, sliding into bed with him. For a while they just held each other, relishing the incredible warmth as their bodies fit together perfectly. Jim moved a leg over Leonard's hip, drawing him close, and Leonard wrapped his arms around him in a tender hug as they kissed. Pulling back slightly, Leonard cupped Jim's face, drew his fingers through the blonde hair at his temple, and Jim gently squeezed the back of Leonard's neck.

Jim smiled as he looked into Bones' eyes, still half expecting to see the shyness that had been such a part of his character. And when he didn't…when all he saw was what Bones felt for him…free, without any reservation…it just made everything else disappear.

"What?" Leonard asked, a small smile pulling at his lips.

Jim shook his head. "Nothing," he whispered, brushing their lips together again. "Just…it still surprises me, sometimes, how much you mean to me. I never expected it to be like this."

Leonard smiled, kissed him again. "I never knew it could be."

They moved against each other as they kissed, parting to take panting breaths as the gentle friction teased them perfectly. Jim reached over for the little bottle of lube they'd purchased on the way back and managed to get some in his hand. He reached down between them and grasped Leonard loosely, making him gasp and squeeze his eyes closed.

"Oh, god, Jim…so good," he whispered. He gave himself over to Jim's ministrations for a few moments, just losing himself in the feel of how Jim was touching him.

Not to be outdone, Leonard reached out and patted around the bed, looking for the bottle of lube. He found it and fumbled with it, trying to get the cap off. As he reached around Jim to get some in his hand, it ended up spilling messily all over them. Leonard scowled, annoyed, but Jim just laughed, giving him a stroke that made him forget about the mess as he thrust into Jim's grip.

Reaching around Jim's waist, Leonard trailed his fingers down his ass, finding and brushing over the tight muscle there. Leonard felt Jim twitch as he gasped at the contact, groaning and thrusting against Leonard, the feel of what he was doing making him squirm. Carefully, Leonard pressed inside, and Jim gasped. Leonard eased his finger in and out, making Jim tremble against him.

Finally, breathing hard, he pulled away from Leonard slightly. "Will you roll over for me?" Jim asked. Trying to catch his own breath, Leonard looked up at Jim, their eyes meeting for a couple of moments, and everything they needed to hear and know from each other was communicated so easily in that look. Leonard did as Jim asked, turning to lie on his stomach, completely trusting Jim. And Jim knew exactly what it meant to have that trust.

Leaning down over the long, lean line of Bones' back, supporting himself on his arms, Jim kissed down his spine, occasionally letting his tongue drag along route he was following, giving him a preview of what he planned to do, and trusting that if he didn't want it, Bones would speak up.

Leonard shivered as he felt Jim's lips and tongue gently tickle over his lower back. He clenched his hands in anticipation of what he would do next, and nearly groaned when Jim completely ignored his ass and continue down one leg, causing him to jerk to slightly.

"Tickles, Jim," he said, pressing his forehead to the pillow, the sensations so arousing he could hardly take it without rubbing himself off against the bed.

"Hold still," Jim said, and continued his ruthless teasing down the first leg and then slowly up the other. Leonard squirmed and clenched the pillow under his head in his hands, fighting the urge to move, to thrust. He turned his head and panted, trying to concentrate on making his shaking muscles relax enough to passively accept what Jim was doing.

Jim smiled against his skin as he came back up Bones' body, massaging the strong muscles in his thighs. He placed his hands on Bones' perfect ass, squeezing gently before using his thumbs to spread the cheeks enough to expose him.

Leonard pushed his face against the pillow as he felt was Jim was doing even as he widened his legs to give him more room. He loved this…loved all the things they did together…but sometimes he felt like he wanted to hide. The difference was that he knew he could, without feeling ashamed. He also knew he didn't have to, and would still be loved even if he didn't hide his hesitance. He could be exactly who he was, feel anything he wanted, and how Jim felt about him wouldn't change. And  _that_ was incredibly freeing.

Jim felt it as Bones managed to let his body relax. Only then did he let his tongue brush softly over him. The muscle twitched at the contact and Jim heard Bones let out a breathy moan. He circled the sensitive skin over and over again, alternating between lighter and firmer touches. Stiffening his tongue, he licked directly over his entrance a couple of times, causing Bones to lock his legs and try to squeeze them closed. He grunted into the pillow, his hands clenched on either side of it, and he arched, his body tightening and his shoulders raised off the bed.

Jim softened his tongue and went back to circling around, and Bones' body relaxed, his head dropping back to the pillow as he panted harshly, shaking under the onslaught of sensation. He writhed, unable to stay still as Jim licked over him mercilessly. He gasped and moaned, curses and pleas falling from his lips as he moved his hips, pressing himself against the bed, not sure if he was trying to get away from the intense stimulation or give himself more friction. So caught up in what he was feeling, he barely registered the obscene sounds Jim was making as he licked and kissed and gently sucked.

"Oh…god, Jim…" he arched again, the feel of the sheets against his hard cock making him thrust his hips. His toes curled as his legs stiffened and shook on either side of Jim's body. "I can't stand it," he groaned. " _Please_ …" He'd never come this way, wasn't sure if he could, but he could feel it building in him and all he wanted was for Jim to be inside him.

Jim smiled against him, and then pulled away, moving back up his body and kissing the back of his neck. "Please what?" Jim whispered.

"Jim – " he said breathlessly. Leonard moved to turn over, and Jim moved back enough to let him. Leonard gave him a heated look, gently urging him to lie down instead. "My turn."

 

* * *

 

 

"Jim, can you take the potatoes out for me, please? Leonard, you have the turkey. Don't drop it son," Hannah said dryly.

Jim guffawed and looked over his shoulder at Leonard as they followed Hannah out of the kitchen.

"That was one time, Ma, years ago," Leonard said, rolling his eyes. "And it wouldn't have happened if Katie didn't let the door close in my face."

"Don't you blame me, Lenny," Katie said as she finished placing a few popped kernels of popcorn on everyone's empty plate. "You were the one telling me to hurry up."

"No fighting, kids," Charlotte said. "Okay…I think we're ready. Hannah?"

"I believe so. Okay, everyone, come sit down!" Hannah called.

Everyone was waiting anxiously just outside the dining room, having been banned from coming in until called, and they all hurried to the tables that had been brought together to make room for all of them. Jim hesitated as family members took seats next to each other. Joanna sat next to her father, and Lila sat right next to her. Jim hesitated, feeling a little awkward.

"Hey," Leonard said as he sat, noticing that Jim looked like he wasn't sure where to go. "Come here." He pushed out the chair next to him, and Jim glanced quickly at Hannah, before sitting down.

"Thanks," Jim murmured. "I wasn't sure if…" he broke off, shaking his head. "Never mind. What's the popcorn for?"

"Family tradition."

"Okay, everyone!" Hannah called. She waited while everyone quieted down. "Before we start, we need to take a few minutes to talk about what we're thankful for this Thanksgiving. Count your kernels."

One by one, they went around the table and every person talked about the things they were thankful for...listing as many things as they had popcorn kernels.

"I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter," Leonard said, and then popped a kernel in his mouth. "I'm thankful for my fantastic family. I'm thankful for everyone's health. And…I'm thankful for second chances," Leonard finished, looking over at Jim.

Jim flushed slightly at that, his gaze on his plate, as he felt everyone's eyes land on him. He felt self-conscious, but couldn't suppress a small smile at Bones' words. Somewhere down at the end of the table, he heard someone mumble something, but he didn't catch it, and he couldn't bring himself to look up to see if Bones heard it, too. He was next, so he cleared his throat and picked up the kernels that were on his plate.

"I'm grateful to be here with you all for this Thanksgiving…thank you for having me. I'm grateful for my own family, back in California…I hope they get a chance to meet everyone some day. I'm grateful that everyone is healthy. And…" Jim hesitated, holding the last kernel that was on his plate. "I'm grateful for the people I get to share my life with now."

"I'll bet," Charles said with a quiet snort. Leonard looked up sharply at that and opened his mouth to tell him to keep it to himself, but Jim's hand on his thigh under the table stopped him. He looked over at Jim who gave a small shake of his head.

"My turn," Joanna said, seeming not to notice the tense moment. She kneeled up on her chair so she could see everyone around the table clearly, picking up her popped corn. "I'm grateful for my Daddy and Jim," she said, grouping them on one kernel. "For my new kitty that doesn't have a name yet and for Minnie my hamster, and…." She contemplated the last two kernels in her hand. "for everyone who lives in Georgia, and everyone who lives in California. I think that gets everyone."

"Good job, Jo," Hannah said. "Let's keep going…Lila?"

When everyone had a chance to say what they were grateful for, Hannah asked that everyone hold hands around the table for a brief prayer.

"Jim is our guest for this dinner." Katie looked down the table at them. "Would you like to say Grace?" Katie offered.

"I doubt he would even know how," Charles muttered.

"That's quite enough-" Charlotte said softly, embarrassed by her son's behavior.

"He does so!" Joanna piped up, giving him her best emulation of Leonard's glare. "Uncle Jim showed me how to say bedtime prayers, and he can to say a prayer now."

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence around the table and Charles rolled his eyes, looking away from Jo.

"Well, okay then," Hannah said. Jim looked at her and saw something…different in her eyes. "Jim, you've got Jo's endorsement…would you care to say Grace?"

"I'd be honored to," Jim replied sincerely. Everyone bowed their heads and linked hands, and Leonard gave Jim's hand a squeeze, conveying his silent support. Jim took a breath, then said, "Lord, thank you for giving us the opportunity to be with our family this Thanksgiving, and for all the blessings we've enjoyed over the year. Thank you for the meal we are about to enjoy, and please help us to remember to do for those who aren't as fortunate as ourselves, and finally, thank you for each and every opportunity You give us to show others Your love by our words and actions. Amen."

"Amen," everyone echoed.

"That was lovely Jim," Charlotte said. "Thank you."

"Can we eat now?" Shaun asked. "I'm starving!"

Everyone passed dishes around, some of them Jim was wholly unfamiliar with, but willing to try. And really, there was only one thing…an okra dish…that he didn't care for all that much. There was a lot of talking, a lot of laughing, and a little horsing around. The kids left the table to go play, but the adults lingered.

Leonard caught Jim's hand under the table and interlaced their fingers as they sipped coffee and nibbled at pieces of Hannah's pumpkin pie, really too full for another bite. Everyone was relaxed and happy, with the exception of Charles who wore a pinched look on his face that they all completely ignored. After having been put in his place by a six-year-old, he didn't say anything else, and no one bothered to try to placate him.

After the table was clear and everything leftover was packed away, everyone gathered in the family room to play games and relax. Dennis hooked up Shaun's Wii console, and they took turns playing a few of the different games.

Jim settled on the floor. He allowed himself to lean against Leonard's legs, not thinking anyone would notice or care, and really, getting to the point where he didn't care anyway. Bones briefly placed his hand on his head, acknowledging that his close presence and touch was welcome, and he smiled. After a couple of minutes, Jo came over and settled herself in Jim's lap, leaning sleepily against his chest.

Katie watched the little family unit from her place on the other couch, legs drawn up and held securely against her husband's side. She saw that Hannah was watching them too, and caught her eye, smiling slightly. And Hannah, who'd not said a word about their relationship one way or the other to her so far, gave a small smile back.

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They settle back into home after being away for Thanksgiving, and then go see Santa Claus!

"Bones, I'm going for a run!" Jim called, raising his voice enough to be heard over the water running in the tub for Joanna's bath.

"Wear a sweatshirt – it's cold out there!" Leonard replied. Jim hesitated, making a face. _He_ didn't think it was cold outside. Jim contemplated just slipping out of the apartment… "I'm serious, Jim!" Leonard called again.

Giving up, Jim rolled his eyes and pulled a sweatshirt out of the closet at the entryway. Bones just knew him too well.

"Be back soon!"

Heading out of the apartment, Jim started off at a slow jog until he exited the apartment complex, and then picked up his pace as he headed down the street towards a park that had a running trail encircling a lake. Jim figured he had about an hour of light left, and he intended to make use of it.

Falling into a pounding rhythm that connected his feet with his breath and the beating of his heart, Jim slipped into an almost meditative state. Running like this was so much more than just a method of exercise for him…it was a way to clear his head, to center himself, and to back away from a situation or problem enough to get a new handle on it. He'd started this when he was a teenager, and the habit had followed him into adulthood. Jim really felt he often did his best thinking when running like this…everything else fell away, and he could just let his brain do its thing.

Tonight, he was thinking about his future.

Liam had seemed to be very open to Jim's concerns about leaving McKinley in the middle of the school year.

_"I appreciate how much you care about your students, Jim. Let me see what I can do. You were my choice and…" he paused, giving Jim a wink. "I usually get what I want. Give me a few days, and I'll get back to you."_

And true to his word, he had…with good news. Jim would be able to finish the year at McKinley, and start his job with the county fresh. In the meantime, Liam had given him materials to get started with. Binders of information on the demographics of the schools that he would be responsible for, policies, guidelines...enough information to keep him reading for the rest of the year, definitely. Liam also went ahead and gave Jim access to the website portal so that he could familiarize himself with the programs they used.

It was a lot. Not enough to make him feel like he couldn't do it - He had a little more self-confidence than that – but it was a little daunting. He was also beyond excited. Jim could still hardly believe that he was being given this opportunity to do what he wanted to do…and on his own terms. His life was working out in ways that he'd never even thought possible.

He had a man he loved, a child he adored, and the beginning of the career he wanted. It was almost unbelievable. He still sometimes dealt with the feeling like he didn't deserve everything he had, and the worry that it would be taken away. Logically, he knew that was ridiculous. Nothing had been handed to him. He'd worked for everything he had…even his relationship with Bones and Jo. They'd gotten to the where they were because they'd worked for it.

Even more amazing to him was the reception he'd gotten from Bones' family. He'd been so stressed about it, but with the exception of Charles, who really seemed like he didn't like anyone anyway, everyone had been very welcoming. Even Hannah's attitude had seemed to change. She seemed more open to him, more…genuinely happy for Bones, and for him to be there. He was grateful for that. He was much more secure now in Bones' commitment to him, regardless of how his mother felt about their relationship, but it was still a relief to know that his presence in Bones' life wasn't going to separate him from his family.

It was still hard for Jim, sometimes, to know that what he and Bones had could be the reason Bones' family pulled away from him. And though he knew Bones loved him, he still sometimes struggled with the possibilities if Bones every truly had to choose.

Finishing his second time around the loop, Jim headed out of the park, slowing his run to a jog as he headed back to the apartment complex. At their unit, he opened the door carefully…Jack (Joanna finally chose a name for the little orange cat) had gotten into the habit of waiting by the door and trying to dart outside. Bones didn't mind if the cat wanted to be an indoor/outdoor cat, but it upset Jo, so they kept him in the apartment for now.

She hadn't said as much, but Jim was pretty sure it was because she was afraid the boys would come back and abuse the cat again. They'd tried to explain that the boys didn't live here and probably hadn't found the cat here, but she wasn't comforted by that. So, Jack was an indoor cat.

In the entryway, Jim wiped his sweaty forehead and pulled the sweatshirt over his head, messing his hair. He pulled his sneakers off and headed through the house. Leonard looked over his shoulder as Jim came into the kitchen.

"Good run?" he asked, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water. He handed it to Jim, and ran a critical eye over him, taking in the shorts and short-sleeved shirt. "Thought I told you to wear a sweatshirt. It's 50 degrees out there."

Jim took the water and downed it gratefully. "I did," he said, holding up the sweatshirt he was carrying as he wiped his mouth with his arm.

"Hm. Go get a hot shower. Don't want you getting sick."

Jim smiled, as always amused and touched by the way Bones cared for him, cared about him. "That's where I was headed," he assured him. "Where's Jo?"

"Playing in her room. She's got about twenty minutes, then bed. I want to make sure she's rested enough for school tomorrow."

Jim nodded. They'd gotten back from Georgia early last night, and today they'd stayed home, spending a quiet day in as everyone readjusted. Jo was happy enough to play quietly, read, and watch movies. Leonard had taken the opportunity to do some work and laundry, and Jim continued to make his way through the binders Liam had given him.

"Sounds good," Jim said. He threw the empty bottle of water away and looked at Bones warmly.

"What?" Leonard asked, after a moment.

Jim smiled and shook his head. "Nothing," he said.

A softer look came into Leonard's eyes. He reached out, cupped Jim's jaw, and leaned in, giving him a slow, gentle kiss. "Shower," he said. "I'll put Jo to bed."

"Then…will you make sure I'm rested enough for tomorrow too?" Jim asked teasingly. He smirked and turned to go as Leonard rolled his eyes at him.

He headed out of the kitchen and to their bedroom. He stopped in the doorway of Jo's room. She was sitting on her bed with her back to the door. She had one of Jack's toys and was playing with him with it. She was talking to the cat quietly, and reached to pet it. She giggled as Jack circled her little body with his back arched, rubbing his head and body against her. Jim smiled, and continued to his room without bothering them.

Jack was proving to be a good pet. Jim's experience with cats was limited to the barn cats that had hung around their property in Iowa. They were very aloof creatures, really wanting nothing to do with the humans who shared their space, beyond whatever meal was being provided that day. But Jack, it was almost like he knew Joanna had saved him. He followed her around, tolerated being picked up and cuddled and held, and slept with her at night. And he also didn't seem to have any murderous designs on Minnie. They'd warned Jo about not having both animals out at the same time, but the couple of times they did meet, Jack seemed wholly unconcerned with the hamster, to everyone's relief.

In the bathroom, Jim stripped, dropping his sweaty clothing to the floor. He made the water as hot as he could comfortably tolerate it, and sighed in pleasure as he stepped under the spray. He took his time, letting the pounding hot water relax his muscles as he washed. A few minutes later he stepped out and dried off quickly. He heard Bones' low voice and Jo's high pitched childish responses, though he couldn't make anything out clearly. He heard Bones open and close the linen closet and guessed he was getting another blanket for Jo.

Dressed, he pulled open the door and headed down the hall, stopping in Jo's doorway. Bones was sitting at the side of her bed reading.

"Uncle Jim," she said, interrupting her father.

Bones looked over his shoulder and smiled at him. "Come on in. We're just finishing up," he said, closing the book. He gave Jo a kiss goodnight, lingering for a moment as he hugged her, resting his cheek on her head. "Love you, Baby."

"Love you, Daddy," she said. He kissed her again and stood, turning to Jim. "I'm gonna go make tea. Want something?"

"How 'bout that cinnamon tea?"

"Sure. Don't keep Jim too long, Jo."

"I won't," she said.

Leonard headed out of the room and Jim turned to the little girl and knelt by her bed. Lying on her side, Jo brought her hands together.

"What do you want to pray about tonight?" Jim asked. Joanna closed her eyes, her clasped hands under her chin, and Jim bowed his head. He loved these quiet moments with her just before bed. He knew Bones didn't feel the same, but to hear a child (especially this child) spend a few moments each night thanking God for the people she loved in her life…it was such a simple, amazing thing.

They finished their prayers, and Jim dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Good night sweetie."

"Good night, Uncle Jim. I love you," she said shyly.

Jim smiled, smoothed a hand down her soft, curly hair. "I love you, too, Jo," he said.

Jo reached an arm out to him, and he leaned down again to give her a hug. She wrapped her little arm around his neck and squeezed, giving him a kiss on his cheek. Straightening, he pulled the blankets up around her, and gave Jack a pat and scratch under his chin. He turned off the bedside light, leaving her room in darkness softened by a nightlight.

"She all set?" Leonard asked, as Jim joined him in the kitchen.

"Yup." Jim wrapped his arms around Bones' waist from behind, resting his head in the center of Bones' back.

Leonard smiled as he finished adding the milk and sugar he knew Jim liked to the cinnamon tea. Jim's solid warmth behind and around him felt good. "Family room?" he asked.

"Do you have anything else you need to do tonight for work?"

"Nope," Leonard replied. "Nothing that can't keep."

"Good. Let's go get under the blankets. It's chilly in here."

Leonard turned, and Jim released him. He handed Jim one of the mugs he was holding and peered at him closely. "You're never cold…you feeling okay?"

"I'm not cold," Jim said, taking a sip of the tea. "And I'm fine. I just wanted to get you in bed."

Leonard chuckled. "Don't need an excuse for that Darlin'. Let's go."

Jim headed out of the kitchen with Leonard following, and turned the lights off as they went. In their bedroom, Leonard spread an additional blanket over their bed, then pulled them down. Turning off all the lights except for one bedside lamp, they climbed in and leaned against each other. Sipping their hot drinks, warm under the blankets, they each relaxed against each other while the television played low in the background, set to a news station.

After a while, Jim handed his mug to Leonard to set on the bedside table. Leonard put an arm around Jim's shoulders, and held him to his side tightly. Jim sighed and wrapped an arm around him, his head resting on Leonard's shoulder.

"I know I said it before," Leonard said after a moment. "But thank you coming with us and missing out on your own family for the holiday. Jo had a great time, and it was good to go home again."

"It was nice Bones," Jim said. "Everyone was…" he paused, reconsidering. "It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Katie and Dennis are great. Something seemed…different with Hannah, too. She didn't seem as…uptight…about us as before."

"Hm. Well, she's had a good few months to wrap her head around it. And also…Jo loves you. It's obvious she loves you, and that you feel the same about her. Ma may be stubborn and set in her beliefs, but she's also a reasonable woman. And…I think she kinda loved the idea that Jo is saying bedtime prayers – and I know she knows that's not because of me."

"I…I really hope she comes around," Jim admitted. "I mean, it'd be okay if she never really did, as long as it didn't come between you and Jo and her. But…I'd really like it if she could accept…us. Me."

"I know, Darlin'. And I think that she'll become more and more accepting after a while." He paused, holding Jim close. "I think it's impossible to know you, and see what you've done for me and Jo just by being in our lives, and continue to deny that what we have is anything but good. My mom'll see that."

Jim lay quietly, listening to the beating of Bones' heart. He sighed, and Bones raised his hand to run his fingers through Jim's soft hair. It was getting a little longer now. He stayed quiet, waiting to see if Jim wanted to talk about anything else. They lay in silence a little while longer, a relaxed sleepiness pulling at them, the result of the general stress of cross-country travel, and the emotional toll the situation – even though Jim never fully admitted how he felt about it. Finally, Leonard shifted slightly, urging Jim to raise his head. He kissed him, holding him tightly, letting his hand trail softly up and down Jim's back.

"I love you," Bones said sincerely, looking into Jim's eyes. "I love everything about you. I know you want my family to accept us, and I think everyone will, in time. But even if they never do, I can live with that, because as long as I have you, I have everything I need."

Jim swallowed and lowered his eyes. Bones was always so certain about them…their relationship. Even in the beginning, when he was struggling with the physical part of their relationship, he never wavered in his belief that they could, should, be together. That strength…even in the face of other people's prejudice…was so powerful. Jim had struggled with this his whole life, with his own mother. He didn't know why Bones was so much more comfortable saying 'to hell with them, we'll do what we want,' but he was grateful for it. His strength was enough for both of them, when Jim had doubt.

But he didn't like the heavy feeling of the conversation now, so he did what he usually did. He deflected. "Do you love that I leave my dirty clothes on the floor, or that I drink out of the orange juice carton?" he asked, a teasing smile on his face.

Leonard rolled his eyes, not falling for the defense mechanism, but willing to play along. "Yes, even that. Everything, Jim."

Jim looked back up at him, kissed him again. "I love you too, Bones. So much." He reached up, pushed Bones' hair off his forehead, trailed a thumb over the line of his eyebrow. He shook his head, a small smile on his face. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you don't believe in it, but I thank God for you and Jo every day."

Bones didn't answer, but leaned in to kiss him again. He didn't know what to say to that, but he appreciated the depth of that feeling, and the admission. Jim understood his silence, and just held him tighter.

After a couple more minutes, Jim picked up the remote and turned the tv off. Leonard reached over and snapped the light off. They settled down, lying on their sides. They held each other, trading kisses. Jim curled slightly, bringing his knees up and Leonard slipped one of his legs between Jim's. Closing their eyes, wrapped around each other, they gave themselves over to the pull of sleep.

 

* * *

 

"Are you excited Jo?" Jim asked, a big smile on his face. Joanna looked up at him, and "excited" was not necessarily the look on her face. She held Jim's and her father's hands tightly as she tried to see around the people ahead of them in line.

"Is that really Santa Clause?" she asked. Leonard and Jim looked at each other, and Jim raised his eyebrows at him. Leonard knew that a lot of parents would answer "yes" to a question like that, but that wasn't his style.

They were standing in line to have their picture taken, together, with Santa Claus. Leonard had never done this before, but Jim had suggested it, and Joanna had seemed excited about it. Now, though, they could see she was starting to get nervous. It was crowded, and Leonard didn't want to say anything too loud that could be overheard by any of the other kids waiting with their parents. Leaning down, Leonard picked her up and settled her on his hip.

"No, that's not really Santa Claus," he said quietly. "A lot of kids here think that is really Santa Claus, so we have to keep that to ourselves, okay?"

Joanna nodded, wide-eyed. "Who is it?" she whispered. "Does he work for Santa Claus?"

"Kind of," Leonard answered. "Kids like to tell him what they want for Christmas, and then get their picture taken."

"Like we talked about, remember?" Jim asked. Joanna nodded.

"Are you going to take the picture with me?" she asked, turning in her father's arms to look at the huge North Pole display with Santa in his chair at the center.

"Yes, both of us are," Jim said. Everyone shuffled forward a few steps in the line, and Joanna brought a hand to her mouth, a nervous gesture she'd developed over the last few months. Not having her in his classroom every day, he hadn't noticed it right away. Leonard had actually noticed it first, and mentioned it to Jim. Now, Jim gently pulled that hand away from her mouth and held her.

After a few minutes, Leonard went to put Joanna down, but she stopped him. "No, Daddy. I want you to hold me," she said.

"I'll hold your hand," he said, not wanting to validate her insecurity by giving in to the childish request. It wasn't as if they'd been standing in line all that long. Leonard put her down, and she held his hand, and reached for Jim's again too. They swung her hands, talking to her, and singing along to the happy Christmas music piped through the mall. They talked about their Christmas plans, and Jo's anxiety seemed to ease.

At least until it was their turn to take the picture.

Joanna stopped, pulling at their hands. "Daddy, no," she said, tears welling in her beautiful eyes. Leonard pulled them off to the side, and Jim asked the helping elf to let the next family go first.

"What's wrong, Darlin'?" he asked, kneeling in front of her. She had her arms wrapped around him, and was pressing her face to his shoulder.

"I don't know," she said, sniffing. "I just don't want to."

Jim joined them, gently tugging on a lock of her hair. "There's nothing to be afraid of, sweetie. He's a very friendly Santa's helper."

Joanna let out hiccupping sob, and wiped her cheeks. Jim fished in his pockets and pulled out a few napkins he'd kept left over from lunch and handed them to Leonard.

"Thanks," he said. He gently wiped Jo's cheeks of the tears and encouraged her to blow her nose.

"Jo, Jim and I would like to take a picture with you with Santa Claus. We're going to be right next to you."

"Do I have to talk to him?"

"No, sweetie," Jim replied. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"What do you think?" Leonard asked after another couple of seconds. He noticed another family go ahead of them. "Should we tell the elf that we're ready to go?"

She watched as a little boy happily clambered onto Santa's lap, and start talking. "Okay," she said.

They waited by the ropes for the current family to finish, then the elf ushered them up towards Santa.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" Santa said merrily. "And what's your name, little one?"

Joanna was clutching her father's arm, and Jim gently settled a hand on her back. He felt her trembling, but she wasn't crying. _Brave girl,_ he thought.

"Hi Santa!" Jim said brightly. "This is Joanna…and I think we're just going to take a picture today."

Catching on right away, Santa nodded. "Of course, of course. Come on over, and let's take a nice picture!"

"Want to sit on Santa's lap Jo?" Leonard asked. Keeping her eyes averted, she shook her head no.

"No? Well, that's quite all right Joanna," Santa said. "If Dad and…if everyone wants to gather around, we can take a picture that way!"

They did as suggested, with Leonard holding Joanna, and Jim standing next to them, his arm around them. Everyone smiled, and the photographer took the picture. They thanked Santa, and Joanna actually reached out to take his hand, though she had a death grip on her father's shirt with the other hand.

"It was nice to meet you Joanna!" Santa said. "Merry Christmas!"

"Thank you," Joanna said. "If I see Santa on Christmas, I'll tell him you did a very good job," she said seriously.

Jim laughed, and the Santa blinked in surprise. Then he laughed and gave her a wink.

"Thank you Joanna. I'd appreciate that!"


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim, Leonard and Jo enjoy more of the Christmas season with another family first as they get ready for the holiday.

"Wow…you look…very warm," Jim said, eyeing Joanna. She shrugged slightly, her movement muffled by the shirt, sweater, coat, and the scarf her father had dressed her in.

"Daddy says it's cold outside," Joanna replied.

Jim smiled and knelt in front of her. He tucked the scarf down under her chin, and gently tweaked her nose, making her giggle.

"Well, he's not wrong. At least we can see your face."

"You two all ready?" Leonard asked, joining them in the family room.

Jim looked up at him and was struck by how  _good_  he looked. Dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved shirt under a fleece overshirt and carrying his jacket…he cut an extremely appealing figure.  _God, h_ _e_ _'_ _s_ _hot,_  Jim thought. And suddenly he was more interested in what they could be doing after they got back, rather than what they were heading out to do.

"Jim…you're not going to be warm enough in that," Leonard said. Jim stood and looked down at himself. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, and undershirt, and jeans.

"I'm fine, Bones…I've got my jacket, too. Not all of us are thin-blooded Southerners," Jim teased.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "At least take a scarf. It wouldn't be so bad if it was dry, but it's been raining all day and it's that damp cold that'll get ya."

"Okay…" Jim said, knowing it would be easier to just go along with him. He opened the closet and fished out a scarf for himself, draping it around his neck. "Now I'm ready. Let's go pick a tree!"

"Can we listen to Christmas music on the way?" Joanna asked as her father pulled the door open and the three headed to the car.

"Are you going to sing with me?" Jim asked, smiling at her as she giggled.

"Yup!  _Jingle_ _bells,_ _jingle_ _bells,_ _jingle_ _all_ _the_ _way_ _…_ " Joanna sang, and Leonard and Jim picked up the line singing along with her.

Although it was only a little before seven, it was already dark out, and Bones was right…the low temperature felt lower because of the wet chill in the air. It had rained all day, but that hadn't mattered much to them. Jim, Leonard, and Jo spent the day inside, decorating their home for the Christmas holiday. Leonard didn't have that many decorations, but Jim…he had a surprising amount of them.

He'd shrugged and smiled, not the least bit sheepish. "Christmas is my favorite holiday," he'd explained. So, they'd unpacked the couple of boxes Jim had stored in the back of the closet in the library, and augmented Bones' own meager decorations with Jim's. The overall effect was quite festive, and it was easy to get caught up in Joanna's childish joy of the holiday she didn't completely understand. Bones found Jim's enthusiasm even more endearing, because he knew that Jim loved the holiday for what it was. And while the holiday didn't mean the same thing for him as it did for Jim, he still appreciated Jim's appreciation. It made Leonard realize again how much of Jim he loved…everything that made him who he was, including his irrepressible boyish nature when it came to things like the holidays.

And now, they were heading out to find a Christmas tree to complete the Christmas decorating. Jim directed them on a quick detour through a neighborhood that totally immersed itself in a celebration of the season. Every house on the street was decked out in lights and other Christmas displays. Leonard drove slowly down the street, letting Joanna get a good look at everything and delighting in her happiness and wonder.

A few minutes later they came to the best place to find a Christmas tree, according to Jim. It was a large operation, with rows of trees lined up by type and a big tent where hot cocoa and coffee were served to the crowd…and it was crowded. Located in a large field in a section of a public park, the family-run business was a staple of the Christmas season every year.

"I always get my trees from them. And so does Sam. They donate a percentage of what they earn to the UCSF Benioff Children's Hospital," Jim explained.

"Yeah? That's pretty good." He looked over at Jim as he parked the car at the end of one of the rows. "You got a tree for your own apartment every year?"

"Of course," Jim said. "Just because I lived alone doesn't mean I didn't decorate. I loved having a tree up." He reached out to Leonard, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck and drawing him closer, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "And this one…this is the first one I'll have as a family."

Leonard pulled back and smiled. "Well, let's go find one then."

They exited the car and Jim helped Joanna out of her booster seat, keeping a firm grip on her hand. The cars in the makeshift lot were parking in an orderly fashion, but the area was pretty dark and he didn't want to risk anything happening. Leonard joined them and took Jo's other hand, and together they walked towards the festive, decorated entrance.

"Sometimes they have carolers, and I've seen them put on a live Nativity, too. It's really neat," Jim said.

"What's a live Nativity?" Jo asked, looking up at Jim.

"It's…a kind of play," Jim explained, searching for the easiest way to explain. "It tells the story about what some people believe about Christmas."

"What do they believe about Christmas?" she asked, not satisfied with the answer.

"You know, Jo, that's a very good question that has a pretty long answer. Why don't we talk about that later, okay?" Leonard said, glancing at Jim and helping him out of a conversation that would most likely take quite a while.

"Okay," Joanna said easily. "Look at all the trees!" she exclaimed, her attention already captured by the task at hand anyway. "Let's find a tall one!"

Together they perused the aisles, keeping in mind the measurements they took of the area they were planning to put the tree in. Joanna ran ahead through the aisles, lit by intermittently placed portable lights that cast bright pools in the shadows. Jim and Leonard walked shoulder to shoulder, sneakers squeaking in the wet grass, happy to let her lead them. Jim caught Bones' fingers and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Your hand is so cold," Jim observed, wrapping his warmer hand more fully around Bones'.

"That would be because it's cold out here," he grumbled. "I shoulda brought my gloves."

Jim smiled and lowered his voice. "Just think about the ways we can warm up once we get home." He chuckled at Bones' flush, and squeezed his hand again, this time in promise. Jim looked back up, tracking Jo's progress and he stiffened slightly when she turned a corner and went out of sight.

"Jo!" he called, "Come back here!" He let Leonard go and jogged a couple of steps to where Jo had gone, slowing when she came back around into his sight.

"What?" she asked, completely oblivious to the mild panic she'd just sent Jim in to.

"You need to stay closer to us, Jo," Jim said. "I want to be able to see you."

"Okay, sorry," she said, coming back to them. She looked up at Leonard as he joined them, taking her father's hand. "Sorry, Daddy."

"It's okay, Baby. You listen to Jim, though, and stay closer to us. It's dark out here and we don't want to lose you," Leonard said, glancing at Jim, sensitive to the fact that Jim was a little freaked out by Joanna running off because of what had happened months ago. "Let's find a tree and get back home…I think it might start raining again. How about this one?"

Once focused on the task at hand, they found a beautiful, full Scotch Pine tree that everyone agreed on. It was the right height and circumference to fit within the area they'd planned, and its branches weren't releasing many needles at all, it was so fresh. Pulling the identification tag off the branch, they walked it up to the main tent and waited in line to hand it to one of the workers.

"You find the perfect tree?" an older man asked Joanna with a friendly smile. He was presumably the boss of the operation, based on the way everyone responded to him…and he looked the "jolly old elf" part, with white hair and round wire-frame glasses. Jim half expected him to burst out with a "Ho! Ho! Ho!" at any second. Jo reverted back to the reserved little girl Jim had first met, she slipped one hand into Leonard's and brought the other to her mouth, in that nervous gesture she'd developed over the last couple of months.

Leonard nudged her gently, not wanting to let her get away with retreating into silence. "Jo?" he prompted.

Shyly, she nodded. "It's the right size for the space," she said, repeating something her father had said earlier.

"Excellent! Well, if you'll just wait over here…there's cookies, hot cocoa and coffee available…we'll get your tree and get you on your way."

A short while later, the tree was lashed to the roof of the car securely, and they were on their way back.

"Can we decorate it tonight?" Joanna asked from the back seat.

"I don't think tonight, Jo," Leonard said. "It's going to be pretty late by the time we get home and get it in the stand. But we'll decorate it first thing tomorrow morning, okay?"

"But I wanted to decorate it tonight," Jo said, a whining tone coming into her voice.

"Tomorrow morning, Baby," Leonard said calmly, but with a note in his voice that indicated he considered the discussion over.

"That's not fair," Jo whined. "I can stay up late…there's no school tomorrow."

"Jo," Leonard said. "I said we're going to decorate the tree tomorrow. Now, it's already almost your bedtime, but I was going to let you stay up anyway, and help put the tree in its spot, but if you're going to whine, you're going to bed as soon as we get home."

Jim glanced at Leonard and resisting the urge to look over his shoulder at Jo. He didn't want to do anything that might encourage her to keep it up, but he could just picture the pout on her face.

"You're not fair," she said.

Leonard rolled his eyes, and Jim suppressed a smile. "Jo…" he said warningly.

"Fine," she huffed, the  _thump_  of her sneakers hitting the seat as she expressed her frustration with her unfair parent punctuating her reluctant agreement.

Jim leaned forward and turned the radio on, letting the Christmas CD pick up where it left off, appropriately in the middle of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town," and before long Joanna was in a better mood, singing along with the cd with her sweet little voice. She got most of the words wrong, but it was perfect anyway.

They took a more direct route home, and before long they were sending Joanna into the house to secure the kitten Jack, who now had the run of the apartment, so he wouldn't be able to run out side while they were bringing the tree into the house.

"Okay, he's in my room," Joanna said, coming back to the door. She held it open for them, and Leonard and Jim maneuvered through the door, around the furniture, and into the corner of the family room that they'd planned to use.

"Does it feel cold in here to you?" Leonard asked, as he set the tree down.

"A little. I'll check the thermostat," Jim said.

"And grab the scissors from the kitchen, too, would you?" Leonard called after him. "Okay Jo…I'm going to put the tree in the holder. Can you help me?"

"Yeah," she said, moving around the tree and grasping it, "helping" her father to settle it within the holder.

"The thermostat was set to 75," Jim said, joining them in the family room. "But it's more like 50 in here. I checked the heater and the breakers and didn't see anything overtly wrong, but I'm not sure I'd recognize a problem if it was right in front of my face."

"Great," Leonard muttered. "The heater must be broken. Jim can you secure the bolts?"

"Oh, sure…hold on."

Jim crawled under the tree and Joanna joined him, and together they tightened the bolts that held the tree upright.

"Okay…Jo, come with me and we'll get the tree some water, and then it'll be all set until we're ready to decorate it tomorrow," Jim said.

"I'm just going to let Jack out of my room," Joanna said and she hurried off to do that and then joined Jim back at the tree, Jack creeping along cautiously behind her, his large amber eyes fixed on the strange outside smelling thing that didn't belong in his space. Jo poured the water into the bowl, and then crawled back out.

"Uncle Jim, what if Jack wants to climb it?" Jo asked, watching as the cat eyed the tree from a safe distance.

"Uh…well, we'll just have to train him not to," Jim responded. He actually hadn't thought of that, and wondered if Bones had.

"Heater's broken," Leonard announced, coming back into the family room. He'd taken the time to change into a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and felt warm enough despite the mechanical malfunction. "I called the maintenance number, but as it isn't an emergency, they'll only be out sometime tomorrow, so we'll have to make due with just extra blankets tonight."

"It'll be like camping outside!" Jo said, inordinately excited about the prospect. She picked up Jack who gave a friendly  _brrp!_  as she cradled him in her arms.

"You've never even been camping," Leonard said, amused. He ruffled his little girl's hair and smiled at her as she shrugged.

"Janie did, and she told me it was cold, and she had to wrap up in a blanket in her sleeping bag. I don't have a sleeping bag, but I can pretend to go camping in my room. Can I make a tent?"

"Yeah, we can do that!" Jim said. "C'mon Bones…I'm gonna go change, and then let's make a tent."

Together they spent the next while rearranging Jo's room to make a campsite. They laid her bedding down on the floor, added a couple of extra blankets and a big comforter usually reserved for making up the pull-out bed, and added a whole bunch of pillows and Jim used a sheet to make a tent. Jack, curious about the seemingly solid expanse stretching from the bed to the dresser where the edge of the sheet was tucked into tightly closed drawers, attempted to walk across it, and took down the whole structure. Jim lifted him away and did it over again while Leonard took Jo to the bathroom to wash up, and had her change into her warm pajamas. Then, the three of them crawled under the secured sheet, into the tent, to settle her in and tell bedtime stories.

"What do you want to hear, Jo?" Leonard asked, lying on his side next to her.

"Umm…it's maybe not really a story," Joanna said. "But can you tell me what some people believe about Christmas?"

Jim, lying on Joanna's other side, caught Leonard's eyes over her, and after a moment he nodded slightly, giving Jim the permission he was looking for.

"It is a story, Jo," Jim said, with a smile. "It's one of the best stories ever."

"How does it go?" she asked.

"Well, it starts with two people who were about to get a big surprise…"

Lying comfortably and secure between her father and Jim, Joanna listened to the story of the holiday. Jack joined them after a little while, circling his chosen spot then kneading it for a while before settling down near Jo's head. Jim finished his very simple telling of the Christmas story, answered a few questions she had, and left her a little while later. Saying goodnight they turned off the light and left her door open a crack so that Jack could wander around the house when his nocturnal senses kicked in.

"I cannot believe how cold it is in here," Leonard muttered, quietly closing their bedroom door behind them. Jim smirked and headed into the bathroom.

"And I cannot believe how much of a wimp you are," he teased. "It's not that bad, Bones."

"Says you," he grumbled. He scowled as Jim chuckled and he climbed into bed, pulling the blankets up around himself securely. He lay there, watching Jim as he stood at the sink, the light from the bathroom spilling out into the bedroom and mingling with the low light from the lamp on the bedside table, taking a moment to reflect on everything Jim brought to his and his daughter's life.

_Would_ _I_ _have_ _built_ _a_ _tent_ _with_ _Jo?_  he thought. He liked to think he would have, but he had to concede to himself that it was more likely he would've brushed the suggestion aside, told her it was late, and that she had to get to sleep, and that they'd play tomorrow. And none of that would've been wrong, but it also wouldn't have been as much fun for her. His instinct was to have her in her bed, under a couple of blankets, not on the floor with pillows and blankets for her to snuggle in. And there was really no reason for it…the only difference was one was fun and allowed Jo to use her imagination and made bedtime a bit of an adventure on a regular weekend night.

Jim's easy ability to see why a tent is better, and why a bunch of blankets and pillows on the floor was more inviting than a bed made him special. It was that quality that allowed him to appreciate the Disney trip the way he had, and it made him good at relating to his students. It was like he never forgot what it was to be a kid. And because all of that, having Jim in his life made him a better person, and a better father.

Jim turned off the light in the bathroom and padded in his bare feet across the carpeted floor to join Bones in the bed. He pulled back the blanket and lay down quickly, moving close to Bones and sighing his comfort as he felt the warmth from his body dissipating the chill that had clung to his clothes. Bones uncurled enough to wrap an arm around Jim's shoulders and pull him close, just holding him, hugging him.

"I love you," he murmured. "So much."

Jim tightened his hold on Bones, cupping his head with one hand. He pulled back to look in Bones' eyes, smiling softly. He kissed him softly, then pulled back to and his forehead to Bones'. He closed his eyes, and just lost himself in the feel of Bones arms around him. Bones kissed him again, and Jim opened to him, deepening the kiss. Bones hummed in pleasure, sliding one leg between Jim's thighs. Jim's hands roamed over him, squeezing his shoulders, running through his thick hair, then let his hand slide down the length of his back to his ass.

"Clothes," Jim said, breathing heavily as he caught the breath Bones had kissed right out of him.

"It's cold," he murmured, moving to kiss Jim's neck.

"I'll keep you warm, Bones." Jim pulled up on the sweatshirt Bones was wearing, and he grumbled about it but helped Jim pull it over his head before moving to remove Jim's much less bulky t-shirt. They rolled under the blankets so that Leonard was on his back and Jim was supporting himself over him. He looked into Bones' eyes and leaned down to kiss him again, loving how easily and completely Bones gave himself over to him, the way he spread his legs to let Jim settle fully against him, the way Bones held him and the way he said and showed he loved him.

Jim pressed his hips down, thrusting himself down against Bones, feeling him respond to the pressure within the sweatpants he was still wearing. Jim reached down and gently squeezed Bones' hardening length. Bones moaned into the kiss, his hands tightening on Jim's shoulders.

"C'mon, Bones…I want you naked," Jim said, sitting up and tugging at his sweatpants. Bones lifted his hips and helped him, then reached for Jim's waistband and slid his pajama pants down his slim hips. He sat up with Jim straddling his lap, letting the blankets fall away from them, the cold forgotten. They kissed, and Bones squeezed Jim's ass. He held him tightly and smiled as Jim moaned at the contact.

Finally free of all their clothes, Jim urged Bones to lie back down, and he settled on him, pulling the blanket up over their bodies. He kissed Bones deeply, gasping when he felt fingers gently rubbing over his hole.

"Lube?" Bones asked breathlessly. Jim looked up, eyes searching for the tube they always kept nearby, and stretched his body to snag it from off the nightstand. He handed it to Bones who managed to get it open and get some in his hands. Jim took it back and squeezed some into his hand, too. He reached down and took hold of Bones' erection, giving him a couple of strokes that made him buck up with a gasp. Bones reached around Jim's hip and rubbed his lubed fingers over Jim's hole, gently pressing, teasing the sensitive skin, urging the muscle to loosen. Jim groaned as Leonard slipped a finger inside, gently moving it in and out.

"Oh, god…Bones…" he breathed, eyes slipping closed.

"You like that, Jim?"

He took a shaky breath. "Oooh…oh, yeah."

Jim slowly stroked Bones, his hard length pulsing in his grip. Bones carefully added another finger, stretching him with slow thrusting movements.

"I'm ready, Bones," Jim said. "Want you. Now."

"God yes, Jim," Bones murmured, removing his fingers and settling his hands on Jim's hips. Jim knelt up and moved back, slowly lowering himself onto Bones, both men groaning at the feeling. Jim balanced himself with his hands on Bones' shoulders, effectively pressing him to the mattress. He rocked himself slightly, easing more and more of Bones' length into his body, shuddering at the feel of it. Bones grit his teeth, leaning his head back on the pillow and gasping at the nearly overwhelming sensations. His grip tightened on Jim's hips, hard enough to bruise, though Jim didn't feel it.

Jim moaned Bones' name as he seated himself fully onto him, and again when Bones grasped his erection, stroking him as he thrust upwards. Jim's face tightened with pleasure and he raised himself up slightly on shaky legs, holding still before slowly lowering himself again. He did it again, harder, faster, and Bones stroked him in counterpoint to his movements. Bones grunted every time Jim lowered onto him, and Jim breathed harshly as his movements made Bones hit his prostate with every stroke.

Jim leaned down to kiss him, gently nipping at his lip before soothing it with his tongue, before sitting up and rotating his hips, making them both cry out. Jim kept up the steady pace for as long as he could, until the feel of Bones inside of him and stroking him got to be too much. He moved faster, and harder, until Bones was shaking with the feel of it, thrusting up to meet Jim's downward strokes as hard as he could.

" _Coming!_ " he ground out through gritted teeth. "Jim…"

"Come for me, Bones," Jim urged, squeezing his muscles and rotating his hips again. Bones cried out and bucked under Jim, writhing as the orgasm shook him and he grunted through it. His hand tightened on Jim as he stroked him, making him shout in relief as he let go of the tension coiling within him and came hard, spurting over Bones' stomach and chest. He raised himself again, gently, easing Bones from his body and making him wince with oversensitivity in the process, then collapsed onto him, both gasping to catch their breath.

They lay quietly together, their bodies relaxing. Jim raised his head and kissed Bones again, slow and sweet, taking his hand and rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. Bones smiled at him, his eyes traveling over Jim's face. They kissed again, everything expressed in those tender touches and in their eyes.

They took a couple of minutes to clean up a little, and then lay back down together. Jim settled with a sigh against Bones, holding him as tightly as he was being held, in the warmth of the blankets and their own heat, and they drifted off to sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard gets sick, and Jim has to pick up the role of parent. Then the McCoys have their first Christmas with the Kirks.

Jim rolled over in the bed, his sleep disturbed by something he couldn't identify yet. Vaguely he became aware that he was in the bed alone, and the space beside him was cold and empty. Coming more awake, the sound that had woken him initially registered with him this time…it was the sound of someone being sick to his stomach.

"Bones?" Jim said worriedly, pushing himself up and peering through the darkness towards the bathroom. The light wasn't on – Jim couldn't see anything – but he could hear. And Bones was obviously in distress.

Sliding out of the bed, he yanked a t-shirt over his head to help ward off the chill, and tripped into his boxers as he headed to the bathroom. He turned on the light, making himself squint, and barely noticed the cold of the tile against his feet.

Bones was there, naked, crouched over the toilet bowl, as his stomach violently rejected what looked like everything he'd eaten over the course of the day.

"Bones…oh, no," he said, falling to his knees beside him. He touched him gently, one hand to his head, curving around his forehead to provide support, the other around his shoulders. Bones was clammy and hot to the touch, and he was shivering.

"I'm….ugh…okay," he rasped, trying to breathe around the urge to retch into the bowl.

"Okay? Does this seem okay to you?" Jim asked, not really expecting an answer.

Bones spat into the toilet again, and Jim flushed it, getting rid of the fouled water and the smell that was probably not helping Bones' gag reflex. It certainly wasn't helping his, that was for damn sure.

"Oh…shit," he gasped, closing the lid and resting his head on his arm as he sagged on his knees. "Told you I wasn't feeling well," he mumbled.

"Well, yeah…but this is about as far from  _"_ _just_ _a_ _head ache,_ _Jim,_ _and_ _my_ _stomach_ _feels_ _a_ _little_ _off_ _"_  as you can get." Jim moved away from him to dampen a washcloth with cool water. He handed it to him and hovered uncertainly. "What can I do Bones? How can I help you? Let me get you something to wear." Jim left him momentarily, and hurried to the bureau. He pulled out a long sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants, not wanting him to be cold.

Tenderly, Jim helped Leonard dress, and waited while he brushed his teeth and rinsed out his mouth, and then guided him back to bed. Leonard lay down with a shaky sigh, and Jim pulled the blanket up around him. He knelt by the edge of the bed, gently running a hand over Bones' head, massaging him with strong fingers.

"Do you want anything? Ginger ale maybe?" Jim whispered.

Bones swallowed, and shook his head. Nothing sounded good right now.

"I'm okay, Jim. It's just a bug…prob'ly a twenty-four hour thing. But you shouldn't sleep here…don't want you getting it too," Leonard said. "Ugh…my head is killing me. That feels nice."

Leonard burrowed deeper into the pillow and blanket, his eyes closing as Jim kept up his ministrations. Bones' breathing evened out as he relaxed, though Jim didn't think he'd fallen asleep yet.

"Be right back," Jim whispered after a couple more moments.

Leonard opened his eyes, and squinted up at Jim blearily. "You should go sleep in the extra bedroom or the couch," he said, his voice scratchy and hoarse. "I don't want you gettin' sick, too."

 _Yeah,_ _that_ _'_ _s_ _gonna_ _happen._  "Oh, don't worry about me. I never get sick. My immune system's been built up by exposing myself to germy children. I'll be right back," Jim said again. He hurried to the kitchen, got a cup of water, an empty cup, a can of ginger ale, and couple of Tylenol, in case Bones changed his mind, and some crackers in a bowl. In the family room, he snagged the throw blanket off the couch, and then padded back down the hall to their bedroom, taking a moment to peek in on Jo, who was sleeping soundly.

Back in the bedroom, the light was still on in the bathroom, and Jim left it like that. Quietly, he arranged everything on the bedside table, and then dragged the chair over to the side of the bed. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over Bones' forehead. He felt hot – Jim was sure he had a fever – but he seemed to be asleep and Jim didn't want to wake him.

With a sigh, he settled into the chair beside the bed and pulled the throw blanket over himself. He propped his feet up on the bed and did his best to get comfortable. He didn't think he would be sleeping tonight. Bones had sounded and looked so miserable…Jim had never seen him like that before. He washed his hands seventy-five times a day, he made Joanna take a bath nearly every night (he'd never taken a bath every night as a kid), and he was never sick. He just…didn't like knowing there was nothing he could do to make Bones feel better. He didn't like feeling helpless.

He yawned and glanced at the clock…a little after three in the morning. He reached over and turned the alarm off. There was no way Bones could go in to work today, no reason to wake him up. And Jim knew it probably wasn't necessary, but he didn't want to leave Bones alone and tonight… _oh,_ _crap_ , he thought. Tonight was supposed to be the Pot-Luck Holiday Dinner and Show at McKinley. A yearly event that took place on the last day of school before the winter break, it was an opportunity for parents and kids who wanted to attend to share a meal and enjoy a student talent show. Joanna wasn't participating in the show, they hadn't been able to talk her into it, but she'd been looking forward to Leonard attending with her. Jim was planning on being there of course, but he knew Janice, who ran the program for the last three years, was counting on him to help work the event.

Jim sighed again and rubbed a hand over his face.  _Well_ _there_ _'_ _s_ _no_ _way_ _in_ _hell_ _Bones_ _is_ _going_ _to_ _be_ _able_ _to_ _go_ _tonight._ _I_ _'_ _ll_ _have_ _to_ _get_ _some one_ _else_ _to_ _help_ _Janice._  Jim was okay with that…going to the event with Joanna in place of Bones…he just didn't know if she would be okay with it. He yawned and slumped down in the chair a little further, deciding that he'd just handle it later…no use worrying about it now, hours from when Jo even woke up.

"Ohh…ugh…too hot," Leonard croaked, pushing the blankets off of him. Jim took his feet down and leaned forward, helping him fold the comforter down and out of the way.

"It's okay, Bones…I got it," Jim said. "It's okay. You're really hot though…think you can take some Tylenol?"

Leonard squinted at him, looking confused as to why he was there, but then shook his head and swallowed against a dry throat.

"Pretty sure I'll throw it up," he rasped. "What are you doing?"

"I…didn't want to leave you alone," Jim said quietly, and then admitted, "I was worried."

Leonard reached out and let his hand rest on Jim's knee. "I'm okay. It's just a bug. Prob'ly be fine tomorrow." He swallowed and winced. "Stupid throat is really sore."

"Want to try a sip of water? Or some ginger ale?" Jim asked.

"I'll try the water," Leonard said, pushing himself up enough to accept the cup Jim offered and take a small sip. The cool water felt good, but he resisted the urge to take more than just a sip because he was pretty sure he  _would_  throw it up, and he really didn't want to do that again.

Leonard lay back down, pulling the sheet up around him again. "Thanks, Jim."

"Of course. When it's late enough, I'll call in for you. Who should I call? Is the number in your phone?"

Leonard almost told him not to worry about it…that he'd call himself…but he stopped, realizing that Jim needed to help.

"Yeah, it is. If you could call around nine, that'll be fine. And then call the hospital…I was supposed to see a patient today."

Leonard gave Jim the names of the people he needed to talk to, and let go of the need to do it himself, to make sure that all of his bases were covered himself. He'd been so used to being the only one to deal with whatever came up, it was hard to let someone else take over. But he'd done it for Jim, and it made Jim feel better to do it for him.

"You should try to sleep."

"What about you? You gonna sit there all night?"

Jim shrugged and scooted forward in the chair, reaching to run his fingers through Bones' hair again, the gentle touch soothing and meant to urge Bones to relax and close his eyes.

"I'm fine," Jim said. "You just sleep. I'll take care of everything in the morning."

" 'Kay," Leonard murmured. Jim smiled slightly as his eyes closed again his breathing evened out as he fell back asleep. Jim leaned back in the chair and pulled the blanket back over himself. Keeping his eyes on Bones, Jim made plans for the morning…call a sub, call in for Bones, get Jo to school, talk to Janice about the dinner tonight…all to do in the morning…

"Uncle Jim? Uncle Jim?" Jim started slightly, waking suddenly to the quiet voice whispering in his ear. "Is something wrong with Daddy? Am I going to school today?"

"Jo," Jim said, straightening up in the chair. He winced as his back cracked. "Your dad's not feeling great, but he's okay. Let's be real quiet to not wake him up, ok?"

"Ok," Jo whispered back. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, then refocused on the little girl standing at his elbow. "Jo…what are you wearing?"

She looked down at herself. "Daddy didn't put clothes out for me this morning. Did you know that Jake knocked over the Christmas tree again? Do I have school today?"

"The tree…yeah, you have school today," he said, standing…and then glanced at the clock. "Oh, shit!"

"You said a bad word!" Joanna whispered so loudly she may as well have been talking in a normal voice.

"Sorry…go on into the kitchen, Jo. I'll be there in just a second."

They were late. Jim fell asleep, and now they were late. Not too late, but late enough. Hurrying to the dresser, he pulled out some clothes for himself and dressed quickly. Looking back over at the bed, he noticed that Leonard was awake, and watching him quietly.

"Hey," Jim said, coming back over to him and leaning down to kiss his forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Eh. Better than last night," he replied. And Jim smiled in relief. He did sound better. "I took the Tylenol a second ago."

Jim's eyes widened slightly. "Were you awake when Joanna came in?"

Leonard nodded, smiling faintly.

"Well, don't worry about anything. Just rest and concentrate on not throwing up again," Jim said. "I got it."

"I know," Leonard replied. "You did say a bad word, though."

"Always so observant," Jim said dryly. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm just gonna lay here. I feel like if I move I might make myself sick again."

"Okay…I'm going to go get Jo dressed, do breakfast, fix the tree…again, damn cat…call in for you, and get Jo to school, do a couple of things, and then I'll be back."

"Thanks for taking care of everything," Leonard said. "But you don't have to take the day off to stay home with me."

"I know, Bones. But I want to. I love you," he said. "And I wish you felt better."

"Already do, Darlin'. Especially when Jo called you out for cursing."

Jim chuckled and shrugged. "Well, I'm glad I could help a little."

 

* * *

 

"Are you excited?" Jim asked, looking down at Jo as he held her hand and guided them through the parking lot to the gym that had been transformed with tables and chairs for the evening.

With typical six year old honesty, Joanna replied, "I wish Daddy could come."

Jim nodded, understanding the dejected tone of voice. "I know, sweetie. I wish he could come too, but he needs to rest. We don't want him to be sick for Christmas, do we?"

Jim had spent the day doting on Bones, making sure he was comfortable, making him chicken broth when he felt like he could keep something down, watching him sleep or watching whatever inane program was on in the middle of the workday with him. And though Jim knew he was probably driving Bones a little nuts with his insistence on being there, he let him, and made Jim feel better in the process.

"No," she said. "And I'm still glad you're coming with me."

"I'm glad, too, Jo," he said. And he really meant it, because he would be able to sit with her, and enjoy the evening without having to be one of the staff working during the event. Janice Rand had been extremely understanding, and with a little quick work at getting someone else to take his place, he was free to attend with Jo as simply a spectator of the event. It was a new role for him, and though he knew Jo was disappointed Leonard couldn't come tonight, Jim was just selfish enough to admit that he wasn't sorry Bones had given him the excuse to not have to work. He loved that he was going to have a chance to do something like this with Jo as the parent in attendance. It was awesome.

"Where should we sit?" Jo asked, pressing close to him and holding his hand tightly, as always a little wary in a crowd.

"Well, let's go put the pasta salad down, and then we'll choose a place to sit." Jim led them to the table that held all of the dishes that were donated for the evening. Jim had made the one thing he knew he could make really well…his mother's recipe…that afternoon, with Jo's help. They'd had silly fun in the kitchen, laughing at each other as they washed, peeled, and Jim cut the vegetables that were part of the salad. Aside from the fact that poor Bones felt like crap, it'd been a good day.

And now, they were settling into a table with a few other kids Jo knew from her class and their parents, getting ready to watch the show. Jim smiled and nodded to the kids and parents from his own class who saw him and said hello, but he didn't engage with them, his attention focused on Joanna for the evening.

They had a good time that evening, going up to the table where the dishes were laid out and trying several different things. And when the entertainment started, Jim got a kick out of watching Jo enjoy the different acts. Elementary aged kids participated with their class, and the middle school aged kids were welcome to do individual or small group acts. When it was Jo's class' turn to go up, Jim Jo watch most of her classmates head to the stage and stand in their pre-arranged spot for the song they'd been practicing.

"You can still go up, if you want, to sing with them," Jim said quietly, leaning close to her.

Jo bit her lip, and appeared to be thinking about it…Jim had hope…but then she shook her head.

"No, I just want to sit and watch. Is that okay?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Sure, Jo," Jim replied, putting his arm around her and drawing her chair closer to his as she leaned into his side. He kissed the top of her head and gave her a squeeze and together they watched the classes and the other acts. Janice was the MC of the evening, and she did a good job keeping everything moving along, and the kids who performed all had fun. It was a successful evening all around, and at the end of it, they collected the almost-completely empty dish, and hand-in-hand headed out.

"Uncle Jim, I have to go to the bathroom," Jo said.

"Okay, sweetie," Jim said. They paused outside the kids' bathrooms in the hall. "I'll wait for you right here, okay?"

"Okay!"

Standing in the hall, Jim chatted with a few people who stopped to say hello to him, and as he did he noticed Mrs. Caswell and Mrs. Keefe standing to the side. Tracy Caswell hadn't been over to play with Joanna, and Joanna hadn't been invited to play at Tracy's since, Jo's birthday, and Jim was aware that Mrs. Keefe continued to make small waves of discontent through the parent organization, but with Elizabeth Dehner gone, and the fact that Jim knew he'd only be around for another few months, her antics didn't bother him nearly as much.

It took Jim finally finding everything he didn't know he wanted in Bones and Joanna to finally get to the point where he just didn't care what other people thought. He accepted that he couldn't make everyone happy, and there were going to be people who remained stubbornly, and stupidly, against his relationship, but what he had was worth too much to him. So people like Dehner, and Keefe, and Caswell…he could happily ignore them and get on with his life with Bones and Jo.

The only person he wasn't over was Hannah McCoy. But she was family. That was different.

Meeting their eyes across the hall, he smiled genially and nodded hello. They turned away from him, and he could only roll his eyes at the ridiculousness, but then Joanna came out of the restroom and slipped her hand inside of his, and together they headed out of the school to go home.

Back at home, Jim checked in on Bones, happy to see him sleeping comfortably. He collected some of the things off the bedside table…an empty ginger ale can, a half-empty sleeve of crackers, a mug with cold left-over tea…and went back to the kitchen to do some clean up, gently closing the bedroom door behind himself.

Jim helped Jo take a quick bath and get ready for bed, and then Jo spent a few minutes playing with Jack quietly in her bedroom, before settling in with a couple of books to read to Jim. He listened to her, and realized they were going to have to update her book collection to reflect her current reading level. Maybe tomorrow they could go through her books to see if there was anything else she wanted to donate to the childcare center.

When she was finished, she and Jim said bedtime prayers, and he pulled the blankets up around her.

"Can I say good night to Daddy?"

"I think he's sleeping, and we really shouldn't wake him up. Is it okay if you just see him tomorrow morning?"

"Ummm....okay," she agreed.

"Such a big girl…thank you for being so good. You warm enough?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied, reaching to give him a hug.

"I had fun with you today," Jim said.

"Me too Uncle Jim."

"Love you Sweetie. Sleep well."

"Love you too."

He left her with a nightlight and Jack, leaving her door open a crack so that Jack could leave when he wanted…though hopefully not to knock the tree over with another attempt at climbing it.

Going through the apartment one more time, he turned off lights, checked the lock on the doors, then went back to their bedroom with a cup of ice water in case Bones was thirsty. Opening the door quietly, he smiled when he saw Bones sitting up in bed, flipping through tv channels.

"Hey," Jim said, taking in how he looked. "How're you feeling?"

"Much better," Leonard replied. "Did you and Jo have a good time?"

"Yeah, it was a good night. Cute program, good food. Our pasta salad rocked, there was hardly any left." Jim came over to him, and put the cup of water down on the bedside table. He sat next to him, and ran his fingers through his hair. "You took a shower."

"Yeah, had to. I felt so much better once I did."

"You look much better," Jim confirmed. "And you're not as hot as you were before."

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine by tomorrow. You took good care of me. Thank you for handling everything today."

Jim smiled, and cupped Bones' jaw. "No reason to thank me at all. I was happy to do it…everything. I'm just gonna grab a shower. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good."

"Okay. Be right back."

"Jim…not that I want to kick you out of bed, but…"

"I'll be fine Bones. I haven't been sick in forever, and you're better."

Jim hurried through a shower, dried off quickly and dressed, and finished up in the bathroom. He turned off the light and hurried over to the bed. Bones rolled his eyes at him as Jim literally jumped over him onto the bed, bouncing on the mattress.

"What is wrong with you?" Bones asked, as he struggled to steady.

"Nothing!" Jim replied, moving up to the head of the bed and getting under the blankets. "I'm just happy your better."

Jim settled down next to him, and after huffing for a minute about Jim not acting his age, Bones put an arm around Jim's shoulders, and held him to his side. Jim sighed happily, and resting his hand and Bones' chest. They lay together, just enjoying the closeness. After a little while, they turned the television off and lay down, Bones pressed snuggly against Jim's back, his arm around him. Comfortable and warm, and happy to be together, it wasn't long before they fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

"I cannot believe how cold it is," Leonard said. He hurried to help Joanna out of her car seat, and Jim just smiled to himself, shaking his head. It was a little cold, but it wasn't freezing. This was still California after all.

"Okay," Jim said. "We all set?"

"Yup!" Jo replied. "Are we going to sit with Janie and Kim?"

"Yes, they said they'd save us seats. Hold our hands, Jo."

Together, the three of them walked through the very crowded parking lot, towards the main sanctuary of the church. It was Christmas Eve, and the eight o'clock service was, as always, bursting with people. Entering the beautifully decorated church, Jo looked around with wide eyes.

"Jim, how are we going to find them?" Leonard asked, looking around the huge space.

"Well, Sam said they'd be in the third section of pews, on the left. So, let's walk down that way…"

Jim led them through the church, eyes sweeping the area, until he saw his family, waving their arms to get their attention.

"There they are," Jim said with a smile, waving back. "Let's go around this way…"

Reaching their seats, the girls greeted Joanna happily, and settled her between the two of them.

"I'm so glad you could come, Jim!" Aurelan exclaimed, hugging him. "And I'm happy you decided to join us, Leonard," she continued, reaching to hug Leonard too.

Leonard wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so he just gave her a hug back and said something about being grateful for the invitation. He hadn't been all that keen about going to services on Christmas Eve, and Jim hadn't pushed him about it.

When Jim had first brought up going to church tonight, Leonard had encouraged Jim to go ahead with Sam and Aurelan, but didn't have any interest in going, or in having Joanna go. But though Jim was disappointed, he didn't push it. He also didn't plan on going without Leonard and Jo.

" _Christmas is about being with your family," Jim said, almost exactly echoing their conversation about Thanksgiving a little more than a month ago. "And I want to be with you and Jo."_

_Leonard had lived with that answer for about two days before he realized that he really had no business denying Jim this request. He'd gone across the country to spend Thanksgiving with the McCoy family. Leonard could put aside his lack of interest in the religion and go to church so Jim could be with his family. It mattered to him, and so it should matter to Leonard. And it meant more to Jim than he'd let on._

" _Thank you," Jim had said, kissing him soundly. "So much. I would've not gone to stay and have Christmas with you and Jo, and I know you don't believe in it, and aren't interested in it, but it's important to me, and to my family."_

" _I'm sorry I didn't realize that right away, Jim," Leonard said, holding him close. "I shouldn't have put you in that position. It shouldn't have even been a question."_

So, now, here they were…for the first time in decades Leonard was going through the motions of a Christmas Eve service, and his daughter was attending her first church service ever. He smirked to himself, imagining the look on his mother's face when he told her that Jim had been able to do what she hadn't for the majority of his life.

Before the service began, the church's choral group led the attendees in some favorite Christmas carols, and though Joanna didn't know all the words to carols like "O Holy Night" and "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear", Jim showed her how to find them in the booklets put out especially for the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day services, and she was able to read along, singing happily with Janie and Kimmie. Same, Aurelan and Jim sang, too. He winked at Leonard as he sang too, and Leonard smiled, and mumbled along, really not knowing the words at all, but he was there, so he may as well make an effort. Jim saw, smiled, and took his hand, holding him tightly.

The service began a little while later, and Leonard settled in to wait it out. As the pastor talked, however, it became clear that this service wasn't going to be what he'd expected. It wasn't full of rebukes on behavior, reminders that nothing they (as mere humans) did would ever be good enough, or that they were going to be left out if they didn't take what some carpenter said over 2,000 years ago as unequivocal truth.

No…it wasn't any of that.

Instead, the pastor talked about sacrifice for the good of others, doing something because it was right, even though it was the harder path, about looking beyond yourself and acting on behalf of those who couldn't act for themselves. It was religious, too, for sure. The pastor brought it back around to the birth of Jesus Christ and what that meant for the world, and the lessons that everyone could learn from the stories about that one life, whether you believed in His divinity or not. And Leonard…Leonard found that he didn't mind listening to that message as much as he thought he would.

"I look out over all of you tonight, and I know that, easily, two-thirds of you are here because it's Christmas," the pastor said towards the end of his sermon. "But there's nothing wrong with that. Because if you were going to choose just one night out of the year to come and be reminded of what we have because of what someone else did, then this is the night to do it. And I hope that the message of tonight lives in your heart for the next year, and that you  _act_  on it. Let's bow our heads in prayer…"

The church service ended a short while later, with the pastor wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas, and leading the congregation in "The First Noel" as they filed out. The McCoys and Kirks stood off to the side of the doors of the church, gathering to talk and plan.

"You guys coming over for a while still?" Sam asked.

"That's the plan. We'll meet you there," Jim said.

"Terrific. I have snacks and hot cocoa, and we can all watch  _Emmit_ _Otter_ _and_ _the_ _Jug-Band_ _Christmas_ ," Aurelan said.

"What's that?" Jo asked.

"It's a movie we watch every year!" Janie said. "It's about an otter named Emmit who has a jug band!"

Jim laughed at Joanna's confused expression, Janie's explanation not really explaining anything at all.

"It'll make more sense when you actually see the movie, sweetheart," Aurelan said.

"Okay, let's get going…see you in a few."

Back in the car, Joanna asked for her Christmas cd, and Jim obliged, singing along with her and laughing at Leonard's long-suffering sigh.

When they arrived at the Kirks', Aurelan was already in the process of making cocoa, and Leonard gave Joanna her warm Christmas pajamas to change into so she didn't have to be careful of the pretty deep-red dress she'd warn to church all night.

The three girls settled on the floor in a mass of pillows and blankets with their snacks and cups of hot chocolate and Joanna watched the movie about Emmit Otter for the first time ever. The adults arranged themselves on the couches in the family room, relaxing and enjoying the girls' amusement at the antics of the muppet movie characters.

They didn't stay late past the end of the movie, needing to get home and get Joanna to bed so that Santa could make his delivery. She was drowsy enough that Leonard carried her out, pausing to thank Aurelan and Sam for everything. Aurelan gave him a kiss on his cheek, Sam grasped his shoulder warmly. Jim said his goodbyes, hugging Aurelan, and then getting caught up in a huge hug from his brother.

"I'm so glad you came tonight, Jim. I wasn't sure you were going to," he said. "I want to make sure we stay close, you know?"

"Yeah," Jim said. He did know. That was the one thing their mother always told them…to be good to each other…to watch out for each other…and to stay close. Jim had been aware that he wasn't seeing his own family as much, as wrapped up with Leonard and Jo as he was, but he knew it was important to keep living what their mom had always insisted on. "We will, Sam. I promise."

Joanna roused from her drowsy state for the drive home, and Jim and Leonard talked to her about the evening.

"Did you like the church service?" Jim asked.

"I liked the singing. All the talking was a little bit boring," she said.

"Did you learn anything from all the talking?" Leonard asked, curious about what had registered with his little girl.

"Umm…I think it was about helping other people, if you can. And being nice to people even if they're not always nice to you," she said. "Is that right?"

"I…think that's a pretty good take away," Jim said, turning to smile at her. "What do you think Bones?"

"Sounds about right to me," he agreed.

Once home, they fixed the tree (again, damn cat), and put Joanna right to bed. It was already a little past midnight, and they were relatively certain that no one would be sleeping in very late…not with the excitement of Santa's imminent visit. Fortunately, Joanna was unaccustomed to being up so late, and she was tired, so it was relatively easy to get her to go back to bed.

Once she was settled, Leonard and Jim retired to their room, and Jim caught Leonard in his arms, holding him tightly as they kissed. It was a slow, deep kiss, full of love and passion and promise. They pressed against each other, and managed to walk themselves to the bed without really pulling apart.

"Mmm…this is the best Christmas ever. Want to open your present now?" he asked suggestively. Leonard chuckled and started undoing the buttons on Jim's shirt, taking the invitation.

"You know, I didn't really get you anything, Darlin'," Leonard said apologetically. Jim pulled back and looked Leonard in the eye, a small smile on his face.

"Yes you did," he said sincerely. "I have you and Jo. And we have each other."

"All I ever wanted," Leonard said. "Is what we have now."

Jim smiled, his eyes bright. "Like I said…best Christmas ever."


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special Christmas Day.

"Like I said, Bones…best Christmas ever," Jim said. He held Leonard's warm gaze, a smile pulling at his lips, crinkling the corners of his blue eyes. "What?" Jim asked, after a few moments of silence as Bones gazed at him.

"Nothing. Just thinking of everything you've given me," he answered quietly. "These past months have been so..." He shook his head, unable to find a word that was powerful enough to say what he felt.

Jim's smile widened and he reached up to run his fingers through Leonard's hair, making his bangs fall over his forehead. Jim slid his hands up Leonard's arms, gently squeezing his biceps, and then up around his neck, running his fingers through the short hair at his neck. He pulled, and Leonard let himself be pressed downward to meet Jim's lips.

"We still have to play Santa…set up Jo's gifts," Leonard said. He kissed Jim softly, over and over again, leaning down further to nuzzle his jaw, then kiss his neck.

"Plenty of time before she wakes up," Jim said encouragingly, a little breathless.

"True," he replied. Leonard went back to undoing the buttons on Jim's shirt, pushing it open. Jim moved to help him take it off as Leonard turned his attention to his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping, then urging Jim to lift his hips so that they could be pushed down.

Leonard settled down beside Jim, wrapping an arm around him as Jim did the same. They held each other, kissing, just enjoying the feel of each other.

"I love you so much," Bones murmured. Jim smiled, feeling his words as easily as he heard them, reveling in them and in everything they meant.

"I love you," he replied, his voice thick with emotion.

Bones smiled against Jim's lips, and bracketed Jim's face in his hands, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks, holding his gaze until Jim was the one who had to look away, feeling too much in the moment to be able to keep it all inside. Eventually, Jim rolled his eyes at himself and blinked quickly. Leonard just gave him a small smile, his thumb brushing gently at the wetness caught in Jim's lashes. A little embarrassed, Jim flushed slightly and moved his head to catch Bones' lips in another kiss while reaching behind Bones to pull on his shirt, untucking it and pulling it up his back, his hands sliding around his side, over his ribs to ease the shirt up around his body, and Leonard pulled away enough so that Jim could pull the shirt up and over his head.

"Pants," Jim murmured, his hands moving to work Leonard's button and zipper. Kissing, chuckling at each other as they tried to get Leonard's pants off. Finally they were skin to skin, only their underwear still separating them. Leonard slipped a hand into Jim's underwear, closing his hand around him, and Jim moaned, bucking slightly. He was already hard, and Leonard felt him twitch as he trailed his fingers slowly up the soft skin of the shaft, from the base to just under the head, and then down again. Jim gasped into the kiss, his body shivering in pleasure as he reached lower, rolling Jim's balls, smiling as he jerked. He was always very sensitive there, and handling him gently had a tickling, stimulating effect that he couldn't take for long.

"Oh, god, Bones," Jim murmured, squeezing his eyes closed and clutching Bones' shoulders as he bucked into his hand. He panted, his hips escaping his control at the touch. "Such a tease."

Leonard chuckled and withdrew his hand after another gentle pass, making Jim whine at the loss.

"Impatient," Leonard teased. Jim snorted and sat up, pushing at Leonard's shoulders, urging him to lie back. "What?..."

"Let me, Bones," Jim said, kissing his way down Leonard's body. He pulled at his underwear, and Leonard lifted his hips to let him pull the last item of clothing off. Jim settled himself at Bones' waist, and looked up his body, his eyes smiling. Bones quirked an eyebrow at him and Jim gave him a cheeky grin. He loved the easy way they could enjoy each other now...so different from the way it was in the beginning.

Sliding his arms under Leonard's thighs and pressing his legs further open, Jim took him in his mouth. Leonard let his head fall back with a groan as Jim's tongue fluttered against him. He pulled back to suck at the head, taking the bottom of Leonard's shaft in his hand, giving him short strokes. Leonard grunted and thrust, and Jim pulled off of him to lick up and down the underside. He was breathing harshly, one hand closing into a fist in the blankets, the other resting on Jim's head, trying to not pull his hair.

"Stop, stop," Leonard finally ground out, as he felt himself rushing towards orgasm. Jim's concern melted away when he realized Leonard was reaching for him. He came back up Leonard's body and settled himself down, laying comfortably on Leonard, chest to chest. He hummed as Leonard cupped the back of his head and they kissed, moving against each other and teasing each other with the slow slide of skin on skin.

Awash in sensation, they kissed and gasped and murmured encouragement to each other as they enjoyed the unhurried, drawn out pleasure. The tension built within them, making their muscles tremble. Jim threaded their fingers together, holding Bones' hands tightly, pressing them to the mattress. He stared down into his expressive face, eyes closed tightly and a line of tension visible between his eyebrows.

"Oh, god, Bones," Jim moaned. He reached his peak with enough force to make his vision white out for a second, his whole body tightening in ecstasy. Jim dropped his head down to rest against Leonard's shoulder and reached a hand down between their bodies, grasping Bones' erection and giving him a few strokes until he felt him arch and cry out with the intensity of his own orgasm.

Leonard opened his eyes as he caught his breath, holding Jim against him as he breathed harshly against his neck, his own racing heart slowing as he started to relax. They lay quietly for a couple of minutes, until Jim shifted and Leonard let him go so he could move to his side. He raised a hand to Bones' face, cupping his cheek before drawing his fingers through his hair at his temple.

Leonard reached up and caught Jim's hand, and bringing it to his lips, he kissed the back of his knuckles. Jim smiled, the gentle gesture reminiscent of one of their first times together.

"We should get up…arrange her toys," Leonard said. "And then get back here."

"Sounds good," Jim said quietly, though he made no move to actually get up. As warm and comfortable as he felt right then, lying pressed against Bones' solid warmth, arms around each other…he could so easily fall asleep like this. But tomorrow was Christmas morning, Joanna would be up in a matter of hours, and they had a job to do.

"C'mon," Jim said, pushing himself up reluctantly and stretching. "Let's play Santa."

They cleaned up quickly and dressed, and Leonard went to their closet to pull out the presents they'd been hiding – some for a few weeks.

"I'm gonna go get the bike out of my trunk," Jim said, reaching out to run a hand along his back.

"Okay, meet you in the family room. Can I make you some hot chocolate or tea?" he asked.

"Yeah, hot chocolate would be great," Jim said. "Can you add those little marshmallows I like?"

Jim followed Bones out of their room, walking quietly so as to not wake Joanna. To their relief, the tree was still standing, Jack having not yet attempted to climb it tonight. Feeling relaxed and happy, and like everything was just  _right_ , Leonard went into the kitchen to make their hot drinks, taking down the requested marshmallows to add to Jim's cocoa, a little smile on his face.

He heard the front door open, and he carried their mugs out to the family room to find Jim on his knees, arranging the presents. There weren't many – Leonard wasn't one of those parents who went overboard. Every year, since she was old enough to understand the concept, Leonard had her write out her letter to Santa, asking for four things…and he saved those letters, to Jim's delight. He read through them, noting the way her handwriting had developed.

"Do you think she actually believes in Santa?" Jim asked, handing the letters back to Bones. "I mean, she seemed to when we went to get the picture at the mall, but she's such a smart cookie."

Leonard shrugged, taking them and sliding them back in their envelope, one at a time. "I don't really know. Sometimes I'm sure she does, but then she'll say something that makes me think she might just be humoring me."

Jim chuckled, and Leonard shrugged again, shaking his head. He looked down at this year's letter to Santa, a small fond smile coming over his face as Leonard continued.

"I just figured I'd play along as long as she wants to. And for now, she still seems to want to. And…I want her too. I want her to stay a little girl as long as possible."

Jim smiled, nodding in understanding. She was only six…there was a lot of time left in her childhood, but he could understand Bones' feeling of wanting to keep his daughter young. He kinda felt that way himself.

Jim sighed and looked over the wrapped presents arranged around the base of the tree. The lights decorating the tree shined brightly in the otherwise dim room, and they bounced off the silver and gold bows. It really was very pretty. Very Christmasy. Very homey. Perfect.

The gifts from Santa all had the same paper – reindeers, Santas, and the words "Ho! Ho! Ho!" – the bike was from Leonard, and Jim bought her an easy to use digital camera…her interest in photography since seeing Jim with his more professional camera having not waned at all.

Leonard had protested that present, not wanting Jim to spend a lot of money on something she might not even want in a couple of months.

_"Don't worry about it," Jim had said. "A camera like this isn't expensive…probably less than her bicycle was. It doesn't use film, the memory card is good for forever, and I can show her how to use the computer program to do photo manipulations. We'll have fun with it."_

And then there was the "big" present from both Leonard and Jim to Joanna…a beginner's laptop. It was very basic, preloaded with a simple word processor program and some educational games. That was the extent of its capabilities, but that was all they wanted. Leonard liked the idea of Joanna being able to learn the basics of a computer, and he didn't discount the hand-eye coordination that some of the games encouraged. He didn't, however, want to get a Wii or any other kind of game console just yet. The laptop was a good solution.

Jim smiled at the two clumsily wrapped presents…both from Joanna. One to him, and one to Bones. Earlier in the month, Aurelan had taken all the girls shopping to buy their fathers Christmas presents. Joanna had some money she'd "earned" by doing some basic chores, and though both Leonard and Jim had insisted that they didn't need anything, and would be happy for her to saver her money, Joanna had insisted. Jim had found that incredibly sweet, and he honestly couldn't wait to see what she'd decided to get him.

Hannah McCoy had sent three presents as well, one for each of them. And Jim had felt honored that she'd included him, despite the fact that she was still conflicted over his relationship with her son. He looked forward to calling her Christmas morning and thanking her for whatever it was she'd sent them.

Jim sighed happily and scooted back, leaning against the couch where Bones also sat on the floor, and rested against his side. He took another sip of his hot chocolate, enjoying the feel of the softened marshmallows on his tongue. He heard Leonard yawn, and he lifted his head to give him a fond look.

"What time is it?" Leonard asked tiredly. Jim leaned to the right to see the clock, and then settled against Bones again.

"A little after two. Want to go back to bed? We've probably got about about four hours before Joanna wakes up."

"Mmm…not yet," Bones said. "Did you see anything else under the tree?" he asked curiously.

Jim frowned and scanned the assorted gifts. "No…what…oh. Hold on a sec." He leaned forward and moved closer to the tree on his hands and knees, reaching to snag a plain envelope that he'd missed among the brightly-wrapped packages. He sat back down next to Bones, turning the envelope over in his hands. His name was written on one side of it. "I thought you said you didn't get me anything," Jim said, looking at him with a playfully accusing glare.

Leonard shrugged, an unapologetic smile on his face. "Well, it's not really just for you," he said. "It's for both of us. So, no…I really didn't get you anything."

"Tricky," Jim said. He hesitated, fingers poised to tear the envelope open. But then he paused, looking back up at Leonard, his expression of happy anticipation absolutely warming Leonard from the inside out. It occurred to him that this might be the first time Jim received a Christmas present from someone outside his family that came from someone he loved. "Can I open it?"

"Yeah," Leonard said. "Go ahead Darlin'." He watched as Jim smiled and tore into the envelope, and then took a couple of seconds to read the computer printout.

"Bones…what is this?" Leonard didn't respond, waiting for Jim to realize what it was he was holding. "A receipt for airline tickets? To…Seattle!" He looked up at Leonard, his eyes shining with happiness and excitement. "I've always wanted to go there…how did you know that?"

Leonard shrugged and smiled. "I remember you saying something about wanting to do some photography up there. The shoreline, the trees. And…I'm making good on my promise of going somewhere, just us. It's not quite a week. Just five days, but I thought that was close enough."

"It's just…it's more than I ever thought. It's awesome!" Jim exclaimed, throwing his arms around Leonard and kissing him soundly. "This is absolutely fantastic. But just us? What about Jo?" Jim asked, looking back down at the receipt and noting the dates.

Leonard couldn't stop grinning, thrilled at Jim's happiness. "I figured we'd go during your spring break. She'll be out of school…Aurelan has agreed to take her. And Jo herself has signed off on this, so no need to worry. She's excited to get to spend the time with Janie and Kimmie."

Jim leaned into his side and wrapped an arm around Leonard's chest, resting his head on his shoulder. Leonard held him, gently stroking his back and arm. "Thank you so much," Jim said. "I can't believe you remembered that. I mentioned it once, months ago. I am so lucky to have you, Bones. You're really the best thing that's ever come into my life." He kissed Bones again, a long, slow kiss that held the promise for something more, and some of the tiredness Bones had been feeling dissipated. "And…I have something for you, too."

"Oh yeah? You didn't have to do that," Leonard said. He cast an eye over the presents under the tree, looking for an errant present – maybe something unobtrusive, like another envelope.

"It's not out here," Jim said. "I've got it hidden in a drawer in the bedroom." He smiled at Leonard, standing and reaching to take his hand to help him up. "Let's go."

"We're opening it tonight?" Leonard said. "I don't mind waiting until the morning...uh, later in the morning."

"No, I, uh…" to Leonard's surprise, Jim actually looked a little bit shy about the whole thing. "I'd like to give it to you now."

Leonard reached for Jim's hand, allowing him to help pull him to his feet. "Okay," Leonard said, giving Jim a quick kiss. "Leave the tree lights on…we'll close Jo's door to keep Jack contained and keep him from making a mess. He should be fine for a few more hours."

Leaving the tree as it was, they left their mugs in the kitchen, and dropped off the plate of cookies and glass of milk in the family room.

"Wait," Jim said. He took a bite out of one of the cookies and gulped some of the milk, making a point to leave some crumbs and a drip of milk. "What?" he said around a mouthful. He chewed and swallowed the bite. "You have to make it look like Santa was here." Leonard rolled his eyes at him, but didn't say anything to argue. "So, how do you guys do Christmas morning?" Jim asked. "Do you take it nice and easy, or is it a free for all?"

"Well, the rule is she can't open any presents until everyone in the house is awake and at the tree. So probably about six, she'll come in and jump on the bed to wake us up. Sometimes I have some fun with that," he said. Jim laughed softly. They headed back to their bedroom, leaving the door open slightly in preparation for the morning, and Jim went to one of his drawers as Leonard took a couple of moments to pull the blankets down on the bed. He sat down on the bed and watched as Jim held a long white box. He glanced at Leonard, and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. An uncharacteristic gesture for him.

"Well, come on, Jim. You can't tell me about it and then change your mind," Leonard said, gently teasing. He was amused and puzzled by Jim's nervousness about this Christmas present, and it was making him very curious about what it was exactly.

"I haven't changed my mind," Jim said. He headed over to the bed and sat down cross-legged, facing Bones, holding the box in his hands. "So…this is a 'for you and me' present too," Jim said, looking up at Bones from under his lashes. "And, well…I don't know. I just…I hope you like it."

"I'm sure whatever it is, I'll love it, Jim. It's from you. How could I not?" Leonard said.

Jim smiled slightly, and after another moment of hesitation, handed the present over to him. Holding Jim's gaze for a second, he opened the box and examined its contents. There, secured by two ties – one at each end – were two sterling silver herringbone bracelets. He stared down at them, a wash of emotions coming over him the significance of what he was holding hit him right in the chest. Because he knew he wasn't just looking down at matching bracelets. He was looking at a promise, and a physical reminder of the place each of them had with the other. He swallowed and stared at the bracelets, too overcome to find the words to express everything he felt about the Christmas present he was holding in his hands.

Jim watched as Bones examined the bracelets, trying to read the expression on his face. He waited anxiously for a reaction. He'd been unsure about this present, and very nearly didn't give it…and now, waiting for a reaction from Bones, he wasn't sure he'd made the right decision.

"I, uh…It's…you think it's weird?" Jim stammered. "I just…I thought it…I'm sorry. We can just forget it – I'll take it back. It was just…I mean, I didn't-"

"Jim," Leonard said, looking up and cutting off Jim's nervous babble. "I love it. I love them." He freed the bracelets from the ties holding them in place, and looked up, smiling a little at the expression of relief on Jim's face. He put the box down in his lap, and reached for Jim's left hand, holding him gently for a moment, rubbing his thumb over Jim's hand as he looked into his eyes. Looking back down at what he was doing, he took one of the bracelets and fastened it around Jim's wrist, letting his fingers run over it. Then he took the other and handed it to Jim, holding out his own wrist. Jim took it and put it on Bones, then kept his hand.

Bones leaned forward, reaching for Jim, and he allowed him to pull him into a kiss, sweet and gentle. "Thank you Darlin'," Leonard said. "So much."

Jim pulled back, searching Leonard's eyes, and finding exactly what he wanted…the recognition of what he'd intended in this gift. The bracelets were much more than that to Jim, and now he knew that Bones knew it, and they were that to him as well.

Jim took the empty box and put it on the bedside table, and they lay down together. Bones put his arm around Jim and held him. Jim rested his head on Bones' shoulder, resting his arm on his chest, and Bones took that hand, holding him gently. They lay together like that, talking quietly, exchanging kisses, making plans. Sighing sleepily, Jim let his eyes close and hummed in comfort as Bones pulled the warm blanket up over them more completely, keeping the early morning chill in the apartment at bay.

They dozed lightly, never really falling completely asleep, too wrapped up in each other and the anticipation of the day ahead of them. Jim, especially, found it difficult to actually sleep. He was so excited to spend this first Christmas with Bones and Jo…he couldn't wait for Jo to open her gifts and he was excited to be a part of that. A part of his own family. It was just so incredible to him…his first family Christmas with his own family. It truly was everything he'd ever wanted.

A few hours later, drifting in that place between asleep and awake, Leonard heard the door to their bedroom open a little further. He tracked the sound of soft footsteps across the room and hid a smile against Jim's shoulder as he heard his little girl come up to the bed.

This was the first Christmas that she'd come for him and there was another person in the bed with him. In previous years, she'd climbed into bed with him, snuggled with him, told him about the presents, how many there were, what they looked like, that there were a couple for him. He wondered if she was going to do that this morning, with Jim here now. He hoped so. He wouldn't trade anything that he had now, including sharing his bed with the man he loved more than he'd ever thought possible. But he also didn't want to have give up those moments with his daughter. It was completely up to her, though, and he waited to see what she would do.

"Daddy? Uncle Jim?" Joanna whispered. They didn't respond to her, seeming to be deeply asleep, and she hesitated for a second before pulling herself up on the mattress. She knelt beside them on Jim's side of the bed, moving the mattress beneath her. Leonard felt Jim give a little start and knew that he was now fully awake, though he didn't let on to that fact, keeping his eyes closed and his body relaxed as if he were still asleep.

Joanna crawled to the end of the bed, little knees and hands pressing into their legs. "Daddy? Uncle Jim? Can you wake up now? It's Christmas…Santa came!"

Leonard gave an exaggerated snore, and Joanna giggled. "Daddy…" Joanna crawled up on him and settled herself to sit on his hip, one leg on either side of his body. "I know you're awake. And Uncle Jim. Please?"

Opening his eyes, Leonard reached for her and pulled her down, giggling and squirming, to lie between the two of them, Jim moving over slightly to give her room.

"You're both awake!" Joanna said happily. "Santa came! And there's presents under the tree for you and you, Uncle Jim! And there's a really big one that's covered by a white sheet with a bow!"

Jim smiled...that was the bike.

"Oh yeah? I guess you have been a good little girl this year after all, huh?" Leonard asked, holding her to him and giving her a kiss.

"I have! I have been good! Can we go open the presents?" she asked excitedly.

Leonard looked over at Jim who had the biggest smile on his face as he looked down at the little girl, lying between them in the warmth of their bed, obviously so happy to be part of all of this. "What do you think, Jim? Should we go open the presents?"

Jim made a big show of pretending to think hard about it as Joanna squirmed in her father's arms to turn around and look at him expectantly.

"Please, Uncle Jim? Please? There's presents under the tree for you too!" Joanna said, wrapping one of her little arms around his neck. He placed hand on her back and gave her a tender hug.

"There are, huh? Wellll….I guess so."

"Yay! Yay! Come on, let's go!" Joanna tried to push herself up, struggling against her father's hold on her until he released her and she was able to jump up and pull on their hands, urging them to sit up. "Come  _on_!"

Laughing at her excitement and exasperation with them, Leonard and Jim kicked back their blankets and got out of bed, following her as she ran past Jack in the hallway. Settling down in front of the tree, they watched as Joanna pulled presents for them from the pile, and she chose one of her own.

The morning was filled with happiness and thank-you's, and exclamations of delight, and Jim found that watching Joanna's excitement and wonder at each thing – especially those presents that were truly surprises – was better than almost anything he'd ever gotten… _with maybe one or two exceptions,_ he thought, smiling at Bones when he caught him rubbing the silver bracelet with his fingertips as they watched Jo examine each present.

Later, as Jim cleaned up the carnage of Christmas wrapping, Leonard made the French toast breakfast that both Jim and Joanna loved.

"Are we going to see Janie today? We have presents for them under the tree!" Joanna asked, her little legs swinging as she happily dug into her piece of French toast.

"Yes, we are, Baby," Leonard said. "We're going to go over a little later for Christmas dinner."

"Can we stay for a while? Can I bring some of my presents to show them?"

"Yup, we'll stay for a while," Jim said. "And I think it'll be okay if you take…two?" He paused and glanced at Leonard for confirmation. He nodded with a small shrug. "Two of the presents you got with us, okay?"

"Okay," she said happily.

And later on, when they were all together at Sam's house, the two families exchanging presents, having dinner, playing games and laughing…everything was just as Leonard ever wished for himself and his child; and Jim…Jim had exactly what he'd always wanted.

It was the best Christmas ever.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a little bump in the road that has Leonard and Jim divided until they manage to reach a compromise.

"No."

"Jim…"

" _Leonard_. No." Jim said sharply, absolutely no room for discussion in his tone.

Leonard paused in his preparation of dinner, surprised at the use of his given name, and the firm denial. He glanced over his shoulder at the other man, watching as he set the table for dinner, tension visible in his shoulders even across the kitchen. Jim's mouth was set in a hard line, projecting his displeasure with the conversation loud and clear. He didn't look up, keeping his eyes on the kitchen table, seeming to give the task at and his complete attention. Leonard turned back to the rice he was stirring, brows furrowed in consternation. He'd expected some resistance. He hadn't really expected such vehemence.

Leonard took a breath, biting back his immediate instinct to raise his voice at Jim, concentrating on the rice and giving the chicken in the other pan a poke maybe a little harder than necessary. He didn't know why he expected this to be different this time around. It wasn't like Jim could snap his fingers and change. And it wasn't as if he'd come out of the whole thing unscathed the first time around. He'd had a horrible reaction to contrast dye, he'd had a hard time coming out of his first experience of sedation, and of course there was the whole phobia he was still dealing with. That hadn't just disappeared. Life was busy, and his appointments with Chris Pike had been sporadic at best. Leonard hadn't really thought too much of it when Jim mentioned that he'd put off an appointment or had to reschedule, but in retrospect he wished he'd been more on top of it, more aware.

But…much like the original procedure, this six-month check-up wasn't really an option.

Though, Jim seemed to think it was.

"It'd be an MRI, Jim. Not a CT scan," Leonard said quietly.

"No difference," Jim said, the stubbornness in his voice not giving at all.

Now Leonard did roll his eyes as he reached the end of his patience, and turned to look at him. "Actually, there's a huge difference, Jim. And you're being unreasonable."

"I said no," Jim repeated, putting the last cup down on the table with a sharp knock of glass on wood. "And I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Talk about what?" Joanna asked, coming into the kitchen. "Is it time for dinner yet? I'm hungry."

Jim smiled at the little girl, completely dismissing the conversation with Leonard to focus on her. He picked her up and held her over his shoulder as she shrieked in delight.

"Yup, dinner's just about ready! Let's go wash our hands…" and he carried her out of the kitchen, leaving Leonard to finish up and serve their plates.

"Are you and Daddy fighting?" Joanna asked, as Jim carried her into her bathroom, Jack doing his best to trip him as he made his way down the hall.

"We were disagreeing about something, Jo, that's all."

"Your voice sounded like you were fighting." she persisted as she stood on the stepstool and washed her hands. Jim leaned against the counter, his arms folded over his chest as he looked down at her, a small smile on his face. Finished washing, she quickly dried her hands on a hand towel and dropped it back on the counter, no longer neatly folded. Jim decided to stay with Leonard's policy of "gentle honesty".

"I was a little frustrated, Jo. But I'm not angry. Sometimes adults don't agree on things, that's all."

"Kayla at school said her mommy and daddy were fighting a lot, and now she only lives with her mommy," Joanna said as she headed out of the bathroom. Jim followed, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Your dad and I aren't fighting, Jo. I promise."

Back in the kitchen, everyone sat down at the kitchen table to eat. Joanna dominated the conversation with talk of school and friends and the work she was doing, and then shifted to Spring Break, when she was going to stay at Janie's while her father and Jim took their trip to Seattle.

"How many more days Daddy?"

"Until Spring Break?"

"Yup!"

Leonard looked across the table at Jim who met his eyes briefly. "About three weeks, Baby. How many days is that?"

"Twenty-one," she answered immediately. Jim smiled a little. Between her memory and her number sense, she'd picked up the multiplication tables almost perfectly. Leonard just shook his head, still amazed. "That's a really long time! I don't think I can wait that long. Miss Aurelan says we're gonna visit the ranch, and go to the beach, and visit the zoo…"

With Leonard reminding her to take another bit of her chicken every now and then, Joanna talked on about their plans for Spring Break. Jim smiled at her enthusiasm, interjecting his own comments and ideas every now and then, and Leonard couldn't help but be lulled into a better mood as he listened to the two most important people in the world get along as if they'd always known each other.

After they'd finished eating, Jim took on the kitchen clean up so that Leonard could concentrate on kid clean up and bedtime. It was a school night, and Joanna was going through an annoying and time consuming I-don't-wanna-get-up-yet phase. Concerned about why she didn't seem to be getting enough sleep, Leonard had started checking in on her more than once before he and Jim turned in, to see when she was really falling asleep, and that was how he'd discovered what the problem was.

After she was put to bed, Joanna – sneaky little girl she was turning out to be – would lie in bed waiting to hear her father or Jim check on her. Then, if she hadn't already fallen asleep, she would get up, turn on the light in her closet, and read or color. Well, Leonard had put a stop to  _that_ right away. To give her the time she obviously thought she needed to read or draw quietly by herself, they'd pushed her bedtime twenty minutes earlier. Once she was in her room, ready for bed, she had about twenty minutes before it was lights out.

Although she'd not appreciated having such an early bedtime at first, so far it seemed to be working. The one downside to it was that everything else had to be done a little earlier too. They hadn't realized how much that twenty minutes was going to impact their evenings, but they were adjusting.

So now, instead of watching a little television or playing on her computer after dinner, she had a bath right away, and had to be completely ready for bed before she was allowed to do anything else.

Earlier nights for Joanna also translated more time for Leonard and Jim, too, which was something Jim usually looked forward to. Tonight though, he was tense and annoyed. As he cleaned up the kitchen, washing dishes, putting the leftovers away, he tried to reason away the annoyance he felt. It wasn't  _really_ Leonard's fault. It wasn't his fault that he'd had a cyst on his liver that needed to be dealt with. It wasn't his fault that in the course of dealing with that cyst he'd had a bad allergic reaction that had exacerbated his extreme, overwhelming dislike of allowing anything medical be done to him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the gut-churning fear he'd felt as he lay on the operating table. In that moment, as he held his breath to protect himself from the gas swirling in the mask over his nose and mouth, the only thing that had kept him on that table was the feel of Bones' hands on him. He remembered it very, very clearly…the grip Bones had on his hand, and the feel of his other hand resting on his chest. And the look in his eyes that promised,  _promised_ , he'd be okay…that everything would be all right. That was what made it possible for Jim to go through with it.

The thing was, though…Jim knew that Bones probably didn't realize that. Sure, he knew Jim was phobic, in the clinical-definition sense, but he doubted he truly understood how scared he was. And really…it didn't matter if it was a CT or an MRI or an x-ray. He'd meant it when he said he was never doing anything like that again.

But Bones was going to push, and he was going to want to talk about it, and he was going to try to reason with him, bargain with him, make promises to him.

And he just didn't want to deal with it…six-month check-up be damned.

So, when he was done in the kitchen, he made a quick decision. He headed to their bedroom, smiling to himself as he heard Jo and Bones talking as he helped her rinse her hair and finish up her bath. In the bedroom, he changed into a long-sleeved shirt, pulled on a jacket, and pulled on his sneakers.

Earlier, Hikaru and Scotty had invited him to join them for a beer. He'd declined, really preferring to spend a school night in with Bones and Jo. But that was before Bones had come home, holding a reminder postcard about scheduling an MRI for a six-month check-up, just to make sure the cyst hadn't grown back, and that everything still looked okay with his liver.

And now, after having that aborted…disagreement…with Bones about what he was willing to do with his own body, he didn't feel like hanging around for round two. Which, he knew, was pretty inevitable.

"Hey," Jim said, coming into the bathroom just as Bones was drying Jo's hair. "I'm going to go out for a little while…and you, missy, you better be sound asleep by the time I get back. So give me a hug goodnight now." Leonard looked up at Jim in surprise. He hardly ever did anything like that, and practically never on a school night. Jim bent as she raised her arms to him. Picking her up, he gave her a hug and smiled as she kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight sweetie."

"Goodnight Uncle Jim."

He put her down and Leonard handed the hairbrush to her. "Can you finish brushing your hair Jo?"

"Yup!"

"I'll be right back."

Jim checked a sigh as Leonard followed him out of the bathroom and down the hall.

"Jim…I didn't mean to upset you," Leonard said. "You don't have to leave."

"It's okay, Bones," Jim said, turning around to meet his concerned gaze. "Hikaru and Scotty invited me out, and I thought I'd go."

"I just…don't want you to feel like you have to run away from-"

"I'm not running away from anything, Bones. I'm going out to meet a couple of friends for a beer. I'll be back later, okay?" Jim said, raising his voice a little to talk over him.

Recognizing it was time to back off, even as much as he didn't want to, Leonard raised his hands in a placating gesture.

"Okay," he said. "Just…I don't want you to leave because you're angry."

Jim softened a little at that, hearing that vulnerability in Bones' voice, and knowing he was the cause. He stepped into his space to give him a kiss. "I'm not angry," he said reassuringly. "I just need to get out for a while. We'll talk when I get back, okay?"

"Yeah. Have a good time."

Leonard locked the door behind Jim, and tried not to read too much into this. Despite what he said, Leonard knew part of the reason he was leaving was because he  _was_ running away from what they had started talking about earlier. And he got that. Really, there was very little anyone could tell him about denial and the lengths that you can convince yourself to go to under the guise of normality for the fake comfort of not facing something.

He'd done that…for years…with Jocelyn.

Jim did it…for years…by ignoring the basic necessities of maintaining good health.

So, yeah. He understood. But that doesn't mean it could stay that way.

Leonard went through the rest of the motions of the night, finishing up with Joanna and letting her do the quiet reading time, then actually making sure she went to bed.

"Is Uncle Jim back yet?"

"Not yet, Baby. He's visiting with some friends, but you'll see him tomorrow morning."

She sighed deeply. "Okay," she said, drawing her Benji to her and tucking the stuffed animal under her chin. Leonard hesitated before leaving, settling on the edge of her bed and running his fingers through her hair, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

"You okay Jo?"

Joanna sighed and rolled over so she was on her back, looking up at him.

"Uncle Jim said no, but your voices sounded like you were fighting and I don't like that."

"Hm…well, Uncle Jim was right. We weren't fighting. We were just disagreeing about something. No big deal at all, and nothing for you to worry about, okay?" he said sincerely, wanting his daughter to trust and believe that.

"Okay," Joanna replied.

"Okay. Give me a kiss Baby." He leaned down to her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He kissed her forehead, her nose, blew a raspberry on her neck, making her giggle and squirm away. He caught her in his arms and gave her a hug. "Love you Baby."

"Love you too, Daddy."

He stood and shut off her light. "You're in bed now, got it?"

"Got it. Can you leave the door open for Jack?"

"Okay…goodnight Jo."

Leonard left the door open slightly, and turned the light off in the hall. It was early…he assumed that he had quite a bit of time ahead of him before Jim returned, so he settled at the kitchen table with his laptop and some student papers he wanted to get done.

He found it difficult to get into the work in front of him, preoccupied as he was with what was going on with Jim. But he stuck with it, and managed to get through the bulk of the papers before his attention started waning too much to be trusted.

Glancing at the clock – a little after nine-thirty – he packed up and headed to the bedroom, keeping a light on in the family room for Jim.

 

* * *

 

"So how've you been, Kirk?" Hikaru asked, kicking him under the table to get his attention from the one of the screens showing a game.

Jim rolled his eyes and took a swallow of his beer. "You know how I've been, man. I see you every day."

"Yeah, forty-five seconds while we're handing groups of kids over to each other or passing in the hallways doesn't exactly count," he replied.

Jim smiled and shrugged, turning the bottle around with his fingertips. "I'm good," he said. "I'm really good."

"So Leonard's treatin' ya right?" Scotty interjected, dropping back down in his chair.

"Oh, yeah. Better than..." he paused, smiling. "He's…amazing," Jim said, feeling himself flush a little. He cleared his throat and finished his beer. Hikaru and Scotty exchanged glances, smirking at each other. "What was that?" Jim asked, catching the look that passed between them.

"We've just never seen you almost speechless," Hikaru teased. "He must be something special."

"He is," Jim assured them. "And I should get going."

"Ay…don't want to keep the man waitin', now do ya?"

Jim rolled his eyes and pulled some money out of his wallet, dropping it on the table. He stood and clapped a hand on Scotty's shoulder, tossed a little salute at Hikaru who raised his glass to him in response.

"I'm glad you came out tonight," he said. "Let's do it again…maybe bring Len next time, too."

Jim nodded. "Definitely. 'Night fellas."

Jim headed out of the bar to the parking lot, and took a deep breath of the sweet-smelling night air to clear his head of the atmosphere of the bar. He stretched, and let himself in the car. Time to go home.

It only took a few minutes to get to the apartment, and when Jim let himself in, he saw that Bones had left a light on for him. He detoured to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water. Not one to drink much at all, he'd only had a couple of beers over about three hours and he didn't expect any ill effects in the morning. But it was late, and it was an early morning, so he figured making sure he was hydrated wouldn't hurt.

He turned off the light in the kitchen, checked on Jo (sound asleep in her bed), and quietly pushed the door to their bedroom open, smiling a little at the sight that greeted him. Bones was laying on the bed, propped up at an angle that suggested he'd dozed off while watching television, which was still on. An arm over his head, his shirt rode up a little, exposing a strip of flesh at his belly. He was still dressed in his jeans…obviously waiting for Jim to get home.

His heart melted a little at that, and he immediately felt bad for doing exactly what Bones had called him out for earlier…running away. He shouldn't have. If he'd learned anything over these last months…almost a year now…it was that no matter what the problem was, the answer was something that they could find together. They  _were_ the solution.

Jim quietly undressed, stripping down to his underwear, and then eased onto the bed. Leonard shifted, inhaling deeply and stretching as he felt the warm, familiar weight above him. He opened his eyes and smiled a little at the sight that greeted him. Jim leaned down and kissed him, as he pulled on the hem of Leonard's shirt, pushing it up his body. Leonard sat up slightly, making room so Jim could pull the shirt over his head. Hands at the waistband reminded him to lift his hips so that his jeans could be eased down. He watched as Jim moved back to tug them off his legs, dropping them on floor.

Since they were laying on the comforter, Jim snagged the throw blanket at the foot of the bed and pulled it up over them, settling himself against Bones, in his arms, and sighing contentedly as he turned toward him, holding him tenderly. They kissed softly, forgiveness in each gentle meeting of their lips.

"'M glad you're home," Bones said, voice still a little rough with sleep.

"Me too," Jim said quietly. He closed his eyes, the feel of Bones' fingers trailing absent-minded patterns onto his skin soothing. They lay together in silence, the only sound in the room the low volume of the television that they both felt too lazy to do anything about.

Jim swallowed a couple of times, trying to make himself broach the subject that he instinctively wanted to back away from. Finally, though, Bones did it for him.

"Jim, I know it's hard..."

"No, Bones," Jim interrupted. "You don't know. You can't know. It's not "hard"...it's, it's terrifying. It's overwhelming. It's suffocating. It's being pinned in place when you're shaking because every cell of your body is screaming at you to get the fuck out of there. It's being exposed and helpless and so scared, and knowing you're completely alone with those feelings as someone just does whatever they want to you. It's terrifying. And I  _hate_ being forced to deal with it. And when it's necessary…that's one thing. But this…I just don't think this is necessary."

Leonard remained quiet, listening to Jim as he did his best to articulate why something that he thought of as just an overreaction was anything but that to him.

And he realized that he'd been insensitive to Jim.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. Jim's grip on him tightened.

"Not your fault," he said immediately. "I don't like to talk about it."

But it couldn't stay like this. Both men knew that. Leonard knew Jim didn't think this check-up was necessary, and maybe it wasn't. More than likely, everything was fine. But they still did need to check. And Jim knew that Bones wasn't going to just drop it. He wouldn't be Bones if he did.

"What about an ultrasound?" Bones asked, after a couple of moments of silence. "Remember Gaila, the red-head? What is she did an ultrasound instead. And if everything looks okay, we'll follow up with a blood test to confirm. But…if anything looks off, Jim, we'll  _have_ to do the MRI."

"That…would be better," Jim said. The ultrasound wasn't nearly as difficult for him to get through. And while blood tests would never be fun, they were tolerable. Much more than an MRI or a CT scan.

"But Jim…you need to keep seeing Chris about this. Okay?" Leonard said, squeezing him and dropping a kiss to the crown of his head, the only part of Jim he could easily reach in this position. "We'll go together if you want, but it needs to be more regular than it has been."

Jim nodded, understanding Bones' concern. They were both in good health now, thank God, and hopefully that would continue. But as they both got older, Leonard wanted them to be able to take care of themselves. And the way Jim was now…he could barely make himself go for a check-up.

"You don't have to come," Jim said. "You're so busy with Jo and the hospital and your classes…"

"Jim," Leonard said, cutting him off. "If you want me there, I'm there. I will always make time for you."

He knew that. Bones said it often. But to hear it like that…it never ceased to amaze him. "Okay." Jim said. He raised his head, looking up at Bones and meeting his eyes. "We'll go together. And I'll get better at all of this."

"Jim, you're perfect. I just want you to be able to take care of your health. I want you around for as long as I can have you."

Jim swallowed and nodded, as always touched by how fervently and easily Bones expressed what he felt for him. They lay together, warm under the throw blanket, legs entwined, the feel and scent of their bare skin so comfortable and comforting.

"Hey, so…we're going to be in Seattle over our one year anniversary," Jim said, wanting to change the subject and lighten the mood a little.

Leonard smiled. "Yes we are. That was the plan."

"I can't wait," Jim said, and he meant more than just the trip…he was looking forward to everything that was laid out for them in their future. And Leonard understood.

"Me either, Darlin'."


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard go to Seattle for their anniversary.

"I'm going to need a good raincoat, Bones. I have one, but it's old, and more like a windbreaker than a raincoat. How about you?" Jim asked, as they strolled through the mall. Joanna walked between them, holding their hands and swinging them happily.

"Yeah, that's actually a good idea. Do you think there's a store here that'll carry clothes like that?"

"Oh, I'm sure we'll find something. Let's look for a store directory."

"Why do you need a raincoat?" Joanna piped up. "Can we go to the pet store first? I wanna hold a baby iguana."

Jim smiled down at her, reaching to pass a hand over the big wet spot in the middle of her purple shirt. "You dry yet?" he asked. There'd been an accident with an ice cream cone, and the subsequent minutes in the bathroom trying to save the shirt had resulted in a soggy shirt, with otherwise questionable results.

Joanna shrugged, looking down at herself. "Almost. It's okay, Uncle Jim. Daddy will get the stain out. Right Daddy?"

"I'll try Baby."

Joanna nodded, satisfied. Her Daddy always could get the stains out.

Jim chuckled and Leonard rolled his eyes. "One of your many talents, Bones," he said fondly.

"So why do you need a raincoat?" Joanna asked again.

"Because when Jim and I go to Seattle for our trip, it's probably going to be raining some and be chilly, and we don't want to let a little rain keep us inside," Leonard explained.

"That makes sense," Joanna said, nodding. "But can we  _please_ go to the pet store first?"

"We're heading there now, Jo," Leonard said, giving her hand a squeeze. Joanna enjoyed going to the mall, and she was usually pretty good about it, happy enough to go from place to place without getting cranky. So after a couple of stops – one to get Nyota a birthday present and one to get Joanna a new pair of sneakers – a break for lunch, and quick haircuts for all three of them, it was her turn to do something fun.

The mall had a – not really a pet store. It was more of a reptile/amphibian store. Lizards, turtles, frogs, and snakes, both common and exotic-looking, lived in glass terrariums throughout the space. It was Jo's favorite place to visit, and she could spend a surprising amount of time peering into the various habitats and asking her father or Jim to read the information cards to her, if she couldn't sound out some of the more difficult terminology herself. It was her favorite place to visit, in large part because the owner of the store believed in hands-on experiences, and Joanna loved that.

As a teacher, Jim totally appreciated the opportunity to introduce kids to new things, and let them have the chance to connect to it by making it personal to them, by letting them interact.

As someone who really, really didn't like snakes, Jim kinda wished it was a less-inclusive store.

As usual, the store was pretty busy. It attracted a lot of people just looking, and there were those who were really into caring for the reptilian members of their family. Leonard couldn't imagine having an iguana or a snake as a pet on par with their cat Jack, or even with the hamster, but some people apparently really loved their reptiles.

Leonard and Jim followed Joanna as she started on the left-hand side of the store, peering curiously into each of the tanks one at a time. Some she lingered at, reading the information cards. Some she only spent a few seconds with before moving on. When she got to the section that housed the snakes, she paused and turned to look up at them.

"Can I see the snakes?" she asked.

"Sure, Darlin'," Leonard replied. "You can go see them."

"But…what about Uncle Jim? Are you going to stay here, or will you see the snakes, too?"

Jim blinked, still easily surprised that she cared enough about him to be worried about something she knew he didn't like. And, she actually did have a point. Jim shifted uneasily, the thought of being surrounded by snakes, even when in their secure habitats, enough to make his skin crawl.

"I think I'll just stay up here," he said. "You and your dad can go look at all the snakes."

Joanna looked up at him for a moment, then held up her little hand to him. "Will you come with me if I hold your hand?"

Touched, Jim swallowed and looked over at Leonard with a small smile before settling his hand in hers. "Well how can I say no to that?" he asked, and Leonard just shrugged.

"No way I could," he murmured.

"Okay," Jim said. "You hold my hand, and I'll come with you to see those snakes."

Following behind them, Leonard placed a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder. Jim glanced behind himself, giving Leonard another smile as Joanna led them down an aisle and he made a conscious effort to stay in the middle. It helped that all the snakes were in secured terrariums, though not as much as it probably should've. Leonard let his hand slip down Jim's arm to unobtrusively catch his fingers as they headed down the aisle, following Joanna's lead and stopping to look carefully into their little worlds when she saw something that caught her attention.

Leonard loved the relationship that had developed, and was still forming, between Jim and his daughter. It seemed so natural and easy, and it was as if they were supposed to have each other as certainly as he and Jim were supposed to be together. Joanna didn't have the benefit of a mother in her life, but she wasn't going to lack people who cared for and loved her. And, though not a conventional family unit, it lightened his hear to know that his daughter was going to grow up with two parental figures in her life. And neither he nor Joanna were ever going to be disconnected from family…even when they were across the country from everyone else he knew. There was such comfort in that, such reassurance, to know that Joanna had someone else. And Leonard was pretty sure Jim knew exactly how much he meant to him, but he wondered if Jim knew how much Leonard appreciated his role in Joanna's life. While Joanna led him down the aisle with the snakes, Jim's hand held in her little grip, Leonard made a promise to himself to make sure Jim knew exactly how important he was to both of them.

They spent a little more time in the store, making sure that Joanna got a chance to hold a baby iguana.

"They're so cute! You should get one for your classroom, Uncle Jim!" she said enthusiastically. She was holding one carefully in her right hand, its little clawed toes grasping her thumb as she gently rubbed the green head between its large eyes. Jim held one too, and Leonard noticed that he seemed to be seriously considering it.

"You're not going to be there much longer, Jim," Leonard quietly reminded him, amused.

"Right. Well, maybe someday we'll get one, Jo, but not today," Jim replied.

They left a little while later, detoured to the restroom to wash their hands, and then found a store that specialized in men's outdoorwear. Joanna helped them choose jackets, and while there they each picked up a couple of sweaters, some heavy button down shirts ("You'll look hot in flannel, Bones!") and a few other pieces of clothing to supplement what they already had.

"Are we done?" Joanna asked. "Did you get everything you needed?"

"Yup, we're all set, sweetie," Jim said. "And just in time too…ready to go get some dinner?"

"Yeah! Chik-Fil-A?" Joanna asked hopefully.

Leonard smiled down at her, passing a hand over her dark hair. "Sure, Baby. Or…we could go somewhere else and you can get something for dessert after dinner."

"Daddy! How come I can't dessert if we go to Chik-Fil-A?" Jo asked, turning around to walk backwards in front of them.

"Because the food at Chik-Fil-A is not the most healthy food. So…we can eat there, if you want, or…we can eat somewhere else, where there's healthier choices, and you can get dessert. Which would you prefer?" Leonard asked, as he exchanged a glance with Jim. Joanna huffed a sigh and turned back around, thinking. This had been his thing over the last few weeks…making her make a choice that was a compromise, with the idea of helping her make better decisions – or the decisions that he wanted her to choose. It seemed to be working, for the most part, to Leonard's mild surprise. He knew Jim thought he was a being a little ridiculous, but he deferred to Leonard's parenting style and played along.

"Okay, Daddy, Chik-Fil-A and no dessert," Joanna decided after a couple of moments, and Jim chuckled softly. Leonard rolled his eyes, but as he couldn't really go back on his own compromise, agreed. He waved Jim off. So the guided decision-making didn't always work. It was worth a shot.  _Besides_ , he figured,  _today's a good day to do what she wants anyway._

Tomorrow, he and Jim were getting on a plane for the trip to Seattle, and Joanna was going to stay with the Kirks for the duration of their trip. This was the first time Leonard was separating from her for as long as they were going to be away, and he'd talked to her about it quite a bit, wanting to make sure that she would be completely okay while he was gone. Though, after a while, Jim suspected that Leonard might actually be trying to reassure himself more than Jo. Either way, it was a big step for them both, and Jim knew exactly what it meant to Bones, and it made him appreciate what Bones was doing for him even more. Joanna, for her part, seemed pretty excited about the coming week. Minnie and Jack were going to be temporarily moving into the Kirk household as well, and Aurelan had a week of activities planned for them.

Everyone was looking forward to this holiday, and this day was a terrific start.

 

* * *

 

The next morning had gone very smoothly, with Joanna being dropped off at the Kirk household after breakfast, along with the cat Jack and the hamster Minnie. Leonard and Joanna settled Jack in the den that was going to be his home while Joanna was there. It was a catch-all room, and nothing in it was of any real concern to either Aurelan or Sam. Jack seemed to take to it immediately, happily exploring his new surroundings until he found a patch of sunshine on the carpet, upon which he promptly plopped himself down for a snooze.

Satisfied that Jack was going to take this disruption to his normal schedule with that patented cat lassitude, they left him to set up Minnie's cage in Janie's room on a small table that Aurelan had placed there for them. Once finished with that, Leonard and Jim spent a few minutes visiting, saying their goodbyes and giving Leonard a chance to reassure himself that Joanna really was going to be okay away from him for as long as they'd ever been separated.

"Okay, Baby," Leonard said, kneeling in front of Joanna. "I love you."

"Love you too, Daddy," Joanna said.

"You going to be good for Aurelan and Sam? Go to bed when they say, and play nicely with Janie?"

"Yup, I promise! Best behavior!"

"That's my girl. I'll call you every day, okay? Now give me a hug and kiss."

Aurelan, Sam, Jim, and Janie all stood back, allowing father and daughter the time to say goodbye. Sam and Aurelan glanced at each other, remembering with perfect clarity the mix of emotions they experienced the first time they left Kimmie behind for an extended period with Jim, and then later when they left the sisters together. They were both certain that Leonard was experiencing it quite keenly, but they also knew that Jo would be fine. Leonard and Joanna had become such a part of their family through Jim…when she was with them, it was like she always belonged.

After one more hug and kiss for her father and Jim, they separated and got in the car. Everyone stood there, waving them off as Jim drove down the driveway to the street. Leonard watched in the rearview as his daughter and Janie turned to run in the house, no tears, no problems. He felt something inside him loosen, and looked over at Jim when he put a hand on his knee, giving it a squeeze.

"You okay?" Jim asked, knowing very well what a huge step this was for him.

Leonard nodded, threading their fingers together. "Yeah, couldn't be better."

Jim drove them to the airport, talking excitedly with Bones about everything he wanted to see, everything he wanted to do. Leonard had anticipated that, and found them a hotel in an area outside of Seattle so they could have it all – the nature that Jim wanted to see and have the chance to photograph and explore, and still be able to get to the city and just be complete tourists, too. He was looking forward to surprising Jim with some of the things he'd planned for, and he listened to him talk without giving anything away.

At the airport, Jim followed the signs to long-term parking and found a spot not far from the shuttle stop. They collected their luggage and made their way to the main terminal, to get in line at the ticketing counter in order to check their luggage and secure seat assignments. Now, as they waited for their turn to make it through the security line, Jim had a moment to reflect on just how much Bones had given him – the love and support of a partner and family, a life he hadn't realized he was missing , and everything that came with it.

"Hey, Bones?"

Leonard looked over his shoulder at him, finding those striking blue eyes unerringly. "Yeah?"

"Thank you. For all of this," he said. "For everything. I've never – "

"Hey," Bones said. To Jim's surprise, he turned to lean in and give him a quick kiss, never minding the people around them – who mostly weren't paying them any attention anyway. "You deserve everything, Jim. Everything."

Taken aback by the vehemence in Bones' voice, Jim held his sincere gaze until the line moved forward again.

"Step through please, sir," the TSA agent motioned Leonard forward. He did as directed, stepping through the metal detector, in his socks, without setting of any alarms. He was waved all the way through, and he paused on the other side to pull his cleared carry-on off the luggage ramp, and collect his shoes, belt and wallet from the bin. He went to sit down on the courtesy chairs placed for passengers to put themselves back together after having to practically strip to make it through airport security, and watched as Jim stepped through, too.

Pulling off the socks he'd used to walk through the security checkpoint with, he balled them up, fully intending to throw them in the next trashbin he passed, and then wash his hands thoroughly.

"Sir, can you step aside please?" a TSA agent said. Leonard looked up quickly, watching as Jim was guided, in stockinged feet, to a separate area on the side. Sitting where he was, unobtrusive and out of the way, Leonard watched what was going on. An agent spoke with Jim, gesturing to his bag. Jim shrugged and nodded, looking wholly unconcerned. Obviously, something in the bag caught the attention of the security agent examining the bags as they went through the x-ray machine.

Wondering what it was that could have triggered a problem, Leonard pulled on a new pair of socks from his carry-on and then his shoes. Suddenly, Jim laughed, and Leonard looked up to see what was going on. A TSA agent was holding a bottle of lube that was too large to meet the requirements for being allowed in an unchecked bag. Leonard rolled his eyes, his lips quirking amusedly, until Jim looked around for him.

"Hey, Bones…look!" Jim said loudly enough for him to hear when his eyes landed on him. Leonard flushed and looked away, turning his attention back to putting on his belt, stashing his wallet away, and zipping up his bag.

"He's like a teenager," Leonard grumbled to himself, embarrassed that Jim had brought that attention to him. He didn't care about what people thought of he and Jim being together, but there were things he liked to keep  _private_. Jim, on the other hand, had no such compunctions.

Once the TSA agent put Jim's carry-on through the x-ray again, and it passed without any issue, Jim joined him, his own bag, shoes, and odds and ends in hand.

"Why didn't you put that in your checked bag?" Leonard asked, still red-faced. "And take off those socks. Do you have any idea how much bacteria is in the rug, people walking barefoot through the security check? I have a clean pair for you here."

"Thanks, Bones," Jim said, pulling off the socks he was wearing to replace them with the clean pair Leonard handed him. "I wasn't thinking. Just stuffed it in my bag. They threw it away, though. We're gonna have to buy some when we get there." He stood and shouldered his duffle bag, throwing Leonard a cheeky grin. Leonard rolled his eyes at him, and shook his head.

"So ridiculous," Leonard said.

"Aw, but you love me anyway," Jim said. "C'mon…we have a plane to catch."

"Yeah, I do," Leonard said, sounding resigned to it and making Jim laugh. "Bathroom first, though. We need to wash our hands."

They had some time before their flight, so they settled at one of the restaurants to just relax and pass the time.

"Do you want to get some lunch?" Jim asked, perusing the menu.

Leonard was looking over his own menu, and shrugged. "It may not be such a good idea for me to eat before getting on a plane," he said. "I may throw up on you."

Jim gave him a sympathetic look and put the menu down. If Bones wasn't going to eat, Jim certainly wasn't going to. "At least it's a short flight," he said. Leonard nodded. That was true. The Air Alaska flight was just under two hours from San Francisco to Seattle. They were leaving fairly early, and would arrive in plenty of time to enjoy the afternoon. Once they got there the plan was to get the rental car, and spend some time exploring the city before going to the hotel. Jim didn't know it yet, but Leonard had made special reservations for dinner.

They passed the time together in quiet conversation, and when it was time to board the plane, Leonard was feeling relaxed and unconcerned. This time was theirs, and he was going to make as much out of every moment as he could. They settled into their seats, and as the Air Alaska flight wasn't a full one, they ended up with a free seat in their row.

"You good?" Jim asked, taking Bones' hand and giving him a squeeze as the plane taxied down the runway.

"Yup," Leonard said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He was still feeling calmer than usual on a flight, but take offs and landings were always especially stressful. Jim studied Leonard's profile, his dark lashes, his perfect mouth. Leonard gripped Jim's hand tightly as the plane shuddered through some minor turbulence on the way to its cruising altitude. Jim just held on, and thinking about all the times Leonard had been the calming influence for him when dealing with things he had a hard time with, Jim just talked quietly to him until the plane leveled off and they were flying smoothly.

During the flight, in response to Jim's questions about where they would be staying, Leonard pulled out information about the hotel he'd found, the Salish Lodge.

"Oh, my god, Bones," Jim said as he looked at the printouts and the information packet that was sent to Leonard at his request. "This place is amazing…it's beautiful! Is it actually on a waterfall?"

"Yes, Snoqualmie Falls" Leonard said, pleased that Jim was so enthused. "And surrounded by nature trails through that area of the Cascades."

"Oh, wow," Jim murmured as he read the description of the hotel and the rooms. He looked up at Leonard, his blue eyes twinkling. "It says there's an oversized tub in each room." His smile turned suggestive. "I bet it's big enough for two."

To Jim's surprised delight, Leonard gave him a wink. "It better be."

 

* * *

 

Once back on the ground, they collected their luggage and headed to get the car. Leonard took the opportunity to call the Kirk residence to let them know they landed, and just check in, while Jim dealt with securing the car. Leonard wandered outside as he talked with Sam, hoping for better reception. It was damp, and it wasn't expected to get much warmer than the 58 it was now, but they wouldn't be uncomfortable. Having checked ahead of time, Leonard and Jim were prepared for the weather and dressed warmly, and in layers, their newly-acquired raincoats draped over the backseats in case they were needed as the afternoon melted into evening.

With a vague idea of where he was heading, and with Jim providing direction, Leonard drove into the city taking in the sights as they went. He drove in the direction of the Space Needle and they decided to spend some time on foot, so they found a convenient parking garage. Sitting in the car, they took a moment to study some of the tourist maps they picked up at the airport.

"Wanna walk around Pike Place Market?" Jim asked. "It looks like they have everything there!"

"Sure," Leonard said. "That sounds great. Make sure you bring your jacket. Oh, and bring your camera. Just in case."

Leaving the car, they headed down the street the short distance to the north end of the Market. It was a bustling, busy, bright market with everything from antique stores to arts and crafts to a fresh market. People walked hand-in-hand, walked their dogs, sat at the outdoor tables outside the little cafes and restaurants, enjoying the relatively clear day.

Leonard and Jim walked close enough to brush shoulders, their fingers linking together at their side, both just enjoying that simple physical connection. Although never particularly concerned with carefully monitoring their behavior when out together, they felt even more free to take such liberties now, without Joanna to consider and in a city that seemed to be fairly accepting. They'd seen more than a few same sex couples holding hands and more, and no one seemed to care at all.

As they strolled through the market, they explored whatever shop or stand caught their attention, but mostly they simply took in the sights and smells of a completely new place. The damp air was cool and the scents of the market – delicious cooking and sweet desserts and the perfume from the outdoor flower stalls – permeated the space, welcoming and enticing.

After a little while, Jim's stomach loudly reminded him that they hadn't eaten since early that morning.

"Let's find a restaurant for a late lunch," Jim suggested. "Maybe seafood?"

"How about a snack at one of the cafes, and dinner a little later?" Leonard countered, not wanting to give away the dinner surprise just yet.

Jim looked at him, concerned. "Is your stomach not settled yet? You're not feeling sick, are you?"

Leonard smiled at him comfortingly. "I'm fine. Just not ready for a full meal just yet."

"Okay, good," Jim said, relieved. He wanted Bones to be able to enjoy every second of this trip as much as he was, and feeling ill would put a real damper on that. "A snack is fine by me. As long as I eat something soon, or I may pass out."

Leonard gave him an amused smile. "Well, we can't have that, Darlin'. We just got here." He looked around at the couple of places that were within their immediate vicinity. "How about this place?" he suggested, indicating a Russian pastry and coffee shop called  _Piroshky Piroshky_.

"Perfect," Jim said. They mounted the steps to the door, holding it open as a few people exited. "Mmm…it smells great in here!"

They waited in line and placed an order for a sweet pastry with a cottage cheese and berry filling, with a generous drizzle of locally farmed honey and a couple of cups of coffee. Taking their order to a little table in the corner, they sat together, leaning close and sharing the snack. They talked and laughed quietly, enjoying the delicious pastry that would be more than enough to hold them over until dinner a little later. Jim speared a couple of berries and dragged them through the honey and vanilla flavored cottage cheese, popping the bite in his mouth, tongue chasing a bit of honey that dripped from his fork. Leonard watched him lick his lips, and then reached over to him, gently wiping the bit he missed away with his thumb. Jim smiled, his eyes bright and happy. As always, he was moved by the easy and simple ways Bones demonstrated how he felt about him, without any reservation. It made him feel loved, and secure in that love, each and every time.

They finished up and left the café a short while later, Leonard guiding them through the market, towards the south end. They stopped at a cart that sold sculptures made from the hardened ash rock of Mount St. Helens and chose a small sculpture of a cat for Joanna. A little further on, a band was playing swing music, and some very talented couples were dancing in a cleared area in front of the bandstand, surrounded by spectators. Leonard and Jim stood and watched for a little while, Jim allowing himself to lean his back comfortably against Leonard's chest. Leonard drew his hands up Jim's arms to rest on his shoulders, relishing his warmth. Jim turned to look at Leonard, quirking an eyebrow, when he felt a little shiver go through Bones.

"Cold?" he asked. It  _was_  getting chillier as the sun disappeared completely behind the clouds.

"A little," Leonard said.

"Southerner," Jim teased fondly. He stood straight and led Bones out of the crowd of people. "Good thing we brought our jackets. Put yours on."

"Aren't you going to wear yours?" he asked.

"Not yet. For now the sweater is good enough for me."

They headed on, poking through only a small fraction of what the market had to offer as the afternoon faded. Although the sun was far from setting, the day was so cloudy that decorative and more utilitarian lights came on, giving the street a festive feel. Leonard had continuously guided them toward the south end of the market, that entrance only a mile from the Space Needle.

"I feel like I'm being led somewhere specific," Jim said, turning to him with a smile. "Something up, Bones?"

Leonard smiled and gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I may have a surprise or two." He looked around, taking in how much light was actually left. The Space Needle was only a mile from where they were, but he wanted to get there while it was still light enough to see the view from the top. "Let's get a cab," he said.

"Okay," Jim said, bouncing on his heels excitedly, and happy to play along. Leonard smiled at him, recognizing and appreciating how easily trusting Jim was, and how much he was enjoying this. That made it worth it, all on its own. Of course, he knew the gig would be up as soon as he gave the cab driver their destination. There was a line of cabs on the road, either dropping off or trying to pick up customers, and there was no delay in securing one for themselves.

"The Space Needle please," Leonard said, as he slid across the back seat after Jim. Jim looked over at him in surprise.

"I didn't think we'd be doing that today…or, well, ever," Jim said, referring to Leonard's uneasiness with heights.

"We can't be in Seattle and not go to the Space Needle," Leonard said. "And I wanted to make sure we got there while there was still daylight left…and then we reservations for dinner at the restaurant."

"Oh, how cool is that going to be!" Jim exclaimed. "That restaurant rotates, right? That is going to be one awesome view." Jim pulled out one of the brochures from his camera bag he'd had slung over his shoulder to read about their destination. "The Observation Deck is at 520 feet, Bones! And the elevators travel at 10 miles per hour, and the building is designed to sway— "

"Are you trying to change my mind, Jim?" Leonard asked dryly.

Jim chuckled and shook his head, putting his brochure away as the cab pulled up to the drop off point for the Space Needle. At the Guest Services window Jim bought their tickets, despite Bones' protest.

"Share, Bones," Jim said, his voice light, but firm. "This is  _our_  trip."

He backed down after that, realizing that Jim was making a point to him. He wanted to participate, in every way. That was something that Leonard realized he needed to work on. He, happily, took the financial responsibility for whatever they were doing often. He could back off every now and then.

They headed to the elevator, standing in line for a car. Each one took up to twenty passengers at a time, with about a three minute turnaround, so the line moved pretty quickly. Before long, Jim and Leonard were boarding with another group. Jim, of course, immediately went to the back so that he could watch the view as they ascended, and Leonard followed. Though, while Jim faced outward, watching the ground fall away as they moved upward at 10 mph, Leonard stood facing the elevator doors, concentrating on listening very hard to the information the perky elevator attendant was narrating as they rode. The speed of the ascension made his stomach feel as if he'd dropped it, and he swallowed hard, unsurprised when his ears popped. He'd lived at or below sea level most of his life – 520 feet up in about 45 seconds was bound to mess with him a little.

He opened his eyes when he felt Jim lean into his left side, one of his hands sliding over Leonard's white-knuckled grip on the railing.  _Not that holding the railing will help if the cable snaps and we all plummet over 500 feet to our deaths_ , he thought.

"Did you know," Jim said quietly, "that even though one cable is strong enough to hold the elevator car, there are  _seven_  cables attached to each one?"

"No," Leonard murmured, surprised at how on point Jim was with that statement. "I didn't." He hesitated. "But that's good to know."

The elevator came to a halt a few seconds later, and the attendant opened the doors.

"Welcome to the Observation Deck of the Space Needle," she said. "Enjoy your stay!"

The last two off the elevator, Jim gave the attendant a friendly smile that had her pink in the face as they passed. Leonard just chuckled and Jim turned to give him a little smirk.

"Don't worry, Bones. I'm all yours," he teased.

"Didn't even cross my mind, Darlin'," Leonard replied.

"Bones…. _wow_ ," Jim said softly a moment later, his voice full of wonder. Leonard looked up from zipping his jacket – it was windy up there – and couldn't help but smile at the expression on Jim's face as he turned in a slow circle. There, in the middle of the Space Needle's observation level, Jim got his first view of the city and beyond, and he was stuck by the beauty of everything his eye could reach. Leonard smiled, giving him a second to process everything, then gently tugged his jacket out of his hands.

"Jim, put this on. It's windy up here, and much colder," Leonard said. Jim pulled the jacket on, zipping it up enough that it wouldn't flap open in the wind. "C'mon, Darlin'. Let's go get a good look at everything."

They spent the next half an hour peering through scopes, taking pictures, and reading information placed at various points of interest as they worked their way around the Observation Deck. They'd started facing northeast, the waters of Lake Washington and Lake Union looking cold and choppy. Although not yet truly evening, the sky was heavily shrouded in clouds that blocked any light from the setting sun that would normally reflect off the water. As they walked clockwise and looked east, the Cascade Mountain Range came into view, with only the shadowy shapes of the mountains visible beyond the city in the distance. Looking South, Jim pointed out Safeco Field and Qwest Field, and Mount Ranier. A woman offered to take a picture of them together, and it was an excellent shot, with Mount Ranier and the downtown skyline visible. To the west over Puget Sound, the clouds were a little thinner and the bright orange of the setting sun, balancing on the edge of the Olympic Mountain Range pierced through, and sent light skipping across the water.

They stood together, Bones' arm comfortably around Jim's shoulders, his arm around Bones' waist, watching as the sun slipped behind the mountain range, disappearing beneath the horizon. Jim brought his camera up, getting one last shot as just a sliver of the sun was visible before it was gone entirely. They stood there as the sky darkened until Leonard stirred beside Jim, hunching his shoulders in a little against the cold.

"This was amazing, Bones," Jim said sincerely. "Thank you. Now, let's get you inside before you freeze."

"It was beautiful – and you got some great shots," Leonard said. He straightened, letting go of Jim and giving him a smile. "Almost time for our reservation anyway." He led them to the elevator that indicated it would stop on the dining level, a mere twenty feet below where they stood now.

Within just a few minutes, and after a quick stop to the restroom, they were shown to a table. Lighting in the restaurant was kept low, creating an intimate atmosphere and making it possible to see out of the window. The restaurant slowly rotated, giving them a night view of the lights of Seattle and beyond, into the darkness of the surrounding lakes and mountains. Jim and Leonard sat across the table from each other, watching as the view gradually changed.

A server came to their table and they chatted for a while about what she recommended, about the specials for that evening, and took their drink orders. When she returned with glasses of wine, they placed their orders, each getting very different dishes as appetizers and entrées so they could share and taste a variety of things on the amazing menu. The server left them with a smile.

"I'll have those appetizers out for you shortly," she said. "If you need anything else, again my name's Leslie."

Alone again, Jim refocused his attention on Leonard, a small smile gracing his lips as he reached across the table to take his hand. "So," Jim said. "Happy anniversary Bones."

Leonard's gaze was warm, his smile reaching his eyes as he glanced down at their wrists, the matching silver bracelets catching the light from the votive candles in the table centerpiece. "Happy anniversary Jim."

"I can hardly believe it's been a whole year. It's weird, you know? I feel like you've been a part of my life forever, but also like we were sitting at a table together for the first time just yesterday."

Leonard nodded, understanding what Jim meant. The year had passed amazingly fast, and they'd both been through so much and dealt with huge personal and professional changes, both individually and as a couple…and as a family…that it was hard to believe it'd only been a mere twelve months.

"I remember that first date so clearly," Leonard said. "I was so nervous. I came this close," he demonstrated, bringing his thumb and forefinger within an inch of each other, "to not getting out of the car and just driving away. I had to give myself a pep talk in the parking lot."

Jim chuckled. He remembered, vividly, how nervous Leonard had been. "I do remember," he said. "I'm so glad you decided to come in to the restaurant anyway." He paused. "I was freaking out a little too."

"You? You looked so calm, and confident – and god, I thought you were incredibly handsome. I couldn't figure out what the hell you saw in me," Leonard admitted.

"I may have seemed that way, Bones, but trust me – I wasn't. I felt like I had one chance with you. And…I just really didn't want to mess it up. And I'm so grateful you gave me a chance. This year has been…" he paused, shaking his head. There were so many ways to fill that sentence in, each just as important as the next, each as part of their story as the next.

"I know," Leonard said, filling in his silence. "I feel the same way. Exhilarating to terrifying and everything in between. And through all of it, all of the ups and downs, the only thing I was ever sure of, Jim, was you." He smiled, his eyes crinkling as a flush that had slowly crept up on him as he talked slipped away. "And now I can't imagine what life would be like without being able to share it with you."

Jim smiled and leaned forward, reaching to give him a sweet, gentle kiss. "You mean so much to me, Bones. I had no idea what I was missing until you filled my life with everything you are. You and Joanna have opened my eyes to what life can be, if you let it."

They kissed again, then sat back in their chairs, a small smile still on Jim's face as he held Leonard's eyes.

"Plus," he said. "The sex is awesome."

Leonard let out a surprised laugh and flushed again. "You're such a juvenile!" he exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "And yes, I love you anyway."

 

* * *

 

The Salish Lodge was a beautiful, stately building with an old-world, but luxurious, feel. It was built on a cliff at the Snoqualmie Falls and the sound of water rushing over the falls could be heard throughout the grounds. Surrounded by the forest of the Cascades, the air was redolent with the commingled scent of loamy, fresh earth and greenery, as well as the slightly sharp, vaguely ozone smell of fresh water in the air. And though the air was damp, it was also crisp.

The sun had been down for a few hours by the time they got to the hotel, and it was considerably colder out here, away from the city. Full of a delicious dinner and satisfyingly tired from a day of travel and exploration, the idea of settling into their room – with a warm fire and making use of that oversized tub – was incredibly appealing.

It was only a matter of minutes to check in – Leonard had arranged everything ahead of time because he knew they weren't going to be arriving at the hotel until fairly late. Once they had their room number, Jim texted that information to Sam. He responded back that everything was going fine, Joanna and Janie were already in bed and nearly asleep, and that they should have a good time and not worry about a thing. Jim relayed the message to Leonard as they headed to their room, following a bellhop who wheeled their luggage.

Jim slid the cardkey through the reader at the door and held it open for Leonard and the bellhop.

"Would you like a fire?" the young man asked.

"Yes, please," Leonard said. It was a little chilly in the room, but he loved the idea of warming it up with the fireplace instead of the heater. Jim smiled at him as he placed his bag on the bed, opening it to rummage around for something to sleep in. He'd unpack tomorrow, but for now he was happy to just take out what he needed and shove his bag to a corner of the beautifully appointed room. The king-sized bed looked so incredibly inviting, and all Jim wanted to do right now was find out if that bathtub did hold two, then get into bed with Bones… _and maybe do one or two other things, too,_  he thought with a smirk. They'd stopped at a Rite Aid to pick up a few odds and ends, and he pulled out one particular purchase, leaving it on a bedside table for later use. Having found everything he wanted in his luggage, he threw Leonard a smoldering look and sauntered into the bathroom to start the water to fill the tub.

Leonard watched Jim as the young hotel employee started the fire. He smiled to himself when he heard the water being started, and he knew exactly what was on Jim's mind. A few moments later, after he tipped the bellhop, hung a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, and went to join Jim in the bathroom.

"Hey," he said softly. "Starting without me?"

Jim looked up and smiled at him. "Never," he replied, moving to stand in Bones' personal space. "But now that you're here, what're you waiting for?"

"Just this," he said, winding his arms around Jim's body, smoothing his hands across and down his strong back. Jim held him tightly, closing his eyes as their lips met, opening to each other and moaning at the feel of Bones' tongue gently touching his. It was a long, deep kiss, meant to be as loving as it was arousing. They parted after a couple of moments and began pulling off their clothes. They simply dropped what they were wearing, and Leonard nudged the items out of the way so they wouldn't trip on them later. Jim turned off the lights over the mirror, leaving only the light in the bathroom entryway on so they could relax and enjoy the soothing heat of the water.

He stepped into the hot water, soapy from the hotel's body wash that he'd added as the tub filled, hissing as he adjusted to the temperature, and then letting out a long sigh of comfort. Longer, deeper and wider than most tubs, Jim was able to completely submerge his body without having to bend his knees, as long as he kept his shoulders propped up at the other end, resting against the side. A small pillow as provided just for that purpose and when Leonard slipped it behind his neck, he found he was extremely comfortable.

"Come in, Bones. There's plenty of room."

"How…?"

"Just, sit in front, and lean against me. Take off your underwear first," he said with a smile, reaching a wet hand up to tug at the garment.

"Hey. Okay, I'm coming."

Jim watched as he pulled them down and kicked them off to the side where their other clothes were. He ogled Leonard shamelessly, pleased that his attention wasn't met with anything more than a slight flush that could as easily have been arousal as shyness.

A year made a hell of a difference.

Leonard stepped carefully into the tub, lowering himself as Jim spread his legs and brought his knees up slightly, making room for him to be able to sit comfortably. Leonard held himself a little stiffly, stomach muscles working as he leaned back, feeling like he shouldn't rest all of his weight on the body behind him. But Jim was having none of that.

"Rest on me, Bones," Jim murmured into his ear. He kissed the side of his neck, making Leonard sigh and close his eyes as he tipped his head to the side. He exerted gentle pressure on Bones' shoulders, urging him down, to relax. After a moment, Leonard did as Jim wanted, letting himself go lax against him. Jim wrapped an arm around his midsection, his hand splaying over Leonard's stomach. Feeling so content and relaxed and warm, Leonard allowed his head to tip back against Jim's shoulder as they lay there, the light sandlewood scent of the body wash perfuming the water and air around them.

Jim kissed him and Leonard turned his head to reach Jim's mouth. Eyes closed, tongues tenderly touching and twining together, Leonard brought one hand up to cup Jim's head, holding him as they kissed. Jim languidly stroked the soft skin of Bones' belly, fingers dipping lower and lower, setting off little sparks of ticklishness that were almost immediately soothed away. Leonard grasped Jim's other hand, bringing his arm to his chest, and holding Jim there so that he was embraced from behind. He sighed happily, the feel of being held like that so perfect. Idly, he trailed his fingers through Jim's hair and gently squeezed the back of his neck, massaging with strong fingers all of those spots that tended to collect tension, until Jim let his head rest back against the little pillow, completely at ease.

After a few minutes, Jim shifted slightly, moving so that his feet were against the inside of Bones' legs at the knee, and the hand on his belly slid lower still. Jim smiled, releasing Bones from a kiss as his body jerked slightly when his fingers ghosted over his cock. They caught their breath together, Bones panting a little at the feel of Jim letting his fingers trail up and down over his hardening length, the soapy water making him feel especially sensitive.

For a while, there was no sound besides the gentle slap of water against the tub and Bones' quickened breath as Jim practiced a surprising amount of patience and restraint, doing nothing but that same soft touch, from base to tip to base, over and over again. Leonard lay back, his eyes closed, his brow slightly furrowed, as Jim held him and kissed his neck and the side of his mouth from behind. Leonard licked his lips, turned his head and opened his eyes to startling blue mere inches from him. Jim saw so much in the depths of Bones' hazel eyes, darkened by lust and a growing need. Jim leaned forward, pressing their lips together again. Bones squeezed Jim's other hand where it lay against his chest, holding on tightly as a shiver of arousal went through his body. Bones turned his head, biting his lip as he wrapped his other hand around the lip of the tub, pressing his fingers hard against the porcelain.

Feeling the tension collecting in Bones' body, Jim smiled slightly, kissed his neck again and kept his motions slow and steady, not giving him either a break or the false relief of a firmer touch. Jim could hear it in his shaky breath and feel it everywhere their bodies were touching as the shivers coursed through Bones. He felt an echo of that unrelieved arousal in himself as he hardened and was teased by every millimeter of movement, trapped between his own body and Bones' lower back as he was. But he didn't alter what he was doing. He kept his touch maddeningly light and slow…just the barest of touches over and over again, skin becoming more and more sensitive with each pass of his fingertips.

"You're so beautiful like this, Bones," Jim whispered, his breath tickling over his ear and shoulder, adding to the sensations that made his heart race and his mouth dry as he panted. He swallowed, trying to work some moisture back into his throat. His head still back on Jim's shoulder he turned to look at him again, and Jim nearly groaned with what he saw. Bones wore such an open expression of want and need, his pupils dilated widely with lust, a flush of arousal darkening his skin – he looked as if he were holding himself together with only the barest of threads. "You have no idea how amazing you look right now."

"Jim – oh, god…" he let out a long, shaky breath, his hips and legs twitching as he struggled to stay still. Though, as he did move slightly, unable to stand the gentle touch another second, he realized that Jim was hard, too. He heard Jim inhale sharply as he moved, the pressure of his back against Jim's erection setting off sparks that had him jerking slightly. So, Bones gave in to the urge to move, and rocked his body slightly, following the long, slow glide of Jim's fingers on him with the movement of his pelvis. Each movement Bones made resulted in a sharper inhalation as he teased Jim as effectively as Jim was teasing him, until Jim was moving too, trying to get more friction even as he denied Bones anything like that, his touches still to gentle to do anything to ease the growing ache.

Bones freed his hand from Jim's grasp across his chest and reached down, digging his fingers into Jim's thigh as he held on, barely resisting the desire to take himself in hand do something to ease the pressure building within him. He gasped as he felt Jim, fingers slick with what he figured must be bath gel, insinuate a hand between their bodies, sliding his palm under Bones' ass. Using his buoyancy in the water, Leonard pressed his weight down on his hands, lifting himself slightly to give Jim more room. He could feel Jim's finger circling his entrance, and then push in slowly, and Leonard's hips shuddered and he moaned breathily. Caught between the gentle, unrelenting, torturous stimulation of his hard shaft and the careful in and out of Jim's finger, which, in this position, made him see sparks on each push in, Leonard just didn't know what to do with himself.

Jim licked his lips and placed sucking kisses down Bones' neck to the juncture of his shoulder. He eased another finger into Bones and he responded by pressing himself down onto his fingers, looking for more.

"Jim," he gasped. "I want you. Now."

"I don't want to hurt you, Bones, We should get out and finish in the bedroom. The lube is in there."

Leonard swallowed hard, and shook his head. The thought of stopping and standing and walking to another part of the room just impossible to him right now. "You won't hurt me," he said. He turned his head, catching Jim in a kiss, gently nibbling on his lip, soothing the sting with his tongue. "C'mon Darlin'…quit teasin' me."

Jim kissed him again, smiling a little at the way Bones' accent thickened, wondering if he knew exactly what that did to him and if he did it on purpose. There was no denying him when he talked like that. Jim let his fingers slip from Bones' ass and grasped himself instead, placing one hand on Bones' hip to help guide him.

"Shift back," he murmured. "Slowly."

Leonard did as Jim said, paying attention to the guidance he was given until he felt the head of Jim's penis nudging his opening. He eased himself down and back, and Jim groaned as he sunk into Leonard's body. Leonard squeezed his eyes closed and concentrated on breathing and staying relax, the fit tight and not as easy as it usually was. Jim's hands wandered over his body, squeezing his shoulders, skimming down the front of his chest, to his lower belly until he took Leonard's erection in hand again, giving him gentle hand over hand strokes, easing him through the penetration.

With that incredible feeling to focus on, Leonard moved back further and Jim trembled at the tight heat surrounding him. Leonard let out the breath he'd been holding, and managed to press all the way back, taking Jim inside him completely. Both men groaned and Leonard shivered at the feel of Jim's hot rushing breath hitting his shoulder and neck.

"Ooh, oh god, Bones. You good?" Jim ground out through clenched teeth. Leonard could feel the tension in Jim's body, could feel him shaking as he twitched with the urge to move. But he wouldn't, Leonard knew, until he was sure he was ready.

"Yeah, Jim, please. C'mon Darlin', c'mon," Leonard panted.

Jim whined in relief and started thrusting his hips up as much as he could. Leonard met his movements, pushing down with each thrust. The water sloshed in the tub, splashing over the sides as their movements got more frantic. Jim stroked Leonard, and he was caught between thrusting into that grip and pushing back against him. Leonard let his head fall back on Jim's shoulder, their eyes meeting as they continued to move together, tension coiling through and between them until they were both grunting with exertion.

Jim palmed the head of Leonard's cock, making him shudder and arch. Jim did it again, and to his surprise, Bones actually cried out. Although not as reticent as he used to be, Bones still tended to be restrained in bed. But tonight, he actually seemed to be letting go. That was so  _hot_  to Jim that he wanted to hear it again. Wrapping his legs around Bones and holding him tightly in place, he stroked him firmly, causing his body to jerk as he cried out again.

"Come for me, Bones," Jim urged between gasps. "Wanna hear you…feel you. Come on!"

Leonard jerked again, squeezing Jim's legs hard enough to leave finger-shaped bruises, and let out a strangled sob as he tried to arch again, his orgasm roaring through him with enough force to white out his vision for a moment. Jim's stroking faltered as the feel of Bones' muscles contracting and fluttering around him triggered his own release, and he came hard, spurting again and again, his body shaking uncontrollably as he clamped down on a shout that stuttered out of him. Shivering, chests heaving, and limp with relief, Jim and Leonard lay limply against each other as their bodies relaxed and their breathing slowed. Jim raised an arm that felt like it weigh a hundred pounds and drew his fingers through Bones' hair. He rolled his head on Jim's shoulder and they kissed – gentle and passionate.

Now that Leonard was more aware of what was happening outside of his body rather than in it, he realized that the water had cooled, and what was so comfortable before really wasn't any longer. He shifted slightly, and felt that Jim had softened inside of him. He very carefully pulled off of him, murmuring an apology when Jim hissed in discomfort. He turned, and Jim gave him silly grin.

"That was amazing," Jim said.

"You're amazing," Leonard replied. "And now all I want to do is get into bed with you."

"Round two?" Jim asked, sitting up and quirking an eyebrow. Leonard rolled his eyes, but shrugged.

"Maybe later."

The stepped out of the tub carefully, aware of the water on the floor. Jim pulled the plug in the tub as Leonard ran the water in the shower. He was covered in gooseflesh, cold and wet, and set the water to be hot enough to send steam through the bathroom. Jim joined him and they stepped under the spray for a quick wash.

"I don't think I've been so wrinkly since the day I was born," Jim remarked, examining his fingers as he dried himself off. Leonard took his hand and placed a kiss on it.

"You'll be back to normal in no time," he said. Leonard pulled the bathrobes out of the cabinet and handed one to Jim. They were made of the softest material, warm and comfortable. Leonard threw their used towels down on the floor to absorb the water. They headed into the main room, and though the fire was dying down, it was still toasty warm.

By silent agreement, they turned down the blankets of the bed, shed the robes and climbed in, moving together without any thought. Fatigued from the day and their earlier activities, the mattress and pillows cradled them as they held each other. Despite his comment earlier, Jim found that he was too tired and content to do anything but exchange gentle kisses and trail his fingers over Bones' back.

The light from the fire illuminating the large room was just enough to be able to see each other as they lay curled facing each other. Leonard put an arm over Jim, drawing him even closer.

"I love you so much," Jim said.

"Mmm, I love you too," Leonard replied, kissing him again.

Jim smiled, sighed and shifted slightly. "You wore me out, Bones. I feel like I could sleep all day tomorrow."

Leonard chuckled softly. "What happened to all that youthful energy you're supposed to have?"

"I think I ran out in the bathroom," Jim replied dryly. "Bones, this day was so perfect. We could go home tomorrow, and this would've been the best time I've ever had."

Leonard smiled slightly. "You don't know what else is planned, though," he said teasingly.

Jim's narrowed his eyes. "What do you have up your sleeve, Bones?"

"Oh…a couple of things."

"Like what? Tell me!"

"You're such a kid. All right….we're going camping for a night."

"Camping! I've never been camping."

"I have – I think you'll love it. We're in the Cascades – I thought it'd be a good chance for your photography. It's only for one night."

"Bones…that's – it's amazing. I can't…" Jim trailed off, words failing him. Leonard just smiled, and hugged him tightly.

"There's other things I looked into, but nothing that needed reservations, so I figured we could choose what we wanted…"

Laying together at the end of the day that marked their first year, both men were planning the future of their lives…and for each of them, the plan included the other.

For as far ahead as they could imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an additional one shot that takes place hours after the end of this chapter. It is entitled "06 - Anniversary"


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight months after the trip to Seattle.

Jim shifted his weight from foot to foot, craning his neck to see as far down the concourse as he could without crossing the all-important yellow line. Because while being held by the TSA for putting a toe into the forbidden zone  _might_ make for an amusing story another time, it definitely would not today.

"C'mon," he mumbled to himself as he bounced impatiently on his balls of his feet. They were going to be cutting it really close. Jim's phone buzzed in his hand and he tapped the screen to get to the message. It was from Bones.

_Have her?_

Jim tapped out a reply quickly.

_Board says landed. Waiting at concourse._

Jim slipped his phone into his pocket and crossed his arms over himself, trying to contain the sense of urgency roiling inside of him. It wouldn't be his or anyone else's fault if they were late, and he didn't think Jo would hold it against them, but tonight was a big deal for her, and he didn't want to miss it. And he  _knew_ Hannah would be beside herself if she flew across the country and missed the show by a half an hour because of inclement weather.

He was picking Hannah up while Bones was with Jo and his family, getting her ready. At first, he was a little hesitant about this, but their relationship had changed and developed a lot over the last few months and in the end he decided that any hesitancy on his part was just juvenile.

Jim wasn't sure if it was because Bones said something to her – though he maintained that he hadn't – but since before the beginning of this school year, Hannah had been emailing him. Just to talk. For no apparent reason. At first Jim'd been wary, but he eventually accepted that she was just reaching out, and he should reciprocate. And the result had been…surprisingly positive. Jim was grateful to have someone to talk to about some of his concerns and worries about starting his new position with the county. He appreciated Hannah's years of experience with her school system, and found her insightful.

Over the months, their communications branched to periodic phone calls, and covered a whole bunch of subjects, including rather personal ones. And, slowly, Jim felt like Hannah was bringing him into her family – especially when she called on the morning of his first day of his new position with the county as a Specialized Guidance Counselor.

_"I'm so proud of you Jim," she'd said. "You're going to touch a lot of young lives in your work, and they're going to be better because of you. That kind of responsibility can be overwhelming, but just take it a day at a time."_

That had meant so much to him, and it wasn't any mystery as to why. He relished the pride he heard in her voice and he recognized that Hannah was giving him something his own mother never did – validation.

And now, this was the first time he was seeing Hannah since last year's Thanksgiving when he met the McCoy family for the first time – and instead of the trepidation he'd felt previously, he was nothing but excited. He felt like…maybe…she was ready to accept his relationship with her son, and wanted him as a part of her family. And that was awesome.

Finally, he saw her hurrying toward the main area where Jim stood waiting. He raised his brows slightly at her display of fitness. Even with an obviously heavy duffle-bag draped over one shoulder, and a "purse" big enough to count as a carry-on on her other, Hannah was actually jogging towards him, making her way through the clumps of other arriving travelers with "pardon me's" and elbows.

"Hannah – it's good to see you," Jim said with a smile as she reached him. To his delight, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug that he was happy to return.

"It's good to see you, too, Jim dear. Thank you for coming to get me – I'm so sorry for the trouble!"

He took the larger bag from her, slinging it over his own shoulder. "Don't think anything of it," Jim said. "It's not like there's anything anyone could do about the weather anyway." Jim led her to the correct elevator banks as they talked.

"If I miss my grandbaby's first play because I didn't take a flight out a day earlier…" Hannah said, shaking her head at the situation.

"It's going to be a bit close, but we should be okay," Jim said, though he was still feeling that sense of urgency as well.

As before, Hannah carried on everything she'd brought with her, so there was no need to deal with luggage claim. Though, if she had checked a bag, Jim had no doubt she would've just left it at the airport in order to make it to McKinley before the curtain went up.

They hurried through the airport, and then through the parking system. Knowing they were going to be cutting it close, Jim had shelled out the $35 for priority parking – something that he was very grateful for now. He couldn't imagine Hannah would've been very pleased to have to wait for one of the garage shuttles. He certainly wouldn't have been.

Once they were settled in the car with Jim negotiating his way out of the parking complex, Hannah took a deep breath, and looked over at him with a smile.

"Whew – let me catch my breath. I'm getting' too old to be runnin' around like that. So, Jim," she said, putting a friendly hand on his arm. "Tell me about your new - "

Jim's phone rang, cutting her off. He glanced at the screen, and then handed it to Hannah.

"It's for you," Jim said.

"Well, how do you answer this thing Jim?" she said, staring at the flat screen with no discernible buttons. Jim chuckled and took the phone back, tapping the screen to answer the call, then handed it back to her.

"Hello? Leonard, we're on our way."

_"Mom!"_

Jim heard the happily surprised exclamation on the other end of the connection and smiled. He loved hearing that tone from Bones. He and Hannah chatted for a couple of minutes while Jim concentrated on driving fast enough to get them there without attracting the attention of any highway patrol officers.

"How's Jo doin'?" Hannah asked. Jim glanced over at her. That was a good question. He was wondering the same thing, actually.

_"She's…ok. A little nervous. Aurelan is doing her hair, but hold on a second…I know she'd love to talk to you."_

Hannah listened to background noise as Leonard made his way to wherever Joanna was. After a couple of moments, her precious little voice came over the line.

_"Hi Gramma! Are you and Uncle Jim gonna make it?"_

"We certainly are, baby girl. I can't wait to see you!"

_"Me too. I miss you."_

"Well, I'll see you soon – I'm so excited to see your play. Are you excited?"

_"Um…well…my tummy feels funny,"_

"You got butterflies in there?" Hannah asked sympathetically.

 _"Yeah, butterflies…_ " Joanna trailed off as someone spoke to her in the background.  _"Gramma I gotta get my hair finished."_

"Okay, Baby. I love you, and I'll see you soon. Can you put your daddy back on?"

Hannah and Leonard spoke for a few more moments, and then Hannah handed the phone back to Jim.

"How is she?" Jim asked.

_"Not panicking yet. We'll see how she is when we're backstage."_

"Will you be in the audience?"

_"Yeah – along with your family. I think they did the seating by grade level, so we should be pretty easy to find."_

"Okay, see you soon."

_"Drive carefully. Love you."_

Jim nearly answered with a "Love you, too," but cut himself off, flushing as he glanced over at Hannah. A lot had changed…but he didn't feel any need to push it. "Ditto," he said instead.

Leonard chuckled and Jim smiled slightly, ending the call.

"So Jim," Hannah said, picking up from her earlier start. "Tell me…how have you been enjoying your new position? I want to hear all about it."

Jim smiled happily, and they spent the rest of the drive talking about everything he'd learned and done in the first five months of his employment at the county.

 

* * *

 

"Daddy, Daddy…come here please," Joanna said, indicating that he should bend to her so she could whisper in his ear.

"I don't want to read the story…my tummy hurts," she said. Leonard sighed and crouched down beside her, catching Mrs. Palmer's eye as she went to round up the second graders who were part of the first scene.

"Joanna," Leonard said, holding her little shoulders gently. "You've practiced and practiced, and you can read it so well, Baby. You can do it. I know it's a little scary, but your class is counting on you."

He watched as her eyes flooded with tears and her lower lip trembled. "Daddy…I can't do it."

Shifting slightly for balance, he put one knee down and drew her to him, holding her in a hug as she rested her head on his shoulder, her little hand held on to the lapel of his jacket.

"Jo – I  _know_ you can do it. I know it. You've done a lot of practicing, and you read it so well yesterday at the rehearsal. It's just reading a story, Baby, like you've done lots and lots of times."

He paused, feeling her take a shuddering breath. He urged her to look up, and plucked a tissue off a nearby desk to gently dab the tears off of her face.

"I know you can do it, Jo," he said again. "But if you really feel like you don't want to, you'll have to go tell Mrs. Palmer. And you have to tell her now, because it's going to start in five minutes."

Joanna bit her lip and looked around. Her classmates were all in their costumes. Aurelan had spent a lot of time putting her hair up and her daddy was right…she had practiced. A lot. And she  _really_ didn't want to tell Mrs. Palmer she wasn't going to do it, but she knew her daddy wouldn't tell her teacher for her.

She took a deep breath and looked back at her daddy, who was still holding her around her waist, just watching her, waiting patiently.

"Okay, I'll do it," she said, another tear slipping down her cheek. Her daddy smiled big at her – the smile that showed the dimple they both had, and she couldn't help but smile in return as he again wiped the tear away.

"Good girl, Jo. I'm so proud of you for trying. That's the only thing that matters, that you try, and that you do your best." He gave her another hug, and a kiss. He felt like the quicker he got out of there the better off she'd be. "I'm going to go get my seat in the audience now, and I'll see you out there, okay?"

Joanna swallowed hard and looked over at the side where all of her classmates lined up, ready to go on to the stage.

"Okay," she said. Leonard stood, holding her hand, and walked her over to her group. He was so proud of her. Last year this would've been an impossibility.

"Everything okay?" Mrs. Palmer, Jo's second grade teacher, asked.

"I think so," Leonard replied quietly. "We had some nerves, but she should be okay now."

"I'm sure she'll be fine once everyone is in place."

Leonard nodded. "I'll be in the audience." He paused, looking around at the kids in costume, talking and goofing off, and his daughter, standing off to the side as she bit her lip and twisted her hands together anxiously. "Good luck."

Mrs. Palmer chuckled. "Thanks," she said.

Leonard left the backstage area and made his way down the aisle to where Sam, Aurelan, Janie and Kim were waving to him. It was pretty crowded in the cafeteria, the Winter Celebration always a popular event.

"Jim's not here yet?" he asked, taking one of the saved seats.

Sam shook his head. "Not yet. He called about five minutes ago – they were about ten minutes away."

"Okay." Leonard took a deep breath, feeling nervous for a few reasons.

Aurelan reached across Janie to touch his arm, wanting his attention. "How's Jo doing?"

"She's…a little nervous."

"And how are you?" she asked.

Leonard smiled tightly. "I'm nervous for her."

"I'm sure she'll be great," Sam said as he fiddled with the camcorder. He looked like he was about to say something else, but then the lights went down, signifying the start of the presentation.

"Noo…Uncle Jim's not here yet!" Janie said loudly. Aurelan hushed her, saying he'd be there soon, and Leonard kept his eyes on entrance to the cafeteria, looking for him to come through the doors, silently willing it.

Mrs. Palmer stepped onto the stage, microphone in hand. She thanked everyone for coming, started going through the requests for polite behavior…and then he saw Jim and his mother enter the cafeteria.

Relieved and so grateful they made it, he stood and waved his hand to get their attention, sitting back down when he saw that they saw him. Jim and Hannah worked their way down the aisle, and then across to where they were sitting. He gave his mother a hug and kiss, and she quickly sat next to Aurelan who greeted her warmly. Turning to Jim, he gave him a brief but heartfelt hug that Jim readily returned.

"Thank you for getting her – I'm so glad you made it," he whispered.

"Me too," Jim said, giving him a sincere smile. He settled in his seat, between Hannah and Leonard, giving his full attention to the stage just as Lizzie Palmer walked off. A few moments later her disembodied voice came over the PA system:

 _"When Santa is due, everyone knows. This is how the story of the night before goes…"_ and the curtains opened. The right side of the stage was dark. On the left, a spotlight shown on Joanna as she sat in a rocking chair, a book open in her lap.

Silence.

Leonard sat forward, not even noticing that he'd clenched Jim's hand nervously.

"C'mon Baby," he whispered.

And then Jo took a breath, and her sweet voice, a little shaky but stronger and stronger with each word, opened her second grade class's play:

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there…"

Jim looked over at Leonard and smiled, touched by the tears shining in his eyes as he listened to his baby girl and mouthed the words along with her. The lights on the rest of the stage came up, and her classmates acted out the story Joanna read…and the members of the Kirk and McCoy families listened and watched as Jo sounded more and more confident in the role as storyteller.

 

* * *

 

Hannah was unpacked and all settled in, and Joanna and Janie were settled in Jo's room, finally asleep. The excitement from the play, from the fun dinner out afterwards, from having Hannah here for Christmas, had kept them all up way past bedtimes, and everyone was glad tomorrow was Saturday. It was a great start to the Christmas Break.

"What a successful day," Leonard said. He stretched, then sat on the edge of the pull-out bed. Jim smiled at him, toeing off his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head. It  _had_ been a successful day.

"Jo was amazing," Jim said, pulling on a t-shirt and pajama pants. "I was so proud of her."

Leonard nodded and lay back, closing his eyes as he felt his body rest into the mattress and pillows. It really was a comfortable pull-out. "She's grown so much." He opened his eyes. "I think we all have." He regarded Jim carefully for a moment, contrasting how at ease and at home he seemed this time as compared to when his mom visited them over a year ago now. Jim sat on the edge of the bed next to him, aware that he was being scrutinized and raising his brows in question. "How was the drive over with my mom?"

Jim smiled and lay back too, pressed comfortably against Leonard's side. "It was really great. I…I think she's getting to be okay with me."

Leonard turned on his side and moved so that his head was resting on Jim's shoulder – then jerked back… "Oh, shit…You had that appointment with the ortho guy today…you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, Bones. I'm fine. There was hardly any fraying that the MRI could pick up. No cortisone shot this time. As long as I continue with the stuff I learned in therapy, I should be fine."

Leonard smiled in relief and allowed his head to lay back down on Jim, happy to hear his appointment went easily and he wasn't in any discomfort. He sighed contentedly as Jim wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and he stretched to give Jim a kiss…sweet and soft and loving.

"I'm glad to hear that Darlin'. You know, there was no way my mom wasn't going to be okay with  _you_. She liked you from the beginning."

Jim made a noncommittal noise, unsure of that, but willing to let it go. "Well, then she seems so much more okay with us. And…I gotta say Bones…I am so happy about that. For her, for you and Jo, and for me."

"Me too, Darlin', me too."

Jim closed his eyes, gently drawing his hand up and down Bones' arm, the touch soothing, stopping at the silver bracelet on Bones' wrist, fingering it absently. Hannah was staying in their room, just down the hall, for the next week through Christmas, and they were sharing the guestroom. Jim hadn't slept in there since that one night – that first night – so long ago now.

Before either of them knew what this was going to be. Before they realized the potential they had in each other, and as a family. Before they'd figured out just how much each one had to give the other.

They knew now. And each day was another chance to learn more.

A small smile graced Jim's lips as he balanced on the edge of sleep.

_Full circle._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of two years in the made-up lives of Jim and Bones. Thank you for reading and commenting, and kudos-ing. It's such a joyful, wonderful, amazing, surprising thing to know that others have enjoyed the little world I've created here. It's become my favorite place to visit, and I hope you feel the same.
> 
> While the two main stories are done, I still have several one-shots that take place months to years after the end of this chapter, and I will continue to clean them up and post regularly.
> 
> Currently, I have two requests for stories pending, and if you would like to request something, please feel free. I would love to write it for you!


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